Ace of Joker – Part Four

A wise man once said: Look this stack! I got money! I GOT MONEY!

This wise man then proceeded to use his N-word privileges to tell his fellow man not to trip, as he is realest rapper alive. You think.

This reminds you of your now jobless state of living. Ekaterina is tinkering with some sort of crossword puzzle. You still wonder how her claws aren’t tearing through the paper, but Mamono are weird like that. Regardless, you’ve enjoyed not getting harassed nonstop and not having to answer the same fucking questions over and over again.

If only you could make money being a lazy ass. You could have made a career out of your hobby, but no one wants to watch a washed up twenty something jack off to his draconic girlfriend all day.

Absolutely no one…except Ekaterina maybe.

Maybe? The fuck are you thinking? Of course she would!

“Dear, I need your help.”

Looks like Ekaterina has hit a mental roadblock. You wonder what the crossword puzzle has thrown at her.

“Say, what does one do with a grapefruit in bed?”

…

“Dear?”

Are you fucking serious? What idiot made this crossword puzzle? WHO THE FUCK HAS THE AUDACITY! THE NERVE! TO FUCKING MAKE THAT A QUESTION!?

“Are you having one of your mental episodes again? Seriously, you need to lighten up!”

ALL OF YOUR RAGE AND HATE!!!!

“Grapefruiting”, you say. Ekaterina gives you a confused look.

“Uh….That’s a not a word…”

“Yes it is”, you reply. “It’s a…unique technique of sorts…”

“Technique?”

You can’t believe that you’re going to explain this. This cursed crossword puzzle is enhancing your agony…

“Think of it like a onahole.”

The moment of truth is upon you.

“…”

Ekaterina looks quite…uninterested? Wait, she’s not interested!? PRAISE THE SUN!

“Well, I guess some people have really weird fetishes. Though, us Mamono were seen as such not to long ago, yeah?”

You shrug. At least that’s over. You thought things would have gone much worse. Maybe your life cares about the state of your pelvis.

xXAoJXx

This…

This… is simultaneously the worst and best moment of your life.

One hand, you are wrapped in the embrace of a very beautiful and curvy Jabberwock. On the other hand…

“What’s with that look? Enjoy yourself! That’s why you can’t last for two minutes in sex!”

Mini-you is trapped the oiled coils of said Jabberwock’s tentacles. You regret assuming that your pelvis was safe. You wince slightly, as the tentacles continue their constricting dance. Back and forth they go across your hypercannon. By god, you can’t understand how some people can live through this daily! Especially if they have multiple wives! Before you can even protest more, you drop your payload of even smaller mini-yous.

‘Sorry guys, still no warm hole to impregnate’, you say to yourself. Would that make you a weirdo if you talked about your sperm like they were people? Most likely. Ekaterina sighs, pulling her tendrils away from your hypercannon. She lays down on your bed, looking quite distraught.

“Some Mamono I am…Can’t even make my man enjoy the sex…”

You feel awful at those words. Why this hard for you? It’s just sex! It shouldn’t be this hard!

“Hey, Ekaterina, don’t feel bad. It’s me, not you.”

Ekaterina sighs again. Man, this sucks.

“Still though…”

You reach across and give her hug. Ekaterina blushes slightly, before returning the gesture.

“Look on the bright side”, you begin. “At least I’m not fainting from the sex, eh?”

She giggle at that. You’ve won some points on that one. You already feel like less of an ass already.

“Hey…”

You look up only to have you lips captured by Ekaterina’s. Her tongue slides into you mouth easily while her neck tongue slides long your neck.

Though you may love her, Jabberwocks are fucking weird biologically…

Break the kiss, Ekaterina pats your head and whispers good night. Into the realm of sleep you go…

xXAoJXx

TAKE EVERYTHING FROM THE INSIDE! AND THROW IT ALL AWAY! CAUSE I SWEAR! FOR THE LAST TIME! I WILL TRUST MYSELF WITH YOU!

“Can’t that fucker turn her music DOWN!?”

You watch with both amusement and fear as Ekaterina flips her shit over your neighbors choice in music.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get use to it”, you snark.

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! HER TASTE IN MUSIC MAKES IT WORSE! I DON’T CARE ABOUT ALL THE FUCKING ANGSTY PROBLEMS THAT BAND HAS!”

You try to suppress your laughter. This too good.

“All I hear is ‘pushing my away’ this and ‘the little things give you away’ that! UGH!”

Ekaterina stalks off into the bathroom. The water begins to run. To your surprise, Ekaterina pops her head out from behind the door.

“At least you have better taste in music…”

“Uh…”

“Uh? What do you mean uh?”

Looks like you’re going to have to introduce Ekaterina to a man called Shady…

 

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