The Event took place in the Discord Server and the rules, theme, as well as the results, will be presented below. This was a tough event to judge, 11 entries! Wow! I will say just because a story isn’t on the top of the list, doesn’t mean it isn’t a good read! it was a tough competition, and there were many close scores. Thank you everyone for participating.
Contest Rules & Info
Time: The contest will start on Wednesday, 6-26-2024, and conclude on Wednesday, 7-31-2024 @ Midnight EDT, with results and prizes released no later than Wednesday, 8-7-2024
Prizes: 1st place $200, 2nd place $150, 3rd place $100, 4th place $75, 5th place $50
Theme: Not Everything Is As It Seems To Be
The story should include a twist, such as a Horror Story with a Wholesome Twist or vice versa. The twist should turn the story upside down on its head. Explore topics like what the twist of your story will be, the possibility of a romantic twist in a horror story environment, and how you will develop your characters. Consider writing about a scary character with a gentle side, a seemingly cold and manipulative character with noble intentions, or a villain with a heroic reason for their actions.
Rules:
- No green texts or sh!posts please, go for a proper short story (Coherency, consistency, and tensing are the watchwords)
- No pedophilic shit will be tolerated. No sexual scenes between minors will be allowed in the entries. A high-school romantic fling for example is allowed as long as no XXX or Sexual scenes are present.
- Your Story MUST have a TWIST of some sort present. The Twist in your story can be about anything as long as it changes the emotions, theme, and dynamic of said story. Optimally, there needs to be sufficient setup that the twist is either hinted at until it happens (amateur).a complete surprise (pro). or only becomes apparent after re-reading the story (expert).
- Your story can be set in any location/any time period, involve/parody any characters from fiction, it can be compliant to MGE; however, write your characters like actual people. DE or magic brainwashing is allowed (If you want to make meta-references to what’s “expected” from a given species, that’s cool) Feel free to modify/rewrite your MG/MB species as you see fit.
- There is No Minimum Word Limit, but please try to have three acts or something close (Stories featuring slow-burn relationships and/or compelling characters will be favored) The more chapters/content, the better!
- Dark endings, Sad Endings, Good Endings, Bitter Sweet Endings, feel free to go as dark or as light as you want (A sex scene will NOT give you extra credit)
- (Optional) Submission advice: I recommend submitting your entry to #writing_event 3 days prior to the Deadline, or Dm it to @stolenbodyparts. Do this if you want to avoid other participants from taking ideas from your entry; If you are okay with others reading your works, then submit it to #writitng_event whenever you are ready.
- Extra credit rules:
.5 bonus point for your story if you: have a story that goes over 5,000 words
1 bonus point for your story if you: have a story that goes over 10,000 words
1.5 bonus point for your story if you: have a story that goes over 15,000 words
1 bonus point to anyone who uses/references an MGs/MBs that are generally underserved by the community.
1 bonus point to anyone who gets Art for their story : )
I, four other judges will be reviewing the entries, five judges will be voting to avoid ties. The other judges will remain anonymous to make sure there is no foul play between competitors and judges.
30 out of 30 rating system
(this is an illustrated example, judges can have any reason to give the score they give)
| Fun Read | Im intrigued | Wowza Gimmie more | |
| Needs work on story consistency and or setting. Needs to improve grammar | 0-3 | 4-7 | 8-10 |
| Good and fun read but needs some cleaning up, and or setting tweaking | 11-13 | 14-17 | 18-20 |
| Phenomenal read! Little to no mistakes and followed all requirements | 21-23 | 24-27 | 28-30 |
Adoptable Stories/Plots & Characters for the Event to Get Your Brain Running
(Feel free to use and build off of as you please)
Make sure to include a TWIST! for Credit!
You will not receive bonus points for choosing these prompts
- Negan from The Walking Dead as a MG/MB
- The Horror Movie monster “The Thing” but as a MG/MB
- Pulp fiction but MGs/MBs
- Literally any horror movie (The Shining, Halloween, etc.)
- Twilight Zone parody with MGs/MBs
- Any haunting/curse film, but from the perspective of the monster
- INCEPTION, MG/MB version
- Truman Show MG/MB version
- Red Dead Redemption-esque story with MGs/MBs
- Django Unchained with MGs/MBs
Results:
1st- Hanii Aburame https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GduGn-QUx1qj5y_U6XmWluL5K7A2pNXv6aFfkVzqx_s/edit
2nd- Laaren https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tySuYTZ0XIGQOh_Vf230s0O_jwqb5rWdP6aAvslHFBQ/edit
3rd- Coyo https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lpAzgDu8oZY4t4Bf2MiZHkeBSP-GljqC7tcAqIE7XWY/edit
4th- LamiasGiveBestCuddles https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JSldQ2zkYKl6RsAY5DMrAOw_13DluUW_GVggyr6FboM/edit
5th- momodoodles https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QwS-Uc1fd1wSTkk6sFqsmto5NCWarT04jCC7iw3fPEY/edit
❤️HONORABLE MENTION❤️ 6th- Badmanners https://rentry.co/xpddrhch
7th- Circuitry of Night https://docs.google.com/document/d/109BWVMz2T0MQ4XiO_F7no9DUL_9K0MlNSIBl6sd4CLs/edit
8th- Mousykins https://touchfluffytail.org/story/spelves-space-elves/
9th- Pokemonaces https://touchfluffytail.org/story/trauma-born-of-sinners/
10th- Atumnchain https://touchfluffytail.org/story/28409/
11th- Thelegitglitz https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jfbNCJbiWA6aNpovxHKDzBQFh_gg9JMqXjgtUJu8Mvs/edit#heading=h.l1ud5rs6nlpx
Submissions Feedback
- Author: Thelegitglitz
Title of Work: The Mind Hunter’s Prey
Thoughts:
Quaelo- I’m a sucker for painting a picture and that’s what this story did. Reading through the story I felt like I could picture the entire world. I will say a few grammatical errors and the pacing between the House get-together all the way to the Beach scene, felt a bit rushed and hazy, which is to be expected from a time-crunch contest. Would love to see this story touched up for a re-read. The twist was a big one, from Reilly being a MindFlayer, to the whole city being run by a Secret Monster society, which I really enjoyed. All in all, a great read, and hope to see more stories from this Author
Doc- Starts off as someone projecting hard. It is difficult to read with the events unfolding like an idealized dream of someone stuck in a dead-end in life. Characters feel as if they lack emotion. Good at poking fun of brands with beyond a satirical view with the prime example being “Landlord Evil 4”. Mid-story dialogue trails and feels like rehearsal movie dialogue. Relationship between characters seems inconsistent, if done intentionally, not made clear. Action scenes go by as descriptions rather than giving genuine action, should include things to ratchet up the feel, ex. “He could feel his heart beat in sync with the THWACK THWACK of the fire axe making short work of the elderly oak door. Fine craftsmanship turned to splinters as his hopes of Bob being wrong with his conspiracy nonsense turned to tatters.” The descriptions given at the end leave me wanting, there’s clear skill in the setup but it feels lacking in the execution. Twist didn’t feel “twisty”, felt too upfront with inspirations in the beginning of the story which makes all of the following events predictable. Has all the framework of something good, but leaves me wanting. Overall grammar is stellar, I would be challenged to find an issue. Spelling is great.
ZER0- I’m with Doc on most of this. The story’s like a story being told 3rd-hand, so everything feels muted, and not truly “immediate”. The action scenes feel disconnected, as if everything’s taking place through a filter. Even the resolution feels a little too convenient. Overall, the story really needs to feel more visceral, and as there are two other entries in the contest that use a similar formula, but do it better, this one’s kind of mid. The spelling and grammar are top-notch, with only a couple minor errors.
- Author: MomoDoodles
Title of Work: The House That Spoke
Thoughts :
Quaelo- Another story with intense imagery, the pacing and formatting could use a bit of work, but where the story really shines is it’s emotion. Reading through the story I could feel exactly what the characters felt. From sadness to dread, all the way to suspense. The only issue that I have is that the twist was mediocre for me. Really well written, but definitely needs some touch ups.
Doc- Starting off with minimal errors. Introduces a great character with what one might call misguided hope in the same vein of what heros are made of. Too many periods for my taste, this writing utilizes harvard-style period spacing and whilst it is grammatically correct to a clinical degree, it in some cases, detracts from an excellent flow that was nearly produced, ex. “The show was a familiar one. One where the stage was scuffed from so many repeat productions.” -> “The show was a familiar one, one where the stage was scuffed from so many repeat productions.” (or even … would do to feel more continuous). Amazing characterization of panic. The depiction of violence is so real as to draw a guttural reaction from anyone who has experienced it. By the time I reached page 17, I simply said aloud “Jesus fucking christ”. The struggles portrayed here feel genuine, along with the reactions portrayed. I am left wanting by the ending. The last bit feels a bit “pan to camera, main character looks at camera, ‘well that just happened'”. I would say this story has all the qualifications for a twist.
ZER0- I like this one, but can’t score it higher due to the choppy flow. The split between the past and present feels as abrupt as it should be, with the visceral creeping dread of the first half in sharp contrast to the desperate tension of the second. There are a few tensing issues, but a good edit would smooth those out as well as fix the flow. The ending leaves me wanting to find out how things will proceed from here…
- Author: Circuitry of Night
Title of Work: Compounded Interests
Thoughts :
Quaelo- Definitely an interesting read I’ll say, Unexpecting twist, and a comedic plot. Will say the pacing needs some work, and its needs to be a bit clearer in my opinion. Regardless the Twist caught me off guard, and I’m happy that this story had a good ending.
Doc- Great integrated comedy. The use of visual cues like font change show an awareness of the reader that matches the perspective used. Dialogue in font area could stand to be split up better. Twist is hilarious, reminds me of a saying in a friend group, “All women are feds to distract you from your real goals”. Kind of wished that it continued on that track of the main character getting dragged out of the building kicking and screaming about feds as he was hauled off to a psych eval. Overall fun read but lacks the weight of some of the other submissions.
ZER0- This one’s definitely more of a straight-up comedy than the others. The twist takes a sec to reveal itself, but when it does, all of a sudden a lot of little nods and references in the earlier parts of the story begin to stand out. The pacing could use a few fixes, and the fact that it’s in 2nd person may turn some people off, but overall, not too bad.
- Author: Pkace04
Title of Work: Trauma Born Sinners
Thoughts:
Doc- Intro skips along, but not in a bad way. Some parts could use with a little more description, but fast tracks reader into learning about the character. The inclusion of philipino culture adds to this story’s unique stature. The story proceeds a bit quick for my taste, the author could slow down and give more detail in a scene to better portray a mood. Dialogue is really well thought out and well characterized. When the twist came, it was a bit rough to the pace to have to go and look up what this creature was. The lewd scenes were a little crude compared to the rest of the writing. It almost felt out of place. It also seems to throw an opportunity for developing character traumas and emotions to the wayside in favor of lewd writing. If a few more descriptions had been given as to what a lot of the philipino cultural elements were and the surroundings, then the story would have been a par above.
ZER0- I can’t really bring myself to like this one. Structurally, and grammatically, it’s fantastic, the writing is (mostly) quite polished. My first nitpick was not including a translation of each Filipino saying beneath in italics, would definitely have helped the flow. For example:
Anong gagawin mo?
(What will you do?)
Another issue, I think, is that neither of the main characters is truly likable. Their difficult upbringings aside, neither really seems to have moved past their inciting traumas, and rather seems to have this simmering core of darkness within them that’s not comfortable to look at. The fact that both characters seem to have resorted to blaming God for a lot of what’s happened to them isn’t too kosher either.
The lewd scene really feels almost jarring and out-of place, especially since it’s between two clearly damaged people, and will not be resulting in anything approaching a healthy relationship, but rather a codependent one.
Quaelo- Definitely a hefty read, loved the emotion I felt while reading it. The inclusion of “religious issues” helped me relate more to the story. In terms of the twist, I liked how to included a little more than one twist. It surprised me that she was a Vampire esque creature, instead of a regular vampire; but I like how it made me question did she kill her parents as well as be involved in the missing persons case? All in all amazing imagery and emotion, felt like a bit more detail could of been used, but nothing to major to complain about.
- Author: Hanii Aburame
Title of Work: Secrets of The Bayou
Thoughts:
ZER0- I like this one! There’s a very Carl Hiassen feel to it, and since his stories are all about Florida, and tend to involve the Everglades in some way, this was where my head went. I liked how the twist isn’t explicitly stated, or rather, there are multiple twists, and they build and build in a natural way. The fact that it’s integrated with the author’s other stories is also a nice touch. Finally, the fact that one of the final twists is spelled out, but not explicitly stated is also worthy of massive kudos. Well Done! Can’t wait to read the next story in this shared universe.
Doc- As someone who grew up in the south, this portrays a Cajun side that I haven’t been in touch with for a while. It almost felt like coming home in some ways, which is why it was perfect that it coincided with the character literally coming home to their own comfort place. Starting chapter 2 was a glaring error, the tea was described as bitter sweet. It ain’t the south unless it’s more sugar than water in that tea. When I complained about a lack of detail in other stories, I will henceforth point to this exact story where you give exactly enough for my mind to see exactly as you want it to. Swapping characters can be difficult for some authors but you also pull it off seamlessly. Again, another story I will point to as a great example. When the twist finally hit, it felt like I was in a small kia soul that had just been hit by a concrete truck at highway speeds. The world went rolling and I realized I couldn’t stop for the night at chapter 10. All sense of domestic or mundane feelings were swept away by the reveal. At first I was intimidated by how long this was but I am left wanting an even longer, more fleshed out story. There were bit that could have been savored longer, but alas, the story ends.
Quaelo- this story is amazing, it’s so well thought out, had an amazing pace, and I could tell the author really cared about this story. From the shuttle hints dropped in earlier chapter all the way to the end, the twists just felt so surprising and fresh. I also enjoy this story taking place in the south, I could relate to that and the vibes were on point. I also love, love, love, the monster diversity. This story meets all the requirements of the contests and it even managed to go above and beyond! Job well done!
- Author: Laaren
Title of Work: Opacity: A Venire Bruschild
Thoughts:
Quaelo- Amazing story, pacing was well thought out, I didn’t notice any big grammatical errors, the only gripe for me as to be the overall structure and formatting of the story. I will say the twist being the “Curse/Ghost” being an isekai was very funny and unexpected. Also, the catgirl Agnes was a cute and added a nice wholesome touch to the story.
Doc- One of the better stories where the romantic elements feel both natural and well thought out. I felt that there was a minor lack of detail in some places in descriptions of characters and scenes but overall a mark above some of the other submissions. Some scenes I can tell what is intended without it being said, but it may be a reach for some readers. Extremely good worldbuilding. Interesting twist, honestly overall pretty good.
ZER0- This one’s another contender for the top slot. It has a very Terry Prachett feel, and I could easily see it taking place somewhere on Discworld. The characters are not only likable, but even the twist/culprit has you feeling sorry for how they got caught up in the situation. It has a “comfortable” feel to it, and I would love to read more stories featuring these characters.
- Author: Lamiasgivebestcuddles
Title of Work: Lingering
Thoughts:
Doc- Honestly, even before reading, I’m going to give this submission a bonus if the story isn’t about lamias because that would be a real twist. Oh my god it’s not about lamias holy fuck we have a fucking winner here. Actual notes: Minor grammatical and spelling errors. Excellent job misdirecting the reader prior to the twist. Overall good read. Short, concise, leaves me wanting a fully fleshed out story.
Quaelo- holy shit this is what I’m talking about! This story had twist and turns and had me constantly asking questions all the way till the end even! This story had a few grammatical errors and the structure could use some work but the pacing, the emotion, YES. This is what I expect when I want a twist!
ZER0- This one… This one actually made me sit back and give my head a shake, as if I was shaking off the effects of a mental whammy myself… The fact that there were multiple twists that actually could give an unprepared reader some serious whiplash is a mark in this one’s favor. The only real structural thing I can point out is that the dialogue could stand to be broken out, so it’s a bit clearer, but otherwise, the author fully understood the assignment, and delivered!
- Author: Coyo
Title of Work: Prison of Mine
Thoughts:
Doc- Interesting pace with fun setpieces. The fact that I have no critiquing notes speaks to the quality of both the twist and the world constructed.
ZER0- This one feels… Incomplete. The setpieces on their own have the highly detailed, yet disjointed feel of a dreamworld INCEPTION-style, and that’s really good. The only complaint I have is that there’s no real resolution at the end, but I suppose that’s kind of the point? Just like the ending to INCEPTION, interestingly enough…
Quaelo- This story has two things that I love, Monster Diversity and a Twist. Had multiple underserved MGs present and the twist was definitely surprising, even the ending being bitter sweet gave it a nice touch. I like how I was able to feel the story was mostly a dream, I even managed to partially guess the twist. But the twist was powerful enough to still leave me surprised. Few grammatical errors, but similar to Lamia’s story I would love to know what happens next!
- Author: Autumnchain
Title of Work: Treat Your Prisoners Well
Thoughts:
Doc- Could use spacing better for organization, large unsightly chunks of text may make it harder for some readers to make it through. Combat reads a bit like a top down of a civil war battle. There were multiple points in this story that could be considered a twist, but most of them seemed light. All and all fine, minimal errors, if any. Needs more visceral detail and action.
ZER0- This one… feels a bit… Recycled? It’s like the author had this one just sitting around, and by coincidence, it happens to fit the contest. It’s got this oddly disconnected feel to it, like all the action is taking place behind a screen, or at a distance. There really needs to be more emotional weight to it, and more detail about why the battle that frames much of the story is even taking place, and what are the stakes if the humans lose. It’s as if all the framing bits were chopped away, leaving an incomplete core to work with.
Quaelo- this story is short, sweet and had multiple little twists, love the seeing the Dullahan. From the soldier losing the battle, to be converted, to subdueing her lover, I was left surprised. The story felt like cut away story from a MGE type universe; However this story makes up for it with good writing and pacing, that in my opinion, works. All in all the flow and writing makes it’s great short and sweet read.
- Author: Rawbooty Girlyman
Title of Work: Skin Deep
Thoughts:
Quaelo- Excellent storytelling and pacing, for a story so short. There were A few grammatical errors, but nothing a little polishing couldn’t fix. The twist that the wife was a kitsune was definitely surprising. The story itself told so much. For instance, when did the kitsune meet the Husband, and when did she replace his wife? And what will she do after she gets her kin? Kill the husband? Stay with him? All in all great story.
Doc- Excellent technical descriptions. Minimal errors. Scenes plump with both detail and good word choice. The unspecified horror and nonspecificity of the creatures here benefits the mystery of the story. Only issues are with some formatting with some speech not closed off correctly.
ZER0- I didn’t care for this one. Structurally, it’s sound, and the world has a real wild west feel to it, but I didn’t like the two monsters, and really felt for the hapless victim. Overall, there was this very The Hills Have Eyes feeling, and I’ve never even seen that movie. So, good job, I guess?
- Author: Mouseykins
Title of Work: Spelves
Thoughts:
Quaelo- Wow, what a story, worldbuilding is definitely there, has me wondering if you had this planned out for a while or came up with it on the stop. Definitely well put together, and the character interaction is amazing. Each one has their own thoughts and I’m glad I could tell who was speaking just by the tone. My biggest complaint is the twist. Penload coming out and putting together a whole concert and confessing his love for PO was really eh in my opinion. But a Twist is a Twist, I gotta recognize a well-thought-out story when I see one.
Doc- DAAAA DA DA DAAAA DA DA DAAAAA THE G TEAM
Drawings are a nice touch. Minor errors, sometimes speech is not properly indicated as to who is speaking but it can be guessed for the most part. Crude elf lesbians is in fact a fun idea. The pacing and scenes seemed to skip a bit. It both does favor and ill for the story in different ways, one, making it feel akin to an action movie as elicited by the intro, but on the other hand, removes flow in the story. All and all, it does have everything needed for a b-rate action movie, but holds similar complaints with some of the other entries. When the action ratchets up, the text reads like a description of a battle in a civil war documentary. It’s dry, and needs big hitting phrases to match what the author is trying to do. I’m also not sure about what qualifies this story as to have a twist besides the ending love letter, which all and all is tertiary to the story, whilst the core of other entries is entirely about the twist.
ZER0- It’s the A-Team. But with Elves. In Spaaaaace. The twist doesn’t really fit here either, a lot like the Dullahan story. This would likely have been better served as a story that remixes a known quantity in a new and unique way. As Doc said, the action really doesn’t pull you in, and feels like it’s taking place at a certain remove. Since there’s a fairly desperate escape and final battle, those scenes need to be punchier, with better pacing, and more visceral feel. I need to be able to smell, the smoke, so to speak. Structurally, its sound, the worldbuilding is good, and I wouldn’t mind another adventure or two featuring these characters.
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