Daily Life With A Lilim Christmas Special Part 1

~That Time Of The Year~

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year♪” hummed an excited Ezraphel as she flitted about the kitchen.

It was a cool morning in the first week of December and if it wasn’t already obvious Ezraphel was in a decidedly festive mood and part of the reason for this being that Christmas was just around the metaphorical corner. Christmas, as it turned out shared similarities with a certain winter festival on Eos. This festival was originally celebrated by the worshippers of the Chief God but was appropriated by Mamono following the ‘acquisition’ of several human kingdoms whose newly corrupted populace chose to celebrate it in spirit.

Having travelled to many places experiencing many cultures and therefore taking part in many celebrations there weren’t many festivals that Ezraphel can celebrate outside the region where it was born. This particular winter festival however was one that was created by the church of the Chief God itself and its celebration was heralded as a religious holiday granting it popularity in the vast majority of settlements that had the Chief Gods church as the state religion.

At that specific time of the year Ezraphel literally could not escape this festival unless she spent her time exclusively outside the area with the largest congregation of humans dubbed colloquially as the ‘Order Continent’ which was not impossible but certainly not something she would seriously consider. Besides, she actually loved the festival for all that it has become synonymous with the Holy Order and especially the current Chief God it actually predates her reign according to mamono scholars. In fact as she found out during her visit to Al Mar the festival was actually made to honor the original Chief God.

Even then Ezraphel would also like to imagine with how much the current Chief God hates Mamono it must really rankle her to be ‘worshipped’ by the very creatures she despised. As a tactic it was brilliant and Ezraphel was all for it even if she would never buy into the religion she would never pass up the opportunity to mock the being responsible for propagating a senseless cycle of war and violence.

The Lilim paused and took a deep breath ‘I think that’s enough thoughts on Her.’

The Chief God did not exist in this world and while ‘Christianity’ can be considered a facsimile of the light goddess there were marked differences. Not that the religion itself seemed to hold much sway with the majority of earth’s population…despite having practitioners numbering in the billions. Just imagining that many people worshipping the current Chief God made the Lilim audibly shudder.

Yet despite undoubtedly being the most popular religion in the world most of humanity are not Christians. In fact in recent times there seems to be a counter-religious movement amongst the younger generation with the rise of atheism though that in itself was a whole other rabbit hole she did not want to go back into.

Ezraphel turned away from these thoughts as the tell tale signs of her Stanley trudging down the stairs reached her ears.

“Good morning Stanley~”

“Hrm” grumbled the man as he sat at the table.

She could hear the tiredness in his tone and couldn’t help but smile to herself. The two of them spent what amounted to several days indulging in each other’s body. Though they both ended up exhausting the other Ezraphel was quicker to recover due to being able to actively convert the Spirit Energy received back into her reserves of strength and stamina. This should be the case every time however in some cases the overstimulation would render her catatonic leading to her Stanley recovering before she did.

This was not one of those times.

“Why are you so happy?” he grumbled easily picking up on her mood.

“Aren’t I always happy after our shared time together?” she asked back teasingly.

“Yeah” he conceded “but this isn’t the ‘we just had sex’ type happy, this is something else.”

“I didn’t know there was a difference.”

“There is with you.”

Ezraphel’s translation: “you’re the only person I care enough about to pick up on your emotions.”

“Aww~” the Lilim blushed “I love you Stanley.”

“Whatever.”

Ezraphel’s translation: “I love you too.”

“As for why I am so happy, do you know what time of the year it is?”

“…” Stanley gave her a look.

Ezraphel’s Translation: “woman I am barely awake. What makes you think I know something like that?”

Yet despite this response Ezraphel could feel something off with it, with him. She almost squinted at him but instead carried along as if nothing was wrong.

Clearing her throat she spoke with a giggle “I’ll give you a hint~”

Accompanying her words she pointed up and Stanley eyes followed in the direction of her finger to find a piece of plant wrapped in a red bow floating just above his head. Stanley stared at it for about half a second and during that time his sleepy indifference morphed into confusion then dawning realization before his eyes squinted into irritation.

“Oh. Fuck. Me.”

“Is that an invitation?” Ezraphel’s low husky voice purred into his ear with a puff of warm breath.

Despite her sudden appearance literally next to him Stanley was not startled. Instead his brows furrowed as he turned his head to glare at his girlfriend who was bent over to be on his level. Ezraphel for her part was unfazed by his glare as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“If you insist on continuing our tryst then I will happily oblige.”

To that she used magic to slide the chair he sat on from the table and repositioned herself to sit horizontally on his lap.

Cupping his face gently in her hands while staring lovingly in his still glaring eyes she continued “however, I will settle for a kiss instead.”

As she went in for it she was suddenly halted by Stanley palm “hold up.”

“Hm?” she hummed inquisitively at the interruption “what is it?”

“Can we not do any of those holiday airsoft specials this time around? The Halloween one was way too long and for some reason feels unfinished.”

Ezraphel blinked at his words and the serious expression he delivered it with.

“Well I wasn’t planning on doing that this time~”

And upon saying that she gently lowered his hand to her chest which he absently plamed and gave a light squeeze.

Perfect~

“It’s just going to be you and me with no distractions~” she purred with a devilish smile and naturally smokey eyes.

He held her gaze for a long moment before nodding “proceed-hmph!”

Later…

After breakfast Stanley retreated to his office and out of habit booted up his PC yet his mind was far from work or play.

“So it’s that time of the year again.”

Despite the words Stanley’s tone lacked the usual vitriol accompanying such a sentence. He already knew this day would come eventually and didn’t hold any hope of being able to gaslight Ezraphel into missing it. Christmas was among the few holidays that Stanley was cognizant of. It helped that it was literally the only holiday he could never ignore even as an anti-social shut-in.

‘Why did I even bother playing dumb?’ he genuinely wondered to himself.

He already knew the reason why. Because they’ve had that conversation before where she would ask what day it was and he would be oblivious and she would reveal it to get a reaction. He would frown and complain while she would feel some satisfaction and from there shenanigans would occur almost like a sitcom. That was their ‘routine’ and if he was being honest he didn’t really mind it, in fact he was always at least a little curious as to what her reaction to his reaction would be. A long makeout session is one of the more middling responses, a compromise that didn’t end up with him blowing her back out on the dinner table…again.

Shaking his head of thoughts of sex and the twitch of his dick at said thoughts despite just coming out of a sex marathon only a few hours ago Stanley’s mind went back to the situation at hand.

When you think about Christmas you think about people going out with friends, spending time with family, giving and receiving gifts, celebrating cultural or religious festivals and generally spreading cheer and happiness. Now look at Stanley an antisocial hermit content with being alone with all his irl friends scattered across the country and being on the outs with most of his family. By all accounts he should hate Christmas and generally speaking it’s hard for him to like a holiday whose values and traditions seem to be the antithesis of his existence.

Miraculously despite its best efforts and Stanley’s attitude leaning towards enmity he didn’t actually hate Christmas. At the same time he couldn’t say that the holiday has been good to him in the recent years. For example in contrast to him his sister loved Christmas and once upon a time actually went out of her way to instill some of that mythical Christmas spirit in him. Her latest idea of doing that involved forcing him to go out of the house to attend a Christmas. One can imagine how well that worked out but at least he can say there wasn’t a dramatic (or traumatic) series of events that added to his already infinitesimally small tolerance for parties.

To make a long story short Stanley ended up sequestering himself in a corner watching everyone else going about their business literally becoming the real life representation of that one meme with the wojack standing in the corner with a cup of eggnog mentally complaining about everything and wishing he was home playing videogames. The only reason he even stuck around till the end was because unlike him his sister actually wanted to be there surrounded by other people and generally had a good time. At least he assumed so because she got drunk off the booze-nog forcing him to become the designated driver and ferry her home.

At least he knew why she didn’t put up a fight when he insisted on using his car to go to the party instead of hers.

Bitch threw up in his car on the way home, twice.

Never. Again.

Anyway if one were to describe Stanley’s stance on Christmas in a single word then it would be…ambivalence. At worst he was annoyed by some of the antics surrounding the holiday such as the sanctimonious bullshit but at the same time he can appreciate the heavy commercialization of it.

Yeah that’s right Stanley liked the commercialization of Christmas.

The decorations may be bright, gaudy, overboard in some cases and he’d never do it of his own volition but they look great, are eye catching and pleasing to his sensibilities.

The radio might be blasting holiday jingles 24/7 especially a specific one but he fucking loved Mariah Carey’s music anyway.

Streaming services might be pushing ads for garbage cash grab holiday movies but it’s easy to disregard those for the actual good shit: Home Alone 1&2, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey version), Jingle All The Way, The Nightmare Before Christmas, A Christmas Story and Die Hard.

Yes Die Hard is a Christmas movie and he will fight anyone who dare say otherwise.

Then there are the special deals, bundles and discounts for online purchases by corporations looking to take advantage of the literal millions of people desperate to buy gifts for friends and family.

And let’s not even go into the Christmas themed videogame promos and holiday events.

It was a peculiar thing, this balance Christmas managed to create and maintain as it relates to Stanley but one that he didn’t mind at all.

Now that balance was being ‘threatened’ by Ezraphel’s presence tipping the scales. Beyond her just keeping him company she was fully prepared to drag him literally kicking and screaming into actually celebrating Christmas.

And as if to make his case in point the Lilim appeared behind him with a shout of “Stanley!”

Stanley startled immediately turning towards the intruder ready to go on a venomous tirade but hesitated due to the stricken expression on her beautiful face.

“We have a problem!”

The urgency of her voice had his pulse racing for a moment “what is it?”

“We don’t have any Christmas decorations!” she exclaimed in that same urgent tone that for some (obvious) reason now seemed melodramatic.

If this were an anime he would have face faulted instead he simply gave her a bland glare.

“So?”

“So!?” she exclaimed loudly and overdramatically “we can’t celebrate without decorations…and a tree!”

“And?”

“Stanley this is serious!” she exclaimed while stamping her foot in indignation.

“Ez” he began patiently.

“Yes?”

“You have magic.”

“So?”

‘So!?’

In contrast to his mental exclamation he calmly continued “magic up some decorations and a tree.”

“…no.”

Naturally her answer surprised him “what?”

The Lilim folded her arms with a resolute expression “I said no, I won’t use my magic for this.”

This would be the point where Stanley would shrug and accept her decision while deliberately turning back to his computer to signal his lack of interest in the situation itself. Yet taking the time to look beyond his indifference and into his girlfriend’s interest in the situation he found himself…curious.

And so with a mental deep breath he spoke “I feel compelled to ask why you won’t use magic for this.”

Ezraphel blinked, clearly she expected the initial reaction he entertained but nonetheless she wasn’t complaining about his consideration.

“Well I thought it would be a good idea for us to make a day out of it.”

“You mean like another date?”

“More of a couple’s outing.”

‘Yeah because there’s a difference’ he wanted to roll his eyes at the semantics.

Still he thought about her words for a long moment and became very suspicious.

‘Something doesn’t add up.’

Something about this situation was fishy and Stanley not being the type of man to beat around the bush immediately confronted her about his suspicions.

“What aren’t you telling me Ez?”

He saw it. It was only for a split second but he saw the moment her shoulders stiffen and felt a flash of panic through their bond.

“W-what do you mean? I’m not hiding anything.”

You know all things considered Ezraphel wasn’t a terrible liar but much like she could see through most of his actions and read him like an open book it went both ways. It also helped that weeks of being able to sus out magical shenanigans through their bond and put her under extra scrutiny in the past meant that more often than not she would eschew trying to use magic to shield her emotions from him when he’s confronting her directly like this.

Now his eyes narrowed in the usual glare of his that conveyed “cut the bullshit.”

He didn’t even need to say anything merely watching as she initially stood her ground before squirming under his scrutiny.

“Okay fine!” she eventually yelled “I’ll tell you the truth.”

He did not smirk in satisfaction though he did radiate a bit of it as he leaned back in his game chair.

“Proceed” he ordered and she conjured her own chair to sit on as she began to explain.

Turns out this was about her Halloween decorations and almost immediately Stanley found himself cringing a little. See initially Ezraphel came to him with the idea of decorating the house for Halloween because she saw some of her neighbors were doing it. For his part Stanley only did the bare minimum with an old electric jack-o-lantern. Deep down he’d like to do more but general laziness stopped him from doing this.

He figured why not but knowing better than to leave the Lilim unsupervised when it came to ideas of public displays he made the ultimatum that he had to approve of whatever she would use as decorations. Stanley only realized that he underestimated how much she wanted to do this when she came at him with a full on presentation which included a scale model mock up of the house.

What followed was the two of them in the living room going through decoration ideas that truly tested his mental fortitude. If it wasn’t for the fact that Ezraphel was genuinely excited about it and whatever she went with would be viewed by the entire neighborhood he would have clocked out long before they reached an amicable conclusion. In the end he lost three whole hours that he wasn’t going to get back but in exchange he received a happy girlfriend who then gave him a Happy Ending so it all balanced out.

As far as he knew the decorations were well received and if nothing else the novelty of seeing more than an old jack-o-lantern out front garnered much approval from the neighbors. Ezraphel said as much though she also added that the decorations also got the attention of the Desperate Housewives Club.

Now that wasn’t their name, they didn’t really have an official name but the name fit nonetheless. Just imagine a collective of married middle age women in the neighborhood who’ve basically been allowed carte blanche of all the minutiae of a neighborhood as well as involve themselves in all the drama and bullshit as well. From organizing community events to running the neighborhood group chat and running what is essentially an information network the DHC have their hands in basically everything in regards to the neighborhood.

Ezraphel had already been acquainted with them and even had infrequent conversations with them but this was the first time she got involved with one of their competitions. It wasn’t necessarily something official so much as it was a ‘friendly’ competition. Yeah turns out the reason behind why the houses on his street had those eye catching Christmas decorations he secretly admired were the DHC members competing against each other in a vanity competition.

Does that diminish the admittedly impressive work they did on those decorations?

Objectively? No.

Personally? Yes.

And now Ezraphel was on their radar trying to suck her into their orbit more than she already was. He didn’t like it and he told her as much but the thing about that was-

“But I want to do it” she stated without the tiniest hint of hesitance and completely straight face.

‘Fuck me.’

She had that determinedly stubborn look that let him know there wasn’t anything he could reasonably say to dissuade her without seeming like a hypocrite since he wanted her to socialize and make friends without him.

So with that in mind Stanley decided not to even try convincing.

“Whelp good luck with that” he stated before turning away to face his computer.

He didn’t even get to do anything before his chair was forcibly swiveled to an Ezraphel who was looming over him. She had bent forward holding the chair’s armrests with her hands practically boxing him in. Despite her cleavage being right there he was more focused on her expression which was uncharacteristically stern.

“Stanley you will help me with this.”

‘Fuck me sideways.’

Now he was finding reasons to hate Christmas.

~Holiday Preparations~

Despite the intensity of her gaze as well as her no nonsense tone that would have thrown him for a loop in most situations Stanley was unfazed by it. He was so unfazed that he actually took the time hum and look away as if considering her request.

“Hmm, let me think about tha-NO” he very deliberately cut himself off and scowled at her.

“Why not?”

“I think the better question is why do you need my help? Not like you needed it last time.”

At this Ezraphel expression pinched “it would seem that my taste in decorations were a bit too…eclectic for local tastes.”

Stanley’s scowl gained a hint of confusion and curiosity “I didn’t hear anyone complaining.”

Stanley didn’t pay much attention to neighborhood gossip but Ezraphel doing something that would be put under public scrutiny is one of the few times where he actively tried to get a read on public sentiment. You’d think he’d be bad at it but Incubus charisma mixed with the observational skills of a loner is a hell of a thing. As far as he knew no one had anything disparaging to say about her choice in Halloween décor.

If anything they were curious about where she even got them…from…

“Oh” his eyes widened “how bad was it?”

At his question Ezraphel leaned away to stand up while adding “they asked a lot of questions about where I bought the decorations, what brands they were and how I managed to put them up in some cases.”

Stanley cursed that was an oversight but in his defense a lot of Ezraphel decoration ideas for Halloween came from a similar festival on Eos. There were a lot of outlandish imagery in those decorations that he had to wade through and Ezraphel was hell bent on putting up some of those. He only really chose the least outlandish of the bunch and had her redo the lewd imagery into something more age appropriate.

He didn’t do anything about the designs itself because he didn’t think anyone would care enough to scrutinize the damn things. He certainly didn’t think too much of them beyond being a passing fancy let alone the logistics behind where they came from and how they were placed. It only now occurred to him that he was the last person who should be making decisions on design.

“Okay” he calmed himself down “what did you tell them?”

“I told them that I designed the decorations myself.”

Stanley opened his mouth on reflex but words failed him because the excuse she used didn’t have any far reaching consequences or he would have heard something. So either it worked out or she used magic to obfuscate things something he had mixed feelings about in this scenario. On the one hand he didn’t like her messing with people’s heads but on the other hand he didn’t really like those nosey stuck up bitches.

“Is that a good thing or nah?”

Ezraphel shrugged “I didn’t use my magic to fool them.”

“Cool” he replied indifferently.

“But now I have somewhat of a reputation for being a design hobbyist.”

“Okay?” he said now a bit unsure.

“It works out because I am an actual hobbyist!”

“…so basically you have everything under control.”

“Yep.”

“Then why do you need me to go shopping with you for Christmas decorations?”

“And a tree” she reminded.

Stanley did not deign that with a retort merely folding his arms with a furrowed brow.

“Well some of their questions were very pointed on where I got the materials for the decorations.”

“Ah, so you figure buying actual decorations would give you plausible deniability?”

“Yes.”

“And you need to be seen buying them because they have eyes on our house.”

That gave Ezraphel pause as she turned her head a bit while maintaining eye contact “yes? Do you believe they are spying on us?”

“I believe they are nosy busybodies whose have an almost insatiable need to stick their nose in people’s businass.”

Ezraphel had a look of consideration as she mulled over his words “I see.”

Stanley couldn’t help but pinch the bridge of his nose “uuuggh this is some bullshiiiit” he groaned out slowly.

“It’s not so bad. All we need to do is go buy some decorations and a tree.”

Stanley maintained his position for a long moment not even deigning to look at her. The way how she said it did make it seem simple but as a wise man once narrated “whenever someone says ‘all you have to do is…’ the next thing they say is always something impossible.”

In Ezraphel’s case…

“You want us to buy Christmas decorations that would help you compete with the desperate housewives?”

“…desperate housewives?”

“Do you have any idea how much money that shit’s going to cost?” he asked ignoring her words.

Because he’s actually seen the shit they use for decorations on any given holiday or event and it’s ridiculous.

‘Now that I’m thinking about it, the stuff Ezraphel used also looked like some needlessly expensive shit I would never consider spending for something like a fucking decoration.’

He’ll need to watch out for that in the future. Whatever Ezraphel puts out into the world via magic for everyone to see has to reflect their budget. Stanley saved up a lot incidentally due to his mostly frugal lifestyle choices to the point where his current life was basically akin to retirement. Most of his current revenue stems from passive income earned through several ventures he set up years ago that have only recently started paying off.

Making YouTube videos and doing the occasional live stream are more hobbies nowadays and the last thing he wanted was to end up in a place financially where he has to put serious consideration into those things as a career choice. He’s seen where that usually ends up and he was not a fan. He’s done the work, made his mark and achieved legendary status in the online community he did not need to make moves to compete with the next generation.

The thought of doing that was horrifying and the fact that he’s talking about this as if he’s one of those older celebrities instead of a guy in his mid twenties should really tell you how things are in the online space nowadays.

“Stanley!”

The man startled out of his thoughts looking to the Lilim surprised “what?”

Ezraphel looked concerned as she regarded him “are you alright?”

Blinking Stanley shook his head “yeah I’m…fine…”

She didn’t believe him but knew this was one of those times where pressing wouldn’t get her anywhere so she reached out and grasped his hand. The contact did grant him some relief though he shifted nonetheless as it basically exposed his mortification towards his previous thoughts.

Using her thumb to rub the knuckles of his fingers Ezraphel spoke in a soothing tone “about the shopping trip, we won’t be getting anything expensive just the basic Christmas decoration necessities.”

“Won’t work, they have the department store on lock.”

At this she grinned “that would be the case if we were going their.”

“So what you want to go into the city?”

He was not very enthused by that idea and sensing this Ezraphel continued “no, I’ve already thought of what we’re getting and where we’re getting it and I even made sure to calculate the costs.”

With a snap of her fingers her laptop appeared and Stanley was greeted to several open tabs displaying an Amazon shopping cart filled with various Christmas decorations.

“Whoa…”

To say Stanley was surprised would be an understatement. Ezraphel didn’t use online services often, at least not of her own volition and certainly not without supervision. So to see her have this set up in such a way was very unexpected but he didn’t let his surprise prevent him from perusing the products she wanted to get just in case.

In the end he could he could only admit out loud “this isn’t bad actually.”

There were lights, ornaments, porch signs, garlands, window clings and so on. The cost of everything when factoring the holiday discounts came well within the realms of what he’d allow Ezraphel to get away with.

For her part Ezraphel scoffed even as she preened “your lack of confidence in me is noted Stanley.”

“Oh don’t even start” he glared before looking back at the laptop “much as I’m impressed with what you got here I don’t think you’re going to win the competition with this.”

The Lilim blinked “I didn’t think you would care if I won or not.”

Stanley opened his mouth to deny it but paused “do you get something if you win or is it just bragging rights?”

“I don’t believe it is an official competition.”

Stanley hummed to himself as he considered things before looking at her “personally I don’t care but this isn’t about me. What do you want Ez.”

“I want to crush them~”

Whoa!

Stanley leaned back a bit as he felt her mana spike with the last two words as if to emphasize them in a rather threatening way.

“Hm-Hm” Stanley nodded twice before audibly smacking his lips once and asking the most pertinent question of “why?”

“They made passive aggressive disparaging remarks about you as well as implied that I am a loose woman stringing you along for your wealth.”

‘Oh shit they called her gold digger’ thought Stanley.

“I am not surprised by that.”

Stanley has history with the women of the desperate housewives club. See the neighborhood among other things is primarily composed of middle class residents. Married couples most of who are in their mid to late forties and have at least one kid to their name. Stanley is the youngest home owner on the block and by all accounts is the first example of a self made millennial who acquired his wealth primarily through online means they’ve ever seen.

Combine this fact with his prickly personality and nature as a shut in and it wouldn’t surprise you to know that he didn’t make a great impression with his neighbors. At best they think he’s a trust fund kid or someone who inherited wealth from a dead relative and at worst they think he’s some kind of criminal or affiliated with them. In either case he’s just some rich shady kid bumming around the neighborhood.

He can thank the DHC for spreading those rumors which he learned about from their private chat messages. How he managed to gain access to their private messages is actually a funny story but becomes no so funny when you realize a bunch of privileged middle age bitches have been slandering him behind his back and all for the simple act of keeping to himself and not engaging in any of their bullshit.

So no, he wasn’t surprised that they were talking shit to Ezraphel behind his back.

“I’m surprised you’re still willing to be friends with them.”

At this Ezraphel sighed “while I am loathed to associate with anyone who badmouths you I figured that much of their misgivings stem from ignorance.”

Then she gave him a pointed look…that had absolutely no effect on him because yeah he didn’t associate with them so they didn’t know anything about him which meant that everything they knew about him came from their own imagination.

He sees what she’s doing though. She wants to elevate his reputation in their eyes and to that he could only shake his head.

“It’s not worth it.”

“You will always be worth it Stanley” she said seriously while leaning her face forward a bit his personal space.

“O-oh.”

*Ba-dump*

[Did our heart just skip a beat?]

{That is precious}

‘Shut. The Fuck. Up.’

Swallowing a little Stanley clarified “I meant with them. They’re not worth it.”

“Oh I wouldn’t say that. I actually find them to be quite wise and insightful.”

“Bullshit” he retorted immediately.

“They may not be agreeable but they are still women who have been married with children for many years.”

Well that makes more sense.

‘Wait a minute.’

“You’re taking advice from them!?”

“Of course.”

He did not like the sound of that.

“What did they say?”

“I refuse to answer that” and as his scowl deepened she continued “now don’t you start Stanley. I’m free to choose whoever I make friendships with” then she paused and her expression softened “but if it’s any consolation they no longer hold any negative opinions about you.”

“I don’t care what they think” was what he almost blurted out reflexively but held back and instead nodded.

“Fine.”

“So about those decorations…”

“Yeah, yeah I’m paying for them now.”

“Are they going to be delivered today?”

“Yeah, it’s same-day delivery.”

Once he was done he found himself enveloped in the warm softness that was Ezraphel’s cleavage “thank you Stanley” she chirped kissing him on the cheek.

“Yeah-yeah” he grumbled weakly but secretly enjoying the close contact.

“How long do we have until it’s delivered?”

“Probably until the evening.”

“Then we have time to go out looking for a tree.”

Stanley blinked “uh, what?”

“A tree Stanley” Ezraphel repeated.

“Didn’t we order one?” he took up the laptop scanning through the stuff Ezraphel put on the cart only to realize that the Christmas tree was missing.

Suddenly the laptop lowered to reveal Ezraphel stern half lidded gaze “I meant a real tree Stanley.”

“A real tree.”

“Yes, a real Christmas tree.”

“Where the hell are we supposed to find that?”

At this the Lilim grinned “no worries, I’ve taken the liberty of finding a place.”

Then she closed the Amazon window to reveal the website of a lace called Nick’s Tree Farm. As the name suggests, it’s a place that farms trees and scrolling through their website he saw that they sold ‘actual’ Christmas trees.

“…huh”

Once again Stanley found himself a little lost for words as he looked between the website and Ezraphel whose expression of smug anticipation just screamed “praise me!”

“Looks like you have things all figured out. Um g-good job” he reached out and patted her head almost like one would a pet, a comparison that wasn’t lost on him as he saw her tail start wagging when he started to petting her head.

Even he was a bit weirded out by this.

Still credit to where credit is due she did do good work in sourcing the decorations and finding a tree. But as much as he would love to maintain this good atmosphere as a natural pessimist he couldn’t help but some issues. He went to speak about said issues only to make the mistake of meeting her eyes. This forced him to clam up, take a step back and ponder his misgivings.

He’s always lived by the rule that when something seems too good to be true it usually meant that it is. Yet the complaints that he was prepared to hit her with seemed so…superfluous in hindsight.

Why get a real tree instead of a fake one?

Ezraphel already expressed her discomfort for life-like constructs of natural things. Due to her extrasensory abilities able to pick up life signs she found things like for example fake plants to be uncanny to her sensibilities and just in general. A close comparison would be like looking at one of those androids trying to copy human features but not quite getting it right resulting in the uncanny valley phenomenon.

What about the price of the tree?

The tree might be more expensive but he can definitely afford it as a onetime purchase.

What about maintaining and storing the tree after Christmas?

Ezraphel has fucking magic and their house is literally filled with pocket dimensions that can be customized in any way she wants.

As for the Christmas decorations he already had reasons for allowing that which wraps back around to why he wasn’t pushing back against this as much as he could. This was Ezraphel’s first Christmas and he actually wanted her to enjoy herself as much as she could. Hell just for this month he might even let her actually indulge herself…not that he would even hint at something like that lest she overindulge herself.

Also fuck it, he wanted her to win that damn competition too so with that in mind…

“I guess I’ve got nothing to complain about, let’s do this.”

Ezraphel gasped “really?”

“Yeah” he answered rolling his eyes.

“Really, really?”

Now his brow furrowed “yes.”

“Really, really, really?”

Hopping out of his chair he put down the laptop “get your phat ass in the car Ez.”

“Kay” she grinned and teleported away and he found the laptop missing as well.

Once again rolling his eyes he set his computer to sleep and turned off the A/C but before leaving he suddenly had a thought.

‘I feel like I’m forgetting something.’

…well if he couldn’t remember then it wasn’t that important to begin with.

Later…

‘Or it would be super fucking important and not remembering would bite me in the ass.’

Stanley had his head on the steering wheel in abject despair while Ezraphel rubbed his back in circles.

“There, there” she murmured soothingly.

Unfortunately for Ezraphel her words did not help with the situation they now found themselves in as all around them were dozens of other vehicles in a long line that stretched across the highway for at least a mile.

“Fuck you Google Maps.”

~Tree Hunting~

“Fucking Google Maps” Stanley complained once again as they finally, finally arrived.

Ezraphel was just as incensed at their situation as her Stanley because she wasn’t a fan of vehicles even after all these months and being trapped in one for nearly an hour was not her version of a good time. She could at any point teleport away but she would never leave her Stanley alone so she had to find other ways to amuse herself.

Unfortunately giving head was out of the question due to Stanley setting the rule of no distracting him from driving leading her to find other ways to amuse herself. She ended up spending the entire time watching videos on the laptop she stored in a portable pocket dimension. Stanley couldn’t even begrudge her for it, actually he was thankful for the distraction which also gave him insight into what his girlfriend enjoyed watching on her own time that wasn’t porn.

As they disembarked from the car into the parking lot Ezraphel did various stretches to work the kinks out of staying in one place for what was essentially an hour. It managed to attract some attention since of course they weren’t only ones who figured they could buy a literal Christmas tree here. Luckily Stanley solved that issue with a glare filled with intent causing the onlookers to avert their gaze.

Once they got inside Stanley deliberated with the man at the front who managed to maintain his focus enough to ignore Ezraphel’s presence before the duo were directed to an open lot. Ezraphel’s inquisitiveness shined through as she hit an available employee with various questions that even Stanley paid attention to. According to the employee they reserve a spot on the lot for Fir trees specifically for this time of the year. Fir trees along with Spruce and Pine trees are the trees commonly referred to as ‘Christmas Trees.’

It was an interesting bit of knowledge Stanley himself didn’t know.

The employee led them to an open lot that was filled with trees. There was a measuring chart as well as a cart filled with cutting instruments. Turns out customers will have to search through the lot for the tree they want within the outlined barrier which happens to be a thin piece of wire running across the ground at either ends of the lot. Once they pick a tree they will also have to secure it themselves hence the bucket of saws.

Of course they could call an employee for help; however, the prospect of hunting down her own Christmas tree had Ezraphel grabbing a hacksaw from the cart and dragging him off. Already there were people milling about the lot and from the looks of how many stumps there are it would seem that even more came before them.

“Which one should we get?” asked an excited Ezraphel as she looked around.

“Probably something that doesn’t look like it’ll die before Christmas rolls around.”

He said this while looking at a rather short and thin tree with only a few branches.

“Hmm, I could always make it healthier with my mana” Ezraphel suggested.

Stanley didn’t know if that was a good idea or not. The first thought to jump at him was the consequences of allowing her to corrupt a tree.

“…is it going to turn into a Mamono if you do that?”

Ezraphel looked at him for a moment before replying with a single word “no.”

“Are you sure?”

“Plant-type mamono were either monster plants or humans prior to their transformation” she stated going into what he called ‘lecture mode’ “regular plants don’t become Mamono unless under specific circumstances like introducing certain mana types into them. If that wasn’t the case then every plant in every demon realm would become a mamono which is not the case at all.”

“So what you’re saying is that if you corrupt a tree and let it sit it won’t suddenly become a Dryad or something?”

“It would take more than just injecting demonic energy into a tree to create a Dryad Stanley. I can’t actually create nature spirits.”

He scoffed “knowing my luck some other bullshit would happen like I don’t know, it starts growing prison fruit or something.”

“It’s actually called Prisoner Fruit.”

“Yeah and what are the chances that a corrupted tree grows Prisoner Fruit?”

“…”

Her lack of answer had his eyes narrowing “Ez?”

“Yes?” she said ‘innocently’ while not quite meeting his gaze.

“What are the chances that a corrupted tree grows Prisoner Fruit?” he repeated sternly.

“…it depends?”

“Explain.”

“Different plants have different reactions towards being corrupted. I never really paid attention to it so I don’t know the specifics but what I do know is that it is only trees or plants that produce edible fruits or vegetables are able to produce a corrupted variant.”

“…I don’t think you should corrupt the tree in any case.”

“I wasn’t planning on ‘corrupting’ the tree in the first place.”

“But you just said-”

“Recall the time when I organized the Easter celebration Stanley”

He paused and nodded “yeah, what about it?”

“Can you recall the environment?”

He did and it was filled with grass, flowers…and trees…

“Wasn’t it a Demon Realm?”

“No merely a spirit realm I’ve designed to mimic nature similar to a Bright Green Demon Realm sans the corruption.”

“Bright Green Demon Realm” he muttered to himself seeming to remember such a thing.

“In that sense I am more than able to take care of plants without corrupting them.”

”Okay” he raised his hands in surrender “my bad, guess I wasn’t really familiar with your game.”

“Hmph it would do you well to remember this next time” she sniffed imperiously before walking away with a noticeable sway in her hips.

Twenty Minutes Later…

So turns out picking a tree from the lot is much more difficult than expected. Not all the trees are the same and Ezraphel insists on getting his opinion on the matter if only to make him feel included. Stanley naturally wants to go gravitates towards the cheapest except those trees are short, devoid of branches and just plain ugly.

‘At this rate we’ll just have to use magic to make it look worth a damn’ he thought with a scowl.

“I believe planting the Christmas tree in a Bright Green Demon Realm might be inevitable Stanley” Ezraphel spoke unknowingly echoing his thoughts in a sense “or we could try somewhere else.”

‘And go through traffic again? Fuck no.’

“Don’t you have a spell that can speed up the process a little?”

Ezraphel looked to him and stared.

“What?”

Her lips pursed and he could feel an almost nervous energy about her.

“…did it not occur to you to use magic to search for a tree?”

She shook her head negatively.

In lieu of criticizing her he merely sighed “do it.”

“What about the cost?”

“Ez, at this point I could give a damn about the cost just get us something in the next five minutes or I’m getting a fake tree.”

One spike in her mana later and she led them to the border where a tree stood as the seeming lone survivor in a field of stumps.

“Looks nice but I’m not sure we can take this one though.”

The reason why such a fine specimen of a tree was left alone became obvious as it was behind the wire barrier. Though it was definitely closer than most of the trees he’s seen thus far.

‘It wouldn’t surprise me if one of the employees reserved it for themselves’ he thought not even feeling mad about the prospect.

Humming to herself the Lilim walked to the other side of it “from this angle it can be misconstrued as being in front of the border.”

Stanley walked over to her side and looked down to find the wire barrier still visibly in front of the tree.

“No it’s still behind it.”

Then the wire is suddenly snapped in half in front of the tree only to mend itself behind it looking as if it was always the case.

“How about now?” asked Ezraphel with a grin.

‘Well shit’

He looked at her with a matching grin “well can’t argue with that now can I? But we should get one of the employees to take a look just to be safe.”

“Hmm” the Lilim hummed before looking around “oh there’s one right there.”

Just as she pointed at one of the men speaking to another couple before walking off. The two intercepted him and brought him to the tree they chose. The man was rightfully skeptical but upon seeing the wire barrier was behind the tree became confused. He went for his superior whom looked just as confused as the one before.

After inspecting it for a moment he turned to them with an apologetic expression “sorry folks but this one’s not for sale. There must have been a mistake when they were laying down the wire.”

“There a reason why we can’t just buy this one?” Stanley questioned.

He explained that it had to do with the way how they plant the trees which sounded dubious to him but what did he know about this stuff?

As the two left Stanley could only shrug “damn shame. Think you can find another one?”

“No”

Ezraphel’s answer had him look to find her with furrowed brows staring at the tree “no you can’t or…” he trailed off meaningfully.

“I want this one” she stated seriously.

“Well unless you can convince whoever owns this place to sell it-”

“Good idea!” Ezraphel grinned “I’ll be right back.”

Stanley watched her run to intercept the two retreating employees before she started talking to the one who was the superior. Afterwards the two led her away back to inside the building. A couple minutes later Ezraphel returned with a new person with the two previous employees trailing behind them. Once they were in view Ezraphel pointed at him or rather she pointed at the tree.

They spoke for a moment and while he couldn’t hear them he could certainly guess what was happening. His suspicions become validated when Ezraphel suddenly hugged the man out of nowhere before detaching from the now flustered man. Stanley folded his arms as Ezraphel spoke to them some more before making her way towards him with a skip in her step an air of triumph and a look of smug satisfaction.

“We can take the tree!”

Stanley said nothing looking from the cheerful Lilim to the flustered men she left behind who were still in a daze.

“Was that really necessary?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Ezraphel was clearly not expecting such a reaction as she lost some of her cheer “did I do something wrong?”

“I mean, I don’t have a problem being a little dishonest to get a better deal it’s just…” he trailed off shaking his head “don’t do that again.”

As he trailed off Ezraphel suddenly wrapped her arm around his head in a side hug smooshing his head into her side boob.

“Aw, I’m sorry you had to see that Stanley. I promise he means nothing to me.”

Stanley was not amused by her words but at the same time he didn’t feel any particular way about what she did either. They were way too deep into their relationship for him to feel insecure about her. Infidelity in any form is a literal impossibility for both of them. No it wasn’t jealousy or insecurity that made him feel this way.

If he was being honest he kind of felt bad for those guys. As someone who was the target demographic for OnlyFans thots he did not like the idea of hapless men getting tricked by beautiful women to their financial detriment. Even now despite the relatively harmless application of seduction on Ezraphel’s part as well as the low stakes outcome and not being directly involved in either suggesting or executing this idea he still felt responsible via association and that made him feel…skeevy about the whole thing.

Shaking his head to dismiss these thoughts he moved on “let’s just get the three and get out of here.”

“…okay” spoke an Ezraphel who still seemed unsure wanting to question him further but acquiescing to his direction.

Before he could get to work Ezraphel took the hacksaw and cut through the stem of the tree in a single swipe. Before it could fall Ezraphel hoisted the tree on her shoulder easily and turned towards Stanley.

“Let’s go.”

Stanley could only stare at her “right.”

‘Sometimes I forget how freakishly strong she is even without magic.’

Together they ventured to the checkout and while he felt exasperated by her actions he had to admit the sight of people gawking at Ezraphel carrying a relatively sizeable Fir tree over her shoulder as if it were styrofoam amused him. What wasn’t amusing was the price that might as well have given him a dramatic anime slap across the face. He had to look at Ezraphel’s smiling face to gather the courage to make that purchase.

‘Look on the bright side Stan; after today you will never have to get this stuff again.’

HA!

Stanley looked about himself for a moment ‘what the…’

“Stanley?”

His attention was turned back to Ezraphel who once again held the tree over her shoulder.

“I’m ready” she informed.

“Right” he nodded and the two left the building heading to the parking lot.

After lowering the back seats Ezraphel loaded the tree and the two left. Luckily the traffic coming back was better than going out making for a swifter ride back home. They even managed to make it back before the decorations were delivered which was quite the relief. As he explained to Ezraphel on their way back this is the time of year where fucking porch pirates were more active. ‘Porch pirates’ are absolute assholes who steal packages left by deliverymen at front of the door.

Luckily he didn’t really need to worry about those since Ezraphel apparently took initiative in layering the house with anti-theft enchantments. It didn’t do anything more than instill within anyone who comes within a certain distance from the house the feeling of not stealing from it. They will use any form of internal reasoning to convince themselves that stealing within the vicinity of the house would be a bad idea.

That’s good to know although part of him wouldn’t mind if those bottom feeders end up punished in some way. Unfortunately Ezraphel did not have the ability to induce karmic retribution so he’ll have to settle with just not being bothered by thieves this holiday. A consolation prize if nothing else since he really did not like porch pirates, he had one too many packages of his stolen by those godless bastards.

Anyway the moment they arrived home and the garage doors shut behind the car Ezraphel teleported away with the tree to do whatever. Meanwhile Stanley exited the car doing his own stretches before making his way back to his office. Once there he booted up his PC once again as a thought he had been ruminating on and off reared its head again. This rumination ultimately stems from a single question that’s been plaguing him for the majority of his time since leaving the house.

A question that he once again asked himself while staring at his monitor.

‘What can I get Ez for a Christmas gift?’

~To Be Continued~

Author’s Notes: So the plan was to write a short length Christmas story or at most write a story that was the length of a regular chapter and release it on Christmas but an unfortunate incident had me bereft of the use of one of my hands and I ended up overshooting the word count of the story from 10,000 to 17,000. Since I would be cutting it close anyway and I am not really into posting a single chapter story of such length I just decided to split it into two chunks.

The other half is posted on my Patreon where I’m going to start posting the New Year’s Special which is a continuation of this one so look forward to that.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

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