>Be a Hunter.
>Adventure around and shit. You need money for the family.
>Kidding, your family is dead.
>Kidding, you didn’t have a family in the first place.
>Come across a village.
>People be worried, cause they’re villagers.
>A little kid asks for help.
>He was sent by the elders.
>Apparently they can’t get off their fat asses to talk to you in person.
>A Red Oni has been kidnapping young men from the village. She needs to be stopped and stuff, so they tell you to do it.
>You refuse, you got principles, if they don’t have any evidence, you won’t go after said Oni. Who knows, maybe she’s just misunderstood, a lonely soul in search of a perfect mate, a-
>They tell you to shut up and throw a bag of gold at you. They say she’s in a cave from the mountain nearby.
>It’s monster hunting time bitch.
>Go into forest next to village.
>Don’t get raped by an Alraune, be smooth and tell her you’re not one for putting your roots somewhere for too long.
>Set that green lass on fire yo. You pyromaniac.
>Venture through the shore of a lake.
>Get jumped by a Sahuagin. She pokes you in the ass with that spear of hers and tells you to drop those pants and let her see the package.
>You nicely tell her to fuck off while you make your escape.
>Good thing you put those points in speed ay?
>Venture through the swamp.
>Find a slug girl who wants a piece of that fine ass of yours.
>Walk past her yo.
>She follows, albeit slowly.
>Have a picnic a few meters from her.
>Get stuffed, pack up, right when she’s about to actually get to you.
>Walk a few steps and fall down.
>Get away from her while doing the survival crawl.
>Flawless escape. You rude mo fo.
>Venture through the desert.
>Ghoul jumps you along with her crew and shanks yo as-I mean, she attacks from the rear, pushes you down, turns you around and straddles you.
>Poke her eye with a sharp stick. No, not that sharp stick you degenerate, the one made out of wood… That’s the same one! I said made out of wood, literal wood. Yeah, poke her good, poke her, make her feel it.
>You done? Good, now stop fucking and let’s go.
>Make your escape like a MC that just got sucked dry.
>Because that’s what you are.
>Should have brought a sharp stick with you.
>Or maybe you should have used that sword of yours.
>Why the hell are you venturing around for again?
>Oh yeah, need to slay, not lay, it’s really important, a red oni, in the mountain.
>Get to the mountain already.
>What do you mean it was next to the village? It’s clearly straight ahead of y-
>Chief God Damnit.
>It was it the other direction.
>Stop venturing, and just go to the mountain.
>That was fast.
>Start going up the generic path to the Oni’s hideout. Good thing she has easy access to the village. That might explain the attacks, or it might be just be plot convinience
>Why didn’t the villagers just gang up for a mob with pitchforks and whatnot?
>Because fuckin’ villagers that’s why.
>Find the Oni’s hideout.
>It was easier than expected.
>Maybe the giant flashing sign above a cave entrance that had the word “HIDEOUT” on it had something to do with it.
>Prepare thine blade for some slayin’ action. No, not the fleshy one, the one that’s made out of metal.
>Yes, that one.
>Good Hunter, now raise it above your head and charge in. Good minion.
>Charge in like a badass and prepare the purging.
>Find a fancy door instead. Dark Oak, with a polished handle. Not bad, at least she has tastes, you always liked that in your soon to be victims.
>Open the door, like any civilized member of society would.
>You aren’t a barbarian. You must keep the fine gentleman reputation out. Do not muddy your family’s name.
>Oh wait, you don’t have one, nevermind.
>Enter a waiting room. The walls are beige, waiting chairs surrounding them. Straight ahead of you, there is a desk, with an Oni behind it. And a white door next to it, shouts and screams can be heard from inside.
>Raise your sword up high, and charge at her.
>Time to make her atone for her sins.
>Oh wait, she’s a blue oni, not a red one. You’re not paid for this.
>She raises an eyebrow at you, and asks if you want a free trial, one week, one month or life membership for the gym.
>You say you’d like a free trial. And enter through the door after giving her your weapon.
>It’s not recommended to go to a gym with your weapons.
>You enter through the white door and you see… a gym.
>With the guys who disappeared…using the machines?
>And Monsters coaching them…and the Ushi in the corner is fucking the sweaty scrawny guy, that’s what he gets for using the weights.
>Servers him right… but that’s none of your business.
>Get your training shorts on, and start pumping some iron.
>Do it, yes, like that, see ’em ogling at you, they want a piece of that fine ass.
>Yeeeees, show them who’s the boss of this gym.
>That sounded oddly gay.
>Then, at the recommendation of a Kobold nearby, you go through the most intense training montage of your entire existence.
>You pump some real iron with a muscular Amazoness. Then beat her at a match of Flexing.
>You then proceed to runs laps against a Cockatrice, and beat her by sheer willpower and speed.
>Afterwards, you swim laps with well-endowed Alp, saving her from drowning, and bringing her back to the world of the living with your gentle first aid techniques.
>And that Ogre looks intrigued in your display of man power.
>. . .
>Get the fuck out of there before you, or someone else, breaks something that shouldn’t be broken.
>Specifically, your pelvis.
>You get out of there.
>You ask the Blue Oni about the Red Oni the villagers described.
>She tells you she’s her sister, and that she lives in the cave next to this one.
>Why didn’t you ask her first? Now you have a muscular body and information on the Red Oni’s location.
>Time to get the girl, and end this shit.
>This is gonna be a good lay, you tell yourself.
>We’re here to slay her, not lay them, for God’s sake.
>And for money’s sake too.
>Wait, why are you going there in nothing but your shorts.
>What do you mean by, you’re gonna slay her with your mythical rod of meat?
>Are you gonna fuck her or some shit?
>Of course you are, why the hell do I even bother to ask when I know I’m talking to you, knucklehead.
>Get to the Oni’s cave.
>Find her indulging in her alcoholism, the only way she can forget about her own sadness. She’s so lonely after all, all the men she tries to get close to, leave her before she wakes up, making her nothing more than an one-night stand. Thus leading her to depression. Maybe she even thought of suicide before, but how would you know? You just got here after all, with a single thought in mind, ending her. You sick, sick man. You disgust me.
>That got sad quick.
>Infiltrate into the cave.
>Sneak behind her. Do it.
>You hear her sob softly…actually, it sounds like a wail of agony, but whatever.
>You hug her from behind, and whisper reassuring words into her ears. Trying to cheer her up, to make her forget about this, you might be the one she needed after all may-
>She screams and hits you on the head, knocking you unconscious.
>You shouldn’t surprise people like that.
>Didn’t your parents teach you that?
> . . .
>You wake up.
>You’re on a soft bed.
>Looks like you’re in a different part of the cave.
>A white door on one side, a glass door on the other.
>You go for the glass door, of course.
>Seems cloudy, probably from steam.
>You enter through the glass door.
>You see a red body coming out of the shower, flushed from the heat, or maybe from something else?
>Her silky blue hair reaches her shoulders, it seems wet, obviously.
>Her privates are covered by a seemingly fluffy white towel.
>Upon noticing you, she gives you a smirk and flashes her tits.
>You’re not complaining.
>She starts to approach you.
>You walk backwards, and eventually fall onto the bed.
>She gets on top of you right after, and aligns herself with your already twitching manhood.
>Upon her descent, you feel nothing but hot white bliss, as she begins to shake her hips, guiding your arms to her bosom.
>As your lovemaking begins to get more intense, your positions flip, with you pounding into her.
>Missionary position, fingers interlocked.
>This got really lewd, it probably won’t last long, knowing you.
>As you get closer and closer to your edge, you begin to thrust faster into her, giving her exactly what she wants.
>But, you pull out of her, and head towards the bathroom.
>You really need to take a piss.
>She is baffled by your actions, quite in shock, leaving her in the dawn of her climax.
>Now Now buddy, that can wait, go get the puss now.
>What do you mean you really need to go? Get the damn puss you idiot.
>Hey, HEY DON’T CLOSE THAT DOOR ON ME MISTER, IF YOU DON’T COME BACK HERE AND FUCK HER BRAINS OUT, I’M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU STAY BLUE-BALLED FOR THE REST OF YOUR WORTHLESS LIFE, YOU BASTARD!
>And he’s gone.
>Damn, I even brought tissues and lube.
> . . .
> . . .
> . . .
>So, how’s life for you girl?
>Right, you can’t hear me.
>The Red Oni stood there for a while, in orgasmic bliss, waiting for her partner to return.
>What’s taking him so long? Still gotta apologize for knocking him out earlier, she thought.
>She got up and opened the bathroom door.
>Only to find our dear MC, that faggot, on the flood, asleep.
>With a pool of semen around his groin.
>That should have been inside her, besides, it wasn’t even urine.
>Seeing him in such a state, she picked him up, and carried him to the bed.
>Afterwards, she sat next to him, lied down, and pulled the cover over both of them.
>She fell asleep hugging him…more like spooning but whatever.
>. . .< >The Next Morning< >. . .< >Our MC awoke in the fluffy bed yet again.
>Thought, it was different this time, mostly because of the Oni that sad between his legs.
>She’s got style, I’ll give her that.
>After that’s done, you exchanged contact information with her, and went back towards the village.
>You got the full pay, and assured them that the oni won’t cause them trouble anymore.
>Then up the mountain you went.
>Straight into the bed.
>Huh, settling down huh?
>What about the Hunter career?
>Not worth it? How so?
>You feel in love with her?
>So? You can still go adventuri-
>You want to raise a family with her?!?
>But…what about me?
>Why do I need to haunt another poor sob?
>What do you mean by ‘you won’t act like a retard for my satisfaction anymore’ ?
>That was all an act?
> . . .
>I-I’ll just le-eave you guys to know each other better.
>W-why did this happen to me?
>Now I lack a character….a narrator without a character. Pfft, what a joke I am.
>What can I do now…
> And so, anon and his new lover lived happily ever after.
> They raised a family together, three kids in total.
> Grew old together, and whatnot.
> Bla Blah Blah
> Happy ending.
> He wasn’t a total failure like me, The End.
>Be a Hunter.