Home Improver Stories: Flooring Problems

Authors Note: My apologies for the long hiatus. I recently changed job titles, which put a more physical work load on me that tended to cut into my writing times as it also changed my daily schedule. In other news your Uncle Bono is hopefully going to be getting a new job as an emergency dispatcher, which means I get to tell cops and paramedics where to go and what to do- a terrifying thought to keep you all up at night. So this here is a lost chapter created after Regina’s Garden. It’s been sitting around unfinished for quite some time so I finally decided to get it done. I will have another Home Improver chapter that takes place post June’s Revenge up in a few weeks. Enjoy!  


“Aaaadam, I know you’re heeeeere.” June sang from not too far away.

David peeked from around the corner. What da fuck was going on here? Looking down he spotted Adam, the garden associate, hiding behind a pallet of tile in the flooring showroom. Why the hell was that jack ass hiding in his department of all places? 

“I’ve had a boy from almost each and every department except yours. Don’t you want to help me complete my collection?” June giggled. “I promise I’ll be gentle, you’ll never even miss that pesky virginity when I’m done.”

TM- fucking -I, chick, David thought as he hid himself around the corner of an endcap. That June was a crazy ass slut and he seriously did NOT want to be on her radar.  Why couldn’t that moron just make a run for it to his own department. At least he had a DH that was around and cared. His own was a Phantom that he hardly ever saw and when he did, the chick just kept going on about having to write stories on some website called Touchfluffytail, whatever the hell that was. 

A ring from the flooring desk phone interrupted his thoughts, June’s too evidently, as she turned and stared at the phone with it’s annoying ringtone. God, he hated that ringtone. Adam then decided to make a break for it only to have June catch him with her hair.  Sorry bro, every man for himself when it comes to that skank, David thought to himself. 

“Bitch, what the hell did I tell you about raping my associates?!”

Ah, see? His DH has his back.  Afterwards, when all the action died down, David was finally able to actually do some work and downstock. His efforts were sadly short-lived however when he was asked for help by his co-worker a Lich named  Nelly,

”David, I have need of your assistance.” 

Sighing, David looked longingly at the 10 boxes that he brought down by ladder, they probably wouldn’t get worked today…

”Yeah, Nelly what’s up?”  He asked, walking over to her. She was sitting at the flooring desk, staring at the blank computer screen. 

“This machine is not working.” She said in an annoyed tone, which was surprising for the fact that she usually never showed much in the way of emotions. 

“That’s because it’s not on, Nelly,” David sighed, ”See that little button on the side of the monitor? Push it and it will turn on and be running in a couple of minutes.” 

Staring at the monitor for a uncomfortably long period, Nelly reached over and pushed the power button. 

David sighed again although internally, you could have the most powerful sorceress in the world doing her thing, but slap a computer down in front of her and all of a sudden, she becomes the biggest retard ever known. Magic and Earth tech just didn’t mix. 

It really didn’t make sense for the Lich to be in the department. She had a difficult time using the computers, trying to teach her about all the different kinds of flooring materials was a nightmare and when he tried, she would just give him a long creepy stare. His other co-worker Karrie, the ghoul, at least semi knew what the hell she was doing. She personally was more into carpet, though, as she said it was more comfortable on her knees when she was giving her boyfriend blow jobs. That chick could tell the softest carpets and the best pads from a mile away…

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Nelly, she was actually pretty cute in her own way. Short- a little under 5 foot, pale skin with black hair down to her shoulders, and small pert breasts. She was actually pretty easy on the eyes.  Her personality was almost non-existent though. She gave simple answers and questions, deadpan expressions, it sometimes seemed like the lights were on but nobody was home. She always asked him for help however, maybe she just was comfortable around him or just figured that he knew what the hell he was doing?

“Thank you, David.” She said as the computer finally booted up. 

He watched as she stared at the now lit screen, losing his patience over her inaction he finally asked,

”Okay, what are you trying to do?” 

“I wish to register that I am working.” 

“Nelly, you’ve been working for like 3 hours already, didn’t you punch in at the time clock when you got here?” 

A heavy silence overtook them as he stared at the Lich. David couldn’t tell for sure, but she looked vaguely embarrassed. 

David sighed for the umpteenth time, “Fine, let’s go find an ASM, maybe they can fix your time.” 


The day later turned into its usual nightmare. Too many customers that needed too much help and not enough associates. It was usually just himself and Nelly most of the time. Every moron that walked into the department thought they could do the same job as a professional, they just needed a little ‘explanation’ on how to do it. 

Sure, like a 5 minute crash course could replace years of experience. Still, they did it anyway just to save money. Then there were the so-called “pros” that frequently visited the department. These guys claimed they were experts but when push came to shove, they always asked how many cases of flooring was needed for their job or how much mortar for the tile or carpet for a room.  You would think that after years of doing the same thing, they would learn to calculate how much material they needed. 

‘Okay, got the trowels worked, just need to stock the tile spacers and I should be all done’, thought David. 

“David, I require your assistance.” The Lich called from the nearby desk

”God damn it,” David breathed to himself, then in a louder voice, he yelled from the aisle, “Yeah, Nelly?” 

“The customer on the telephone is inquiring how many 12” tiles are needed for her floor.” 

“Well how many square feet does she have?”

The long pause only served to frustrated David as he waited for a response. 

“She does not know how to calculate square footage.”

”Length times width! You know that Nelly!”

For the dozenth time that day, David resisted the urge to drop his purple work apron on the ground and walk out. He needed the job though, not too many places around town we’re hiring and this, if any, was at least a steady source of income.

David really was just a normal kind of guy. No major issues, hang ups, or problems save for he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life. He was fairly young at being 22, yet he had no interest in going to college or a trade school. There was nothing out there that just seemed to interest him. In a way he felt lost, not knowing what he should be doing, but there had to be something out there for him, right? It was a depressing thought that he tended not to dwell on for too long. Maybe on his next day off he should check a career website?

Later, as his shift was ending, David walked by the back row of the department. It was an odd, out-of-the-way area that no one really went to shop and a convenient route to take if you wanted to avoid customers. As he traveled, David noticed Nelly using her magic to upstock cases of tile that couldn’t fit on the shelf. Stopping to watch, he felt a tingle of jealousy. Magic sure made things convenient, those cases were an easy 80lbs each and she was just levitating them with no problem. An odd sound made him look up.  All vibrations of the tile landing on the racking was making the pallet above her tilt and wabble, it was going to fall on her!

Breaking into a run, David barely managed to push the Lich away when the pallet teetered down on top of him.

Pain exploded throughout his body as darkness filled his vision. Buried under a pile of product, he felt himself being crushed and the wetness of his own blood seeping into his clothes. After what seemed like an agonizing eternity, he faintly felt things being moved off of him, and Nelly herself filling his vision. She stared at him as he gasped for air, life quickly leaving his mangled body. He wanted to beg for help, for any kind of action from the Lich but he didn’t have the strength to. The last thing he remembered seeing was her hand reaching for his face.



That was the sensation that David could first feel. Gone was the excruciating pain of his crushed body, then coldness, followed by the feeling that he was laying on something hard. Using all of his strength, David opened his eyes to the ceiling of a dark cave… Wait, no, that wasn’t right, where those were the steel cross beams of the store?

Where was he?

Despair filled him as he realized he couldn’t turn his head, he couldn’t speak, he didn’t even know where he was. Tears began to fill his eyes as he realized the hopelessness of the situation. 

“Why do you cry?” Came the voice of Nelly as she appeared in his sight. 

“I can’t move.” He mumbled. 

The Lich made a moue and replied, “I have repaired the damage to your body.” 

It quite suddenly occurred to David that he could talk, so did that mean he could also…?  David lifted his hand off the table he was laying on. Frowning, he sat up and found he slightly overreacted to his situation. Well that was embarrassing, although he did feel a little out of it and there was a slight feeling of pins and needles throughout his body. 

“What is this place?” He asked looking around to see open ducting along with various sections of metal racking, beams and old product displays. 

“This is my lair and laboratory.” Nelly said with an almost hint of pride in her face and voice as she walked towards a paint marked plastic fold up table that held vials and beakers of unknown fluid. It suspiciously looked like one of the dozens used for the kids toy workshop that was held once a month at the store. 

“It looks like a storage room for the store.” 

Nelly stumbled in mid-step as he said that. Turning she fixed him with an icy stare.

”This IS my lair and laboratory.” She said firmly before  reaching over to grab a vial filled with a green liquid. 

”Um, yeah… Sure.” He half heartedly mumbled felt the last of the numbness and disorientation leave him. 

A  sudden chill made David look down to see he was naked. Letting out a high-pitched yell, he quickly covered his privates with both hands.

”Nelly! Why the hell am I naked?!” He demanded angrily. 

“It was necessary for me to fix you, “ She replied in her deadpan voice as she walked back and held the vial up to him, “Swallow this.”

”What is it?” David asked distrustingly as he looked at her through the unknown green liquid. 

“If my research is correct, it should enhance your vitality.” 

David wasn’t quite sure what that meant. Maybe it would give him some energy? Still through, it looked kinda weird.

Taking hold of the glass with a hand, he looked at Nelly with a grimace, “Couldn’t you just give me, I donno, like an aspirin and a Loaded Throttle? And can I get my clothes back?” 

The Lich bore her eyes into him and the room suddenly felt darker, more menacing. For the first time ever, David feared for his life.  

”You are daring to compare my crafted formula with a simple over the counter pain medication and an energy drink?” 

David’s nakedness was suddenly forgotten as the self survival part of his brain kicked in and he automatically downed the liquid. It was bitter and sour, with a chalky aftertaste that made him cough violently.

Almost instantly, an intense heat coursed throughout his body, making him flush. David felt an odd stimulation in his testicles as his manhood stiffened harder than he had ever experienced before. He fought against confusing urges to thrust his hips out. He was horny! More horny than he could ever remember! Images of naked sweaty bodies slapping together and moans of pleasure filled his head. He needed someone! Someone to fuck!

“What did you do to me?!” He cried out in both fear lust. 

“Test subject is responding as predicted to formula. Atypical effects such as enhanced body heat and maximum erection are apparent.” Nelly said to herself as she bent over another plastic table and wrote in a large notebook. Looking back to him, she asked,

“Do you feel the urge to copulate?”

David let loose a primal groan as the lust burning inside him was too much. He began to masturbate furiously in front of the undead girl. Turning back to the tome, she wrote again while speaking out loud,

“Test subject has began to self pleasure himself. While not unexpected, a different react…”

As the disappointed Lich continued to self dictate, David noticed her short robes had risen up from her being bent over.  Bare, pale skin and a shapely ass met his eyes. He needed her in the worst possible way, but she was his co-worker! Plus they didn’t have anything in common, she annoyed him half the time, they were exact opposites, hell she wasn’t even alive! Another wave of desire crashed into him as he shuttered while pumping his engorged shaft.  

He didn’t care anymore! He didn’t care that she had drugged him, he didn’t care that they were completely different! Maybe opposites attract, but he needed this. He needed her! She was something new, something away from his monotonous life! He began to walk towards Nelly.

”…perhaps an increase from .005oz of Dark Matter to .006oz would allow for…”  

The Lich paused in her words as she felt a pair of needy hands roughly grab onto her hips. Twisting her head, she saw David behind her. A look of pure lust filled his eyes as sweat dripped off his brow. His heated shaft plunged deep into her cold, undead slit as David’s more primal instincts took rein. Nelly gasped at the unexpected assault in her neither regions. Any and all reason and logic left him as he pounded away at the bent over girl. With the unknown mixture coursing through his veins, an unfound aggression boiled over. He was going to hate fuck this undead girl back into the ground!

“This is what you wanted isn’t it? For this? For me to fuck you? This is what you wanted all along?!” He growled as he thrusted deeper and deeper into her, causing her smaller, lighter frame to actually raise off her feet with every forceful movement. 






Thrust .




Angered by her response, David grabbed onto her small breasts and pinched her nipples. He was going to make her moan for him! Make her scream his name! 

Nelly let loose pant after pant at his assaults until after a particularly violent thrust caused her to moan. Encouraged, David did his best to work his drug hardened member deeper and deeper into the Lich’s    now moistened crevice. Even with her miracle potion fueling him, Nelly’s tight sheath that was clinging on to his cock was too much. Never before had he experienced this kind of pleasure from sex! And never before had a girl been this tight! 

The building pressure in his balls told him that he needed to cum soon and he knew exactly where. He didn’t care that she might get pregnant. Hell she was undead, wasn’t that like the ultimate birth control anyway?

Letting loose a primal grunt, David shot load after load of his cum deep into the Lich’s lukewarm pussy. Feeling the hot spray of life entering into her, Nelly moaned loudly at the unnatural invasion of David’s sperm into her dead womb.

“David.” She breathed emotionally, calling the name of her now lover, husband and subject. For her, it was the ultimate taboo, life entering death to create a new undead. It was an experience that she would need to catalog after her own pleasure subsided. 

David leaned against the Lich’s back to steady himself from the tidal wave of ecstasy, the sweat on his brow dripping onto her pale, porcelain skin. Never before had he cum so hard from sex! His head felt clearer, he wasn’t angry anymore, but there was one thing that didn’t seem to subside. He found himself still very much hard and very much buried balls deep in Nelly. 

Throwing caution to the wind, David  wrapped his arms around her tiny stomach and began to tenderly kiss her neck and shoulders. He was surprised to find that her skin was actually warm. Perhaps it was from their heated bout of sex? 

“Why do you kiss me there?” He heard her ask.

”Do you want me to stop?” 

“…No, it is… Pleasant.” 

A high compliment indeed, coming from her. 

“You are still erect and inside me.” Nelly said, stating the obvious.

“Do you want to do it again?” David asked between kisses, hoping she would say yes, as he was still horny.

”We have already tested the initial reaction from my formula. It must me documented.”

In answer, he trailed his tongue up her neck and nibbled on the side. Feeling her small frame shudder slightly she backtracked saying,

”However, upon reconsideration, it would be prudent to completely observe the effects until it has fully metabolized in your system.”

David smiled to himself, both happy and eager they would be having sex again. 

 “I wish to change position.” 

Slightly straightening herself, but still keeping David’s cock firmly within her, the Lich placed her hands on the plastic fold up table and extended her right leg fully up. He watched, amazed as she skillfully shifted her body around while still managing to keep his member inside. When she finished, Nelly was facing him, her legs wrapped around his mid section, and her arms around his neck. 

“Holy crap, how did you do that?!”

”My muscles do not constrain to that of the living.” 


Nelly’s vision bore into him as she answered in an almost annoyed tone, “I am very flexible.”


This time their fucking was slow and easy. With David simply holding on to the petite girls bottom, he was able to produce a steady rhythm as they stared into each other’s eyes. 

“C- can we kiss?” He asked awkwardly. It felt like such a stupid question after the fact that they already had sex and were on the second round. 

“Kissing is not necessary for this experience.” She replied coldly. 

Dejected, David couldn’t meet her eyes again as they continued. Maybe all this didn’t mean a thing to her? It was just for an experiment. 

“But,” She added, as he glanced up to see her face slightly colored, “I would like it very much if you did.” 

As their lips met, a feeling of love and tenderness blanketed over them. There was no rhyme or reason for them to be together yet in a strange way, they needed each other. 

For an unknown time the two were locked in the kiss, their bodies and instincts taking over, continuing their lovemaking until David’s body could bare no more.

”Nelly, I have to cum.” He mumbled to her after breaking the kiss. The Lich looked up at him through heavy-lidded undead eyes, knowing that she would experience again the bliss of his hot cum inside her. I. answer, Nelly lightly captured his lower lip in her mouth and sucked gently.

The added simulation proved too much as David ejaculated shot after shot into her already stuffed womb. For the first time, he saw the Lich’s face gasp in a smile at his spending. It was something he would never forget. 


David could feel Nelly snuggle against him as they laid atop a few moving blankets on the floor. He was pretty sure it was night out, but really didn’t care. What mattered was spending time with her. Sure she was kinda odd but being with her now that they were intimate just seemed to make him happy. Maybe it just took a good fucking to make things right between them. 

He had to admit though, it was strange to see the Lich acting so affectionate. He also finally got used to her not being as warm as he was. Oddly enough he found that didn’t mind it so much, plus with her being close, his own body heat had warmed her body up to a comfortable degree.  Still, despite the whole body temperature thing, there was something else on his mind. 

“Hey Nelly?” He asked softly.

She raised her head out of the crook of arm, her undead eyes staring into his own. There was a slight hint of a smile that he never could remember seeing before. 

”I just wanted to ask… Why me?”

She peered at him for a moment before replying, “You have potential yet you were not doing anything with it. If you were going to waste it, then I would make use of it.” 

David didn’t quite like the sound of that answer. It seemed so… cold?

”Is that the only reason why?”

Her expression softened slightly as she said, “You’re kind, patient and caring. It was something my mother told me to look for in a husband. It is something that I found to be wanting after being alone for so long. You embody what I seek, David. An ideal mate and an ideal subject for experiments.” 

“I’m not too sure how I feel about the second part, I mean-“

Nelly boldly and uncharacteristically rose up and passionately kissed him, silencing his misdoubt. 

“The experiments will revolve around sexual pleasure.” She added after finishing. 

“I’m… Good with that.” He mumbled, embarrassed. 

Settling back down and snuggling next to him, the two bathed in the mutual bliss that came from after mind-blowing sex. Maybe his path didn’t lie with a career school or moving up some corporate ladder but in the arms of an undead lover.


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3 thoughts on “Home Improver Stories: Flooring Problems

  1. The reference to TFT in a story on TFT, is this TFT-ception?
    I’m glad to see this serie back, I’m wondering now if I should actually read your other serie… But the beginning of it really didn’t make me want to continue. :/

    1. Yeah like I said it was a lost chapter… I originally planned to abandon it after thinking of the Milworks one, but I felt bad seeing it just sitting there a year later.

      As far as a TFT-ception, hey who knows. Maybe boss man Snowdrake is actually Leo Decaprio just using a proxy and voice changer.

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