Author’s note: Edited 5/19/16
It’s late afternoon by the time you reach Feldergrod, and all you can do is marvel at its grandeur.
Okay, so it isn’t that grand, but it is large enough to have its own wooden wall and multiple brick buildings, all painted a similar shade of earthy brown with white shingled roofs. Considering where you came from, this is pretty impressive. As you approach, you can hear the sounds of an active town. The sound of people talking and children laughing merged with wagons being pulled and deals being struck. It was an invigorating sound. Of course, it would also be chock full of normies. Ugh.
And women. Gruh.
And, if rumors were true, Monsters. Grungh.
You look over at Blake, the man appearing pensive and not really looking at much of anything at all as you approach the gates. A man in red and white livery holds up a hand, the other adjusting on his spear as he calls, “Halt! Who goes there?”
Blake stands to attention and address the guard, “We are but humble travelers, here to seek shelter under the walls of Feldergrod.”
The guard looks at the two of your quizzically, but shrugs, his posture suggesting he really doesn’t care. Before he can reply however, you bust in, “Nay, don’t be so modest SIR Blake.”
You look at the guard, a shit eating grin on your face as you continue, “Do you not recognize Blake, champion of the Order of the Heroic Brotherhood, scourge of the North, rider of bulls, and a worthy champion who hath bested none other but a Minotaur in combat!”
The guard stares at you with surprise, followed by incredulity, then smug satisfaction. “Oh, aye? A champion rider of Minotaurs eh? Well, SIR Blake, there are a few of the like who frequent these walls now and again, so perhaps you’d like to, ah, thrown down against them eh?”
He begins to snicker, causing you to do the same before both of you break into full out laughter.
Blake just stands there, clenching his jaw as his cheeks go red in embarrassment. After maybe three minutes and fifty-two seconds, you both stop and the guard waves you in mentioning something about “not causing too much trouble” and “cheeky cunts.”
And before you know it, you’re in the city proper as your boot comes down upon a light cobblestone road. You blink in amusement at the feeling, having not seen so much of it in a town before, and take stock of your surroundings. The red brick and white buildings you saw before are now all around you, with windows and doors open to let the rays of sun and potential customers in. Children play in the street while adults go about their business, the men working and the women cleaning or fetching from the marketplace for the most part. Here and there you see a Monster in the streets, a Minotaur hefting heavy barrels like they were nothing, or a Centaur hitched to a wagon.
It’s sort of unnerving to see after your little adventures on the road, but the few Monsters you saw were tastefully clothed and didn’t seem likely to randomly just rape people in the streets. You do see one Centaur cup a man’s face and give him a long, passionate kiss, but otherwise, that was about it.
Disgusting, truly disgusting.
As you look about, Blake brushes past you and heads toward a section of city with a brisk pace, marking him as obviously familiar with the layout. You blink a few times before scrabbling past to catch up with him. The two of you get a few odd looks here and there, with some obvious blushes for Blake from town girls and a few obvious scowls from townsmen. You personally get a one or two Monsters tracking you with their eyes, with one very confused and horny looking Centaur flaring her tail before tripping over a loose stone and toppling the cart she pulled over onto the ground. Serves her right, eh?
As you turn the corner of a building, light floods your eyes and you hold up a hand to shield yourself from the brilliance. As your sight returns to you, it became clear that the light was the reflection of the sun off the surface of the river. Small ships float in their docks while others drift lazily on by. Sailors, Monsters, and merchants of all varieties trade good, load boats, and generally fill the place with a sense of life and vitality.
While awe inspiring, it also makes you very uncomfortable. So… So. Many people! And so many of them were… Women! Wearing nothing more than vests and short leggings no less! Disgusting. So very disgusting.
You don’t hesitate to hurry after Blake as he heads for a nearby building, throwing the door open before heading inside. You take a look at the sign above the door and see what appears to be a snake tail coming from a woman’s torso. In large letters it said, “The Lamia’s Nest.” That… doesn’t sound good.
Hesitantly you go inside, bracing yourself to burn the whole God damned place to the ground if you had to. Bracing yourself, you peer about to see… People. Just regular, everyday, ordinary people. Two legs and everything! True, it was pretty early in the afternoon, so a place like this was bound to be a little empty, but a few humans sat around here and there, nursing drinks while barmaids move to clean tables and serve food.
Blake strides forward to a desk where a bored looking woman leans on the counter, her head resting on her fist while she watched the patrons. She speaks in a bored voice, not even looking at the two of you, “Welcome to The Lamia’s Nest, how can I help…”
She cuts off as she takes notice of Blake and straightens, a smile touching her face. You notice that she’s rather pretty, with a round face and fair skin. From what you can see, she’s wearing a tight fitting corset that showed off her ample breasts, and her radiant blue eyes flutter in delight as she spies Blake.
“Well if it isn’t Sir Blake! I was wondering when I’d see you again. I thought you’d forgotten all about poor little Misha…”
Blake sighs, “Good day to you as well Misha. I need a room for the night and a strong brew.”
Misha pouts and touches a finger to her lips. “Always so forward with you Blakey dear. Honestly, It’s always the same with you Order types.” She leans forward, exposing her ample cleavage to Blake. “Although none of them ever treated me like you did.”
You began to feel incredibly uncomfortable and cough violently in your hand. Blake looks over his shoulder and rolls his eyes while Misha studies you quizzically. “Oh? Who is this Blakey? A friend?”
“A companion, yes.”
Misha pouts further, puffing out her cheeks “Oh poo. And here I was hoping you may share a room with me this evening…although…” She looks you over again and smirks, the gesture making your spine shiver.
“That’s enough of that Misha.”
She seems to take the hint and straightens her back before beckoning to one of her staff. “One Hespertan for the gentleman, and make certain that room 14 is ready.”
The girl bows to her, then you, also showing ample cleavage. Gruh. Fucking cities and their damn high women ratio. As she scurries off you look over to Blake and raise an eyebrow. “What now?”
Blake walks to a booth in the common room and slouches over. “Why don’t you go explore the city or something.” That sounds stupid as hell.
“That sounds stupid as…” You begin, but your words die in your throat as you look toward Blake. He has absolutely no expression on his face. It is as if some Demon came by, stole his soul, and left this sitting there.
Maybe you should explore the town for abit.
You back up slowly as the waitress brings a tall mug of some brown and frothy liquid, and you slink out of the common room. As you head for the door, you hear Misha call to you, “Be careful out there, or you’ll be eaten alive, hehehe.”
You slowly nod your head, not even facing her, and stiffly walk out into the dockside air. Alright. So. That was weird. It’s best not to think about it, and instead decide to head somewhere. Of course, that posed the question of “where.” You honestly don’t really care about this place, but you need to kill some time for Blake or cool down. Maybe he didn’t care for the minotaur comment? A shame, because it was so funny!
But back to the task at hand. Let’s see, you’re in a larger town, tons of river traffic, which means… You perk up as you realize that they may have magical implements! You can barely hold back your desire to peruse for quality implements which you can put on your mantle when you return home. You feel in your pocket to see how much money you had and… where is it? You search a bit more and come up with nothing. You had left your [Money Pouch] at home! Groaning, you kick a rock down the street. Well shit.
Wait…that’s it! Shit!
You perk up again and look about, sniffing the air for a distinctive smell…. Ah, there it is. You follow the smell down the docks for a while and find what you’re looking for. Stables. Massive stables. Probably a sale barn or something that held the livestock which came down the river.
With your cockiest grin, you roll up the sleeves of your robes, exposing fairly fit arms, and stride up to an important looking man directing traffic near the stables. The aura of confidence you exude makes it seem like you practically own the place. You plant fists on your hips, open your mouth, and… You promptly spill sauce covered noodles.
“Ah, erm, yes, hail there sir, I would like to, well you see that is…”
He turns to you, a frustrated look on his face. “Oi, the fuck you want ya right sure cunt weasel?”
“Oh well, yes, I was wondering, that is, seeing if you perhaps needed services cleaning your ah, that is to say, these stables for a well, fee.”
He lifts a lip in a snarl before waving a hand dismissively. “I gots enough stable mucks, so piss off ya shitfucker”
You’re sweating by this point, but you manage to say. “But i can clean it faster than everyone combined.”
The man lifts and eyebrow and faces you fully, looking you up and down. “Oi, Oi, ya pullin ma jank ya cheeky cunt? Not even that hero Hundrunkucles could clean these stables so quick-like.”
You take a deep breath and observe the stables, yes, this should work. Closing your eyes, you slowly raise your arms. Hay begins to shiver and shake in the nearest stables and with a quickly gathering momentum, shit rises from stalls to form into a ball. More and more shit begins to accumulate into the ball from a distance, forming a massive orb of pure shit, which causes your arms to shake under the strain of moving so much feces.
And then, it was done. Panting, you look over to the stable master, who’s eyes are wide, his jaw slack. He slowly reaches into his pocket and withdraws a gold coin before pressing it into your hand.
You clench your fist tight over the money and, with an effort of will, you hurl the ball over into a waste heap on the side of the building. It hits with a sickening squelch, and splatters of crap fly into the air, mixing with the spills that were there before. With a grunt of effort, you grin and snap your fingers at the stable master, pointing both index fingers at him in what you assumed was a cool gesture.
He’s still kind of in shock, as you notice a stray piece of poo sitting on the ground. With simple gesture, you use your aetheric might to fling it behind you without looking. There comes a soft squishing sound followed by a few feminine screams. You frown and turn around to see a tall, dark skinned man in dark red robes and polished, expensive looking shoes, staring at a brown stain on the front of his robes.
He studies the stain disdainfully while two women on his shoulders titter around in disgust. He slowly raises a hand to his face and pushes down a pair of shaded spectacles before saying, “Oh heeeelllll no. You did not just fling shit at Franz Jakovitch.”
Oh geez. This was just what you needed, some pompous asshole in your face. But… This was kind of your fault after all. Probably the right thing to do to clean it up.
You quickly snap your fingers and the dung flies off his clothes like a butterfly from a spring flower, and flutters to join the rest of the stool.
“I ah, yeah, sorry about that and uhm, sorry.”
Franz Jakovitch raises an eyebrow before inspecting his robe. He scrunches his nose as if he smelled something distasteful and says to the women around him, “Dayum girls, you see this two bit little sorcerer flinging his kinetomancy around like he’s some hot shit?”
He sneers at you, “But the only hot shit round here is the aetheric stench you left behind. Shit, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were attuned to it, because dayum do your aetheric signature smell like week old funk rolled into a basket of rotten tomatoes.”
Fucking. Savage. This son of a bitch just took your ass to town in a metaphysical sense and he wasn’t done there. The girls on his shoulder giggle at this and press close to him. “Sheet, I ain’t never seen a sorcerer with such a damn dopey ass look to his magic.”
You mumble, head down, “I said I was sorry…”
“That’s right, you sorry, one sorry ass little hedge mage thinks he got the privilege to stand in front of Franz Ja-ak-o-vitch.” He then shrugs his shoulders and looks back to his girls. “Now now, I am a kind sorcerer, and I can forgive such transgressions.”
He smiles very wide, and you can see some gold teeth inscribed in runes that you’re fairly certain say “Franz Jakovitch.”
“Show me some of yo’ magic, and if you keep me entertained, maybe I’ll teach you a few pointers on how to not be such a bitch.”
You aren’t spoiling for a fight, but this muthafucker needs to be taught a lesson in magical might. Who fuck does he think he is? Franz Jakovitch, obviously. But yeah, fuck that. You aren’t going to fight him, yet, but you think flexing some magical muscle is worth it. Taking a moment to focus your rage and embarrassment, you go silent, and then SEE.
>[Magic Sight] activated
You see the world in a slightly different light. Well, not exactly, but you CAN see this bastard sorcerer’s little enchantments. He has two vibrantly glowing stones in one pocket, obviously mana stones, where he draws his magical power from.
You gather your energy and as you let your rage pour out, and you begin, “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little moor? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Arcane University, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Monster Lady’s castle, and I have over 300 confirmed Monster kills.”
You point at the shit pile again, and it flows upwards into a spout, slowly turning and twisting, creating a tornado of pure feces. “I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top Wizard in the entire Order arcane corps. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this Kingdom, mark my fucking words.”
With your base of swirling shit, you begin to create bursts of ice in the funnel, forming crystalline shapes and casting a glassy hue to the twister. The aetheric energies sparkle in your [Magic Sight], but you take no time to appreciate it as you keep talking.
“You think you can get away with saying that shit to my face? Think again, peasant. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of familiars across the land and your spirit energy signature is being traced right now so you better prepare for the shitstorm, maggot. The shitstorm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid.”
With a snap, electricity crackles and sparks through the storm, infusing the crystals and creating a sparkling, chaining light. “I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you with over seven hundred spells, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in elemental magic, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Order of Heroic Brotherhood and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit.”
And then you touch off the unaltered core with a little fire. It explodes as the fuel gives it life, and a column of pure flame appears in the center, reflecting off the electrically charged ice. It’s a straining as fuck to keep the ice going as you do this, but to anyone looking with the sight, they’ll see a God damned rainbow of magical energies.
It’s beautiful, honestly.
“If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you Goddamn idiot. I will literally shit fury all over you, and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”
With that, you stare directly into Franz Jakovitch’s eyes, and begin your [Irate Frog Song]. The swirling, burning vortex casts ethereal light over the faces of the horrified, yet transfixed populace, who now huddle with their ears covered as you sing your song. Horses and other animals scream in terror, but still you sing, eyes locked with the stoic looking Franz, his jaw clenched as he takes in the full force of your aetheric might.
As your lungs begin to give out, you slowly stop your song and, with a wave, cut off the magic. The electricity winks out, and the ice begins to melt as the fire consumes the shit. It falls down into the dung pile, and small bits off flaming stool create the foulest stench in the world.
Normies, er, normal citizens flee from the flames, but at least the blaze is vaguely contained, the fires dying down to a dull roar. Panting, you hold up your arms towards Franz Jakovitch and puff out, “H..how’s that?”
Franz stands stock still as the two women around him crouch down, protecting their ears and chittering unintelligibly to each other. Slowly, and with mildly shakes hands, he replaces his shaded spectacles before taking a deep breath and saying, “T..that.” He coughed, “That was aight, aight. You got some talent, but yo fireball there? That was bitch ass weak.”
You stare at him, still panting and wild-eyed, [Magic Sight] still burning. Franz Jakovitch raises a hand up and you could see one of the stones in his pocket grow dimmer as fire blossoms from his palm. It’s much stronger and more complex than your own [Fireball] and he waves it around his body, doing some fairly bullshit martial arts things with it.
On a cursory glance, you see that it’s constructed of light weaves of fire over a dense core of the same stuff. It seemed almost as if it was designed to plume outward, and you watch in fascination as the sorcerer spins it about before tossing it to the dung heap, and about five seconds later, you hear a large “Whoompf!” And the whole damn pile is set ablaze.
Panicked stable hands run about throwing water on the inferno, but they merely got it wet, the blaze laughing at them. Franz folds his arms and leans back a little, one eye peeking over his spectacles. You cock your head and look at the inferno, then back to Franz, an idea popping in your head. “Impressive… But what of the ice magic?”
Franz hesitates for a moment before answering. “What about it?”
“Well, how would you improve it?
Franz hesitates again before answering “Bitch, I am generous enough to even show you a fraction of my power, so you best be thankful.”
You narrow your eyes. “You can only do fire magic, can’t you?”
Franz scoffs and turns a circle before swatting at one if the dazed girls. “Bitch, you hear what the Muthafucka is sayin?”
She looked around, confused, “Ye…yes Mr Jakovitch”
He shakes her as he says, more forcefully, “BITCH, I say, you hear what this MUTHAFUCKA is sayin?”
She cringes back, “Yes Mr. Jakovitch!”
He scoffs and looks back to you. “You little bitch ass mutha fucka gettin all up in my face, sayin this shit to me while you slinging that all around, fuck you, fuck yo momma, and fuck. Yo. Magic.”
You stand there in silence while Franz Jakovitch huffs and puffs. Then you slowly raise your hand and form a ball of fire, intricately weaving it into the same form Franz Jakovitch had.
>You learn [Fire Bomb]
>Charge it and throw! It will detonate after a pre-set amount of time.
Franz Jakovitch’s eyes go wide at the sight and he takes a step back.”Aww heeeeel no, you can’t do that so fast, it took me fucking three years to..”
He looks around at the women near him and mutters a curse before looking back at you, “I’m gunna let you off easy this time, but mark my words, you ain’t seen the last of Franz Jakovitch!” He snaps his fingers and turns to leave, shouting, “Bitches! Follow!” And they do.
You watch him walk away while the stable hands still freak out trying to save the shit pile, and you wave a hand absently, causing block of ice to form, which instantly melts, squelching the flames. What a cunt. Geez, are all sorcerers such dicks? You shake your head over the yelling and confusion, and walk out to the town proper, palming the gold coin in your hand.
You walk down the cobbled streets with your hands in your pockets, looking about for anything of value. You’ve thought about your situation, and currently you need some new clothes. With some deeper thought, you believe that you really should look into something a little more disease proof, since you are actually dealing with literal shit now.
As you ponder this, you come by a little, one-story shop crammed in between two larger buildings. A sign out front has a picture of a pointed hat and reads, “Hat Tricks Sorcery Emporium.” You wrinkle your nose at the sign and then sigh. Fucking sorcerers man, can’t find a Gods damned Wizardry shop anywhere outside the communion matrix. Of course, that’s probably because no Wizard would actually go outside to visit one of these stores.
You approach the door and open it slowly, to which the shopkeeper pipes up, “Welcomey-doo, how may I help you?” You twitch at the sing-song voice and spy a smiling little round man with a bad toupee and a massive mustache behind a counter. You nod at him and start looking around the shop.
It’s surprisingly well stocked in all sorts of implements, from mana stones to arcane tomes. There were sticks and stones, and runic bones, robes and glass and plenty, plenty of brass. You are honestly quite surprised at the selection, and pursue the stocks. Nothing overly important jumps out at you at first, except that they were out of stock of [Bags of Holding], but you keep looking about. As you browse, you notice a presence behind you, and you whirl, straining for your magic.
But nothing happens.
You panic a little as you now notice the shopkeeper behind you, coughing into his hand as he points at a massive rune in the corner of the shop, pulsing with faint energy. It’s obviously a warding rune and you feel stupid for not noticing it. You blush and nod your head, mumbling an apology. The man shrugs, “Oh it happens all the time, it’s mostly there to stop the crime.”
Gods dammit, what is with people and rhyming? “Is there any help you need? Just but ask and stock I’ll feed.”
That didn’t make any God damned sense. You’re fairly certain this fucker just likes to sound pretentious, which is really weird because he probably… Is? “Ah, yes well, you see, I could use ahh..” You gesture towards your robes.
The man bobs his head up and down. “Of course of course, right this way, I think i have something to make your day!” You follow him over to a rack of robes in various shapes and sizes. He looks over a few and then picks one out, putting it up to you. “A fit? A match? Oh see how it glitters? I’m sure it makes your heart a twitters!”
The robe he holds a fancy silken number, dyed a rich midnight blue and fitted with multiple moons and stars. It’s disgusting and something only a Gods damned scrub mage would wear. You casually bat it aside and the man seems to blanch before putting it back up, asking, “It seems you have a discerning taste, perhaps I chose wrong in my haste?”
You look at the choices for a moment and then sigh. “Do…do you have anything useful for dirty magic?”
The man sort of…. Stares at you stupidly and you hastily reply, “Ah, ah, no, I meant ah, like shit. Feces, erm. You know, Copromancy.”
The shopkeeper furrows his brow and takes a step back from you before slowly drawing a robe from the rack.
It’s a long, black affair, made of thick material lined with leather. A simple cloak hangs from behind it, nothing too showy, but certainly nice looking. There are plenty of pouches and pockets, some designed specifically for vials and flasks it seems! It looks very durable and easy to clean to boot. You look it over, and for some reason, it feels RIGHT.
You pick it up and nod to the man who grins with avarice, “Oh ho ho, I see I see, your choice in clothing is fine as can be. For such a robe, I think the price of 15 silvers is much quite nice.”
You internally grunt. 15 silvers?! 25 coppers to a silver, 20 silvers to a gold. That almost ate your entire little fortune!
But it was a nice robe…..maybe you can haggle it down? Might be easier if you get other items as well. “What about any traps. For erm…” You think of how to word this. “Pests. Very, large, very intelligent pests.”
He taps his chin and thinks for a moment before walking to another rack and looking at some options. He pulls out some folding stakes, six of them to be precise. Hexagrammic wards? Sure, they took time to set up, but the net they cast was top notch, so you’ve heard.
You cock your head and shrug, trying to see how strong these wards were with your [Magic Sight], but you really couldn’t get a good feel. “Perhaps. But it would need to be able to ah..” Fuck it, might as well say it. “to trap a Monster.”
The shopkeeper stiffens and looks around nervously before scuttling to you and whispering, “Watch your tongue and what you say, lest you wish to survive the day.”
He then straightens his spine and resumes his jovial little dance before slowing pushing the wards into your hands and grinning widely, “Traps for pests, better than the rests!”
Huh, maybe the rhyming thing wasn’t an act. Maybe he’s just neurotic. Well, these should be useful. But hmm, what else could you use? “I…see. Very well then, do you happen to have any items for Wizards perchance?”
He whips about and studies you with intense concern as beads of sweat appear in his forehead. He whispers, “Thou art a Wizard?!”
You start at his sudden change of speech and nod your head slowly. The shopkeeper stands stock still before walking around the counter and pulling out a box, blowing dust off the lid. He stares into your eyes as he says, “Long hath I held upon this arcane item, and long hath it slumbered under my roof, but now, a Wizard! A Wizard may come to truly purchase it at last!”
Sounds like the idiot bought it years ago, not knowing that Wizards don’t go to these places. Well. Most Wizards. He shoves it at you and you slowly open the lid, finding another box inside. You hold your breath as you open the final part, anticipating the majesty of what awaits you. And it’s a… Barber set? You see some scissors, a comb, some random gel…. It’s all really well made, but… Come on.
You pick up the scissors absently and your eyes widen in shock. You see in your mind’s eye the swirling eddies of the void, pulsing though your very pores. You understand, no, KNOW that your beard has potential, and with proper care, it could be the greatest beard known to Wizardkind. It’s…beautiful.
And then it was over. With shaking hands, you replace the scissors into the box and breath slowly.”I’ll take it.”
The man leans close, licking his lips, “Take what sir?”
“All of it, I’ll take it.”
He beams, rubbing his hands together. “Certainly! That will be one gold and 17 silvers.”
You slam down the gold coin and stare the man in the eyes. You both share the gaze of each other’s presence. He flinches first and titters before staring at the box and then you.
“I….well I couldn’t let it go for more than 1 gold and 10 silvers, you see.”
You continue to stare, unabated and he gulps. “1 gold and 3 silvers?”
The man pales slightly, and wipes sweat from is pate. “Sir, I can’t just give you something like that for…”
Your stare is creating a thermonuclear reaction in the room and the man pulls at his collar to release hot hair. He gulps and snatches the coin. “One gold it is!”
You slowly gather your new gear and walk out of the store, backwards, staring at the man the whole way. You aren’t even sure why, you just feel that it’s the correct thing to do. And then you’re outside again. You look around in a daze before quickly changing into your new digs, placing the hexagrammic wards in one of the large pockets and attaching your other items to other pockets/ holsters.
You take in a deep whiff of fresh leather and new cloth before taking a step into the rapidly approaching night. You feel like a million gold in your new digs and you stare into the street, feeling like 1 million coins.
>You gain [Robes of Protection]
>These robes are made with padded leather and look fantastic. They’re also waterproof!
>You gain 5x [Hexagrammic Wards]
>These wards, when set up in a hexagram, will project a magical field between them, trapping things in and out.
>You gain [The Essential Wizard’s Beard Care Kit]
>A few of these kits were made years ago by an enterprising sorcerer to corner the wizard market. They failed to sell and the poor sorcerer become destitute. Otherwise, it’s a really nice beard kit.
>You lose your [Gold Coin]
Shit, even that Franz Jakobitch ain’t got nothing on your current level of swag. As you walk down the road, you feel the eyes of everyone on you. They aren’t always friendly eyes, and a few are still lustful, (but hey, weren’t Monsters ALWAYS horny?) but you just brush it off. They just want what they can’t have. And what they want is swag.
Anyway, night has fallen by the time you start out of the sorcery store and you take in the night life of this little city. Certainly, people aren’t as abundant in the main steets as they were during the day, but there is a healthy amount walking down the streets and paths, and you have the option to move or be moved around multiple times. You always move, of course, but you look damn good doing so! Still, lights from candles inside houses play with the rustling wind, and the sound of fiddle music is heard drifting in from a tavern, which is bustling with people and Monsters drinking and chatting it up.
You don’t want any of that, but you suppose it might be time to go see Blake again. He’s probably cooled off. Probably. Puffing out your chest, you begin to make your way back to the riverside area, where your inn resides. As you get about three blocks from the docks, you seem to notice a pair of men acutely interested in your presence.
Haters gunna hate? You just keep walking, but they are obviously following you. Can’t have that can we? You casually take a turn in the right direction, and notice four more men, lounging at an intersection, tracking your movements and tensing up.
Oh neat, you have human stalkers now. Just what you needed. Gritting your teeth, you turn past them, away from your destination, and they join the other men following you. You make a few turns here and there, as best to keep them out of sight, but it quickly becomes obvious when you reach a dead ended alleyway that they managed to lead you here.
Sneaky little bastards. At this point there are eight of them, and they spread out to cover the entrance of the alley, pulling out knives, chains, and even some strange and foreign weapon you heard described before as “nun-chucks”
You smirk and prepare to cast [Lighting Bolt]. Surely no one will care about a few unconscious thugs right? You’ll just give them a little zap and nighty night. But hey, let’s gloat a little first. “Halt! Take one step closer and I shall be forced to unleash my full magical might upon thee!
They just fucking begin to chuckle. The lead man gives you a grin, granted it’s missing a few teeth, but that’s beside the point. He says, “Oh aye?” We think we’ll take our chances.”
You narrow your eyes and raise your hand, channeling your power. “Take one more step, I dare you.”
“Oh? What happens then? You gunna cry?”
“It would be very painful.”
“You’re a big sorcerer.”
Your rage blazes in your heart as you say, “For you!” You fire the zappity zoop zap at them. Aaaand it bounces harmlessly off them, seemingly drawn to one man in the middle of the pack who you now realize is holding some kind of rune inscribed stone, the object now glowing faintly.
The lead man barks out a laugh. “Franz Jakovitch said you were some kind of fool, and I guess he was right!” He shakes his head. “Oh well, nothing personal Mr. Sorcerer.”
You back up furiously as they press inward, and you look for a way out. Which of course, leads to nothing because it’s a dead end, you idiot. That is, until your foot scrapes over something metal and you look down hurriedly.
There’s a large, metallic disk set into the ground, covering some kind of hole. With a start, your mind races furiously, and you jam your staff into the hole, popping it open. A wave of foulness assaults your nose, and you blanch before staring down into the dark pit and then back to the men advancing.
Who…were not advancing anymore. They look at the hole with wide eyes and then back to you. They aren’t leaving, but they sure as hell aren’t getting closer. Which left you with one option…
Ooookay. Right. Okay. Let’s have a good exit then. You rack your brain as you try to think of a good ending line. You hear a murmur from one of the stunned men.
“He’s not… Not seriously going down there is?…”
You blink at them and with a shrug, casually say, “Of course!” Before jumping down the hole. You land in a slosh of filth and barely manage to keep from slipping as you regain your balance. You look up again to hear muffled sounds, which get closer and more distinct,
“…zy fucker actually went down there. We were just gunna rough him up, but fuck me, that bastard has a death wish. Let’s just close this thing up and get back to Franz Jakovitch. Tell him the job is done.” And then, the cover is drawn over the hole, with a resounding “slam” and you’re cast into darkness.
You will the runes on your staff to light up and a cramped space appears before you, cast in dull red light. You see stone walls lining a maze-like series of corridors on both sides of a wide canal in which dark water flows downwards. Yep these are the sewers alright. Gods damn, and you thought you had gotten used to the smell of shit by now, but this was a new reek. It was like moldy bananas mixed with used socks, rolled Into vomit and smeared with cream cheese. Or, something like that.
Regardless, you stare at the water and watch as it flows. That’s probably your ticket out of here, and although don’t know much about this town or sewers, you figure that it must run down to the river to be disposed of. Which actually was pretty disgusting now that you think of it, but it’s a big river. Conveniently, that’s where your inn is! Welp, might as well keep traveling down here to avoid those jerks and their asshole of a boss.
Fucking Franz Jakovitch.
And so, you start out towards the river, keeping a good pace despite the slick surface and the awful smell. You’re not certain what got those men so worked up before, but you keep your eyes peeled all the same. All you could hear was the flow of sludge, the dripping of water off damp stones, and the scurrying of tiny claws on stone.
Actually there was a fair amount of scurrying to be heard and you start to feel a little nervous, like something is watching you. You pick up your pace and grip your staff as you walk, thinking about what might be out there. Just rats, right? Little, tiny, sewer rats. You know what? The sounds are actually really creepy now. You’re fairly certain they’re getting closer by the sound of the echoes, and now you’re not exactly certain what it is. Probably just rats, but to make certain… You close your eyes, concentrate, and open them again, in order to SEE.
Nothing. No strands of magic, no enchantments, no nothing. Well, that’s a relief, you guess, however, that does raise a problem. You’re not certain how far away you are from the river and an access point, but you’re fairly certain whatever is down here you might run into before then.
With some deliberation, you decide to use one of your new wards. You only have five, but you can spare one for this, and you might as well test them out also. You find a good spot and put one down, connecting each of the six focal points with a thread of your will, and priming them. Then you place it on the floor and cover them with some refuse. The whole affair takes maybe 3 minutes, but it’s time enough for the sounds to come closer.
You swear and turn off your light before ducking into a side tunnel that smells like dead dogs. Which actually is what the smell comes from, as you bump into one. You peer down and see that it has massive chunks bitten out of it, as if by some massive predator. You gulp and listen as the sounds approach. For some reason it seems as if there’s only one set of nails on the stone now, but it’s close. Really, really close. A moment later, you feel a tingling the vibration of the wards coming to life and snapping shut, a magical barrier erected around whatever sprung them.
You hear a high pitched squealing noise and desperate struggling coming from the trap, so you turn the corner, activate your staff, and what it was you caught. In the trap however, is not quite what you were expecting. A short, maybe five-feet tall, feminine creature trashes wildly in the trap, bashing against the walls in panic.
She’s a slim, beautiful creature, possessed of a lithe, human-looking frame and ample breasts for her size, giving her a very appealing appearance. Her hair is short and a stringy grey color, the same color as the fur growing on her legs, arms, and in between her naked breasts. Her fingers end in long nails that scrabble and click against the trap, and upon her head sits two pink and round ears, which twitch violently in her desperation. To finish the ensemble, a long, worm-like pink tail protrudes from her rear, trashing about violently as she seeks escape from your clever ruse.
When you turn the corner, she pulls back and hisses a squeak, her dark brown eyes examining you while her enlarged incisors gleam in the aetheric light. Ah. Your little pest trap seems to have caught a Ratgirl. You take a slow step around the ward, watching her carefully, and she does the same, spinning about as you walk by. Something feels off about this though, and you clear your throat before asking, “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
She stares at you, licking her lips carefully before speaking. “Yes, yes, man thing wishes me speak speak? Will man thing release from cage, yes release? Yes yes, if release will please man thing, with sex sex!” She presses her body sensually against the invisible barrier, bearing herself in full sensuality as she says this.
Why do they keep doing this? You groan in disgust and shake your head at the way she talks. Perhaps they just didn’t see enough people to speak normally, but hey, that moth was rhyming, so this is sort of a set up. “I don’t think so… I’m just going to walk away now. I hate to leave that ward, but I’m not going to take my chances.”
You turn to go when the Ratgirl squeaks again with an incredibly loud voice, the sound echoing off the walls. “Sisters! Man thing in home! Rape rape man thing!”
You whirl around as she says this, her body still pressed against the barrier, and listen carefully. Nothing happens for a moment, but slowly, you begin to hear the sounds of clicking from a distance, getting rapidly closer. You can’t be certain, but you feel in your stomach that there are multiple Rat Girls coming your way. And they want to rape you senseless.
Rats. Why did it have to be rats? Not that you particularly care about rats in general, in fact you found them fairly adorable! At least, when they aren’t five feet tall and scurrying to rape you.
You take a step back from the now undulating Rat girl in your cage, her excitement at her sister’s impending descent obvious. Her eyes are as wide as dinner plates and she lets out loud, wistful moans as she continues to press herself against your barrier. Yeah. Rats. Why did it have to be rats?
You turn about, and make to flee. There’s reason at all to release this sex crazed maniac, and you’re reasonably confident that the wards would fail in about a day. You think, it’s not like they came with a manual or anything. The skittering of scraping nails echoes ever closer while the Ratgirl in your trap screams at you in a mix of lust and anger. You straight up book it down shit creek instead of dealing with this.
Your footfalls slam across the slimey stone, the sounds echoing through the tunnels, and you are acutely thankful for being fit. Who knew it would mean more than just being able to utterly ravage the rectums of faggots on the communion matrix? Which was great! Except the sounds are getting closer. And closer. Aaaaand closer. Simply put, you needed to go faster.
Then it hit you, shit creek is literally a creek of shit. You keep running, but as you do, you point your staff ahead and channel your will through it, freezing a section of the soupy mess. Then, with deliberate care, you jump onto the slippery board. It’s a miracle you don’t fall and break your neck, although Gods be damned if you didn’t try. With another wave of power, you freeze your feet to the board and then summon your will and propel the stew forwards.
While disgusting, it’s pretty damn exhilarating as you zip down the sewer canal. Horrid stenches whip past you in a turbulent wind as foul liquid sloshes everywhere, but dammit, you’re making great headway. Hell, even the sounds of the damn Rat Girls have stopped, surely you must have outpaced them?
Haha, isn’t that cute.
But it’s wrong.
You have maybe a second of warning before a brown blur flies from a side tunnel and you feel a pair of squishy globes and strong, slim arms on your back. You almost topple from your board, but thankfully you had iced your feet in place, and you barely manage to keep your balance, despite the thrashings of the Monster girl on your back.
You desperately try to tear her from your back as she attempts to push you over into the soup, and in your panic, you don’t notice the sharp turn in the canal. Your board slams into side of the canal and shatters, throwing both you and the Rat Girl crashing into the wall. The pain is excruciating, especially in your legs, which were ripped off the ice board, but you think you’re okay.
And then the wave of sewer water hits you. Gods above its foul as all get out, and you gag as it gets all over your new robes, into your mouth, and even your hair and beard. You vomit a little as you get shakily back to your feet and scan drunkenly for the Rat Girl.
She lays a foot away, crumpled in a heap, head lolling at an unnatural angle, her breathing sharp and ragged. Her neck is obviously snapped from the collision, and soon death would be visited upon her. Your heart twinges as you watch her die, but you don’t have time to feel sorrow, because the skittering of other Ratgirls comes from all around, forcing you to bound to your feet and take off again.
You don’t risk the ice board again. Despite its usefulness, it’s also a great way to get dead. You grimace as you remember the dying Rat Girl and wish you had ended her life humanely, but doing so may have cost you your own life. You just have to keep going, the river has to be close by this point, right? That thought spurs your legs forward and you dash off, haunted by the echoes of more rat girls.
It’s only when you turn another corner that finally you realize how severe a disadvantage you are at. Maybe seven of the Monsters stand before you, blocking the path, and you slow your steps, panting furiously. They squeak and chatter amongst themselves about who would rape-rape you first, but the worst part is when you hear more skittering behind you, trapping you in.
You whirl and look behind to see maybe four more rat girls, each more ravenous for your cock (or flesh, or perhaps even cockflesh?) than the last. What’s even funnier is that crowding around their feet are normal rats, obviously used to this behavior and ready for the feast to come.
You lick your lips and step back, pressing your back to a wall as they close in, their squeaks and moans almost deafening. You have no choice for it then, you have to fight. Summoning your will, you let loose with a barrage of fire, torching maybe three of the rat girls before they know what hit them, quickly changing up to throw a bolt of lightning and zap another two in an arc.
Despite the sudden losses, the other rat girls merely become more frenzied, and they rush towards you in an uncoordinated mass. You spit out some lingering sewer water and smile ruefully. Well, it was a short time as a Wizard, but it was pretty cool. Ah… But who would finish your stories on the Communion matrix when you were gone? Damn…
No. NO! It will not end here, not in some Gods forsaken sewer! You are too powerful for that! You are a Gods damned WIZARD. Your eyes blaze with fury and you take a deep breath, then raise your staff in two hands and PUSH.
The ground rumbles around you and the Rat girls stop their charge, steadying their feet as they look around in frenzied panic. One turns around in time to utter a terrified scream before a fist of pure waste sweeps her from the floor and throws her into another Rat Girl, before slamming into the ground and sweeping away four more. The remaining Monster girls break in panic and scatter like… well, rats, leaving you alone and panting for breath. You release the fist and it splashes into the murk, throwing up a spray of sludge that coated the unconscious forms of the Monster girls present.
>You learn [Water]
>Though your manipulation was mostly with copromancy, you have gained a feeling for creating small amounts of water in the air, as well as moving water with your will.
And then it was quiet. The rushing water still flows and dripping sounds mingle with your ragged breath, but fuck all, you were alive. Still, you know they’ll be back, and in greater numbers, so you press forward, your hand on the wall to keep you steady as you slunk by.
It isn’t long thankfully before you find another manhole, and climb up a crude ladder of metal rungs and breach the surface, a wave of warm night air caressing your face. Gods if the fresh air isn’t heaven to you. You take in a deep breath before slumping on the ground, dripping in waste and sweat, though you’re so relieved to be out of there, you can’t smell it. As soon as you have your breath back, you take a look around.
Well, it’s not the docks, but it’s by the river anyway. You see that you’re slightly on the edge of town, in a more upscale residential district, and you notice something rather curious about a large building near you. It has a large wrought iron gate in front of it, which was painted in an eccentric red, and a plaque sits upon it, in which the name “Franz Jakovitch, ” is inscribed.
You stare dumbly at the sign for a moment before an indescribable rage fills you. Oh that mother fucker tried to have you beaten and perhaps KILLED for showing him up. Well then, two could play at that game. It takes you a few minutes to fully collect yourself, but when you do, you smile in pure, fanatic glee and raise your arm, pulsing it slightly, and pressing.
A similar rumble from before comes from underground and a spewing column of sewer water flies from the open manhole. With a flick of your wrist, the soupy water crashes through the gate to Franz Jakovitch’s abode, and through a window. The results are immediate, as screaming and furious swearing fills the house, followed by a bright light, more swearing, and a “Whoompf” of air. And now the house is on fire.
Your eyes grow wide and you take a step back. The fucking spazz dropped a fire bomb in his own house, holy shit! You uh. You should, uh, you should go. As you fumble backwards on your way to go, you hear a furious squeak and see a sludge covered rat underneath you. The poor thing must have gotten caught up in your revenge and your heart goes out to it. A brief image of the dying rat girl flares into your mind, and you set your jaw, picking the rat up and running as fast as your legs can take you, back into the night.
Once you find a fairly safe spot, you clean the slime off your new coat and find that it really is water proof. Like, shit, this thing was worth waaaay more than you paid for it, you kind of feel bad for the guy in the magic shop now. Of course, then you remember his rhyming and you suddenly feel justified in your decisions. You clean up the little rat also and look it over. It squeals and twists in your hands, but it seems okay to you, and judging by the large testicles hanging behind it, you’re pretty certain he’s a guy. Gently you put the creature down and coax him to go, but he just comes back to you.
As you’ve noted, you think rats are fairly adorable. So with a shrug, you take it the rat and place it on your shoulder, to which he seems to be rather comfortable. What a cutie.
Well, now that your little sewer adventure is over, it’s time to head to back to the inn. Thankfully your trip ix uneventful this time around, and when you open the door, you’re greeted by a bored looking Misha. She wrinkles her nose at you, but doesn’t say anything as she watches the rat on your shoulder with keen interest. You shrug and look for Blake, finding him in the same spot, surrounded by like, ten mugs of beer, staring at the table with a blank expression. Well then.
“Are you going to eat that?” You blink and turn in surprise at the question, finding the source to be Misha, who is staring quite aptly at you.
You fumble with your words and blurt out a mildly alarmed, “I whoa a, huh? What?”
Misha blinks for a moment, as if coming out of a trance and then shakes her head before shrugging. “Hmm? Oh, nothing, nothing at all handsome.”
You narrow your eyes and turn away from Misha before looking back at Blake. You watch as he slams back another beer before throwing it down at the table and grumbling under his breath.
“Poor Blakey. Always so emotional, but he’s never been like this. Maybe I should cut him off before he breaks something, or himself.” Misha says, tapping her chin while pouting.
You look at the poor hero, who’s clothing covering is now tarnished with beer stains. His eyes are unfocused and he sways a little in his seat at the booth, yet he continues to pound the beer in his hands. “I uh. Erm. Maybe it’s best I uhm, you know, leave him alone.”
You feel a powerful arm on your shoulder and you turn slowly to see Misha’s smiling face. It also occurs to you that Bubs, the name you just gave your new rat friend, has hidden himself in one of your pockets at some point. “Oh now we can’t just have that, you see, if you’re sharing a room with the lout, you have to get him upstairs without breaking anything.”
You shudder as her cool breath passes over your ear, a totally different feeling than from the Monster in the woods last night. She taps your chest and says,”Before he breaks any of my furniture, got it sugar?”
You gulp and slowly nod your head before walking slowly to Blake and sitting down at the table. He doesn’t even take notice of you, and you squirm uncomfortably in the awkward situation. “I uh, hehe, uhm. You look like you went through the shitter, I know I’ve have”
Silence. Interminable silence is all that greets you. You fidget and then look back to Misha who has a shit eating grin in her face as she waves a hand at you from behind her counter. Insufferable woman.
When you turn back around, Blake is staring into one of his mostly empty mugs and mutters, “Ish always FUCKIN jokesh with you WHIZZ ARD. Shlingin you shit errewhere, gettin into troublesh.” He looks you dead in the eye (if your eyes were four inches to the left of your head anyway) and says, “You know whatsh? Fuck you whishard. Fuuuck you. I jush had to find a whishard and bring him backsh to the Order, Thash it! Thash all they asked!”
He hiccups and then wobbles,before staring intently at the glass, the draining it last of it. “Tooksh me sheven weeks to find you, dish you know that? Sheven whoooole fuckin weeks.” He leans over the table and grits his teeth. “I thinksh I was never shupposet to find a whishard. I thinks I was goosed! Flamboozled!”
He throw back his head and laughs a mad, cackling affair before throwing himself back forward, slamming in the table and making you jump. “And nowsh I gets it. You whishards don’t wantsh to be found.” He leans back and sighs, or slumps. Or possibly both at the same time.
“Maybe ish better that way. All thash power, and you’re like thish. Some shellfish little VIRGIN who only wants some wurflesh glash so he can shtay inside all day. What a dishappintment.” He then shakes his head and passes out, falling out of his seat and onto the floor.
No one else pays him much mind, but you merely stare at him, gritting your teeth. So that’s what he really thought of you huh? Some worthless little virgin, which you took as a compliment, who he was sent to find and bring back to his superiors? Superiors it seemed, who didn’t even want him around. You feel your knuckles pop and you go to rise, but come face to face with Misha, who has her arms crossed under her breasts, shaking her head.
“Oh Blake… Poor poor Blake. I told you not to get mixed up with the Order, but you just didn’t listen.”
You aren’t really shocked by her presence in front of you so much as the fact that she doesn’t have any legs. You never noticed it because she was behind that counter all the time, but where legs should have been, her pelvis fuses into red, lustrous scales that converge into a snake’s tail, which wiggles freely across the ground, the end of which never quite contacts anyone or anything.
Misha looked towards you and cocks her head at your shocked expression, before giving you a wicked smile. “Oh dear, did you think I was a human? Oh you’re just so adorable, aren’t you.”
As if that fucking explained everything. She shrugs and looks back to Blake before casually picking him up with one arm and settling him over her shoulder. “I’ll take him upstairs I suppose. You should go take a bath, you smell like a sewer.” She sniffs again and licks her lips.
“And some delicious little rodent. Please, the tubs are to the left of the kitchen, head on over before I decide to just lick the stench right off off.”
You dash off as quickly as you possibly can, the mild, sensual laughter of Misha echoing in your ears as you leave the room. You find a water basin and set it up, deciding not to bother with grabbing buckets, and instead concentrating on the little well near you, trying to turn your experience tonight into something useful…
And useful it is! Slowly, water fills the basin from the well as you manipulate it forth using [Water] and you ignite a little pile of would with a [Fireball] before soaking in the pleasantly hot water. You don’ forget about Bubs, and place him in the basin as well, the little rat paddling about like a dog. You smile and then lean your head back, the fatigue of the day slowly sinking out of your bones and into the water.
You lay back in the tub, staring at the ceiling while your thoughts jumble back and forth. It’s been a long day and you can’t help but think of what transpired. For some reason, the death of that rat girl really bugs you and you look down at Bubs who is paddling about without a care. You tentatively pat his head and he squeaks before turning over in the water once and then scrabbling onto your knee, standing on his hind legs, shivering off water, and sniffing the air.
You smile at the little guy. Goshes, who knew that filthy, disease-ridden, sewer-dwelling rats would be so accustomed to being with people. Maybe it had to do with living in proximity to the rat girls?
You ponder this a moment before shrugging and letting your mind wander elsewhere… to Blake. You feel anger rise in your chest, but it’s quickly drowned out by feelings of pity, or perhaps empathy. If it was true what he said, then the Order may have sent him on an impossible quest to keep him away for awhile. The only reason you could think of was because he was either incompetent, or he didn’t drink the chilled-juice substitute.
There was nothing for it. You’d have to confront him when he was sober and that was that. Whether it meant slapping him around or having a heart to heart (nrgh), it had to be done. With that thought squarely tucked away, it occurs to you that you it was night time. Which is a silly thought in and of itself, but what that meant was that your stalker might appear again. You nervously look around before shaking your head. Tsk, like she could just be here without you noticing.
Sh…she couldn’t, right? No. Of course not.
You even look with your [Magic Sight] and see nothing of value. No magic here! Unless it was very powerful magic. Then you guess maybe.. STOP. Just stop, you can’t be this paranoid all the time.
You groan and sink into the tub, burbling water. Which may not be the most sanitary thing to do, considering where you’ve been, but whatever. Soap cure all ailments. You really need to cool off some steam and fast. Which means masturbation! Huzzah!
A time honored Wizard tradition, it helps focus the mind and relieve stress and temptation that would otherwise lead to giving in and losing your Wizardhood. It’s totally safe and effective, as many hours on certain veins of the Communion matrix have taught you.
You prepare your thoughts and relax in the tub, preparing your rod for the ritual. As it’s finished, you firmly grasp with your hand and get started, when Bubs squeals and jumps out of the tub, hiding in a nearby pile of wood. You hear the door to the bath chamber slide open and a sweet voice sings,
“Oh valued cus-to-mer! Little Blakey is nice and asleep, but perhaps you could use a little…extra service?” Your eyes widen in horror as Misha slithers into sight, her ample breasts exposed. She takes in a deep, sultry breath before smiling wickedly and putting her hands on her bare hips. “And of course, it’s on the house.”
Oh right, Lamia, Monster, rape. You forgot to set anything up before getting into the bath. Well, what’s done is done, but now you have to suffer the consequences of your mistakes. You sputter and flail in the tub, managing not to really do much but get water everywhere as you try and cover yourself up.
You can feel your heart trying to escape from your chest while Misha glides forwards, giggling. “Oh dear, did I embarrass you? My my, I’m sorry, here let me make it up to you…”
Before you can say anything, she wraps her body around the tub, which isn’t overly hot anymore, and leans towards you, pressing her torso over the water and giving you a fantastic view of her breasts. Academically speaking, they were just magnificent. You briefly wondered if they felt as supple as they looked, and then mentally slap yourself.
NO! Bad Wizard! BAD!
You push yourself backwards as she presses herself upon you, her long, silky hair falling from her head to daintily touch the water, while her lips press together and her eyes sparkle the shade of a summer sky. You fumble for words while you splash water everywhere. “UH UHH UHHH NO THANK YOU PLEASE”
She stops her advance, blinking, and then breaks out into a full belly laugh, pulling backward from you to hold her sides. Misha laughs so hard that tears appear in her eyes and you probably would have left while she was distracted, had you not been mildly rooted in place in a mix of terror and morbid fascination. She laughs for maybe a full minute, and when she’s finished, she takes heaving breaths, which does wonders for her chest, and wipes at her eyes.
“Oh, oh haha, I don’t think I’ve ever, hahaha, a human refusing this? It’s been so long, since, hehehe oh my.” She takes a deep breath and then focuses back on you, her grin might as well have had poop stains on it for all the shit it was eating.
“You didn’t think it would be that easy did you?” And, quick as a lick, she coils her torso and part of her lower body around your chest, pulling your face into her breasts.
Yep. They were as you’d academically appreciated, and not to mention her skin as soft as silk, which is fascinating. You shudder at the sudden and paralyzing force she’s applied, and try to move away, but her grip is like iron. Or steel. Fuck, maybe even adamantium. You can feel one of her hands gliding down your chest and towards your still erect groin.
This prompts you to take deep, shuddering breaths, before you can get your mind working again. Okay, okay okay, this calls for Wizard time. But what Wizard time to Wizard time? You wrack your brains for the right spell as not to kill her, or you.
The soft pressure on your head tries to keep you from thinking properly, but it comes to you that her body isn’t as warm as it should be. Infact, you seem to recall some faggot on the communion matrix raving about how he killed fiddy snakes and what their blood was like. Which means…
Desperately, you reach within the frosty section of your mind and push outwards with it, subtly working your ice magic in the local area, spreading it throughout the air in a fine mist as you cast <Cold Blooded>. Your spell begins to take effect just as Misha’s delicate fingertips glide over the tip of your member, causing you to shudder, and not just from the cold.
Her hand stops and her eyes go wide. She pulls back from you, shivering from the cold. You notice the change in temperature as well, but in the tub,and with your heart pumping sweet, warm blood, it doesn’t hit you as bad. Misha shivers violently while she chatters her teeth, pulling farther and farther away from you as she tries to cover her naked body.
You readjust yourself and slowly climb out of the tub, wrapping your hips in a towel (which promptly tents over your cock) and stutter out. “Y…yeah f..for a second there I uh, yeah I kind of did.”
Misha’s face quirks into an odd smile before she grabs your clothes and utters a stuttering, “Fffffine, I… I’ll just w…wash these th…then.” With that, she hurriedly slithers out of the door..
You merely stand there, cold and partially naked, watching her as she leaves. That’s a nice coat! You really hope she brings it back. Sighing, you notice that she left your [Pocket Dimension] at least, and you take out a heated bread pouch, feeding part to Bubs, who has come out of hiding, before finishing the rest for yourself.
You look back at the tub and grimace before finding another towel and wrapping it more or less like a makeshift toga and heading upstairs. After your boner was quickly, and manually eased, of course. It’s a time honored tradition after all.
Thankfully the inn is vacated, except for a few blushing waitresses who gave you confused and aroused looks. Fuck em. Not literally, of course, but you know, just… Aww whatever. You quickly make it to your room and slowly open the door. Blake is passed out on his side, and there’s a rather large bucket in front of him, which is only moderately full of vomit. You scrunch your nose and take the bucket, flinging the stuff out the window and cleaning the bucket with some [Water] to remove the stench. You were clean now dammit!
With a sigh you sit upon the one bed in the room, thank you very much Misha, and put your head in your hands while Bubs skitters around your feet. After a moment of self pity, you remove your towelga and put Bubs onto the bed before shuffling under the covers. A true bed is bliss to those who have been forced to use otherwise, and you sigh in relief, even with the big lug next to you. Briefly you remember your stalker, but you’re so tired and the bed is so comfortable, you just… drift off to sleep.
The next morning, you’re awakened by the rays of the sun coming through the window, and you grumble, turning about in the bed. It’s no use however, and you sigh, rubbing your eyes. With a bleary expression, you see that Blake has vomited again, but at least it made it to the bucket. Bubs on the other hand, is sleeping in a little ball next to your leg and you smile at the little guy. D’awwww, he’s just so cute.
Across the room, next to the door, you also spy a stack of something, and you groan. Fucking stalker thing, you swear to the Gods. Yet when you get out of bed to investigate, you find it’s just your clothes! And freshly washed too! Yay! It isn’t a severed head, so maybe your stalker has left you alone?
Hehe. You doubt this highly.
There’s a note on top, and you read the flowing, flowery script. “I think I got the hint sugar, but here’s your clothes, freshly washed. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”
You groan and notice a P.S. “Please take care of Blakey for me. He’s very important.”
Neat. You start to dress, and by the time you finish, you notice a stirring in the bed followed by Blake awakening, holding his head. “Ungh, my fucking head…”
You watch in mute amusement as Blake holds his head in his hands, shuddering. Buutttttttttttt, you kind of still feel bad for the guy, and you fill a glass in the room with some water, using [Water] to condense the water vapor in the air and then chilling it with <Cold blooded>. Gods being a Wizard is awesome.
You hand the glass to Blake, who looks up at you with bloodshot eyes, then takes the glass and drinks it heartily, shuddering at the coolness. You refill the glass again, and after he drains that, he leans forward and grumbles. “Thank you Wizard…”
You shrug, “Think nothing of it.”
He shakes his head and groans. “Ungh, what happened last night? I remember having a few beers and then.” He looks sick for a moment before shuddering, “Guess I imbibed a few too many, ouch.”
“Y…yeah, Misha uh, she brought you up here.”
He looks at you with bleary eyes. “She didn’t try to have sex with me, did she?”
He grunts. “Did she try you?”
He sighs and then winces. “I’m guessing you resisted else you wouldn’t be here… Gods my head.”
You sigh and push on the man’s shoulder, and he falls backward onto the bed without any issue. Okay so you need to have that heart to heart, but he’s not going anywhere or doing anything for awhile. Sooooo, you might as well head downstairs. As you start to leave, you realize something very important. Your beard care kit! And there was a mirror in the room!
You fill a basin with water and open the kit, staring at the instruments. It’s been so long since you’ve properly cared for your fledgling beard that you feel rather ashamed. It seems so ratty and unkempt, despite your washings. With trembling hands, you grab the scissors. Again, the song begins in your mind and you can see the skeins of fate that herald your beardly perfection. Your hand moves with the rhythm, and you’re barely conscious as the music flow through you.
You snap up the comb without thinking and rake it through your beard, straightening the hairs into a beautiful patterns. With a flourish, you slam both tools back in the kit and apply the soothing lotion in the kit, then wash it out. And then, it’s over, like it never happened. Except in the mirror now stands a wonderful, stupendous, triumphant beard. You almost shed a tear. It’s so… magnificent.
You close the case and store it gently before looking around for Bubs. You find him on too if Blake, sniffing him. You shake your head and pick him up, putting him in a pocket of your robes before walking downstairs. He scuttles around in there, then pops up, a scrap of paper in his teeth. You take it from him and stare at it. There’s a set of red lipstick, kissed upon the paper and signed with, “To sugar, From Misha” You hand the paper back to Bubs who tears at it voraciously.
There’s a few people, probably others staying the night, down in the common room eating some fantastic smelling food. Your stomach grumbles, but you remember that you spent all your money. Ah well, you still had heated bread pouches, so whatever.
As you look around you see Misha again, who waves a small hand towards you, and blows a kiss. You groan and walk over to her, keeping your guard up. “Oh my, someone’s looking rather lushious today, did you change your hair?”
Why yes, yes you did. “Uh..huh. Can uh, you know, Blake, he erm.”
She shrugs and titters, “Oh sugar, no need to be so nervous. You got my notes I trust? But yes, I’m guessing little Blakey’s head hurts something fierce hmm?” She sighs wistfully, slithering back on her tail. “I remember when he had his first beer. Oh how he hurt for days!”
She shakes her head. “I’ll get him a little something for his stomach and some food. Anything for you sugar?”
You shake your head, “Ah, uh, no, thank you. No money.”
She giggles, “Oh, it’s on the house dear, no charge, no tricks.” She shrugs, “Think of it as an apology for last night.”
You narrow your eyes, but accept the food anyway. Misha serves you the plate herself at one of the tables, and you dig into a healthy plate of eggs, bacon, ham, grits, and milk. By the Gods, this stuff is delicious!
As you eat, Misha taps her chin with her fist. “So, where are you and my Blakey headed off to?”
“Mmph, Order Headquarters, nom nurmph.”
Misha frowns on consternation, “So, he still thinks he can get in with them, huh? What’s your stake in all of this anyway? Not to insult, but you don’t seem very… Worldly.”
You grunt, and swallow your bite of eggs, “Blake broke my Communion glass, he owes me another one.”
She smiles and shakes her head, “He’s still getting in trouble, huh?”
You look up at her and spear a piece of ham before waving it up at her.
“You speak as if you know Blake when he was a child.”
“Well of course! Did he not tell you that he grew up in Feldergrod?”
He did not! You chew on the ham and she continues.
“Well, that little scamp did. He was always a very popular tyke, and he got along very well with all the ladies in town, and even many of the Monsters.” She sighs again, “This got him into trouble more than once, especially when he hit puberty and his parents had the accident. But of course, he had his Misha.” She smiles that shit eating grin, “I may have indulged once or twice, but I never let anyone harm him. Monsters can be so… Unruly at times.”
And don’t you fucking know it. You chew on more ham as she continues.
“It was still such a surprise when he left to join the Order of the Heroic Brotherhood. He never seemed to hate Monsters, but he must have felt that the Order represented something about standing against evil or whatever.”
She shrugs, “It’s been a few years since he left, but he seems… Changed in a way. Not just his speech, but he seems colder, more distant. I just hope that his little quest hasn’t made him lose sight of who he was.”
By this point, you’ve finished the meal and you take a long drink of the milk, which is amazing and cool, and wow. Good shit, geez. Misha looks over at your expression and smirks, “Liking your Holstaur milk, hmm?”
Your eyes widen and you cough up the milk, sputtering while you stare at the glass. Oh Gods. Oh, oh Gods. “Hehe, it’s alright, it’s alright. It’s just milk, even if it does come from those melon sized monstrosities.”
Y..yeah. Just milk. Just Breast milk. From a Monster girl. Even though it’s delicious you just can’t drink it anymore, and set it down on the table.
Misha shakes her head and collects the plate, “Well, I’ll see to Blakey. You two probably need to be going soon if you want to catch a boat to the capital, although it’s probably going to be awhile before you can get him moving.”
You tip your hat to her and stand up to go, wiping milk out of your beard as Misha slithers away. Before she gets out of sight, she leans back sinuously and waves, “See you soon sugar, and you too you little delicious morsel.”
“Y..yeah. Thanks.” Bubs shivered in your pocket, letting out a little squeak. “I feel the same way, little guy.”
Ah well, you have some time to kill before you go back to Blake. It’s a bright blue day outside, so might as well find something to do. You start down the road at a brisk pace, getting into the city proper as opposed to the docks, where a few people point and murmur as they see you. At this time of day it’s mostly dockhands and merchants, but you can feel the eyes of a few Monsters on your back as your feet guide you forward.
Alright, in these few hours you have, you promise yourself not to get into fights with petty sorcerers or almost die in the sewers, You’re reasonably confident that can’t happen twice in a row. Reasonably anyway. As you walk outside, taking in that sickly sweet smell of fresh air, you wonder if you should have asked Misha about your stalker. You barely considered it at the time, due to the other imminent raping, and the information to digest over breakfast. Maybe you’ll get the chance later when you return to get Blake.
For now though, the best course of action is probably to secure some more supplies, which means securing more money somehow.
“Isn’t that right little guy?” You ask, and Bubs sticks his head out of your pocket and squeaks. A few women gossiping in a corner raise eyebrows at you looking down and talking to yourself, but whatever, Women, eh?
You ponder what to do for money though. The stables are out of the question after almost burning them down, and you don’t really want to be recognized. You lean against a wall and think about it for a moment. You can’t help but overhear another gaggle of gossiping girls, this time two human women and a Minotaur girl chatting.
“So, I heard last night someone tried to burn down the Jakovitch manor.”
“Hush, you know that you have to say his full name.”
“Oh, sorry, sorry. Anyway, they say half the house burned before Franz Jakovitch put out the fire.”
“Aye, aye, someone says it was one of them sewer dwellers that eat people at night, wanting to send a message.”
“Tch, what a load of shit. There’s nothing down there but rats and sewage.”
“Oh yeah, then how do you explain the sewage found near the house, and an open sewer plate?”
“See, I hears it that this out of town sorcerer threw down the gauntlet yesterday and made a massive, burning tornado from horse shit.”
“Oh yes and he even…”
They continue yammering about nothing of value after this and you slowly walk away. Yeeeaaaah. Let’s just let the rumors get out of hand, that should help you hide if people make you out to be some tyrant or something, no one would suspect the reverse being true.
Anyway, back to the things at hand. So, money, how do. Your magic is pretty good many things, so maybe you could offer to work some of your will at a magical items store? You ponder, tapping your chin in deep thought before you hear a commotion ahead of you.
A strapping young man in rich clothing is fallen on his side in the middle of the rods, with an angry centaur girl raising her equine forelimbs into the air, neighing loudly from her human throat as a crowd of frightened people and excited Monsters look on. “You bastard! How dare you treat me like some common steed! I am the one who does the riding here!”
You can see her eyes, wild and wide, her nostrils flaring in her attractive face. She is fairly short for a Centaur, but she has well defined curves, with striking hips and breasts that are hugged tightly by her sweat lathered blouse. She rears up again, and her brown hair rushes in the wind, matching the color of her horse half’s hair. You notice absently that her tail is flaring up as well while she dances on her rear, ironshod hooves.
You can’t tell, but she’s either going to smash his head in or have furious sex with him. Monsters, eh? The man on the ground holds up and hand and cries in a pitiful voice, “H..help! Someone help save me from this crazed mare! I… I’ll do anything! Just save me!”
Looks like no one else was going to do anything about it. You really don’t want to get involved, but you also don’t relish seeing a man’s head get turned into paste. That was a double entendre for those curious.
You roll you shoulders and walk out of the crowd, raising your staff high in the air before slamming it down on the ground. A trail of ice lances from the staff’s butt where it hits the ground, and it jets forward between the maddened Centaur. With a burst of energy, the line becomes a spike that thrusts up between her and the man, sending her rearing up in panic, her frenzied eyes turned to you.
Uh oh. Everyone’s looking, okay okay, gotta say something awesome, uhm uhm. “A..alright, e..everyone chill!”
The crowds becomes deathly silent, and the only sound you can hear is that of the man, sobbing embarrassingly, and the Centaur girl’s flaring nostrils and hooves scraping on the ground. She breaks the silence first. “And who the fuck are you supposed to be?”
You ponder this for a second and say, trying to keep up the routine, “Th..the iceman cometh.”
“What in the name of Dollora is that supposed to mean?”
“It uh, it means that, well.” You search for words, “it means you should probably not uh, not stomp and or well, kill that man.”
The man seems like he’s about to cry as he tries to climb to his feet, “Oh, bless you dear mage, thank you for saving me from this rampaging ma…”
He stops abruptly when you swing your staff to point at him. “And you. I’m certain that she has a good reason to try and pulverize you.”
His face turns pale before quickly flushing in anger, “You impudent little!…”
“You’re damn right I have a…!”
Both fought over each other to speak, their voiced getting louder and more heated. You grin and slam your staff down again, this time coating the ground in ice. The man slips and falls to one knee, while the centaur dances uncertainly before getting her balance. She seems hesitant to move however.
“Now then, explain to me what happened.” You say, pointing your staff towards the man.
“Now see here, you can’t do this to me, do you know who I am?”
“I’m afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.”
The man pauses for a moment, then grumbles out. “I may have asked Lucretta if it could ride her back….” He coughs, blushing. That more double entendre.
Lucretta opens up, “You know damn well how we centaurs feel about being treated like common horses, Franklin! I thought you were a better man than that!”
“Oh, and so it was enough to try to kill me over?”
“You called me a fucking mare to my face! Of course I’d get a little angry!”
“Well, exccuuuuuuse me princess, but…”
You pinch the bridge of your nose. Oh for fucks sake they were a God damned couple. Even you could figure this one out, by the fucking Gods, you broke up a lover’s quarrel. Gods damnit. Not even looking up, you slam your staff down again, and a ring of ice appears around you. “By the Gods, don’t you see that he was fucking referring to riding you the other way?”
Lucretta looks at your incredulously. “Wh..what are you talking about, other way?”
You raise an eyebrow towards Franklin who blushes furiously. “W..well Lucretta, we’ve been together for awhile and I just thought maybe…. Well, we could change things up a little and…”
Lucretta turns to him, eyes wide, but in concern, not anger. “Oh Franklin, oh by Dollora, I didn’t! Oh no!”
He shakes his head, “No, no, it’s my fault, I didn’t think, I just… I’m sorry… Do you forgive me?”
She takes very careful steps on your field of ice, around the pillar between to the two and helps the man up before leaning down and giving him a very deep and passionate kiss, which he reciprocates.
Many people in the crowd, especially the Monsters began to cry, “Awwww” and “Woo woo, you go girl!” and the like. You just feel kind of numb. The man turns to you and walks out of the ice field, carefully leading the Centaur behind him to patches of safety.
“Thank you dear mage.”
“Right…. Wizard. I’m sorry for my outburst, my head certainly wasn’t in the right place.”
“Yes, well, perhaps there was something I could do as an apology for your intervention?”
Lucretta pipes up, “I as well!” She blushes, fidgetting, “We are in a… Special kind of relationship…”
“Everything freezes…” You mutter
“What?” She asks, confused.
“Nothing. Look, I’m just looking to make some money somewhere so I can purchase a few magical implements or times or so.”
Franklin’s eyes glitter. “Ah, say no more, say no more.” He digs out two gold coins from his pouch and presses them into your hand.
“I trust this will be sufficient?”
You think about asking for more, but uh, this was damn good. You nod your head in thanks and turn to go, when Lucretta pipes up, “You know, if you’re looking for magical items, there is a store on the Monster side of town that has some interesting things…”
Franklin turns to her and says, mouth agape, “Lucretta, that’s just asking for the poor man to be raped!”
She smiles and cuts off a tiny lock of her hair before wrapping it in a tie she had in a pouch. “Keep this so everyone can see it, and no should give you trouble in that area of town.”
You raise an eyebrow and she blushes, “Well, it only works here in Feldergrod, since everyone knows me, but trust me, you’ll be fine.”
>You gain [Centaur charm]
>Apparently it’s supposed to ward away evil. And by evil, you mean the sexual advances of Monsters.
She taps her chin, “Well, mostly fine, the store’s owner is…eccentric.” She shrugs and the smiles before telling you the directions. You nod your head and look towards the Monster Section that was pointed out as the couple leaves. Well… It did seem promising you suppose. And it is still pretty early…
You hear a voice behind you, “Ara ara, what a performances. Maybe you’d like to come with me and…”
You absently tap the ground with your staff and ice jets you behind you. You hear the sound of someone curse before slinking away, and you pay it no more mind. Anyway, Monster side of town? Or hunt for something to spend your coin on in the less Monster side? Or something else?
You decide to set out for the shop in the Monster side of town. Sure, it could be risky, but it was also broad daylight and you had this… Hair.
Should be safe, right?
It doesn’t really take you that long to get over there, and you barely seem to see any difference in the architecture at all. In fact, the only way you really know what you’re in the different part of town is the fact that humans aren’t as frequently seen, and if they are, they are generally males in the company of Monsters.
Now, to put it straight, it was still mostly just Minotaurs and Centaurs, but a few more exotic varieties, such as Catgirls and even a Lizardman are seen here and there. All the men with them seem incredibly happy, some of them even just trailing in their wake of the Monsters like dogs (except the one with the Lizardman, which was in reverse). You shudder to think how far they’ve fallen after they gave in to their lusts, the filthy animals.
You grip your staff tighter and look around for the landmarks Lucretta gave you. What’s really odd is that the Monsters never once try to molest you while you’re walking. Oh sure, you could see their glances, and even a random Centaur was licking her lips at you, but when they see the hair, they scowl in disgust and look away. You briefly wonder who Lucretta is to these Monsters, but then shut it out. Who really cares, right?
A few minutes later, you find yourself standing in front of a large complex, with what appears to be an apothecary shop at the bottom corner. You check your directions in your head and, yeah, this is the place. “Madam Apolline’s” that’s the name alright, but the place looks downright strange.
The storefront is made of wood, which was a sharp contrast to the rest of the town as it’s colored in rich, dark tones that make it seem perpetually shrouded in shadow. The windows that are tinted, and you can barely make out the flickers of candles inside. What’s really unsettling are the skulls. Lots and lots of skulls, sitting all over the place, stacked with care and precision to give off the perfect eerie vibe. And they aren’t just animal skulls, no no, Human and Monster skulls are there too.
You shudder and briefly consider turning away, but no. You came out here, you might as well go in. As you cross the threshold, you check your magical senses, and find, with surprise, that they are still there. No wards? Obviously the keeper is very powerful, or very stupid. You ponder upon this before looking about the store.
Of course, there are more skulls. Skulls piled on bookshelves alongside tomes with rich spines and potions of all varieties. Some of the goods look rather old and powerful to you, but it was hard to say due to the poor lighting, the condition only alleviated with a minor amount of light from candles melting on, you guessed it, skulls.
Seriously it’s like a graveyard here, even complete with what felt like hot, humid, and musty air. Blugh, you can feel yourself start to sweat. Hell, you would have walked right out, had you not been curious as to the books there. The potions are intriguing, but you kind of stop looking as soon as you see the entire shelf of “preserved human semen” next to the shelf of “fresh-squeezed semen.”
Great, this store is obviously for Monster witches. You briefly wonder if there are any traps laying about for unsuspecting Human practitioners… With that thought, you concentrate, and open up your eyes to SEE.
“Oh naw, I woulna be doin that there ifa I was you.”
You jump and turn around, your sight wavering for a moment, before coming into focus on someone behind the counter at the far side of the room. Your eyes start to ache as you see swirls of multiple enchantments around them, and it starts to burn into your mind. You quickly blink and rub your eyes. Oww oww oww oww. That’s a lot of magic power woven around there, and you don’t even think you saw the half of it. You probably shouldn’t think about it to be honest.
When you open your eyes again, the figure it still there, and you can pick out the shape of a gorgeous girl. Monster girl that is. It’s around that time you notice Bubs is shaking very, very hard in your pocket.
She’s about six feet tall, and has a lean, sinuous body, with dark skin. Her arms and legs are covered in white scales which terminate in stubby claws, and behind her sits a blunt and scaly tail that has parallel ridges running up it. Her face is smooth and beautiful, and her eyes twinkle a dark black in the candlelight. She’s smiling at you, and you could see her teeth are jagged and sharp, somehow fitting neatly into her smoothly proportioned jaw.
So, it was mentioned before that she was beautiful. Her garb however, is not. She wears what looks like ragged straps of cloth, which somehow manage to look unkempt while accentuating the curves of her body in a way that was surely magical, because physics shouldn’t work like that. She’s decked in jangling bracelets and charms, some made of bone, and others of woven cloth. Her long, black hair is matted and twisted with more charms and bone, and atop her head sits the skull of a crocodile, jutting over her head and casting a light shadow over her face.
She’s obviously a…uhh… Actually you have no idea what kind of Monster this is.
“You looka liken you little los missa man.”
You blink and shake your head. “Wh..what?”
“I say, you looka liken you little…”
“Yeah, yeah, I uh, I got that, but uhm.” You scratch your head. “What… Are you?”
She blinks at you and her tail drags back and forth as her smile widens. “Oh naw thassa rude thing ya gon dun a be sayin. But youa look in’ lika you gossa touch a de arcana, so I thinks it be aight to lessa know. You be in the presence of Madame Apolline, a Jaga-Jaga.”
You search through your thoughts of the communion matrix and it comes to you. A..Jaga-Jaga is… A form of Lizardman… Sort of. They live in swamps you think and are similar to crocodiles. You can’t remember any mention of them being Monster witches, but this one obviously was. Fuck, she might even be a priestess.
“Ah… Of course. Right, yes uhm.”
“You lookin at dem books like dey gunna vanish there missa man.”
She walks from the behind the counter, her hips swaying as she creates an unholy racket with the jingle of her charms and jewelry. She gets right up to you and picks up the charm on your robe, looking it over. You feel incredibly uncomfortable, but for some reason, you know that throwing magic around against her would be a very, very bad idea unless it was a last resort.
You gulp as she drops the charm. “Oh ho ho, so thassa how it is eh? You get da good side of da little princess an she tell you come here, ahahahaha.”
Her laugh grates at your spine, and you drop away from her, cringing slightly. She looks you up and down and licks her lips with a large, meaty tongue. “Oh naw, dun be afraid ofa little ol’ me. I sees you for what you is Wizard and I knowa yo kind. Issa be a pleasura to lay you down an a show you da pleasura of da flesh, but is fine.”
Her eyes glitter. “I wonna bite, nossa less you dun wan it eh? Now den, wassa you lookin for with a dem tomes there?”
Despite being incredibly terrified and confused, you can think clearly enough to tell her what you’d like to buy. You cough and pick up a nearby time, it’s cover proclaiming it as, “Seminal Secrets.” You put it back on the shelf.
“Right, uhm… Yeah as far as tomes I guess…” Think for a moment. “Actually, do you have any bags of, ah, holding?”
She blinks at you, confused and then asks, “Now whysa you gun ask for somethin you already gots child?”
Oh. Okay, so she seemed to know you were a Wizard and that you inconspicuous bag was enchanted. How neat.”Yes well, I’d need one for more ah., messy items.”
She narrows her eyes, looking you up and down before giving a snaggle-toothed grin.”Oh ho ho, so yous a da one who dun stirred up dem folk down in da unda city eh?”
You notice she is stroking a skull, one that was very much human, beyond a pair of rodent-like teeth. Oh, so she knew that too. You are getting really, really creeped out now.
“Ah… Anyway, do you have one?”
“Oh child, I do, I do, dona you worry bout’ that.” She goes a few rows down, clears away something, and pulls out what looks to you like a cured stomach. She looks it over a few times, and opens it up, huffing before dumping it out on the ground.
About 109 spiders fly out of the bag and scatter in every direction, though Apolline seems unfazed. You are kind of freaking out abit, and so was Bubs. Apolline however walks up and attaches the stomach bag thing to your belt and smiles appreciatively. “Oh now doesn tha maka good sigh mhm mhm.”
You smell like a rumen. In fact this may actually BE a rumen. Or maybe just an omasum. It wasn’t THAT big. When you look inside however, you can totally confirm that it is a bag of holding alright. And this one had… Three compartments?
You look up at her, and stumble backward when you realize she’s like 2 inches from your face.
“Oh wha! Holy shit fuck!”
She chuckles a rough laugh. “Oh thassa was too fun, too fun indeed haha. Now den, lessa me see.” She squints an eye. “Mmm, yeh, yeh, youss got powa, but no real trainin eh? Well, I gots things fo ya, lessa me know.”
Eh, what? Man that accent was really think, but hells, she had a freaky stomach thing bag and she didn’t seem like she WOULD rape you. Although she could and likes wants to, you damn well know that. But what exactly did you want to learn about? You think it over for abit and huff out a breath. Your copromancy is still an enigma to you, but you feel that there was some further application, something like…
“Plagamancy, and shielding magic.” You pause for a moment and pat Bub’s head, calming him down. “And… Familiars?”
She takes this all in and nods her head. “Oh dem shieldin magics be simple things, things any ol’ sorcera canna learn, and familiars… I take it you meana the rat in your pocket eh? But Plagamancy…”
She shakes her head and pulls two tomes from the shelf before staring you. “Child, thassa be dangerous stuff you looka at.”
You nod your head slowly. “I would uhm… Appreciate it if you’d ah… Give me a copy of a tome.”
She sighs and moves over to another shelf, then moves some skulls and removes a small book. She blows dust off it and adds it to the stack. She walks back over to you, sets down the books and stares you straight in the eyes “I thought it wasa my imagination gona run out from me, but you gots the look of a beast upon you. You ain’t chained ta anythin, an if you put your mind to it, yousa could probably be dissa world’s greatest tragedy.”
You barely have time to react before she grabs your arm and pulls you tight against her. You try to struggle against her strength, but it’s like trying to fight against a mountain. You can feel her hot breath on your mouth and she licks your face with her thick tongue. Oh Gods it’s like a slimy dog kiss but it smells like semen and rotting meat.
Still holding you, she closes her eyes and shudders, her cold blooded body seeming very warm against yours. She takes a moment before her eyes open again, and she whispers. “Oh child, you got the mark of da Hunter upon you. You gots to be strong, or else when she strikes, you ain’t gunna have the power to stop her froma unmaking you. But maybe instead, ifa I just…”
She shudders again and lets out an extremely attractive moan as she rubs up against you. Okay, wow, so you were wrong, she actually was going to try and rape you. You struggle again in vain and she begins to lick your neck. It’s an odd feeling, but not wholly uncomfortable. Actually, it kind of feels really, really good. Which is really, really bad.
That’s when you feel your pocket shake, and from it appears Bubs! He dashes up your robes, then jumps up, and bites the Jaga-Jaga on the tongue. The effect is immediate, she pulls back and flails, sending Bubs flying in the air to land upon you, almost as if it was planned, and you take a few steps back while she clutches her mouth and speaks in an unknown language.
You get ready to make a break for it, when she holds up a hand, and yells, “Oh no, no, forgiva me missa man, I’m sorry, I din meana do that, is just a…you are very ah…” She coughs and pulls herself back together, rubbing at her tongue, “Looka der, Ima sorry. I dinna men’s dat”
“Ye.. Yeah right, what the hell is with you Monsters?”
She grits her teeth. “Isa not was wrong with me child, isa whas wrong with you.” She shakes her head. “Listen here, you gotsa just believe me when I say that the Hunter will visit you until she feels yousa ripe for the pickin child.”
“What… Kind of Monster is this Hunter?”
“Oh it ain’t about what she is, but who she is missa man. She isa power in da Lady’s court an she gun find whatever makes her smile you hear me what?”
Oh, oh Gods. If what she said was true then that meant you were being stalked by one of the Temple guardians? One of the Monster Lady’s personal lieutenants themselves? Surely she can’t be serious, “Surely, you can’t be ser…”
Her stare says she is. Bubs pipes up in your pocket, looking concerned, and you pat him on the head. Great… You sigh and rub your forehead. What have you gotten yourself into? You just want to go home, but nooooo. Temple Guardians wanted your D! At least you seem to have time… Perhaps time enough to prepare for something like this. “F..fine. I’ll just take the tomes and the pouch and leave.”
She nods her head slowly and thinks before speaking. “Isa gunna be 1 gold for all dis.”
Shit that’s cheap. Hell, you thought about buying more stuff, but honestly, you probably should keep the money for the trip ahead. Nodding, you toss the coin to her, and she catches it adroitly before biting it and dropping it in a pouch of her own.
You gather the books and store them in a side of your new bag, then look up at her again. She’s staring rather intently through, not at you, and you can’t help but be creeped out. Slowly, you back up and head out towards the entrance, when you notice a health potion. You stare at it before shaking your head and moving on. “Take it, Asa gift froma me,”
You nod your head and grab the vial, storing it. As you open the door, you hear her say, “Your world gunna change one way or anotha missa Wizard man. Isa already begun.”
>You gain [Sack of Holding +1]
> A Tri- divided bag of holding made from some animal’s stomach. Not very fashionable, but it’s very useful.
> You gain [Familiarity with your Familiar: A guide to companion magic]
> A text detailing the choosing, binding, and abilities gained from having an animal familiar. Can get dry at sections.
> You gain [Defensive magic: Volume 1]
>Volume 1 of a three volume set instructing on how to use magic to defend oneself. This volume covers the basics and has an interest in magical circles.
> You gain [Plagata de roux: a translated primer]
> An esoteric little primer, poorly translated from some monster witch with an interest in Plagamancy. Philosophy and application of rudimentary disease spells and humours within.
> You gain [Health potion]
> Magically brewed potions that fix almost all wounds in nearly an instant. The base ingredient is human semen. Rich in protein!
And with that you leave the store and that thoroughly unsettling experience. She gave you a ton to think on/try to repress as you head back to the docks. You’re going to save reading the books for later, and besides, you can’t really concentrate anyway. You don’t even notice that the town seems kind of empty, until you hit a crowd of people around the docks, all staring and muttering around one massive riverboat, upon which someone is screaming. You look up and grimace. Oh for fucks sake.
“ALL WHO DARE DEFY FRANZ JAKOVITCH SHALL SUFFER HIS MUTHAFUCKIN FLAME!” A fireball shoots from the hands of the figure on the boat, and you guessed right, it’s Franz fucking Jakovitch,
“SHOW YOSELF YOU COWARDLY SACK OF SHIT!” More fire flares up.
You think you might just try and away from this one, and you do, before a vaguely familiar voice says behind you, “Can’t just put up an icewall now, can you?” You whip around to see a rather angular looking Wolfgirl, presumably the one you swatted away early today, howl and scream, “LORD FRANZ JAKOVITCH! I HAVE FOUND HIM!”
Franz Jakovitch’s gaze snapped to you and he snarls, throwing a ball of fire towards you and the crowd you stand in. The crowd around you screams and scatters, running into and atop each other in their furious panic. You throw up your hands and throw a spray of [Water] from a nearby rain barrel into the path of the fireball, causing it to fizzle out, a cloud of steam rising in the air.
You get very, very angry and scream, “JACK-OFF-A-BITCH! You almost burn down a barn, and now you shoot fire at these people? You’re sick!” The people around you have cleared a huge circle and, apparently feeling safe enough there, watch the encounter, although you can still hear furious chatter. You can see the Wolfgirl near you, standing inside the circle of people, and she paces about you with a predator’s grace.
You eye her and the heaving Franz who is apparently foaming at the mouth. There is a women kneeling next to him, holding her jaw, and you can see blood flowing onto the deck. With a sigh, you take a deep breath, and begin the [Irate Frog Song]. “FUCKING NORMIES GET OFF MY HARBOR! GET OFF! GET OFF! REEEEEEEE”
The reaction is instantaneous. People start screaming again and clear away, making a massive area around you, which is great, since burning people would be bad, but it also has the added effect of making that Wolf girl start howling and covering her ears. You freeze her legs in a block of [Ice] before casually ending the song and looking back to Franz, who has thrown another fireball.
This time, you jump out of the way, and the ball of fire strikes the cobbled street, erupting outward and coating the ground with flames. Thankfully no one was around or else that would have been bad. Well, no one except the wolf girl, but she’s fine… Oh, she’s on fire now. Well, she didn’t seem so keen on being frozen either, but you just can’t spare the time for her bitching.
You set your jaw and raise your staff, your will channeling through it and, with a cry of anger, you summon a jet of [Water] from the river to reach up and lash at Franz. Before it gets there however, you notice something on his chest glow brightly, and the water falls apart, splattering the hull with disenchanted fluidity. Which was just fine you guess, because sure, let the psychopath have a magic nullifying stone, sure okay.
What a prick.
“Ha! Yo magic won’t save you this time, fuckin little mage!” Franz screams, holding his palm out as fire coalesces into an orb. “Run if you want, but know that I will find you, and I will pop a blast in yo ass, and I will laugh the whole Gods damned time you mutha fucka.”
You notice that the Wolfgirl has managed to melt her bonds, and is running for the river, screaming in agony as her fur burns. She jumps in with a plop. Huh. Neat.
But back to your real focus, you try to put on a cool act. “O..oh yeah? You’re going to what… Burn down your boat after burning your house? Hah!” Even from the distance you can see Franz’s face turn scarlet and the orb in his hand get larger. Okay, fine, whatever you want Franzy boy.
“Or are you just going to throw fireballs at these uh, fine people? Can’t kill one little thorn in your perfect little world, so you have to throw fire at innocents?” You glance about, “Mostly innocents anyway.”
Franz looks like he’s holding a small star and you swear you can see steam coming from his head. “What the fuck you just say? WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST SAY? THIS IS MY TOWN YOU DOPEY ASS MUTHA FUCKIN PIECE OF SHIT!”
He cocks his hand back and snarls. “OPEN UP MUTHAFUCKA!”
You grip you staff in two hands and close your eyes, focusing on your spell. You shake with the concentration, and as Franz throws his arm back to strike, you twirl your staff (only almost dropping it once) and slam in into the ground, screaming, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
And with that, water from the river flies upwards, creating a screen which distorts and hides Franz’s form, yet magnifies the power and light of the Fire bomb, which sails through the air, seemingly in slow motion. As the thin sheet of water falls down, you twist your staff in the other hand and grip it with your now free hand. The water shudders, and turns to [Ice]. It’s a brittle and thin wall, but it does what you need it to do. The fireball strikes the wall of ice and it cracks it into a million little spider webs before shattering into so many pieces.
The fireball, however, begins to fall where it struck the wall from losing its forward momentum, and it bounces against the hull of the ship. Franz’s eyes go wide and you yell while panting, “Oh, and for the record Jakofabitch, I’m a Gods. Damned. Wizard!”
The bomb detonates and a hole in the ship the size of a wagon appears, catching everything else near it in fire with raining debris, This does include the deck. Franz screams in agony, and you can see him covered in flames as he flails randomly. Seems his nullifying charm didn’t work in this situation. Ain’t it a bitch. You notice the woman crawl over the side of the boat, only mildly on fire, and drop into the water. You sort of forgot about her. Shit, you hope she’s alive.
It takes you a few moments to realize the implications of what you just did.
- You killed a man
- You killed a very important mage in town
- You just dammed the whole harbor in flaming debris of what is soon to be a submerged hulk.
- You’re pretty certain people are about to get very, very angry.
You think this over and come to the conclusion that you should really get the fuck out of here. Not just the docks, but the whole city. And you uhm, you do just that. As you start to run, you hear a croaking cry from the boat, “WIIIIZZZAAAARRDDDDD! WIIIIZZZAAAARRDDDDDD!”
You don’t even look back, you run to the inn as fast as you can and slam open the door. You are greeted to the sight of a mildly sober Blake and a concerned looking Misha. “What did you do sugar? The whole tone is in a roar.”
“I uh… Might have burned Franz Jakovitch on his own boat.”
Her eyes widen and she slithers away. A furious exchange of words is heard, she slithers back in and tosses you and Blake some supplies and rations.”You must flee from this place, now, the docks are death for you, and the only other way leads to Varruck…” She shakes her head. “I’m having horses prepared, they should be here soon. Best get your things together and get out.”
Blake stands there, shaking his head. “What did you do… Varruck…”
You gulp and shake your head. Well shit. You rack your mind as you go upstairs, quickly gathering your things. Crap. How did things end up like this? You promised yourself that you wouldn’t get into any more trouble today, but noooo! You just can’t stop, can you? And now you’ve burned down a boat and probably hurt innocent people!
No, no, that’s not it, it was Franz Jakobitch’s fault, but you just…. Aggggh. You throw open your door and start getting things ready. Scoping up your beard kit, you shove it into your new sack and take stock of your inventory:
>[Robes of protection]
>[Crushed Wizard’s chalk]
>[The Essential Wizard’s Beard Care Kit]
>[Bubs, rat companion]
>[Sack of Holding +1]
>[Familiarity with your Familiar: A guide to companion magic]
>[Defensive magic: Volume 1]
>[Plagata de roux: a translated primer]
All here…. Okay. You quickly go back downstairs and find Blake pinching the bridge his nose and speaking with Misha. “We can’t afford to go through that blasted forest, the peril is too great.”
“The peril may be great, but you know that you can’t stay here, not after the Wizard killed Franz Jakovitch. It’s suicide, and I can’t hide you, nor will I allow them to torch my inn,”
Bubs squeaks in your pocket and the two turn to you, Blake frowning and Misha looking apologetically. You figured it was like that, but you ask anyway, “How long until the horses are here?”
Misha seems a little startled by the question you posed. “Uh, well, probably about ten minutes or so, the confusion on the docks is making it difficult.”
You nod your head and then look to Blake, who is about to say something, when you stop him with a raised hand. “I have to go back to the docks, make sure people are safe.”
Blake’s eyes get wide, “What? That’s suicide if Jakovitch’s men are around.”
You shake your head. “I know, I know, but… For some reason my conscious can’t let me go. I have to do this.”
You look to Misha, “Can you procure me some of your finest cheese for my companion?” She looks at Blake and you cough, pointing at your pocket, “The other one.”
She scowls for a moment and then shrugs. “Oh, well, fine by me. But if you’re going, go quickly, now now.” She motions for you to go with an enthusiastic wave.
You nod and dash outside, your gear jingling about you as you run down the docks. For some reason, the sound is much louder than you would have expected, and you turn your head to see Blake keeping pace with you. His face is still kind of pale, but he runs with a conviction borne of JUSTICE. You smirk and keep running. People and Monsters around you quickly get out of the way and whisper or point, and you make amazing time to the burning hulk, which still smoked in the river, despite the water being thrown upon it by frenzied dock workers.
When you arrive on the scene, you sigh in relief when you see the wolf girl lying in a pool of water and breathing, albeit heavily, having dragged herself out of the river after putting the fire out. Her hair is basically absent, and skin is tinged red. There are some patches of hair here and there, but… It’s pretty bad. Well she’s alive at least, so that’s one good thing for your conscience.
You looked around and see a pack of dock workers around a shivering form, and as you walk forward, your breath catches in your throat. When the worker see you, they pull away and go into defensive gestures, their hands tightened into balls. There’s a Minotaur girl there as well, and she stamps her hooves on the ground in anger. You pay them no heed and kneel to check on the person huddled in the blanket.
It’s the woman from the ship, and you can see her face covered in horrific burns and rent flesh. Oh, and you also notice she isn’t breathing. That’s… not good for your conscience.
A sharp crack sounds, followed by shouts, and the ship’s deck snaps and falls in upon itself, dropping into the water before slowly sinking to the bottom of the river. You stare, mouth agape, before Blake puts a hand on your shoulder, and squeezes. “It could not be helped. I heard from a missive to Misha… You did the thing that would save the most lives.”
You nod your head blankly and look about at the sea of angry faces. They don’t think you did the right thing. Oh sure, you know they saw what Franz did, and you know they owe you their lives, but when all is said and done, there was a dead woman on the docks and a broken ship clogging their lifeblood.
You’re the enemy here. Not some dead pimp.
“I…I… It had to be done, he was going to….” You sputter, trying to defend yourself.
The Minotaur girl slams her hoof on the ground and growled out, “You best be damn thankful that boat only had two people on it.”
“But..” Bubs begins squealing in your pocket, his head appearing out as you hear a new sound.
“You heard the good lady, best you be leaving.”
You turn to face the voice, and see a man in a rich looking suit, cracking his knuckles while a group of men with an assortment of weapons appear around him. Oh, it’s the pack from last night. “Seems to me that you just wasted the boss man here. Also seems to me that you best be leaving, permanently.”
That’s really oddly worded, but the intention is clear: they’re here to finish the job from yesterday, with interest. You sigh and grip your staff, not certain what you’ll do if they have that stone again. You hear Blake unsheathe his sword next to you and take a fighting stance. He only slightly wobbles, but the determination in his eyes is clear.
As the pack moves in, you start to build a spell, when the sound of hooves fills the air, causing everyone to look around wildly. In mere moments, a pack of maybe eight Centaurs appears from the city streets and run in between you and the men, rearing up with their equine forelimbs and crying out. One of the Centaurs looks at you and winks. “As a favor for our lady, do not abuse her generosity! It is long past time since we dealt with this trash. Go now, flee from here!”
You stand there, slack-jawed and dazed momentarily, before shaking your head and pulling at Blake. He notices and runs, nodding his head to the centaurs. The sound of furious yelling and neighing fills the air as you run out of sight. “Well Wizard, you got your fill I trust? Was it worth it?”
You feel this is a very open ended question. More than that, you realize that there is now what is essentially a gang war in town that you technically started. You feel terrible, but your mounts would be ready for you soon, and although the path ahead will be fierce and full of peril, it’s the only way to get to the capital now since the docks will probably be closed indefinitely while the remnants of Jakovitch’s gang and the Monsters duked it out in the power vacuum.
At least the Wolfgirl was okay, but that woman… There was nothing for it. It might have been worth it, for your piece of mind, but you couldn’t help but notice that no one even attempted to retrieve Franz’s body.
Was it worth it?
You think the question over as you and Blake stand in the shadow of a building, the sounds of fighting echoing behind you. Fighting that you started, or at least allowed to finally come to the surface. You didn’t think there was any malice between the humans and Monsters in the town, but apparently Jakovitch, for all the asshole he was, managed to keep this place in line.
So, was it worth it?
“…Yes. It was.” You murmur to yourself with conviction.
Blake looks over toward the way you came and growls under his breath before nodding back to the inn. “There’s nothing for it now. Come, let us away.”
Blake begins to walk purposefully and you hurry to catch up. As you watch him walk, you realize that his shoulders are hunched, and his expression holds a mix of pain and rage.
“Hero… No, Blake are uhm, are you well?”
He doesn’t look at you as he replies, “There is a battle in the streets of my hometown in which people and Monsters are going to die. The river and its traffic are stopped for the present, and now the only road to the capital is through Varruck. No Wizard, I am not ‘well’.”
“I… I’d didn’t mean to… Franz Jakovitch was going to kill people and… But perhaps I can explain to them, maybe uh, pull the ship out…”
He glares at you. “Haven’t you done enough?”
You fall silent and the two of you arrive at the inn without exchanging further words. When you open the door, you see a flurry of activity as waitresses hurriedly pack items, get wood ready to board windows, and generally prepare for a natural disaster. Misha coils between her employees, giving swift commands and organizing the effort. She spots you and turns about, slithering to you faster than you can believe.
“There you are, reports say that there’s fighting in the town, localized at the docks. It’s been brewing for awhile, but without Jakovitch to keep his boys in line, things will look grim for awhile.”
She smiles wearily at Blake, “But don’t you worry, we have things under control around here. However, you two must depart, if not because you must make it to your destination, but because your presence is a catalyst for more danger.”
Blake speaks up, “Are you certain? If things are as bad as you say….”
Misha snakes to Blake and gives him a big hug, which manages to catch the man off guard. It takes him a few seconds to respond to the hug, but he embraces her tightly. “It will be okay my little Blakey, you hear me? You come back after your little adventure, and ol’ Misha will be here, waiting for you”
Blake nods wearily and disengages from the hug. “Alright… That’s a promise then?”
She giggles and nods. “Aye… But that’s that for now, your rides are here, please follow me to the back.”
You do, and go out a back door where you find a small clearing for taking in supplies and other things you don’t want in the front of an establishment. You see a man finishing attaching some very loaded saddlebags onto two large, bay geldings, who don’t seem to notice the weight. He turns to look at you and you realize it’s the stable master from before
He nods at you slowly before looking to Misha. “It’s all here, ready to go. I have to get back to the stables before this gets more out of hand.”
Misha nods and hands something to the man. “Thank you for your help in this matter, please stay safe.”
He snorts, not unlike a bull, “Hah, if anyone attacks the barn, it’s their funeral.”
Misha laughs and shoos him away, something he does with gusto. After he leaves, Misha looks to you both and motions to the horses. Blake mounts easily, but you uh, you’ve never been on a horse before. You stare at it obliquely and the gelding sniffs you before sneezing on your face. You draw back and cough, wiping your face off. Oh Gods, it smells, ugh.
“This is no time to dally” says Blake, “Mount up and let’s quit this city before the gates are closed.”
You look around helplessly and try to mount like Blake did, but kind of… Fail, getting caught on the stirrups, throwing you staff just about everywhere and startling the horse some. Misha sighs and slithers up, causing the horse to shy back, but one glare from her freezes the horse in terror long enough for her to lift you onto it’s back and seat you firmly. She winks at you and whispers, “Be safe sugar, and don’t ever let yourself be the prey.”
Blake nods and turns his horse. You stare at Misha blankly as he does this and then towards Blake after a slicked second. Misha shrugs and shoos you away. What the hell does she know about your? You open your mouth and Misha shakes her head, and mouths, “I can’t help you.”
Your head full of questions, you try and copy what Blake did and you manage to get your horse to respond, if slowly due to its panic, and he takes off after Blake’s horse as quick as can be to get away from Misha. You try to get your balance the whole time and succeed enough not to fall out of the saddle. After a few moments, you look behind you to see a dark expression on Misha’s face before she turns back to go inside, slamming the door shut. And with that, she’s gone.
Well, the horse is trying it’s best to knock you off you’re sure, but it follows Blake’s horse’s lead very well and you soon make it to the city gates, which are still wide open. A guard stands at the ready and raises his spear, yelling a challenge to you. Blake dangles forth an icon of the Order, a sword and shield on a silver chain, and the guard hastily withdraws, allowing you to pass through without a breaking stride.
You would wonder why that was so easy, but holy hells, your real concern is how you’re supposed to stay on this damn thing! Every step is a struggle, and you desperately hope you won’t fall. You heard that was bad somewhere.
The two of you don’t stop until you’re far out sight of the city, although sun is high in the sky, shining down brightly upon you. You manage to readjust your seating and slowly “guide,” used in the loosest sense of the word, your horse towards Blake and ask, “We…well, we escaped. What now?”
Blake looks ahead and points towards a dense copse of what appear to be rather brown-leaved trees in the far distance, where the rolling plains end, but the road continues. “It’s about three days ride from here to Varruck proper, then maybe a week a week until the capital. But this could be much, much longer depending upon the… attraction we get.” He groans then, slapping his forehead. “And my ward is broken, of course.”
He shakes his head and sighs, “There’s nothing for it, we must press forward and make as much headway as we can through before stopping for the night. We’ll have to keep a watch for Monster attacks though.”
He turns and looks you straight in the eye before saying slowly, “I do not know what is out there, nor if the path is true, but listen to me Wizard. If you go looking for trouble, it will find you here.”
You gulp and nod your head. It seems very likely that trouble will visit you no matter what you do though. With this disturbing thought in your head, you point your horse, again a very loose term, in the right direction and start moving down the road, into the woods.