Jason’s log. Star date: Who gives a shit.
After traveling back to the portal site, I fully intended to set fire to everything there, as well as any other Skarliks that I may have missed. But then I started thinking. Dangerous, I know.
This portal problem might actually have a silver lining in it. So I made the decision to haul back as much as I could, multiple trips if necessary. It was risky and time consuming, but it was the only bit of my world that I had left. And being able to use Earthly weapons to kick some ass when I needed to was important. I fought for survival, not for the thrills. Well… sometimes for the thrills.
Fuck if I knew when or if these portals would stop opening. If there’s one thing for sure about wormholes, it’s that nothing’s for sure.
Despite the silver lining, these portals still managed to bite me in the ass. On one hand, equipment, tech, and other goodies did tend to come through the portals, giving me more toys to work with and expand my inventory. On the other hand, these portals would most likely bring more Skarliks into this world; that was definitely a red flag. Even a few Skarliks could be big trouble for any world they decided to invade. I’d seen that first hand, and I didn’t want to see it again. I wasn’t about to let the Skarliks go loose in this world. The gear to be acquired was great, but I might just have to kill to get it. With great power comes great responsibility and all that stuff. Thanks Uncle Ben.
I temporarily lived in my little clubhouse just outside of Vallick until I eventually acquired a room in another hotel. This one was run by a Manticore. Great, now instead of fearing being sucked dry in the night, I now had to put up with that funny taste in all of my drinks. That’s gonna show up in my rating.
Besides, my old hotel room was off limits. The whole place had been quarantined due to a Biohazard outbreak of some kind super hormone drug, go figure. Even Tifa and her employees not only had to be quarantined for a month, but also get the instant-rapist drug flushed out of their system. Luckily I managed to elude going into rehab. Yeah wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
The past few months were busy indeed but surprisingly didn’t include Skarliks. The only things to come out of the last couple of portals were equipment, which I hauled back to my solar-powered workshop. Not exactly a power plant, but it suited my needs. A regular home away from home.
Since a tracking device, two laserguns, and a helmet weren’t exactly my idea of a BFG-9000, I spend my days tirelessly building tools, weapons, or anything else that could be useful to survive in this world. Or sometimes I just got bored and built something for fun. Such as a primitive Christmas light show made from a computer circuit, a string of lights, and a speaker. Cue the Trans-Siberian Orchestra Carol of the Bells on my ipod and I’m set for the holidays. Maybe I could get a Harpy and a Holstaur to help me with some eggnog.
Recently, I’d been spending a couple days in Haybrew. You want bottom-of-the-barrel, you got Haybrew. Bottom-of-the-beer-barrel, was more like it. If Vallick was Miami, Haybrew was Chicago. 1930s Chicago at that. You got gangs, rapists, thieves, rapists, thugs, rapists, slums, rapists, murderers, and more rapists. To be far, everywhere in this world had mamano rapists, but here is where raping a guy was practically a sporting event. Think of Bill Cosby on American Gladiators sponsored by the Price is Right. Bob Barker got lots of pussy on that show, didn’t he?
A particular tavern caught my interest. People were drinking away their problems at jobs they didn’t have. A few ass clowns were dancing poorly to the poor musicians. Lead by example, I suppose. Of course there was sex going on in various locations. Did I mention rape? Some High Orc was dragging a skinny, weeping bastard by his leg out the back door and off to puberty. Hell of a way to make a man out of someone.
I enjoyed being there as much as Fay Wray enjoyed being on King Kong’s tour of New York City, but I wasn’t exactly there for the scenery. I just had to be on my guard. Haybrew was the premier “resort” for selling and acquiring pricey loot. Loot that couldn’t even be sold in bigger cities behind the black curtain. As if a black, porno section curtain would ever exist in this fucked up world. But gambling is what I had my eye on. Fortunately card games existed in this world. Ironically, no Yu-Gi-Oh.
“I got a full house” said the busty Amazoness sitting across from me.
“Oh now that’s pretty cute” I said through my face helmet. In these parts, best to have a secret superhero identity.
“And here all I have is two pairs of Queens… I mean Maous”. We were playing with a special deck. “Four of a kind, Jungle Janet” I smugly said, basking in the thrill of victory.
The expression of the Amazoness along with her Dryad and Hinezumi cronies didn’t so much sour as it did stupefy. The surrounding audience gasps turned into cheers. Well, cheers and a couple of Succubi took their tops off and threw them on my head. Guess that makes me a fucking rockstar now.
“How’s that for an afterglow?” I said quietly removing their dignity from my head. I claimed my spoils; three vials containing magical barrier elixirs. Great for shielding against whatever shit may hit the fan on the battlefield. A rare favorite among Succubi who went into combat.
On top of my Earthly stash, I’d began collecting elixirs as well. Yeah being immune to magic was bitchin’, but that also meant that I couldn’t use magic that came from the mind or body. To expand my weaponry, I had to use tools, like potions, rather than sorcery. Oh well I was more of a Star Trek kind of guy rather than a Star Wars “force” kind of guy.
While Lady Gaga here was better than other opponents I’d faced, she still lacked a good poker face. Probably because mamano relied so heavily on their charm spells to blind guys into making mistakes. Or just jump on the table and twerk until the dude folded like a deck of cards. So I took great pleasure in making their magical mind games crash and burn in glorious fashion. Wish I had my phone on me. I would have loaded my Facebook page with pictures of their dumbfounded expressions. Hashtag GetGood.
I felt the crowd eye-raping me as I tucked my winnings into my coat and prepared to depart.
Back on Earth, I may not have been a repulsive looking dude, but I still never had much luck at attracting the opposite sex. My best chemistry I could sometimes get with a woman was like a hobo and a bottle of booze; good for a while, but eventually ending up in a street gutter. Here, on the other hand, I made Elvis Presley look like a chump.
Being eye-balled by a horde of lusty sex pots was flattering but also a bit unnerving. Yeah, it wasn’t quite as thrilling as I thought it would be, at least in this shithole of a town. I felt less like a pimp and more like a chunk of meat with a pack of lions ready to devour me. And that’s pretty much what they considered me. A sausage no doubt.
Now I know how Megan Fox feels.
Maybe my mask was intimidating enough to make them think twice about making a move. Good. I just had to keep up the mystique long enough to get to the door and flee. I did my best badass walk I could as I walked away.
But my John Wayne moment was cut short as the Amazoness had other plans.
“Hey, Stranger!” she called in a piercing voice. “You’re not planning on leaving are you? We still have some unfinished business. You got your spoils, now I want mine”.
“I’m not a tattoo parlor, pilgrim”. Oops, still thinking of John Wayne. “Too much of that could get you limb cancer.” I said as my spider sense started to tingle.
She had already stood up by the time I turned around. She then effortlessly threw the table against the wall with one arm. “I promised these girls an exhibition, tonight. And you’re the only guy still here”.
A sore loser and a show off. She was an Amazoness; go figure.
I actually wasn’t the only guy here. Just the only guy who hadn’t been dragged off. The last one on the bench for the big game so to speak.
“I don’t recall leaving anything else on the table for you. Unless you want to go back on our little wager”.
“Who’s going back on our wager? You were going to be my toy the moment you sat across from me. Win or lose. So what are you complaining for? You’re still walking away with the winnings like we wagered. That is if you can still walk after tonight”.
Spoken like a true rapist. No wonder she didn’t try to seduce me during our game.
“Ever consider telling your opponents before they agree to play your game?”
“It’s part of the wager every time a human is foolish enough to challenge me. It’s just more fun to make it a surprise” she said inciting a chuckle from her two henchwomen.
“Foolish? Maybe. But I’m not the one who lost to a fool, am I?” I said, giving her something to think about.
“Why you little…” she said as her face started turning red. I wasn’t sure if it was due to me pissing her off for embarrassing her in front of her hoe train or arousing her with my sweet talk. “You best not anger me, boy. You’ll only make it worse on yourself”.
Okay, I was a little over thirty years old. I know I really wasn’t a grizzled John Wayne by any means, but calling me “boy” was just plain emasculating. I could take a beating any day. At least you came out with some battle scars for show and tell. But being belittled like that was like having to say “I love you” to your mom in front of your entire high school. You would spend the rest of your classes crammed in a locker.
With everything that I had been through at this point since being dropped into this fucked up world, I felt I was owed more respect than that. I’d seen more shit than this bitch who spends her days pillaging guys out of their money and pants. Now I was the one who was pissed off.
“Call me ‘boy’ again and I’ll shove your tail so far up your ass it’ll be tickling your tonsils, bitch. Just let me walk away” I said with a glare so defiant she could probably see it through my helmet. I didn’t care.
“A tough guy, hmm? Good. The tough ones are always the most fun to break in” she cooed as she strolled over to me.
It wasn’t until she was right in front of me that I noticed how big Buffy the Forest Gump really was. A full head taller than me with a finely toned body, fit for combat.
Maybe I overreacted to her calling me “boy”.
“You ought to cut down on your raw meat” I said, only slightly humbled but not intimidated by her physicality.
My head came up to her considerable chest which she promptly proceeded to cushion against my face as her muscular arms trapped my head in a warm embrace.
“Unlikely for what I have in mind. Now take off that helmet, little one. I got plenty of things I want you to do with that wild tongue of yours”. Her words almost as hot as her body. I could feel the heat from her breasts through my mask. Wait, what? How is that even possible?
“Just so you know, I’m packing heat” I said with a face full of her mounds.
“Oh yes” she cooed with a blush on her face. “I think that heat is building in your dick. That’s what I’m interested in”. She began roughly fondling my balls with her tail.
Okay. Enough was enough. I’ll just have to spell it out for her.
“Just let me take my belt off, okay?” I said as I began to reach down.
“Good boy. It’s easier if you-“
Her condescending words were cut off with a cry of pain as I put a laser shot into her foot, breaking her embrace on me. Free from her cleavage, I drew one of my guns from its holster, ready for a follow up before she could retaliate. One shot to the abs dropped her to her knees, and another shot to the face knocked her backwards. She slid on the ground, stopping at the feet of her subordinates; out cold and sporting a newly born shiner on her forehead.
Those shots were low powered enough that they wouldn’t penetrate her skin and kill her. I just wanted to dry her loins, so to speak.
The Dryad tended to her fallen leader while the Hinezumi stared a hole straight through me. Or rather burned a hole right through me.
“You detestable fiend!” she hissed with a fire beginning to glow in her eyes.
Wow. This rodent really needed to work on her trash talk.
“Hey, I warned her I was packing heat. She should have just let me go and settled for using her fingers again tonight” I said, smugly smiling behind my helmet.
Through my visors, I detected Minnie Mouse beginning to build fire around her hands and feet. Her eyes flared up as she lifted her hand towards me. Yay, I got myself into a literal firefight.
“Take it easy now. She’s not dea-“
“I’ll incinerate you with real heat, you scoundrel!” she cried. Obviously my words had fallen on deaf ears… mouse ears. Looks like my night wasn’t quite over yet.
My adrenaline fired up as I dove over a nearby table, pulling it over into a shielding position. As I expected, an unseen force hit the table with a *thud* followed by some scattered flames flaring over the top of the table.
Great. Another mamano in heat, literally, for me to cool off. However, I really don’t think she was in the right state of mind to listen to me. But maybe my two sidekicks on my hips could talk some sense into her.
Time to return fire.
I readied my gun for a shot when the table was suddenly batted to the side, leaving me exposed and catching me off guard. Minnie had smacked the table aside and delivered a sharp kick to my wrist, dropping my gun.
What followed was a series of fiery punches and kicks connecting to my head and chest, knocking me to the ground. Damn, her squeak wasn’t worse than her bite. Without my armor and helmet, I wouldn’t have my eyebrows and chest hair anymore. But I wasn’t going to keep taking hits like Glass Joe from Punch Out. So I quickly got up to see her charging in for another pummeling.
I knew I didn’t have shit on her in a fist fight, but I’d had enough of her fists of fire. Best thing to do against an honorable martial artist is to fight dirty. Sure you could call me a rat but at least I didn’t have ears like one.
I sidestepped her incoming roundhouse and grabbed her waist from behind. Her skin was pretty hot but soft as could be. Quite pleasant to the touch. In fact, her whole figure was elegantly toned and curvy. Fit and busty like her leader, just on a smaller scale. But this was no time to cop a feel. Time for some pest control.
I lifted her into the air and suplexed her onto the back of her head and shoulders. And my mom said all those years of watching WWE pay-per-views wouldn’t do me any good. And with the way the other mamano were cheering us on, it could have been for a championship. I guess they’re getting their exhibition after all.
Getting to my feet, I spotted a large pitcher of liquid nearby. Without even thinking, I decided to douse the mouse as soon as she got to her feet. She didn’t even get a chance to react before she got a face full of water.
Holy shit, that was water, I thought to myself remembering that I was in a tavern. If that had been alcohol in that pitcher, this place could have went full Hindenburg. What kind of a dumbass plan was that, you idiot!? You gonna let dumb luck keep your ass in one piece!?
As her flames sizzled away, she turned her attention back to me, snapping me out of my mental scolding.
“You! How dare you throw water on me? Why I’ll-” was all she got out before I fired a shot into her face with my other gun, knocking her back. Guess she forgot I was packing double the firepower.
With the Hinezumi lying on the ground and barely conscious, I turned my attention to the Dryad.
“You want to participate in the exhibition, too?” I asked pointing my weapon at her.
“No” she said shaking her head. “But… could we still have sex?”
You’re kidding me. After all of this, she just flat out asks to get into my pants? Was I actually the crazy one in this world?
“You should have opened with that! It would save me the bar-room brawling” I snarled, genuinely annoyed at the gall of this girl.
Was this like foreplay to them? To be the sexual predator and pounce on their prey?
“No, I’m good. Just… try that first next time. Ya know, before going straight for the pants”
She nodded with all the innocence of a naive child; like the thought never occurred to her. Far be it from me to withhold a fresh perspective.
“Don’t worry. Your gals will be fine. Just some bruises and headaches. And hopefully a bit wiser”.
“Can… can I at least give you a hug?” she asked with a flush of red overcoming her.
“For not killing my friends. Please…”. I saw the gentleness in her eyes. Not like the other two.
“Fine. Just don’t leave any grass stains” I muttered under my breath and opened my arms.
“Yay!” she exclaimed as she happily dashed over to me and latched onto my torso. I settled for putting one arm over her back. I’m not sure why I agreed to that. It could very well have been a trick. But she only held onto me and nuzzled against my chest. Who knows. Maybe I just hadn’t had something as nice as this for a long time.
After releasing me, she shot me a tender smile and hurried back to her friends. Allowing me to return to my badass persona.
I walked over to a Kikmora waitress who had been curiously playing with my other gun. I gave her a shock as I approached and silently held out my palm. She obediently placed the gun in my hand.
“Thanks, Fifi” I said dryly.
She blushed and looked toward the ground.
“Sorry for the fight I had to put up. But, hey, it would have been even messier if I hadn’t” I said, cringing at the thought of being passed around the tavern by a horde of monster girls competing to see who could break my pelvis first.
I walked toward the door amongst a crowd of snickering mamano of all shapes and sizes. Nope, my visor wasn’t malfunctioning. Most of them had their hands working between their legs as I strode out the door. Nice. Real nice.
“By the way, are you going to let that table keep burning?” I called to the Kikimora.
Breaking her obvious boy-shy trance, she let out an adorable gasp and began beating the flaming table with a broom.
I exited the tavern like the true gunslinger I felt like. As I mounted my horse outside, I turned back. Crammed at the door and windows was the same group of hormonal monster chicks, still molesting me with their imagination and themselves with their hands. Guess I left before all of them could finish.
That’s it. I’ve got to get out of this dump of a town, I thought to myself with a heavy sigh. Besides, I felt I had a good enough stash of elixir winnings to add to my arsenal.
I rode back to Vallick as fast as I could, praying all the way that they weren’t chasing me. I didn’t have a stick big enough to beat off that many girls.
Man, in retrospect, maybe those nights back on Earth of silently complaining about having nothing to do weren’t too bad after all.
Veina was strange, in case you didn’t pick up on that yet. I can’t tell if she is a mamano sympathizer, an Order lackey, or just plain crazy. Maybe all of the above. She has an uncanny ability to pull a Batman and sneak up on me. I don’t by her old excuse of “Hey there! I just so happen to be passing by and I just so happen to run into you. Now I’ve decided to spend the rest of the day bullshiting with you because I know you don’t have anything better to do… for the fife-hundreth fucking time”. Well to be fair, half the time I didn’t have anything better to do.
I think I have a stalker. And a good one at that. It seems she’s everywhere. Even when I’m in another town, she manages to track me down. I couldn’t help but feel uneasy at the thought. I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up strapped to a bed, only to find out that she’s gone complete Annie Wilkes on me.
She’s creative, I’ll give her that. She always has a new “topic” for us to discuss. I guess I never gave much thought as to whether an Aspara has to stretch more than an Otohime before they dance. Or how many ways could you get an Ignis to fuel a bonfire with her own special lighter fluid. Unsurprisingly, she had give that way to much thought.
Still, I can’t help but feel that there’s more to her. Maybe it’s that twinkle in her eye or those long sighs after I ramble on about something from Earth, there seem to be another side to her. Or maybe it’s how interested she is in learning about who I am. If the scholar gig didn’t work out, she’d make a great April O’ Neil, minus the banana suit.
Sure I played along with her insanity. I mean, I might as well have some fun, right? But she never lets up. Wanting to know every detail as what I did that day, what I ate, and what my gear does.
She’s especially interested in where my injuries came from; even going so far as to make sure that I’m patched up properly. Is she going for a medical degree as well? If she ends up asking about my bowel movements, I may just put a shot in her head.
For now, she seems harmless enough, if not a little mysterious, but I’m one to talk. I’ll just have to keep an eye on her. While she had an uncanny knack of showing up during my “me” time, she kind of became the highlight of my day. Working most of my days as a inter-dimensional handyman in a makeshift workshop in between a hunk of rocks, yeah I could use a little levity. Best to enjoy it while it lasts. Until the Order knights in white armor come and cart her back to the penitentiary.
Over the past two months, two more portals opened in two different regions surrounding Vallick. My best guess was that a portal would open each month, roughly. Gave me some down time to recover from the injuries that I no doubt had coming. Maybe I needed a Kikimora on standby to sweep up my pieces after a fight.
But only time would tell if my portal theory was full of shit.
The first portal didn’t drop much of value; just a wheelchair, a stuffed Bobcat, and some cupcakes… yep, cupcakes. But no Skarliks.
Coincidentally, I was at the second portal site in a sand covered area when I found an engine. It definitely wasn’t a car. It had to be some kind of industrial vehicle. Only part of the wind shield, a door, part of a crane arm, and a few other parts remained. The engine was about the only thing useful. Looked beat up, but I thought I could give it a primitive tune up and find some kind of use for it. Again no Skarliks. No complaints here.
I nearly killed myself trying to lift the damn engine into the cart, opting for the next best thing; slowly dragging it behind the wagon. It was going to be a bitch on my horse, but I’ll win back his affection with a batch of carrots.
As I rode back, I thought of my Earth. Besides my family and my simple life, I actually missed Earth. Sure it was a dumpster fire of a world, with all the wrong people calling the shots, but fucking hell, it was my dumpster fire of a world. Shit, I’ll even take the traffic jams, shitty online memes, and all that other crap that drove me nuts. And compared to this world, we had it pretty good. Sure it was full of “free-lovin”, half monster chicks that could make the most super of model look like Mother Teresa. But war is war. And war is hell. Trust is hard to come by. Without trust, loneliness moves in.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that, despite my progress, the light at the end of the tunnel was getting smaller and smaller. My end game was becoming more obscured. More portals meant more trouble. But no portals meant no chance of getting home. Was there even really a way out? Or was this to be my fate? Stuck in this world until the end.
I fucking hated it, despite how easy mamano girls were. Getting laid a few times, only to be pissed away like a worn out rubber dildo from the nightstand. Or maybe they just eat you like a female black widow spider does after a few nights. Either way, no fucking thanks.
I tried to think of good times back on Earth. Just appreciating the simple things. Like my Playstation, movies, and unhealthy food. Even something like relaxing with a sunset and a bowl of ice cream. Fuck I missed ice cream.
About half way back to Vallick, I was approached by five guys on horseback. All of them were tall, equipped with weapons, and fully armored with Order insignias on them. Terrific. I knew I would have to tangle with the Order sooner or later.
“Stop, knave” the middle soldier shouted. Pompous-looking bastard, with a face you see after a bad night of drinking.
“Sure thing” I said. “Sorry but my ID is in my other boxer shorts”.
“Silence until you are spoken to. What is that contraption you carry behind you?” he said eyeing my engine that I was ungracefully toeing through the sands.
“I’m with AAA. Just responding to a call from another dimension. Since the owner wasn’t present at the motor vehicle, I figured I’d tow it back home and turn it into a Xbox or something.”
Sure it was ungraceful and I didn’t think they would buy it, but it gave me some time to get my hands near my guns.
“The man speaks in tongues. He couldn’t possibly be the owner of this commodity” he sneered. “Surely he must have stolen it. Such a strange device should be brought to the Order’s mages at once. Surrender your arms or face the consequences”.
Wow. They’re the most articulate bandits I’ve ever seen. But a jack-off is still a jack-off.
“I don’t think this hunk-a-junk here is gonna be of interest to ol’ Merlin. Unless one of his spell books is titled ‘Sarens SGC ‐120 Manual’, I’m not sharing this toy with him”.
Sensing my ever-so-subtle irreverence, he glared daggers at me and signaled his men to draw their crossbows on me.
“I warn you, peasant. Stand down” he spat at me.
Instantly I pulled both my guns out to answer their challenge. I took pleasure in aiming at their smart-mouth of a leader. “Sorry but you must be over 18 to handle heavy equipment, Sunshine. If you don’t ‘order arms’, I’ll be glad to pacify you and your not-so-merry men”. I chuckled to myself at using the crappy “order” pun on these Order bastards. I just couldn’t resist.
As dumb as this course of action may have been, I didn’t trust the Order to stop with confiscating just the engine. And I wasn’t about to hand over the rest of my equipment. After all, big bait, catches big rat.
“Do you dare trifle with me, fool?”
“Sorry. What I meant to say was move it or lose your it”.
“Move what or lose what?”
“Your ass or your ass, Sir Shits-For-Brains” I said with a roll of the eyes. Dumbass.
“So be it!” he said just before he gave his boys the signal to fire.
I fired off a few shots and clipped the leader as I dove behind my cart. I activated my collapsible helmet, ready for combat.
I turned up the power output on my guns since I needed to penetrate their armor. No doubt, it would be powerful enough to kill them, but at times like these, morality can fuck off. The leader yelled something about me using magic and ordered them to surround me. Bad move… for me.
Looking under the wagon, I spied their horses moving in on me from both sides. I took aim and shot one of the horse’s legs out, with the soldier falling over with it. I quickly put a few more into his head and chest, leaving him dead.
With three more coming in on me, one from the left and two from the right, I pulled one of my spark grenades out and rolled it toward the two on the right. As it detonated, the last soldier rounded the wagon and began firing on me. I did the same. We traded shots until we both hit our target. I had the advantage of speed and fire rate but that didn’t stop an arrow catching me in the shoulder and his horse running me over.
I stuck my head up from the sand and looked back to my steamroller. Only there was no driver on it. I looked forward and saw my target lying on the ground not too far from me. I stupidly approached him to see if he was dead. Maybe it was the little bit of mercy still in me that thought, ‘maybe if I let him go, he’ll turn over a new leaf and not hunt me down to kill me when I’m taking a shit’. A fucking terrible time to be an optimist.
As I drew near, he swiftly threw his shield, hitting me in the side of the head and knocking me to the ground. That didn’t stun me long enough to not see Tin Man charging with his ax drawn. I dodged his blade as he attempted to plant it on my head. I yanked him down by the arm, throwing his heavily clad body next to me. Then I fired a shot into his stomach, puncturing the armor and drilling into his flesh. Before he could even finish crying out in pain, I fired another shot into his neck, spilling his blood onto my coat. That shut him up.
Afterwards, I picked myself up, broke the arrow in my shoulder in half, and then plucked it out. Fuck, that stung. The first thing I noticed when I got up was that my horse and cart took off in the commotion but the heavy engine snapped off the back of the cart. Good thing, too. It would have sucked ass if I got no prize for coming in first place.
Looking over at the other two soldiers, I saw them both lying on the ground with their horses, all smoking like a KFC kitchen at the dinner rush. I figured with their armor, my spark grenade would have electrocuted and deep fried them pretty thoroughly.
There was only one left, their ass clown of a leader. But he had taken off while I wrestled with his tin can of a subordinate. Dammit. Well, this could be the start of a beautiful rivalry.
With no cart or horse to drag this damn engine back with me, there was only one jackass to haul it back. So with a stinging shoulder I dragged it through the sands back toward my little hideaway outside of Vallick. Sure why not? I could use the exercise.
I really did feel like someone who works for AAA. Not the driver, but the truck that does the towing. Good thing I had my water bottle on me. I came upon a hill, oh boy, and spotted my “camp” on the horizon. With a sigh of relief, or exhaustion I don’t know, I forged ahead.
Just then I heard someone approaching me from behind. Fucking A, just what I need. Someone else to try and steal the find that I almost killed myself several times over trying to acquire. And with the state I was in, I probably couldn’t even take on C-3PO asking for directions out in these sands.
“Keep on steppin, you peckered piece of shit!” I yelled as I flipped around with my handgun drawn.
It was Veina. Shit. I kinda wished it was another Order lacky. At least I could have shot them and been done with it.
She had a look of confusion mixed with concern.
“What in Maou’s name happened to you?” she asked with great desperation in her voice. Did she just say “Maou”?
“Black Friday?” I said, still with some fuel in my tank of wise-quacks.
“Never mind. Follow me if you want to hear the unedited version of the story.” I said.
Since I didn’t have any other options, I begrudgingly lead her back to my lab. Surprisingly she helped me pull the engine but kept her mouth shut the rest of the way back.
What the hell was I going to tell her? That I’m an alien from another dimension with no way to phone home? That I’m collecting a bunch of equipment from my Earth to create a armory? That this dimension was going to have visitors more troublesome than me? Okay, let’s go with that. Mainly because I was too tired to make something up.
Once in my lab, she looked at my setup and equipment like the Candyland champion in Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. I really couldn’t tell if she was scared or excited.
“Oh yes! I knew there was something special about you! You were so weird that you just had to be an alien or something! Tell me everything this time!” she said, confirming that excitement was in fact her current mindset. Wait.
That also confirms that she probably has been stalking me this whole time.
Veina insisting on helping me tend my wounds. Fair enough. Made it easier to tell her the whole story from the moment I landed in this dimension to the present. I wasn’t going to tell her what happened before that. Okay, the story was still edited, but I didn’t feel like getting into that shit right now.
She listened intently the whole time, only taking her eyes off mine when giving my injuries attention. She took it rather well considering what I had expected in my head. I didn’t have anything to worry about, really. If she told anyone about me and my daytime job, they’d sign her up for a lobotomy within the hour.
By the time I was done and my wounds were thoroughly licked, I half expected her excitement to finally burst and begin running around the lab like a child, asking all kinds of questions about my equipment down to every last speck of dust. I’d have to give her the cupcakes to calm her down.
Oddly, her usual absent-mindedness was nowhere to be found. Instead she carefully placed her hand on my cheek and let out a content sigh. What the fuck? She’s starting to scare me. Then she calmly stood up and walked a few feet in front of me, before turning around. With complete composure, there’s a first, she then did something I definitely did not plan for.
“Okay, no more games. You were honest with me, so time for me to be honest with you, my love”. Again, no sign of insanity like usual. Wait a minute. Did she say “my love”?
With a snap of her fingers, her whole body began to glow a blinding, purple light. I couldn’t even look at it until it started to die down. Slowly but surely, the light vanished and I could see Veina again.
Only now I wasn’t sure it was still Veina. Where she once was now stood a new, curvaceous, and scantily clad figure with light blue skin. She wore dark red, devilishly detailed, thigh-high hooker boots with gloves to match. Tattoo-like markings ran along her shoulders and shapely hips. Her dark blue hair draped down past her tight torso, down to her curvy legs and seemed to shine like silk. To say she was wearing a devilish string bikini-like top and bottom was being generous, since it left barely any imagination for her “assets”. Large, red-tipped horns wrapped along the top of her head along with two menacing, bat-like wings widely spreading from her back. Also, a long, spaded tail, that you would find on a Succubus, flickered excitedly behind her. To top it off, she had pointed ears, blood-red eyes, and if I have to tell you that she had a dangerously beautiful face, you must be new here. I also noted the lecherous smirk on her face.
No doubt about it. I’ve heard of these fucking high-rank mamano before. This was definitely a Demon.
Oh, fuck me. Shit, very poor choice of words.