“Why? So you can get drunk and make me sleep in the barn again?” she asks loud enough for everyone to hear.
That flying fucking bullshit artist. I can’t see from down here, but I’m sure she has that infuriating smirk right now.
I grit my teeth.
“That’s…..” I begin to say through the megaphone. This wasn’t a mistake or a misunderstanding on her part- she was straight-up lying about my treatment of her in front of pretty much the whole county. Instinctively I was going to say “That’s not true” but then inspiration struck me.
Why not fight her bullshit with more bullshit?
“That’s because you keep dive-bombing my schnauzer! The poor thing is terrified of you now!”
Oh the look on her face. She’s been getting used to goading and teasing me, but not being on the receiving end of such treatment. The surprise and indignation on Perri’s face was visible even from my lowly position on the ground, and it was sweeter than any gooey, caramel covered confectionary.
“Dressed like wh-” she doesn’t even finish her question before letting out a little shriek and reflexively covering herself up with her arms as she looked down, even though I couldn’t see anything too salacious from where I was standing.
“Oh…oh my…..you must have greater control of this dreamscape than I anticipated.” she observed timidly. “Not quite full lucid dreaming, but still…..”
Come to think of it, the beautiful, bespectacled bovine woman in this dream kitchen is (barely) dressed in a manner that seems a bit reminiscent of the Gil Elvgren or Freeman Elliot pin-ups I’m so fond of.
“Please…” she implored me. “I…I can tell you what you would like to know, but can I get something a little less revealing?”
Wait a sec- I have the power to dress and undress her in my dreams? Well now- this could be pretty fun.
The apron vanishes altogether, and my bovine visitor has one arm draped across her voluminous breasts and her hand covering up between her legs.
“KYAAAAA! I…I’ve been tarnished forever. Nobody will want to marry me now!” my uninvited visitor lamented as she tired even harder to conceal herself. “I’m a sage with 400 years experience in this field- why would you even want to do such a thing to me, young man?”
“Hang on, hang on….” I try to reassure her
“What the hell was that all about!?” I pant, bringing up my hat so that I can see.
“The oldest daughter in prior host family taught capoeira- she gave me a few lessons.”
“It’s a fighting style that originates from Brazil that incorporates common dance moves into-“
“I…I know what it is, Perri.” I mumble. “I’m just wondering why…”
“In Japan, I couldn’t fly as much as I would’ve preferred- but my host family sought other ways for me to remain physically active.”
“But…you’re….an apex predator! That’s like teaching a 700 lb gorilla how to use a crossbow!”
“Are you calling me a gorilla?” she scowled at me.
“I could call you a lot worse than that.”