Yarrgh! Climb aboard Jacob’s ladder, raise the Jolly Roger, and drink rum with your hearties ’cause it’s time to adventure on an Old salt’s ship to the seas! Run a rig on yer captain, swab the poop deck afterward, and crack Jenny’s teacup on this adventure across a new world!Read More...
“C’on Perri. Quit being so difficult and just get on down here.”
“Why? So you can get drunk and make me sleep in the barn again?” she asks loud enough for everyone to hear.
That flying fucking bullshit artist. I can’t see from down here, but I’m sure she has that infuriating smirk right now.
I grit my teeth.
“That’s…..” I begin to say through the megaphone. This wasn’t a mistake or a misunderstanding on her part- she was straight-up lying about my treatment of her in front of pretty much the whole county. Instinctively I was going to say “That’s not true” but then inspiration struck me.
Why not fight her bullshit with more bullshit?
“That’s because you keep dive-bombing my schnauzer! The poor thing is terrified of you now!”
Oh the look on her face. She’s been getting used to goading and teasing me, but not being on the receiving end of such treatment. The surprise and indignation on Perri’s face was visible even from my lowly position on the ground, and it was sweeter than any gooey, caramel covered confectionary.Read More...
“Who are you and what are you doing in my dreams dressed like that?” I ask.
“Dressed like wh-” she doesn’t even finish her question before letting out a little shriek and reflexively covering herself up with her arms as she looked down, even though I couldn’t see anything too salacious from where I was standing.
“Oh…oh my…..you must have greater control of this dreamscape than I anticipated.” she observed timidly. “Not quite full lucid dreaming, but still…..”
Come to think of it, the beautiful, bespectacled bovine woman in this dream kitchen is (barely) dressed in a manner that seems a bit reminiscent of the Gil Elvgren or Freeman Elliot pin-ups I’m so fond of.
“Please…” she implored me. “I…I can tell you what you would like to know, but can I get something a little less revealing?”
Wait a sec- I have the power to dress and undress her in my dreams? Well now- this could be pretty fun.
The apron vanishes altogether, and my bovine visitor has one arm draped across her voluminous breasts and her hand covering up between her legs.
“KYAAAAA! I…I’ve been tarnished forever. Nobody will want to marry me now!” my uninvited visitor lamented as she tired even harder to conceal herself. “I’m a sage with 400 years experience in this field- why would you even want to do such a thing to me, young man?”
“Hang on, hang on….” I try to reassure herRead More...
“I’m convinced that you are in no way intoxicated, Mr. Host.”
“What the hell was that all about!?” I pant, bringing up my hat so that I can see.
“The oldest daughter in prior host family taught capoeira- she gave me a few lessons.”
“It’s a fighting style that originates from Brazil that incorporates common dance moves into-“
“I…I know what it is, Perri.” I mumble. “I’m just wondering why…”
“In Japan, I couldn’t fly as much as I would’ve preferred- but my host family sought other ways for me to remain physically active.”
“But…you’re….an apex predator! That’s like teaching a 700 lb gorilla how to use a crossbow!”
“Are you calling me a gorilla?” she scowled at me.
“I could call you a lot worse than that.”Read More...
-Anon wants to make a horror film starring real monsters but quickly learns their “talents” lie elsewhere-
“Get off me, GET OFF ME!” The man screams, as the shambling hoard greedily lunges at his flesh. The mass of writhing bodies collapses onto the floor on top of their victim as he howls bitterly in despair. Cold, pale hands hungrily claw all over his body, desperately pulling and tearing wherever they can as their prey screams and struggles against inevitability.
One inhumanly strong hand greedily clutches its victim by the shoulder and its owner crawls up to the desperately thrashing man’s face. The creature opens its mouth full of razor sharp teeth and-
Affectionately nuzzles his neck
“Oh for fu- CUT!” This is the fourth time this afternoon. I don’t care if it takes all day, these girls are going to do it right.
“But I thought that went really well!” The Zombie pouts, still straddling her victim.
I get up off my directors chair. It’s technically a carp fishing chair, but it helps me feel like the real thing. It’ll have to make do until I prove myself through this project. “Where’s the aggression? Where’s the inhumanity?”
“Well, I am raping him, you can’t get more aggressive than that!” She argues, hands on hips. I can see this isn’t going to be easy.
“What? No, you’re supposed to be eating him.”
“WHAT THE FUCK!?”
“Obviously not for real!” Fuck Craigslist, these extras are terrible even by the usual standard. “Grab a bunch of those organs over there and just cram them in your mouth, like you’re-”
“BUT I’M VEGETARIAN!”
“Wait, we’re the bad guys?”Read More...
-Anon must suffer the world’s worst dungeon keeper as he assists her in repelling a Paladin attack-
“Adam…” Shanna murmured, her thighs twitching in anticipation. Her attention was now entirely focused on me, leaving her character at the mercy of the enemy hordes. She stood up and the bathrobe slid to the floor in a heap around her ankles, completely exposing her pale, shapely body. We both stared longingly into each others eyes, as her delicate hands slid down my chest towards my belt and began do undo the buckles. I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her mouth, slightly biting her lower lip and causing the lich to pull my head in for a deeper, more passionate kiss. Our tongues began to slowly explore their way around each others mouths as a slight moan of pleasure whimpered from Shanna’s throat. A few impatient tugs later and my belt came loose, followed by my pants.
She slipped down onto her knees, and reached out for the hard object in front of her. The liches fingers lovingly caressed it, teasing and stroking in all the right places with finesse. Her skill wasn’t surprising; she’d done this countless times before, and she only got better at it with each passionate session. The lich gazed lovingly at her handiwork with a faint smirk as she saw the thing beginning to react to the stimulation. She looked up at me and our eyes met.
“For fucks sake, Shanna, Put down the DS!”Read More...
Somebody wrote in their secret diary: Unhappy with their own thoughts, they finally find happiness. Or happiness finds them. Well, somebody finds happiness. Happiness fills their thoughts. Everybody is happy now. Everybody is happy in the end.Read More...
Another commission piece of a dude and a dragon. A bit serendipitous, but hey, sometimes good things can happen.Read More...
Found these old journal pages scattered on the road on my way to work. Intriguing to say the least. Posted for your reading pleasure. I’ll put more up more later…Read More...
Nurse Artemis certainly knows how to make an impression. Dark skin, bright red hair, a firm, muscular body with child bearing hips and cleavage you could drown in… crowned by glowing red eyes and bright white fangs. A vampire is an apex predator designed to hunt human beings… and now she has her eyes set on one of her patients, and there’s no going back.Read More...