Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 6- Tact and Tactical


“Who are you working for?” the cupid snapped impatiently. “There’s no way a dumbass like you could traffic all those extraspecies by yourself!”

Nope- not gonna dignify that question with a response. I keep quiet as I suddenly catch a whiff of formaldehyde.

“You’re making this too easy, Custer.” a voice familiar taunted.

God damn it- of course it had to be Zombina. FUCK! That smirking ginger zombie had to be enjoying every moment of this.

“Tell that chopper to move to the assembly area- I can’t fly five feet thanks to the rotor wash!” the cupid barked to somebody over the radio.

“Ma’am- this is a crime scene.” I can hear one of the other officers say. “I’m going to have to ask you to keep back.”

Only she wasn’t talking to Zombina.

“Hold up! Hold up!” another familiar voice called out.

The pushy raccoon-dog drew incredulous glares from the cupid and zombie as she made her way through the police cordon as though she was daring anybody to stop her.

“I’m sure you girls would get in really big trouble with the U.S. Attorney’s Office if their big case got thrown out because my client was roughed up while in your custody.” Akagane continued, looking around reproachfully at Bina, the cupid and other officers still in tactical gear.

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 5- Friday Night Flights


“You naughty little trash panda.” I tease. “Why would you think our chaperone is just gonna let us walk out of here?”

“Anta-wa…… Tanuki desu.” the canine lawyer growled in Japanese, which I found endearing for some reason. “Anyways- I’m way ahead of you, Buckaroo.”

“Way ahead of me…how?”

Instead of answering my question right away, she looks around to see if Zombina is paying attention.

She’s not- her attention is directed at the field for now. Apparently she’s digging the band’s performance much more than either one of us.

Akagane begins rummaging through her purse and pulls out a copy of the Llano County Argus-Prospector before giving it a cursory look. She then pulls a leaf from her considerable cleavage and with a small puff of smoke, the newspaper changed into something else.

A comic book. The art style looked like some sort of manga and the cover art…..

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 4- Bird Dogging


“C’on Perri. Quit being so difficult and just get on down here.”

“Why? So you can get drunk and make me sleep in the barn again?” she asks loud enough for everyone to hear.

That flying fucking bullshit artist. I can’t see from down here, but I’m sure she has that infuriating smirk right now.

I grit my teeth.

“That’s…..” I begin to say through the megaphone. This wasn’t a mistake or a misunderstanding on her part- she was straight-up lying about my treatment of her in front of pretty much the whole county. Instinctively I was going to say “That’s not true” but then inspiration struck me.

Why not fight her bullshit with more bullshit?

“That’s because you keep dive-bombing my schnauzer! The poor thing is terrified of you now!”

Oh the look on her face. She’s been getting used to goading and teasing me, but not being on the receiving end of such treatment. The surprise and indignation on Perri’s face was visible even from my lowly position on the ground, and it was sweeter than any gooey, caramel covered confectionary.

Bird’s Eye View: Chapter 2- Bird’s The Word


I turned around to see two rather homely women- both human and standing at the entrance. The shorter, chubbier one with scraggly blonde hair was looking at Perri and myself with a disgusted sneer on her face while she held up a camera phone.

“Remember that golf-ball sized clump of bird shit on the hood of your car last week?” the taller, far more masculine one began to bellow out. “I guess we know who the responsible party is.”

The gruesome twosome took a couple of steps into the pharmacy.

“Wonder what she’s doing here. Don’t those things eat like…..worms and seeds and shit like that?” chubs asked loudly as she was walking right past Perri.

“You know, I heard that these bird-girls are an all female species. They need human men to reproduce.” Chubs said.

“Really? Apparently they haven’t heard of these things called ‘standards’.” Butchie sneered at her friend. “Seems like they’ll sleep with any pathetic, trashy piece of shit to keep the species going.”

As I’m gritting my teeth, Perri seems to be trying to burn a hole into the countertop using just her eyes.

“Ew…what kind of loser is desperate enough to try and score with a girl who’s part bird, anyway?”