Avoiding Involuntary Matrimony for Males (A.I.M.M.)


    Monster Girl City Weekly Review
                                      (A Subsidiary of Kitsune News©)

                 Avoiding Involuntary Matrimony for Males (A.I.M.M.)
                                 by Onan U. Tosi, Nov. 5, 2017


Let me begin this article with an apology directed towards my Mamono readers. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, if my weekly A.I.M.M. columns have offended you. Yes, I am quite fully aware of the fact that not all Mamono are “Like-That”, and that most, if not all of you ‘respect men’ and want what’s best for them.
Let me toss out, that it was never my intention to paint Mamono everywhere with a broad-brush, and I never wanted to categorize them all as being ‘pro-active daters’.
For those of you have taken the time to write me: Yes, I know it is a fact that it’s only a small minority of Mamono (95%) who are making the rest of you look bad.

But, for us men on the receiving end of that small minority; all it takes is one ‘bad apple’ to ruin our day. So, I’d appreciate some patience and understanding on your part, and I’d certainly LOVE to stop getting all of the hate mail, acidic emails, and Dark-Mage curses being sent my way.

Now, for all of you individuals who have taken the time to write in and claim to be a human woman. Let me say this: A real human woman will never express a desire to meet me at a certain time and place to discuss matters of matrimony, sight unseen.

Hey look, I’m not stupid. Ok?

So, after several years of writing my column:  ‘Avoiding Involuntary Marriage for Males’, I’ve been tasked by my editor to come in and write a full-page article. She wants this one to contain my best tips, and updated advice that I’ve gleaned from my past columns that will help any unmolested males from being  Raped involuntarily married.

That being said. Who am I, really? Well, first off, my real name isn’t Onan U. Tosi. That’s just a pen name I created in an effort to avoid the backlash that, as it turns out did in fact come about.
Additionally, this is to let you know, that those of you who have been writing my pen-name in blood on your letters to me; that your doing so is a waste of time, and a waste of blood. (Also, I’ve been handing them over to the police for DNA testing.)

Now, the legal department here at Kitsune News© has demanded that I insert an apology here, for anyone named Tosi or Onan living in or around Monster-Girl City. This is to protect the company against any indemnity that my columns have inadvertently generated against you so named. (Sorry!)

Now for those of you who are curious: What is my experience in this field of Monster-Girl Rape Forced-Sex Avoiding? Well, without giving away too much trackable information; I am a fairly healthy male in my mid to late twenties who has lived in Monster-Girl City for several years, and I have done so without once getting raped involuntarily married.
Have I been pinned down and Pawed? Yes, many times.
Have I had my clothes torn to shreds and nearly been raped proactively dated? More times than I can count.
But actually raped sexually surprised? Not even once!

I can tell you though, it hasn’t been easy.

How did I manage to attain this wondrous feat? I’ll be honest here: Dumb-Luck. I’d like to say that the tips and techniques that I’ve shared in my columns have been the sole reason(s) that I’ve managed to maintain my (near) virginity for the entirety of my several year-stay here.

But that would be a lie. Sheer, Dumb-Luck is the biggest reason.

So, my advice to you, Mr. Young Male, is to go ahead and purchase a Dumb-Luck Amulet from your local Chief-God temple.
Yes, I know, they’re dreadfully expensive. But, they’re worth every dollar! I say this not only as a member of the ‘Male-Purity-Pledge’ club, but also as the President of my local chapter! (And Vice-President, and Treasurer, and Secretary.) (Yes, there has been quite a bit of attrition lately).

Keep that Dumb-Luck Amulet on and about you, at all times! I can’t recall the number of ‘happy accidents’ occurring that prevented me from being in the right place, at the wrong time.
As a matter of fact, I’ve got mine on me right now as I’m typing away at my current assigned work station and it’s a good thing I do.

Just an hour ago my cubicle neighbor for the day, George, invited me to go and get some donuts that an anonymous ‘co-worker’ had left lying around in the one of the office meeting rooms.
I would’ve gone with him to check them out, but I got a sudden phone call that I had to take. By the time I caught up with him, well, let’s just say that ‘Curious George’ didn’t get to meet the man in the yellow hat. Thank you, Dumb-Luck Amulet! It’s just one of many such ‘dumb-luck’ occurrences that has benefited me during the years I’ve lived here.

Another time, I got a flat tire on my bicycle, despite that wheel having a brand new innertube. It didn’t take me long to get that thing patched, so I was off and running toute de suite. But, I discovered that what I thought was my ‘safe’ bicycle path, had been targeted by a pack of were-hyenas. In the end, I just missed being an Involuntary Marriage statistic.

The way the Dumb-Luck amulet seems to operate is, you seemingly get some minor problem that you could easily ‘blow-off’. BUT, you should never ever do that. That’s because if you do, you’ll probably find yourself forcibly blown by your new Monster-Girl wife.

Obviously, we can’t expect Monster Girls to not rape force non-consensual sex with us men. After all, it’s part of their nature. So, what can you, as a delectable young human male, do to prevent your becoming an involuntary Mamono-husband?

Advice #0. Avoid living in Monster Girl City.  
But, that’s not really good advice. This is for the simple fact that Monster Girls are popping up everywhere! Every day it seems that I read of a new account where a Monster Girl shows up somewhere in the world.
Just yesterday I read about the McMurdo science research station in Antarctica, being visited by a rookery of Penguin-Mamono.
The message is clear: If you don’t go to MGC, MGC will come to you! Consider yourself warned.

*Trivia*. There used to be a Monastery here in MGC. But, it’s currently a Ryu temple. This Monastery was one of the first institutions to be depopulated when the Mamono arrived. In fact, Monasteries across the world are going the way of the Dinosaur.

Advice #1. Get married to a Human woman.
I hate to say it fellas, but this is the Number One best advice I’ve got for you. (Assuming you want to have any sons.)  I’ll admit that it’s not a perfect solution, because of the sheer number of Bicorns that are clopping around nowadays.

But, by and large, most of the Monster-Girls in existence prefer not to eat ‘a pre-licked cupcake’, so to speak. The downside being, if you are married then you’ve got to have sex with your human wife at least once a week. That’s the expiration date for a licked cupcake, it seems. So, just bite the bullet and always take care of that weekly chore.

If you can’t get married before coming to work at MGC, then the next best thing I’d recommend is a “Purity-Ring” blessed by one of the priests of the Chief-God.
*CORRECTION* Up until recently, I’d always promoted Order-Blessed Purity Rings as being one of the best defenses against ‘involuntary marriage’. I’ve learned that that has since changed for the worse. 

You can still repel a lot of the ‘Beast’ Mamono with one, yes. But, you run into the danger of grabbing the attention of one of the Demon-type Mamono. (Gremlin/Succubus/Dark Priest/etc.) They seem to be attracted to such things like flies to honey. It’s like they’re constantly itching for the chance to corrupt a member of the Order. Caveat Emptor.

Advice #2. Speaking of cupcakes: Food.
Never eat food that you don’t know the source of. There are too many Mamono out there who follow the notion that if a guy eats a portion of them, (like a piece of their shed skin, or some of their blood), it’s tantamount to their being accepted as a wife. Like that incident I mentioned earlier involving Curious-George. That donut he ate, had some Lamia blood mixed in with part of the glaze apparently. So, watch out for ‘free’ food. This includes supermarkets, or Shopping Mall food kiosks.

*Trivia* You’ll also notice that Monster Girl City NEVER has any homeless guys running around. This is not a coincidence because of ‘soup kitchens’. About the only upside to that, is that they’re not expected to sing a few hymns for their supper anymore.

Even with the food that you do know the source of, be careful. Never, ever leave your food unattended. Community break room refrigerators- are right out! All too often, I’ve seen some dude who left his lunch box unattended when he came into work, and he ends his lunch break as someone else’s ‘husband’. The media center where I work at occasionally, goes through more interns that way.

*Tip* – purchase yourself a small (lockable!)  refrigerator, and keep it under your work desk (if you have one). If not, then eat out of cans.

*Tip* – if you’re not sure about the food, ask a Mamono to take a bite. If they won’t- DON’T! Your waist-line will thank you, and so will your future human wife.

UPDATE! Some Mamono consider sharing food to be an invitation to surprise-sex. Apparently, even that little bit of saliva that they leave behind on the utensil or plate they took a bite from, is considered ‘enough’ of them to claim you. So thoroughly wash any utensils you and she might’ve shared before eating.

ALSO, if you can, order online ahead of time for ANY restaurant outings. It doesn’t matter if it’s a five-star restaurant or a fast food joint, you’ll be glad you took the time to do so. You will be particularly relieved once you see the look of frustration on the face of that Jorou-Gumo chef, when you get your order. I know I have.

Advice #3. Don’t dress provocatively.
I cannot emphasize this enough! I don’t know how many involuntarily married male victims I’ve interviewed, who were dressed inappropriately for the occasion. It’s incumbent upon you as a guy, to know what kind of outfit is appropriate for the situation.

The biggest (and most successful) excuse Mamono have for when they get caught, is that the dude they sexually surprised was (you guessed it) dressed provocatively.

Generally, it’s a good idea for any Order symbols you’ve got (like the aforementioned Dumb-Luck Amulet, or Purity Ring) to be kept out of sight. Far too many Mamono see them as trophies. (Something to be held onto after they have successfully deprived some poor dude of his virginity.)

*Tip* – keep your bare skin to a minimum, and try not to wear anything that will catch the eye of a Mamono. This includes keeping your hair at the proper length.
*Example*: Danuki are attracted to business suits, thick wallets, hundred-dollar haircuts, and expensive jewelry such as Rolex watches.

*Tip* – Dressing like an Alp MAY help. But it invites retribution once they find out you’re not one. Many Mamono see non-consensual sex as a way to ‘discipline’ unruly men.

*Tip* – scour second hand stores for used men’s spider silk clothes. It’ll send the ‘message’ that some Spider Mamono has made you hers. Downside- they’re hard to find, and they’re expensive as hell.

*Tip* – The old Abayas that Muslim women used to wear, aren’t really all that good for hiding men it seems. It’s just being too obvious.

*Tip* – Keep yourself clean and showered as often as you can. Too often a young male with sweaty skin, will attract Love-minded Mamono with his sweaty pheromones.

Advice #4. Rest Rooms.
Here in MGC, extensive retrofitting has occurred in many public and private places and buildings. So, there are now three standards of Rest Rooms to be found: Male, Female, and Mamono.

Best Advice- never use a Men’s Rest Room. Chances are, there will be at least one Mamono hiding out in one of the stalls waiting for the opportunity to grab herself a guy.

A guy not using a Mamono rest room, well that just goes without saying.

As a guy, I’d say go ahead and use the Woman’s rest room. There aren’t very many human women running around anymore. So that’s something to not worry about too much anyways. Just try not to get arrested, and don’t use the same rest room twice in a row. As to dressing in drag, see my advice about dressing like an Alp.

Advice #5. Don’t drink alcohol.
Too often, being drunk is considered consent to many Mamono such as the Oni. It is damned near impossible to bring about ‘involuntary-sex’ charges against a Mamono, once the constabulary learns that you were drinking. I hate to have to tell you this, but it’s a fact of life now.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a sip of Communion wine, or just some ‘friendly drinks’ with that Satyros you just met. This includes wine tastings from the l’Autre Montagne de Beaune winery up on the northwest side of town, to the Sake Kura post-tour sampler over at Zipangu-town. If you guzzle, you’re a goner.

And yes, this includes any beer, wine, or anything else alcoholic you brought back to your apartment to ‘enjoy responsibly’. No few Monsters have doctored the booze they find in an apartment they’ve ‘accidentally’ broke into …

If you’re in a social situation, drink water. Even Shirley Temples have been (successfully) used as legal justification by a Monster Girl.

Advice #6. Don’t take Public Transportation.
MGC Metro is notorious for Men getting ‘surprised’. They’ve got a special team devoted to cleaning up the body fluids from every ‘surprise sex’ encounter on their buses, subways, monorails, or stations for same.  They’re on call 24/7.

*Tip* – if you can’t avoid public transportation, don’t be afraid to use the Emergency Brake. Remember that in sudden stops most Mamono have more mass than you do, and thus they find it difficult to keep their feet (or equivalent) underneath them. But, make sure you’re not in their way when you do pull the brake.

I don’t recommend your jumping out of a moving train or bus to avoid any of them. This is because, 1) You’ll hurt yourself, and may end up having to go to hospital. (See advice #23 below), and 2) Jumping off of bridges often ends up with the jumper falling into the waiting arms of some water Mamono. Even if you do know how to swim, don’t expect their giving you much of a head start.

*Trivia*- Keep in mind that Mersharks have been known to travel upstream in freshwater, for over twenty-five hundred (2500) miles/4023 kilometers. Still think like it’s time to go fishing?

Advice #7. Don’t hitch-hike.
The MBI (Mamono Bureau of Investigation) has a special category devoted strictly to this one. It’s just inviting trouble if you do. I don’t know how many times I’ve walked into a truck stop and I’ve seen the most popular selling caps and t-shirts that say: “It’s not rape if he cums”, blazoned on them. Be warned.

Advice #8. Don’t be a slut.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one. You know of a guy who got invited up to a Red Oni’s apartment who is ‘living alone’. She needs a shoulder to cry on today, because ‘whatever’. He enters the place and she suggests some sake to help her unwind first.
The next thing he knows it’s morning, and he’s as sore as all hell from ‘servicing’ her fellow Red Oni friends who just happened by. In the eyes of the law, he was ‘asking for it’. Don’t shoot the messenger.

It doesn’t matter if it was consensual or not, one time or a hundred, if you’ve had sex with a Mamono you’re done for.

Advice #9. Don’t be too friendly.
Don’t smile or try to be charming. Sometimes that is all it takes to convince one of them that you ‘want her’. Afterwards, many of them will claim that you ‘led them on’ or gave them mixed messages by being polite.

*Tip* – Never invite one into your home, as this can easily be misconstrued. This is to include deliveries of any kind, service personnel such as janitors, cable ‘men’, masons, or the like.

Advice #10. Don’t be stuck up.
There are several kinds of Mamono (Green Ogres for instance), who see a man with an attitude, as a challenge to overcome and/or break. Some Mamono have been known to attack a man who has turned down one of their date offers. Hey, Mamono have feelings too you know.

Advice #11. Don’t drive a car.
Cars are status symbols, and as such if you’ve got a nice one you’ll attract the attention of a Danuki.  Conversely, too shabby of a car makes you interesting to those who are looking for easy prey.

Unfortunately, cars will show that you’re ‘afraid’ of using public transportation. But, if you have to use a car or a truck, be sure to keep these following tips in mind.

*Tip* – If you have to use a car, get yourself a ‘soccer-mom’ car, and leave some left-over baby seats in the back. You’ll appear like you’ve been ‘claimed’.

*Tip* – Always try to get the closest parking spot to the entrance of *wherever*, it’ll make the trip between your car and the entrance all the shorter, and minimize the amount of time you’re vulnerable.

*Tip* – Park under a streetlamp. It’ll give you a better chance of catching anyone lurking nearby, if by the Chief God for some reason you’re delayed getting out until after sunset.

*Tip* – Always check underneath your car before getting too close to it. Far too many Manticores have been caught hiding underneath one for the opportunity to sting an unwary individual.

*Tip* – Always check behind the seats before getting in your car. Far too many Large Mice have been found hiding in the backseat of an unattended car.

*Tip* – always lock the doors of a car you’re driving and keep the windows rolled up, particularly when you approach a stop sign, failure to do so can be construed as consent.

Advice #12. Don’t bicycle or go jogging.
Bicycling, running, or jogging, appears to be the number one cause of inciting a Mamono’s predator instinct. If they see a young male going someplace in a hurry, they’ve ‘got’ to chase him. It’s that simple. You can’t outrace them in a straight line. Don’t even try.

Advice #13. Don’t go to Movies, Museums, Libraries, Concerts, or the like.

If you do go to a movie, smuggle in any grub you want to eat, and keep a separate box of candy for your date. Take a seat on the end of a row, and don’t let a Mamono get between you and the exit. Grabbing a handicap seat may be uncouth, but it’ll also give you a fighting chance of not getting surprise sex. Always keep an eye out for any unusual movements or sounds in and around nearby seats.

Museums may have security personnel, but they’re there to protect the items on display- not you. If you can, try to keep the items on display between you and your involuntary paramour. Science museums have been known to attract Haku-taku and Historical museums attract Khephri, no few of them have Mummies on display!

Music concerts.
Music concerts are the kind of place where Mamono love to congregate in the large groups that such events attract. The reason being, that it’s difficult to hear the sound of a lone male shouting for help, over the sound of cheering and the music.

Cultural Festivals.
Many such festivals include miniature examples of what to expect of life in their culture. It’s one thing to observe a festival. But it’s quite another to volunteer when picked out of the crowd. I know of at least a half-dozen guys who had no idea they were volunteering to ‘help out’ at a wedding demonstration- which turned out to be their own.

Libraries are noted haunts for not only Haku-taku, but surprisingly enough, Cheshires and Blue Oni as well. Many library card holders have their home address on file, so don’t be late returning any books!

Zoos, are particularly notorious when it comes to ‘bumping into’ a Mamono, as many of them blend in with the animals on display. Avoid petting zoos or animal-handling exhibits. You may find out that that what you thought was an innocent octopus, will turn out to be a sneaky Scylla. The same goes for the newfangled “Pet a Mershark” exhibit fad.

Martial Art Dojos.
Learning the art of self-defense is advisable. However, all too often, some young men have found themselves getting more moves than they bargained for. As it turns out, many Kunoichi are the ones teaching classes.
*Information* They WILL gang up on you.

Church Socials.
Surprisingly enough, many churches that are devoted to the Fallen God are ‘safe’ to visit. That’s because said participants already have a partner and aren’t interested in adding more. But, as always, be wary of any Fallen God Church bake sales.

Advice #14. Avoid Stairwells and Parking Garages.
Think of this, what is the ONE thing you see most often, when you walk into a stairwell or parking garage?
Need I say more? Spider Girls of all sorts LOVE stairwells and empty parking Garages. Ushi-oni are the worst when it comes to multi-level Garages, and the worst part is that they won’t validate your ticket.

Don’t think that you can just stand there next to the door of a stairwell, and wait for the sound of breathing to come wafting up the stairs. Most Mamono can hold their breath longer than you can.
Also, it’s amazing how even the largest Ushi can completely hide herself behind a set of concrete stairs. They’re incredibly patient, so you have to be even more patient by walking the long way around.

Advice #15. Be careful in elevators.
If you’re alone in an elevator, stand in such a way that you’ve got your back to the controls. If any Mamono comes in, get out. If it’s someone you know, you should still be careful, as they may have a cohort in the waiting area, standing by for a chance to pounce on you.
If there is another person in there, position yourself to keep them between you and the Mamono. Chances are, they’ll grab the first person within reach if it’s a guy. Or they’ll push her aside if it’s a girl, giving you a second’s worth of a head start in dodging.


Living Situations.

Advice #16. Don’t be a hermit.
Nothing seems to get the attention more of a Monster girl, than some dude who lives alone. Often, you can use your roommate as a distraction in your effort to get away if you get hustled. But, if you have to live alone, set things up like leaving a TV on during the day, or have lamps that turn on and off with a timer. Remote internet cameras are your best friend! If you own a house, keep those hedges trimmed.

*Information* – some Baphomet have pretended to be members of a certain cookie-selling young ladies’ organization, when what they were really doing was stalking young single men.

*Tip* – living in a house does have advantages over an apartment. BUT, most solidly built houses have a chimney/fireplace. You can be held legally liable if you start a fire without checking to see if the chimney is occupied by a potential mate.

A downside to a house are that Were-Bats, Ratatoskr, Honey-Bees, and Hornets, have a bad habit of setting up nests in attics. So keep them cleaned out on a regular basis. The same goes for Giant Slugs, Giant Ants, Khephri, and the occasional Shoggoth, for basements and crawlspaces.

*Tip* – For Apartment inhabitants, the Landlord has to give at least 24-hour notice for any ‘sudden’ inspection. So be extra wary of any ‘fire-marshals’ knocking on your door.

*Rumor* I’ve been getting reports of a “Land-Mershark” off and on occasionally. If you do encounter one and manage to get away, let me know!

Advice #17. Don’t act like a virgin.
You know EXACTLY what I mean! Don’t act like a wuss! ‘Virginal-Quivering’ is guaranteed to grab the attention of Unicorns. They are NOT as passive as they like to claim. I can attest to this personally! They are phenomenal when it comes to sniffing out a virgin male, and they’re masters at psychological manipulation techniques like guilt-tripping and passive aggressiveness.

Advice #18. Don’t use thin light drapes on windows.
This is to protect you against ‘Peeping-Tom’s’. Many a Mamono has pled ‘incitement’ because the guy they molested had drapes that weren’t thick enough to hide their silhouette after bathing.
On the other hand, too thick of a set of drapes also catches the attention of Mamono. They will often wonder why all the extra security is being used.

Unfortunately, there are not many apartments without windows. You would think that high rise apartment buildings would be a good deterrent, but let me remind you of Harpies! They just love to roost on balcony railings, patiently searching their environs.

Advice #19. Keep your place CLEAN!
There are not very many male virgin slobs anymore. The reason being: Devil Bugs and Large Mice. It’s a tossup which one you’ll attract first, if you don’t keep your place straightened up.

*Tip* – A Nekomata is good for keeping the Mice at bay, but they come with a (not so) hidden cost.

Advice #20. Don’t live with a roommate.
I found this out the hard way! Early on in my column career, I had one roommate get turned into an Incubus. I didn’t find out that it happened, until he brought over some ‘friends’ he wanted to introduce me to. Good thing I installed a set of hidden cameras and a secret exit door beforehand.

Advice #21. Don’t exercise alone.
Picture this- you’re working out alone, and you need a spotter. That’s leaving yourself open to exploitation. All too often, one ‘young, healthy, sweaty, TIRED, physically-fit male has found himself in a compromising position with an Oni, and the next thing you know…BAM!

Gym Showers? Forget it, play it safe by showering in your own home.

Swimming pools or Onsen? Forget them too. Many owners of such have worked out an ‘arrangement’ with an Undine that involves their looking the other way whensoever an unattached man is around. Both spots often have showers.

Fencing clubs? Lizardmen/Salamanders. Need I say more?

Advice #22 Always be aware of your surroundings.
If it looks like you could get molested there, chances are someone else has. Paranoia is your friend.
Many are the times that after I’ve talked with a former Purity Pledger-Turned-Incubus, I will find out that what he ‘assumed’ was ok, was not.

Always assume that it is NEVER Ok.

Like to go spelunking? Not anymore you do! Far too many female Dwarves nowadays. Hiking? Out in the middle of the woods, far from any help?  Elves! Bird-watching? (Harpies, Thunderbirds, etc). Rockhounding? Golems. The list goes on and on.

*Trivia* – Most hunting ‘accidents’ actually aren’t. Yetis and Bigfoots, Buffalo Gals and Jackalopes, all play a big part in many of those disappearances.

Advice #23. Don’t go to the Emergency Room.
Unfortunately, many Mamono have extended their educational skills to the point that they are not only the nurses, but also the E.R. docs. These are the medical personnel you’ll end up having inspect you after you injure yourself running away from a nonconsensual sex encounter.
As such, they’ve got ‘first dibs’ on whomever comes in. If you do get admitted to a room, demand a shared one and get the bed that is furthest away from the door.

*Tip* – You’ve got a right to refuse whatever medicines the night nurse may decide to inject you with in the middle of the night.


Unfortunately, the question of ‘gifted’-sex is not so much as an “if” anymore, but more of a “when”.

So, if it looks like you’re going to get Surprise Sex, there gentlemen. What should you do?

Advice #24. Don’t use a Rape Whistle.
I’ve talked things over with many a fellow afterwards in hospital; apparently Rape Whistles act like a ‘Dinner Bell’ to all of the local horny Mamono.

Now yes, there is the possibility that the newly arrived one(s) may want to challenge your first attacker for the ‘right’ to claim you, and thus give you a chance to run away in the confusion. However, of late many of them have opted to ‘share in the spoils’, and thus the dude ends up being the worse for wear.

*Tip* – Pepper spray doesn’t work against the Grizzly Mamono anymore, apparently they’ve developed a taste for it. Imagine if you would, a Pepper-spray covered Grizzly hugging you. (Feel the Burn!)

Other formulas like Mace, is decreasing in effectiveness against Mamono anymore. They’re just too tough. Green Ogres have recently taken to using it as a Body Mist.

*UPDATE*, ‘MAMONOFF!’ brand Mace, has been discovered to have been recently reformulated as an aphrodisiac (on males!), by the new owning company. So, if you do decide to use a canister, don’t breathe in its fumes.

*Tip* – Don’t carry a Taser. 1) There is too much chance of an accidental discharge (onto you). 2) Most Mamono are unaffected by them, and those that are affected are often driven to even greater levels of lust, (Thunderbirds, Raiju, etc.)

Advice #25. Don’t fight or struggle too much.
The ancestry of just about every Monster-Girl includes a Predator of one kind or another, and as such they enjoy the ‘thrill of the hunt’.  With the Spider-Girls, for example, if you just ‘lie back and try to enjoy it’, they’ll get bored after a few times and may decide to let you go. Fighting back on your part, seems to excite their Predatory instincts and makes them want to ‘keep you’ as a favored plaything.

Advice #26. Don’t be passive.
Remember, that  in every court of law in MGC it will be assumed that you ‘really wanted to get molested, if you don’t fight back ‘hard enough’. If you want to try and press charges, try to get some bruises on you. You’ll find that most Mamono are more than happy to help in that regard. Talk kindly to them, but don’t say anything that will sound bad in court.

*Tip* – the best option of running away, is to ‘Zig-Zag’. Right angle turns at the last second are your best friend. Most Mamono/Predators aren’t built to handle such maneuvers. Best option is to practice this ahead of time. This is because many Snake-like Mamono slither in a Zig-Zag pattern. You don’t want to Zig when you should’ve Zagged.

Advice #27. Don’t scream or cry for help.
This is similar to the rape-whistle or the struggling too much category. When you get down to brass tacks, real men don’t scream like little girls anyways. Screaming implies Fear and when a Mamono smells fear…

Advice #28. Don’t carry a sword, or a knife.
1) They’re pretty damned obvious if you have one on your person, and they imply that you’re afraid. 2) Lizardmen and Salamanders will automatically challenge you to a duel if they see you carrying a sword. 3) Sometimes they can be taken away from you and used against you.
If you’re even halfway decent with a sword, you’ll probably get ‘an offer you can’t refuse’ from one of them if you win.
If you’re not any good, you’ll get yourself sliced up real bad and end up in hospital. See Advice # 23 above.  

Advice # 29. Don’t go out at night.
I can’t believe that even now, today, I have to remind guys about this. Who are the most active Mamono when it comes to night-time activities?
All of them!
Don’t go anywhere at night! Especially on nights of the Full Moon. Every single unattached Mamono gets particularly antsy during a Full Moon.

On the nights that aren’t full moons, you still have to watch out for Vampires, Dhampirs, Witch Sabbats, Dark Mage frolics, Dark Priest socials, Moths, Grues, Ghouls, Zombies, and Ghosts, just for starters.

Advice #30. Don’t get arrested.
Of late more and more Mamono are graduating from MGC Police Academy, and getting hired as cops. This has resulted in an increased number of body cavity searches for such mundane crimes as: Loitering, or Jaywalking. Though there does seem to be some confusion of who, is supposed to blow what, for instances of: ‘Suspicion of Intoxication’.

Remember this the next time you want to ‘do a little hell-raising’. The M.B.I. has stated that they’re investigating any and all acts of “Mamono-Police corruption”, but don’t hold your breath about them doing a thorough investigation any time soon. The Blue Code of Silence still holds sway.


Post *Domestic Dispute*, a primer.

The chances of getting a rape conviction in a Monster Girl City courtroom is between slim and nonexistent. The biggest hurdle to such: Any ‘molestation’ victim has to get at least four witnesses to attest to the occurrence. The problem with that being, those four witnesses tend to be participants of same.

Mamono Rape kits, are given the back-burner in terms of priority in testing. The recent scandal involving the several year backlog of MGC police rape kits, should give you a clue.

Most police will be extremely skeptical about you and your behavior. Expect long hours of grilling and questioning. Also, be prepared to answer any questions of your own past sexual history, in affidavit format.

Unfortunately, due to budget cuts the Molested-Male Counseling hotline has been shut down.


*Editor’s Note
This article was supposed to have been printed last month. The delay was caused by Mr. “Tosi’s” sudden announcement that he will be changing his column’s focus to: “Being A Better Incubus”. (B.A.B.I.) This was considered to be a violation of his contract and he has since moved on to write articles for the Mamono-Human League.

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19 thoughts on “Avoiding Involuntary Matrimony for Males (A.I.M.M.)

  1. So basically dont do literally anything that defines living a life or existing. I mean personally i would hire married mamono body gaurds.
    As well as contact a married dunuki and start business that only allow entry and hire married mammano because there is Scarcity to only services a human male wants and you could charge extra for that. Also work from home on your computer use this perverse system to work for you use twitch.co like busty gammer girls do and let the money flow in. Also once you become rich from ywitch and all your dunuki investments you can now buy your own human woman harem. Also run for office and implement a one child policy for monster and a required five child policy for humans.

  2. A rather sad outlook on the MGE world. I wish there was aversion of the world that didn’t seem to look forward only to mankind’s extinction. The list made me think about threatening any mamono I see with a shotgun to the face.

  3. Loved the idea. I know MGE is just porn and I shouldn’t care, but I think this fantasy world is too overrated. Articles like this is what reminds us that a world like MGE’s would not be an utopia as Kenkou Cross and fans might expect. Even though many people fantasize about it, A world full of rape monsters is NOT OK.
    The only one problem was that you exaggerated and left us nothing allowed to do safely. But anyway, I loved the idea.

  4. Is this more about not being “proactively dated” or being pure? Good luck with the latter living in a MG world looking through these advices.

    But the best way of not getting raped is consent. Find that MG who you like and likes you.

    But holy cow this was a lot. I’ll admit I skimmed through a bit to get the gist of things.

    1. More about Not being “not-raped”/proactively dated.
      Pure is relative. He did admit to being ‘felt up’ several times.
      But also: Both. Since what little Demonic Essence a one time sexual encounter can leave on a guy, naturally human women (Order-wise) would seek a ‘pure’ guy.
      (All it takes is for a seed of DE to corrupt a woman.)

      As to consent, what if you didn’t want a MG for a waifu? The more MG’s there are, the less consensual it becomes for guys. (Or so it seems to me).
      Yes, there is a lot of advice on how to avoid rape. That’s because there are a lot of ‘proactive-daters’ out there, each with her own method of forcing the issue.

  5. Start “wife-hunting” from a young age.
    If you can find a mamono you like when you’re young enough, you can get engaged with one before you reach the aged of the proactive-dating-victim, and marry her once it’s legal. It lets you look around while you’re still safe from -most- mamono, and choose someone who you actually like (or at least know) before you are chosen by… whoever.
    Possibly get parents involved in matchmaking “play dates” to help ensure the boy doesn’t get plucked and the mamono gets a husband.

  6. I thought this was more a lighthearted read than some others seem to have thought. I took it as that, and thought it rather humorous. This isn’t a setting that warrants taking it “grimdark serious.” I would actually love to read a follow up article with him now as an incubus. Very fun.

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