A Connecticut Yankee… Pages 66-70

December 29th… cont.

Romie was finally finished with me after 3 more rounds of sex. Jesus, I think one day she’s going to kill me by fucking me to death, if not her then her psycho split half would probably finish the job.

Well, I suppose there’s worse ways to go…

Honestly, doing it in the woods, on the dirt, sucks. You get things up in places that you really don’t want ever to have up there. Of course Romie didn’t have to worry about that, she had me as a nice comfy fuck mattress. 

After I got redressed and her teleporting back home to get clothes, we shoved everything that we salvaged from the tank into the giant backpack she brought. I did a trial lift of the thing with some unease. Yep, it was a heavy bitch alright.

This was gonna suck. 

“Why do you do everything the hard way?” Romie asked smugly as she floated by behind me, arms folded behind her head like she was on a damn vacation. 

She was always in a good mood after we had sex and usually I was too except for the fact that I had no sleep, was nearly raped by Werewolves posing as Girl Scouts and then subsequently raped by her evil split half. So yeah, you could say I was in a pissy mood. 

“Oh really? And I suppose you have a brilliant idea on how to get all this back to the castle?” I spat, turning around to glare at her, now all of a sudden she a fucking genius in physics.

“Yep, I can just teleport it back.” She said with a knowing grin. 

…Now why the hell didn’t I think of that, I frowned. 

“Fine, you win,” I mumbled after an embarrassing few moments.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that?” She asked, suddenly teleporting next to me, her feline ears perked high. 

I growled to myself. A college educated, 21st century guy… outsmarted by her…. The shame of it all…

”I said you win, okay! You got me on that one!” 

Her impossibly large, smug grin was her only response. I sighed, supposing that being with a Cheshire, it was statistically impossible not to eventually get pissed off at their bullshit. 

Grabbing a hold of the bag, she flicked her tongue out at me before teleporting out. It would have been impressive if it actually worked. All the crap inside spilled in a pile on the ground after she and the bag disappeared.  

Huh, well I guess I’m not the only one immune to magic. It would seem anything that’s from Earth is also immune too.

That was a significant discovery, although one I couldn’t find much use for at the time. It just meant that unfortunately I had to haul all the shit back myself. 

She popped back after a few moments,

”What happened?” She asked holding the empty backpack in her paws.

”We can’t teleport it,” I sighed as I took the bag from her and commenced to refill it.

”Looks like anything from Earth is immune to magic.”


“Yeah, neat…”I grumbled as I shouldered the thing.

”Let’s get going.”


Dropping the backpack on the ground with a groan, I peered at an unusual sight… Well maybe not that unusual here in Wonderland…

“Huh, looks like someone had a party.” I said squatting down to look at all the discarded clothing on the dirt. Just taking a wild guess but from what I could tell, the owners of the clothing were from the same  expeditionary force that Romie’s mom and the Trumparts went to go take care of a few days back.  

“Mmmm,” Romie purred as she appeared next to me, ”Is it giving you any ideas?” 

“Seriously? Didn’t we just had sex like an hour ago?” I asked, standing.

”Well, that was an hour ago, I’m talking about right now!” She said eagerly as she threw her arms around my neck in a hug and proceeded to dry hump me.

“You really gotta calm down,” I said with a laugh as I pulled her off me, looking down. 

A small notebook peaked out of the pocket of a well-kept pair of pants piled upon the layers of the abandoned clothes.  

Curious, I snatched it out and flipped through the pages. There were lots of messy writing, that even if I could easily read, I probably wouldn’t be able to because of this guys chicken scratch. I was just about to stop when I came across a hand drawn symbol towards the back. There was no way it should be there… the symbol for nuclear radiation…

“Hey… What does this say?” I asked carefully, pointing to the writing on the page around it. 

She glanced at it for a few seconds before reading,

”‘The holy relic shall reveal itself by this symbol. Then it says- Retrieve at all cost, for it shall be our salvation,” She pointed at the various scribbles with a claw.

“Here it says – Praise and glory be unto The Chief God for her divine gift to baptize the world in fire and purify it from sin,” She finished making a face, “Ugh, I hate that kind of stuff.”

Yeah, I would have agreed to a certain extent and even thought her expression was cute if I wasn’t pissing my pants. This was suspiciously shaping out to be some Planet of the Apes shit and we all know how that ended…

I licked my dry lips and asked, “Where do you think they were headed?” 

In answer, she flew up above the green and orange polka-dotted trees for a brief moment before returning. 

“Maybe that way,” She said pointing east, “There’s something over there, I just can’t make it out.” 

It took us about another 30 minutes or so to reach, but when we finally did… Wow. 

It was once a large plane- a bomber or transport of some kind. The wings were gone, torn off, along with massive damage everywhere. It had been here for a few years, with evidence of regrowth everywhere from the path that the thing took when it crash landed to where it settled. 

Making our way inside, I checked the cockpit. A skeleton dressed in an American air-force uniform sat strapped into the co-pilots chair. I stared at him for a moment, thinking he should be given a proper burial.

”Sorry, my friend, I wished you could have made it…” I mumbled silently to him. 

“Donnie, I think I found it!”  Romie called to me from the back of the plane. 

I looked upon the compact, sleek, missile attached to a cradle on the plane’s floor. I’d bet you the last dollar in my wallet that the thing was designed to be attached to a predator drone. Staring at the tiny symbol on its side, I was hoping, praying, that my eyes were somehow playing tricks on me. They weren’t. The symbol in the notebook, the relic of great power that would turn the tide of war in favor of The Order… It was a god damn nuke. 

There was no profanity I knew, no cuss word I could say that would do justice to that moment. Shock and terror were rioting in my head and all the cops had the day off. 

“Hey, what’s wrong, you’ve been staring at that thing for a while now.” Romie said as she came up next to me. 

I turned, probably white as a ghost, regarding her and the bomb back and forth. How could I explain something like this to her? She had no knowledge of physics, of 21st century weapons, or even the concept of a WMD.

Her ears flattened against her head in fear as she grabbed me by the shoulders, “Hey! You’re scaring me, what is it?!”

I fought against myself, trying not to freak the fuck out. It wasn’t armed, it couldn’t have been if it had been here for the while that it seemed like it had been here for. Everything was fine. It was ok…. It was ok….


I took a deep breath to calm myself. Make that 5 deep breaths as my girlfriend continued to hold me and search my face for some kind of answer as to why I was losing my shit. Finally I spoke,

”We… May have a problem…”

She looked at me questioningly as I spoke again.

You see that?” I pointed to the bomb. Her eyes followed my finger to it.

”That… That’s from my world. It’s called a nuclear bomb, it… it’s a weapon of mass destruction,  it could very easily destroy an entire city in a matter of moments.” I said trying to keep my voice steady and even. 

She looked at the small missile in disbelief. 

“You’re pulling my tail. How in the name of the Maou could that little thing destroy a city?” She questioned with a grin, thinking I was joking with her.  

Oh, my poor, sweet, innocent little Cheshire. You have no idea of all the horrors we Humans have created… 

I swallowed hard as I attempted to explain to her,

“It’s from my world. Remember what I told you, we’re about a millennia ahead of you guys here with technology.  That means  our weapons are too… This was made to end life… To…  Totally destroy a very large area.”

While the bomb seemed to be a highly miniaturized version of the ones I had seen on TV, games and online, I was damn sure it could take out anything on this world with no problem. 

“Why? Why would your people build such a thing?” She asked in fear, looking back and forth between it and me, her grin vanishing.

Guess she finally believed me. 

How could I answer that? What answer could I ever offer that wouldn’t make the Humans of my world sound like real monsters? We built it to kill as many people as possible? For self-defense? To win a war, that if started with another nuclear country, would end up just destroying all life on the planet? We built it just because we could? No answer I could give would make sense. Not even to my crazy little Cheshire. 

I sighed out loud, as she looked at me for some kind of reasoning. 

“That’s a question… I can’t easily explain right now.” I said sadly to her. It was a piss poor answer, she deserved more, she deserved the truth. My mind at the time, though, was racing to figure out what to do.

“But we can’t leave it here. The Order knows about it, they were looking for it…” 

Another question. How the hell do they know about nukes? The symbols? A terrifying thought came to mind. Maybe someone told them, someone that knew it was here. Maybe…. Maybe my happy ass isn’t the only one here from Earth right now… 

I disengaged myself from her and walked over to it. Romie held out her paw to me, urging me to come back, not to go near it. 

“We have to somehow dismantle it… destroy the parts, bury the plutonium core in the deepest darkest hole we can find…” I thought aloud. 

And I knew just the person to help me do it…


”We have to take it to mother. She’ll help us.” 

I stared at her for a moment.

”Uh, no.”

”Why?” She asked, shocked that I wouldn’t.

“Because, Romie, I’m not handing a nuclear weapon over to your mom and by relation, your grandma.”

“And why not? Why is it ok to ask my mother for help in getting you home but not with this?” 

I walked back, took her paws in my hands and kissed them, “I want you to know that I love you very much and I would put my life in your hands… Paws.” 

Romie blushed fiercely at my honesty, overlooking my verbal fuck up, as I continued, 

 “But I don’t trust your family. Your grandma Maou wants to conquer the world and change humanity, even if it’s with the best of intentions, I can’t get behind that. Your mom, I guess I hardly know but regardless, I refuse to hand over that much destruction, that much misery to anyone.” 

“Your people have it.” She said pointedly with a defiant gesture of her chin. I had to smile inside, my girl really was a sharp cookie. 

“Yeah, you’re right and we’ve almost destroyed the world multiple times since we’ve developed the technology.” I said thinking back to the destruction of Hiroshima, the Cuban Missile Crisis and even the Doomsday Clock.

“Do you really want to live in a world where someone has their finger on a button that could vaporize everything with a single push?” I asked quietly. 

Romie angrily crossed her arms and looked away but she knew I was right. There were a lot of monsters in this world, maybe I was one to add to that number, but I would be damned if I let this thing exist here and even be duplicated. 

“I wish… I wish things were different. That you and I could settle down, enjoy the good life with no cares or worries. Maybe… maybe even start a family one day…”

Her ears perked up at that, and she turned her head towards me with an unreadable expression. 

“But this… This is bigger then you and me. This threatens everything and everybody. We have to destroy it. I… I need to know… Are you with me?” I whispered.

With a single answer she could shatter what I kept guarded for so long. The thing that I insanely gave her because she was my kind of crazy. 

My heart. 

I held my breath as she stared at me. My eyes meeting hers. Her face was indecipherable as time seemed to slow once again around us. It was like my whole being revolved around her answer. I knew I couldn’t do it alone and I had no idea how I was going to explain Victoria to her and vice versa but I also knew I couldn’t do it without each of them.

I peered deep into her eyes. You could almost drown in them. It was like I was swimming in a sea of purple, waiting for an answer. A soft smile spread over her lips as she came close and quietly said 7 simple words.

”I’ll always be with you, my husband.” 

I exhaled roughly, fighting to keep my emotions in check as she said what I needed to hear the most. 

“Thank you,” I said shakily as I hugged her tight, tears escaping from my eyes.

“After this though,” She whispered into my ear, “You’ll never say no to me when I want sex.”

”Okay,” I laughed, rubbing away the tears with my knuckle, “I’ll do you one even better. After this, I’ll be your personal slave, whatever you want, I’ll do.”

Her eyes lit up with the possibilities as she gave me her impossibly large Cheshire grin.

God help me, I think I may have over promised way too much.  

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