Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 6- Tact and Tactical


“Who are you working for?” the cupid snapped impatiently. “There’s no way a dumbass like you could traffic all those extraspecies by yourself!”

Nope- not gonna dignify that question with a response. I keep quiet as I suddenly catch a whiff of formaldehyde.

“You’re making this too easy, Custer.” a voice familiar taunted.

God damn it- of course it had to be Zombina. FUCK! That smirking ginger zombie had to be enjoying every moment of this.

“Tell that chopper to move to the assembly area- I can’t fly five feet thanks to the rotor wash!” the cupid barked to somebody over the radio.

“Ma’am- this is a crime scene.” I can hear one of the other officers say. “I’m going to have to ask you to keep back.”

Only she wasn’t talking to Zombina.

“Hold up! Hold up!” another familiar voice called out.

The pushy raccoon-dog drew incredulous glares from the cupid and zombie as she made her way through the police cordon as though she was daring anybody to stop her.

“I’m sure you girls would get in really big trouble with the U.S. Attorney’s Office if their big case got thrown out because my client was roughed up while in your custody.” Akagane continued, looking around reproachfully at Bina, the cupid and other officers still in tactical gear.

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 5- Friday Night Flights


“You naughty little trash panda.” I tease. “Why would you think our chaperone is just gonna let us walk out of here?”

“Anta-wa…… Tanuki desu.” the canine lawyer growled in Japanese, which I found endearing for some reason. “Anyways- I’m way ahead of you, Buckaroo.”

“Way ahead of me…how?”

Instead of answering my question right away, she looks around to see if Zombina is paying attention.

She’s not- her attention is directed at the field for now. Apparently she’s digging the band’s performance much more than either one of us.

Akagane begins rummaging through her purse and pulls out a copy of the Llano County Argus-Prospector before giving it a cursory look. She then pulls a leaf from her considerable cleavage and with a small puff of smoke, the newspaper changed into something else.

A comic book. The art style looked like some sort of manga and the cover art…..

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 4- Bird Dogging


“C’on Perri. Quit being so difficult and just get on down here.”

“Why? So you can get drunk and make me sleep in the barn again?” she asks loud enough for everyone to hear.

That flying fucking bullshit artist. I can’t see from down here, but I’m sure she has that infuriating smirk right now.

I grit my teeth.

“That’s…..” I begin to say through the megaphone. This wasn’t a mistake or a misunderstanding on her part- she was straight-up lying about my treatment of her in front of pretty much the whole county. Instinctively I was going to say “That’s not true” but then inspiration struck me.

Why not fight her bullshit with more bullshit?

“That’s because you keep dive-bombing my schnauzer! The poor thing is terrified of you now!”

Oh the look on her face. She’s been getting used to goading and teasing me, but not being on the receiving end of such treatment. The surprise and indignation on Perri’s face was visible even from my lowly position on the ground, and it was sweeter than any gooey, caramel covered confectionary.

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 3- Las Doncellas de Xochiquetzal


“I’m convinced that you are in no way intoxicated, Mr. Host.”

“What the hell was that all about!?” I pant, bringing up my hat so that I can see.

“The oldest daughter in prior host family taught capoeira- she gave me a few lessons.”

“Capoeira?”

“It’s a fighting style that originates from Brazil that incorporates common dance moves into-“

“I…I know what it is, Perri.” I mumble. “I’m just wondering why…”

“In Japan, I couldn’t fly as much as I would’ve preferred- but my host family sought other ways for me to remain physically active.”

“But…you’re….an apex predator! That’s like teaching a 700 lb gorilla how to use a crossbow!”

“Are you calling me a gorilla?” she scowled at me.

“I could call you a lot worse than that.”

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 2- Bird’s The Word


I turned around to see two rather homely women- both human and standing at the entrance. The shorter, chubbier one with scraggly blonde hair was looking at Perri and myself with a disgusted sneer on her face while she held up a camera phone.

“Remember that golf-ball sized clump of bird shit on the hood of your car last week?” the taller, far more masculine one began to bellow out. “I guess we know who the responsible party is.”

The gruesome twosome took a couple of steps into the pharmacy.

“Wonder what she’s doing here. Don’t those things eat like…..worms and seeds and shit like that?” chubs asked loudly as she was walking right past Perri.

“You know, I heard that these bird-girls are an all female species. They need human men to reproduce.” Chubs said.

“Really? Apparently they haven’t heard of these things called ‘standards’.” Butchie sneered at her friend. “Seems like they’ll sleep with any pathetic, trashy piece of shit to keep the species going.”

As I’m gritting my teeth, Perri seems to be trying to burn a hole into the countertop using just her eyes.

“Ew…what kind of loser is desperate enough to try and score with a girl who’s part bird, anyway?”

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 1- Terms and Conditions Apply


“If it’s not too much trouble, we’ll take you up on your offer. But first, you should meet your new homestay.”

I look around- surely it isn’t the redhead with patchwork skin on her face in the black and yellow jacket. She looks like she’s all business, and right now her business was babysitting this mysterious new guest and Smith. There was the other one off on the property somewhere that I caught a glimpse of on the way in.

As I turned to look around for her, I was aware of a darkness sweeping over me. It wasn’t a cloud- it was something else. Looking up, I briefly catch a silhouette of something with a distinctly feminine outline swooping down on me from above, a pair of outstretched feathery wings backlit by the glare of the sun.

An Angel?

Time stands still and that thought is quickly dispelled as something big whizzes by my head. Instinctively I raise my arm to shield my face, but the looming figure is gone just as quickly as she’s shown up.

And so is my Stetson.

I wheel around, not finding it on the ground right away. Still unsure of what’s going on, I see my hat being clutched in a pair of talons as a giant bird noiselessly flaps its wings over by Smith and the redhead. Only I can now see that its not a bird as the talons clutching my headgear hover a few inches off of the ground.

It’s a woman. A beautiful woman with feathery arms and a surprisingly voluptuous human figure whose legs tapered off to giant talons beneath the knees. The arms almost immediately taper off into almost surfboard-sized wings starting at the shoulder.

How can she fly with such a buxom figure? I thought harpies were supposed to be petite and slender for better flight efficiency. Her hair is platinum- almost white and she’s wearing a pair of denim cutoffs and a light colored tank top with spaghetti straps seemingly struggling to contain a rather impressive bust. With a quick kick of her talons, my hat was now being held loosely in one of her wings- a small clawed hand barely visible among her plumage as she hovers next to Smith.

Save for a tiny disdainful smirk flashed my way, she shows next to no emotion as she alights next to the woman in the dark suit.