Wizardquest Part 7: Magic and Mystery

Chapter 58


As you sit in the wagon, reading up on defensive magic, you look up and once again see Hala peering at you across the wagon.

“Can… I help you?”

Hala squints and shuffles over to you, leaning close as she growls. “I thought you said you couldn’t have sex.”

You blink, bewildered. “Uh, what?”

“You. Said. You. Couldn’t. Have. Sex.”

“I- I can’t, Wizard and all.”

“Oh yeah? Then what about that little kitten in your lap last night?”

Uh oh.

You just spent all evening with a beautiful woman in your lap, yet you still drop your sauce covered noodles in situations like this. Instead of flailing however, you go totally textbook on Hala. “At no point in that entire interaction did my dick leave my pants. At no point in that entire interaction did any part of my body interact with primary or secondary genitalia. At no point in that interaction did I even kiss her. What, then, could have counted as sex?”

Hala blinks and looks very concerned, “Woah, woah hey, look, I’m not saying that I actually saw you having… I mean, I KNOW what sex is, but…” She makes an exasperated noise and growls, “Ugh! I can’t believe you lied to me!”

“I barely even know you!’

“Well… but still! To see you looking all snug and cozy with that cat… I had half a mind to come over there and show her what for.”

Wow, Hala is either angry or stupid (possibly both) because she has no idea how badly that would go for her. You gulp and raise your hands in placation.

“Just… just calm down Hala.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Can you try? By the Gods, look, how much did you see last night?”

“I woke up when you were waving your arms about and she was giving this cute little giggle.”

Oh yeah, that’s when you were explaining about how you screwed up the spell to enchant a ring of fire and instead almost burned down a wall. Good times. Gooood times. Anyway, you feel your noodles being put back into your pocket and start to get assertive.

“So, you never saw me having sex right? You know, that thing that you did to Blake out in the field two days ago. And why do you care anyway?”

Hala pouts and looks incredibly red, “W-well, it’s not that I… well I have Blake but…uhm. Look, it’s about the deception is all! You should have told us you had a… what was it, girlfriend? Instead of lying like that. I would have left you alone.”

You groan. “She’s not my girlfriend, I don’t have sex, and we just talked.”

Hala rolls her eyes. “Uh huh, just talked, right. Who is she?”

“Someone you’re better off not knowing about.”

“Uh huh, well what if I want to know?”

“Well, then I’d tell you she’s one of the Monster Lady’s Temple Guardians who is love struck with me and can easily level an entire city.”

“And I’d say you’re full of bullshit.”

You shrug, “Guess we’re at an impasse then.”

Hala glares at you until you sigh. “But seriously, don’t let her know you know about her. I had hoped no one would find out but… It’s for the best if you just stay quiet. I don’t want to deceive anyone, but it’s a very delicate situation.”

“What, if I blab, she’ll cut off my head and put it in someone’s bedroll?”

“Something like that.”

Hala snorts and Blake looks back over his shoulder. “Something the matter back there?”

You and Hala trade glances and she sniffs, looking away. “No, DEAR, nothing at all.”

Blake blinks and his cheeks go red. He turns back around to drive the cart and then suddenly pulls on the reins, jarring you forward.

You and Hala both prepare for a battle, your staff out and her claws ready, but Blake calls back, “Woah woah, sorry. I just think I found that trail is all.’

Heart rate racing, you take a slow, shuddering breath as you climb up to the front of the wagon and look out at the road. It’s hard to tell, but yep, there we go. A dirt path, covered in light growth, snakes through the trees. Blake and yourself exchange glances and he carefully guides the horses down the path.

It’s a long, quiet, unsettling ride, and you’re fairly certain that this feeling isn’t natural. You can see your companions feeling nervous as well, and you open your [Mage Sight] to find that the whole area is laced in low grade runes that exude an aura of unease.

“Wards…” You whisper, shaking Blake and Hala out of their stupor. “Looks like our friend wants to keep people out the easy way. I’ll look for things that are less friendly.”

They both nod and you continue forward. About ten minutes later, you sense a particularly powerful ward and you halt the cart, jumping down to investigate. It’s very strange this runic sigil. You narrow your eyes, trying to follow it to where it leads…


You look down and note that your foot found the end of the trap. Glancing up in horror, you prepare for an explosion when, with a whoosh of air, a huge Monster comes crashing down from the trees in front of you! Reeling back in terror, you scream only slightly like a little girl.

Blake calls from behind as you prepare to annihilate this whole damn forest with your magic, “Wizard. Hold!”

You freeze and stare at the creature in front of you to see- Wait a fucking second, that’s not a Monster, it’s a Gods damned wooden sign painted to look like a Monster!

Motherfucker. It isn’t even good painting either, but it scared the shit out of you. It swings lazily on its branch, the goofy smile of the… you think it’s some kind of pink and purple… Cat Girl? Staring at you.

Grunting in disgust, you load back up onto the driver seat next to Blake and see Hala staring at you with a grin as smug the painted Cat Girl.

“You were scaaaaaaaaaarreeeeeeedddd~!”

“Fuck off wolfy.”

She giggles while Blake rolls his eyes, a smile on his face too, before driving forward again. You don’t see anymore traps, apparently this guy is either lazy or that trap works really well on others, and you soon come to a small cottage.

The building has stone walls and a thatched roof, a small stream of smoke pluming from a chimney in the corner. It appears to be covered in vines and moss giving it appearance of being not well cared for, but it fits the description of a forest dwelling Wizard to a “T.” You may be a little jealous.

Unloading off the wagon, all three of you ready yourselves for any further traps. The entrance is a large, oak door with a viewport. When you approach the door you all look at each other and you nod your heads in unison. Your scan shows nothing out of the ordinary so, with shaky hands, you knock on the door.

From inside, the sounds of tiny, scrabbling feet are heard, followed by soft, muted thumps, and then the viewport slides open to reveal-

A corgi. You all blink in surprise as you see the face of the dog. It looks at all of you then gives three short barks before slamming the viewport closed.

“Uh…uh.” All three of you look at each other, stupefied at what just occurred.


Chapter 59


A rustling comes from your pocket and Bubs pokes his head up. {Hmm, now my dogese is a little rusty but I think he said, ‘Nobody sees the Wizard, not nobody, not no how.’}

{He uh… he said what?} You mentally ask Bubs, still a little dazed.

{‘Nobody sees the Wizard, not nobody, not no how.’ These dogs have a very strange language- did you know there’s three forms of the present imperative for them?}

He pauses and sighs. {Before you ask, magic rat.}

You pinch the bridge of your nose and think. Sure. You didn’t think it would be THAT easy, but a corgi at the door? Just. Wow. It was the best defense imaginable because you couldn’t imagine it. It isn’t even particularly worth the effort it places on your mind, but fuck you if it causes strain.

“Well that sucks, time to go!” Says Hala as she turns around, dragging Blake with her.

Oh come on, you can’t have this end without even saying anything! An idea comes to you then.

Fishing in your [Pocket Dimension], you pull out a heated bread pouch before knocking on the door again. You hear the pitter patter of paws again and the slot opens, the corgi breathing what seems to be a sigh out as he looks at you. Slowly, you place the heated bread pouch on the slot. The dog looks at it, then at you, before slowly reaching his muzzle forward, never breaking eye contact. He takes it in his teeth then slowly retracts back and slams the viewport closed.

You look around in confusion again. The fuck just- What? As you run through unfinished questions, a series of loud thunking noises are heard before the door swings open. Your group stands at attention, prepared to see someone standing behind it, and you see…

Nothing. No one stands before you, and you’re taken aback again.


You blink and look down to find the Corgi from before! He stands there, looking at you coldly, although his face is slathered in cheese and crumbs. He’s fairly large for his breed but has the right coloring, although the most striking feature about him is his tiny, tailored, butler outfit.

Bubs is immediately jealous.

The corgi lets out another short bark and rolls his eyes, then turns and starts walking to the left, leaving your party speechless and looking back and forth. Hala shrugs and makes to walk inside first, but you stop her, looking her in the eyes.

“Let me take the lead, and for the Gods’ sake, do not touch anything.”

Hala sniffs. “I wasn’t going to.’

Blake ruffles her hair and lets go of his sword, “Yes, you were, and you know it. Come on then, DEAR.”

Hala huffs but follows behind you, where the corgi left off. As you enter the house, you feel a distinct, unmistakable magical signature of a Wizard in his dwelling. Sure, it could very well just be body odor, but you can ALSO feel the magic saturating the place.

There are many shelves about, lined with all sorts of magical implements, many you had never seen before, and you stop to admire one very pristine figur… Implement, of the Hero Lance from an eastern legend. He’s modelled with a bow.

You shake out of your admiration long enough to slap Hala’s hand as she goes to touch a particularly fragile looking implement. She frowns and you glare, eventually winning the exchange. You follow your guide past a corner and into a large room where a curtain separates it in half, the rest covered in scrolls and implements. Your guide walks casually under the curtain and gives a small bark.

“I thought I said no one sees the Wizard, not nobody, not no how!” You hear from behind the curtain. The voice is a little gravely, like that of an older man, and the tone is less than pleasant.


“Well of course I know one is a Wizard, Charles, I could feel his damn aura when he triggered the faggot cat, which apparently doesn’t work on other Wizards, like I thought I told you.”

“Bark, bark, bork, grrr.”

“Well fuck me if I didn’t think that another lazy piece of shit…”

You move forward and slide back the curtain to see a man of average height with a slightly overweight build sitting in a chair at a desk, talking at the butler corgi. He looks up at you to show brown eyes and an immaculate silver blond beard when you remove the covering.

Waving his hand in front of you, he says, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.”

“But I’ve come looking for a brain for the Wolf Girl, a heart for the Hero, courage for my familiar, and I just want to go home.” You say, a shit eating grin on your face.

The Wizard raises an eyebrow, “Oh yeah? Sure, fine.” He calls out to your group. “Hey bitch! Read a book! You, Hero, don’t be such a paladin. Rat in the pocket? Maybe you should stop being such a pussy?” He then points and you. “See? You had the power all along, now you can go home.”

He turns back around and returns his attention to his…. his Communion Glass.

You take in a sharp breath. It’s beautiful. You can tell the time and care he put into its creation from here. The glass is hand carved Galmathorian of an older vintage, but you can see the aetheric links it holds with the runic board in front of it, all carved of… dear Gods is that Wyrm bone? That must be sooo smooth! And the linkages are, yep, yep that’s Skyray whiskers, holy shit.

You almost shed a tear as you see the beautiful device. The other Wizard notices you gaze, and he grunts. “What, never seen a Communion Glass before?”

“No I-” You start, a little hoarse, before you cough and continue, “I was just appreciating it’s construction.”

“Hmrf, yeah sure, whatever. Why don’t you just turn around and leave, faggot.”

You feel a familiar tugging in your heart and you narrow your eyes. “Oh, I’m the faggot huh? At least I don’t like Sword Skill Communion.” You say, pointing at an implement of the main heroine of the eastern theater. “Asuka huh? What a shit taste in waifu.”

He shrugs and rolls his eyes, “Implinging she’s my waifu.” Yes, he actually said implinging.

“Oh she’s not? Then what’s with all the stains around her?” There are no stains, but he looks at the implement a little too quickly and then pulls back, cursing when he realizes his mistake. You bust out laughing, “Solos Invictus, she really is your fucking waifu, holy hells.”

“You know what, get the fuck out before I throw you out”

“Wow, being this mad.”

His nostrils flare and he’s about to raise his hand when you notice something out of the corner of your eye. Both of you whirl around and say, “Don’t touch that!”

Hala jumps back in surprise as she’s about to touch another implement with gorgeously crafted hair. She trips over a conveniently placed Charles the corgi in her surprise and falls to the floor. As she lays there, dazed, the other Wizard and yourself start laughing like fucking maniacs.

Blake stands in the corner, arms crossed while nodding his head, “So this is how Wizards act in their natural environment. Fascinating.”

Both of you continue to chuckle at Hala’s misfortune. She turns beet red, fuming and embarrassed, her tail standing straight in the air. She looks like she’s about to come over and tell you what for, but she stops when Charles returns, a tray on his back holding four glasses slightly green liquid that fizzes and bubbles. He barks at Hala and she blinks, her anger faltering as slowly takes the glass and sniffs the liquid.

“U-uh, thank you.” She says before trying a sip. Her eyes going wide and she guzzles the whole glass in moments. Blake takes a glass as well but is much more reserved about drinking while you and the other Wizard take glasses, clink them together, and drink deep.

Mountain elixir, by the Gods, it’s been too long. You relish the taste as it flows coolly down your throat. Nectar could not compare to this taste, for it is as if a piece of heaven itself had been condensed into liquid form.

The other Wizard finishes his glass, then sets down the container and folds his fingers over his girth. “Ah fuck it, you’re a faggot, but a decent faggot. Still, what do you want all the way out here?” He considers for a moment, “And how did you find this place?”

“Frog Girl told me.’

“Fucking green bitches, I swear to the Gods, every week one of them tries to get in here and jump my junk. Usually the wooden board trap keeps them away though.”

“What is that Monster anyway?”

“I dunno, some kind of faggot Cat girl I thought would be funny. It is kind of hilarious to watch those frogs practically backflip away when they see it though. Gotta love surveillance spells.”

That explains a few things, which is nice. Still, you’re here for a more specific purpose. “So… your Communion Glass…. It’s hooked up to the matrix, right?”

“The fuck you think?”

“Of course. I’ve been traveling recently and I’ve kind of missed out on-“

He narrows his eyes. “On?”

“Some stories being woven in a few matrices. To be honest, I’m kind of seeing if this one storymancer picked my suggestion of the waifu route with the Dragon Girl.”

“Fuck, you voted for that shit option? The only right choice was fugging the Salamander.”

You shake your head. Faggots, the whole lot of them. “Can I read it at least? I’m kind of… jonesing a little.”

He shrugs and manipulates the aetheric currents for a moment, then shows you the screen. “Be my guest.”

You nod and read hungrily. As you do he sips more Mountain elixir refilled by Charles while asking, “Anyway, you didn’t tell me what brings you down to my fine abode where you insult me and almost break my shit?”

“Wanted to see a fellow Wizard and ask if I could borrow his Communion Glass for a little bit after that lummox of a Hero broke mine.”

The other Wizard winces, “By the Gods, it wasn’t Galmathorian was it?”

“What do you think?”

“My condolences. I hear the supply has been cut off for some reason.”

“Aye, Monster Invasion.”

He seems unfazed at that information. “That sucks, what are you going to do?”

“Order says they’ll give me a replacement if I just show up at the capital, fuckers better have it.”

Blake coughs and takes a step forward, causing both of you to whip your heads toward him, causing him to stop in his tracks. “Right, about that very thing, Mr…”

“You can call me Franklin.”

“Franklin… Perhaps you would to lend us your might as a Wizard and help defend humanity from the clutches of the Monster Lady? Your power would be sorely needed.”

He thinks about it for a moment before waving in dismissal. “Nah. Sounds like effort and I’d probably end up raped or something. Can’t have that.”

You give a sly look to Hala who grumbles something about sticks and asses. Blake looks crestfallen. “I see. Thank you then.”

Around this time you finish reading the suggestions placed into the current story matrix. Ugh, Franklin chose, “Get freaky with the flaming fuckress.” He has no idea what story structure is, apparently.

You look back, some of your tension gone, and nod towards him. “Thanks for that, seriously, it pulls some weight off my chest.”

“Eh, no problem. You headed out?”

“Yeah looks that way, guess I got what I came for.”

Hala looks up and says, annoyed, “Seriously, that’s it? That’s aaaaalllll we came for? Why did I expect anything more significant?”

You both frown at her though Franklin puts a finger to his chin. “Welllll… There is one thing we could do…” He looks at you with a sly expression. “Say, you have a familiar, right?”

“Yeah, Bubs, my rat.”

“You know [Metamorphosis]?”


At that moment you both have the same idea and shout, “Oh fuck yes!”


Chapter 60


You scrabble after Franklin as he moves to an empty room in his cottage. You help him clear out some junk before summoning Charles, who pads over, looking tired. Picking Bubs out from your pocket, you hold him up, smiling at him. He looks mildly scared.

{Big guy, what are you doing?}

“I need you to become a dire rat and follow my every command, alright?”


“Come onnnnnnnnn.”


You place Bubs down at the edge of the room just as Franklin removes the little butler outfit from Charles. Both of you look each other in the eyes as magic flows through the room, the two of you channeling your powers into your familiars. Bubs grows huge again, his fangs mighty, and he lets out a hiss. Looking across the room you see Charles’s adorable, yet cool, Corgi demeanor is gone, replaced by a massive, DIRE CORGI, who has huge fangs and a powerful, compact body.

“Bubs!” You scream, pointing. “I choose you!”

“Charles! Show him who’s boss!”

“What the fuck are they doing?” Hala asks, standing outside the doorway as she leans in close to Blake, his face in his hands.

“I’m not sure I have the power to care anymore.”

“Bubs! Use quick attack!” You shout, excitement growing within you.

Bubs just kind of stands there and looks over his shoulder at you like you’re some kind of massive retard. How the eyes of a rat can physically do this is beyond your knowledge, but the intensity and scorn within is almost physically painful.

“Hah!” Shouts Franklin, “looks like you should have gone to the gym more!”

“Why would that matter- Oh hells, Bubs look out!”

Bubs turns around and sees Charles charging at him. He barely manages to jump to the side in time to avoid being slammed by the beastie, who snarls as he runs by.

Damn, Charles is quicker than you expected. You sure as the hells feel that he also has some more tricks up his sleeve. Better play it easy now.

You mentally communicate to Bubs, {Play it safe, keep your distance and gauge his power.}

{WHY AM I DOING THIS?} Bubs sends back, still not used to keeping his thoughts down.

{Owwwww… Owwww oww, look, it’s fun!}

{FOR YOU.} Bubs grumbles, but he takes your orders and starts moving opposite the Dire Corgi. They both judge each other’s movements, one slowing, the other picking up pace, until you find a small weakness in Charles’s stride.


Bubs dashes forward, his teeth barred as he runs at the Corgi. Charles stands firm, a glint in his eyes, almost as if-

“Bubs! Back off!”

A column of fire races from the mouth of the overgrown mutt and Bubs pushes to the ground, the torrent raging overhead and singing some of his hairs. Your familiar squeaks in surprise and panic, and you see Franklin laughing.

“Didn’t see that one coming, did ya?”

You grit your teeth. Fine, if that’s how we were going to play this…

Bubs dashes past another column of flame and you begin to channel through him a [Lightning Bolt]. For some reason it makes his cheeks glow a deep red before he sparks up and a stream of pure electricity slams into to Charles, taking him off balance.

Franklin stumbles, fumbling commands. Seizing the initiative, you point and shout, “Bubs! Tackle him!”

Your erstwhile companion surges forward again, this time managing to connect with his full body tackle and slamming his opponent into a wall. Charles slumps down and shirks in size as the magic leaves him and he resumes his normal corgi form.

You let out a whoop of excitement and release your spell on Bubs, doing a little dance as Franklin gives Charles a once over.

“He’s fine, but darn, didn’t expect he’d go down so easily to electricity. It’s not even one of his weaknesses.”

Blake and Hala stand there, mouths agape at the battle.

“That was barbaric…”


The two look each other in the eyes and Hala shrugs. “What? I thought it was cool with the fire. I’m even more impressed this place didn’t go up in flames.”

You look up with a start and remember just how small this little room is. How did it survive not going up in flames? It’s obvious the area where the fire hit, but it’s covered up by a line of large plant vines which smoke faintly. You look more intently and see them move ever so slightly, wriggling as if to cover something up.

“Hmm? Oh, right.” Says Franklin, as he snaps his fingers. The vines immediately retreat out of sight through cracks in the wall you didn’t notice before. Underneath where they were is a series of scorch marks, the flames smothered out by the mass of vines.

You turn to Franklin and he shrugs. “Oh, the vines? Eh, Biomancy, although specifically Botanomancy if you want to get technical. It’s nothing special, just keeps the Alarunes away.”

“Are you sure? Because that sounds really cool.”

“I’m sure you’ve got some cool tricks up your sleeve too.”

“Weeeeellll” you say, puffing out your chest, “I do practice Copromancy and Plagamancy, not to brag.”

Franklin gives you a weird look. “That sounds real fucking shitty.”

“I know, right? It’s pretty impressive.”

“No I mean like, it sounds retarded as… Oh nevermind.” He picks up Charles, the corgi snoring softly in his arms. “Well that was fun, but the little guy is all tuckered out. I suppose you’ll be going then?”

He sounds a little too hopeful to get you gone. Normally you’d oblige him but Biomancy sounds kind of awesome, so you clear your throat. “Well, perhaps we could uhm. Compare notes on spells and magical theory?”

Franklin gives you a sideways glance. “Hmmm…”

Come onnnnn. Oh I know!” You say, snapping your fingers. “I’ll let you in on a little uh-” You look at Blake and Hala, the two quietly bickering at each other. “Wizard secret.”

He raises an eyebrow at this and sighs. “Oh very well then, follow me.”

He gathers the attention of the other two and leads all of you into the main room again, laying Charles down into a little doggie bed. D’awwwww. “Alright you two, sit there and don’t cause trouble.” He points directly at Hala when saying this. She bares her teeth at him and he grabs your arm before slowly taking you back behind the curtain, never taking his eyes of the Wolf Girl.

Once you’re behind the curtain, he sits down at his desk and waves a hand. You feel the familiar pull of a spell like the barrier from last night, though this one doesn’t seem to stop physical attacks. Still, you study the weaves and patterns of it as it laces around you, getting a feel for the spell.

“[Mage sight] huh? Ah, [Privacy Barrier] isn’t a very uncommon spell, but- ah, looks like you got the hang of it by that grin on your face. Quick study, nice.”

You do your best to hide said grin.

Franklin shrugs, leaning back. “Don’t need it much, unless Charles gets sick of my shit, or those Frog Girls come roaming around, but hey, it’s nice.” He looks you in the eye, “Okay, what’s this secret about?”

You clear your throat and look about before whispering. “The ultimate elixir.”

Franklin’s eyes go huge and he becomes rigid. “What did you say?”

“I heard about a possible lead from a, uh… Sorceress. Who knows where she heard about it, but I think it might be solid. Anyway, I think it might be found in the Solomon mountains.”

Franklin curses, “Then that means it would be in the Monster Nation. You’d likely be killed or worse if you went near there, especially in the current climate if there’s an Invasion nearby… Damnit I thought we had something here.”

“Hey, it’s better than nothing, right?”

He nods. “Yeah… That’s true. Guess I better let this out on the matrix-“

“Uhm. Maybe let’s hold off on that. Don’t want any idealistic Wizards going out and getting raped? Or worse, normies to find out?”

He shudders. “No…no of course not. Still… Ah whatever.” He shakes his head in dismissal. “So, why are you traveling with a Hero and a rapist waiting to happen? You’re not seriously going to fight in a war?”

“Of course not, I mean, we’ve survived twelve other Invasions before, why should I get worried? The order will beat back the Monsters, we’ll reclaim Galmathoria, glass will rain from the heavens, and all will be happy. Oh, and she’s tried before, didn’t work out too well for her.”

Franklin slaps his knees and smiles, satisfied with your answer. “Well okay then! Not like I was going anywhere either, but Biomancy huh? It’s pretty simple stuff, just accelerating growth in predictable patterns and such. Also lets you dominate the minds of some lesser plant forms too. It’s kind of stupid hard to do animals, but I’ve managed once or twice.” He says, totally not bragging.

“That sounds kind of difficult, how do you lock onto the growth signatures?”

“Gotta follow the flow magic, watch the aether currents as it washes through something and you’ll see that patterns. Once you find if, you just jab in your will, and there ya go”

He pops his hands. “Magic.”

You think about that for a moment. This could be incredibly useful, especially given that you’ve taken to [Fast Scan] so well.

“Have you ever used this to make some kind of shield?”

He shrugs, “Not really, but if there’s plants nearby, yeah it’s very effective.”

You spend some time discussing the intricate nature of magic and the interference on the life steams of creatures, and how this manages or go around such restrictions. It’s incredibly informative, and you even teach him some Plagamancy, so both of you gain something, though Franklin doesn’t seem as keen about your spells as you are about his. Soon enough it devolves into the two of you just talking about random bullshit.

After Franklin finishes telling you about his shit taste in eastern theatre, it occurs to you that you have no idea what time it is. Opening the curtain, you look over see that it’s dark outside and Blake and Hala are nowhere to be seen. A piece of parchment sits on the chairs they were sitting on and it reads, “Outside if you need us.”

You look to Franklin, a little embarrassed. “Errr, guess we lost track of time, huh?”

“Heh, a little. You know what, you have shit taste in eastern theatre and your waifu is a shit, I mean like, wow, she’s fucking awful, but hey, you’re not so bad.” He bumps your shoulder. “Don’t go getting raped on me or anything, aight?”

“Hells yeah, I’d be dead before I let myself be touched by a woman.” You say, knowing it was partially a lie. Damn Selene and her… special… tender moments. And her… fluffy tails.

“Oh hey, now that I think about it…” Franklin begins, thinking. “Maybe you could benefit from learning a surveillance spell? Here, this one is easy, I call it [Remote Sentry]. It’ll allow you to keep an eye on things from a distance, though you can’t hear out of it.”

“Huh, that’s sure to be useful.” You say when he finishes teaching it to you.

Stretching, you walk over to the door and place your hand on the knob. “Welp time to go, thanks for everything.” He nods at you and you open the door, only to see your wagon rocking violently back and forth and hear Hala screaming!

Both of you look at each other before dashing to the cart, readying your wills as you prepare to fight. Damnit, someone must have gotten close when you weren’t paying attention! You can only hope your companions are still alive as the wagon suddenly stops rocking.

You both ignite power, sending light from your staff and Franklin’s hand, and you reveal-

Blake and Hala laying in the wagon, naked, cuddling and holding hands after passionate lovemaking

Dear Gods, it’s more horrifying than you could have imagined. Poor Franklin turns pale and vomits, and you barely manage to keep your food down, only due to being tempered in the flames of combat these past days.

Hala notices both of you looking and she smiles, not trying to hide anything while Blake hurriedly covers himself and stammers apologies. You just shake your head, disgusted.

Degenerates. You’re surrounded by wholesome, vanilla, degenerates. Sanctifrond can’t get here fast enough.


Chapter 61


You sit in the wagon in silence after you leave Franklin’s place, all of you agreeing to not speak about what happened again.

Franklin politely asked you to get the fuck away as soon as he stopped dry heaving so he could cleanse himself with mountain elixir and you obliged. It was for the best, poor guy. Because of this event however, you don’t stop for the night as usual, Blake saying that the horses were in good spirits, the road was clear, and he couldn’t really sleep anyway. You’re pretty sure he’s just too embarrassed to sleep.

You, however, fall asleep as the wagon trundles on, resolving just to catch a little shut eye.

The first rays of the morning tickle your nose and you start awake, realizing that you’d slept the whole night! Ugh, what a waste of time, though you do feel well rested.

Looking around, you see that your party has stopped by a small stream. Blake is collecting some water while Hala bathes herself, not even trying to hide her nudity. You just sigh loudly. Oh well, you lost some time with Franklin but made it back up overnight, so all things considered the outcome isn’t too bad. Besides, it was totally worth it. Franklin was a cool dude with shit taste, but a cool dude.

Stretching, you start to plan out another fun day in the cart when you hear a little, “thunk” sound as something lands next to you. Looking down, you find a rock with a note tied to it. Taking it off, you read, “I missed you last night, don’t do it again.”

You sigh and fold up the note, putting it in your robes. You’ll have hell to pay tonight, but with only two or so days to the capital you can suck it up.

It’s not long after your little stop at the stream that you continue on the road again, the bright sun shining overhead. Blake once again is whistling a tune, and Hala is once again passed out asleep in possibly the most dignified and ladylike pose ever: her legs open with head back, mouth wide, a soft snore escaping from her.

What a charmer.

With little else to do, you go back to sewing, finally finishing what’d you’d been working on before as the day wears on. Initially surprised, Bub’s is elated when you present him a tiny hat like your own, and he scurries out with it on, mentally beaming and praising you. What a cute little scamp.

Even though you spent plenty of time working on this, the sun still hangs high overhead. You’re genuinely surprised nothing has attacked you so far which, while terrifying, would at least give you something to do. Considering going back to sleep, you look down at your [Sack of Holding +1] and pause as something about it seems to tug at you.

Curious, you dig through your bag and for some reason pull the [Lamia Tail] out. This thing, huh? Well, you hadn’t given it much thought, but perhaps working some enchantment could be useful. What exactly would you make from this that would have any use to you though? Sure, you feel that it’s full of magic, but what to do?

While you think this over, you strip the flesh from the bone via [Rapid Decomposition] and behold about five segments of vertebrate that made up this part of the tail. You pick them up individually and take a good, hard look with your [Mage Sight].

You see darkness, pure and simple darkness. Recoiling at first, you lick your lips and remind yourself that it’s just inert bone before studying further. It seems that Chakrandas was so in control of dark magic that it sunk into her very bones, literally. What you hold here is a just a fragment of her real power, and you wonder how in the hells Samantha ever defeated her in the first place. Slowly, you turn a piece over and look through the vertebral canal when something sparks in your mind, unbidden.

A ring…

Of course, it’s so simple. A ring! Hells, you can even make a set of rings, though you’re quite certain that you’ll need to try a few things out on some pieces but yeah, that could work! The real question is, what would it do for you?

As you think this over, another thought passes through your mind.

Carve… Runes…

Huh. Weird. You know that you’re going to carve runes, sure, but that thought is a little strange. It doesn’t quite sound right but you surely you imagined it something. As you get busy forming one of the pieces of bone into a smooth ring, you start to think of what to carve. It comes to you rather quickly, despite not having done something like this before. Interesting, yes, that rune would be a nice anchor for channeling the dark magic within…

You blink again and look at the ring-shaped bone. Huh? You’re going to use this as a focus to channel dark magic? Didn’t Selene say that would be… bad? Hmm, but like, wouldn’t hitting things with cool, purple fists be awesome?


That’s right inner voice, that would be cool. So, you get to work carving some focal runes into the ring and channel power into them, creating the internal binding point. Hells, this is going so well for your first try that you might not even need to use the other bones!

Now then, what to use as a loci… Hmm. You need something with a fair amount of potency which would react well to what you want to do… Maybe the [Centipede Venom]?


Okay inner voice, that’s a weird one. Semen? That seems silly. You ponder over why you’d think about semen as a loci. Sure, it’s good quality spirit energy and, as far as you know, what a Monster Witch needs to power her magic. Stands to reason that semen would be needed to power an item made from a Monster bone. But you can’t just produce semen here, can you? Pshaw, Hala might not be able to control herself if you just whip it out.


Yeah yeah, inner voice. You hate having to wait until later too. With a sigh, you place the unused vertebrate pieces and the [Unfinished Ring of Darkness] back into your [Sack of Holding +1]. Suddenly everything gets quieter in your mind again. Huh, best not dwell on it though.

By the time you look up you notice that the sun is finally starting to creep low in the west and everything is beginning to grow dark. Guess you were really into that huh? Might as well ask Selene for her opinion when she arrives, she might have pointers for you. Sure, she SAID he didn’t want you messing with dark magic, but come on! This ring is going to be awesome!

It’s not long before you set up camp and surprisingly everyone is in a great mood. No Monster battles today, no nothing! What a nice, peaceful day of travel.

You offer to stay up all night since Blake was up all day and he thanks you graciously. It’s fine by you, gives you more time to work on your spells and your little project. While they get settled for bed, cuddling together of all things, you set up your [Circle of Shit] and set a [Remote Sentry] with the spell you learned from Franklin.

It’s disorienting at first, but you soon get the hang of the spell. It allows you to tap into the hidden sentry with part of your consciousness and see through it, effectively giving you the ability to detect things without them being in your line of sight.

Once set, it’s time to get down to practicing your Biomancy under the quiet of a [Privacy Barrier]. It’s nice, simple work while you wait for Selene’s nightly rendezvous to work on your ring again. You get a pretty good hang of the two spells he taught you, [Vine Whip], an offensive spell, and [Shield of Thorns], a defensive spell. Odd how similar Biomancy is to Plagamancy. With some practice you start to see the “humours” of the plants, allowing better control.

You smile as you make a poor flower wilt some, then restore it to balance. It’s kind of fun to watch it die over and over! Hehe, hehe. Your revelry is cut short however when you feel your remote sentry ping something. Transitioning your vision to the magical construct, it comes into focus and you see Selene!



Chapter 62


She’s standing directly in front of the sentry, making very lewd and suggestive poses, a shit eating grin plastered on her face. Your cheeks heat up and you shift your gaze back as Selene appears nigh instantly inside the camp, stepping lightly to you. She raises an eyebrow as she passes through your [Privacy Barrier] though.

“Picked up a few new tricks did we?”

Smiling wide, you wave your hand and a throne of vines from the nearby vegetation forms under her, carrying her up. She giggles, going along with the charade.

“A few.” You say, smirking.

She rolls her eyes playfully, then uses her tails to hack, slash, and modify the vines into something resembling a true throne. She lounges on the seat, leaning on one elbow as she smirks down at you.

“Ara ara… What a gentleman pulling out a chair for a lady.”

You cough, feeling a little agitated. “Yeah, sure.”

Chuckling, she shakes her head before taking a deep breath and looking down at you again, her expression a little somber. “I wish this could last forever you know? But life is not so kind. The Lady calls, and you’re going to enter Order territory tomorrow.” She exhales slowly. “I’m afraid this is our last evening together, for quite some time.”

“Huh, that’s interesting, say, Selene, could you take a look at this ring I’ve been working on? Something doesn’t seem right about it.”

Selene stares at you, face utterly neutral. Interesting, wonder why she would make a face like that? Maybe she just wants you to show her what you’re working on. Surely she can’t be upset that you didn’t show the slightest interest in the fact that this is to be your last night together for a long time.


You pull out the [Unfinished Ring of Darkness] and show it to Selene. When you do, you feel a pressure in your mind again and it somehow feels comforting. How odd!

“So, like I was saying, I was carving a focal point in the ring here to make-“

One of Selene’s tails whips out blindingly fast and wraps you up, pulling you toward her. You utter a tiny gasp before you find yourself fully bound. She casually plucks the ring out from your hand and looks it over, a look of disgust on her face.

“I thought I told you not to meddle with dark magic. This trinket is utterly riddled with it.” She glares back at you. “Where did you get it?”

“U-uhm” you stammer out, still in shock. “Ch-Chakrandas’s tail bones.”

You feel the pull again in your head and you suddenly wish you hadn’t said that. Damnit, she might take it away from you!

Wait… didn’t you want her to look at it though?

Selene sniffs and turns the item in her fingers. “These are fairly impressive carvings, I suppose, but truth be told I should just destroy this for multiple reasons.”

“N-no!” You blurt out, suddenly sweating. “I-I mean that is… maybe we should uh…”

She pulls you in close to her and sniffs you, baring her teeth. “You ask me my opinion after blatantly ignoring a heartfelt prompt, and then disregard my advice? That’s not a reliable way to keep your head, little Wizard.”

The intensity of her expression makes you gulp in fear. The pressure in your head grows more intense, but all you can focus on is not being killed right now. Despite your inner voice screaming in your head, you say to her, “I, uh, wow. I’m sorry Selene I didn’t know what I was doing there. Please, destroy that thing, I’m sorry for… disobeying you.”

She raises an eyebrow and considers the ring again before casually closing her fist and crushing it to dust.

It’s like a fog is lifted from your vision and you jump against your fluffy restraints. It’s the same feeling as when you put it back in your bag. The voice and the pressure are gone again so… were those thoughts not your own? Did some malign presence still lurk within those bones? If so, then what was it’s intentions in making a ring? The implications make your spine shiver.

Worried, you convince Selene to destroy the other portions of the bone that you have in your bag, all three of them. When finished, she sets you on the ground and forces you to prostrate yourself before her.

“What do we say?” She asks, tails flicking in agitation.

“Thank you for saving me from the hellish abyss of darkness that I was to unleash upon myself.”


“And I’m sorry that I ignored your heartfelt moment and wasted time we could have spent before we are separated.”

Selene is quiet for a long while, and you begin to sweat again. Then, you hear a soft chuckle and look up to see her laughing, shaking fits growing in intensity as she buckles over and falls out of the throne, laughing herself into hysterics.

You just watch. Mostly because her tails are flailing about and you don’t want to be made into a carving block, but also because seeing her so happy makes you feel… good? You can’t really figure out the emotion, so you tuck it away as she settles down, her tails finally finishing flailing enough for you to walk forward and lean down next to her.

She looks up at you from her prone position and suddenly leaps up towards you, arms wrapped around your body. She pulls you to the ground and you struggle vainly for a moment before Selene whispers in your ear. “Shhh, don’t fight it.”

See, that kind of makes you a little scared and… excited? Your heart races as she nuzzles your neck.

“Mmmm, hmm, hmm. Oh Wizard, you truly are a bag of tricks. Here I was, ready to tear you apart, and then you remind me of just how much I love you.”

“Uh… Thank you?”

“Can we just stay like this for awhile?”

“Y-yeah?” You don’t have the heart, or the balls, to tell her no. It’s okay though, she just nuzzles your neck, rubs her leg up yours, presses her breasts into your arm, you know, nothing concerning. That sweat of yours is just from the warm evening is all, nothing else.

“H-hey Selene?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Is this really the last time we meet?”

She tightens her grip on you, and you feel a quiet intensity as she says, “I certainly hope not but, who can say?”

As she says this, she pulls herself atop you, and your eyes go wide when you realize her soft, glistening lips are inches from yours. Her eyes are half lidded, and you can see her chest heaving with shallow breaths as a long strand of red hair falls down in front of her face. She whispers, her voice a sultry purr,

“If there’s anything you’d like to do before we part…” She says, the warmth of her breath tickling your mouth. “Please… Do it now.”


Chapter 63


You break out into a full sweat and feel your mouth go dry. Oh, oh Gods, Selene is- uhm. And her face is so- ah. And she smells good but- Wooooo boy, this is not a good position for you but fuck, it’s your last evening together so you have to say SOMETHING.

Your eyes dart back and forth between Selene and the landscape around you as you desperately try to figure out what to do. Should you say something vaguely romantic? Push her off of you? Scream like a tiny girl? Oh boy, you’re really freaking out now. Mind racing, you blurt out whatever is at the forefront of your mind at the moment.


Phew, perfect work. You’re not even certain why you brought this up at all, but the look of utter confusion Selene gives you is almost as beautiful as she is.

Selene’s face goes through about six different shades of emotion as she tries to figure out what you said, why you said it, and what she should do about it. Eventually, she settles for the simple emotion of being astounded and says, monotone, “Why?”

“Because… Oh! Because it would be powerful and uhm… Cool.”

She stares at you and, damn it, do you feel compelled to just keep spilling those sauce covered noodles.

“I mean, I know you said it was dangerous, but I think that I can handle it. Also, if it keeps me alive longer during this war, wouldn’t it be worth it, because then I could see…” You start to trail off as your stream of consciousness comes to grinding halt. “Y-you.”

Selene narrows her eyes and studies yours before sighing and slowly pulling herself up, merely straddling you instead of holding you down. She takes in a deep breath and then exhales slowly.

“For you Wizard, that was downright romantic.”

Smiling at this, she ruffles your hair. “I guess I’ll take what I can get though, maybe once this is all over…” She trails off as well and then shakes her head. “Well, plasma hmm? I suppose it’s better I teach you so won’t destroy yourself with it.” She stretches her lithe body and in one hand a burst of flame appears, while in the other a ball of pure electricity crackles.

“The key, as you may have guessed, is to create sufficient heat, then introduce an electrical charge. The most difficult component is the heat, as you cannot reliably expect that a burning target will be hot enough to power the explosion. What you’re looking for is a specific wave in the fire.” The fire in her hand suddenly grows much, much hotter, and you shield your face from it.

“Look at it with your sight.”

You do, and you don’t see much of anything until… Wait, is that an arc? It’s like a halo around the fire. Weird how you never noticed something like this before.

“I assume you see the change in light, the wave. When this is reached, you can introduce a powerful charge and Boom! There you go.”

The fire winks out and the electricity vanishes. She clasps her hands together, staring at you. “Do not attempt this large scale or multiple times a day. The wear upon the caster is astronomical if done over and over, and the chances of catching yourself in the explosion of a [Plasma Blast] is all too real.”

She sighs. “You get that?”

“Yeah… I think so, thank you.”

With a nod of her head, she removes herself from you and folds her hands in her lap, looking downcast as she stares off at the moon. “Glad I could help…”

Something stirs in you at that look. Though you’re just a Wizard and terrible in social situations, even you can’t just let it end like this. You don’t know what you feel about Selene, but she’s done nothing but help you so far. What can you do for her?

While she’s distracted, you look around and spot a tree root. Forcing it into life with your Biomancy, you cause it to produce a hard knot of wood which you remove with the magic. You furiously start to whittle with the [Wightbane] when Selene says, her back turned to you,

“Guess it’s time for me to go then.” She wipes at her eyes. “Farewell Wizard, till next we meet…” She prepares to spring up into a tree when you cry, “W-wait!”

Selene turns around and raises an eye brow, noticing the wood shavings around you.

“Wizard… what are you doing?”

“Uh-uhm, uh, you seem I was going to uhm.” You can’t do words very well due the intensity of your whittling. Selene leans in close and cocks her head.

“Is that… what is that?”

You finish the last stroke with your knife and you gulp before handing the item to Selene. She takes it into her hands gently and turns it over, staring at the front of the unpolished wood. Her lips begin to quiver, and she asks, her voice shaky, “Is… Is that a heart?”

You have indeed carved a heart into this wood knot. In fact, if one looked hard at the knot itself, they could see that it is two halves that which would be perfect for a locket. Unfortunately you kind of ran out of time.

“Uh… Yes? Yes, it is a heart for, well you see, it felt appropriate and…” You take a deep breath before continuing. “Look, Selene, we’re going to be apart and I thought you could… I-well, it’s like, you see, but not really… It’s just what you say and, well I didn’t mean anything that… But I guess you could say-Ugghhhh.” You stroke your beard slowly as your heart threatens to tear its way out of your chest. Wait a second… beard? Of course!

With a quick slash of your knife, you remove part of your beard and thrust the hairs towards Selene, your body posture rigid,

“For you!”

Selene slowly takes the beard hair and stares at you, dumbstruck. “Y-you made me a… It’s a kind of locket is it?”

You nod your head vigorously, maybe TOO vigorously. Maybe you should calm down.

Selene takes in a deep breath and puts the hair slowly into the wood halves. She presses it close to her chest and can see that she’s starting to shake a little, tears sliding down her cheeks.


She wipes at her face with her free hand and looks up at you, a smile on lips despite her tearing eyes. “No one has ever given me such a thoughtful gift before, I- I’m not certain what to say, haha.”

Scratching at your beard, cheeks flushed, you say “Erm… How about, ‘I’ll, uhhhhh, see you again?’”

She smirks and lets out a chortle. “Ara ara… Yes, yes that’s good.”

Leaning over to your face, she plants a light kiss on your lips. “I’ll see you again, my love.”

And with that, Selene takes one, tepid step backward before closing her eyes and leaping into a tree. She shakes her head and then vanishes from sight.

You watch the space where she was for a long time before laying on your side and staring out into the night, the ground near you quickly loosing it’s borrowed warmth, leaving you once again cold and alone.

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