Guide Cat

>Be Anon.
>Look through your Inbox.
>It’s filled with shit advertisements. What a surprise.
>Consider deleting everything but decide against it.
>Might as well get a few laughs out of it. You need them.
>”Ushi-Oni Resistant Chastity Cage, 9/10 Paladins Approve”
>”Pest Control: Clingy Beelzebub”
>”Shocking News: Loli Holstaurs have been spotted around your area, read more…”
>”Wonderland Tour, guide provided free-of-charge”
>”101 Ways to hold hands”
>Wait, go back one.
>Click on email.
“Hello Anon,

As ordered by our glorious leader ‘The Queen of Hearts’, you are invited to take part in a free tour of THE GLORIOUS MOTHERLAND our humble country, Wonderland. You will be provided with a knowledgeable guide and all expenses will be covered by our agency for the duration of this tour.
To start your tour, click here —>”

>Next to the arrow is, unmistakably, the picture of a pink cake.
>Having no regards for the safety of your computer, you click the link and disappear in a puff of pink smoke.
>You should’ve probably taken a look at the fine print at the end of the message, especially the ‘Our agency holds no responsibility for your sexual encounters and/or desire to remain in Wonderland after the free tour has been completed.’
>But then again, who reads that?
>No one does.


>Be Anon
>Look around you.
>Yep, this isn’t your basement room. A psychedelic dream seems more like it.
>Feel a tap on your shoulder.
>Turn around.
>No one is there.
>You’re already going insane? That was fast.
>Feel a rough and wet sensation on your ear.
>Lewd licking noises.
>You don’t appreciate the ASMR. It’s pretty low quality too.
>Voice your displeasure.
>Finally get a response.
“You’re no fun.”
>Oh hey look, your guide is a Faggot Cat Cheshire.
>Like that wasn’t obvious.
>One awkward cough later, she appears before you dressed in a, well…
>Fairly conservative business suit, to your surprise.
>Not bad.
“Now, during this tour, we will be visiting pre-established locations to maximize your exposure to the land. For the duration of this trip, please hold onto the guide.”
>Grab onto the fluffy paw.
>Feel the fluff.
>Suddenly realize why people choose the ‘Touch Fluffy Tail’ option first.
>Can’t blame them.
>Snap out of your fluff induced trance, only to notice that your surroundings have changed. Again.
>This is going to be a common occurrence, isn’t it?
>You are now sitting, at a tea party.
>Familiarity goes a long way, you guess.
>Look at guide. She’s just drinking tea. Like everyone else at the table is.
>Do the same. The tea is not drugged. The doujins lied.
“Here we have a common meeting place in Wonderland, where friends and families come together to celebrate the joy of drinking tea. They’re usually organized by the Hatters Anonymous, so feel free to contact them if you ever feel like drinking tea.”
>Oh hey look, you teleported again.
>Squeeze paw.
>There is no paw.
>What are you squeezing?
>Stop squeezing.
>You’re not going to go down the love comedy path, Anon.
>Grab her arm. That’s more like it.
>Now it looks like you’re embracing her, somewhat. This is going nowhere. Just accept it.
>Tune back to reality after your short internal struggle.
>”-as such, the Punishment Pits are not quite as bad as most people make them out to be.”
>You feel like you didn’t miss much, either way.
>And now you’re in the middle of a literal orgy. Or a nest of JubJub. Actually, there isn’t a difference between the two.
“JubJub nests are known for their never-ending orgies. I’d try to make this sound professional, but there isn’t a way to do it without saying ‘Basically, they’re fucking constantly’. So I’m just going to give you some trivia about these places.
The constant fucking and the spewing of fluids all over the place creates a miasma of pure arousal around their nests.
It’s sex mist. And yes, that’s also the reason why aphrodisiacs sometimes rain from the sky, if you wanted to ask.”
>Feel your groin literally burning. She’s not joking.
“Now, it also has an immediate effect, so, it’s best to get out of here unless you want to have some long, ball-slapping sex with your tour guide.”
>She grabs your crotch.
>Teleport. Yet Again.
>The feeling doesn’t go away.
“It might also cause a constant state of low-arousal for a few hours, along with heightened senses.”
>She is now behind you, whispering in your ear.
>That shit ASMR from earlier? It’s quality just shot through the roof. You’re about to blow your brain out from that.
>Thankfully(but sadly), she stops, grabs you by the arm and drags you into what seems to be… tavern?
“Now, we take pride in our beverages and traditional dishes, and what better way to describe the flavors than to actually experience them?”

>A plate full of cake, hard candy and just sweets in general later, you feel like you could burst. In both meanings of the word.
>If the tea wasn’t drugged, these sugary dishes sure were. Unless that’s their actual purpose.
>That wouldn’t surprise you.
>You look at your guide, sitting across the table, a smirk slowly forming on her face as she begins to speak.
“With this, our tour comes to an end. I hope you enjoyed your stay. Please do recommend our agency to your acquaintances.”
>After that, she just stands up and leaves.
>What the actual hell.
>Turn around, trying to see if this is some kind of joke.
>Nope, it isn’t. She actually left you.
>Sigh and wonder how you’ll get out of here, somehow ignoring the heat that’s building up in your nethers.
>Your shoulders are being rubbed.
>To your left, there she is, the guide who just abandoned you.
>The business suit from earlier? The conservative part just got thrown out the window.
>It’s all skimpy now.
“Now that I’m off my shift, time to get to some real touristic attractions.”
>Fat Cat Ass is now in your lap.
>You are fine with this.

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