Cactus Bogey

Species: Ogre, Plant

Habitat: Urban parks, farms, the occasional backyard garden

Disposition: Teasing, relaxed, caring

Diet: Sunlight, ambient mana, omnivourous


The Cactus Bogey is a bogey loved by city planners and farmers alike. These bogeys’ remarkable ability to rejuvenate the land has earned these jolly green beauties the nickname of “pillars of the garden”.

Of course, most people outside of professions such as gardening may not have even heard of these creatures, even though they walk right past them every day. That’s because despite their plush bodies and patchwork appearance, even relatively close by, they appear to be nothing more than normal cacti. There are some differences however that make it easier from afar. For example, regardless of how tall or how short they are, they are always voluptuous, and if they have been over-watered recently, sport a sizeable belly. This method is not reliable, however, as most public gardens or farms tend to carry shapely plants crafted by the locale gardener. The only other methods are to see if someone is stuck to them or to get close enough and find out how that happens.

When a person gets too close to a Cactus Bogey, they might find themselves suddenly scooped up and pressed against her, and even when she stops hugging, find themselves unable to pull away. It’s not for lack of trying, however, as while the cactus bogey has numerous large cartoonish spines, she also has many smaller ones that dot her body. None of these are sharp enough to break the skin nor sharp enough to irritate it, but they do secrete an unknown substance that causes skin and clothes to stick to her like velcro. The reason she sticks people to her like this is that when they root for the day, their emotions are heightened, bringing an extra strong need to cuddle, and will gladly do so with the first person who gets too close. She won’t keep the person forever though, and will pull them off of her when the day is done. The Cactus Bogey can do this because the spines on her hands are not as sticky and can retract into her hands.

Of course, if rooting causes such high emotions, why do they do it? It’s due to their diets. While Cactus Bogey is omnivorous and can eat like anyone else, they derive a majority of their nutrients from photosynthesis while rooted, especially when unmarried. They will find a nice spot with soil and a lot of sun, and using the claws on their feet, bury themselves up to their knees in soil, and root for the day, usually doing this process early in the morning as the sun comes up. Interestingly, even though they are taking some resources from the soil, such as nitrates, their ambient mana seeps back into the ground in its place, not only replacing the nutrients lost but also enriching the soil, leading to a stronger, healthier plant life ecosystem. This has led many city planners, farmers, and even some hobby gardeners to hire Cactus Bogey to come plant themselves in their soil to help keep their plants healthy with less effort. The Cactus Bogey doesn’t even need much water, as their bodies naturally try to hold onto the water they can get, storying it within their bellies, arms, legs, and chests. Great care needs to be taken not to overwater them though, as the only way for them to release it without using it is through their breasts, which both flower and produce a particular type of nectar that many consider a delicacy, especially if their flowers have been pollinated. Cactus Bogey often share this nectar with those stuck to them as a treat for cuddling with them. They even keep themselves cool thanks to their cacti skin when it’s too hot, and warm with their bogey plush when it’s too cold, meaning they can enrich even hot deserts or cold tundra.

Cactus Bogeys are still monsters, however, and take great joy in marriage. However, unlike other monsters, they don’t actively seek marriage, instead waiting for it to come to them, literally. While Cactus Bogeys always release the people that get stuck to them when the day is over, some people come back. It could be they like the nectar, it could’ve been they got too close once, or it could be they just like standing cuddles in the sun. Whatever the reason, some come back over and over, cuddling with the Cactus every day, and should the Cactus Bogey take an interest in the person back, she will ask for their hand in marriage. If the person agrees, the Cactus will not unstick them when the day is done, instead leaving them stuck to her as she takes them to her home. There she will relentlessly dote on the person, even going so far as to stick their lips to her nipples so they can’t pull away while she pets their head. She may also stick her lips to theirs, forcing them into a kiss they can’t leave, or if feeling frisky, even sticking them to the spines of her privates. Whatever they do, the new spouse of the Cactus Bogey will find themselves stuck to her for days at a time, cuddling relentlessly as both soak up the sun, possibly while in coitus. As the Cactus makes love, a change will begin to happen in her body, and she will literally bear fruit. This fruit holds a more potent concentrated version of the nectar, and she will often feed it to her spouse as they laze in the sun, though she may also sell it to farmers’ markets for a fair amount of money.

The fruits that the Cactus Bogey’s feed to their partners have a special effect, however. When the person who helped the Cactus bore fruit eats it, their body will start to change. As they eat it, their skin becomes soft and plush like the bogeys, taking on the same green hue. The spouse will also grow their own spines when stuck to the bogey, making them indistinguishable from her. To anyone looking at them, the spouse looks just like a branch growing off of a regular cactus, allowing the bogey and her partner to be as frisky as they like with no one the wiser. The spouse’s spines aren’t just for show though, and as the spouse’s spines stick the bogey, the bogey’s skin will start to become softer and softer, turning it into an incredibly comfy place for the spouse to rest their body as they cuddle the day away under the shining sun.

Truly these pillars of the garden are a sight to behold when one can spot them, and if one does spot them, be sure to thank them for their hard work. Just be sure to thank them from a distance if you have plans that day!

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