Home Improver Shorts

Authors Note: These all take place … eh let’s just ball park it at a month or so after Electrical Situations. I’m kinda curious as to which character everyone likes and  I’m honestly too lazy to figure out how to do a poll so maybe if anyone’s reading this just comment below on who you like outta the Home Improver series of stories- male or female, don’t care.

PS, everyone welcome back Bob the lawyer, he’s been on vacation in Jamaica as he can afford to do so with what I pay him… From Bob the lawyer-  names, places, incidents are all fictional and used for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity is purely coincidental and unintended.



-Michelle introduces Kurt to online gaming – 

“Okay, so hit menu and that opens up all your options, ok?” Asked Michelle to Kurt as they each stared at their  laptops. 

“Uh, okay,” Kurt said as he squinted at the screen. Everything was so damn small and complicated in this game, how could anyone possibly enjoy this? He thought as he clicked the menu icon.

”Alright, I’m sending you a raid invite. We’re helping an old guild buddy of mine raid Deligores castle so he can get the dragon child’s teardrop to complete his epic 2.0 .” 

Kurt peered over at Michelle as she typed away at her keyboard. He had absolutely no idea what the hell she just said. He honestly wanted to ask but thought better of it. Michelle was really into these online games and she wanted to share it with him. He wanted to get into it, he really did, she was his girlfriend after all and he wanted to be a good boyfriend…

”Okay, raid invite sent.”

Looking at the screen a window popped up-

CockSlayer666 has invited you to join the raid do you accept?  

 Yes        No

What the hell?

”Uh, Michelle are you… CockSlayer666?” He asked squinting at the screen. 

“Yeah, why?”

”What the hell kind of name is that?!” 

”What? It’s a badass name. It’s my old gamer handle from before I Alped. I decided to keep it rolling with it.”

”Fine,” Kurt sighed as he clicked the Yes button. 

“Put on your headphones, we’re already linked to GroupSpeak.” She said as she slipped hers over her ears.

As Kurt did, he was assaulted by half a dozen different conversations going on at the same time. Finally a louder, angrier voice fought its way to be overheard,

”Alright faggots, we got a couple new peeps in the raid! My boy Cockslayer and some n00b friend of his called CountryBoy.”

Looking over to Michelle, Kurt gingerly covered the microphone with his massive hand and whispered,

“He doesn’t know you’re a ‘She’ now?” 

“I use a voice distorter…” Michelle admitted, blushing slightly while covering her own microphone. 

“Oh,” Kurt mouthed as he took he lowered his hand. 

“Alight bitches we’re heading in get ready for incoming mobs!” 

Wait, what was a mob again? Kurt thought hectically. All of a sudden, his screen was flashing red as a poorly pixellated version of a reptile monster crowded his vision. Panicking, Kurt swung his character out-of-the-way and ran away from the attacking monster. Trying to flee, Kurt turned his character through the stone archway of the castle and down it’s hall. He made good headway until he ended up being surrounded and killed by 20 more monsters. 

After killing him, the monsters turned and ran the way Kurt had retreated from. Over the headphones he heard shouting,

”Where the fuck did the n00b run off to? Holy shit there’s 20 more mobs! Abort! Abort!” 

Kurt leaned over to peek at Michelle’s screen. Yep that was a lot of dead bodies… 

“You stupid dumb mother fucking retard n00b! You wiped the raid!”

Kurt took off the headphones as the insults continued to rain. He peered down in shame and embarrassment at the keyboard. He tried, he really did. Just he panicked and didn’t know what to do. This whole thing was so strange and alien to him. He hoped that Michelle wasn’t too mad at him…

Peering over, he saw she was getting red with rage. Kurt got even more depressed as he waited for her to go off on him.

”Fuck you! Don’t you dare call my man names, you fucking faggot! You know what? Fuck you and your stupid raid, I’m going to go do my own raid!” She screamed into the microphone as she tore off her head set and slammed it to the floor.  

 Kurt watched in shock as she grabbed her laptop and threw it into the sofa. Walking over to him she ripped the laptop out of his hands and did the same.

“I’m sorry…” He said quietly.

Taking him by the arm she pulled him up and pushed him towards their shared bedroom. 

“Don’t be, cuz I’ve got something much better for both of us to play. ” She said as she unbuttoned his pants and fished out his penis. 

“This is called a Cock Raid.” She said as she knelt down and took him in her mouth.” 

“I like this a hell of a lot better,” He groaned as he shut the door.


-Lucy’s first day at middle school- 

The school bell rang as the call to go to first period class. It was Lucy’s first day of Middle school and she was very excited. New school, new family with amazing big sisters, everything was so much better in her life now. She was walking the halls, searching for her Home Room when trio of older upperclassmen – a Lamia, Minotaur and Jinko blocked her way.

“Ah first day of school, and some fresh, fucking meat. Look at this, a lost stupid little human girl.” The Lamia said as the other two flanked her. 

“Hi, I’m Lucy!” She said with a timid smile. Inside she was afraid, but she always had positive experiences with Mamono. Maybe they were just playing around?

”I don’t give a fuck. Give me your lunch money or my girls will make sure your first day of school will be your last.”  She threatened. 

“I…I don’t have any lunch money, I -I brought m-my lunch…” 

“Then give me your lunch and if I don’t see some money tomorrow, you’ll have a very bad day. Got it?” 

Lucy nodded quickly and took her lunch out of her backpack to give to the bully. 

Grabbing it and tossing the brown paper bag to the Minotaur,  she sneered at the little girl.

“Get the fuck outta here humie, and remember money tomorrow or bad things.” The Lamia threatened, barring her fangs.

Lucy ran away crying, as the bullies laughed at her. Later, after the bell rang again, the trio were hanging out in the girls bathroom checking their makeup and gossiping. 

“Did you see Johnny today? Fuck, that guys a hunk” the Jinko said as she reapplied some mascara. 

“Oh fuck yeah, I’d shoot his ass up with some of my venom.” Said the Lamia as she puckered her lips in the mirror. 

“Maybe you should slip some to that little humie girl we hit up earlier…Teacher my pussy feels all tingly,” Mocked the Minotaur in a strained girly voice. The other two laughed loudly at the thought of Lucy masturbating in front of the class. 

Suddenly, the bathroom door flew open. In its frame stood a little girl in a black frilly dress. The girl walked forward and kicked the door closed behind her. 

The three stared at her until the Lamia broke the silence when she recognized what the girl was.

“Da fuck? We don’t have any Living Dolls in this school.” 

You’re right… You don’t” Jenny said dangerously as she slowly walked towards them. 

The Lamia gestured to the Jinko then to the Living Doll. Grinning while cracking her knuckles, the tiger girl walked over to the doll and took a swing. Jenny easily dodged the sloppy punch then spun around to deliver a devastating roundhouse kick to the side of the Jinko’s head. The tiger girl was slammed to wall then dropped unconscious to the floor.

”You see I’m the big sister of that girl you took the lunch from…” 

The Minotaur rushed forward to grab the doll but was surprised when she ducked below. Looking down, the last thing the bull saw was Jenny’s fist upper cutting her. As head shot up, Jenny jumped to grab it and slam her down though the nearby porcelain sink. The Minotaur did not get back up. 

The Lamia bully quaked in fear as the doll finally reached her. Jenny pulled her down by the shirt to her level and shoved her face close as she said in a low deadly tone, 

“Let’s set some ground rules. You’re going to go apologize to Lucy, then you’re going to buy her lunch. Then you and your skanks are going to leave her alone. If I find out that you or your little friends are even looking at her funny then I will personally pull out your fangs as slowly and painfully as I can and wear them as my new earrings. Of course that’s after I break every single bone in your body. Got it?” She asked as her pupils glowed faintly red. 

The Lamia nodded quickly, her whole body shaking in terror. A sound of streaming liquid caused both to look down. It seemed that the Lamia had a weak  bladder. Looking back up at each other, the doll leaned back and head butted the snake girl. The Lamia fell to the floor, unconscious, in a puddle of her own urine. 

Walking over to the remaining intact sink, Jenny washed her hands as she spoke to the prone girls on the floor,

”Sorry I had to be so rough on you ladies but I know in school, you’ve really got to get the pecking order down early.” She said conversationally as she finished and pulled some paper towels out to dry her hands

“I’m glad we had the chance to talk this over in a civilized fashion.”  

Jenny threw the crumpled up wet paper on the body of the Jinko as she strolled out of the bathroom.  

From that day on, no one dared to bully Lucy again. 


-Karem and Edward take the kids out to dinner-

Edward and Karem both sighed tiredly as they sat together in the booth of Charlotte e Cheese’s. Stacy and Sabrina were running around with the other kids enjoying the games and mini rides of the mouse themed kids restaurant. Edward grabbed a slice of the questionable pizza in front of him and took a bite. Making a face he spit it out in a napkin and asked,

”How much was this again?” 

“40 bucks but the girls get 30 game tokens.” She said as she checked her phone. 

“Well, as long as it tires them out, I guess.” He conceded as he slipped an arm around her waist. Karem laid her head on his shoulder as they cuddled in the booth together. Taking his hand in hers they enjoyed each other’s company as the chaos of Human and Mamono children playing flowed around them. 

Humming in thought, Karem extended her finger out,  and sent out a jolt to his groin causing him to harden instantly. 

“What are you doing?!” He whispered frantically.

“Just having some fun.” She whispered back seductively. 

“We’re surrounded by people!” 

“Mmm that’s what makes it so much fun.”  She grinned as she adjusted her power and jolted him again and again. She could see his hardness bob through his pants with every hit. 

“Karem…” He moaned softly as she teased him. 

Grabbing a napkin, she snaked it down to his crouch and nimbly unzipped him, allowing his erection to spring free. Before Edward could protest further, she threw her red fuzzy sweater over his lap, hiding his lust. Crawling her hand back under the sweater, Karem continued the electrical teasing of her husband. 

Edward gripped Karem’s side harder and harder as he neared orgasm, until finally he could take it no longer.  Shooting wad after wad of cum into the strategically placed napkin, he fought to keep from moaning aloud. 

Breathing heavily, he kissed her cheek roughly and growled, 

”I’ll get you back tonight for that, I promise.” 

“Can’t wait,” She replied huskily, while taking his spendings from the napkin and put it on her slice of pizza. 

Edward watched, mesmerized as she took a large bite of it, now with the additional topping. Chewing loudly, she swallowed and with a large smile said,

”You know, this pizza just got a million times better!” 


-Adams a little tired –

Regina watched as Adam pushed the cart of plants slowly and painfully down the aisle of outside garden to be stocked. 

“Sugar, your movin slower than a one-legged snail, what’s wrong?” 

“It’s the girls, Regina,” He said tiredly, “ever since they both got pregnant, I can hardly keep up!” 

He took out his phone and showed the Alraune his text messages-


-Um Adam, do you think you could come home early? We really need you…  Love you. 



– Tell Regina that you’re  eaving early and get your ass back home to fuck us! I need your dick and I won’t wait another 4 hours to have it!

PS I love you… 


“I see…” Regina said slowly. 

“Monica’s still the same just a little more needy, but Megan! She’s gotten so aggressive! I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy or what, but she’s pretty much told me that I should be between her legs half the time and between Monica’s the other half and screw everything else. I’m sleeping for like 2 hours every night… I don’t think I can last much longer…” 

“Hmmm…” the Alraune said in thought, “Well I could give you these, Sugar, but only take it them when you really need some energy, alright?” 

She handed Adam a small clothe sack filled with dried leaves. 

“They won’t taste good, but I promise they’ll keep you goin. Now this is just ta get you up over this hump, hear me?  Get your derrière home right away, don’t keep them girls waiting!” 

Adam took the sack and nodded quickly before giving her a hug goodbye.

As Regina watched him leave, Angel came round the corner to stand next to her. Together they stared out into the distance before Angel finally spoke,

”Did you just give him what I think you gave him?” She asked, arms crossed. 

“And what do you think I gave him, Sugar?”  Regina asked sweetly in her thick, south Georgia accent.

”…Something illegal.” 

“Why Angel, heavens above, you wound me by that accusation!” She said in mock indignation. 

Shooting a glare at the plantgirl, Angel shook her head and walked back inside the store. 

Watching the succubus leave, Regina let out a self-satisfied smirk. Anything for her flowers…



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