Chapter 11: Tweed boy steps in a puddle of rape
“Oh come on, don’t look so sad. You’re about to get fucked by a Hellhound! Lots of students would die to be in your position right now!” The hellhound on top of Marshall ground her hips gently on his lap, holding him down firmly.
“What if I actually told ya I’m gay?” Marshall lied, holding his arms up defensively.
The hellhound tilted her head, then reached down to squeeze Marshall’s half-chub. “Naaah, you’re enjoying this too much.”
Marshall clicked his tongue, it was worth a shot.
“Since I’m such a nice girl, I’ll even let you pick which hole I use first.” She pulled his member out, then let it rest against her smooth, ashen stomach. Marshall winced, her skin was hot, if that’s how her stomach was, Marshall cringed to think about how hot her insides were.
“H-hey, since yer gonna do this anyway n’ all, can I ask you a question?”
“Mmm, well I don’t see why not. Go ahead, sweetie.”
“I-is it really true y’all can burn someone’s dick with your womb?”
The hellhound rested her chin on her paw, deep in thought. “Mmm, well sometimes, we get a little too excited and it gets really hot inside, but I doubt we could give you anything worse than a first degree burn, though. Besides, that’s only if we cum hard enough. If I can be honest, I don’t expect much from you.”
Marshall, mildly insulted, fidgeted uncomfortably beneath her. “Well, I guess I’m relieved, then?” He pouted.
“Mmm, just be a good boy. Now, which hole did you want it in? You never answered my question.” She sensually rubbed her belly along his tip, and Marshall felt himself throb. As much as he didn’t want this, those hellhounds were damn sexy.
“How about this one!?” Shouted a voice from behind them. Before the hellhound could react, a rubber arrow hit her in the ear.
“Ow! What the hell!?” The hellhound snapped her head around to face her assailant, but got an arrow right in the eye. “Aaaagh FUCK!” She doubled down and grabbed her face.
“C’mon Marshie, let’s go before she gets up, quickly!” From the shadows, Saria stepped forth. She wore a green camouflage jogging bra, a leather bikini, and a shitload of warpaint.
“Saria? What in blazes are you wearing!?”
“No time to explain, just go!”
“Oh no, you two don’t!” The hellhound recovered, then pounced, pinning them both to the floor by the neck.
“Waagh! H-hey, lemme go!” Saria struggled weakly beneath her, but the difference in strength was too great.
“What’s the big idea!? First it’s the three musketeers, and now we got a crazy little elf running around!? Is there a full moon out tonight or something?” She growled, tail twitching angrily behind her.
“W-wait, you got it all wrong! I was just here to rescue him! I don’t have any b-business in here beyond that…” Saria whimpered.
“Saria, you came here just for me?” Marshall asked, genuinely touched by the gesture.
“Y-yeah, Prue told me you were going to the hellhound dorm and we were all worried you wouldn’t make it out, so we all came just in case.”
“We all…?”
“Natasha and Prue are here too.”
“I-I don’t know what to say, Saria. Uh… Thanks, I dunno how much longer I coulda held up there.”
“Hold on a minute.” The hellhound relaxed her grip on both of them. “You’re saying you claim this man, elf?”
Saria blushed. “C-claim!? As in…”
“Is he your mate?”
Saria’s blush deepened. “M-mate? W-well I guess we aren’t technically…”
“Yes, I am.” Marshall blurted out.
Saria turned so red she looked more like an oni than an elf. “Eeeeehhh!?”
The hellhound looked down at both of them, and shook her head. “Huh. Uh, sorry, then. I had no idea he was already claimed. But… are you aware that he was here to steal my underwear?”
Saria, still in shock, only gurgled in response.
The hellhound sighed, then climbed off of them. “Alright, whatever. Look, it’s been a long night, your mate for livened it up, but you should all leave.”
Finally, Saria snapped out of her stupor. “O-o-oh yes, of course! Ahaha, we’ll be out of your hair as soon as we can! C-come on, Marshie!”
Marshall breathed a deep sigh of relief, then stood up, leading out the blushing, stuttering elf by her hand.
“Oh wait, before you go…” The hellhound beckoned Saria over.
“Yeah, what is- Ow!” Saria leaned in, only to have her ear flicked by the hellhound.
“That’s for the arrows. Now scram.”
This time, Saria led Marshall out of the room, scrambling into the hallway.
>__________________________________________________________________<
The halls were quiet. A little too quiet for Natasha’s taste. She knew the hellhounds were eyeing Cheslav, she had watched as he danced for them. She was still angry about that. Why didn’t he ever dance for her like that!? Oh well, she would have to chew him out about that when she found him.
Suddenly, she picked up the sound of conversation from behind a door. She leaned in, eavesdropping.
Broken English… it was Cheslav, no doubt! She grabbed the knob and was surprised to find the door unlocked.
Cheslav was pinned down by a hellhound, who looked over at Natasha with utter surprise.
“Eeerrr, you’re kind of interrupting something… By the way, what are you doing here?” Asked the hellhound, finally breaking the silence.
“I know I am. I’m here to pick his sorry ass up.” Natasha glared accusingly at the slav.
“Ah, dead lady! Was hoping you or Comrade Cluckers would come. As you see, Cheslav is in… how you say… pickle?”
“Oh, I’ll get to you later.” Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, then headed towards where they were.
“O-oh, is this gopnik yours? I had no idea…” The hellhound backed off of him.
“Well… no. At least, not officially. You can consider me more of his-”
“Waitwaitwait. So you haven’t claimed him yet?”
Natasha stopped advancing, pressing her fingertips together. “W-well uh, not really, but-”
“Then if you haven’t claimed him, you have no right to stop me from doing what I want with him. Should have done it before he decided to come here.” The hellhound climbed back on top of Cheslav, who had slowly started to crawl towards Natasha.
“Excuse me?” Natasha squatted in front of the hellhound, narrowing her eyes. “I found him first.”
The hellhound glared daggers at Natasha, then stood up in front of her, cracking her knuckles. “You didn’t claim him. You snooze, you lose. Unless you really think you can take me oooOOoOOAAAHH!”
Natasha, with an outstretched glowing hand, tossed the hellhound around like a ragdoll using her magic.
“Aaagh! Fuck! Stop it, oomph!” She hit the wall, sliding down like a pancake before going back to flying about the room.
Cheslav took the opportunity to quietly open the dresser and steal a pair of panties. He ducked to avoid the incoming hellhound, then crawled back over to where he was before.
“What’s wrong? You seemed so confident just a few seconds ago. Aren’t you going to claim him? You snooze, you lose, didn’t you say?”
“FUCKING COW-ACK! COWARD! Let me GO and face me like a REAL WOMA-OWGH! FUCKING CHILL!”
“Chill? I am chill. Who said I’m not chill? Touch my skin, you’ll find it’s fucking cold as shit! You said you wanted to take me on, so we’re doing just that. Go ahead, claim him.” Natasha wore a blank expression, tossing the hellhound around the room with cold indifference.
“Okay, okay! You can have him! Just-OW! Just stop, he’s a dick anyway! ACK! Ffffucking, COOL IT, BITCH!”
Natasha dropped the hellhound head first onto her bed, then grabbed Cheslav’s wrist, and led him out of the room in an iron grip. “We’re going, Cheslav. And when we’re back, you and I are going to have a long talk, mister.”
Cheslav sighed, but he was very grateful that Natasha came when she did. He was disappointed with himself. How could he call himself a true man now? A girl had to rescue him, after his own pride had gotten him into this.
>______________________________________________________<
It wasn’t long before Prudence found Church, or rather, the mass of hellhounds that surrounded him. Those strings of subtly racist slurs could only belong to one person.
“Errmm, excuse me?” Prudence rushed up to one of the hellhounds, tapping her shoulder frantically in hopes of getting them to stop.
One of the hellhounds stopped kicking, and turned to face her. “Hm? Oh, a Kikimora? You’re pretty far from your dorm, so I hope you’re here for a reason.” She rested a hand on her hip.
“Y-yeah, I um… you see, that man you’re kicking, he’s…”
“Oh him? Yeah, he pissed us all off. You wanna join? We weren’t gonna do it for much longer but the noises he makes are hilarious!”
“N-no! He’s with me! Y-you all need to.. Oh god…” Prudence saw that the hellhounds had stopped kicking Church and were starting to focus their attention on her. It was… intimidating to say the least.
“Hey, is that you, Prudence?” One of the shorter hellhounds in the back piped up. “It’s me, Lauren!”
“O-oh, Lauren? I remember you, sorta!” Prudence could vaguely recall a hellhound being in her culinary arts class, but she never bothered to learn her name.
“Girls, it’s fine. Prudence is cool. By the way, if he’s with you, what was he doing all the way out here?”
“W-well, he uh… you see, he’s…”
The hellhounds waited patiently for her response.
“He’s here because he… got lost?”
“He mentioned that he was trying to get to the campus bookstore, so if he really did get lost, he must be mentally challenged or something.”
“I-I uh… yes! Master is mentally challenged. Yeah, that’s why he and his other mentally challenged friends came here and… um… d-didn’t recognize they were in the wrong place.”
“He also mentioned something about stealing our underwear, and they all said they were strippers.”
“Well… D-do you really expect a mentally challenged person to make sense when stressed out like that? Poor Churchie must have been so confused about what was happening!”
“Oh shit, we’ve been beating up a retard? Fuck, uh, s-sorry…” The hellhounds brought the limp, pride-stripped body of Church forward and gently set him down at Prudence’s feet. “Uh… If there’s ANYTHING we can do to make it up, please say so.”
Prudence rubbed the back of her neck and grinned. “J-just don’t tell anybody we were here and we’re all smiles.”
The hellhounds nodded, then watched as Prudence struggled to bridal-carry Church out of the dorm.
Prudence met Natasha and Saria near the entrance of the dorm, nearly dragging the boys behind them. Once the others were out of earshot, Church muttered, “I swear to God, if I hear the word Churchie come out of your mouth ever again…”
“Wait, you all forgot these!” One of the hellhounds opened the door, and tossed out the boys’ clothes.
Saria rushed out and grabbed the pile, instantly identified which ones were Marshall’s, and carried them at the top of the stack so she could smell them all the way back. As soon as they were back, the boys hurriedly dressed themselves again.
>______________________________________________________<
Church hissed through his teeth in pain. “Good god, can’t you make it hurt less?”
“N-no… Um, I’m sorry, Master, but I just don’t want you to get an infection from all these scratches! Please think of your health?” Prudence said, dabbing a fresh cotton ball into a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.
“Look, I’m fin- ow! I don’t need this! I’m in perfect health.”
The kikimora looked down at him. He was definitely not alright. He was covered in bruises and scratches, and he was so exhausted, he hadn’t even begun to complain that she was resting his head on her lap. All he had to do was roll over, and then- ahem.
“Please just let me do this for you, Master? You got hurt and… I-I’m worried about you!”
Church muttered something about ‘insufferable women,’ but didn’t say anything else, so Prudence carried on.
“Oh! I was thinking… Would you like a massage, too, when we’re done? It might help… i-if you wanted me to…”
Across the room, Saria stood up in delight. “See? Prue has the right idea! Do you want me to do you, Marshie?”
“You’re really gonna call me that, now?”
She smiled brightly and pushed up her glasses. “Yep!”
“Welp. …Yeah, sure, I could go for a back rub right now.”
“M-maybe you could take off your shirt for me? Eheh…”
Marshall turned around and gave her a look. “…Say, what’re you wearin’, anyway?”
“Oh, yeah! I was going to wear my ranger outfit so I looked good rescuing you, but I made a mess in- um… I mean on it, so it’s out for cleaning. I just did my best at recreating it with what I had left in my closet… Maybe I could show it to you in private sometime? I’ve got a few other things I’d like you to see me in~”
“WELP. Y’know, I really do appreciate you savin’ me like that, Saria. And this back rub? Mmm. It’s great, ain’t it? In fact, maybe you could do my shoulders, too! You’ve been gettin’ awfully low down into my back. ‘Specially for a room full of people.”
Suddenly, all eyes were on Natasha as she banged her fist against the wall in frustration.
“H-how could you? Just because you like dancing doesn’t mean you should! It should only be for me!”
“Am sorry, Natasha, did not mean to upset… D-did not think you were watching!”
“Watching? It doesn’t matter if I am or not! I should have left you to those dogs if you like them so much!”
“No, no! Do not want to play with dog! Have told you story of uncle Dimitri?”
“I-I don’t want to hear about your stupid uncle! You were just going to let that… hussy take you for herself!”
“Was nothing could do… Hellhounds not nice. Also strong, like bear. Except bear with tits, and angry vagina.”
“W-well, I’m stronger! Did you see me take her out?”
“Yes… Thank you for of saving Cheslav.”
“J-just promise not to do it again, alright?”
Cheslav hung his head. “Promise.”
Saria perked up a little, getting her hand slapped away as she tried to slip it up Marshall’s shirt. “Y-yeah, Marshie! We worry about you guys! I mean, it was pretty cute, seeing you try to dance for those girls, but… Um, we were talking, and… M-maybe you should stop the raids?”
All eyes turned to Church, who was visibly fuming at the suggestion. He raised an accusing finger, but was cut off by Prudence before he could launch into a tirade.
“UM! Maybe not stop, um, p-per se, but… s-slow down? I know it’s important to you, Master, but… w-well… we could try to work out a way for it to be safe for you?!”
“MY PEOPLE DIDN’T FIND AND COLONISE THIS MISERABLE COUNTRY ON THE BACK OF ‘SAFETY,’ WOMAN! THE ZULU WEREN’T CRUSHED ‘CAUTIOUSLY!’ AUDACES FORTUNA FUCKING IUVAT!”
“I-I don’t know what that means, but, uh, I mean… M-Marshie, back me up! You could, uh, like… take them into your service and get their panties that way! Like when Prue gave-” Saria turned white, covering her mouth with her hands.
Church stomped over to the elf, looking her dead in the eye. “When Prudence what?”
“N-uh-n-nothing, Churchie- I mean, uh, Church! Sir!” Saria squeaked as Church grabbed her shoulder.
“Oh, no, no. I think you were saying something very important.”
Marshall could see Prudence shaking from across the room. Her eyes looked hollow, and he could tell she was about to do something ridiculous again. He needed to get Church off the topic.
“SOOOOO… Uh, how about that massage, Saria? I, uh… I changed my mind ‘bout it. Anyway, we’ll consider your suggestion. Hey! Uh, Church, who’re we hittin’ next?”
“Shut up, Marshall. Your girlfriend and I are talking. Elf. What did you say?”
“Uh… I… uh…”
“MASTER!”
Prudence had stood up, her fists clenched. She looked down when her Master had looked at her. She couldn’t just let something bad happen to Saria because of her… She deserved all the delici- horrible punishments he could think up.
He had been bound to find out eventually. In fact, she was surprised he hadn’t seen right through her when he noticed for the first time. She was in real trouble now. All she could do was confess and try to argue for herself. Hopefully he’d still let her wear- No, no, no. She needed to focus. Everyone was staring at her, and she was pretty sure they’d been doing it for quite a while now. She lifted her head just enough to make eye contact with Master.
“I-IT WAS…” Oh, no, that was too loud. “…m-me…”
No! That was a whisper. She tried again, her voice a little shaky from trying to control her volume.
“P-please don’t yell at Saria, Master… I… w-well, that is… you’d all gone back home after drinking so much after the apsara raid, and you’d left your glass half-full… I-I promise I didn’t lick it or anything weird! A-and if I did, I wouldn’t have been thinking of- Um, I-I just wanted to try how it tasted, and I know you said I shouldn’t, but I thought it was just a little sip, and…”
“Get on with it, Prudence.”
“I-I… that is… I was feeling a little woozy afterwards and… I wouldn’t have done it normally, Master! It’s just… Well… I-I might have p-putmyownpantiesupforyouMaster?!”
“And why, pray tell, did you see fit to lie to me, Prudence?”
“W-well, um… I-I didn’t say they weren’t mine, Master…”
“You KNOW that wall is for legitimate conquest over our enemies!”
“W-well… I’d say you conquered me, Master~” Prudence said, trying to sound seductive.
“Will you shut your damned mouth? Do you have any idea of what’s going to be done with you now?”
Prudence shuddered, her mind full of the possibilities. Was he going to spank her? Would she not be allowed to own panties any more? Maybe he would take her right in front of everyone and then she’d have to wear a chastity belt and only Master would have the key and he’d only unlock it when he wanted to use her and there’d be vibrators and he’d have a remote and she’d be in class and then she’d have to leave to hide in the bathroom and he’d be there and-
She obediently bent herself over the table, trying not to let her wagging tail lift her skirt too much in front of everyone. Church walked up behind her, and-
“We’re going to fix your damned mistake. We’re doing it now.”
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! Her breathing was heavy when she hazarded the question. “D-ah-doing w-what, Master~?”
“The raid, you idiot. I won’t have an unearned trophy sitting on my wall.”
“B-but… M-Master… the p-puni-”
“Oh, shut up and stand properly. Nobody here wants to see your underwear. Speaking of…” Church marched over to the Wall of Triumph and took down the kikimora frame.
Church’s eyes squinted as soon as he opened the glass. “Oh, god. These are unmistakably yours. They reek of… whatever it is you manage to get all over yourself so often.”
Saria bit her lip, furiously trying not to laugh, eventually giving up and trying to stifle her giggling with Marshall’s shirt.
“By the way, have you been dumping your laundry outside my window? I keep smelling whatever-it-is outside in the evenings, when I get out of the shower.”
“N-NO! W-why would I do that, Master?” Church used a pen to pick up the black-and-white frilled panties and toss them toward Prudence.
“Forget all that. YOU.” He pointed the pen accusingly at Marshall. “You knew something, didn’t you?”
“Look, Church, it weren’t none of my business, is all.”
“I knew it, you damned traitor. When did you find out?”
“Well, I was pretty sure after that raid with the vampires, so I-”
“Oh, you liar. I bet you were colluding with her the whole time, weren’t you?”
“What? Why would I do that?”
“Shirking duty, treason, rebellion. It’s all you can expect from a damned Yankee.”
“Look, I ain’t a yankee, I’m from the south, there’s a-”
“None of that matters any more. Now come on, Prudence, we have a proper raid to put on. I don’t care about the rest of you, but you’ll be joining us, Judas.”
Saria jumped up in panic. “Wait, so soon?! Shouldn’t you- I mean, Marshie’s been through a lot tonight! A-and you haven’t recovered either!”
“Oh, what are they going to do, rape me? They wouldn’t have the bloody nerve. So unless they’re planning on dusting me to death, we’re carrying on, regardless.”
Natasha piped up, finally fed up with Church. “You need to take this more seriously! Something could happen! If you’re that set on going, we’re not-”
“We come.” Cheslav said, flatly.
“What? But… Cheslav, it’s dangerous!”
“We come. Is… eeh… honourable thing.”
“F-fine… but… does it have to be tonight? We could wait until-”
“We’re doing it now and that’s final!” Church yelled, limping his way towards the door with as much of a stomp as he could muster.
“W-wait, Master! Don’t you think… Shouldn’t we get ready for it? That is… um, i-it will be a real raid, after all!” Prudence said, flailing in a panic.
“Nonsense, woman. It’ll be nothing compared to that debacle we just went through. We’ll be in and out faster than an American at a salad bar.”
“Hey, fuck you, Church. I know how to make a salad now.” Marshall said, too exhausted to get angry.
“Come on, Master! Why don’t you just go back for the night, I’ll tuck you in and-”
“SIT.” Church yelled, pointing to the ground. Before she could even think about what she was doing, Prudence found herself kneeling on the ground in front of him. Was he going to… i-in front of everyone?!
“See? The kikimora is a simple creature. Now, let’s get moving, shall we? We have a mistake to correct.” He stated, glaring at the kikimora in question.
Marshall groaned at having to go out again. At least he didn’t get the beating Church did. Wait, why the hell was Prudence on her phone?
>_____________________________________________________<
As Church exhaustedly marched up the stairs to the kikimora dorm, he found it… empty? There was usually at least one girl at the front door excitedly greeting visitors, but the entrance was mysteriously devoid of anyone. The sun was beginning to come up, and at this time of day, the dorm was usually thick with girls in the black-and-white uniforms for the culinary academy.
Church stopped abruptly and was nearly bowled over by Marshall. He squinted at Prudence, then pointed an accusing finger. “If this is another one of your bloody tricks, there’s going to be unpleasant consequences, you feathery twit.”
Oh no. Ohnoohnoohno. He didn’t…? Prudence tried to keep up appearances, but she nearly squirmed in agony. He was really mad this time… But what else could she have done? “I-I’m not sure what you mean. I think the girls went out to do something as a group, but I turned them down, because, well… Y-you’ll always come first, Master! I knew I needed to protect you from those… those animals.”
Church scoffed, then looked away. “Fine. I’ll admit you did well, but you’d do just as well to remember you’re on thin ice, girl.”
“Y-yes Master…”
“Now then,” he said, turning to the rest of the group, “this could well be a trap, with how quiet it is. Split into pairs and search the wings. We’ll meet here again in ten minutes.”
Ten minutes later…
Cheslav and Natasha walked back to the main hall, only to find the rest of the group already gathered here. Church shook his head. “No good for us. Did you find anything?”
“Eh, no, all doors locked.”
“Dammit! Who the hell even locks their door? Can you even remember a time where there wasn’t at least someone who forgot?”
“Ah, comrade Church, Cheslav could pick lock on-”
“NO!” Prudence shouted, much louder than she had intended. “I-I mean… s-sorry… Um, there’s one more area we haven’t checked, right? There must be something there…”
“And is there something you’ve forgotten to tell us, Prudence?” Church asked.
“Oh, go easy on her, will you?” Natasha spat, noticing that the kikimora looked like she was about to cry.
“It’s her fault we’re here in the first place! If she hadn’t decided to compromise our mission, we wouldn’t need to be getting into this in the first place! Besides, they smelt rancid!”
Prudence’s lip quivered and she looked down in shame. Church looked a little taken aback at her reaction, turning away and scratching his head.
“Er, look, it doesn’t matter. Let’s get this done and go home.”
The group turned down the final hall, but were presented with an area even bigger than the previous wings.
“Oh, god. We’re gonna be here all… uh… I’m fuckin’ tired Church.” Marshall complained, holding his head.
“Stop complaining and start checking doors, would you? I’m no more pleased than you are.”
Several fruitless minutes passed, with nothing but door after locked door to show for it. Marshall banged his head in frustration against the last door he had checked. He was about to speak up when someone patted him on the arm. “What? Didja find- oh.”
Prudence had gotten a little too close to him, and the smack was just her idly wagging tail. He looked at the progress of everyone else, only slightly ahead of him. But… did he imagine it? When Church moved onto the next door, Prudence’s tail sped up a little as she stared intently at him. When he moved to the next door, she did it again, Marshall was sure this time.
“Hey, Prudence? Y’got a sec?”
“W-what?”
“Come with me, would ya?”
Just as he suspected, her tail-wagging got faster and faster as he moved her down the hall. She was nearly vibrating near the middle, but it slowed a bit after that.
“Arrite… now, let’s see…”
“S-see what? What are you doing, Marshall?”
“Oh, nothin’. Looks like… Yeah, left side.”
Marshall shuffled her around some more, and Prudence finally realised what she was doing, but by the time she grabbed her tail, it was too late.
“So, it’s this one, right?” Marshall asked.
“I-I don’t know what you-”
He leaned down a little to meet her eyes. “Look, I don’t care if it was a setup or not. Hell, even Church probably knows, and he’s just too stubborn to admit it. I just wanna get back home and in bed.”
“But…”
“Look, d’you have somethin’, uh, special planned for him?”
“Well, he’s all hurt and weak, so…”
“So you’re goin’ for it? Damn, I didn’t think you had it in you, but alright.” Marshall patted her on the shoulder.
“Wait, I didn’t mean-” Prudence was cut off by Marshall yelling for the others to come over.
As he had expected, the door was unlocked, and Marshall pushed it open, revealing an immaculate room in a mostly-plain style with a few little touches, like a vase of flowers, a bookshelf and a big pillow tucked in under the covers of the bed, with a picture of… is that Church?
Prudence’s face turned a deathly shade of white as she dashed into the room, nearly flailing in her panic to get the pillow shoved into the laundry-filled closet before she laid a pair of underwear out on the bed, barely making it out before Church and the others got to the door.
“Well? It’s open?” Church asked.
“Yep. I figure we should get a couple people in there, just in case, then the rest of us can keep watch outside.”
“…Well, I suppose that’s reasonable. Go ahead, Marshall.”
“Ooooh, no you don’t. Look, this is your little pet project of the night, so you can go get all the glory yourself. Why don’t y’bring Prudence with you? She’s dyin’ to apologize, y’know.”
Church gave him a foul look, but didn’t say anything, hobbling into the room as the kikimora scurried in after him. The door had barely even been shut a moment before Saria had a pointed ear to the door.
“Do you think she’s gonna do it, Marshall?!” The elf whispered excitedly.
Marshall only gave Saria a sly grin.
>_________________________________________________________<
“Um, M-Master…”
“Oh, don’t you ‘Master’ me. Get to looking, will you?”
“Alright, but… I-I think there’s some right here?” Prudence said, holding up the pair from the bed.
“Don’t be ridiculous! For all we know, it’s a trap. Or worse, dirty. I’d put those down, health hazard and all.”
“A-alright…” Prudence’s ears drooped. That was her best pair, besides the ones she’d already given up… Well, there wasn’t anything she could do about it. W-well, at least it was a little exciting, thinking about him rifling through all of her underwear and picking out his favourite… Maybe she could get some-
“WAIT, MASTER, STOP!”
“What is it, you inconsolable woman?”
‘Oh no.’ He was leaning right on her desk, and she’d forgotten to put her diary away! She couldn’t risk him picking it up and reading day after day of sex dreams, detailed accounts of his schedule, and… that. She be ruined if he ever found out about that!
“U-um… maybe you should steer clear of that desk… If the panties might be trapped, I don’t like the look of that either…”
“Ah, now you’re finally thinking with your head. I don’t see a dresser anywhere, so they might be hidden, as well. Keep your eyes open.”
“Y-yes Master!” Thank god. Crisis averted. But how was she going to direct him now? Her panties weren’t hidden, per se, but they were in a drawer under the bed, and… Prudence wanted to smack herself for getting them, now. They had seemed so space-efficient at the time, but now the opportunity of a lifetime might get wasted! And besides that- OHGODWHATISMASTERDOING?!
“W-what are you looking at?! M-Master?!”
“Hmm? Oh, well, if you’re planning on hiding something, you might put it behind the books on the shelf, wouldn’t you? I’m going to take a little-”
Nonononononononononono! Stupid, stupid Master! You hide things under the bed, first and foremost! Not on the shelf! Please, please don’t see that binder. W-wait, would the word ‘fanfic’ even mean anything to him? Maybe he wouldn’t even look inside! It’s not as if she wasn’t proud of what she did, but… Oh, no, what would Master think if he saw one of the ones with ChurchMallow in them?! He’d hate her forever and ever and ever and ever and ever! H-he was already mad! He said she was on thin ice, and everyone else was mad that they had to come and what if he hired that shoggoth?! She couldn’t risk it! Even if it just fell down and opened… ‘Well, it’s not as if… even… no, there’s too many! Even if it’s not one of the really bad ones, they’re still mostly about him, and if he saw them…’
“PLEASE MASTER! Um, p-please let your humble maid serve you! You’re hurt! And besides, I’ll be able to check behind the books a little more easily!”
Church narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re being awfully pushy for a servant, Prudence.”
Her face blanched. She dropped to her knees and bent over, not quite managing to get her mouth to his shoe before he turned and walked off. “I-I’m sorry, Master… I just… I want to protect you. M-maybe we could just go back? Please let me prove I lo- I mean, I’m loyal to you!”
“That’s quite unnecessary. And I believe you showed your loyalty when you lied to me.”
“I was trying to do it for you! I-I’m sorry I hurt you, Master… Please, you can punish me any way you want… E-even right here, if it would make you happy…”
“This is not the time to discuss this, Prudence. Get on your feet and shut your mouth before I make you.”
She had to work hard to cover up her blush. M-make her?! She wondered… should she push her luck with him? What if… All sorts of dirty visions and fantasies filled her head. What could he mean by ‘make’?
“Have you checked the closet yet? Oh, never mind, I’ll take another look anyway.”
Time stood still for Prudence. Inside that very closet was not only her custom-made dakimakura, but as much of Church’s underwear as she had been able to snag for herself, and it wasn’t all from the raid on their dorms from Ash, either. Her life was over. She wasn’t sure whether to run away, vomit or faint. She finally decided on what to do and the world went dark.
From outside, the whole group could hear Church shouting.
>_________________________________________<
Prudence felt dizzy, but she always did when she fainted. She was usually able to hold herself at least sort-of together when Master was around, but… Oh, no, did he look in- OH GOD NO!
Master was sitting on her chair, right in front of her. But he was… her breath seemed to catch in her throat. Someone had… Well, Master was tied to the chair and was squirming around angrily. She got distracted for a second by how good he looked, sitting there. He was struggling fruitlessly against the knots, and no matter how angry he might have looked, she could tell he was starting to panic. Boy, did that green rope look really good on him with that brown vest and… Ah, his face. He was starting to blush a little, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop staring… She stared at his lips a while before she realised they were moving.
“I-I’m sorry, what, Master?”
“ARE YOU QUITE FUCKING DONE?!”
“D-done what?” Prudence still felt a little woozy, and it seemed like staring at Master wasn’t helping. She usually tried to do it when he wasn’t paying attention, but…
“Have you lost your fucking mind?! You jump on me like a god damned animal for no sodding reason, restrain me in the middle of enemy territory, and you have the bloody nerve to ask what I’m talking about?!” Church rocked back and forth on the chair in impotent rage.
“B-but I…” Come to think of it, wasn’t that the rope she had borrowed from Saria? She hadn’t felt this strange since the shoggoth- oh no. “I-I didn’t mean to, Master! It just… um… it wasn’t my fault! Please don’t be mad?!”
“Don’t be fucking mad?! I found out you’ve put your own underwear up on the wall in some kind of ridiculous show of vanity, you’ve obviously made some kind of arrangements with the enemy, led me alone into a room with your name on the door like I wouldn’t notice, and now you’ve kidnapped me with obviously questionable plans! AND THAT’S JUST TODAY!”
The kikimora dashed to his side, clutching at his shirt. “I’d never hurt you, Master! It’s just… you… you can’t see what’s in there, okay?”
“MARSHALL! MARSHALL, GET IN HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW! I’M GOING TO BE FUCKING RAPED, YOU CLOD!”
“What? Sorry, Church, I’m, uh… up to my elbows in kikis out here! Feisty little buggers are hard to fight off!”
Marshall looked at a few of the kikimoras huddled against the door, listening in with Saria. Well, he wasn’t lying, exactly, just not telling the whole truth. He was about to feel bad about it, but then he remembered exactly who was inside that room. He took a sip of the iced tea one of the girls had offered him.
‘That’s for the Dhampirs, asshole.’ He couldn’t hold back a grin when he looked over to Natasha. “Y’wanna get outta- aw, come on, guys.”
Cheslav and Natasha were already halfway out of the building by the time Marshall looked over to them. “Is time for bed hours ago, comrade Marshall. We go home now.”
Saria stood up and dusted off her pants. “Tell me how it goes, Prue! I want all the juicy details!”
“W-what?! I’m not-! Saria, wait!” Prudence yelled back, but the remnants of the group had already retreated out of earshot.
>______________________________________________<
Church and Prudence suddenly found themselves in a very quiet room. Blushing, she glanced over at him, then quickly away again.
“S-so, um…”
“Oh, now you’re going to play shy?”
“I-I didn’t mean to… It wasn’t supposed to be like this!”
“Oh, shall we just start over again, then? Why don’t you just scootch me over to the door and we’ll pretend none of this ever happened. Or are you unhappy with how you’ve bound me up to have your perverse way with me?”
“No! I didn’t want to… I’m not going to do anything like that to you, I promise!”
“Well then, why the hell have you done this? What were you thinking? Were you thinking?”
Prudence began to tear up, wringing her skirt.
“Are you really going to cry now? After all this? For god’s sake, you’ve come this far, so why don’t you just hurry up and finish the damn job already?”
W-what? Master was saying… But if she raped him, he’d hate her! She hesitated another moment. But… It was an order… Would he hate her if she didn’t? She felt paralysed. H-he might even get rid of her if she messed this up! She tried to think, but… Well, she didn’t want to force herself on him. Well, too much. I-it wasn’t supposed to be like this! They were supposed to cuddle together on a warm couch and then Master would lean over and… It didn’t matter now. Did anything matter any more? She couldn’t tell. Master did tell her to do it, even if she wasn’t sure he meant it. He was going to hate her either way…
‘T-That’s right, isn’t it? But if there’s nothing I can do… I… I might as well do it!’
She hesitantly crawled onto his lap, sitting down to face him. Her heart fluttered, being this close to his face… A-and she could do anything to him! She began to panic again when she realised she had no plan on what to do. When should she take his clothes off? Should she leave his tie on or get him completely naked? Oh, no, when should she get undressed? No, no, she was getting ahead of herself. How should she start? Assert her dominance? Maybe she should be more tender… after all, she did still want it to be romantic…
She moved her face as close to Church as she could, but he turned his head away, wincing. She could hear his breathing, now, a little unsteady. He stopped entirely in anticipation as she moved closer, pressing her lips to his cheek, then looking away, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. She had finally kissed Master! Oh, it was-
“Are you toying with me now, woman?”
“What? I- no, that was just… P-please, Master, just…”
“Just what? You’re trying to rape me!”
S-she was, wasn’t she? There he was, right underneath her. He couldn’t do anything about it, either… Should she try to be more…?
Prudence looked away, coughed, then came back with a smile that looked more unsure than confident and alluring. She put a finger under Church’s chin and turned his face towards herself. “T-that’s right, isn’t it? You’re all mine, a-and you can’t stop me from doing anything I want with you! You’re my own personal… s-sl… um… slut, Mast- I-I mean slave!”
“Oh, god. You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
“S-shut up! A big… idiot like you wouldn’t understand the plans of your… oh, um…” Prudence had to pause a moment. Her heart felt like it was going to jump out of her chest. Could she say it? I-it was almost heresy to say it! But… She leaned in towards him so she didn’t have to do more than whisper it. “Your… M-Mistress.”
“Are you mocking m-” Church was cut off when the kikimora grabbed his face and tried to go in for a kiss, but she had been a little too zealous, and made a squeak of surprise when she accidentally hit her head against his.
“O-oww…”
“S-sorry! I’m so sorry Master, oh god, let me just…” Prudence frantically patted Church’s head in an attempt to soothe his pain. Church gritted his teeth, but remained silent.
Prudence tilted his head back, moving so slowly that she could barely stand the anticipation. He looked a little bit upset, but he didn’t try to struggle. She was going to do it! After all this time!
She felt like her heart was going to explode when their lips finally touched. Once they made contact, her tail started to wag furiously, and she couldn’t help but let out a small whine of excitement. Finally, she kissed him! She kissed Master! What’s more, Master wasn’t struggling to get out of her grasp any more, so maybe she was doing something right? She had to… to do more! When else would she get a golden opportunity like this?
Prudence tried to calm her tail, then reached out to cup Church’s… modestly sized package in her hand. To her surprise, he was actually starting to get slightly erect in her grasp. She figured that he must at least enjoy this to some extent, but being this quiet and accepting was very uncharacteristic of him.
“Uhhh, A-are you okay, M-Master? You’ve been awfully quiet…”
Church narrowed his eyes at her. “I told you to finish the job, didn’t I? Just… h-hurry up and get on with it, I don’t even care anymore.”
Prudence’s lip quivered, she was fired, wasn’t she? Master wouldn’t let her stick around after this. She almost didn’t want to do it now, but if this really was the last time Master would see her, she might as well obey his last order. She sheepishly untied the knots keeping Church from standing and led him to her bed.
With newfound resolve, Prudence awkwardly tugged Church’s union jack-print boxers off, and motioned for him to lie down. Church slowly leaned back, not saying a word to her. He figured that if he really was going to finally lose his well-guarded virginity, Prudence wasn’t the worst candidate. That said, she was still going to pay dearly for this.
Prudence reached under her skirt, pulling her panties to the side so her dripping labia was exposed. She trembled as she reached for his cock, still unable to believe that she was here, about to actually do it with her Master. She was so excited, in fact, that she aligned herself with his tip before he was fully erect and tried to plunge down on top of him.
“Agh! It’s not going to work like this, you daft woman! And they say men never consider foreplay.” Church snapped, breaking the silence.
“S-sorry Master…” Prudence didn’t want to just lazily rub him until he was ready, that would take too long. She shifted down until her head was level with his crotch, and grabbed his cock before leaning in to kiss it.
The scent of Master hit her like a freight train, smelling his clothes was one thing, but actually smelling… it, that was on a whole new level. She could feel a trickle of liquid run down her thigh, and she ground her legs together.
She had to, needed to have more of this.
Prudence noticed that her saliva had gotten thicker, and had to swallow some of it before she started drooling. She held Church’s cock upright and sucked the tip into her mouth, and then, using a technique that she had learned from one of her favourite fanfictions, swirled her tongue around it. Her heart started to beat faster when she noticed he was starting to throb in her mouth. It was working, she was actually making him harder! She kept at it, occasionally taking in more of his shaft and massaging the bottom of it with her tongue, and within no time, Church was fully hard and ready to go.
Prudence, eager to begin, crawled back up so that her lower lips were once again aligned with his tip. With her natural lubricant and her saliva, she once again brought her hips down on top of him, and this time, he successfully slid in.
“O-ow, fuck!” Prudence hissed, she heard that a woman’s first time hurt, but that actually stung.
“Don’t you bloody curse!” Church snapped. “That’s not very befitting of a maid or a lady, is it?”
“Sorry, M-Master…” Prudence rested her hands on his shoulders, then started to lower herself even further onto his shaft. It hurt at first, but slowly, the pain dissipated, and she found herself starting to feel warm and tingly inside. She savored the feeling, which was getting increasingly better, and squeezed him inside of her.
Church let out a moan, the first one he’d made this entire time, and Prudence couldn’t stop her tail from wagging. After letting herself get used to the feeling of being filled, she raised her hips, and then slowly slid back down on top of him. Another small jolt of pain shot through her body, but it was mostly eclipsed by the pleasure of having Master inside her.
Soon enough, she had a steady rhythm, and even started to get creative by grabbing Master’s hands and resting them on her breasts. He squeezed them, which surprised her, since his participation thus far had been minimal at best. Prudence also switched it up by occasionally grinding herself against his lap, which also elicited a moan from him.
“Mmm… oh! Master!” She sighed, grabbing the front of his shirt and starting to really hammer onto his lap. Church’s breathing quickened, and Prudence knew that he was getting close. Luckily for her, she was too.
Prudence let out a long, drawn out moan as she slammed her hips against his, shuddering in orgasm while she felt the unmistakable jet of hot semen cascade into her womb. Trembling excitedly, Prudence held Church tightly in her arms, feeling the high of her orgasm subside and drift off into sleepiness. Church sighed in resignation, though he would never admit it, that had felt really good. He resolved himself to sleep, letting Prudence use him as a pillow.
>_____________________________________________________<
“Why do you even put up with them, anyway?” Natasha asked.
“Who? Comrade Church and Prudence?” Cheslav answered.
“Well, yeah, I guess, but the others, too.”
“Are friends, only make sense.”
They walked in silence for a while. Natasha sighed. She wasn’t getting anywhere. Again. Maybe she should just rephrase it?
“But, I mean, why are you still friends with them, though? Don’t they put you through a lot?”
“Is… hard to explain. Can always trust Marshall, and Prudence is… strange, but good person. Church… eh… when first met, I was stranger with no friend. Everyone think Cheslav is too strange to talk to, but Church does not care. Maybe he is not best person sometimes, but… Is always fun with friends. Do not feel alone any more.” Cheslav found himself smiling. “Besides, life would be boring without comrades, da?”
Natasha looked down, deep in thought. Cheslav was a more complex man than she first thought. “I suppose so, but for the record, I would have lost patience with them long ago.”
“Cheslav has come close many times.”
Natasha nodded, then remembered a question that had been at the back of her mind for a while. This wouldn’t be easy to talk about, but now was as good of a time as she could hope for. “H-hey, Cheslav!”
“Da?”
“What exactly…” She took a deep breath. “…are we? I mean, we’ve gone on a date, and talked about going on another one but… with what happened back there, I’m wondering if that date even mattered to you. Like, do you understand what I’m trying to say here?”
Cheslav paused, deep in thought. “How does Cheslav put this… Cheslav does like Natasha, is nice to him and doesn’t mind that Cheslav can barely speak English.”
Natasha brightened up upon hearing those reassuring words. “R-really?”
“Da, but Natasha must understand, Cheslav has never… eh, what is phrase… had girlfriend. In fact, Cheslav has no clue how to flirt, let alone be boyfriend.”
Natasha paused, she hadn’t even considered the language barrier before. Was she being super inconsiderate this whole time? T-that’s not nobility! “O-oh, forgive me Cheslav. I didn’t even think that-”
She was interrupted when Cheslav grabbed her hand.
“Cheslav? What are you-”
“Shhh, dead lady need not worry. Cheslav is willing to give this try. Please, meet Cheslav at his house tomorrow. Will cook caviar and blin for, just like at fancy restaurant.”
Natasha felt her undead cheeks somehow flush a deep purple, this was the first time Cheslav actually made an advance on her. What would nobility do? She considered pouncing him and taking him right there, but that sounded too barbaric. Should she squeeze his hand tighter? No, what if she was too rough? Should she pull her hand away and play hard to get? No, what if he got the wrong idea? Her mind wandered back to just pouncing him, she really, really wanted to do that. Still, she kept her composure, and Cheslav remained un-pounced.
After Cheslav finished walking Natasha back to her dorm, they went their separate ways. Natasha needed an ice cold bath after that. That hand holding had been intense.
>_____________________________________________________<
The Next Day…
Saria met up with Marshall outside the clubhouse. As she walked in with him, she found a strange scene. Church was sitting quietly in the corner, his head in his hands. Prudence poked her head out of the kitchen, skittering over to them nervously.
“Oh, um… h-hi, guys… How are you? Aha…”
“Hey Prudence. Uh… what’s up with Church?” Marshall asked.
“I-I don’t know… aha… he’s just been, um… feeling off since last night…”
Saria grinned, elbowing Prudence. “Sooo… Is it ‘cause you did something… fun with him?”
“W-well… Um… y-yes.” Prudence nearly whispered.
“That’s great!” Saria practically skipped over to Church, rubbing his shoulder. “So how was she, tiger?”
Church said nothing, but started muttering and drew his legs up to his chest. Saria couldn’t catch much, but she did hear “jinko,” “can’t even trust my own men! Women!”, “Judas!” and “f-fucking r-r-rapists…”
“M-maybe just leave him alone for now, Saria… Um, Master, do you want-”
“D-DON’T TOUCH ME!” Church yelled, nearly falling out of his chair as Prudence reached out to him.
“…t-tea?” Prudence asked, teary-eyed. “I’ll just… I-I’ll bring you some, Master, and then you can just… um… n-not drink it if you don’t want it…”
Prudence walked off to the kitchen, wringing her skirt nervously, when Natasha walked in. The wight walked up to Church and sniffed the air around him before giving him a smug grin.
“Oooh, what’s wrong, big fella? Not feeling so tough now that you’ve had a taste of what’s been coming to you?”
Church barely lifted his head. “And you’re a little cockier than a corpse who talks to cardboard cutouts should be, but I have the good grace not to bring it up, don’t I?”
“What? Y-you’re lucky Cheslav likes you, or I’d bring you down a peg myself!”
Church locked eyes with her and gave a smug grin of his own. “Oh? You’d sully your noble hands with a commoner like me? I should be honoured, shouldn’t I? But I feel like I’m forgetting something… Ooooh, maybe it’s about our status?”
Natasha’s face turned a little darker in a blush.
“You know, I was just thinking about which one of us is the commoner, but I happened to remember something about growing up in a mansion… Well, maybe I was just a servant there-”
“TEA!” Prudence yelled, cutting off Church, who jumped, then held onto his jacket for dear life.
“Um… t-tea’s ready, Master! Um, Natasha, I’m sorry, it’s just that Master is feeling a little… um… o-off… please don’t take it personally?”
“F-fine. Whatever. Marshall, when is Cheslav getting here?”
Self-assured, Church reached out and took a sip from the teacup Prudence had put near him. His eyes widened in shock, then narrowed as he swirled the tea around his mouth before he spit it back into the cup.
“Prudence.”
The kikimora’s eyes shot up, her ears drooping a little less. “Yes Master!?”
“What did you put in this?”
“I-I’m sorry?”
“What the hell is in this cup?”
“T-tea, Master?”
“And?”
“Um… water?”
“And?”
“S- um… s-sugar?”
“AND?”
“Milk?”
“Milk?”
“Um… yes, Master?”
Church gave a sour look, pouring out the cup and putting it back on the table.
“Milk? And what tea was it, girl?”
“Um… just the usual tea, Master?”
“What tea?”
“The… um… t-the first-flush Assam you like, Master.”
“You ruined a first-flush Assam with milk? You may as well have put the sodding drugs in it, you bloody rapist! At least rohypnol has the good grace to not taste like anything!”
“I-I’m sorry, Master! I wasn’t thinking, and well… I-I’ll go make another right now, Master!”
“How bloody long have you made my tea for me? You know I won’t have milk spoiling good tea!”
Prudence didn’t answer as she scurried back to the kitchen with his cup. Good god, how long had she made his tea for him? Church sat down, putting his face into his hands again. He couldn’t remember at all. It seemed like she had always been the one taking charge of the servant work for him. It wasn’t just the milk, it was… That. How could she? She’d gone completely mad for no reason, and now things were just back to normal? He didn’t feel like he could trust her any more, but…
Church thought back as far as he could remember. Surely there had to be a time when Prudence hadn’t been his maid. He couldn’t remember her before school had started, but after that… It wasn’t just the tea, was it? She did his laundry for him, more than he’d like to admit, after coming into the college. And Lady Lifts-a-lot. He couldn’t discount when she’d saved him from the literal hounds, of course… And making food for everyone, naturally. And she did handle the more… mundane planning for him, didn’t she? He supposed that was the benefit of a personal servant. The maids at home always managed to bungle a detail or two, even if he gave them a simple request like tea…
‘Fuck.’
She’d raped him! This was madness! But could he get rid of her? How would he convince a new hire to follow him around on his missions, much less ask them for the kind of precision that ten years of serving only him could teach? He was vaguely aware of Prudence placing a cup onto the table beside him, and he looked up, seeing the girl nearly in tears, spouting off a string of apologies and punishments she deserved.
“A-a-and p-p-p-pleaaaaase, Master! Please! J-j-uh-just don’t leave me!”
‘God DAMN it.’
“Prudence.”
She straightened her back and folded her hands in front of herself, still sniffling miserably.
“I’ve made my decision.”
“N-n… but… M-Master… Please! ANYTHING but that!” She began shaking, her knees becoming wobbly.
“Look, if you’re that sodding upset about it, I could fire you, if that’s what you’d prefer.”
“W-what?”
“You’re staying. You’re on a short bloody leash, damn it, but you’re staying. You won’t be earning back my trust easily.”
“MASTER!” Prudence jumped onto Church in her joy knocking him over and burying her face into his jacket.
“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!”
“FUCK! NO! GET HER OFF ME! MARSHALL, YOU DAMNED TRAITOR! I’M GOING TO BE RAPED TWICE IN AS MANY FUCKING DAYS!”
“Naw, Church, she’s just gettin’ a little cuddly with ya.”
“WELL MAKE HER FUCKING STOP, YOU OAF!”
Saria watched the argument with growing amusement, but her smile dropped when she realized that she was falling behind. Of all the girls that got laid before her, the shut-in kikimora got dicked first? How could she, a red-blooded, rape-loving elf, lose to her? Prudence was her friend, but… Oh, god, did she owe Prudence money? Prudence had just laughed that one time when she had suggested a bet on who would get laid first. Maybe she would have just forgotten? She was getting off-track. She had to find a way to get Marshall to take her. Why couldn’t he just take her! She’d been avoiding wearing panties for days around him, and he didn’t even notice! She liked that he was a gentleman, but why couldn’t he just treat her like his own personal little elf slut now and then? She stared at Marshall, rubbing her legs together.
“Uh, you doin’ alright, Saria?”
She barely even heard him. She wondered if he’d ask her that same question after he had kept her in his room and used her like his own personal cum rag for a few days. Eheh…
Maybe he just needed a little bit more encouragement to take her… She didn’t think she could manage to hold him down herself, but what if she…
Marshall waved his hand in front of Saria’s face, to no effect. She was doing that thing again, polishing her glasses in that slightly masturbatory way while she drooled. She was giggling a little bit, too. She was definitely up to something. He sighed. She was still just a lil’ lady, though, so he guessed she couldn’t do too much harm.
…Right?
“Angry Vagina”
Sounds like a Martial Arts move a Kunoichi would have.
Kunoichi panties. Not THAT would make for an epic pantie raid. Assuming one could find the Kunoichi dormitory in the first place.
It’s nice to see Prudence take the initiative…
That was so awkward that it was too good!
This series always gives me the fiercest giggles, I love it.
12 votes, 4.08 = Six 5 stars, Three 4 stars, Two 3 stars, One 1 star.
A pattern emerges.