Now, this is a story all about how
my life got flipped-turned upside down,
and I’d like to take a minute,
Just sit right here,
I’ll tell you how I became lady of a land called Al Zafir.
In Al Shara was where I was both born and raised,
in the desert was where I spent most of my days,
riding out passing people of all status
and jousting boys outside of the palace.
When a couple of men who were of an ill sort
started making trouble within the court.
One little scuffle filled my mother with fear,
she said ‘You’re exiled’ from hence forth to Al Zafir’
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
but she stripped my birthright and sent me on my way.
Yet she gave me a kiss and then she sent for a ferry,
I put my cloak on and said, ‘This might not be so scary’.
Royal class, my what a thrill,
Satyros wine poured fresh to the glass.
Is this how the people of Al Zafir partake?
Hmm this might not be a mistake!
But wait, I hear they’re dainty and quick to despair,
is this the type of place they would send this proud mare?
I don’t think so,
I’ll just have to see what I hear,
I hope they’re prepared for the lady of Al Zafir.
I whistled for a guide and when he came near,
his outfit smelled fresh and had a sword polished like a mirror.
If anything I could say that this man was quite rare,
But I thought ‘No, forget it’ – ‘Sir guide, to Al Zafir!’
I came to the gates two days before the ides,
after a week riding bareback with the guide.
I looked at my fiefdom,
I was finally here,
To take my place as the lady of Al Zafir.
(27 votes, average: 3.11 out of 5)You need to be a registered member to rate this post.
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This certainly does break out of the mold, I look forward to reading more about the Lady of Al-Zafir.
A 5* to counter the the 1* drive by.
For fucks sake, stop rating stuff a five when it isn’t utter perfection. Especially if it is for “because someone else rated it low”. This isn’t a place just to make authors feel good, and SnowDrake has even posted about this rating system abuse.
There are some issues with both rhyme and flow, especially towards the end, that immediately drop it from a five to at the best a four star. If it was possible I would give it a 3.5, it’s a bit better than “good”, but not quite to “excellent”.
I agree, I can’t possibly accept any tortured rhymes or a meter that isn’t perfect pentameter. Or at least a limerick.
Sorry Doc, I’m going to have to give you 1 star on your Yelp page, but I’ll give you 5 stars here to balance out that poor Yelp score out of fairness.
I look forward to reading more about Jamal Walker and the fresh princess of Al-Zafir.
If I may point out, TheEditor, this was originally given a 1* rating. I agree with you concerning the 3.5, mostly.
However, just as it gets your goat for me to give someone a 5* to counter a 1*, it also gets my goat to see someone be given a 1* rating.
The 1* is an injustice. An unfairness as stated by Eyepop. If I’m going to be given crap for standing up to an injustice, then so be it.
If what you say is true: That this is not a place to make authors feel good, or bad, then why do we have the “Highest Score of All Time”, Top Rated Weekly, but also the Hipster’s Corner?
IMHO, I feel that we don’t do enough to encourage other newer writers. I’ll admit, my first few stories were crapola. But the main thing is, I got encouragement despite the lack of feedback for same.
My suggestion to stop all of this Star Rating abuse? If it’s possible, modify the star ratings so that someone can’t give any kind of rating, without leaving a comment/reply and thusly also leave an identification coupled with said rating. Yeah, it’ll be a lot fewer ratings, but then they’ll be more honest.
You make the faulty assumption that the 1 star vote wasn’t made in good faith.
So, y’know.
Enlighten me in mine error, oh Eyepop. Educate me please in how this story warrants the rating of: Lacking.
I prostate myself before your fountain of wisdom, so that I might learn to shed myself of my erroneous thinking.
What’s that got to do with the price of fish?
You made the assumption that the one star vote wasn’t made in good faith when it may well have been; and then acting on that faulty assumption you tried to counterbalance it with a five star vote I can’t say was made in good faith unless you think this was a 5 star shitpost.
Your error was assuming that the one star vote wasn’t legitimate, when it full well could have been, unless you’re saying all one star votes are illegitimate, then L O L but still.
If you want to vote tactically to boost an overall rating to more reflect what you think the story is worth, go for it, but don’t assume scores you don’t agree with aren’t made in good faith because that’s goofy.
Sometimes things deserve a failing mark.
A 1 to 5 scale for overall quality only is why I stopped rating these stories and such. I’d rather give a comment or point out a mistake than give such a bland rating. Also, I’m not a literary critic… Too many ppl are making the mistake I did, and are rating stories on how much they like them…
Then one hopes that you actually make those comments, because refusing to properly vote on a story for… I don’t know, reasons? defeats the entire purpose behind having objective scores; and your lack of objective scoring when recognising people don’t vote objectively is basically just giving up on the ratings system all together as a joke
/shrug
If I may point out Eyepop. I did make a suggestion in one of my comments, about how to improve said commentary to be more honest.
LOL, I’m old b/c it reminded me of Wil Smith’s opening theme from over a decade ago. So much comedic shall ensue.