Weird, Sexy Science

“Doc, you have a phone call!”

Silence answered the Kikimora’s shout, and she sighed, getting up from her tidy desk to wander back through the cramped hallway to stand before a door. The thing was filthy, no matter how often she tried to clean it, and it was somehow impervious to even ultra-bleach, her most powerful weapon. She sighed and put on a glove over her delicate hand, feathers at the wrists ruffling against the latex. She put a hand on the handle and ignored the blazing red, “DON’T DO IT!” sign on the door, opening it.

As she opened the portal, the smell of acrid smoke and oil reached her and she wrinkled her nose, looking utterly disgusted. She’d been doing this for three years and yet she still couldn’t get used to the myriad of smells her employer managed to create. The only thing that made it tolerable was that she managed to create new and more horrifying smells on a weekly basis, which made things quite interesting, if sometimes nerve-wracking.

She sighed and shook her head before calling out, “Doc! You have a phone call!”

In the center of the room, which was quite dark for some reason, something shuffled and shifted, and the sound of whirring motors was heard, followed by a thin, metallic stalk bursting from the confines of what appeared to be cloth. It turned about like a periscope before coming to focus on the awaiting Monster, the white paint of the crude eye drawn over the lens looking almost disturbing in the dim light. Immediately, it popped down under the cloth and a rumbling sound was heard before a shower of cloth flew out everywhere, knocking over various things that clanged metallically all over the floor. The Kikimora’s innate clean sense tingled like a vibrator in her brain at this and she almost fell over before flicking the lights on.

In the sudden illumination, a creature was revealed in the center of the room, and it stepped back, holding up a hand to its eyes, making a hilariously unfortunate hissing sound. The Kikimora sighed and shook her head again, repeating, “Doc, phone.”
The creature became silent, turning about in a flurry of whining servos to reveal a small, petite form of a female Monster, a Gremlin to be certain. She couldn’t have been over four and a half feet, her spiked blue hair trying vainly to make her a little taller, though the way it meshed with her large, furred ears just looked silly. Her skin was pale, though she did little to hide this by wearing an open jumpsuit, exposing her mainly human body’s modest bosom, held to some dignity by a scrap of black cloth as an afterthought. She grumbled and pushed the oversized goggles on her face to her forehead, rubbing at her yellow eyes and muttering,

“Ahhh, zog it Isabelle, wot you gon and do that for?”

“Because you have work to be about Doc.” Isabelle said, looking down at her master with a sense of disdain and apathy. Her master, good with machines as she was, was still a Gremlin, and she had an atrocious sense of cleanliness and grammar. She sighed once more, wondering if it was bad for her health to sigh too much before holding the phone over to her employer.

The Gremlin grumbled before wading through the cloth, which was apparently just a bunch of T-shirts with the words, “I told you bro,” on them, before stopping, a mechanical arm appearing from the harness behind her to pluck up the phone. She stood there as another arm, one of four, hit the mute button and placed the phone near her head. She rolled her eyes as she answered, “Doc here, wut you want?”

She paused there, listening over the phone while looking at a tablet held by another arm as other little tool arms moved about, working on various projects around her, as if the machines had a mind of their own. Isabelle was always fascinated by the way the harness s worked, and she once asked its secrets, but her employer just went scarlet in the face and didn’t speak with her for a week without stuttering, seeming to be horribly embarrassed. The Kikimora assumed it must be a Gremlin thing in that case, same as someone asking her to explain her feathers. The thought made her cheeks flush some.

“Roight, roight, so yer saying you aren’t ‘appy with yer hubby’s modifications?” She gave Isabelle an eye roll before replying, “Of course the shaft ‘as to be red, it’ll cum faster!” She snickered some before continuing, “And his balls are supposed to clank… ‘ave you even tried it out yet?” She clicked the speaker button as the sound of something fleshy being stroked came over the phone, followed by moaning and then what sounded like a cannon shooting off, followed quickly by glass breaking. Some muted shouts followed later before the Doc chuckled and clicked off the phone, the mechanical hands moving to hand the phone back to the Kikimora who looked mortified, if not surprised.

“Doc… you didn’t….”

The Gremlin looked about, suddenly interested in a random bolt lying on the ground, and she gave a nervous look over her shoulder before quickly turning back to her study of some device elsewhere. Isabelle frowned and continued, her voice chiding like a school teacher’s.

“Doc. What did you do?”

The Doc grumbled and kicked at a light bulb on the ground before mumbling, “Just gave his nads a fusion core.” She held up a finger and said, “But she likes it, eh? Says she gunna get ‘er womb all bruised and ‘ave a good row!” She chuckled, “‘Ellhounds, crazy fuckers.”

Isabelle pinched the bridge of her nose before sighing again and saying, in a neutral tone, “Fine. You do have another appointment to keep today however. I trust your schedule is clear to work on their problems or…” She waved to the mess of a workshop the Gremlin kept, shelves lined with queer fluids and various mechanical devices, a table in the center of the room illuminated by various lights the only real thing with any sense of clean about it, though there are some… stains… that apparently don’t come out of stainless steel, Isabelle had tried very, very hard.

Doc frowned and waved a hand, mechanical, of course, dismissively before saying, “That boy and ‘is Raiju, roight?” Isabelle nodded and the Gremlin rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Raiju eh… zapweasel…ehehe, oh this’ll be good.” She stood there a few moments with a creepy smile on her face before remembering she wasn’t alone and she turned,looking curiously at Isabelle.
“Oi, ain’t you going to ask what’s with all the shirts?”

Isabelle closed her eyes, turned about, and left the room, shutting the foulness of that room in with her employer.


“So you see, we’re looking at… well, ‘spicing up’ our relationship.”

The man leaned back, chuckling with embarrassment after he said this, looking to the Raiju next to him for support. She smiled at him delicately before touching his hand, a small electric current flowing from her fingers and into the man, who shuddered with what could only be joy.

Isabelle thought this whole arrangement quite nice, and wondered why they would wish to change any of this. She had once said such a thing in a meeting with a client, and the Doc played her least favorite song over the speakers of the small building in which they worked for a week. An entire week of R&B only served to remind her that she was only here because the pay was phenomenal and she got to clean many messes. Also, because the demand for Kikimoras had declined once those damn goobacks appeared to take the rightful job of a Kikimora.

No, no she wasn’t bitter about this in the slightest, though she did agree they needed to return to the deep void where they belonged, a dimensional wall being built between the two planes of existence.

The Doc leaned back in the makeshift chair formed of various appendages of her harness, and rubbed at her chin thoughtfully. “I ‘ears ya, I ‘ears ya. I think I gots just the perfect thing for ya too.”

The man perked up, smiling. “Is… is that so?”

“Honey…” The Raiju said, in a low voice, “Are you sure about this, I love you just the way you are, you don’t have to do this.”

“No, Felicia, you deserve this. I’ve heard nothing but good things about her, and if I can give you more in the bedroom, then damnit, I’m going to do that.” The Raiju’s eyes began to water, and she nodded her head, the whole affair looking like something from before a horror movie, where the man went in and then came out some kind of horrific monster. Of course, that didn’t happen, stories of things like Alps just urban legends. No, no something far worse was about to occur here.

Isabelle sighed and walked forward, handing some legal documents for them to sign, which the man did with a flourish, balking a little at the price before handing them back. She scanned the files before whispering, “Did you actually read the papers?”
“Does anyone?” He said in reply, and Isabelle felt a certain sense of pain in her heart. No one reads the papers, and she worked so hard at writing them… Oh and she supposed she felt pain for the fact that they thus have no idea what they’re getting themselves into, that too.

With that squared away, Doc slapped her leg with a real hand and stood up, pointing to the ceiling with an almost crazed expression, “To the laboratory!”

Everyone stared at her with surprise and confusion, until she coughed into her hand, “I ah, wot I mean to say is, to the ah… operatin’ room, roight.”

The man gave the Raiju one final kiss before standing up and following Isabelle to the next room, a standard, and clean, exam room where she has him gently sit upon a bench before handing him a hospital gown. He looked at it, blushing, before peering at both Isabelle and the Doc, blushing even deeper. “Are you ah… you know?”

“Why? We’s just going to see it when you’se asleep anyway.” Doc said, shrugging, though not without a hint of maliciousness. When she made no moves to leave, the man sighed and stripped down, hurriedly changing into the gown before the mechanical arms move all over his body, getting vital signs while presenting information on a tablet for the Gremlin to look over, nodding and doing some figures. She actually looked like some kind of medical professional, and Isabelle almost felt a sort of pride at seeing her employer ask relevant and important questions.

“Roight, copper or Tungsten?” Doc asked then, and Isabelle sighed. Annnndddd there it is.

“I… what?” The man said, taken aback. “You uh… I mean… tungsten?” He said, looking a little unsure of himself. The Gremlin nodded her head and muttered, scribbling a few things down on her tablet before nodding in satisfaction.

“Aha! Ah, this is gunna be great!”

The man began to sweat a little as he asked, “Can… can I see what you’re going to do now?”

Isabelle sighed once more and held out page 3a. “Should have read the papers.”

The man’s eyes went wide and he was about to protest before a mask was pressed to his face, gas suddenly filling his face and his eyes flutter before he slumped down, asleep.


“Scalpel.” Doc asked through her mask, hand held out. Isabelle complied, placing the tool into her hand as she monitors vitals at the same time. Of course, she doesn’t write anything down, being fully scrubbed in for surgery, but one of the arms does the job for her, allowing her to focus on the task at hand. Sometimes, sometimes she wondered why she was even there with all the gadgets that Doc had.

The Doc looked over the man, fully under anesthesia, before beginning her incision over his arm, cauterizing the bleeding with another mechanical arm, preparing the site. After a few more moments of work, she said, not looking up, “Bring me the first battery!”

Isabelle sighed and pulled out a stylized battery that Doc had fashioned earlier, made in a sort of art-deco feel with ring and a little ball on top. She handed the device to the Gremlin who quickly fashioned it into the body, her eyes shining with that mad glee she always had when she did something particularly crazy. Isabelle honestly had no idea what her employer was doing, but she helped as three more batteries were installed, making her quite curious as to what it all meant. Was it just aesthetic? No, that didn’t fit the Gremlin’s bill… so perhaps a method to store more of the Raiju’s sexual energies? What’s the point of that?

“Tungsten plating.” Doc called, and Isabelle reacted on reflex, handing the tubular pieces to her boss without thinking about it, knowing better not to interrupt her mad science. Well, Doc preferred to call it, “art,” but she knew better. She did watch in curiosity as the Gremlin worked about the man’s penis, doing things she’d figure would be incredibly painful had she a penis, but since she had none, Isabelle couldn’t feel the true sympathy cringe for the man. It didn’t take long to finish the work however, and Doc, covered in sweat and giggling like crazy, dropped her tools and began to cackle and cavort around with absolutely no regard for sterility or proper surgical protocol. Isabelle sighed, making what, twentieth time today?, and looked over the man before shaking her head.


“WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY JIMMY?!” The Raiju screamed as she slammed the Gremlin into the door of the reception room, her body crackling with rage and electricity. “TELL ME!”

Doc, her tiny frame dwarfed by the tall, slender weasel, merely smiled wickedly and said, “I made him better!”

“You made him a freak!” Felicia wailed, turning to the man, Jimmy, who sat in a chair in the room, the new copper batteries in his arms and back shining brightly in the fluorescent light. He tried to say something but winced, feeling the pains of surgery even through the heavy medication he was on. Felicia grit her teeth and made to punch Doc’s face, when a mechanical arm suddenly appeared before the two, pushing them apart.

The Raiju struggled and raged, lighting violently discharging from her body in random directions, scorching the carpet, walls, even the damn chairs, which was VERY ANNOYING to the Kikimora. Doc offered no words as the Raiju wailed, seemingly unaffected by the electric light show, and instead pushed her closer to the man. As if attracted by something, the power suddenly shifted from the random arcs to leap into the batteries on the man and his eyes widened as they began to glow with a blue light, his whole body shaking and quivering.

Felicia quickly cut her shocking display off before staring in horror at the man, who stood up and roared, his eyes glowing bright blue, power raging around him in arcs. She was about to say something when suddenly his trousers split apart with a violent force as his cock, now plated in tungsten, burst out, bathing the room in light as it crackled and sparked.

“W…what the… what the hell?” The Raiju screamed, and Jimmy looked at her, a smile on his face.

“Honey… this power… I feel it, your loving power coursing through me! It’s wonderful! I’m able to take in far more than I ever have before and I feel harder and stronger than ever!” He waves at his thunder cock, which pulsed and nearly vibrated. “I feel like I could go for hours with this!”

“Oi, that’s roight!” Doc said, chuckling, “The power you zap into ‘im gets stored in that battery and gets channeled to ‘is nethers which gets pumped into you! It’s a closed circuit!” She giggled maniacally, “A masterpiece!”

The Raiju looked between the two, her expression a mix of terror and incredulity, and eventually she turned to the man and gently placed her hand on his member. Her eyes went wide and she began sparking suddenly, hair standing on end. A predatory smile appeared on her face and to everyone’s surprise, she tore off her clothing and threw the man to the ground, the two going at it like beavers. Or other, suitable mammals in lust.

Isabelle took a step back as an electrical arc sailed past, and she sighs, shaking her head toward the Gremlin who looked over her work with insane glee. She looked to the ceiling, which would also need a good cleaning apparently, and shrugged. Well, at least they’re happy, and at the end of the day, isn’t that why they came here for? Doc does some crazy, batshit insane, and fairly illegal things, but at the end of the day everyone leaves happy.

So sure, the pay is great, and she gets to clean regularly, but despite all the bullshit Isabelle had to put up with on a daily basis, it’s that lone fact that kept her coming in every morning. Doc does good work, and Isabelle was grudgingly proud to be part of it.

Well, most of the time anyway.

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