Panty Raiders Chapter 1

One of the largest and most diverse campuses in the Western world, the Monster Girl City College was a noted centre of academic culture the world over. For nearly 300 years, it had acted as a grand experiment of monster-human integration, a mission in which it had, by most accounts, completely succeeded in. While there had always been problems with… semi-consensual sex, it was always strongly noted by the college’s administration that ‘girls will be girls’ whenever complaints about violated students arose. There were problems, to be sure, but overall, the student body was healthy, happy and academically-minded.

Of course, there’s always a few bad apples…

“Come along chaps, second class is upsta-” Church paused, holding his cane in front of the two men following him. “-hold on. We’ve got a problem.”

A group of smallish satyros were loitering at the bottom of the staircase, giving a wide berth to any students who approached them.

“I don’t see no problem, they’re just hanging there.” Marshall said, scratching the back of his head. “I reckon if we just walked up to them they’d let us pass.”

“You don’t understand, Marshall.” Church glared at him, then lowered his cane. “It’s a matter of principle. Chap, the horn.”

A short Russian man in a camouflage tracksuit poked his head from behind Marshall’s frame and produced an airhorn from his pocket, handing it to Church.

“Excellent. Watch and learn, dear boy.” He stuck his cane out in front of him and hobbled over to the group of unsuspecting satyros.


In an instant, all the satyros had gone stiff as a board, and fainted where they stood.

“Haha! Jolly good show. Come along lads, we don’t want to be late, do we?” Church beckoned his friends to follow him up the stairs, Marshall took care not to step on the satyros’ paralysed bodies while Cheslav observed all the stares from the surrounding students with indifference.

* * *

“Alright lads, you know our plan for tonight. The gandharva dorm at midnight. I expect both of you to be there. No excuses like last time. Chap.” Church spat, walking ahead of his friends with his usual cocksure attitude. 

“Comrade, was not my fault! Was important sale on spam and Bits & Bites.” Cheslav couldn’t believe that after all these years, Church still couldn’t remember his name.

“It’s a week fucking long sale, you mouthbreathing dolt! Have I told you recently that you disgust me?”

“Da, this morning.”

Marshall paused. “Shit, there’s a sale on Bits & Bites? I gotta get in on that!.

“Do either of you ever shut the fuck up?” Church spun around and faced his crew. “Have you forgotten why we’re even doing these raids?”

Marshall and Cheslav were quiet. It had been a year since they started doing this whole ‘panty raid’ thing. It was fun, if a bit risky. Church may not have been the most savory character, but he was an effective leader. …Sometimes.

“Uhhh, because it’s fun?” Marshall guessed.

Cheslav stayed silent, as he preferred to.

Un-fucking-principled, the both of you.” Church slammed his cane into the ground dramatically. “It’s not about having fun, it’s about sending a message.The monster heathens in this school should bloody well know that they can’t just take a male’s submission for granted. Their little games and rape-happy behavior are not going to go unchecked. If they want to harass us in the day, they’re going to learn a lesson in humility at night. Or are you planning on being claimed by some Rapey Rachel?”

Both of them shook their heads.

“No, no we ain’t.”

“Good. Our six-foot-four yankee with retard strength can do his usual bit overpowering and distracting. As for you, Chap, I expect you can get the items we discussed from your network?”


“Da, is easy. Made sure to get extra, in case.”

“Come on, lads, let’s get a little more excited for this. You both love it when we’re running away, our exploits safely secured. Where’s that usual daring-do?”

“Ehhh, go team.” Cheslav lazily threw his hand in the air and Marshall rolled his eyes.

* * *

Esther was walking home from her night class- just before midnight. It was likely that all her roommates were asleep already, so she had to be quiet so she wouldn’t wake the- What the fuck?

Three men were walking down the street outside her dorm, the short one in the back leading an actual donkey. Not a girl, but an honest-to-god pack animal, loaded up with a few different bags and boxes.

“You two will never guess what one of those fat birds did to me today.” Church began.

Oh great, looks like Church was going to bitch again. “I don’t need to guess, you’re gonna tell me anyway.”

“Damn right I will. I was trying out for first seat in Orchestra today, I was up against that bint Esther playing the Four Seasons by none other than the master himself, Vivaldi. I played every note flawlessly and of course, the whole class applauded after I was done.”

“Oh? What could have possibly taken you outta your self-imposed ego-boner, then?”

“That overweight pooinloo ball of feathers had the fucking gall to give what she called constructive criticism, which as we all know, is never anything but a thinly-veiled personal attack.”

Esther paused. Wait, was he talking about her? She hadn’t really wanted to seem mean, but… well… he wasn’t very good and she’d just wanted to give him a tip on holding his bow, since he was kind of hammer-gripping it. A-and was she getting fat? It had been a while since she’d done a proper diet, but it wasn’t that bad, was it? Dahi toast was just so good…

Tonight, she thought, was a good night to crash at her boyfriend’s dorm.

* * *

The three men had just reached the back door of the gandharva dorm when Church spoke up. “Alright, this is the back door. Now all we need to do is-”

The man grunted as he pulled fruitlessly at the door for a few seconds before clicking his tongue. “And it’s locked. Of course.”

“Locked? Well dang it. Guess we ain’t gettin’ in.” Marshall said, turning to leave.

“Don’t give me that, you oaf. We can just climb in through the windows.”

Marshall gestured towards his body. “Do I look like I can sneak in through a window?”

“Of course not, but whose fault is that for not following that diet plan I sent you at the start of last summer?” Church scolded.

“Your diet plan? You mean that sticky note that just said ‘drop the fork, tubby?’ Pardon me for not takin’ that seriously.”

Cheslav opened the window, grumbling about ‘friends wasting precious comrade cluckers bonding time.’ “Is open, Church.”

“Jackpot, lads.” Church whispered. “Alright, let’s get in there.”

“Da, one moment.” Cheslav surveyed the window, then climbed inside, taking care not to raise any alarm. “Put ass in gear, cowboy.”

“Alright, you pull me through while Church pushes me up.”
With a few moments of effort from all parties, Marshall’s large frame was pushed through the window. Once in, Marshall pulled Church in by his arms. With all three of them successfully infiltrated, they surveyed their surroundings.

They were in a bedroom, a sleeping gandharva lying about ten feet away from them, next to their target- the only dresser in the room.

“Perfect.” Church whispered. “Nothing like a nice easy heist to break in the new semester.”

“We are not out of Chernyayevsky woods yet, tovarisch.” Cheslav warned, gesturing to the sleeping gandharva, who stirred gently.

“Fuck. Hurry or we’ll need to run.” Church hissed. Marshall reacted first, opening the drawer and stuffing handfuls of panties into a backpack that Cheslav held open.

“Mmmmnnn…What’s all the racket? Esther is that… you?” The gandharva yawned, pausing when she opened her eyes and saw three strangers rifling through her underwear drawer.

“Quick, the earplugs!” Church snapped, prompting the three men to stuff the orange pieces of foam into their ears.

“O-oh, are you here to have sex with me?” She whispered.

“What?” Marshall asked, pulling out one of the earplugs.

“No! What are you doing, you bumpkin!? You’re going to get swayed by her charms! Oh, damn it all. We’re going, Chap, Marshall can learn not to be a sexual deviant on his own.” Church pulled Cheslav by his arm out the window, panties in tow.

“W-wait! Don’t leave- …Without… me.” Marshall reached out to the open window, but before he could get close, the gandharva wrapped her fluffy wings around him. “Aw, fuck.”

“Wait, don’t leave yet! I need to know… why did you steal my panties? You know, if you had just asked, I would have given you mine.” She giggled.

“That ain’t the point, missy.” Marshall hated explaining himself to the girls, it always reminded him how stupid this hobby really was.

The gandharva tilted her head. “So, why did you steal panties if you didn’t want them?”

In situations like these, Church had given him a canned response to use. “Erm, to send a message or some shit I don’t fuckin’ know.”

“…You aren’t making any sense.”

“You should talk to the other fellas about this shit, I’m just the ‘retard strength.’”


“So…” She pulled him a bit closer… “Are we going to bang?”

“’Fraid not, I have to rawn-day-vooz with the others.”

“O-oh.” She looked down, dejected. “W-what if I sing you a song~” She crooned, reaching up to touch his face. That was his cue.

“That’s what these are for, ma’am.” He said, stuffing the earplugs back in and clambering out the window, leaving the poor gandharva to her own devices in her room, now several pairs of panties short.

Un-fucking-believable. All the dreams I’ve had of a midnight gangbang and I get the panty raiders.” She pouted, folding her wings.

* * *
Back at base, an abandoned portable classroom that the school no longer used, all three of the men had gathered around the table that lay in the middle of the room.

“Well boys, despite our complications we managed to make off with a good haul. I believe this one-” He held up a particularly new looking pair of beige silk panties. “-will be the one we hang up on the Wall of Triumph.” 

He beamed, then opened up a drawer that held empty picture frames. He carefully slipped the pair of panties inside, taking great care to keep them properly aligned and pressed relatively flat. Once it was situated to his satisfaction, he hung it between the ‘f’ and ‘h’ sections of panties they had raided. They had a slot reserved for one of every species, though realistically they only planned to hit one or two of the ‘ultimate challenge’ dorms.

“I think this calls for a celebration. PRUDENCE!” Church called, picking up a bell on the table and ringing it. “Get us a pot of Lady Grey- the lavender kind, five sugar, and no milk this time, woman.”

“You can bring a bowl of sugar cubes to the table.” Marshall added. “And a cup of ice.”

A small kikimora, dressed in a culinary school maid uniform snapped to attention in her corner of the room when Church shouted.

 “C-coming right away, master!” She skittered off to a portable that was connected behind the clubhouse, which used to be a miniature kitchen. It was filled with snacks and other goodies that Cheslav kept stocked regularly.

“So. Who will be our quarry next, gentlemen?” Church spreaded out a list that had the names of all the species of monsters that attended the college. “We’ve conquered the zombies, alps, gnomes, fairies, charbydis, centaurs, bicorns, barometz, gargoyles, holstaurs, angels, goblins and apsaras. Now that we can cross the gandharvas from the list as well, I think it’s time we looked to more… ambitious runs.”

“Well, how ‘bout the Ushi oni?”

“Jesus christ, what are you thinking? I said ambitious, not suicidal!”

“I was just suggestin’ partner.”

“Well then, avoid ‘suggestin’ in the future. What say you, Chap?”

“Cheslav wants to do alps next.”

“Good lord, first the idiot and now the homosexuals are crawling out of the woodwork. We’ve already hit the alps! Are you planning on becoming one yourself?”

Cheslav looked down. “Alps were nice…”

Just then, Prudence came in with a tray containing a kettle, several cups of steaming tea, a bowl of sugar cubes and a glass of ice. 

“Are you wondering who to hit next?” She asked, giving Church his cup and passing Marshall his glass of ice, sliding the sugar cubes towards him as well. She passed Cheslav and shuddered. There was something off about him, and it made her nervous. “H-hey Cheslav, here’s your tea!”

“Of thankings, tovarisch.”

“We aren’t asking for your rubbish opinion, woman.” Church snapped. “We need to get more field experience before we hit the particularly dangerous dorms. We need a dormitory with a high population and members that aren’t impossible for a human to subdue.”

“Like alps?” Cheslav asked.

“Oh shut your mouth, you flaming poof.”

Marshall, watching the two argue, quickly grabbed a handful of sugar cubes and furiously stirred them into his tea. Once they were sufficiently dissolved he poured the hot tea into the ice cold glass.


“Makin’ it drinkable.” He replied, taking a small sip.

“You make me sick.”

“You know what is not sick?” Cheslav piped in.

Marshall turned to Cheslav. “What would that be?”


“We ain’t hitting the alps again. How about them wurms?”

“I’d rather not have to use a wheelchair to get around, thank you.” Church quipped.

“Alright, what about the elves?” Marshall suggested.

“Hmmm, they are a populated dorm, and I know I’d be able to take at least six of those knife-eared hippies myself… Let’s make a plan of attack then.”


“How about an afternoon strike? Most of ‘em take either early morning or late night classes and so most of ‘em are asleep around six PM.”

“Six-a-bong, is it? We get out of classes at four, so we need to prioritize speed instead of stealth. We can afford to get caught, but if we stick around too long, those damned beatniks might overwhelm us.” Church pondered. “I think this calls for… Lady Lifts-a-lot.”

An awkward silence hung in the air before Marshall broke it. “You know, you really oughta change that name.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you petulant fool. I chose that name because it properly describes her noble work.”

“Cheslav also likes name as it is.” Cheslav added, taking out a flask from his pocket and pouring some of its contents into his tea.

“See? Even the Russian dog agrees with me. So it’s settled then, we hit the elf dormitory this Wednesday at six in the afternoon. And if you must take advantage of that Bits & Bites sale, please do it before then.” He rested his face on his hand. “Meeting adjourned, clean up the sugar that Marshall left on the table, Prudence.”

The kikimora’s tail wagged when she was acknowledged. “Yes, Master!” 

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3 thoughts on “Panty Raiders Chapter 1

  1. They’ve been attempting to end segregation for the last 300 years?
    Either shit’s /super/ segregated, or the experiment is pretty shitty.

    It’s unprecedented? That’s not shocking. /Since this university experiment is a world-first./
    If their cultures were so similar, why were they even segregated to begin with? Will this be touched on? Are we going to get some kind of well disguised musing on racial tensions in modern America?
    >that’s still rape.

    This guy best be blisteringly ironic.

    Wait. So these satyros… Are the ones giving the other students a wide berth? So they’re simultaneously loitering and dodging incoming students? How considerate.

    Oh, so this Church guy is just insufferable.

    Yeah. Nah. Nah.

  2. I saw Eyepop’s comments on this on discord and thought I’d give it a chance. I’ve come to the conclusion that this piece wasn’t written for me.

    Don’t get me wrong, I can enjoy slapstick if it’s done well. This came off as high school Drama Club only-teenagers-think-this-is-funny tier.

    From what I gathered of the characters, they fell into these categories of “funny”: the asshole who thinks he’s smart and yells at the others a lot, the big stupid one who receives the aforementioned asshole’s ire, and the guy with the Russian accent who talks about spam. I got their names mixed up in my head plenty during the first half of the piece that I read.

    I couldn’t get behind the scenario, either. Three idiots breaking into a dorm to steal underwear is about as juvenile as it gets. If some kind of ironic comedy was here, I didn’t see any attempt at comedy outside the Three Stooges routine (which works so much better visually anyway).

    In the first half that I read, I found that you didn’t really describe anything. Description only went as far as: there are three guys, there are three satyros, they are on a sidewalk, there is a window, they are in a bedroom. There’s something to be said about minimal description, but this leaves me imagining a pale white void with a floating window in it.

    I would also like to ask what’s up with the formatting. What’s up with the double-spaced paragraphs every few paragraphs? If there are supposed to be scene changes, then they are happening mid-scene. You should always check your formatting before fully publishing something, in order to avoid confusion.

    You should also decide on a tense. There are a lot of instances where in one sentence it will say “he said,” while another will say, “he sits.” The first is past, the second is present. Choose one and stick with it.

    I grinned at “Rapey Rachel.”

  3. Ok, NOW I understand the motivation behind the Panty Raiders. A way of striking back.
    How it’s supposed to do that, IDK. But hey, there are many forms of logic.
    Perhaps after I read a few more, I’ll comprehend what exactly they do with the panties after they’ve gotten a hold of them.

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