Free Hugs

>Be a cockatrice that lacks a good cock.
>I feel sorry for writing that now.
>Be a member of your school’s sports club.
>Seems fitting, doesn’t it?
>At any rate, unlike normal cockatrices, you’re a special snowflake.
>In other words, your pheromones are shit.
>And that’s why you lack a good cock.
>It’s totally not because you’re more of a coward when it comes to men than most basement dwelling virgins.
>Oh wait.
>Go to Cheshire friend before you start questioning your existence.
>She might have a good idea.
>Oh, who are you kidding, that faggotcat will humiliate you.
>And not in the kinky way either.
>Explain your situation to her and wait ’till she thinks of how to ruin your reputation.
>Watch her as she grabs a nearby deus-ex-pen-cardboard-and-rope.
>She writes ‘Free hugs’ on the cardboard and ties it around your neck.
>Hey, this might actually work. It’s not so bad.
>Go outside.
>Filthy fat rednecks start to crawl out of the ground, sewers and basements.
>They eye you up and start jogging towards you with their uncut dicks pointing towards your virgin pussy.
>Gag a little at the sight.
>As desperate as you might be, at least you have standards.
>Start to run.
>Question your sanity as the world around you narrows down into a single road, and a health bar appears over your head.
>Why is this a sidescroller all of a sudden?
>Virgin approaches you.
>Jump on his head.
>Gain 100 points.
>Pause.
>Yep, a sidescroller.
>Whose idea was this?
>Oh right, faggotcat’s.
>Resume.
>Continue running, jumping on the head of any fat fucker that stands in your way.
>Hey, this is actually pretty fun.
>Miss your jump and bump into a virgin.
>Scream as he starts fondling your tight bird ass.
>See the “PRESS A AND B TO ESCAPE” notice in front of you.
>PRESS A AND B
>Escape from the virgin’s hands.
>Kick him in the face.
>+100
>Pause.
>Ok, so, one of those hentai sidescrollers.
>This should better not be over 10 dollars.
>Resume.
>Run and crush the hopes and dreams of every fucker you come across on your mad run.
>Go into a dark castle.
>Why are there lava pits in here?
>Jump over the lava pits and dodge the spirits of angry cucks.
>They’re still salty from those mindbreak stories.
>No one forced them, so, don’t feel sorry for them.
>Reach a bridge that’s suspended over a lava pit.
>Pause.
>This is oddly familiar.
>Hope that it’s not copyrighted.
>Resume.
>An obese old man sits at the end of the bridge.
>He starts throwing shitty fanart of his OCs at you.
>Dodge the cancer, and kick him in the goonads.
>Watch him as he curls up in a fetal position, wailing in pain.
>Tell him that his waifu is garbage, and that he’s just the lowest scum of society.
>Go past his sorry ass, and enter the deepest chamber of the castle.
>See your faggotcat friend there.
>”Thanks for saving me, friend. But your cock is in another castle!”
>You’ve had enough of her shit.
>Beat that smug grin out of her with your cardboard sign.
>Damn, this thing is pretty sturdy.
>Go into the actual deepest chamber of the castle.
>Find the captain of the sport’s team there.
>A secret boss!
>Run right into him, and do what most hentai game players do.
>Lose on purpose.
>Get fucked raw.
>This is ok.
>Credits starts to roll.
>The end.

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