Welcome to ‘Doc got too tired to keep writing the main thing so let’s do a fun side thing to lighten up’.
>Be 29 year old office worker renting a house
>Desire nothing more than quiet when I get home.
>It’s been a long week fueled by nothing more than energy drinks and protein bars.
>I pull up to my driveway of the modest home and let out a sigh.
>My temple of tranquility has been invaded.
>After mustering enough will to encounter this invader again, I drag myself from my car up to the front door.
>I know what’s coming but it still pains me every time.
>The widest white grin sits on the pristine smooth face draped by black and purple hair.
>Amber eyes stare between squeezed eyelids with cheeks pulled high in a look of vicious mockery.
>Her ears twitch at the sound of the door squeaking open.
>Every fucking time I come home I have to see this stupid fucking cat with her god damned smug fucking grin god damnit
>The fury at the satisfaction of my invader wells deep from my soul.
>The smug cheshire laughs, “What’s it going to be this time? Spray bottle? Pleading for me to leave?”
>She had been nothing but an annoyance since her arrival, testing my patience with ghostly sounds, staring with the piercing judging gaze of those amber eyes, and worst of all, giving a running commentary on what I’m doing.
>I brush past her and head for my room, my fallen sanctum, the last form of respite I have from her.
>”Oooh, ignoring me this time, huh? Well then I’m going to have to escalate things around here…” She mocks me as I close the door firmly.
>I stop focusing on the incessant wines and demands for attention that this cheshire disguises as threats and lay my laptop bag down on the floor next to me as I let my back slide down the length of my door.
>With a held breath released, I close my eyes to the noise of the cheshire monologuing to a disinterested audience.
>Maybe it was time to ask for help.
>Boot up my computer and pull up my favorite forums.
>’How do I get rid of this cheshire and her annoyingness?’ I write as the title.
>With my description of my scenario and the declaration that I’m at my wit’s end written, I post it.
>Almost forget that the cheshire is still talking to herself out there as the first few replies make themselves known.
>’Fuck her till she shuts up’
>’sounds like she’s trying to fuck you unless she starts breaking things’
>’tie her up unless she’s in to it’
>’Get a shoggoth to claim your house, then free maid too’
>>’Idiot, Kiki’s are better’
>>>’What do you mean, shoggoths are clearly-‘
>And as quickly as I had started the thread it was quickly derailed.
>I lean back in my chair to think over what the cheshire had done.
>On the first day, she had a half-baked attempt at dinner made by the time I had arrived and then began taunting me about my ‘paltry excuse for security’.
>That night she watched me in my sleep, only to be discovered after I got up for a midnight whizz.
>Day two she had followed me around the house, never letting me get a moment to myself.
>Day three I found myself pinned down by her taunting me to ‘stand up for my home’.
>Day five was really pushing boundaries, she knelt down in front of me to purposely show that she hadn’t been wearing anything under her short skirt.
>Not that I didn’t have nice thoughts about that one but it’s still in the spirit of disturbing me.
>The rest of the time had been a combination of those, a constant presence, removing all forms of silence and privacy from my life.
>It was time to stand up to this interloper in my life.
>After maybe browsing a few memes..
>I threw open the door with a mighty crash, sending the doorknob in to the drywall.
>’That hole will be fixed later!’ I thought triumphantly as I strode confidently out of my room.
>”Oh look who finally decided to come out of his little cope cave! Are you done listening to my list of how much of a fool you are?” The cheshire sneered.
>”No, I’m here to go to the backyard.” I say, still brimming with awkward confidence.
>”Then go touch some grass while you’re out there, nerd!”
>I ignore the comment as I march through the kitchen and throw open the sliding door to my backyard.
>The time I had wasted away browsing the internet for some semblance of relaxation had helped, especially when I came upon a greentext of unbeknownst relevance.
“I would fuck up a vampire with a brick.
>but vampires can only be killed with blah blah blah
Don’t care. Going to beat it to death with a fucking brick. I hate demons and I hate s*t*n and I hate all of his minions. They get the brick.”
>As my mother said in the arrival of the Mamono to our world, they are demons, agents of satan.
>Not that I think she was right, I still think the principle here works.
>Next to my AC unit sits a pile of stray bricks left from the last time they had to cut in to my walls.
>I picked up the most heavy red brick I could find and returned to my kitchen.
>”OOh, whatcha going to do with that? Wall yourself in your room?” The chesire sneered.
>Her taunts turned in to screams as I began chasing her around the house with the brick.
>To be honest, they were playful screams, quite the opposite of what I had intended.
>My yells and curses at her presence were anything but playful.
>”Oh no! You’ve got a brick, oh my how terrifying!” She yelled before going invisible down a long hallway.
>I heave the brick down the length of the hall, only to nail my window at the far end.
>”Fuck you cat! You get the brick next time!” I yell
>As I pant from my tirade of curses, slurs and brick chasing, I realize a foreign presence that I had not known the graces of in over a week.
>In the catharsis of victory, I kicked back on my couch, reveling in the serenity I had claimed back from the purple and black fiend.
>I still remembered dreaming of this moment since that cat had arrived, throwing off the uncomfortable slacks in triumph and kicking back in naught but underwear and my undershirt.
>This was my triumph, this was my kingdom I had reclaimed
>Immediately fall asleep.
>I awaken to a weight on my waist and a terrible sight to behold.
>The widest white grin flanked by black and purple hair.
>Amber eyes stare between squeezed eyelids with cheeks pulled high in a look of vicious mockery.
>The cheshire is on top of me with that smug smile plastered across her face.
>”Thought you could get rid of me so easily?”
>I was defenseless in this moment, no brick to be my righteous fury.
>”I didn’t realize I had pushed you so far, maybe I need to make it up to you.” The cheshire dropped her smug look, something I saw as alien upon her features.
>I could feel a damp warmth radiating from her nethers upon mine.
>Only a tantalizingly thin piece of fabric separated our shame from one another.
>With all the might of one not wanting to satisfy his enemy, I threw her off of me and ran for salvation.
>The cheshire chased me, calling that “This isn’t how it’s supposed to go!”
>I scurry outside to grab a brick as the purple and black menace gives chase.
>The second she sees me pick up another red menace, she disappears.
>That’s right, fear the brick.
>Carry the brick back with me in to my house and decide to make myself a fine dinner in celebration of my newfound cure for the disease that was this cheshire.
>After a fine dinner of take out chinese rather than ramen noodles, I sit upon my throne (gaming chair) and pull up the delights of entertainment my jester can provide (youtube).
>No longer would I have to deal with the smug comments ripe with judgement over my recommended filled with what the cheshire deemed ‘lame’ videos.
>Never would I fall victim to the judgement of another within my own home, no restrictions on myself, nothing but privacy.
>This thought led to me taking off the clothes I had thrown on to pick up my food from the local chinese place, reducing myself to naught but my boxers.
>I enjoyed a video partnered with broccoli and beef when a rather strange sensation began to plague me.
>What at first had felt like the near imperceptive sense of dust on my skin had grown to the presence of fur between my legs as I sat.
>I looked down to see amber eyes locked on my manhood as the cheshire tried to pull down my boxers with her paws.
>The cheshire had a look of desire one might equate to a dehydrated man wandering the desert come upon a bottle of water.
>I frantically looked around for my only means of defense, only to find my lone brick sitting across my room on my nightstand.
>Oh what a fool I was for not having it within an arm’s reach.
>The cheshire wrapped her lips around my tip and began to play along my shaft with her tongue.
>This was… amazing but awful!
>Her lips felt like the finest silk as they began to travel up and down along my length, her tongue scrambling to taste every inch, but I couldn’t sit here satisfied that she was enjoying such a thing.
>I thought to fall back in my chair and take my defeat, but no! I would not fall to such… pleasurable tactics!
>I push both feet against the wall behind my desk and push forcibly, leaving the cheshire under my desk drunk on the flavors of love that she had sucked.
>With desire in her eyes, she thought to pounce on me until she noticed the brick in my hand.
>”Begone thot!” I yelled, holding the brick up menacingly.
>And as quickly as it had started, the cheshire was gone.
>Fucking smug asshole amazing blow job cat.
>After the eventful day, I had decided to catch up on much needed sleep, since the cheshire had been incessant about bothering me in the middle of the night.
>I had prepared for the night with a brick on my nightstand and a brick beneath my pillow.
>She wouldn’t suspect a second brick, right?
>Lay down for the night to a harder-than-normal pillow
>Fuck it, I’ll fall asleep eventu-
>I awoke to a softer than normal pillow and another warm pillow on my face.
>As I grope at the pillow placed upon me, I find that it’s the ample breasts of the cheshire.
>She’s on top of me again, this time, already having all but inserted myself in to her.
>”I thought you’d want to be awake for this part..” she cooed.
>As she began to lower herself on to me, I frantically shifted and forced myself off-course from her fertile target.
>Her teeth clenched and her eyes began to roll back in her head as I thrust in to her rear.
>The expression must be that of discomfort from the unexpected invader in her colon, much like my discomfort at her presence in my house.
>It wasn’t until her face contorted into a lewd smile did I realize that she was enjoying it.
>Then I must be more brutish to punish such enjoyment!
>I picked up pace, thrusting faster and harder as she began to move her hips to get more out of every motion.
>I felt as she clenched, begging me to be more forceful, asking with every act to keep going.
>In some sense of pity at the lust stricken cheshire, I complied, trying to pound her out of my home.
>After her legs began to find firm purchase around my torso, I spilled deep within her.
>She pulled me close as if to plug herself up to prevent my fluids from escaping.
>In the clarity of the moment, I remembered, this wasn’t bricking a cheshire, this was anal sex!
>I wouldn’t let this defilement go unpunished.
>Both my bricks were gone.
>I pulled the cheshire in to my embrace and pulled her in to the bed, using her bosom as my pillow.
>”You won’t be able to escape me tonight if you’re going to be my new pillow!” I taunt, holding her close to me as I burry my face in her breasts.
>”Oh how unfortunate…” She mocks, wrapping her purple black paws around me.