Cut and Run Ch. 1 Retcon 4 of 5


Cut and Run Chapter 1 Retcon Part 4 of 5

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I was in the middle of repairing yet ANOTHER batch of Ofuda, when I tense up at the sound of the intercom snapping on.

“All Viable Males are to report to the Chow Hall for Inspection- IMMEDIATELY!” echoed the voice of Sarashina, the facility Warden.

So what do I do? What I always do when I hear our Warden telling us to do something.

I blow it off. However, it did give me a pause.

‘Hmmph.’ I mused, ‘I’m surprised we have enough dudes left for an inspection.’ The Chow-Hall seemed so empty of late. I was annoyed that even now, I never get chosen for dishwasher duty.

Just for a second, and only a second, I entertained the notion of moseying down yonder to scope out whichever desperate Mamono the Warden had invited. 

‘Naaah!’ I reconsidered, ‘Any Low-standards Mamono coming here, must have something seriously wrong with her.’ I concluded.

Besides, I’d rather fix bad-Ofuda. I’ve had enough experience with Karma, to know that it would take gleeful advantage of my laziness.

‘What goes around comes around.’ I grimace, thinking of that one dude who’d been left ‘walking funny’. All because of a super-sex-charged Ushi-Oni.

I return to my task. Then, after a couple of minutes, I freeze when my ‘Detect Mamono’ spell alarmed.

‘Angelique.’ I realized with a suppressed moan. ‘What the fuck does that pesky hairball of a Were-Cat want now?’ I asked myself rhetorically.

‘She’s probably trying to take advantage of my absence to snooze on my bunk again.’ She started that shit up, just after I’d given up waiting for a reply from my Light-Web contact, MamoNO-714. I had a sneaking suspicion intercepted a message from the poor bastard.

‘He probably got paid a visit from a Lilim.’ I decided with a shudder.

As to Angelique, I’d been doing my best Asshole imitation to get her to stop. No luck so far.

Ok. Ok, I admit that it’s not that much of an act.

What the hell does she think I’m going to do? Wub her widdle tummy for her?’ I thought snidely.

I smile when I remembered that I did have some measure of success. Lately, she bolts at the sound of a can of shaving cream dispensing. It just took a mere two applications to an outstretched paw, and a tickled nose later,…

My smile turns into a grin, when I remember that one time, I’d managed to cop a laser-pointer. Despite a several story fall and bruised paw-pads, she STILL kept coming round.  Then I had a song come unbidden to my mind.

‘But the cat came back, she wouldn’t stay away,’
‘She was sitting on the porch, the very next day,’
‘The cat came back, she didn’t want to roam.’
‘The very next day, it was home sweet home.’

With a shake of my head, I dismiss that annoying song.

‘Am I made of out of cream or something?’ I wondered.

“Uhmmm, Allen?” Angelique chirruped behind me, “You know you’re supposed to be in the Chow Hall, uhhh right Nyan?”

I try to ignore her.

Does she take the hint?

Of course not!

Instead of speaking again, she does something she hasn’t done in a month: A light paw-tap on my shoulder. I tense up.

‘Activate Asshole-mode!’ I decide. I spring out of my chair and lash at her paw with an open hand! I come so close, that I felt the fur on her paw tickle my fingertips in transit.

“God Damn It Cat!” I yell, “What the fuck do you want, now?!” I deliberately yell too loudly.

By the time I’m fully up, she’s already darted herself away and crouched into a ball in my room’s doorway. Her ears laid back, tortoise-shell fur all fluffed, and the most pathetic look of hurt on her adorable furry face. It takes every ounce of my self-control to not break character and console her.

“HSSSSSHH!” she goes when we make eye contact. What do I do in response?

I crouch down onto my knees, lean forward into her face, and return the favor: “HSSSSShhhttthhhppp!” I end up spluttering. Try as I might, I can never imitate a cat hiss without spraying saliva. We stare at each other for a couple of seconds.

“Why are you,… always so mean to me?” she whines in a quivering yowl.

I could’ve told about sparing her pain further down the road. But honesty would just pique her curiosity, and you know how cats are when it comes to that.

Instead, I lick my lips to steel myself and prepare to utter my rehearsed reply.

“I guess there’s something about you, which brings out the worst in me.” I do in my best Snidely Whiplash voice, just without the evil laughter.

Her eyes narrow, tears start to well up and then suddenly I’m alone, when she leaps out into the hallway and runs off. She’s sobbing piteously every step of the way.

I remain where I’m crouching, left feeling like the total shit that I was. After a few seconds, I silently get up, go over to my chair and sit down. I try to resume work on the Ofuda, but all I end up doing is staring off into space.

Then it hits me.

‘Holy Fuck!’ I realize, ‘What a sweet Irony.’ I thought with a breathless pant. ‘By avoiding a monster wife, I’ve become a monster.’ I then lean forward and cover my face with both hands.

“I REALLY need to get out of here before I lose what’s left of my soul!’ I vowed. Just for a second, I felt my Mojo flex in agreement.

I then breathed in, held it for a few seconds and then let it out. Once more I get started on finishing the Ofuda. But, as fate would have it…

“Why aren’t you in the Chow-Hall, Mr. Belushi?” came a familiar sounding voice. I stop, turn around and frown at the sight that awaited me.

It was that annoying stale lime-jellybean who had zapped me back in California; “Deputy-Doji”. I stare coldly back at her for a second before replying.

“Because the Warden mentioned the word: ‘Viable’ in her request.” I smiled. “We both know I’m not.”

“That vasectomy has nothing to do,…” she began, I interrupted.

“Would you want a guy who shoots blanks?” I demand, she stops and frowns at me. “Neither would anyone else.” I finish for her, and return to my work.

Before I could continue, I feel a heavily clawed hand snatch ahold of the back of my shirt and jerk me out of my chair!

“HEY!” I yell as I start flailing around, as I’m dragged backwards. After banging my shins on the banisters of the first stairwell down, I automatically yell out the worst insult a dude can give a Mamono.

“Gallorderlite!” I shout, and then I immediately regret it.

Why? Because that particular phrase roughly translates to- ‘Your Incubus prefers his hand! (over you).’ 

Yeah, not very diplomatic.

The last thing I see is a set of green-tinged knuckles approaching,…

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I’m in a sitting position when I awaken. I flinch away from the feel of something cold pressed to the side of my face.

“Uh,…” I begin, “Um,…what?” I blink. I blink again and then moan.

“Allen.” Comes a familiar voice, “Allen you need to wake up.” 

“Errk!” I reply, as intelligently as I could muster then. Someone starts tapping at my face. I try to raise my hands to shoo them away, but I discover that I have a problem getting them to move.

“Five more minutes, Mom!” I blearily reply. Suddenly someone slaps me across the face- HARD!

“OW! Fuck!” I yell as I flinch, and then regret it. As I’m hurting all over!

“What the fuck man?” I finally grunt when my head finally begins to clear. I look around and notice that I’m being held up into a sitting position by one of my fellow facility ‘Guests’: Ralph. I see that my roomie Larry is kneeling in front of me with an ice-filled bag.

“Oh.” I realize the situation.

“Larry? I feel like someone drug me down a dozen flights of stairs.” I slur. Larry smiles and looks away for a second.

“Funny you should put it that way.” He says, as he glances to the side. “Because that’s exactly what she did.” I follow where he’s looking at.

“Oh.” I said deeply. “The Asparagus-Queen.” ‘Deputy Doji’. I sigh. She glowers back at me from across the Chow-Hall and cracks her knuckles menacingly.

“What did you do?” Larry asked, incredulous. “She’s never been that rough and tumble before.”

“The lady can’t take a compliment.” I grunt. “What’s up?” Larry looked dubiously at me for a second then spoke.

“We’ve got a problem.”

“What else is new?” I grunt.

“Not like this.”

“Fill me in.”

“The Warden has invited one of her old drinking buddies to scope us out.”

“Yeah so?” I replied nonchalantly. “She’s done that before. Big whoop.” I chuff.

“Not this time. This is one is a Dark Elf.” He replied grimly. My eyes spring open wide.

“Are you shitting me!?” I replied, I felt like someone was pouring a pitcher of cold water down my spine.

Why the worry? Because Dark-Elfs don’t bother with consent. They just ride a guy hard and hang him up wet.

Larry shook his head and mouthed the word: ‘No.’ I swallowed.

“It gets worse.”

“How can it get any worse?” I squeaked.

“Her name is Ilse Grim-Koch.” He whispered.

“Ilse Grim-Koch? The same Elf whose husband recently died, accidentally?”

“Yeah, ‘accidental-suicide’.” Larry finished, licking his lips nervously. Yeah, the David Carradine version.

“Oh man one of us is SO SCREWED!” I replied shakily. I immediately waved off the hands supporting me, “Thanks Ralph.” I said, then got to my feet. I knew why he’d been so supportive. The more guys to scope out, the lesser chance he’d get picked.

But to be fair, we were all thinking the same.

Well I tried to get to my feet. The first couple of times, I ended up not missing the floor after a step. Eventually I was successful.

Soon as I did, Deputy Doji screamed out: “FORM-RANKS!”

‘Ah crap!’ I muttered silently, but I complied. We all took our positions at full attention, and it got quiet enough there to hear a pin drop. No one wanted to attract attention to himself.

The Dark-Elf entered, then slowly walked across the room to inspect every one of us. I couldn’t see much at first, but once she got to the guy at the head of my column, I got a good look at her.

She was a short one all righty. Four feet tall if an inch. Dark brown skin, almost ebony, with a crown of platinum hair. She appeared to be dressed in a form fitting leather cat suit.

One by one, she checked each guy out by poking and prodding at him like he was a Butcher’s Shop daily special. Occasionally, I heard her murmur something to the Warden; who hovered at her elbow every step of the way.

I swear to Chief God that she pulled a couple of guy’s mouths open to look at their teeth.

‘Oh fuck!’ I thought, remembering that I’d just recently brushed.

Finally, she got to me. I tried not to shake or sweat any bullets when she looked me over. I kept my eyes straight ahead to avoid any eye contact. She barely gave me a glance, before sneering and moving on.

Once she did, I relaxed and turned my head to get a better look at her.

Big mistake.

I goggled at the sight of her flattened backside. My eyes almost crossed when I saw her curves, or to be more accurate- the near complete lack of them.

‘Probably flat chested too, I’d wager.’ I surmised.

She then paused and turned to look more closely at Ralph. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw her in profile.

The recently widowed, ‘Lady Ilse Grim-Koch’ resembled nothing more than a prepubescent boy in both size and form. She looked so comically unappealing that I couldn’t prevent what happened next.

“SNRK!” I chuffed, not quite suppressing a derisive snort. ‘oh shit!’ I realized a moment too late. For as soon as I snorted, Lady Ilse froze and turned her eyes to look at me.

‘Oh….fuck.’ I tried to swallow with a suddenly dry mouth. She stared at me for a moment longer, and then….one of her eyebrows, raised.

‘Oh,…double-fuck!’ I quailed. Lady Ilse then did something that struck terror into the core of my being.

She smiled. She smiled wide enough for me to see that every one of her teeth were pointed.

“Oh fuckity fuck!” I muttered aloud then, my control dissolving like cotton candy in a bowl of water.

Lady Ilse didn’t seem to be the least bit insulted by my comment   

She turned herself to face me directly, and began to saunter her way over. Which allowed me an ever better look at her. Her hands were on the front top of her thighs, as she started licking her upper lip, her eyes boring into mine like a hungry panther.

That was when I noticed the vestiges of her breasts sprout nipples. They seemed determined to penetrate their way through her shiny black leather top.

“Well,…well,…well!” she whispered huskily as she slowly made her way to me.

“It appears that this one!” she paused to bite momentarily at a gloved finger, “lacks,….discipline.” she breathed.

“Warden?” she said glancing over her shoulder, “I’ve decided.” I looked over Lady Ilse’s shoulder, and to my surprise our Blue Oni Warden was shaking her head while face palming.

I began to lose it.

“Get the fuck away from me you Gallorderite!” I screamed incoherently, as I rapidly backpedaled away from her. Then I tried to manhandle open a barred door, I’d bumped into.

Unfortunately, that insult didn’t faze her in the slightest.

Oh of course not!

Instead, it inflamed her even more!

Because that was when she reached into one of her thigh high boots and pulled something out. With a click and a snap, that something transformed into a wicked looking riding crop!

“I will enjoy breaking you!” she panted, “My sweet little project!” Challenge- ACCEPTED!” she cried breathlessly, as her eyes dilated enough for me to give her a retinal scan from across the room.

It was then that what little control remained to me; evaporated.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuckity! Fucking! FUCK!” I screamed and gibbered incoherently, as I tried to flee. Little good it did me, as Lady Ilse was hot on my heels every step of the way.

She chased me around the Chow-Hall like shit through a goose. Her chuckling laughter, combined with the sting from her riding crop was plenty motivation to keep running. Occasionally I caught sight of one of the attendant guards bent over in laughter at the sight of us both.

I did manage to buy myself a couple of seconds when I stopped, pointed and shouted: “Hugo Weaving!?” Lady Ilse stopped for a second and looked desperately at where I pointed. It didn’t take her long to figure out she’d been had. Her eyes burned furiously when she resumed her pursuit.

Then she changed her tactics and pulled out a bullwhip from some place I’d rather not know. A crack of the whip against my backside let me know that I was in the presence of a pro.  Big surprise.

That momentary lull had worked to my advantage. For in that moment, I was able to concentrate my Mojo just enough, to construct another spell ‘on-the-fly’.

I had recalled somewhere that Dark-Elfs loved discipline in their men. Conversely, they detested any form of uncleanliness in the same. So, I’d decided to take full advantage of that universal dislike of theirs.

In short, I began work on an on the fly ‘Fart-Spell’.

It seemed successful at first as I kept dodging and dashing. Until finally, the Lady Ilse managed to trip me and take me down. Despite my struggles, she managed to get me hog tied in short order.

As I lay as innocently as I could manage, my bowels began rumbling ominously.

‘Uh-oh’ I thought, ‘I may have made it just a teensy bit too powerful.’ I realized.

 “Oh Warden!” Ilse called out then, as she stood triumphantly atop my prone form. “I think I’ll be leaving now. I have what I sought!” she cried cheerfully.

‘Not yet, not yet!’ I thought, determined to embarrass her publicly.

“Mistress!” I called out then. “I’m so sorry!” I whined dramatically. But that was when Ilse stopped me with a well-placed snap of her whip shutting me up.

“Be Silent Worm!” she frowned imperiously down at me. Up over her shoulder, I noticed that Anna the Wurm, looked startled for a second, then she blushed and covered her mouth with one of her dragon paws.

“You will only speak when I allow it.” She ordered me haughtily. I nodded, and waited. My bowels began to rumble furiously.

Ilse waited for a second, and then nodded at me once. I almost smiled.

(RUMBLE. RUMBLE.)

“Mistress! I apologize for my manners.” I began, trying not to overdo my hamming.

“Apology accepted.” She said coldly, and then she continued. “I will consider a suitable penance for you to perform, once we’ve arrived at my dungeon.” She sternly informed me.

“Uhhhh,… I think that there’s something you’ll want to know.” I interrupted her meekly. Her face grew colder still as she frowned at me. (RUMBLE! RUMBLE!)

“What is it?” she breathed, her nostrils flaring angrily.

“I’m afraid I tend to get a little bit ‘gassy’ when I’m disciplined.” I stated in a small voice. Her eyes blazed with fury as she opened her mouth to scold me.

Just as she began to speak, was the moment when my bowels informed me, that they had reached the ‘point of no-return’.

‘Shaka! When the walls fell.’ I intoned with my eyes closed in concentration; releasing the magical lynch-pin.

Everything came to a near stop. Majestic Silence reigned over all.

Then, an implacable bloviating shockwave expanded from up and out of my ass, tearing that Silence asunder. Then it passed into every available nook and cranny of that Chow Hall.

I was so pleased to see my erstwhile Mistresses’ hair billow out as the shockwave passed over her. Her eyes widened so far in surprise, I thought they’d fall out.

Then, I saw her nostrils give off the tiniest bit of a ‘sniff’.

Words fail to convey properly the depths of horror that appeared on her face, when she realized what happened.

Surrounding us, Pandemonium ensued when my magically enhanced bowel stench manifested itself to all and sundry. Or to put it another way: there occurred a panicky Bugfuck mass exodus.

Lady Ilse, vanished faster than a Danuki facing a tax collector. Every other person in that hall did his or her own version of a disappearing act.

The stench was so bad, that Catharti the Turkey Vulture-Harpy, hightailed it out of the Chow-Hall with one wing over her mouth, trying desperately to keep from vomiting.

“Damn.” I said impressed with my handiwork, hearing my voice echo in the now empty Chow Hall. Looking around, I noticed that the freshly painted walls were starting to bubble and peel.

Then I remembered that I had been left unmonitored, yet still hogtied.

“Uhhhh, HELLO?!” I called out.

There was nothing but silence to answer me.

“A little help here?!” I tried again.

Still no answer.

Ah crap.’ I thought as I began tugging on my bonds.

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Later.

After I got to enjoy some quality ‘me’ time,..

Uhhhmm, no.

That’s not being honest. Let me rephrase that.

After my two days being held in solitary confinement,…

I was uhhh, ‘invited’,…to attend a meeting with the Warden in her office.

I stumbled and quickly recovered after I’d been shoved in. I quickly noted our Blue Oni Warden as she sat in her desk chair facing her, now much depleted, liquor cabinet. My attention shot back to the door when I heard the lock click shut from the outside.

When I turned back to the Warden, I noticed that she was now chugging from a bottle of,…rice wine it turned out. A big one.

I waited as patiently as I could manage until I heard her slurp down the last few drops. She then slammed the bottle down on to her desktop with a loud “BANG!”. Which caused everything else on the desk there to jump. Including me.

“BEEEeeeelllllcccchhhh!” she burped loudly, giving off a right nasty smell.

As she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her previously clean blouse, her eyes shifted over the top of her Granny glasses and focused on me. She didn’t say anything, she just stared at me for a long while. All the while breathing loudly in and out through her mouth.

“Ummmm,….hello?” I said finally. By that point, I was getting a bit nauseous at that reeking booze-breath of hers.

For a moment, and only a moment, I considered mentioning how bad it reeked.

That was when that last tiny bit of my remaining common sense, bestirred itself. It rose up out of the depths of my soul, and whispered into my ear; ‘No!’

For once, I paid attention to it. We remained that way, staring at each other for the better part of ten minutes. By that point, I was starting to get a little nervous.

Thankfully, she caved first.

Finally, she leaned back in her chair, covered her face with her hands, and then began to weep. After a few embarrassing seconds, I decided to reach out and pat her on the back or something.

That’ was when that tiny bit of common sense reached out to me. Then, it slapped me forcefully on the back of my mind.

I took the hint.

“What did I do to deserve you?!” she asked.

‘Are you asking me?’ I thought as I mentally looked over my shoulder to my common sense for guidance. It shook its head ‘no’ again. I kept silent.

“My career is over!” she growled forcefully. “Fuck you Allen Belushi! Fuck you Director! And Fuck You Lady Ma,…!” she began, but then she shut her mouth with a snap when she saw me.

I observed that she’d been crying so hard, that the normally sky-blue skin around her eyes, had ‘blued’ to the color of an aubergine.

“Do you have any idea?” she began as she picked up a stack of papers from her desk, “How much money you’ve cost me since your arrival?” she asked while waving that stack in my face.

I opened my mouth to reply.

“HIIIISSSS!” she replied fiercely. I shut my mouth. After a bit, she managed to compose herself. She took a calming breath and continued.

“I have just received an estimate from the Hazmat Company. It’s their bid for the cost of the Chow-Hall cleanup.” She growled.

“Would you care to take a stab on how much they’re quoting?” I opened my mouth to reply again. She interrupted.

“Nevermind!” she said, suddenly cheerful.

“I’ll go ahead and do it myself.” She smiled wickedly as she reached into a desk drawer and pulled out an ornate Tanto knife.

“Now,” she began as she rose from her chair and began approaching me, “Which one of your body parts should I remove for a down payment?” she giggled. I began to sweat bullets as I started backing away from her.

Alas, I didn’t get far, when I suddenly rediscovered that her door had been locked. It stoutly resisted my every attempt at egress.

I glanced over my shoulder and quailed when I saw that she’d come around her desk by then! Looking at me with blazing red eyes. Then, out of nowhere, she stopped and closed them. That Tanto dropped from her fingers and plopped softly onto the carpet. Then she spoke aloud.

“No, no, My pretty!” she said in a voice obviously not her own. “This is not how we solve our problems.” Her eyes sprang open and she blinked furiously for a second.

Looking around she seemed confused for a moment. Finally, she turned and sat herself down then looked at me. I noticed that her right eyelid kept twitching every now and again.

“What should I do with you?” she mused. I noticed then that she wasn’t looking directly at me that time. 

Following her line of sight, I noticed that she was either looking at her Graduate Degree from Texas State University, or at the picture of the T.S.U. Body Farm. I gulped.

Suddenly, I had an inspiration. It was crazy, but you know the drill; Nothing Ventured, Noting Gained.

“I may have an idea.” I prompted. As she turned her eyes to look at me, I could’ve sworn I heard them squeak.

“Yes?” She rumbled ominously.

“You could Cut and Run.”

“What?”

“Cut your losses and then run for it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever heard of the term: ‘Creative Bookkeeping’?” I said as I sat myself down on a corner of her desk. When I did, she raised her hand and produced the Tanto that I’d thought she’d dropped.

I got to my feet and backed off a step. She stayed silent as she lowered her Tanto once more.

‘Well I guess I’ve got her undivided attention.’ I concluded as I checked the floor for that dropped Tanto. There was no sign of it. I pressed on.

“This is what it is, a Method of finance that allows a person, or corporation, to show a gain, when everything points to them showing a loss.” I said. I knew she was intrigued when she raised an eyebrow.

“Ahem! Say for example. That Company ‘A’ sends a bunch of their product over to one of their field offices- ‘B’. But, there is a problem! B-office claims the shipment was lost in transit!’ I gestured.  Sarashina grunted and smiled a bit at the thought. No doubt thinking of me ‘getting lost’.

“At that point, the Company declares a loss. The insurance company pays a portion of the value of that loss to the Company. Inevitably the Company writes off the remainder on their taxes.” I gestured. Sarashina’s horns bobbed as she followed my movements.

“The Company then declares all of that income as a positive! Then awards the CEO a bonus for her creativity.  But here’s the key,” I grinned, “Since the product was never actually lost. It arrived late at the field office, and the Company sells it for a profit. Therefore, another positive and another round of bonuses.”

“But wouldn’t the insurance company want a refund?” Sarashina pointed out.

“Yeah they would,” I nodded, “If the Company told them about it.” I replied smugly.

“That sounds like something a Danuki would come up with.” She pursed her lips. “So what does all that have to do with you?” she asked, squinting fiercely at me.

“Obviously, I’ve worn out my welcome.” I said.  She tossed her head horns at me sarcastically and began to rise up from her chair.

“Isn’t there another branch of this operation up near Vermont?” I asked. She froze.

“You’re suggesting I send you there?” She growled, “After you arrived they’d blame me for pawning you off on them. You’d destroy what little is left of my reputation!” she shouted as she leaned over her desk at me.

If I arrived.” I shot back. She stood up and blinked a couple of times as she thought about it. Then, ever so slowly, a smile began to form on her face.

‘Gotcha!’ I thought.

She then sat down, leaned forward and planted her elbows onto her desk. She looked at me as she tapped the fingers on both hands together.

“I’m listening,” she said quietly.

“Yeah, just type up a transfer order for me. Be sure to include an Open-Return Rail Pass along with a few Meal-ticket options,” I said as I dared to lean myself onto her desk. She glared at me.

“I promise that you’ll neither see nor hear from me again.” I replied, then I noticed that she began fighting an urge to giggle. Then she stopped and looked at me.

“There’s one problem. I can’t let you go alone. If I did, there’d be too many questions from my immediate supervisors.” She sighed. “I’ll have to assign you an escort.”

“Whatever!” I waved my hand dismissively. “I think we both know that I can handle whomsoever you assign.” I smiled. She thought about it for a few seconds.

Then she gave me a broad smile. A warm one.

“Wait outside.” She said, then she began to cackle.

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A quarter hour later, I’m hoofing it down that long hallway that I originally nearly exited from. I had my transfer orders, Rail Pass, along with a large stack of meal tickets gripped in one hand.

Me? I was grinning like a Cheshire.

I’d stopped along the way to pick up a couple of mementoes and my clothing from my cell/room. I wanted to wish Larry a good-bye and good luck. As I’d not seen him since the Chow-Hall incident.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t any sign of him or his stuff. Apparently, he’d been Taken during my absence. I sighed wistfully and carried on.

Just as I approached the final set of doors, I slowed when I spied a familiar figure standing in front of them.

It was Deputy Doji, holding my backpack. I came to a stop just before her. When she smiled, mine evaporated.

‘Oh shit!’ I whined resignedly, crestfallen. She then handed me my backpack and I put it on resignedly.

Still smiling, she held up a cell phone and handed it to me. I took it and looked up at her in confusion.

“I don’t own a cellphone.” I said.

“I know. I want you to take some pictures of me.” She ordered. I blinked in confusion when she struck a rather evocative pose.

Silently I obeyed, once I fumbled the camera app on. Then she had me do it several times more as she slowly began to strip parts of her uniform off. All the while making lascivious smiles and kissy motions.

Finally, she stopped, and began to clothe herself. Not once did she say a word. Once she was all ‘good and proper’ in her uniform, she laid a hand on the exit door handle and gave it a shove. Opening it.

Sunlight streamed in and I could see the blessed open plains out there beyond; beckoning me to join them.

I tried to hand her the phone, but she waved me off.

“Keep it.” She said.

“What am I supposed to do with it?” I asked, thoroughly confused. She gave me a toothy grin as she held up a set of facility truck keys.

“You’ll figure it out eventually. Come on, time’s a wasting!” she stated affably as she walked out into the facility parking lot. I followed.

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We both kept silent during the entirety of the drive into town. Well for the most part we did.

She, on the other hand made the occasional rude gesture and catcall at the other idiot drivers. Me? I squeaked occasionally when we almost got into a collision; after she ran a red light, or nearly rear-ended someone when she tailgated too much or,…

You get the idea. She was a Highly-Offensive Driver. Then, she did hail from California.

Finally, we screeched to a stop in the Monster Girl City Train Station’s parking lot. She turned the vehicle off and leaned back into her seat. I didn’t move, as I had trouble getting my hands to release their grip on the upholstery.

Looking out, I could see the Station’s grand stone architecture that spoke of a bygone era. Across the street was a Four-Star Hotel chain common to the United States. I also noticed that they advertised hourly room rates.

She sighed, and looked at me.

“We’re here.” She said.

“Yeah, so we are. I guess we’d better get going.” I sighed, as I unlocked my seatbelt buckle.

“That’s a negative Ghost-Rider.” She said as she held a restraining hand over mine. I looked up at her and saw her give me a mischievous smile.

“Eh?” I asked, all debonair.

“What’s the rush?” she asked, still smiling as she unlocked her belt and got out of the truck. I followed suit.

Once outside, she stretched herself out and shook her arms around a bit to loosen them up. She then began walking to the hotel. I kept up; all the time wondering what in the hell was going on.

After we crossed the street, she came to a halt near the hotel’s entrance. I gave both it and her a nervous stare. She saw me looking and laughed.

“It occurs to me, that’s it’s been a long time since I’ve had a day-off.” She breathed out deeply and scratched her nose. She looked over at the hotel for a second, and then turned her attention back to me.

“I’m going to pay for both of our rooms.” She began. “What I’m planning on for now, is to get drunk, get laid, and kick some ass. But not necessarily in that order.” She grinned. I swallowed. She continued.

“What you go and do during my fun time. Is up to you.” She paused, “Can I trust you to keep your nose clean and not try to run away?” She asked, I opened my mouth to give her my word, but that was when she laid a finger on my mouth to stop me. I screwed up my face, as I looked back at her questioningly.

“Now, don’t be a bad boy. Because if you are, and I’m forced to track your ass down, I’ll be mighty upset. Or I will be, once I get done with my three-day pass.” She finished meaningfully. I goggled when I realized what she was offering.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled as she turned away and took ahold of the door to the lobby.

“Uh! Thanks Deputy Doji!” I called out. She stopped and looked at me for a second.

“That’s Shooten-Doji!” she replied as she turned away and entered the lobby. I stayed there a long minute and just stared at the door, awestruck.

I smiled and got my ass over to the train station lickety spit!

I never saw her again.

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Twenty-four hours later, I was stuffing my face at the Grand Junction Colorado Train station. I was awaiting the connecting train to Reno.

Oh my fucking Chief God! Words fail me about how delicious food with condiments was again. The kicker? I hadn’t had to use a single one of my meal tickets yet!

Why? Because on the train over, I happened to sit next to a widowed Manticore with a bad case of Empty-Nest. She noticed how skinny I was and proceeded to ply me with food at every turn.

Other than the occasional ear scratch, the only thing I had to do in return was ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over her pictures of her granddaughters. That wasn’t a problem, as they were easy on the eyes.

No, no ‘head-pats’. Some things are just too intimate.

Eventually we parted ways and I promised to send her a letter once I got to my destination. I sighed inwardly when I told her that lie.

Just as I was finishing my food. I decided to go clean up in the restroom, when I hear: “Allen?” I turn my head, and I was shocked to see the source of that voice.

It was Larry, my ex-roomie. Or, that is to say the now “Mr. Ilse Grim-Koch.”

Yep, standing next to Larry and holding the leash attached to his collar was none other than Ilse Grim-Koch. She smiled fondly down at him as he sat on the floor next to her. He looked startled when he remembered that he’d spoken without permission. He looked apologetically up at his newfound mistress.

“That’s all right. I forgive you this time my pet.’ She replied indulgently, patting him on his head. “You have my permission to speak with your friend.”

“Thank you, Mistress.” He replied gratefully, and as he turned to speak to me. I had to force my last meal back down my throat.

“What are you doing here Allen?” he asked.

“Ummm, I being transferred to another facility. I think you can guess why.” I replied, as I looked meaningfully at his better half.

For some reason she didn’t seem the least bit annoyed. Instead, she beamed back at me. I blinked and turned my attention back to Larry.

“Where’s your escort?” He asked, looking around.

“Uh, she’s in the loo, powdering her nose.” I replied, and then I distracted him.

“What happened Larry?” I asked, indicating the two of them. He smiled and explained.

“After your ,…uhhh,….indiscretion,” he began, “My beloved and I ended up in the same restroom. I saw how much in distress she was, so I assisted her clean up. She was very impressed! Both with my attention to her needs, and unspoken orders. What can I say? We hit if off!” he dreamily, as he gazed adoringly up at her.

“Awwww!” I said then to suppress my gagging, *cough*! “I guess it’s true!” I paused, choking.

“There really is someone out there for everyone!” I replied, all teary eyed, as I forced my lips together. Then tried to swallow what had appeared in my mouth. It burned fiercely on its way back down.

“Come along my pet.” Lady Ilse said commandingly, “We have such sights to show you!” she purred in her best Cenobite voice. I just waved them both a cheerful good bye as they departed, he on all fours, she on his back.

Right then, part of me was overjoyed for Larry and his newfound Happiness! Another, greater part of me wanted to Hurl.

I think you can guess which part won out.

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I leaned back from my self-appointed task of paying homage to the porcelain god. As I wiped my mouth with my wrist. I stared down at the remains of that previously delicious meal for a second. Then I reached up and flushed the toilet. I felt the coolness of the air generated by the bowl water’s swirling.

‘That was definitely better going down.’ I remarked, as I moved my tongue around the inside of my mouth.

Smacking my lips, I then got up and went over to the sink, to clean up and get the taste out of my mouth. As I started washing, I heard the restroom door behind me open.

Looking up, I spied a beefy looking Dude saunter in. We made eye contact in the mirror for a second and he just nodded a friendly hello. I returned my attention to my task.

I heard him step over to the urinals. Then I heard a zipping sound, followed by the sound of him pissing.

After a bit, I got done with my chore. I turned around to grab a paper towel, and then stopped at the sight of what lay before me.

I-shit-you-not! The Dude was standing a good two feet away from the urinal, holding what appeared to be a large sausage in one hand, pointed to the porcelain!

I was spellbound at the sight of the size of his manhood. After a second, he glanced over his shoulder and noticed my attention. He just gave a small laugh. It shook me out of my fugue.

“Uh sorry dude!” I apologized, “I’m not gay or anything.” I added hurriedly.

“No problem pal!” he replied, still smiling. “You’re not the first human, who’s had that reaction. I’ve gotten that a lot since I was Taken.” He grinned.

“Wait! What?” I said. Then it dawned on me. “You’re an incubus.” I asked.

“What was your first clue?” He chuckled meaningfully as he finished his piss. Then he tapped his dick onto the side of the urinal a couple of times. ‘clunk-clunk’ it sounded dully.

He then went over to the sink and started washing his hands.

“Uhhh, do you mind if I ask you a question?” I stammered, curious. He just smiled again as he looked into the mirror.

“What’s it like?” he asked for me. I nodded.

“Well, let me put it to you this way.” He finished washing and grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands.

“Did you have a particular female in mind when you were jacking off as a teenager?” he asked, leaning against a wall.

“Lady Gaga.” I nodded. He smiled.

“Kathy Ireland for me.” He replied. I gawped. ‘Damn you’re old! But you look like you’re younger than I am!’

“Do you remember the first time you got laid? Was it good?” he asked.

“Yeah it was. Sorta like,…magic!” I smiled at the thought, reminiscing.  He smiled back.

“Now, can you imagine what that ‘first-time’ would’ve been like, if you had had the chance to do it with Lady Gaga instead?” I thought about it.

“Yeah,…” I gasped, as I pondered, “Fuck!” I finished. He nodded and grinned again.

“THAT!” he began, “Is like it is for me, every single time!” he whispered. My eyes went round.

“Every time?” I croaked. He nodded.

“Scout’s Honor.” He replied, holding up the middle three fingers of his right hand.

“DAMN!” I sighed.

‘So this is what I’ve been missing out on all this time!’ I wondered.

“Now would you mind answering me a question?” He asked. I nodded.

“How is it that a lone human male like you, can travel around without being Taken?” he asked me honestly. That question of his reminded me of a problem that I’d forgotten to take into account.

No escort, no protection from Mamono. As luck would have it, I had a major hurdle to overcome. It would be a full moon soon, and I still had several days to go.

I remembered that during my journey here, even with that old Manticore nearby, more than a few Mamono clearly wanted to strike up a conversation. Hell! Even in the station’s food court, I couldn’t start my meal without one of them introducing herself.

Luckily, I had come up with a plan. The only difficulty was, finding a willing donor.

“Yeah, about that!” I replied, as I reached up and put an affable hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at me expectantly, and I then used my Mojo once more.

This time as a ‘Vulcan Nerve Pinch’.

He looked startled for a second as it hit him, but then his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he collapsed. I then tried to lower him gently to the ground.

But damn! He turned out to be as heavy as a brick shit house! Still, I did get him to the floor without getting myself pinned underneath.

“Sorry pal.” I apologized, “But you’ve got something I need.” I said as I got to work.

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Fact! Every Mamono has the abilty to ‘sniff out’ a guy’s marital status. That’s why, for the most part, they tend to avoid a dude who’s been banging a woman. Even if she’s human.  Well, for the most part, but that’s another story.

I deduced a while back that sex with a Mamono, somehow puts her claim marker onto the dude that’s banging her. What I did in that restroom, was sort of,  ‘borrow’, a portion of that marker from that nice incubus’ aura. I chose that route, since that scent-marker wasn’t sold in a deodorant bottle.

It only took a few minutes. Nothing kinky.

But as I got done, I realized that I had a dilemma. I had to infuse that marker onto something. I noticed then that he was wearing a number of studded black leather bracelets. So, I infused that marker portion into one of them, and then put it on. I didn’t feel any different.

As an afterthought, I pulled out a couple of twenties from my facility-pay and stuffed them into a pocket of his. I then stood up and prepared to exit.

‘Here’s hoping this works!’ I thought as I squared my shoulders, and then exited.

Once outside, I noticed that there was a blonde centaur nearby who noticed my exit. She stared at me confusedly for a second. Then she shook herself and turned to talk to the Harpy next to her.

“Odd.” I heard her say, “Just for a second, I thought that was Chris coming out.” She whinnied, puzzled.

“He has been in there a long time.” The redheaded Harpy said. “Maybe we should send in a search party.” She suggested with a smile.

“Nay!” the Centaur replied, “You know how he is on long trips. He just needs ‘some space’ to himself.” She smiled. They then both laughed in unison.

I smiled and moved on, reassured. Then came the next test. I walked over to my connecting gate and just stood there. Alone.

After waiting for several minutes, I noticed that not one Mamono had decided to flirt with me. Looking around, I noticed that yes occasionally one or two would look at me curiously. Then they’d look away, and go about their business.

“Oh thank goodness!” I sighed quietly, heavily relieved. Then I sat down to wait for the connecting train in peace. As I did, my eyes strayed over to the Food Court. That’s when I sucked in my breath and tensed up.

Over there, at the spot where I’d last eaten my now regurgitated meal, was Angelique! It had to be her! There was no mistaking that tortoiseshell pattern!

“Fuck!” I mouthed silently. ‘What the fuck is she doing here? How did she track me down?’ I wondered, suddenly afraid.  As I focused my attention on her, I noticed that she was bobbing her head up and down, almost as if she were….?

‘Tracking my scent!’ I realized. That was one determined pussy! She started sniffing towards the restroom door. I took note of the fact that I had 20 minutes before my train would leave. Which would plenty of time for her to track me down.

I had to act fast! Luckily, I had an inspiration. The Gods below must have been smiling on me that day. While I was trying to come up with a plan, I noticed some baggage handlers cleaning up a busted open piece of luggage.

The distinctive aroma of a Raiju’s shocking unmentionables flowed through the air. I took note of the number of aromatic crotch-less asbestos-panties that had spilled all over the platform. Then it hit me!

‘Put my scent on my underwear!’ I realized.

Long story short- I used the last bits of that day’s Mojo, and infused my scent onto my remaining underwear.

Carefully, I snuck around and managed to ‘secrete them’ aboard several of the other trains there, a couple in the lockers, and one in the Men’s rest room.

As the final boarding call for my train was announced, I noticed that Angelique was nowhere in sight.

‘Yay!’ I thought nervously. Yet I remained vigilant. As the train accelerated out of the station, I got a sense of urgency and peered back.

Sure enough, there was Angelique! Running to catch up!  My heart quailed for a bit when I noticed that she seemed to be succeeding. Then suddenly, she tumbled, and didn’t get up.

‘Good luck Angelique! I hope you’re not too terribly hurt!’ I thought. Then I dismissed her from my mind.

I tried to at least.  As the miles passed, I had to resist the urge to somehow find a way to go back and apologize to her. It was weird; it was almost as I had a connection with her. Now that she wasn’t around anymore, there seemed to be an Angelique-sized hole in my soul.

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