Child of the Australs: A Kobold named Blue (1)

(A CYOA I ran some time back on 8chan’s /monster/ board. Someone mentioned how much they enjoyed re-reading it recently and how it added detail to the Paxian era of my persistent universe. So, figured I’d clean it up a bit and post it as a story in its own right.)

You are Adam Gibson, a young man in his twentieth year. Today is the day you are marked as a Man and a Citizen. Your Father is a minor Landholder, having sworn an oath of fealty to a Baron. Your mother is officially unknown, as you are, like all humans, the product of the ritual human copulation known as the Rite of Continuance, and were raised to a teen within the communal nursery/school known as the Abbey of Blessed Innocence. You are the third son acknowledged by your household. Though you may remain here, it will be as little more than a simple labourer unless both of your elder brothers die. In other lands, you would be pledged to the Faith Militant, but here in the Australs, the punishing, dangerous island in the world’s southern hemisphere, known millennia ago as ‘Australia’, the sparse population offers you a greater chance for advancement and fortune.

Paladin Reintegration Programme

-One of my older stories, edited with the same level of care and attention of a Kubo Tite background and aged like fine milk, this truly will count as something you’ve read today-

Times were hard for the humble Paladin. The Demon Lord had won, and monstergirls were now accepted throughout the kingdom. A Paladin no longer had any place in a world where men now freely slept with these monstrous women. But the new government was determined to retrain these poor men, and reintegrate them into decent society. No matter what the cost.

“How many more times are you going to get sent here this week!?”

You bravely faced your foe, a mighty dragon. But you had battled this monstrosity many a time before, and were not afraid. You were Sir Alfred Yaleton, noble Paladin and servant of our most wondrous Chief Goddess. Compared to her love this demon was but a helpless child. By the end of the day many a tale would be told about your heroic vanquishing of Kathy from Human Resources.

“You kneed Heather in the face! All she did was offer you a titfuck!” The dragon snarled. The evil beast was correct, you had indeed battled with the foul Holstaurus from accounting, and tasted sweet victory before your nemesis had summoned you into her dark lair. “You might have given her concussion, you fuckwit!” Smoke billowed from her mouth as she glowered down at you. Her room had been made fireproof due to health and safety concerns, the concerns being that she might burn down this building like the last two she was stationed at.

How such a mighty warrior had fallen, not long ago you were a legend, a protector of the innocent. Songs were sung of your great deeds by the finest bards of the land, and Tom Jones. But now you simply toiled away in an office surrounded by the repugnant beasts who you once fought bitterly against.

“Ara ara! Alfie’s been a naughty boy!” cooed an Arachne hanging from the ceiling. You didn’t know what kind of incantation “ara ara” was, but you thought it best to assume she was attempting to curse you. You reached for your holy shield to protect yourself, only to remember it was confiscated last week, when you hit that Lizardwoman in the head with it for slapping your ass.

The Cure-All

-Anon goes to the doctors to cure his sleeplessness and finds he needn’t have bothered-

You hurriedly flip over the pages looking at the other questions Nadia is likely to ask you as the Lich rapidly glides over towards you.

‘Sensitivity to touch:’

‘Level of arousal before experiment:’

‘level of arousal after experiment:’

“Are you sure you’re a fully qualified doctor?” You ask as the nervousness in your voice begins to show.

The clipboard is snatched from your hands by a powerful yet invisible force and gently comes to a halt in the doctor’s hand. You notice she is holding a small vial containing a faintly glowing purple liquid. It’s actually quite pretty really, the same colour as her eyes. Like hell you’re drinking that, though.

“I assure you I am the most respected necromancer in my realm.” The Lich unhelpfully replies.

You stare at the bottle in her extended hand, eyeing the contents nervously. “Uh… what is it?”

“Just drink it. Doctor’s orders.”

Frankly, it looks poisonous. You know you’re not meant to swallow something if it’s glowing or the result of a dead person’s mad experiments. “But-”

Dr. Nadia presses the vial into your hand almost impatiently. “Do you want to cure your sleeplessness or not?”

Maritime Logbook on the HMS Kraken

‘How do you speak under the water, then?’ you asked.

The mermaid took a coconut shell of water on the deck, one among the spare you kept. She raised it to her lips, and dipped her mouth in it. Bubbles rose to the surface, and a sweet, musical note rose from each one as it pops.

‘Our main method of communication is actually singing,’ she explained. ‘So even for short conversations, we compose a song and let it fly.’

You chuckled. Sounded like a strange way of communicating.

‘Oh, come on,’ the mermaid said as she saw you grinning. ‘It’s not like we do it for every little thing, even a one-line request, but it’s as normal to us as a humans tendency to chatter.’

‘Fair enough,’ you responded, perhaps a bit disbelievingly.