Wizardquest Chapter 6: On the Road Again

Your cart trundled down the road at a slow, steady pace and you look it from your book, sighing. You were at a particularly boring stretch of [Familiarity with your Familiar], talking about the esoteric nature of animal intelligence in combination with aetherical quantities and you just needed a break for a moment.

The sun was slowly starting to dip down past the mountains in the distance, but it was still light out, and you figured Blake would want to travel a little longer before finding camp. You peak over at Hala, who is passed out on the cart, snoring like a particularly loud and wolf-life child, her paws sort of making running gestures as she smiled. Monsters, you tell yourself what.

Blake was still merrily humming a tune as he kept the horses moving and you didn’t really feel like bothering him for now. Which left the Bubs man, who was scurrying around your shoulders as you read and was now under your hat.

“Hey, think I could have a cool hat this like someday?”

“Can you even wear a hat? And wait, when did you get an interest in clothing?”

“I dunno, you tell me, you’re the wizard.”

“Are you always going to default to that?”

“Sure am! I’m just a magical rat.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose and shake your head, which rattles Bubs around.

“Hey, hey big guy! I’m a gentle soul.”

“You’re a magical rat.”

“Rats can be gentle.”

“And they can stop eating garbage whenever they want also. Look, I’ll look into it okay.”

“That’s why you’re the boss”

You groan and pick the book back up, sort of, skimming through the last few pages, until you reach a new chapter called, “Metamorphosis and the mind.” Well that is either promising or a story about roaches, but let’s see what we have here.

“Once sufficent understanding of the link between familiar and practitioner is established, one can then forge the link of trust between them to grow into something greater than the sum of the two parts. By installing aetheric energies in accordance with the will of both parties, the familiar can change, metamorphose in a sense, for a limited period of time. Generally this takes the form of the familiar gaining extra speed, or strength for brief periods of time, however the situation demands it.”

“This is not to be done lightly however, as both parties must be in accordance with the desired outcome. Should one wish for a burst of speed through increased wing strength and the other increased leg density, the results are exceedingly explosive.”

You noted a footnote that mentioned, “familiar literally will explode.”

“However, if all is well, then the gains are worth the risk. Note, that this must only be temporary, as the familiar is prone to explosive decompression of aether if their enhancement is forced upon them for too long. Generally this is around 3 minutes, however it may be less depending on the personal familiar. While studies have shown that this time can be increased, it is rarely by a significant margin due to less than satisfactory results.”

Huh. Well fuck you, guess you can make Bubs a big ass rat for awhile. The exploding part kind of scared you a little, so you might not… Want to use this all the time, but goshes wouldn’t that be cool? Giant rat Bubs rawr.

Beaming, you put away the book for now, thinking about the applications. Hell, infusing raw will is basically what you did as a wizard anyway, so this was easy, just had to get Bubs on board and there we go!

>You learn [Metamorphosis]

>Temporarily change your familiar’s body to increase it’s power!

>please don’t explode the Bubs.

You smirk and for a little happy dance, but as you do, you notice that the cart has stopped. You blink and look to Blake, calling, “everything alright up there?”

“I… Think so?” Blake said, scratching at his head. “There’s just sown rather large mushrooms in the middle of the road, it’s the damnedest thing.”


“Aye, aye, these should be familiar but for some reason I can’t seem to place it…”

Blake rubs at his head, shaking it about. “Head feels kind of fuzzy all of a sudden also…”

You blink and cock your head, pushing your way to the front of the cart and stare out at the road. Sure enough, right in the middle was a large, red spotted mushroom. There was honestly no purpose for it to be there, and you obviously saw that it was intentionally sitting there, waiting for something. It wasn’t moving that you could see, so maybe you should just… Avoid it.

“Can you go around it?” You ask looking at it quizzically.

“I uh…” Blake says, starting to sweat abit. “You know, maybe I should just go and check it out for a moment, I’ll… I’ll be right back.”

He starts to rise and jumps out of the cart and you can tell something clearly isn’t right here. You couldn’t stop him in time before he jumped down but you quickly perform a <fast scan>.

Oh what the hell was this? Blake was positively infested with something that was screwing his humours left and right, and you could tell that the air was practically saturated with the stuff. For some reason it didn’t seem to be affecting you yet, but you bet gold coins to circular fried dough that it was coming from the giant mushroom. Just as you were about to say something to Blake, the thing shifted and stirred, seeming to uproot itself from the ground a little, twisting to face Blake.

A feminine body was under the head of the mushroom, it’s legs terminating into a system of roots that buried further into the ground. She pure white, the color of a mushroom stem, although her hair was a bright red, almost the same color as her cap. She sported many other mushrooms all over the sensuously curved body, and she held her arms out for Blake as he trudged on towards her, a goofy smile on his face.

Shit, you needed to torch that thing before it started raping him or vice versa, so you grab your staff and start to channel your will. Of course, before you can unleash the power, you feel a strong set of hands pull you backwards, and you fail into the soft embrace of fur.

“Wizard….” Hala coos, starting to pant. “I feel all hot and bothered all of a sudden…I know it’s wrong but…” She sniffs you and starts to moan, one hand sliding in between her legs, the other holding fast to you as she started to lick your cheek.

She obviously was being affected by the mushroom…girl…thing, whatever it was called, and you were starting to panic a little. You had to save Blake, but by the gods, at the moment you needed to save yourself, because who knew how long until you too started to feel the effects too?

Hala had a very soft, very wet tongue. Truly, it wasn’t something you really should have noticed but gods damn, she just kept licking your face like it was some kind of candy and you were feeling really, really panicked as she started to moan louder, the movements of her paw between her legs becoming more furious as she held onto you tighter.

Yeah, yeah that probably wasn’t going to end well for you when she lost enough reason to remember you had a dick, so you better do something about this. Last time you were able to stop her pretty well with the [Irate Frog Song] so this time should at least give you enough reprieve to stop the damn shroom.

“Cover your ears little guy!” You think to Bubs before opening your mouth to take in a deep breath and…

In the blink of an eye, Hala had her mouth pressed against yours so tightly you almost choked in surprise, and you flailed about even more furiously, being caught totally off guard. You tried to pull your mouth away, but she held on tightly, and you could feel that soft, wet tongue probing the inside of your mouth, coaxing your own tongue to dance with hers in a tango of pure depravity.

You began to feel light headed, whether from the intense stimulation or from oxygen deprivation, and your eyes started to flutter closed some. You know, this wasn’t so bad… Hell, you could almost come to like this a little. Maybe you should just move your tongue in time with hers, just lose yourself in the swirling…

You start back to yourself, mind feeling hazy and you realize that you almost gave in to whatever this mushroom was doing to you. Hala was still going at it, and you could feel her starting to fumble at your robes, trying to pry them off while she maintained the pressure of the kiss.

You could try to blast her away with some magical force, but with the way your mind was, focusing in this situation was difficult at best and her constant… Stimulation was making things hard. In… More ways than one. You really only had one choice.

“Bubs! Sick her!”

You could feel the mental affirmative, and Bubs leaped out from nowhere and latched his sharp incisors onto Hala’s leg.

Hala immediately pulled back from the kiss, crying out in what was either pain or ecstasy (maybe both) and it gave you precious time to take a breath and begin the [irate frog song].

Hala forcefully pushed off you and flew off the edge of the wagon, howling and yelping like a scared dog again, and you quickly scrabbled out the other side of the cart, panting as you rushed towards Blake and the… God damn that mushroom girl was attractive…

Fuck fuck fuck, okay shit you needed to take care of this quickly, but you were dismayed, and slightly angered, to see the mushroom girl tightly embracing Blake, as he fumbled at his pants to remove them, his smile wide as the sky.

“Hey! Bitch!” You scream towards the monster. “Let him go and stop the spores or you’re going to be the second Plant monster I’ve torched in a week!”

The mushroom girl pulled Blake in close to her bosom and pouted, her cheeks puffing out in a rather cute voice, “No! He’s mine! You wait your turn!”

Oh okay, well if you were going to get a turn, that probably wasn’t so ba..


You hold onto your head, your vision swimming. Fucking hell, even if you removed the spores from yourself, you’d just be reinfected while the thing was alive. You weren’t really in the business of killing monsters haphazardly… Although you kind of were in the past few weeks, but this thing was a serious danger to just about anything. If it got near the town, then they’d just steal her away from you! No that just wouldn’t be… Nrgh.

You raise your staff, panting, and you begin to channel a [fireball] when you stop! cursing as you remember Blake is there, his pants… Fully off now. Oh come on guy, that was impressive but seriously. You didn’t want to hurt him, but you needed him out of the way. Only thing you could really do here was a <taser> but you were afraid that you might end up being unable to regulate the power and fry the poor man, which would serve him right for trying to go first and…

Fuck it, it had to be done. You raise your staff, power cracking off you, when you hear the sound of padded footsteps fly across the ground and loud howl fill the air,


And Hala crashes into the other monster, her first smashing the thing so hard in the face that it comes uprooted from the earth, falling over in pain and shock, and throwing Blake to the side, the man so dazed that he can’t even seem to stand right, although one part of him was quite able to stand…

Hala savagely tore at the mushroom who literally had no defense against a frenzied wolfgirl, the poor plant’s pitiful attempts to push Hala away merely ending in an arm being torn off her body, and the her throat being ripped out, a slightly yellow fluid leaking from the creature’s body as it flailed, spasmed, and died.

You felt a pang of pure loss at her death and clutched at your chest, trying to get your breath back. Oh gods she was gone, your precious was gone, dead, killed by the wolf, the wolf who killed her, damn her damn the wolf…

You look up to Hala, anger in your vision, as she exalts in the glory of her kill. Then, as if forgetting it entirely, she bounds from the corpse of the monster, throws off her leggings in one smooth gesture, and plunges Blake’s manhood into herself, causing the poor, dazed man to scream in shock and delight, as the wolf girl began shaking her hips like a wild beast. Which she was.

And that… For some reason that snapped you right back out of it. Oh gods, you seriously considered killing Hala in revenge for her doing exactly what you were going to do. That’s… Fucked up.

You quickly <fast scan> the environment to see the spores, which you were damn certain they were spores now, still present, but no longer being produced. Good, good you needed to act quick, but at least it wouldn’t get worse. You quickly probe your own body, and find the greatest concentration, of course in your head, and if felt like they were starting to germinate or something in your head. With a swift magic, you tear them from your mind and body and suddenly the haze was lifted, and your clarity of thought was returned.

You blink and rub your eyes, then look to your companions who are busy fucking like animals. You grimace and look upon them and see the exact same thing. Great, if only you could do this while not watching, but there was nothing else for it. Thankfully it was an easy procedure, and you quickly removed the parasite from both of them in rapid order.

Blake seemed to come out of it first, and he looked around, confused, before seeing Hala on top of him, and he cried out. Alarmed and embarrassed, fumbling to remove her from himself, clearly straining. Hala, on the other hand, either had a slower recovery, or she was so lost in her lust that she didn’t stop until Blake grunted and dug into her, her eyes shining brightly as she screamed out in delight. Then, without a trace of dignity, she fell limp and slid off him, onto the ground, a trail of white fluid flowing from between her legs, and a smile plastered on her unconscious face.

You look at Blake with serious disapproval, and he blushes furiously, doing his best to cover his shame.

“I uh, look Wizard, it was the Matango’s spores, it does things to people and…”


He looks downcast and turns around to clean himself up and get dressed again before putting Hala’s leggings back on. “Let’s just… Forget this ever happened, okay? And yes, you were right about the… Rape thing.”

“Of course I am.” You said, and with a casual effort, you torch the body of the Matango.

A few hours later, you sit around a campfire, looking at a vial you had filled with the damn thing’s spores. You burned the rest or froze them of whatever, all were gone beyond this vial. This stuff was seriously dangerous, but maybe it could have a use somehow, not that you could figure it out yet. Send monsters into a lustful frenzy? That sounded really dangerous…

>You obtain [matanago spores]!

Anyway, after the event earlier, Hala and Blake had both prostrated themselves before the mighty wizard, and begged forgiveness. Thankfully you were a merciful master and you grudgingly forgave them their trespass. Not that Hala seemed all that upset, but she stayed away throughout the night, staying close to Blake.

Now they both slumbered together in a bedroll as you set up for your watch out on the grasslands. Fireflies seemed to buzz about around you, small patches of light popping in and out, and Mr. Ed gave a snort in his sleep. It was pretty peaceful and you leaned back to stare at the stars, considering what you should do tonight.


“Yeah, I figured it about time.” You mentally sigh and strain your neck to look behind you.

There appeared Selene, a wicked smile plastered on her face as she whispered, “Hey Darling.”

“Hello Selene, how are you?” You say, head tilted back so you see her upside down.

She smiles wider and saunters up to you, her hips purposefully swaying. “Ara ara, so familiar with me now? I seem to recall not long ago you were terrified of me.”

She kneels down and puts her paws against your cheeks, leaning her head over yours as her smiles gets wider and a tad malicious.

“As for how I am…” She begins to apply pressure to your cheeks, stretching them and your face quickly becomes sore. “I’m a little miffed at the moment about your incident in that wagon today.”

You feel yourself start to sweat as she looks down at you, apparently trying to rip your face off. You don’t say a damn thing because there isn’t much you can do here, so you desperately hang on as you look her in the eyes, pleadingly.

And then she merely releases you just like that, raising her arms in the air with a flourish. “Ah, but it wasn’t your fault I suppose, little bitch would probably have fucked anything in that state. Nasty business those Matangos.”

She points at her head and smirks, “Messes with the heads of men and monsters, and if those spores get into a human woman, well, the results are suitably erotic for a transformation.”

You rub your cheeks and try to rise when one of Selene’s tails wraps your waist and drags you close to her, and she settles your head in her lap as you let out a surprised yelp that’s abruptly cut off mid sound when you realize you have to keep quiet. You look up to see Selene’s smirking face, right past her bosom.

“Enjoying the view?”


She chuckles and begins to stroke your hair, not saying anything. Honestly, it’s really, really nice, but the situation is incredibly off putting to you. Yeah, sure, she’s been pretty blunt about things before, but she’s never really… Done something like this. Hell, if Blake were to wake up there’s no way Selene would have gotten away in time to avoid being seen.

You look up at her again and she has the most serene face as she stares off into the distance, her hand making a smooth, rhythmic gesture across your scalp, the warmth of her body diffusing into you, making you feel safe, secure. It would be so easy just to drift away to sleep right then and there, but, no, that just wouldn’t do.

You open your mouth to speak when Selene says, “I felt the magic being used in that town you know. Dark, powerful magics, clashing against one another. And then, in the midst of it seemed a bright light, shining through the dark, cutting apart the shadows.”

You were silent for a moment. Your magic… Appeared like a blade of light? That seemed way too poetic, and you weren’t some damn hero, you were a wizard who had a rat familiar and manipulated shit and disease. You weren’t darkness, but perhaps merely a shade of grey.

Before you can stop yourself, you blurt out, “I really missed you down there.”

Her hand freezes in place and you feel her body tense up at your words and you hurriedly add, “For the battle! You know, missed you in a, uh, platonic way, yeah like things could have gotten out of hand or something.”

Selene’s hand seems to twitch at your words there and she looks down at you, a sad smile on her face. “Ah, is that it then? Of course.” She begins to stroke your head again as she continues, “It seemed you had everything in hand.”

“Yeah, yeah, just a Lich and a purple punching powered lamia, everything was in hand.”

She chuckles, “You really are an interesting one, aren’t you? Barely a child and you defeat not only the cold undead, but a Monster witch of a high caliber.”

She sniffs. “Certainly, that creature is nothing compared to me, but it felt as if she had quite the control of raw darkeness to use it in… Punching power you said?”

“Her fists were purple, yes.”

“I see. Dark magic is used by many monster witches, however few can manipulate it in a such a focal space. It’s honestly quite interesting to hear about.”

“It kind of seemed cool. Is there any way I could learn that?”

“You? I wouldn’t, you would find that the costs far outweigh the benefits unless you are a monster. Well it’s over and done with I suppose, and you seem the stronger for it. I swear, every time i see you, you seem to have grown even more attractive.”

You feel one of her fluffy tails snake it’s way under your robes and caress your leg, while another wraps around your left hand. On one hand, dear gods the fluffiness has returned and it almost made your mind go blank, while on the other hand, you still had the presence of mind to wonder how the hell she didn’t slice you up with those blades.

You cough as you look away from her, fluffiness addling your brain. “I err, yeah well, you see, uh… Th…thanks.”

Selene sighs wistfully and ruffles your hair, withdrawing her tails. “Ah, if only this could last forever…” She stretches her lithe body, and from your position you get a front row view as she opens her mouth wide, unlike that of a cat yawning. You’re not sure why her comment seemed to make you think of this, but you stir and ask,

“Selene, why were you absent from Feldergrod, or even Varruck? You has ample opportunity, yet I never seemed to find a trace of you in either.”

Selene became very quiet as she seemed to consider her answer carefully.

“I… Do not wish to enter human settlements.”

“But… Why? Surely you’re not afraid, and I had heard that you even leveled an entire…”

“SILENCE!” Selene hisses, her tails standing straight up, her paws tensing as her nostrils flare.

You become silent, trying not to breathe like a panicked animal, and only marginally succeeding. Selene grits her teeth and her tails slowly lower to the ground as she calms her breathing down. You stay like that for a good long while, too petrified to move while Selene gets her emotions back under control. Eventually she licks her lips and takes in a deep breath through her nose before saying, “I do not wish to speak further on the subject.”

“Of..of course. S…sorry.” You manage to croak out.

She shakes her head ruefully before placing a paw on your head. “It’s not your fault, I just… Well, we won’t speak further.”


She smiles again and rubs your head. “It’s fine, I’m not mad at you. I fact, I’m still very proud of you, darling.” She leans down over you and places a light kiss on your lips before smiling and pushing off from you.

“A little, good job present from me. Don’t get yourself raped now, you hear?” And she goes to move away.

“Wait!” You say, trying your best not to yell.

She turns around and quirks an eyebrow at you, the corner of her mouth curling up.

You lick your lips, trying to force the words out. “I…thank… Erm… Just.” You start to drop sauce covered noodles. “That is to say, well… Why do you serve the Monster Lady?”

Nailed it.

Selene seems startled for a moment before regaining her composure and her mouth quibbles, trying to hold back laughter.

“Ask you Hero friend why he serves the Order, and you’ll understand. Farewell for now, Love.”

And with that, she turns and speeds off into the night, leaving you back in the quiet darkness, lit by the brief flashes of light. As you lay back down onto the grass, staring up at the sky, you realize you really should have asked what she meant about the blade of light cutting through the darkness and why couldn’t you simply say thanks?

Bubs crawls onto your chest and curls up into a ball, fall into a sleep and you rub his little rat ears while you think. How things have changed in such a short period of time, and soon it would all go back to the way it was. But could it ever really go back?

That thought kept you awake until the other two woke up and you set off down the path to the Capital.

>Four days remain until the Capital

>You are free for hours inside the bumpy, cramped wagon with Hala.

>For now anyway.

You hear a soft string of curses from the front of the wagon and you put a hand to your mouth, stifling a chuckle.

“That’s the fourth damn bird that’s got me today!” Blake grumbles, wiping bird shit off his armor. He turns around and looks at you, but you’re back to threading a needle again through some scraps of cloth into the vague shape of a hat, doing your best not to break out into giggle fits. He narrows his eyes and turns back to the front of the cart, grumbling.


You consider causing another bird to shit on him again, this time maybe a larger one, but think better of it. It would be funnier if it happened later. Besides, he seemed to be suspicious now. Such is the life of a copromancer you supposed.

The sun was shining brightly today overhead and you could feel a soft warmth spread through your body from the back of the wagon, despite the covering overhead. It wasn’t that bad honestly, although you preferred the indoors still, as all good wizards should. You looked about to see Hala hanging off the back of the wagon, staring off at nothing as she was splayed out in a very undignified fashion while Blake dutifully kept the wagon rolling. It was… Peaceful.

Still, you expected SOMETHING would try to rape/kill you today, it seemed a theme made by some devious god who had it out for you. Probably Jackor, the god of pranks and general assholery. Unsurprisingly he had a fair amount of ironic worshipers, his favorite kind. Jerk.

Still, there was hope that you wouldn’t have attempted rape today, so you got back to being productive, picking up Bubs and staring him in the eyes.

“Oh boss-sama, I didn’t know you felt that way.” Bubs thought, somehow managing to sound even more like a smartass than usual.

“The hell is a sama?”

“Magic rat.”

“Gods damnit. Look, you wanted to be big and scare Dogs right?”


“Well, what did we talk about earlier?”

“If I’m a good boy and my thought sync up with yours I can become a big rat and scare dogs for 5minutes before I explode.”

“Uhhh. Yeah, except the explosion part, but that’s only if we fuck this up.”

“Still not sure I like that part.”

“Meh, it’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say big guy…”

You lower Bubs from your face, but when you do, you nearly jump back in surprise when you see Hala’s face about a foot away.

“Wizzzaaaarrdddd.” She whines. “I’m boooooorrreeeeedddddd.”

You blink and wrinkle your brow. Seriously?


You groan and put Bubs down, who immediately scurries under the pile of stuff nearby, and you fold your arms, scowling at the pouting Hala.

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“I dunno, something fun or interesting? You’re pretty good at that, make something explode, I dunno.” She says, shrugging.

“Oh, you want something to explode do you?” You say and she nods her head up and down over and over, her tail wagging like an excited dog’s. You can feel Bubs feel very, very nervous nearby.

You cough and raise your voice, “Oh Hero! Tell me again, why is it you serve the Order?”

Blake pauses for a moment and looks over his shoulder at you with a quizzical expression.

“To protect people from dangerous monsters, in order to promote coexistence between the two. It’s… Sort of a sense of duty to what the Order should represent.”

Yeah, basically what you knew before. If Selene was doing something similar to Blake, then she was serving the Monster Ladies as a matter of duty? Or was it because she believed in coexistence? But why would she have destroyed entire legions of soldiers if that was the case? Maybe it was because the monster ladies had a role that they should fulfill, but weren’t.

Hmm. Ah, but back to business.

“Yes, yes, indeed, but what about those elements I’ve heard of who do not want that? The monster hunters, the paladins?”

Hala perks up an ear and cocks her head whole Blake grimaces.

“The chantry… They… Well, look, they serve their part, but..”

“I wonder what they’ll think about you bringing your brand new monster girlfriend home?”

Hala blinks at your words and looks utterly confused. “G…girlfriend?”

Blake starts up, “W… Wizard, I..”

You look back to Hala and say, smirking, “Oh? You know, something like a mate, or a lover. Potentially a wife? Certainly that’s why you’re still around with his right?”

Hala’s eyes got very wide and her head seemed to crank like a cog slowly clicking towards Blake as her tail started to thump the floor of the wagon.

Blake choked up and he started to stutter, his face growing very, very red as Hala put on a massive smile and seemed to jump straight up into the driver’s seat, her hands on her lap and she pressed in close to Blake, like an excited child waiting for a present from a parent.

“Is that true? Is it?”

Blake’s eyes dart around back and forth and his breathing became a little heavy as his face took upon the color of a strawberry. “U..uh, uuuuuhhhhh.”

Goshes it almost looked like he was steaming! Oh dearie you, how exciting.

“Well, I.. You see, it’s, erm.” He takes a shuddering breath and nods his head slowly.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” squeals Hala in an explosion of girlish delight and she buries her face into Blake, smashing him against her.

You cock your finger and thumb back in a gesture as you point it towards the two and you make a little “boom” sound. Wanted an explosion? You got an explosion. Wizard.

True, shit would get weird when Blake did bring her there and someone tried to kill or something, but uhm. Well she probably wasn’t going to try to get it on with you anymore, so whatever. This was a net win and it got Hala out of your hair so you could get back to business. Besides, you has another joke to appease Jackor so maybe he wouldn’t fuck with you again.

“Bubs, let’s do this.”

“R…right. Why are we doing this now?”

You look towards the distracted Hala who is basically molesting Blake at this point.

“She’s not really a dog you know.”


Bubs mentally sighs and you two stare into each other’s eyes, trying to sync your thoughts. Big rat, large rat, fuzzy ball of fur. Warm rat, dire rat, hurr hurr hurr.

With a clear picture in mind of what you wanted, you raise your hands and focus your will through the link with Bubs.

And he begins to change.

It was far quicker than you’d expect, as he gained muscle mass from seemingly nowhere, his arms and legs bulging, his body swelling in size as he rapidly focused aether and your will into a new form, positively rippling in magical force.

When it was done, there stood a three foot tall, five foot long rat who looked back at you, eyes bright and excited.


You almost reel back from the force of his louder mental voice and you hold your head as it rings.

“Oi, oi, take it easy, ouch ouch.”


“Yeah yeah, alright, you got your wish and you didn’t explode, so you know what to do.”

“SURE DO.” And with that, he silently scurried up to the drivers seat and sat next to Hala, waiting.

He didn’t have to wait very long as she sensed something and looked over at Bubs before shrugging and going back to harassing Blake. A second later, her head snaps back around and she stares at Bubs who opens his mouth.


Hala flips her shit and practically backflips out of the driver’s seat, off onto the road, nearly knocking Blake out of his seat and sending the horses into a mild panic as Blake pulls hard on the reins, his face looking startled as well.

You and Bubs fucking lose it and start laughing like fucking madmen, which you very well might be. You hear Hala wimpering a little as she recovers from the shock and the fall and you nearly convulse as if something hit you like a physical force, the laugher was so intense. Oh, oh gods, that was fucking priceless. Oh man, oh wow it was so worth it, haha.

As your laughter died down you snickered and looked down to see a foot long quill protruding from your shoulder. Huh, that’s weird, when did that get there? You blink and turn around, looking at a hole punched into the canvas of the wagon cover and see a small, feminine shape moving towards your wagon, stalking with an purposeful strides.

“OI! You chuckle fucks start making shit in my territory? I’ll fucking spear all of ya, ya cunts!”

Huh. Wonder what that means. And two more quills smash through the covering of the wagon, one zipping past your head as it punches straight through the canvas at the other side, and everything seems to click back again. Ah, yes, someone was shooting at you and you had a length of razor sharp hair in your arm. Pain seemed appropriate.

So, you do the logical thing and drop to the floor of the wagon and start cursing like a god damned sailor and you head Blake yell, “Hala, no! Don’t attack the hedgehog!” And you hear a loud, yelping sound of pain.

Not that you overly care at the moment, because your shoulder was on fire. You should probably do something about this situation, but seriously.

Fuck you Jackor.

Okay, wow, this actually hurt a whole hell of a lot. You totally didn’t whimper as you put a hand to the quill and stabilized your arm. The bleeding wasn’t bad, but you figured that was because there was a giant quill in your arm, shocker. You grit your teeth and almost pull it out, but think better of it. No sense in getting blood all over the nice wagon, and to be fair, you needed to help with this far more than you needed a hole in your arm.

You pop your head out the side of the wagon and quickly dart back in as a another set of quills whizzes by you, missing your face by inches. You start to sweat and listen as Blake cries out, and the sound of deflection off steel is heard. Damnit, well at least Blake his keeping himself alive, but damnit you had to think of something that wouldnt end with you turned into a pincushion.

“Ya cheeky cunts! Ya send that little dog at me and expect it wouldn’ end with er on the ground Rollin around with a face a needles? Ya daft or just loons?”

“Damnit, we didn’t mean to disturb you, we were just on our way through!” Shouted Blake as the sound of projectiles being deflected came though again.

“Oi, oi, that’s where ya wrong eh? Ya see, I was having the best right dream of me life, bein ravaged by a great cocked wonda, ready to punch me ticket when ya cunts come by an wake me up. Now I’m right sore and I think a little blood and maybe a fuck’ll do for a right brekkie.”

“I… Have no idea what you just said.”

“Oh by the… Piss of ya cunt.”

More sounds of deflection come and you can now distinctly hear the sound of whimpering and whining in the distance, and no matter how bad your arm felt, if Hala got some of these lodged in her from that close….

“SMALLER BIG GUY.” Bubs says, tearing a small hole in your sanity. “I THINK I KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE.”

You almost vomit from the intensity, “F…fine just… Oh gods, calm your voice down.”


“What? How?”


“How the fuck do you… You know what, fine magic rat, just tell me what to say.”

And he tells you, but you kind of blanch as he finishes. “You can’t be…” Another quill flits through the canvas and you grit your teeth. “Ugh, fine.”


“Yeah, yeah…” You think as you move to the side again and take a deep breath, steadying yourself. Okay, alright, one, two, three..

You roll out of the back of the wagon and yell out, in a similar accent as the hedgehog… Wait was that a porcupine? Damnit Bla…nevermind, same as her,

“What the fuck do ya think ya fuckin’ doing, ya silly cunt? Spazzing out at cunts like a fuckin’ bull ant? I’m a fuckin’ kadaitcha, mate! I’ll point me fuckin’ bone at ya silly cunt! I’ll point me fuckin’ bone! Ya fuckin’ dead mate!”

The monster girl goes stock still and she stares at you, her eyes wide, and you finally get a good look at her.

She couldn’t have been more than 5ft. Tall, and her body was built lean and compact, with hints of delicate curves that never quite seemed to fully become hips, although she did sport a modest bust hidden behind pieces of simple cloth. Her hands and legs were covered in layers of long, tipped quills which bristled lightly as she breathed and at the end terminated in a series of clawed fingers that flexed in tension and anger. Her back was likewise covered in layer after layer of the quills, which looked larger and far more dangerous than the ones on her arms. Her skin was a shade of chocolate that reflected her dark brown eyes, which smoldered in anger as she regarded you.

“The fuck ya say to me?”

“I say uh… Ye.. Yer dead mate! I point me uh…me fuckin bone!” You had no idea what you were saying, but you could feel dire Bubs’s pride as you said it.

“Ya tellin me ya gunna right point ya bone at me, isat right?”


“Aww gods damnit, ya one cheeky little fuck ain’t ya? Right, I think I’m gunna take ya bone and shove it up me own cunt, right? Gotta finish me ol’ dream right?”

That sounded distinctly like she was going to rape you. That would be bad.

“No uh, no thanks… Mate?”

She smiled a wicked grin and charged at you, full speed, which covered ground at a blinding pace. You raised your staff in your good arm and channeled a [fireball], hurling the finished spell right at the oncoming rape train.

She could have dodged, but she didn’t. Instead, she curled up into a ball, rolled into the fire, and her quills seemed to reflect the blow before she quickly rolled back into a sprint, and before you knew it, she was on top of you, straddling your crotch with hers. She pinned your arms down and began to grind her incredibly moist nether regions against your robes, leaving sticky little tails as she did so.

You started to think furiously as her movements started to stimulate your lower body despite your will and you start raving about “dogs” and “cunts” and she back hands you across the jaw, leaving your cheek throbbing and painful as hell.

“Oi, ya shut it when I’m rapin’ ya hear? Ah fuck it, let’s just get right to it eh?”

She thrusts her hand into your robes and you gasp as she firmly grabs your cock like a lever and starts to fish it out. Her hands were fever warm against your member, but soft and delicate and you shuddered as she tried to work it loose.

Fuck fuck, you desperately tried to perform a <fast scan> to fuck with her humors! but you were so caught off guard that you couldn’t seem to make things click in your mind. Your mouth went dry and panic began to set in as you breathing grew shallow and rapid. Oh gods. You survive certain doom by a Lich, an army of undead, and a powerful lamia witch, and now you’re going to be raped here? Seriously, fuck Jackor hard.

“Cease your actions, scoundrel!” Blake cries as he charges forward, towards the rape beast upon you, and you feel a surge of hope. Oh Blake, always here to help.

The hedge… Porcupine… Whatever, casually looked over her shoulder, raised her free arm, and shot a series of quills at Blake from those growing there. Blake managed to deflect some on the shield, gods knew when he picked that up again, but one seemed to slip through, and if hit Blake on the side with not enough force to penetrate his armor, but enough to off balance his charge, and and him crashing to the dirt. Oh Blake, always here to fuck up.

The monster girl chittered with laughter and looked positively giddy as she watched Blake moan and roll himself back up, her attention off you long enough to let you think properly. At this rate, [indigestion] would just end up taking too long! you ended something quick, but fire and electricity spells would hit you too at this range. That left ice, but would it be enough? Those spines were so strong, it managed to deflect even a [fireball]!

Fuck it, you concentrate as best you can and focus a beam of [ice] at her exposed back. She freezes, figuratively speaking, as her back becomes frozen, each quill an icicle as if froze. She whipped back to look at you, her eyes wide in anger, and she outright slugs you with her free hand, the other tugging violently at your cock, causing ripples to send out through your body, making you utter a mild squeaking noise.

“That’s it, its raping time.”

As she begins to reveal your dick to the sunny sky, a form darts in from the corner of your eye and the sound of so many pieces of ice shattering was heard as the monster toppled onto onto you. Your eyes watered as her hang tugged at your cock before slipping off, and you had to struggle to push her mass off you, rolling clear while you surveyed what happened.

Bubs was utterly savaging the monster’s exposed back, his leap apparently hitting with enough force to shatter the brittle quills like glass and he began to draw blood as he chewed and snarled. The hedgehog tried her best to dislodge him, but couldn’t reach her hands around her quills, despite their frozen state, and she cried out in pain, rolling back and forth, trying to rip him off of her without success.

“Oi, oi, oi! I fucking give, I fucking give ya cunts! Call of her damn beast!” She screams, still trying to get Bubs off.

You stare at her as Bubs worked a while longer, and get your clothes back in order, slowly. Then, you look to Blake, who was back on his feet, and sigh. We do have the high ground now.

“Fine then, Bubs, that’s enough.”

Your familiar looked up at you with giant, friends rat eyes, his teeth dripping with fresh blood, and you feel mildly terrified for a moment at this creature. He almost doesn’t seem to notice at first before you glare at him and he blinks, then looks down, and slowly detaches, falling off and wandering back towards you, and the porcupine, she’s obviously a fucking porcupine, groaned and layed on the ground.

“Fucka would gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for ya meddling kids and yer rat,

You sigh and snap a finger, and Bubs begins to shrink down to his normal size. He staggers for a moment before crawling up your leg slowly, and stowing himself in your pocket as Blake walks up, sword held ready.

The porcupine grumbled and then slowly stood up, dusting herself off. “Oi, oi, I know the drill. Fuckin shit it is…” She turns and leaves pouting before shootings rock with a quill and rubbing her back, which was a bloody mess, with little effort. And with that she just… Left. Like, you didn’t have to kill her, she just, well, went home or something! W… Whatever works.

Blake helps you to your feet and you both head over to Hala, who has multiple, quills in her face, arms, and torso, as she lay in road, whimpering. Blake looks them over and breathes a sigh if relief.

“They’re all pretty shallow. I think I can remove them without much issue, but your arm…”

You shrug, and it hurts like a bitch. “It’s not that… Bad”

“The hell it is, we’re getting both of you patched up right now.”

You just didn’t feel like arguing and he took Hala by himself to the wagon where the quill was removed from your arm and the wound dressed. It didn’t seem to have been a very vital wound, but you’d probably have trouble using the left arm for a few days. As for Hala, she whined liked a Great Dane puppy, and Blake tsked at every pull of the quill.

It was early afternoon by the time you started up again, and Hala slept on the bed of the wagon while you leaned back on one of the benches. Bubs was asleep, and you felt the weariness hit you as well. There was no need to resist, and you close your eyes…

“Wizard? Hey wizard?’ Blake asks, shaking you.

You blink awake and realize with a start that it’s dark outside. You look around and see the horses tied up and munching on feed while a camp fire burned in the center of camp at the same tune as your shoulder. Hala was curled up near Blake’s bedroll, and she yawned widely, seeming content with herself. You seem a little startled, and lean back towards Blake

“It’s night?”

“Aye. Thought I’d let you sleep a little, but it’s your turn for watch. There’s some stew over the fire if you’re hungry.”

You nodded groggily and headed over to the food, your stomach rumbling as you filled your little bowl. Mmm Blake made the best travel food. Your heated bread pouches were ambrosia, but this stuff was pretty close second. As you ate your food, you sat down on a rock and listened to the sounds of the night, dominated by the loud croaking of frogs and toads, which seemed actually pretty close. Must be a lake nearby.

As you savored the food, you thought about what you’d like to do today, and wondered if Selene was going to come by later. You wondered why you even really cared, and couldn’t come up with a good answer, but you shrugged and put in another spoonful as the frog croaking grew louder. Mmm, delicious.

Ah, with contentment, you set down the bowl and stretched. Man, how does a home sleep with all those frogs singing and bugs stirring anyway? Gods, you missed civilization,


You look around sharply and see nothing, not hear anything else beyond the sounds of the night and you quietly ask, “Selene?”

No response, just more croaking. W….weird. Oh well, best to ignore it you guess and do something else. On that note,


Blake didn’t wake you up when he made camp, so that meant there weren’t any.. Oh dear.

You bolt up and open your [Magic Sight], feeling around for any signs of danger as well as fresh ingredients for your [circle of shit]. You thankfully do not find the former, but the later is in abundance, thanks critters of the world! You gather some up with your will and bring it to you, starting to lay down your wards. As you do so, you feel Bubs start to pipe up from somewhere,

“Big guy, something’s coming and it ain’t fluffy tail.”

You grit your teeth. Damnit, these wards could not be rushed, else they’d practically be meaningless. Shit, you didn’t have time, you’d have to fight whatever it is off. With that thought, you form the shit you have ready into a lance and prepare to freeze it and throw the whole thing through whatever was going to come around the bend.

Bushes rustled silently, and you tensed up, prepared to sing the song of your people, when from the darkness emerges a girl, Scratch that, not just a girl, a monster girl. She was of average height with short, blonde hair that hung around her neck and framed her face with very large, brown eyes. Her body was of average proportions as well, which for a monster girl was downright beautiful, and she wore some kind of bra and panties, which seemed made out of some waterproof material. Despite this though, her distinctive features were her long, bulbous hands and feet which had webbing in between them and were a distinct shade of green that you realized as she got closer was covering most of her appendages around around her neck.


She stops as she comes close to you and crouches down on incredibly powerful legs, then cocks her head. She stares at you before her neck expands out and she gives a low, chirruping “ribbit.”

You both just stare each other down, neither daring to make a move towards the other, and you hold your mouth shut, not wanting to make any moves to make her attack. After what seemed a mild eternity, the frog girl tilts her head the other way, then slowly raises a webbed hand and says quietly, “‘Sup”

You blink and your concentration seems to falter, the control on the shit slipping, and it falls from the air, splattering to the ground, causing the frog girl to recoil back and shield her face from the debris. You stare at it in horror and the frog girl waves her arms back and forth pleadingly.

“Woah woah dude, I don’t mean any trouble, oh shit, I’m outtie.”

She turns to bound away when you raise a hand and say, “Wait, wait, I’m sorry! That was intentional.”

You look over towards your companions and you don’t see the stirring or anything. Damn they could sleep like bricks when they wanted to. You briefly wondered if they fucked again while you were… Damnit, that wasn’t your business anyway.

“Sorry, look, I just don’t see many monster girls who don’t want to rape and or kill me on first sight, okay?”

The frog girl cocks her head the other way again and puts a long finger to her mouth. “I mean, yeah, you look really appealing and holding you down while my tongue wrapped the base of your dick as I ram you into me would be super awesome, but eh.” She shrugs.

“Not really feeling it tonight.”

That was… Oddly specific, but whatever, as long as she wasn’t raping you, it was probably going to be fine. You cough and little and ask. “If you uh… Aren’t here for that, then why are you here?”

“Eh, we don’t such many travelers these days, and that town few days away has kind of been a little sketch, you know?”

“Tell me about it, but it’s getting better.”

“Really? Wicked, maybe I can finally get a good fuck.”

She looks at you, eyebrow lifted. You shake your head and she shrugs.

“Eh, ya win some, ya lose some. Names Croakly, yeah my mother was an idiot, but what brings you this way?”

You scratch your head for a moment and think over this situation. You had been working with monsters pretty closely these past few days, but generally it had been fighting them, or trying to keep them from raping you. It was kind of foreign to talk about something else so simply. You briefly wonder if she’s trying to lure you into a false sense of security, but you’re fairly certain she could have jumped your jump, literally, in a single bound if she wanted to, so this probably… Was okay? Hell you might as well be courteous or something. Not like you couldn’t scream if you needed to, or get Bubs to wake people up.

You look around a gesture to a log nearby and she cocks her head, then smirks and hops over and crouches down on a bump on the log.

“Thanks, so anyway, where ya headed to?”

“The uh… Capital.”

“Huh, aight, that’s the big city few days up the road right?”


She pauses and quirks her mouth up before doing another ribbit. It was actually mildly unsettling what it did to her eyes actually, but you didn’t say anything. That would be in poor form. As she did so, you also noticed now that she was covered in a thin film of mucus that made her body shine in the firelight of your campfire. It had an odd effect of seeming to magnify her proportions and highlight the supple curves of her skin, especially as it trickled down into her clothing.

You shake your head and she gives a croaking laugh. “Oh, am I making you nervous? Rriiiibt, that’s kind of cute.”

“Errr, a…anyway. Yeah, we’re uh, just heading there so I can pick up a component for a magical device.”

“Oh, you’re one of those wizard types eh?”

You blink, genuinely surprised. “Y…you know what a wizard is?”

“Yeah, sure, we gots one of them lives around here, or says he is anyway. Not that anyone really goes to visit the dude. Kind of angry, especially around us monster girls.” She sighs and she leans on her elbows. “A shame, because I’d do everything to him.”

Your mouth is kind of dry as you think over the implications of this. Is there was another wizard nearby, then he surely had a Communion glass. And if he and a communion glass, then… Then you could check on your matrices! By the gods, you could see if that deadbeat finally weaved together the next installment of his runic signature! You swore, if those other deadbeats didn’t go the waifu route…

You shook you head and looked to the frog girl with genuine interest.

“Can you tell me where he lives?”

“Yeah uh, lives in some creepy ass house down the road and off through some dirt path. Kind of hard to see due to it being pretty overgrown, but it’s not that far off the road I guess.”

That wasn’t bad at all! Hell, you just had to convince Blake, and you’d what, lose part of a day? Big whoop, he’d live, you’d live, it would be a good time.

“That is wonderful, thank you.”

She beams and made the ribbit again, sounding very pleased this time as she leans in towards you. “Well gosh, if that isn’t the nicest thing. You know if you really wanted to thank me….”

“Uh… I don’t…”

She titters and pulls back. “Oh fine, be that way ya stick in the mud.”

You cough and look away from her. Then you had a thought. “You’re a frog girl, right?”

She peered down at her chest and blinked, pushing her breasts up and playing with them a little. “Yep, still a frog girl.”

“Ri…right. Uhm, you wouldn’t uh, happen to know anything about a uh…” You wave your hand. “Well, I call it the [irate frog song].”

She blushes furiously when you mention it. “O…oh my. Y…you know the song? Oh, oh wow, are you sure you don’t want a little fuck, because god damn that’s hot.”

“Errr. Maybe we should forget about that then…”

“Oh hell no, come on, give me a little taste.” She says, leaning closer, exposing her cleavage to you as her eyes get wide.

“I…it would wake up the others.”

“Fuck em, come on big guy, give me a little of that.”

You lick your lips. Shit, this was looking bad. You and your big mouth. Ugh, but you didn’t want to make this situation that much worse… Nrgh, fine, if you did so, you’d have your friends… Huh, when did you think of them as friends? Anyway, they’d be awoken just as surely if you did this, so whatever. Not like you’re in any danger.

You open your mouth, and sing the [irate frog song] and as you do, you feel a tingling sensation around you, but you sing the song of “REEEEEEEEE”

Croakly utterly gushes and her eyes get huge as she squeaks in pure ecstasy. “Ohmaigods ohmaigods ohmaigods that’s so hot oh, ohhhhh.”

You finish the song quickly and watch as She squirms about, feeling herself up and down. “Oh wow, oh, oh gods from a man’s throat it’s… It’s so wonderful. You could improve it by making the second EEE longer, like this, “REEEEEE!”

While mildly terrified, you also see the logic I what she’s doing. Of course, of course, it all made sense now…

>Your [Irate frog song] improves!

>You’re even more loud and obnoxious!

It was odd though, as the glistening, heavily panting, sexy frog lady stared at you with lust filled eyes, you realize that everyone else is asleep. And that Bubs isn’t screaming in your head. Huh, that’s odd. Actually, you couldn’t feel him at all, almost as if someone had put up some kind of…bar…rier…

Oh fuck

“Ahem.” Says Selene from behind you. “Love, would you mind explaining what’s going on here?”

You looks between Selene and Croakly, then take in a slow, deep breath, and tell Selene the truth.

“What does it look like we’re doing here? We’re talking shop about our frog song, from an actual frog. Apparently it’s just… better for her than for most that hear it. We’re also talking about this other wizard who lives down the road. What, you didn’t think I’d be doing something… untoward, did you?”

Selene narrows her eyes at you and you look back to Croakly, who’s still kind of drooling a little.

“Croakly, back me up here.”

She blinks for a moment, and then shakes her head as if coming out of a trance. “Huh? Who wha? Oh fuck, who the hell is that?” She says, jumping back from Selene in an acrobatic leap which ends with her hitting a invisible wall, and then sliding down it in pain.

Selene casually walks forward and picks Croakly up with one of her tails, the Frog girl looking a little desperate. “H…hey now, I didn’t do anything to him, honest!”

You stand up quickly and hold out your hands pleadingly. “Selene, I’m being honest here. Yeah, so maybe asking advice on improving what could be mistaken as a ‘frog girl’ mating call was a bad idea, but she really helped me Improve it so no other monsters would rape me or something. Look, nothing happened, nothing will happen, please. Just put her down.”

Selene crosses her arms and looks back and forth between the two of you, and then sighs, rolling her eyes. “Oh very well. I’d know if you were lying to me anyway.”

She gently sets down Croakly who backs up against the barrier, staring at Selene. The older monster bears her teeth, canines glinting in the firelight.

“Uh…uh, wow, like sorry, if I knew he had a mate I wouldn’t have come over, not that I was going to, you know, just the song and all.”

You look at Croakly, “Uh, she’s not my…” And you quickly shit up as Selene raises and eyebrow.

“Oh calm yourself little frog, had I meant to end your life I would have already done so. Besides, I like watching my little wizard squirm.”

As she says she she saunters over and embraces you, one hand on your arm, the other on your chest as her leg slides up your body. She presses her head next to yours and smiles at Croakly.

“Would you care to stay and chat a while?”

Croakly looks between the smiling Selene and the stunned you, and gulps before making another “rrrrrribbt. I… I think I’m good. Uhm, thanks for the chat and the song, uh, wizard, it was radical. If you’re ever down here again uh…” She looks up at Selene and balances a little. “I..if you could.”

Selene sighs. “Oh very well. Have a pleasant evening, and do be quiet on your way out.” You can feel the barrier drop around you, as the delicate noises of the evening return in force. Croakly looks about for a moment, then skedaddles the fuck out, doing her best to not make noise as she escapes back into the bushes.

“BOSSSSSSSSSS.” You suddenly hear in your head, and Bubs flies out of nowhere, stops in front of you and mentally squeals, “Oh god boss, I felt her coming, but then she was here and then it went quiet and…” He trails off as he sees Selene fully. “Oh.”

Selene waves at him and smiles, closing her eyes. Bubs squeaks some and slowly… Backs away.

“It’s fine little guy.” You send to Bubs, “I’m good.”

“Right. I’m just going to… Hide over here.”

“I’ll get you a Bubby snack later.”

And with that, Bubs scurries away under a pile of detritus. Leaving you with… Selene. You sigh and pinch the bride of your nose. “Was that really necessary?”

“Well, you were going to wake your entire little encampment, and then I wouldn’t get my time with you, would I?” She says, a cute little pout on her face. “Besides, she looked like she was chomping at the bit so to say when you started that ghastly song.”

You take in a deep breath. Right, right, crazy super old, super powerful, super JEALOUS cat lady. You weren’t really afraid of anything from her, that’s not what this situation was, but you were afraid she might have second thoughts about sparing Croakly, and it would make you sad to see such a nice monster die. Only one thing to do.

“Look, Selene, don’t get so worked up, it’s not like I have uh..” You gulp. “E..eyes. for anyone but you anyway.” And then, you reach over with your free hand and start scratching her behind her large cat ears.

She blinks in shock and then melts into your body as she starts to utter a low, rumbling noise that shakes your frame, her mouth hanging half open, and a look of pure bliss upon her gorgeous face. You keep this up for abit longer, moving her hand across her ear, moving between stroking the pinna delicately and scratching vigorously the base. Her purring grows in intensity as she does so, and she pushes in towards you, her tails standing loose, but jerking every so often as if they had a mind if their own.

When you stop, her body seems to collapse onto yours like a sack of gelatin, and she starts panting a little, trying to catch her breath. “A…ara ara, wh…who said you could so freely touch me?”

You kind of feel like you just did something which may be considered incredibly erotic among cat girls and you gulp. “Uh, well, you know, it just felt like uh, you’d enjoy it?”

Selene smirks and pulls in close to you, then plants a little kiss on your cheek, and you feel yourself flush. Oh boy. “You were right.” She whispers into your ear.

You stammer, starting to feel uncomfortable. “Uh… Uh, h…hey, let’s take a seat shall we?”

You point to the log and move to break from Selene, but she holds fast you.

“I don’t know…” She drawls on languidly. “I kind of like seeing you flustered like this.”

“I’ll uh… I’ll rub your head?”

She considers this for a moment, and then smirks. “Oh very well then.” She let’s you go and you zoom zoom zoom onto the log. At least you could kind of hide this gods forsaken boner that way. Of course, then Selene lays down and rests her head in your lap, staring up at you.

“Oh this is nice too.”

Gods was her head soft and warm. Fuck everything, she really was trying to make you squirm. You needed to just…. Just change the subject.

Your hand slowly drifts down to her head and begins to stroke her hair delicately, and she lets out a sigh, stretching before crossing her arms on her chest.

“It’s been faaarrrr too long since anyone has done that you know. I almost forgot how good it felt to have a man’s hands run through you hair.”

Internal screaming.

“S…so, there’s this wizard up the road…”

“Yes…” Selene says, her expression becoming sedate. “I can feel the magic around his abode. It’s quite elaborate for this day and age, but nothing like what wizards could do before. Still, I believe he might be more powerful than you.”

“Oh, okay then.”

“Ara ara… Is that a tone of jealously I hear? Oh, don’t worry, I too only have eyes for you.”

You pause for a moment and sigh. “Selene… It’s not like I don’t enjoy these moments together, and fighting can sometimes be a rush, but I don’t think I can entertain you for much longer. Our journey is almost over, and then I’m going home.”

Selene is quiet and the sounds of night play a symphony about you. The sound of frogs calling in the distance had died down some, but crickets and other insects began to play their tunes, and suddenly you felt very, aware. Aware that what you said was true. While you did feel sort of an existential panic when Selene said she loved you, you didn’t actually hate your little moments together. Hell, you legitimately missed her back in Varruck.

But what you said after that was also true. You still just wanted your glass to go home, and return to the life you once lived. That’s it. This game between you and she would have to end eventually, and you had to make sure it ended with your virginity intact. You were a wizard.

With a Z.

Your attention drifts back to Selene as she stirs and looks up at you, her eyes searching yours. She seems to find something and then nods her head before closing her eyes.

“No, you won’t.”


“You won’t just get your glass and leave. I don’t believe for a second that you could avoid everything that will come to pass. Once you enter that city, you won’t be able to stop events from occurring. Instead, I feel you’ll be the one to shape them.”

She smiles wanly. “I don’t believe in fate much, but I do believe in people.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“Nor do I, nor does anyone, but things are starting to build up again, and I can feel the pull of my lady, that self absorbed little bitch. When she calls for war, I’ll have to be there, and I’m afraid I’ll see you on the other side.”

“What if I refuse, if I choose to stay the course? I don’t have any intention of getting involved in any of this war nonsense like Blake wants. I’m not a fighter.”

She opens her eyes, looking tired. “Don’t disappoint me, love.”

You both just sit there, you stroking her hair, and she, resting in your lap. You had no idea how this escalated so quickly, or where it came from, but holy hells, that was a lot to think about. But if she was going to leave you on her own… Then something inside you felt a little sad at the thought and you felt a desire within to talk with her.

After many minutes had passed, you asked quietly. “Tell me about yourself.”

She blinks and looks at you quizzically, “Hmm? That’s interesting, you’ve never been so curious before…”

“If you’re going to leave then… I guess I should know a little bit more before I lose the chance.”

She smirks and rubs her head into your hand, giving a light purr. “Very well then, I suppose you’ve earned it then. What would you like to know?”

Good question, you take a long while to think about what you’d like to ask about.

“Well…” You say, choosing your words carefully. “Why don’t we start off with how you came to serve the Monster Ladies?”

Selene chuckles softly in your lap. “Oh, that. Well, let’s see, it was around the time of the 3rd Monster Lady, Terebitha, when I decided to venture forth as a young warrior and try my mettle against the greatest of Monster kind, so I could fight the good fight against the humans, and bring their little Kingdom under the rightful rule of monster kind.”

She looks up and you and blushes. “No offense.”

“Uhm, none taken?”

“Heh, right. Well, there I was, facing down Darloth, a Dullahan warrior, when I sent her head flying halfway across the arena to land at the feet of none other than the lady herself. She thought the spectacle was so amusing, she brought me in as one of her elite warriors. From there, I’m certain you know of the assault on Sanctifrond?”

Of course you did, it was about one and a half thousand years ago, but everyone remembers the tale of the grandest monster invasion ever, where the capital was sieged and only through the combined might of the Hero Ajax and the Sorceress Bella, was the Monster Lady put down, her army scattered to the four winds. That battle is partially why certain monster populations such a hellhounds and salamanders can be found stalking outlying mining towns even now, though they generally do well with humans, so sayeth rumors.

“Well, I was the one who broke the barrier around the city I suppose. I was pretty eager to prove myself and I guess I went a little overboard… But at the time it seemed like a good idea. Still, when Terebitha was killed, I immediately saw what was right in front of me the whole time. The monster horde is just that, a horde united around a strong, fear inducing leader, and without one, it’s nothing more than a collection of… Of savages.” She twists her mouth, as she had eaten something bitter.

“When the dust settled and everyone had returned to the Monster territories, it was like nothing ever happened. A new lady was chosen and everyone just accepted that these things happen. They talked about fighting and taking prisoner husbands and converting new women and I realized that nothing had changed, but me.” She looked up at the sky and sighed. “I figured out during that war that continuing on this way would one day result in the end of either us of them, and the cycle of fear and hate would end up destroying everything. So I did the only thing I could do, I used my clout gained in the invasion and became one of the four Temple guardians with the goal of keeping the Monster Ladies in check. You wonder why the next 9 invasions were relatively mild compared to the 3rd? It’s because I managed to keep the Ladies grounded in reality, kept losses to a minimum, but of course, I couldn’t stop them entirely.”

You stare openly at Selene as she just relates everything to you without a hint of hesitation. Apparently she either implicitly trusted you, or she didn’t care at all about letting this get loose, but you just kept listening raptly.

“And that worked fairly well for a time, hell, during the 4th invasion the Lady, Sekmopt, an Anubis was enamored by a battle wizard named Gregor and the invasion ended when they eloped and she left her position open. Selene beamed brightly, “they had really cute puppies.”

You cough into your hand. “You uh, you implied that it stopped working?”

“Yes…, she starts, her voice becoming sullen. “The 7th Invasion was not actually an invasion, more than a counter measure. It was actually a counter invasion by the Order after the 6th Invasion and many, many monsters were slaughtered and land seized by the decree of the human King of that time. He uh…” She seems to choke up for a moment, and takes a deep, shuddering breath. “He uh… Ordered the execution of entire species of monsters. One such being.. My…m…my.”

You rest your free hand on hers and she grabs onto it, squeezing it for reassurance before speaking again. “I wasn’t there when I happened, but if had heard my people were slaughtered utterly and without remorse, not a single kitten had remained.” She takes a deep breath. “I didn’t… Want to talk about this yesterday, but when I heard the news, I did not take it well. I… I was the only monster present in the entire 7th invasion. I annihilated Ravenshold, a border city. Not a single soul was left alive. I… I can never forget that, not to this very day.”

Fuck, so it was true. “I can’t even imagine the pain you felt, still feel I guess.”

She squeezes your hand again and takes in a shuddering breath. “Thank you….”

You feel a change of subject is in order. “Uh..t…tell me about the other Temple guardians.”

Selene shifts uncomfortably and is silent for a moment before sighing and responding. “Oh very well.. As I mentioned, there are four temple guardians, whose duty is to advise and protect the Monster Lady as she rules over Monster Controlled land. When an invasion is not in progress, we are essentially free to act and advise as we see fit. For myself, it’s keeping invasions off the minds of others, or otherwise calming our people until their passion grows too hot, and I direct it as is fit. Since the… Incident, I haven’t been forced to hold a particularly heavy role in battle, but if I was ordered to….” She shrugs and makes a little exploding gesture with her hand.


“Indeed. But it hasn’t come to that, yet. As for the other three….first is Tolosh, a Kejourou, and the spiritual leader of the monsters. She is the high priestess of Dollora and her power as a priestess is as powerful as her faith.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I’d probably lose some of my tails if I tried to kill her at the height of her power.”


“The next is Victoria, an Arachne.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Her hobby is kidnapping humans and turning the men into one stop semen shops and women captives into other spiders via cocoons that she immaculately grooms. She basically has an army at her beck and call and her speciality is to strike when the foe least expects her.”

“That sounds more bad.”

“Clearly. Last is…ugh, Third.”

“Well, sure she’s third, but what’s her name?”

“No, that’s just it. Her name actually is Third. She’s a Chimera and… Well even I am creeped out by her. She’s just so odd and rarely ever speaks, except to take commands by the Lady.”

“How did someone like that become a Temple Guardian?”

“…She was made by the current lady to replace the former member after she angered her. No one has added to question the decision.”

You are both silent at that as you think it over. What kind of… Pardon your phrasing, MONSTER, does that to her confidants? You felt you had to ask.

“Selene, it’s obvious you don’t like this Lady very much. Why would you serve her, don’t hell, why wouldn’t you just, I don’t know… Depose her?”

Selene’s eyes get wide. “You have no idea what that would mean. Yes, she’s an egotistical, narcissistic, homocidial, megalomaniac of a Dragon with a mean streak to boot, but if she was deposed, it was be unprecedented. Many species of monsters on live together because of the rule of the Lady, if she was gone, nothing would stop them from wrecking havoc across the world.”

“Then… Why don’t you just become the lady? Surely you’ve had ample time.”

Selene think about it and shrugs. “It’s Implied that temple guard serve The Ladies, no guardian has ever BECOME one. No, no I can’t do it.”

“But that doesn’t make…”

“Please? Just trust me on this one. Someone else could defeat her, and while it would be my duty to try and stop it, it’s not like I’d be sad about it.”

“Are you saying you want me to…”

“I am not saying anything except watch yourself, because fate is not going to be kind to you. Do you understand”

You didn’t, but sure, why not. “I do. “

“Thank you, So, what else do you want to know?”

Might as well get the elephant out of the room…

“Hmmm, tell me about Victor.”

Selene thinks for a moment, a smirk touching her lips as she begins to speak again. “Ah, I see. Victor… Was a wizard as I had mentioned before, one of tremendous power who lived very much like you I assume, alone and in his little house, spending his days on that magic network or whatever.”

“Communion matrix.”

“Sure, that. He was about 35 when I met him, and only because he had to leave his house in search of, and I quote, “the ultimate elixir.” I have no idea what that is and he wouldn’t explain it to me.”

She looks at you, expectantly and you zip the fuck up. The ultimate elixir was a story told in hushed whispers and private runic signatures about a mountain elixir so potent that it’s flavor could not only sustain a wizard, but enhance their power as well. Normies could never know about this and it was an unspoken rule that you did NOT discuss it openly. That this Victor would break such a commandment…

Selene rolls her eyes. “Well anyway, I found him one day on one of my little sojourns, searching through a map on the side of a road near the monster border and I thought he might be a good lay to help clear my mind.”

You raise and eyebrow and she scoffs. “What, did you think I was a virgin? Oh by the gods no, with hips like these? I’ve raped more men then you’ve probably ever met in your life, although i never had any kittens, which might have been a blessing… Anyway, before I could pin him down, the bastard has placed a chaining spell on me and was busy asking directions.”

She chuckles, “The nerve of that man! I could have broken him in two, but his cocksure attitude was so different from the other Wizards I had met after that ‘communion matrix’ was invented, secluding them indoors, and I was intrigued. He and I traveled the lands together, having adventures, and eventually I felt something I’d never felt before: genuine love.” She smirks and looks into your eyes, searching.

She seemed to find something again and gave a nod. “Of course, we both knew that should he give in to me, his powers would be gone and he’d be a… Norman?”

“Normie, but that works as well.”

“Right, normie, and although he tried his best to grow apart from his feelings, I knew he felt something too. But he never did touch me, not once, and I tell you, I masturbated furiously because of it.”

“I don’t think I needed to know that.” You said, blushing, and Selene merely waved a hand back and forth.

“Oh don’t be such a… Wizard. So yes, our journey took us to the Solomon mountain, where he believed this elixir was. When he found a cave that he thought the elixir was in, he told me to stay put and he’d retrieve it.” She looks crestfallen again, “I waited an hour before going in, and there I found him being raped senseless by a hungry manticore. She hit him before he fully knew what happened and the shock of her furious raping had damaged his pelvis and internal organs so severely that we both knew once he had ejaculated, his life was essentially over.”

Her voice became little more than a whisper.”I… I killed the manticore and finished him off myself. I still remember as I placed him inside me, he whispered, ‘I’m glad it was you.'”

You close your eyes and take that in. What a life Selene had led up until now. And this Victor, you could almost feel a certain kinship with him, and this terrified you. Was that to be your fate? Killed by some monster’s wonton smashing of your pelvis into paste, dying with a smile on your lips as you lost your wizardhood? You felt so very small and powerless for some reason.

“Looks like I’m just making things harder for you, sorry. Why not…”

“You really do remind me of him, in some ways.”

You pause what you’re saying and kind of choke up as she lifts her hand and strokes your beard. “Of course, his beard was much longer, but you have the same eyes, full of determination and intelligence, fixated so much on your convictions that it gives you strength.”

She sighs a curls her tails up into herself. “Maybe I’m just trying to replace him with you, but it just doesn’t feel that way, I don’t know.” She wipes at her eyes. “Look at me, all emotional again. I haven’t cried in front of anyone in ages.” She chokes out, “I guess i really do fall for your kind, huh?”

You uh. Wow. See, this has happened before, but last time you were in a death grip and goshes you were afraid. This time, she was just so… Vulnerable, and you couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything but shame at having really felt afraid of her or her feelings. You still did, she was a crazy powerful monster and you still didn’t want to have sex, but damnit, you had to admit that you liked her. Platonically. No seriously, it wasn’t a lie to yourself, but the truth.

You rub her head again and whisper. “It’s fine. I think I understand, and maybe I should be honored that someone like yourself took interest in someone like, well, me.”

She chokes up, laughing. “G…gods wizard, I… Hah, that sounds almost like affection.”

“Well,” you start, smiling, “you know me.”

“Not quite as well as I’d like…”

You chuckle and rub her ears. “Fine, but only if I can touch one of your fluffy tails.”

She laughs and does that “ara ara” thing before waving a tail in front of your face, and you start to tell her about yourself.

You spent the rest of your watch, Selene curled up in your lap, talking to each other about your lives, hobbies, etc. You found out that Selene actually had two sisters and that she had a hobby of carving wood statues. Her favorite was tiny reindeers for some… Reason…

Still, as the night began to shift into day, Selene had to give her farewell, and left as stealthy as she came, leaving your lap warm and lonely. It wasnt long after that Blake and Hala woke up, and you all set off on the road again. You related to Blake your need to see the other wizard, but omitted the source, and he seemed skeptical, but went with it. Hala merely glared daggers at you the entire morning and you had no idea why.

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