Don’t know how many people will read it but here is the revamped version of Wormhole Chapters 1 of 5. I’m getting ready for a release on other sites so I felt it had to be done. Still the same continuity as chapters 6 and beyond, just spruced up with some extra bits added. Chapter 12 will be coming soon.
A big shout out to BONODONO and his story “A Connecticut Yankee” that inspired my story. Apologies if a few aspects from his story have been used in this story but it was done out of appreciation. Since this is my first time writing a story, I only hope that some people will be entertained by it.
Enjoy and comment.
My story is… complicated. But let’s just say it’s simple so we can get started.
I’m of Earth, year 2065; that much I know. But that fact doesn’t do me much good in this story. Besides, I’m not writing an autobiography here.
To begin, I found myself sucked into a wormhole portal where I was twisted into a pretzel as I spiraled uncontrollably through the vortex. My mind was going in the same kind of loops as my body. I felt like a piece of shit going down a toilet. How deep.
Exactly how did I end up careening down a goddamn wormhole? Hey, one long story at a time.
Soon I was flushed out by a sky portal into a whole new world or dimension depending on your preference. I landed on top of a steep hill where gravity took over. A few scratches, bumps, and grass stains later, I finally stopped once I hit rockbottom… literally.
If I had the state of mind to curse out loud, I would have. But that wasn’t in the cards right now. To go from wildly skydiving through space and time to crashing onto the fast-approaching ground before you can even brace yourself, well, let’s just say that you’re not in a very creative mood. At least I made an entrance.
Even after I stopped spinning, the world had not in my eyes. Besides the crash, I was delirious as the wormhole’s after-effects had taken over. Think it’s fun going through a wormhole? Guess what, it’s not. About as reinvigorating as malaria. We’re talking nausea, muscle pains, lightheadedness, sweating, and all those other symptoms that make you want to say ‘Fuck my job’ and stay in bed that day. That special kind of feeling that comes from mixing classy drinks with the cheapest liquor store beer you can get for free, resulting in what feels like the longest hangover imaginable. Like having a gassy King Kong sit on your head for a couple of hours.
Pulling myself up while trying to balance the aspirin-proof rock on top of my neck, I found that my vision and hearing hadn’t fully rebooted yet. There was an aching over my body but I wasn’t coordinated enough to wince from it. I couldn’t even control where I started wandering to. The classic case of the engine running but no one behind the wheel.
If you couldn’t tell, I was pretty defenseless in my current state. Unfortunately, that’s all it takes to be ambushed. I couldn’t make out who my assailants were, much less resist. I didn’t even have the coordination to give them the middle-finger salute. But it seemed odd. I remember catching a glimpse of something scaly. But that wasn’t all; I also thought I saw a pair of… breasts? Boy, I must have been fucked up by that wormhole more than I thought.
Next, I was then stripped of my armor and gear before being loaded into a wagon with two other schmucks and carted away like the unruly drunk that I was. How fair is that? I wasn’t even driving.
I wasn’t able to tell how long we rode but during our ride, the effects of the wormhole started to wear off somewhat. I was able to see and hear much better, plus my mobility began to improve. Wish I could have stretched out but we were chained up. Still sick to my stomach with a throbbing in my head, I found it no worse than a typical hangover that I knew all too well. Frustratingly, my ability to speak hadn’t yet returned.
Eventually, we reached our destination. I was unloaded from the dark wagon and back into the glaring sunlight along with the other prisoners.
This is where things got really interesting.
Once my eyes adjusted to the change in light, I spotted my captors and got ready to shoot them a dirty look. But what I saw was… unexpected; a sign of things to come. Gathering around us was a group of creatures, for lack of a better term. They were female; very, very female. Their toned, feminine bodies were like nothing I’d ever seen before. No woman on Earth had bodies like this. The sexual features of these ladies were a marvel to the human mind, particularly a male’s. Tits bigger than your hands, round asses, thin and defined abs, shapely legs, and absolutely beautiful faces nailed one hell of a first-impression package that most women could only dream of. And stuff that guys dream about even more. Only adding to the stunning scene was that they were clad in bikini tops, tube tops, lingerie undies, and other skanky garments that was standard for a private California beach. Maybe I would have said ‘put some clothes on if they didn’t have the “assets” to back it up. Holy hot damn.
They were the most sexy and voluptuous women I had ever seen in my life.
But that wasn’t even the weirdest part. When you got past the tits and asses, difficult I know, you would see that that was only half the picture. These girls were showing off more than just kickass human parts. They had green or dark orange scales, like that of a lizard, covering their forearms and calves down, complete with clawed hands and feet. Their tail, yeah a tail, was of similar decor. For some of them, the tail appeared to be on fucking fire as it swayed back and forth. Gives a new spin to the term “hot ass”
One woman though stood out from the others. She was an imposing specimen, but somehow looked even more outlandish. She had fur covering most of her lower body. Not some furry pants mind you, but, in fact, her legs and tail were that of a lion while her arms resembled a bird’s talons. However the most eye-catching part of her was the feathery wings that expanded a good eight feet long from her back. This “lion” chick had even bigger breasts than the “lizard” chicks as well as a more muscularly taught physique. I got the impression that she was the leader as she looked us all over like cattle. I had to pick my jaw up of the ground as I, naturally, found it hard not to look at them. Frankly, I didn’t know how to react, and not being able to talk made it even harder.
Maybe I would have been pretty aroused if I wasn’t so goddamn confused. My mind ran wild with nonsensical thoughts, which only made my pounding head hurt that much more.
Finally managing to take in my surroundings, I noticed that I was in a small village of sorts. Wooden huts, wagons, tables, benches, and some canvas tents were scattered about. Nothing too fancy except for the large stone fortress in the center of it all. Not a whole castle but a single tower with an accompanying fort that exuded authority over the village. Must have been a headquarters.
We were then escorted by the three lizards into the fortress. It was not exactly what you might call My Little Pony’s magic castle. Dirty and partially crumbling with most of the occupants being spiders. Clearly it’s wasn’t meant as a defense point; more like a hideout.
Just where the hell was I and what the fuck is going on? And also, when do we meet Hugh Hefner?
We stopped in an old empty bathhouse of sorts where we were met by some other women who I hoped were wash maidens. Wash maiden, however, would not be my first choice in describing them. At first, they looked to be dressed as maids, but upon closer examination, their outfits were made out of a slimy, black and purple substance like a big piece of jelly. And it seemed to spread onto their… the fuck!? Their body was also made out the same stuff like some kind of blob or something. Tentacles wiggled out from their legs like they were greeting us. Their eyes were a glowing yellow, identical to other glowing spots on their body. What? Their warm smiles as well as their sexy figures were definitely inviting but, nevertheless, I wished I could have shrieked out loud.
We were told to undress; evidently they spoke English in this world. I shuttered as the cold air attacked me like needles into my flesh. After the three of us showed our “true colors”, I noticed that I was the only guy that was flaccid. Can’t say that I blame them, but I was too confused to think lewd thoughts, even in the face of this kind of hotness. Thank God, because how embarrassing would it be to have your traitorous soldier say ‘Hi’ to these girls before you could?
But this fact didn’t go unnoticed by the girls. They seemed to take a more inquisitive interest in me than the other two. They found it insulting?
Each of us was then approached by one of the slime girls. Their glistening bodies protruded and expanded as they wobbled around like jelly. Why do I have the feeling I was toast?
She gazed with her bright yellow eyes and lovingly smiled at me. “Just stand still… and enjoy” she said gently. Before I could imagine what horrible things might happen to me she suddenly latched herself onto me, fully engulfing me in her gooey mass. It was a shame that I still had a mime in my throat because I really wanted to let out a blood-curdling scream as I dreaded the thought of her devouring me like the fucking blob. While it didn’t hurt, it was too freakish for me to even care that it felt like a warm bath. I fidgeted around awkwardly as the snot girl slid over every inch of me, praying that I had all of my limbs if I got out of this alive. I especially hoped the mini-me between my legs was in tact, which she had been focusing on more than any other part of me. God, please don’t fucking take that away!
Within two minutes she reformed in front of me, somehow with a blush on her face. I’m not really sure how blackish slime was able to blush but fuck if that’s important right now. “It’s been a pleasure to clean you, sir.” she said with a polite bow.
Clean? Now that she mentioned it, I did feel freshened up however on a different level, I felt even more dirty than before. You get dirty in order to get clean? How the hell does that work?
After we got dressed, we were taken up the stairs of the tower where we stopped in front of a large door near the top. Lined up with me in the back, the first asshole was brought into the room while we waited outside. Ten minutes later, he was brought out of the room and escorted away. Then, in went the next asshole, leaving me alone with a red lizard behind me. After another ten minutes of standing with my thumb up my ass, the second guy left the room and was escorted away like the first guy. That left only asshole left…
Finally. There was no captioned TV for me to watch while waiting in that lobby.
Inside the room was that lion-bird babe from earlier. As I was presented before her, the red lizard with me whispered something into her ear. Oh secrets, huh? Better not be on my cup size.
I was instructed to stand up straight and do as they said. At first it was just the basics; open your mouth, breath in, breath out, lift your leg and all that other crap like I was a kid at an examination. If they were planning on making a slave out of me then shit… I don’t have insurance to cover that.
All of my bewilderment came to an eruption when the red lizard suddenly grabbed my crotch. Not a painfully tight grip but fucking hell it doesn’t need to be a tight grip to make a guy yelp like a squeak toy. Adding to my hysteria was that I expected her clawed hand to feel like a cheese grater running across my balls. Oh the horror… But it was surprisingly warm and smooth. And also pleasant enough to get the blood flowing, eh-heh. But regardless of the pleasant surprise, something snapped in me. I abruptly backed off and shouted, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Watch it!” Well what do you know? I could finally talk, as well as bitch about stuff again. And boy, did I have a huge back log in my “bitch later” folder. All of my paranoia, frustrations, and confusion came pouring out of me like a hurricane as I threw caution to the wind.
“Listen you, keep those goddamn claws away from the plumbing, you fiery fucking floozy! You already have several sexual harassment charges waiting for you; you want to go for double jeopardy? Just keep your scaly hands to yourself because I’m not in the mood. My ass dropped out of the sky onto a mound of shit only to be thrown into a wagon and carted away by a fucking squad of D&D go-go dancers. Then, I’m brought to a Mordor ghetto where I played Peter Venkman for a sexy Slimer to splooge herself through all my cracks and crevices that I didn’t even know I had. There’s still some of her in my ears by the way. But that isn’t enough! Now this scale-brained hooker drags me in here to give me a “hands on” inspection in front of MGM over there without even wearing any goddamn gloves. And on top of everything, I’m not even given one motherfucking explanation as to what the shit is going on here or why the alien, in this case, is the one being probed. So yeah, if you want to know how I’m doing, Doc, that about sums up how peachy I feel right now. As fucking peachy as being buried with a leprosy victim after being flushed down the crap-hole with Fat Bastard’s diarrhea. Not to mention my aching limbs or the hangover that’s pounding my brain like a Woodstock’s Revenge concert. So fuck off, I’m not posing for the cover of Esquire Magazine with you showgirls, got it? Now hand over my equipment and give me my post-examination lollipop. I want to check the hell out of here before the law firm arrives and smacks your sweet ass with a lawsuit”
Hey, once the flood gates opened up, there was no stopping it.
After my Gilbert Gottfried impression in which I was thoroughly convinced that I had made a fool of myself, I stopped. Panting quite heavily with a scowl carved deep into my face, I fully expecting a beating. I didn’t mind so much as long as it got me some answers as to what I was doing here. Instead, both girls glanced at each other, then back at me where their focus remained for what felt like an eternity. Their eyes gleamed through the blushes on their “kid in a candy store” kind of faces. I think I even saw some drool dripping from the lizard’s mouth. Should I be worried or… more worried?
The agonizing tension was finally broke when the lizard spoke to the feline.
“Maybe good enough to be-” she queried.
“A negotiator? Perhaps” she replied awkwardly as she furrowed her brow, akin to a daydreamer trying to look professional. “Put him in a separate holding cell. I’ll be by later to give him my… personal inspection”
The lizard girl then glided toward me; her face was what I can only describe as being absent-minded. She gently but firmly grasped my arm and began to lead me away. Scaly here was surprisingly strong. Okay, she was in fantastic shape but I never considered myself small or weak for that matter. In fact with my training, I myself was in decent shape. Yet I felt like a two year old being pulled away by his mommy for saying a bad word.
As we left the room, the lion yelled out “Make sure to not spoil the goods. He’s for the Demon Lord to decide”. “Yes ma’am” my lizard momm-, eh, escort yelled back in a shaky voice. She didn’t sound that frail when she was ordering us around earlier, so what was this all about?
I wondered just what the hell is the “Demon Lord” they mentioned? What is a negotiator? Was I going to be a slave in the big cheese’s castle? Living the life of high luxury, at least by slave standards? Like serving appetizer trays to a king off my back? I was far too curious at this point; I had to get something out of my sexy escort.
“Tell me what’s cooking, Doc?” She gave me that candy store look again.
“What?” she said dreamily.
“Who’s this Demon Lord? And why am I going to keep their castle tidy? I mean I can barely keep the underwear off the floor of my room” I said flatly.
“You will be brought before our Lord who will decide if you are to made one of her negotiators”
She said… ‘her’?
“The fuck is that?”
“It’s a special position. Only a select few get a chance like this. You are to serve our Lord in maintaining peace with some of her more ‘rocky’ alliances”
Great. I haven’t even been in this world one day and already I’m given the task of helping it stay in one piece.
“What do you mean ‘negotiator’? Like a White House lackey? Sorry but I’m an awful ambassador. Come to think of it, the sight of a contract makes me want to hurl”
“No, human. You see, some of our Lord’s forces can become difficult, and at times rebellious, if they are not compensated for their troubles when holding off the Order’s forces. Of course our Lord has the power to punish those who betray her trust, however, she prefers more peaceful methods for maintaining loyalty. That’s where the negotiators come in. They act as a representative to our Lord to ensure that the generals stay in good standing with her”
Sounds like a union, and just as much of a pain in the ass as one.
“And what special skills do you need for this special job? What do I do?” I coaxed more out of her.
She smiled humorously. “You do them” she said as a matter of fact.
My mind went as utterly blank as my stare. “…Pardon?” I checked to see if my imagination switch was left on in my brain.
“You accompany them the best way possible; you lay with them. And you satisfy all of their needs their womanhood desires”
If it’s possible for my mind to explode, then my grey-matter would have been plastered against the wall by now. I went full Megan Fox, just staring straight through her thoughtlessly with a mouth that refused to close.
I froze in disbelief at her revelation. She must have mistakened my dumbfounded expression for a hungry baboon with a raging banana between his legs.
“I know; it’s exhilarating isn’t it? I dare say that you have a good chance of becoming a negotiator. You may even give your clients a child. It truly is an honor to be considered for this role. To be able to freely lay with several high ranking mamano, spreading your seeds across the lands” she said huskily.
That was it; I lost it again. When I entered this new dimension, I half expected to be maimed, incinerated, curb-stomped, eaten, or anything else mentioned in Sir Robin’s song in “The Holy Grail”. But this… this was a whole new milestone of mindfuckery. Like seriously, where was I? I, I, who, what, just… how?
Is this the world where Dwayne Johnson was from?
Besides the insanity of the whole thing, I never considered myself a hunk by any stretch of the imagination. Strong body, sure, but certainly not a chick magnet. So why me? How did I manage to land this spot? And why is that a basis of maintaining power? I mean this “Demon Lord” must be a real ass-backwards eccentric, like Cosmo Kramer on Speed at Disney Rave kind of eccentric.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait…” I stammered as I yanked her to a stop. “… wait. I’m going to be working a schedule of one-night-stands with several super models that I’ve never even met before just as a method of positive reinforcement? This ‘Demon Lord’ wants to prostitute me out to her high class friends just so she doesn’t have to give employee benefits? Has she ever thought of giving them a raise? Or even just a simple ‘Keep up the good work’ card? Has that bitch ever heard of a fucking STD? I… what… It just… why…?”. Shit I lost my train of thought.
As my stuttering got the best of me, went motionless again. The lizard’s blush was now almost as red as her scales. Her face was difficult to read, so I didn’t know if I should be flattered or scared shitless at what was coming next. In one swift motion, she thrust her body against me and grasped my head in her claws. Beads of sweat instantly formed on my face as her furnace-like scales and fevering body started to roast me.
“I’m not supposed to do this but… I just want a sample” she said as her flaming tail went stiff behind her. I shivered at the feeling of her tongue along my neck. I felt it sizzle as it soaked my jugular. It was like I was being cow-branded. However the sensation wasn’t at all painful; rather enjoyable. I’d never felt anything like it before. The feeling left me too rattled to resist when she grabbed my wrist and dragged my hand along her hot, velvety body. The more she carried on, the hotter her body got.
Clearly I caught her in heat. Wait, why the shit-biscuit was I joking about this? Because the whole thing was so… enjoyably fucked up? Yeah, that was it. Clearly this was a job that throws you and your “swim team” in deep. But as far as “getting my feet wet”, I found this was still too much to take in at once. No way I could handle this; not right now. My mind was a maelstrom of questions and concerns and pains and emotions and my dick starting to sober up in response to such a gorgeous woman molesting me. Anxiety leaped from my mouth.
“But I’ve never laid with a woman before. I’m… too nervous” I whimpered with a squeaky voice. Where did that come from? I don’t know, I couldn’t think of anything else to say. It wasn’t true but let’s call it survival instincts. And maybe it would reduce my apparent sex appeal.
She let out a short gasp. “A virgin!? Even better! That way the Maou can personally mold your sexual skills to the best they can be”
Well my virgin plan just drizzled down my leg. For once, a lack of experience is an advantage. Does this Maou’s lessons come with a scholarship?
“Don’t worry. You’re a natural” she assured, probably noticing my unease. “You’ll do…just…great” Her eyes slid shut as she leaned in to lay a wet one on my lips.
That was the jolt I needed to snap out of it and stop her this time.
“No, no! I’m not some prostitute! I need answers, not a whore right now! So keep that fucking soldering iron in your mouth, bug breath!” I ordered the lizard who ignored my demand of personal space and chased my lips with her own.
I involuntarily began backing up with her still latching on to my body. Being too overwhelmed with bewilderment, I hadn’t considered something; namely the open window that was behind me. Before her fiery lips could silence my rambling lips, the back of my legs hit the windowsill, abruptly halting my feet but not halting my upper half from tumbling out.
One back flip later, I had a bit of deja vu as I rolled down a canvas awning and landed on a table where two other red lizards were snacking. Regardless of my clumsiness, I was thankful for it, since the pain kicked my senses back into high-gear with that surge of adrenaline that I’d been needing. Quickly, I jumped up and ran like the Roadrunner toward a nearby hut no bigger than a garage.
As I ran, my powers of perception caught sight of a horse and cart with a tarp over it. I remembered seeing that cart following behind the wagon we were transported in. Note to self: if you can get your sorry ass out of this wet-dream of a dilemma, make a stop at that cart. Maybe that’s the lost and found.
Once in the hut, I instantly slammed the door behind me. No lock, so a primitive world means primitive plans. In this case, sliding a nearby wooden table up against the door was the next best thing.
As I thought about my next move, I spotted a strange sort of thing-a-ma-jig on the table. Looked like the Riddler’s cane if it was shoved up Maleficent’s skinny devilish ass but fuck if I cared, it will have to do as a weapon. It still gave me more ferocity than a broom would. I could hear them gathering outside, but couldn’t make out what they were yelling back and forth. They weren’t here to sing carols, so I needed an escape plan.
Apparently, I had hidden in some kind of laboratory, if I had to guess. Potions, vials, and flasks covered several tables, leaving no space to spare. I felt like I just stepped into Cartoon Network. Behind one of the tables stood another woman, and let me tell you, she did not belong on Cartoon Network; more like Adult Swim.
Given what I had seen that day, I fully expected her to have the lower body of a starfish with ears like Dumbo. But she actually appeared to be normal, except for how buxom she was. Oooooh boy. Purple and black must have been her favorite colors as it made up the majority of her frilly wardrobe. Her bust looked like it had burst through the front while her waist and hips peaked through the cape-like dress in other spots. Her dress shoes were complimented by the light purple stockings. Underneath her big, classic witch hat, her expansive amethyst hair draped down so much that it had to be one hell of a safety hazard working in a laboratory like this.
She looked ‘normal’; but sure as sin didn’t dress normal. Looked like the slutty version of the Enchantress from Shovel Knight.
“Is this Kiki’s Kinky Delivery Service?” I jeered, hoping to talk my way out of this.
“Uhh, no. It’s my laboratory. Who are you?” she asked, a look of shock on her features.
“A draft-dodger. I was selected to be the Demon Lord’s negotiator or pimp or something but it didn’t take”
“A negotiator!?” she gasped.
“Apparently so. A package in a package if you get my drift, just without any health benefits; not even a goddamn condom. Sorry but autographs are next week. Now please tell me you have a back door to this place”
“Wow! A real negotiator! In my laboratory, too! This is a real treat!”. She continued her own giddy outburst while I was left behind, stupefied again. Why are they so adamant about seeing me naked? I don’t even like seeing myself naked. You’re telling me that girls like this are that desperate to get laid? How fucking hard could that be for them!? And do I sound as idiotic as her when I ramble? Maybe…
“*Gasp* You’re even touching my staff!” she exclaimed with a finger directed toward what I had in my hands.
“I am? Oh this? Do I need to wash my hands first?”
“Maybe with your essence now, my spells can grow even stronger”
“You’ve been drinking too much from your cauldron, Gruntilda. Any chance this thing has fireballs or an invincibility star or anything useful?”
She paid my quips no mind as her excitement proved too much. “If it’s not too much to ask, could you please infuse me with your spirit energy? Oh please!”
“Look I don’t have time for-“
“Well then can I sample my staff with your seed? It’s for research”
If by ‘seed’ she meant… that stuff, then eww.
“I won’t give you that, but hand me a pot and I’ll give you a big sample of my vomit. If you don’t want that, then you better show me the back door because it’s coming out regardless. So where’s the-“
Just then, my piss-poor barricade lived up to its name and gave way as it was punched through with deafening force. Both me and my fangirl jumped from the sudden wave of destruction.
In walked the lion babe from earlier along with four fiery lizards girls and two green lizard girls following suit. Geez, this cat had more than just claws; she had power too. Must have never missed a morning without having her steroid Mini Wheats. Now with more penis shrinkage.
“Trying to escape, human? Why do you wish to run from the opportunity to personally serve the Maou? It’s the chance of a lifetime. We don’t wish to hurt you, or violate you” she sternly growled as she glared back at a certain impulsive lizard whose eyes shamefully glued to the ground. “However if you don’t comply, we will have no choice but to force you. And if you do get too damaged, then you may not be accepted as her negotiator. But either way, they is no escape for you”
Fortunate for me I could talk and think at the same time. “You can glamorize it as much as you want Simba, but I don’t want to be the sex toy that gets fondled then tucked away in a nightstand. I’m not living the rest of my days as a slave. I make my own decisions in life; like right now!”
With that, I flipped the table of potions in front of me at them, Spaghetti Western style, and prepared myself for the kinkiest fight of my life. The shattered potions sizzled on the ground and filled the hut with a large cloud of orange smoke. That wasn’t part of my improv act but soon enough, the smoke was so thick I couldn’t see my attackers anymore.
It smelled similar to a floral-like perfume but with a hint of muskiness to it. “Look out, that *cough* that table had *cough* the vile of- *cough*” wheezed the witch behind me before she was cut off. By what? Fuck if I cared. This massive Lorax fart could cover my escape if I just laid low.
I stealthily made my way to the door, hoping to get at least a little bit of a head start without having to bash some heads on the way out. In the fog, I heard the screams begin. Oh, not Joe Pesci getting a blowtorch to the head kind of screams. More like the “fake” screams from “When Harry Met Sally”. But that was just crazy, right?
Suddenly, the Lion Queen rolled into my path. Guess I had deduced correctly since she was writhing on the ground with one paw groping her breast and the other fondling her cunt. Oh man, even with the claws? They can’t be doing what I think they’re doing, are they? Then I saw two of the red lizards on the ground, following their leader’s example. Their tails blazed even brighter than before, lighting up the fog as their cries of ecstasy filled the room as much as the smoke.
Yep, they were. Just when I regain some of my sanity, there’s something else…
I figured it must have been this orange crap that I brilliantly albeit inadvertently used as my ace in the hole. Maybe this orange drug is what Sally had for lunch; orgasm vapor. Move over nicotine, because we got something even more addicting. Break out the video camera and BAM, we invented Pornhub in this world.
Under normal circumstances, pardon the pun, I might have grabbed some popcorn and enjoyed the show but then I noticed the strangest thing of all. This drug wasn’t having the same titillating effects on me. I may have coughed a bit, but all I felt was a small and weird sort of warmth over my body. However, I was still limp and dry in the pants. Hell, I didn’t even feel the urge to drop my pants and rub a couple ones out myself. Okay, seeing these girls in person may have pumped a little blood down there but I wasn’t feeling an overbearing urge to do the ‘manual override’. And given the display before me, it wouldn’t have been hard to do. So why didn’t it work on me? I did feel a little frustrated that I got left out of all the fun, but that wasn’t important right now. This “diversion” left them helpless and gave me a chance to escape. Boner or no boner, I had to go, not cum. Yeah, shit joke.
I carefully stepped over the increasingly messy scene and bolted out the door. Fortunately, I didn’t see any other potential threats outside so I quickly ran over to the cart I saw earlier. My hunch was right; this was where all of our confiscated goods were, including my armor and equipment. Lost and found, indeed. Even better was that the horse was still latched to the cart, completing my escape plan. Just for a little extra spice, I went to the other horses’ asses and gave them a smack, causing the paddy wagon to take off. I didn’t want to chance a Western style chase as I took off in the cart. Extra credit for me.
Fortunately, the only path out of there eventually took me past the location where the portal had spat me out. As I soon discovered, I wasn’t the only thing that came out of that portal. There were crates, bags, boxes, and all kinds of loot laying about. Ever the opportunist, I packed just about everything onto my newly acquired cart and road off into the sunset.
Now that I got a taste of what kind of a world I was in, my imagination was salivating at the obvious possibilities. However, my natural pessimism was screaming that something was up. That I should keep my Long Dong Silver in check until I knew what was going on.
Besides that, something else was nagging at me. I’ve never agreed with my inner voice more than now; it told me that I was going to need all the help I could get if I was going to survive, and find a way to get back home. However, my past experiences with Lady Luck have not been heartwarming. Bitch.
It was obvious to me that I had a big journey in front of me.
In retrospect, if only I knew just how crazy of an odyssey this new world would take me on. Anxiety, road trips, paranoia, parties, chaos, guns, war, pain, mindfucks, madness, seductresses, plenty of sexual harassment, and many more stories to tell.
Regardless, my life would never be the same again.