Wormhole Ch.3 (Old Version)

Author’s Note:

Sorry there hasn’t been a ton of monster girl action at this point.  But trust me, I have a lot of stuff planned, some of which is coming up soon.   Feel free to comment.

Enjoy.

 

 

Ow. Now I know what a tossed pizza dough feels like.

All things considered, I was still holding up pretty good. I managed to duck and dodge about half of his shots and counter with my own. And I had got some pretty clear shots in here and there. Although with a guy his size, I think I hurt my hands more than I hurt him but hey Washington didn’t beat that tree with one swing. If I was able to keep swinging and avoid him throwing me around like a rag doll, I might have half a chance.

As I nailed a few more shots into his stomach, he caught me with a blow to the head that grounded me. Luckily for me, he didn’t seem very sure-footed, since a sharp kick to the knee was all it took to bring him down to my level.

As he dropped, I quickly got up and gave him a stiff knee to the head. Dammit he didn’t fall over, so I tried another one which he caught with his big meaty hands. Up above his head I went, just before I was sent sailing into a nearby computer terminal, shattering it with sparks and all. I hoped that wasn’t something useful. I felt that my armor was a great asset. If it wasn’t for that, I would have been worse for wear. But my back and my left shoulder would probably give a “fuck you” to that little theory.

My thoughts were interrupted as the big ox managed to catch me off guard and gripped me by the throat. He lifted me into the air and threw me crashing through a large crate a good ten feet away. I smashed through face first. Ouch.

As I pulled myself out of the crate and checked my tooth count, I found my aching head suddenly viced in his hands. Instantly, I felt the pressure building up quickly. I figured he was either going to crush my head or drill his fingers into my eyes. But I didn’t want to place a bet and find out. I needed to break his grip before my brain got a new air hole.

His arms were too strong to break off. So my only defense was to drop quickly while pulling him with me and flip him over. My plan worked as he toppled over my head onto his back. I didn’t even wait for my vision to completely come back before I was on his back with a choke hold. I’ve always considered myself decently strong, but compared to him I might as well have been Macaulay Culkin. I really wish I had a paint can on a string right now.

He still stood up pretty easily but I wasn’t about to let go. He began piggy-backing me around, only stopping went he would sandwich me against something hard. Yes I heard you cry out in pain the first time, spine. We started heading toward the broken terminal at high speed. I may have taken several blows to the head, but I could still predict was he was thinking. So I played along; right up until the last moment before dropping off toward his feet and tripped him, sending him smashing straight into his target, minus myself of course. Time for his back to start screaming. But I didn’t have time to waste. I needed to get my guns. I mean, even Culkin needed a BB gun to fight back.

I raced up the hill as fast as my noodle legs could carry me, given my state. I could hear him coming up behind me, but I was almost there. Just a few more feet. I opted for a dive toward the closest gun and rolled once I hit the ground on my weapon. As I turned I caught a glimpse of his enraged face diving after me. In a split second I fired without aiming, followed by his large body slamming into me. As I laid buried, I expected him to continue with a strangle hold or a series of punches, but nothing came. I dug myself out and saw that my shot was well placed; right in the left eye to be exact. Talk about laser surgery.

I looked over to the other Skarlik who was still sitting against the wall. He hadn’t moved and wasn’t even breathing. Yep, he definitely bled out. Good thing too because I collapsed to the ground and passed out. I was the victor but I felt like I placed last.

I’m not sure how long I was unconscious, but when I did come to, I pulled myself up to my feet and started back toward my horse. I wasn’t in the state of mind, or body, to go looting. Instead I wanted to get back to Vallick. I tried to figure out my next move, but too many thoughts batted around inside my head as I rode back; none of them optimistic.

——————————————————————————————————–

As I arrived in Vallick, and road up to the horse trough. I jumped off my horse and proceeded to dunk my head in and take a mouthful. I didn’t give a shit if I was getting strange stares. Stranger than usual I mean. I whipped my head out of the water. “Not good enough” I thought to myself. I turned and headed toward the tavern down the street. I figured a stronger drink might sort out all the shit thoughts I created in my head. Or just knock me out like Rip Van Wrinkle and wake up in a better place and time.

I nearly fell through the tavern doors as I entered. Usually it’s like that on the way out but tough days, right? I sat down at the bar where the Girtablilu bartender promptly attended me while cleaning a fairly large bear stein.

“Well hello, Jason. You look a little… limp.” she said in her usual flirtatious tone that she used whenever I happen to come in.

“Hey, Lucette” I said with a surprising amount of stability given my battered state.

“Just fill up that mug with whatever you recommend for a shit day at the salt mine”.

“Recommend? How about my personal ‘Desert Heat Special’? That should help me straighten out your ego” she said with emphasis on the “straighten” part. Gotta love a Viagra and rape innuendo from a bartender. But at this point I brushed it off and agreed. I was only in it for the alcohol, her little love juice would just go right through me.

She came back with the mug and a large smile on her face. I quickly downed the whole thing in one go. “I needed that” I said while catching my breath. “Give me another”. She hesitated but complied with my request. Probably seeing as how I wasn’t sweating or tenting in my pants with more wood than the bar room floor, she would probably add more of her venom this time. A few moments later, she returned with another shot. She rinsed, and I repeated. She stood in front of me without the large smile she sported so proudly earlier. I caught her staring at my pants waiting for the soldier to salute her.

But my little “condition” kept the little soldier AWOL. If I wasn’t so preoccupied with my thoughts, I would have enjoyed her befuddled expression more than a Holstaur having the baby fat pumped out of her jugs.

Feeling like I needed more alcohol, I requested to purchase the bottle of brandy sitting behind her. With a slacked jaw and a brain full of questions, she handed me the bottle. I left with my new medicine, minus a silver coin of course. “By the way, next time stir the drink. Most of the poison was on the bottom” I said as I departed. Yet another photo-worthy expression.

As I walked out the door and down the street, I was stopped by a familiar voice behind me.

“Hello again, fellow weirdo. Who’s your new friend there?” It was the little scholar from earlier, looking just as cheerful as when I first met her.

“A problem-solver” I said as I tried to keep walking, only for her to follow alongside me.

“Wait. Where’re you going?”

“I just want to go back to my hotel room”

“And that’s to help you drink away your problem?”

“No it’s a Molotov. Of course it’s to get drunk” I said slightly aggressively.

“People either drink because they have a problem or they want a problem. And you seem like too much of a loner to want more trouble than you clearly already have. Why don’t you tell me all about your troubles? It could be therapeutic for you and fun for me”.

Gee, she may just have a chance at being a regular Nancy Drew. Not wanting to argue, I agreed and we stopped at a bench on the side of the road. Oh well I did prefer talking to her over anyone else. She’s kind of weird, but in this world, weird is kind of a relief. And besides, she was a good listener. What have I got to lose? Just a chance to pass out in the horse trough instead of a bed.

We sat on a bench nearby as I quietly downed some of the brandy. She, on the other hand, had other ideas.

“Well come on. Spill it” she demanded. I tipped the bottle a bit and moistened her shoe. “Not that way, you slop artist! Tell me what’s on your mind” she said more anxious for answers than the cleanliness of her footwear.

“What’s to say? Bad day at the office.”

“Office?” she asked with a genuinely interested tone.

“Forget it, Borat. It’s simple, I fucked up. Well, more than I realized. But nothing too severe. Just death, destruction, carnage, and whatever other fun this ‘masquerade of prosperity’ called life has left in its flush-hole”. Clearly this was some good brandy.
Even though she kept up her smile, she seemed taken aback, almost like she was trying to contain herself. If she found this fun, then wait until I get into my good material. After closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she returned with an even wider smile.

“May I ask what kind of tribulation led you to this conclusion?” she asked.

“That’s my business, friendo”.

“Call me Veina” she said with an awkward click of her heels.

“Okay. That’s my business, Veina. Why do you care so much about me? In one day you’ve given me more questions than David Letterman. What are you looking to get out of me?”

She snickered cheekily. “Just trying to help. Besides I enjoy your company”.

“You just met me today, woman”.

“Well you leave quite the impression” she said with a chuckle.

“Call it another weakness” I said as I took another swig of brandy.

“It may be a weakness, but I can tell you’re not stupid. In fact I’d say you’re a man who can think on his feet. Someone with excellent problem solving skills”.

“Flattery detected”.

“That may be, but it’s no less true. Sure it’s obvious that trouble would find someone like you, but doesn’t everyone have problems?”

“Not like my problems”.

“Sure everyone’s problems are unique to each individual. Who’s problem isn’t ‘unique’?”

“Condescension detected”.

“Incorrect, good sir!” she said with an accent. “That was a Mist Continent accent, just so you know”. Great now I can sleep tonight.

“Anyway, my point is that your problem is your problem. And you’re better equipped than anyone else to handle this problem, whatever it is”.

“You don’t even know it”.

“That’s beside the point”.

“How is that beside the point!” I said beginning to lose my patience.

“Because you created it yourself. And you keep it to yourself. A problem for a problem”.

I stared as blankly as the Slenderman. If she became a scholar, I would kill to hear one of her lectures on quantum theory.

“So you know it better than anyone else, duh” she said after noticing the stupidity flowing out of my face. “If you don’t tell anyone what the problem is, then that leaves only you to solve it. Or fail at it. Either one”.

Blatant yet condescending. I could’ve respected than. Just not right now. Her methods are less Independence Day speech and more “van down by the river” speech. I mean, I’d already wanted to throw her through a table.

“Look it’s good to know that your subscription to ‘Stiff Jabs with Dr. Phil’ paid off but it’s easier to preach than practice”.

“That may be true, but one thing that we all share is our own responsibility for fixing our own problems. If we do it alone, that’s optional but not necessarily the best course of action. Sure we aren’t always the cause of them but that makes no difference. If we are the cause of them, then it’s even more important to tackle them head on. Who knows? Maybe something good can come out of confronting and fixing these problems”. And just like that, she’s back to a more serious tone. Maybe bipolar is a prerequisite for scholars here.

As she continued talking, I zoned out. She may have been goofy, but there was truth in what she said, and I hated to admit it. And honestly, I already knew what I had to do. I was hoping that the alcohol could change my mind, but to no avail. I knew lots of guys in my time that could avoid all life’s problems with the Three Stooges; Bud Light, Budweiser, and Jagermeister. I, on the other hand, prefer the Marx Brothers. Handle crazy shit with your own crazy shit. Either way, if one portal opened and brought some of those Skarlik motherfuckers, then another portal wasn’t too far off. I knew what would happen if they were able to spread across this dimension. Shit, well if no other person will bring themselves to take on a possibly endless number of tougher beings all on their own then I guess a hero should do it. But that hero’s on another network folks, so I guess this jackass will have to don the cape and tights. Maybe I could get some badass theme music with it.

My situation sucked already, so it’s not like I had anything better to do. Ultimately, this was my problem and I needed to handle it myself. Time to un-fuck what I fucked up. This world had enough shit, it didn’t need to get any worse for the common folk. And I had just the tools to do. At least style and finesse wasn’t required for the job.

After my strange interlude, I returned to reality. While I was zoned out, Veina somehow got onto the subject of a Centaur and a Wyvern opening a factory of pies made from Order armor. I think my interlude was more sober.

“You got a stash under your coat? If so, give me some. I won’t report it to the L.A.P.D.” I said without as much sarcasm as you would think. I could use a good joint right now.

“Oh a dreamer, huh? Tell what other dreams do you have?” she said with that smile returning to her face.

Man it never ends with this bimbo. But at least I look a little more normal by comparison. We chatted for a little longer about our “dreams”. Figures, she found my dream of jumping the flag pole in Super Mario Brothers as “inspiring”. She dreamed of a future where she could force everyone into a line and give individual lectures to each of them for the rest of her days and beyond. My words. But sure enough, I grew tired of our little Disney exchange and got up to leave. Thankfully, she didn’t look ready to follow me.

“You gonna finish that drink in one night?” she asked with a hint of concern.

“Sure. Why not?” I mean, John McClain proved that a if you’re going to tackle your problems, you might as well have a hangover while you’re at it.

“Maybe you just need to get laid. I’m sure you noticed that these mamano are perfect for such a deed”.

“Yeah, a little T n’ A wouldn’t hurt, but I’m taking option A of handling this alone. Since a ‘one night stand’ don’t seem to exist for mamano, I figure it’s best not to complicate things even more”.

I may have been a little drunk, but that part of my brain was still on duty. And the biggest thing on my mind was her bizzaro Uncle Ben advice about problems and responsibility. Though I probably would’ve come to that conclusion on my own, but I could have had a good night of alcohol and self loathing before it did come to me. She just put the stamp on it. Sure her motivational skills had some screws missing, but at the end of the day, she could still drive someone.

“Maybe you ought to get laid” I said. “You know by one of those Nutty Professor types with a fetish for Ronald McDonald on a merry go round”.

“Eventually” was all she said kinda quietly and mischievously. Funny, I expected her to come back with the tale of the Fairy Rhino Godmother or something. But whatever.

After I left Veina, I headed back to the hotel, fully intent on to crashing onto my bed. I guessed one more good night’s sleep would be great. Because I knew I wasn’t going to get another one for a long time. In retrospect, I was right in more ways than one.

——————————————————————————————————–

A strange feeling came over me as I walking into the hotel lobby, and it wasn’t the alcohol that I just finished. I couldn’t label it but it was a feeling that something was off. Like I was being watched. There was also a light violet haze making the whole lobby somewhat obscured.

Just then I heard a squeal to my right so I glanced over. There was an Arachne and a guy reenacting the kiss from Spiderman; only he was strung up spread-Eagle and naked from the ceiling with the Spiderwoman caressing his goods and kissing his upside down lips.

I looked to my right to another sight. A Medusa had another guy wrapped up in her serpentine body with both of them lustfully rolling along the floor towards me. I didn’t have time to move as I tumbled over the two and onto the floor. I regrouped and watched as both circus acts sent groans of pleasure throughout the lobby. Better get the Kikimoras on cleanup duty.

Then I remembered Tifa’s “party” as she called it. In my experience, these kinds of “parties” usually devolved into a lot of drinking and and a lot of drugs. And I was sure this purple haze wasn’t there to make the anniversary party extra sentimental. If my deduction skills were worth a damn, I’d say this party took a sharp turn onto Orgy Blvd. Fucking great.

It was then that I remembered Tifa, and how she had her sights set on me. Not only my man juice but my O-positive juice as well. Dammit, I wasn’t in the mood for this, tonight.

I jumped back over the serpent steamroller and back out the door. I had planned ahead and left a rope outside my window so I could sneak in later without Tifa seeing me.  I had forgotten thanks to the booze. Good thing she wasn’t in the lobby when I stupidly entered.

I climbed through my window as quietly as I could. To improve my stealth, I took off my armor and guns and temporarily left them outside the window. There was no way I was going to stay here tonight, but I wanted to get my money and some equipment out of there. Better for them to be safe than sorry.

While loading everything into a bag, I heard someone moving around in my bed behind me. Before I could make a break for the window, the stranger jumped on top of me with something soft pressing into my face. Struggling to move, I could hear heavy breathing and then I felt a hand begin to caress my groin gently but effectively. The softness smothering my face quickly receded only to have my pants yanked off, leaving me in nothing but my briefs.

I scrambled to get up, but my assailant pounced onto me again, followed by the same softness enveloping my face and grip my head. But enough was enough. I rolled my opponent to the side only to have their legs try to cling to my waist.

Managing to break their grip on my head, I jumped up and ran out the door into the hallway, slamming the door behind me.

“Alright Tifa! I know it’s you!” I yelled though the door as I held it closed. “Calm the fuck down!” Shit I really, REALLY, didn’t need this right now.

I felt a hard thud against the door, almost hard enough to throw me off of it. I may have been pretty strong but against a mamano, I might as well have been a thirteen year old.

“J-Jason…” I heard Tifa’s voice leak through the door. “Just one round and a little taste! That’s all I want! Is that wrong!?” she cried while banging on the other side.

“Yeah, well who brought the drugs, huh? I’d say that’s wrong?” I yelled back.

“What drugs? It’s love, Jason. And love leads… to… lust” she said, slurring out the last words.

“Yeah well this purple smoke isn’t from Barney’s nicotine addiction! It’s making you go nuts!”

“NUTS!” she yelled back, obviously triggered by the misinterpreted word.
The door flew open in a flash. Without any hesitation, I turned the force from the door into a dash down the hall. I didn’t need to turn around to know that Tifa was in hot pursuit.

I quickly ducked into a room at the end of the hall. Instinctively, I knocked over a nearby wooden cabinet to block Tifa’s entrance. Looking around I appeared to be in a type of small dining room. Only the dishes and tablecloth laid on the ground next the the table in the center of the room. In their place laid a Dullahan and a Mummy, twisted together with their hands toward the other’s crotch. That wasn’t a wrestling match, folks.

“Oh don’t mind me. Just continue on with your little pay-per-view” I said, clearly out of place in this scenario.

Just then, Tifa busted through the downed cabinet. I quickly grabbed a fallen chair, wishing I had my guns on me.

“Now look, Tifa.  Get a grip!” I yelled as I raised the chair into a defensive position.

“If you stand still, I will!” she yelled back at me. I could finally see her clearly. She was very flushed in the face. Her red eyes dripped with desire and drool was running through her twisted grin. Her cape was missing and the rest of her wardrobe looked disheveled and disorganized. So much for class.

“Forget it. I’m not a pork chop ya carnivore” I hissed as I began to circle the table toward the door on the other side.

“Oh, it’s too late now, Jason. I’ve been waiting to taste your blood since the moment you walked into my hotel. Your blood smells… so sweet”. Strange, I thought my blood would be sour if anything. “And then we’ll move on to the fun part. Some sexy time, together”

I just about inched my way to the door when the other two chicks jumped off the table and interjected themselves into our scene.

“A real man!” cried the Mummy.

“Yes. We don’t have to pretend anymore!” the Dullahan chimed in. Considering how all the guys in the hotel were either with their wives or already snagged, I figured these two had to make do with each other. Great. Besides a Vampire, now I had a Mummy and a Death messenger targeting me. What I wouldn’t give for a chain whip and a flying cross right now.

Bad to worse. Terrific.

Before the three could close in on me, I ran out of the room and down the hall before, again, ducking into another room. This time I locked it behind me, not that it would hold for long.

This time I was in a bedroom with an Ushi Oni flattening some poor sap on a bed that appeared to have broken recently. With an Ushi Oni, I couldn’t be sure if the dude was still even conscious. Nevertheless, the Ushi Oni kept lustfully pounding away at him without even acknowledging my presence. Tifa and her Tifettes were pounding at the door like the Ushi Oni on the guy. Shit, no way out, not even a window.

Soon enough, in through the door they came, and me trapped like a mouse.

I ran behind the big Ushi Oni to use as a shield and thus the circle of strife began without the big ass spider even caring. I just wanted a clear shot toward the door but no chance. With three on one, it didn’t take long for them to surround me. Tifa charged from the left, the Dullahan and Mummy charged from the right, and me right in the middle. *Bam* they collided with me all at once.

Instantly I was being groped by six hands; feeling more than just my bathing suit area. Their entire bodies hugged mine so tight that I could barely move. While restraining, my predicament didn’t feel unpleasant, physically. Their bodies were warm and perfectly padded in all the best areas. But I couldn’t have expected less from a mamano.

“My, such strong essence” the Dullahan purred.

“Good cheek bones, too” the Mummy chimed in.

“Nowhere to run, Jason. Time to feed us” Tifa said, clearly taking the lead in this little lynch mob. I was stuck. I had no chance of prying them off of me. I could barely handle one mamano, let alone three. I was fucked. Or about to be.

However, Lady Luck finally cut me some slack. The Ushi Oni shifted on the bed sending, her huge ass abdomen ramming into us. The force was so strong it send all four of us through the wall and crashing down the stairs into the lobby. Thin walls, huh? All the easier to listen in on some action.

We laid at the bottom of the stairs in a tangled mess of limbs and moans. I fared the best of us four, mainly because of the warm, monster mattress surrounding me. They covered me dazed and bruised. But that wasn’t going to last too long. I needed to escape and fast.

I dug myself out of the knotty mess and dragged my way toward the door. In my escape, I noticed the Medusa from earlier was still wrapped around her lover. Her eyes were glowing as she turned parts of him to stone. Hmm.

Behind me, I heard Tifa and the other two picking themselves up. “Jason! Let’s stop this nonsense and get to it already!” Tifa yelled at me as she and the others started to advance.

Fuck it, I’m going to make lemonade with these lemons life has given me.

I dived toward the Medusa as fast as I could, grabbed a handful of snake hair, and turned her head toward the monster squad.

The three of them turned to stone statues faster than you could say “Liberty”. I may have not got my chain whip and cross but a Medusa head would did the trick. Give me my glowing Castlevania orb. I did know that it wasn’t lethal. Medusa magic could be undone, provided that she sobered up first. They would be fine.

“Fucking finally!” I cried out with a sense of relief coming over me. I felt pretty damn lucky and good about myself for my little improvisation. That is until the Medusa’s snakes started biting my hand. Yeah, I forgot about that.

With the rest of my antagonists’ night carved in stone, I retrieved my bag and, more importantly, my pants from upstairs and got out of there before another sexual predator decided to try and eat me.

Not feeling like putting up with any more mamono, I decided to crash in my cave headquarters for the rest of the night, although not before vomiting outside on the hotel steps. Shit, that was some good brandy, too.

At least I remembered to take a few pillows and blankets with me. It still wasn’t going to be very comfortable in my cave but I would have slept in Dracula’s castle over Tifa’s hotel.

Hell of a night. And party.

——————————————————————————————————–

In the morning, my body felt like I’d slept in a cement mixer loaded with bricks, and don’t get me started on my head. With a slow crawl out of my makeshift bed, I stood up. Nope, no use fighting it. Even with my hangover, dilapidated body, and the events of the previous night, I unfortunately still had a bad case of responsibility nesting in my head. If these portals were going to keep opening, I couldn’t ignore them. Goddamn conscious.

I loaded up my two guns, got into my cart, and set out to the portal site. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do once I got there, but it hardly mattered. Sure, I may have been beat to hell, but I wasn’t going to postpone this public service cleanup.

Live long and prosper, right?

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