Smut and Chum

Smut and Chum

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Because over there, sitting on a footstool was that lady who was laughing. She, was a six-and-a-half foot tall, statuesque platinum-blonde succubus of the first order. (Pardon the term).

“Oh my Maou!” I shouted in surprise, as I jumped to my feet, as did Hanzo and Kato. She then removed her hand from in front of her face, where she’d been covering her mouth all lady-like.

“Hello Boys!” Lady Mara replied to us all, with a sultry smile that promised much.

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“Cut!” shouted Kaori the Director from her position behind the lead Tri-camera, when she did her eyeglasses slid down her nose again.
 “That’s a wrap for this episode!” she stated as she pushed her eyeglasses back up her nose with a sharp nailed finger. She then focused her eyes on each of us set-actors, before she continued talking.
“So I’d like to thank everyone for all their efforts, and give you all a solid ‘Well Done’!” she called out as she got to her feet. That rare compliment of hers, gave me the warm scalies.

Kaori’s the Blue-Oni mastermind behind the success of our TV series: Cut and Run.  If it weren’t for her leadership and high expectations, we’d not be anywhere near as successful.

When she finished talking, everyone on set broke character, most of them there either let out a relieved sigh, or they just simply slouched in relief.

The next thing we hear is Vesta, the actress playing Lady Mara, insouciantly blowing a drawn out raspberry that echoes around the set.  This helps to relieve the tension level in the room, as pretty much everyone else there smiles or gives off a slight chuckle.

We all laugh because it’s not every day that a person can end up working with a Lilim actress who acts, well, goofy. I don’t know about everyone else, but it does me good to know that there’s at least one Lilim in the world who isn’t flouncing around like she’s got a stick up her ass.

I once asked her what her motivation is for doing that, making raspberries on set. She told me that she did it for ‘luck’. But, I’ve also noticed that she also does it every time she flubs a line. Which isn’t all that often. Thankfully.

My attention is then drawn to the two newbs on set, the pair of Zipangese actors Kinmochi and Taro, who are portraying Lady Mara’s ninja-bodyguards. I can see that they’re quivering something fierce as they try to politely hide their own amusement.

Whereas Marcos, the actor-dude whose role it is to play Teal the Unicorn’s love interest; he’s just about doubled over with laughter. My guess is that he’s probably just trying to impress Vesta. Fat chance of that bub!

Me? I’ve worked with Lady Vesta a few times before; such as on the set of: ‘The Hobbit’, and its immediate sequel: ‘The Hobbit-2’, Smaug’s Revenge. I think I know her well enough by now, to guess that Marcos isn’t going to be donating any Spirit Energy to her anytime soon. He’s just not her type.

Me? I just smile knowingly at the sight of him and his antics, and start stretching my arms, legs, and wings. It’s been a long day of shooting scenes for this episode of Cut and Run; and I’m tired down to the bone. Breathing in a few refreshing breaths, I realize that I could really use some ‘me’ time. Which I’m hoping will involve some horizontal action between me and my current girlfriend- Amycoida. But more on that later.

Every other actor on set such as Ralph, who plays ‘Alonzo Belushi’; Bartholomew who plays ‘Jamal’; and Tiffany who plays Allen Belushi’s Dark Mage-Mom; all just casually place their Tarot cards down on the table in front of them, as Props requested they do. Only then do they get up to take care of their end of the shooting day incidentals.

Which isn’t all that much for most of them. All the supporting actors have got to worry about, is dropping off their costumes at the costume department. Then they have the option of wandering off to hit the showers if they so desire, or not. But, just as everyone there is getting ready to leave, we all hear the sound of another voice.

“HEY EVERYONE! If I could have your attention, please?” called out Gwendolyn the Assistant Director with such a booming authority, that it makes everyone there stop what they’re doing and look squarely at her. Which is strange, since Gwendolyn is one of the ever increasingly rare- female Dwarfs. How she got such a voice of authority, is beyond my ken. I stop and give her my requested ‘undivided attention’, as Ralph comes to a halt next to me.

“As you all know,” she continued, “this ends episode twenty-one, season three of Cut and Run! Now normally, we’d all meet up in a couple of weeks to start shooting episode twenty two,…” she begins.

‘Oh great!’ I silently think to myself, as I roll my eyes, and look away in frustration. “Normally’, only means one thing: More fucking bad news!’ I grouse. Glancing over at Ralph, I can see the same thought crossing his mind too, judging by the fact that we’re sharing the same sour look.

“BUT!” she continued, while ignoring the audible moans and groans that emanated from the peanut gallery, “Since we’re coming up on the anniversary of Mr. Loknarr’s first daughter’s death; he has requested that shooting for episode twenty-two be delayed for an extra two weeks. Or, at least until such time as he’s had to deal with his mourning.” She finishes. Which causes a number of audible mutterings and complaining directly towards her from everyone there.

I find myself being unsure about what makes me more uncomfortable. The Death Anniversary of his first kid, or the griping and complaining that’s inspired by that announcement. It’s disturbing, because I find myself joining with my fellow crew members in their complaining.

Ah crap!’ I think silently, ‘Come on Gramps! It’s been nearly sixty-fucking-years since your baby daughter died! Isn’t it about time you’ve moved on already?’ I then let out an audible sigh at the unexpected pay-cut.

You see, that’s one of the biggest problems with being an actor: when you don’t work you don’t get paid. Two weeks of no acting between episodes on ANY set is to be expected, and every one of us makes allowances for it. But, this additional two weeks time off bombshell, isn’t something that any of us are prepared for.

“Settle down! Settle down!” Gwendolyn continued, as she waved a doll-sized hand down in ‘calming’ gesture from her perch atop a barstool.
 “House Karrakthel understands all of your concerns, and your need to get paid! So, Loknarr Karrakthel  Allen Belushi, has generously extended to everyone involved in the production of Cut & Run, to continue to receive their regular paychecks, during his two weeks mourning time!” she finished.

Oh, the sour looks and moaning evaporated at that bit of good news, I can tell you! Ah heck, even I was feeling better at that tidbit. After all, who doesn’t like two weeks off with pay? I then make to move off. But, just as I do, Gwendolyn starts talking again.

“Oh! And Mr. Sharp!” she calls out, I stop and turn to look at her. “The executive producer would like to have a word with you!” she then smiles at me beatifically.

“No sweat,” I wave, “I’ll pop in with him after I shower.” I reply and make to move off.

“Actually!” she continued, which made me stop stomping, as a chill went up my spine. “He wants to have that word with you, right now!” she explained. I turn and look to give her my best glare, as I open my mouth to reply.

“Don’t fireball the messenger!” she states as she lifts her hands in a ‘surrender’ gesture. “I’m just letting you know what he expects, and what he expects, is to talk with you IMMEDIATELY!” she emphasized. I close my eyes and sigh to calm myself down, then nod my head to indicate that I’ve received the news and will obey.

 Everyone else, just heads off to their respective dressing rooms or costuming, while I just stand all annoyed in the middle of the set. As soon as everyone else has departed, I watch Gwendolyn start ordering around the work crews to clean up the place.

“Crap!” is all I’ve got to say finally. Internally, it’s a different matter entirely. Words that wouldn’t have made it past the censors, so I think you can guess what they were.

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So, at this point, you’re probably wondering who the hell I am? Allow me to introduce myself. My name, is Luke Sharp and in case you couldn’t tell, I’m an actor. Well, to be honest, Luke Sharp is just my ‘stage-name’. Stage-names are a polite little fiction that we actors use for manifold reasons; primarily we do so in order to make ourselves more memorable to the Directors. You know, they’re the ones whose ball-sacks we’ve got to fondle, if we want even half a chance to stay employed.

I’m sorry. Did that come off as being just a teensy bit cynical?

Look, I know that when it comes to Directors, they’ve got themselves a kazillion details they have to remember all of the time. So, we actors do everything and anything we can, to ensure that our names be the ones they immediately think of when a position opens up.

Sorry, going off on tangents appears to be genetic. Here’s why.

My real name is Adam Belushi. Well, that’s my birth name, actually. My Transition name is Chezzyss Karrakthel. I’ll explain all of that. Just bear with me, OK?

I was named Adam when I was born, ok- hatched actually. I became Chezzyss Karrakthel, after I transitioned. Transitioning is something that occurs occasionally on the male side of the Belushi family, usually after we hit puberty.

What it meant for me, is that one night I went to bed as a normal red-blooded incubus. Then when I woke up several days later, I was a normal red-blooded Dragon complete with wings and a tail. To my identical twin brother (Arthur)’s  annoyance, he never did transition. Sorry Art.

As I said- I’m a Belushi, and yes, I’m a descendant of the Allen Belushi. I’m one of his Great-Grandsons to be precise. With him being a blood relative, it made it a lot easier to get my job. Now, what job is that?

I am portraying him, my Great-Grandfather, in a historical reenactment Tri-Vid series called: Cut and Run. Which, as you may or may not know, are named after his memoirs.

Those memoirs chronicle the time starting from when he was an adult human, all the way through to the time that he became the first Dragon-Incubus. And then on through the months and years after of him learning how to deal with the ins and outs of Dragon society, culture, magic, and sex.

Those chronicles include both his good, and his bad experiences, while we, us actors, try to reproduce them all as accurately as possible. Yeah, accuracy in Hollywood? It makes my mind boggle too.

Don’t get me wrong. I know damned full well, that my getting the role of Allen Belushi was mostly due to that I was his descendent. But, the fact that I’m also a professional method-actor, along with a number of other prior gigs under my belt beforepaw- certainly helped in my getting it.

Case in point- remember my mentioning that I’d worked with Vesta the Lilim, on a couple of other sets? The Hobbit and its sequel?

I was in both, as the lead character, Smaug, in my full-dragon form. I got an Oscar for my portrayal of Smaug for the first move, and I was nominated for one for reprising my role in its sequel.

Additionally, I’ve also played the adult version of Drogon, in the ‘Game-of-Thrones’ remake for the TV crowd. Unfortunately, I wasn’t nominated for any awards for my work then.
But, as a consolation I sure as hell got to enjoy the attention of countless Daenerys cosplayers afterwards. All of whom wanted ‘a full immersion’ of being a Mother to Dragons, if you catch my drift. Every time I go to Dragon-Con, I end up walking funny my way out the door.

I’ve also done a number of other bit parts here and there. I’ll admit, it’s mostly stuff I’m not proud of, but what the hell. They paid the bills. But, Cut and Run, I’m happy to say, has really launched my career in ways that I’d not foreseen. But enough about that. Let’s get on with the story.

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So, after getting the news of the delay, I set course to the Executive Producer’s office. Luckily, I don’t have far to go, as I stomp my way out of The Cave, then amble my route opposite the way of the Ryu Temple, on down to the corporate offices of Moongrim Studios. They, are set just above and behind Loknarr’s original Cave, so as to make the production and transportation costs that little bit less expensive. It’s a universal truth, but profit margins are always on the mind of the management anywhere you go.

Occasionally, on the way over I wave at one or two folks involved in the production efforts. But, I don’t go out of the way to make any idle chit-chat, as I’m more interested in getting this shit-show done and over with.

Shortly after, I’m entering the waiting room of the Exec’s office. There, I wave hello to Belinda, she’s the Exec’s secretary and gate-keeper.

Never mind the fact that she’s a Red-head with HUGE knockers, she’s a member of the ‘None-Shall-Pass’ brand of Succubus secretaries that even a horde of Order Knights would have had trouble getting past.

It helps, that she’s also efficient and as tough as nails. Don’t let her ever-present vapid expression fool you, she’ll chew you up and spit you out if you don’t take her seriously.

Once she sees me, she waves pleasantly back from behind her desk. But she doesn’t say anything then, as she’s on the phone dealing with fending off yet another wannabe actor, no doubt. I don’t know for sure, as I’m not really paying her too much mind.

Why? I’m nervous as all fuck. That’s because every time I have to wait outside his door, I always feel like I’m some schoolboy, who’s sitting and stewing outside the Principal’s office, waiting to see how much trouble he’s in. Never mind the fact that I’m the lead star; every time I get called into to ‘talk’ with the Executive producer, I always seem to end up with my getting my tail chewed off.

After a few tension filled minutes of brooding, I notice Belinda talking to me.

“Earth to Luke, Earth to Luke! Come in Luke, do you read me?” Belinda asked, waving one of her hands vigorously. Hard enough to make her already oversize bosom wiggle and shake deliciously.

“Yes Bell?” I reply, while I try to not let her boobies distract me from my misery.

“Mr. Pettifogger won’t be available for a short while, since he’s in a conference call. So, I apologize for the delay.” She stated with an alluring smile. I just glance back and flash her a smile, and then I nod my head in acknowledgment.

“So, since you have to wait extra-long, is there anything I can get you in the interim?”

“What do you have available?” I idly ask out of the side of my mouth, glancing at the art work around the walls.

“Well, there’s either coffee, tea,…or me.” She replied casually, (!) as she leaned forward. Looking over at her, I couldn’t help but notice that her already prominent cleavage, has spread open enough to make her even more desirable.

“Hmmmm.” I hummed, as I purview the ‘dish of the day’ of that rather tempting display of alabastrine Succubus titties. I could feel my drool begin to flow, at the thought of taking as much of them as I could manage into my mouth, again.

Unfortunately, the one thing that interrupts my taking advantage of the opportunity, is my remembering that I had to talk with Pettifogger. It’s a helluva mood killer, I’ll admit.  Knowing my luck, just as soon as Belinda starts moaning in earnest, is when Pettifogger will decide he’s available. Just like the last half-dozen times.

“I’ll take a raincheck, if you don’t mind.” I replied as I gave her a reluctant half-smile. “You know how it goes.” I continued as I shook a hand/paw at the door to his office. Belinda gives me a disappointed pout for a second, and then she nods her head and waves me off. After a supreme effort, I then manage to pull my gaze away from the pair of Zeppelins she’s hiding behind her blouse.

Instead, I lay back into that ever comfortable ‘made-for-Dragons’ custom built chair. I have to admit, it’s the one thing about being called in, that helps to make me feel somewhat at ease.

Turning my attention to the walls, I allow my gaze to drift over and notice the posters for all of the Tri-Vid series that Moongrim Productions has created. First, is the poster that depicts the Annwyfn Arawn series of TV movies. It’s been well received by the depressive Goth/Dreg crowd. But, despite the fact that it’s been around longer than my series, it hasn’t proven anywhere near as popular with the general public.

Also, there are the posters for the several one-shots that have gotten a number of varying reviews: Magic Matango Mushrooms, Who Mourns for Apollo?, the A.I.M.M. documentary, and the winter solstice special-The Spider Girl’s Krampus . And finally, there’s the promo-poster for my Tri-Vid series: Cut & Run. I can’t help but smile with pride at the sight of it.
 I then squint to read the fine print at the bottom of that poster: As brought to you by Moongrim Productions, courtesy of ‘T.F.T. Home Entertainment ©’.

It’s not a fantastic success, mind you. Not like the “Wizard Quest” series and its sequels, or the “Laska and Me” series that are also available on the TFT channel. But, Cut and Run has proven to be enough of a success to keep me employed. Or at least it is with more than a few folks in this day and age. Why? This is partly due to the ‘Smut and Chum’ option that TFT chose to incorporate into its production lineup.

Oh, what’s that? What day and age? And what do I mean by Tri-Vid? All right, I’ll explain.

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Tri-Vid, or ‘TV’ as it’s also known now, is a three-tier entertainment system. The ‘Tri’ refers to those three tiers, and vid is video, duh.

Tier One- is your ‘ancient of days’ two-dimensional entertainment- also known as: High-Definition Television with surround sound. It’s something that everyone can afford nowadays. Entertainment wise, it’s sort of like masturbation. Or at least it is, in comparison to the kind of sex that involves someone else. It’ll do you in a pinch, if you can’t access anything better.

Tier Two- is the 22nd Century version of projection Holography. This kind of entertainment set up, requires a large amount of floor space in order to ‘view’ it properly. It has the advantage of folks being allowed to step into the viewing area, so as to get ‘a better view’ of the action.
Naturally, this requires a bit more money, to not only afford the extra space, but also the cost of the equipment that produces the images at home. Since it’s all ‘holograms’, it’s like stepping into a room full of ghosts. Only without any of the Spirit-Energy loss that would normally come about in such a situation. It makes for a nice stepping stone to the next Tier.

Tier Three- now that’s where the ‘Smut and Chum’ part come into play. It is a ‘fully interactive’ venue. And by Full-Interaction, I mean exactly that. Any viewer, can not only step into the area of ‘play’ but also ‘participate’ in it. That is say, if the Holo-actors are having sex, the viewer can insert themselves into that action, and feel,….well,…everything: the squeezable softness of Dragon boobies, the thrusting action of a Dragon’s double dicks, even the taste of a Dragon’s body secretions, milk or otherwise. What the ‘viewer’ wants, the viewer usually gets- provided he or she is willing to fork over the moola for it. The more involved the action, the more expensive the final price.

Tier-3 has proven to be quite popular with the Mamono crowd. Enough so to make Cut and Run, and by default Moongrim Productions, a household word. But as you’re about to find out, that situation hasn’t always been peaches and cream. Now, on to the Smut explanation.

Prior to the S&C (Smut and Chum) days, those actors who chose to work in Porn, or SMUT as its often referred to, were never given much in the way of respect in the acting world.

 Now that attitude is starting to shift to the better. Thus, anyone who wants to act in a S&C role, has to be prepared to ‘perform’ in more ways than one. Usually sexually on-screen. The Weinstein casting couch finally made its comeback. (Get it? Come? Oh never mind.)

So, how exactly does an actor get recorded to not only look, but also feel, smell, and yes- taste real? That’s where the ‘Chum’ aspect comes into play. Chum is the early 22nd century Motion-capture/high-tech makeup, that covers an actor’s entire body. It is that quick drying liquid that covers me completely from the tip of my horns, all the way down to the final sharp tip of my foot claws.

But, it’s not really make-up, per se. It’s actually a translucent biodegradable set of electronic sensors that constantly measures, well,…everything. Body tone, density, bounciness, and yes, even how we feel inside and out, to anyone who’s willing to fork over the $$$$ premium price for Tier-3.

So, why is it called Chum? Because that’s exactly what it smells like when you’re wearing it. It smells, and tastes, like a stinky bucket of fish-bait that’s been spread to dry all over your body.

Anyone who can act in a S&C production with that stuff oozing into their every crevice, and still look like they’re enjoying themselves; Deserves a helluva lot more than just an Oscar in my humble opinion. But then, I’m rather biased in that regard. Go figure.

Congratulations folks! Now you know the meaning behind the name: Smut and Chum.

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“Luke! Baby! You’re looking Sharp man! Ha-ha-ha!” Enos Pettifogger laughs, as he points to me with both his forefingers. He’s standing behind his oversize desk, when I (finally) enter his office half a freaking hour later. And yes his name actually is: Enos. Ask anyone who has had to work under him and you’ll find out that his unofficial nickname is Anus. No one dares to say it to his face though.

“Ha-ha-ha!” I force a smile as I exercise my acting skills as I best I can, and laugh back at his favorite stupid ass joke. After that, I take a seat that he waves at me to sit down on.

When I do, I take a firm look at him and the office that he sits inside. What I see of him, is a middle-aged looking blonde Incubus sporting a braided pony-tail, and a pencil thin mustache. He’s at least five greasy feet tall and is slightly muscular. Unfortunately, he carries with him that ancient curse of humanity, Dunlap’s Disease.

He’s dressed in a blue three-piece suit, that despite its expensive price tag, still carries with it an air of slovenliness. It doesn’t help that it’s not been in the vicinity of a steam-iron in ages. Which makes me wonder what his pair of Shoggoth Maids are employed for, exactly.

‘I don’t wanna know.’ I decide, not wanting to pursue that train of thought. Just as he reaches out to shake my paw, he stops and then pulls back.

“Hey Luke, you reek man!” Anus says suddenly, his clean-shaven face screwing up something fierce, while he grabs his nose and pinches it shut. I secretly smile at him.

“Sorry Enos, but the message I got was that you wanted to speak to me as soon as possible. So, instead of taking a shower before coming over,…” I began.

‘Serves you right, bastard!’ I mused.

“Fine! Fine!” Anus interrupts me, his eyes watering while waving a hand at me to shut up. I did. We both sit down then, as far away from each other as possible. After a bit, he makes the first move. Honestly, I more than half-expect him to start grousing as soon as I entered the room.

“Luke, I’ve got a problem.” He says instead. I raise my eyebrows.

“What exactly?”

“Remember back in episode fifteen, you made a snide ass remark concerning the Oomukade?” He mentioned. I screw up my face in thought for a few seconds, and then it hits me.

“Oh yeah! I think so,” I reply, “Something about them creeping me out, or some such.” I finish, as I repress a shudder at the thought of one of them. Yeah, they really do creep my tail out.

“Yeah that!” Anus states with a frown when he sees that shudder, while pointing one of his fore-fingers at me, again.

‘Godsdamn, I’m getting tired of seeing that finger pointed at me! Just once I wish I could bite it off!’ I complained to myself. I know I can’t, not if I wanted to stay employed at any rate.

‘So, what’s the big deal? Lots of folks don’t care for Oomukade.” I replied defensively.

“Yeah, I know, I don’t much care for them myself, either. But, that’s not the point. The point is Luke, is that ad-lib line of yours, made it past the censors and into the final product.”

“So, how is that supposed to be my fault?” I asked, spreading my paws apart in a sweeping gesture. “The Film-Editors screwed up, punish them.” I sighed. “But, I assume that’s not the whole point of my coming here, is it?” Anus lifted a hand to forestall me.

“Yeah, well, we already did that. But, that didn’t solve the other problem.”

“What other problem?”

“After that remark, the show’s popularity took a bit of a hit.”

“A hit? I didn’t hear anything about that!”

“Of course not. I’ve been trying to keep that a secret from the board of Directors.”

“You won’t for much longer I’d imagine.” I shot back. He shook his head in agreement.

“Fraid not Luke, sooner or later it’ll come out.”

“So, how much of a hit?”

“Our Nielsen ratings, dropped by almost half.”

“What?! Half a percentage point? Big deal! We’ve weathered worse,…” I begin. Then I notice that Anus has stopped talking, and instead was giving me the fish eye.

“No, Luke.” He explained. “Not half a percentage point. Half! As in: Half of our overall popularity rating!”

“What?! Holy Shit!” I exclaimed, aghast. “That far!? Just because of one little aside concerning the uber-creepy crawlies!?” I yell out. Which make Anus’ frown deepen even further, as his eyes flare up.

“Now THAT attitude! Is exactly the problem I called you in here for Luke!” he yelled, as he stood up to his full height and pointed another finger at me. (‘Grrr’!)

When he did, I could see then that his fly was still unzipped. Which meant only one thing: That any important calls he’d supposedly been on while I was cooling my heel claws off in the lobby, actually involved him getting oral sex. I’d have bet a week’s paycheck that he’d probably been getting deep-throated from one, or more, of the Succubus interns.

Again.

“So?” I yell back as I stand up. “What am I supposed to do about that? I can’t unspeak that line, now can I?” I demand. He didn’t reply at first, he just continued shaking with indignation, while we glared at each other for several seconds. Finally…

“No, you’re right.” He replied. “You can’t go back in time and change those words.” he admitted as he sat back down. Then he started to spread out some papers that had been sitting in front of him.
“But, what you can do, is something about it in the here and now.” He continued, as I sat my own tail down.

“So, what’s the Big-Whoop?” I asked, “Surely I can just go out and tender a public apology and tell them all about the circumstances. I can probably shoot off that old line that it was either a ‘weak moment’, a Freudian Slip, or I could say it was the Ambien talking, I don’t know.”

“Well that would be a good start.” He replied. Which told me that it wouldn’t be enough. I pressed on.

“I don’t suppose that I could mention the fact that that ‘ad-lib’ line, was something I heard directly from my Great-Grandpa’s own mouth?” I asked absentmindedly, and then stopped talking when I finally looked over at Anus. He’d been silent for the entirety of my short speech, not once thinking to interrupt me.

“What?” I replied suspiciously, while I crossed my arms.

“You could also publicly attend some Mamono Sensitivity Training.”, he said quietly.

“WHAT!” I exploded, “Are you out of your mind?! Sensitivity Training? Is that even a thing anymore!?”

“Yes, it is Luke, even in this day and age. According to the M.A.D.L.’s, that’s the one thing that’ll placate them.”

“Madels? Who the fuck are they, and why do they carry so much weight?”

“They Luke, are the ‘Mukade Anti-Defamation League’, and they carry a lot of weight as far as the entertainment system goes. Wait!” he said as he held up a hand to forestall my next diatribe. Taking a couple of breaths, I settle back down reluctantly. He continued.

“They are also based in the city of Tschitta.”

“Tschitta? That’s sounds familiar for some reason.” I mused, while my eyebrows mashed up in thoughtful recollection.

“It should, as not only is it Yosemite Village’s ‘sister-city’, it’s also the place where T.F.T. distributes all of its videos in the Zipangu region, and parts west.”

“Ah crap.” I winced.

“Yeah, exactly. This is something that has the potential to not only bring down Cut and Run, but also the rest of Moongrim Productions.”

“Oh come on ENOS!” I shouted, “Are you fucking kidding me?! Now you’re having to try and weigh me down with a frakking guilt trip as well?”

“If that’s what it takes to get you to go to that Sensitivity Training, then consider my answer to be a yes.” He replied. We glare at each other for the longest while, I try a different tack.

“As I recall, I also made a smart-ass remark concerning Mer-sharks. One that didn’t require me having to attend any ‘sensible training’.

“Sensitivity Training.” Anus corrected while looking at me through his eyebrows. I could tell that he wasn’t amused by my quip.
“That Mer-shark comment of yours actually turned out to have a positive effect. Apparently the viewing public had forgotten about that old Aquarium exhibit. After your comment, it had a brief resurgence. One that’s only now starting to ebb.” He smiled. Then he sighed.

“But your Oomukade comment? That’s had a negative effect on not only the Oomukade community, but also a number of their chief exports from Zipangu. Such items like Sesame Oil, and Sho-Ju.”

“Since when do Centipede Mamono make that stuff?”

“They don’t. What they do, is mix their venom with both those products. This results in those items gaining a medicinal effect. But, since sales of those are now down due to you; the company that manufactures them are threatening to sue TFT for lost profits. That is they will, if you won’t take the Sensitivity Training after making an appropriate apology.” Anus finished with a sour look on his face. I winced then, I couldn’t help it.

“Ok, fine!” I snapped, looking away. “When?” Anus didn’t answer immediately. I looked at him.

“What? Now?!” I demanded. He nodded.

“For the next four weeks.”

“Oh, come on Man!” I whined. “My girlfriend and I have already made plans to spend at least two weeks of my time off together, on a vacation in Pandemonium!”

“I’m sorry Luke, but them’s the breaks!” he replied contritely spreading his hands apart. “But, look at it this way, you’ll be getting a steady paycheck for your time. You go ahead and attend the training, and if you want, you can even bring your girlfriend along. That’s assuming she’s amenable. If she is, I’ll go ahead and spring for the extra fare.”

“Gee thanks.” I groused, feeling downcast.

“I know this is a lot of ask of you Luke, but there are a lot of things riding on you being a good sport on this. You’ll help keep Cut and Run running smooth, and you’ll also give the Mors Funebris series a chance to keep going too! Besides, humility is never a bad thing for an actor, or for that matter, a writer as well! Now, I don’t think I need to remind you of what happened to every actor who refused to eat their share of humble pie. Remember Mel Gibson?”

“Don’t remind me.” I replied with a grimace.

“Yeah, exactly!” he replied, pointing a finger at me, yet again.

 “Ok, you win.” I replied audibly, in defeat. “I’ll do it.” Pettifogger smiled triumphantly then.

‘So, help me Maou, if I EVER the chance to get a severance package from this place. I’m going to demand that I get at least two of that bastard’s fingers!’ I fantasized.

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So, after that fucking annoying-ass meeting, I stomp my way back over to my dressing room/trailer. Once I waltz through the front door, I can hear the sound of the shower running.

‘Crap!’ I groused, ‘It sounds like someone’s using all of the hot water up already.’ Then, I look around and notice whose clothing is strewn about the place. There’s not much there, just a loin flap, a handbag, and a bandolier belt.

 I smile at the sight of them, as I know exactly who it is they belong to: Amycoida the Jumping Spider. She’s the actress currently playing Corporal Helvetia in the Annwyfn Arawn series. She’s also my ‘on-again/off’-again’ girlfriend. Currently, she’s on. It’s complicated.

Stepping as carefully as I can, I then sneak into the bathroom with nary a sound made from my foot claws tapping on the linoleum. Positioning myself in the most acoustic spot, I speak loudly yet firmly.

“EEEK! There’s a spider in my bathtub!” I yell out. Almost immediately, I hear her yelp, and then she pokes her head out from behind the curtain. I see a stream of water dripping from her soaked face fur, as she throws a sodden loofa at me. I dodge it easily.

“Luke!” Amy yells at me, all wide eyed. “You startled me! When did you come in? Oh, never mind! Just get your tail in here, so that we can get rid of that damnable Chum!”  Once I’m in, she starts rubbing my hide down with water, so as to let it soak in. After that, she uses the anti-gelling scrub that denatures the Chum, and allows it to be scrubbed off easily.

It’s something that I normally do myself, but it really does help to have an extra set of hands, or paws, to assist. As almost invariably, I manage to miss a spot or three somewhere on my body. I can’t count the number of times that the paparazzi have taken pics of me with it hanging off of me in flaps. It’s embarrassing to say the least.

I’m mostly silent during the shower. That’s because I know that if I say anything, that she’s gonna blowup on me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Amy asks me at one point, noticing my silence during her scrub-up of me.

“Maybe.” I reply, “Just not right now.” I reply as I force a smile back at her. I then start to return the favor of running my hands/paw all over her. Instead of resisting and putting up a fuss, she just gives me a sharp toothed grin back.

After a long while of my scrubbing her exoskeleton up, and then washing her fur down. I continue to allow myself to continue rubbing on her in certain select spots. She doesn’t make more than a cursory objection. As I knew she would.

Eventually, we got down to business and started making love in the shower. After all, shower sex is the best. Particularly if you’ve got an ever-flow hot water heater! In my opinion, it’s even better than regular sex. That’s because once you’re done making a mess, you’re already half-washed to begin with!

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After we’re done, we clean up. Again. Then, we hit my bed to snuggle together. You never know, maybe we’ll both be up to round ten after a short rest? Wait and see.

“So,” she begins, “what was it that had you having such a long face when you came into the shower?” she asked.

I tell her then, all about my off-color comment, and what I’d have to do to make up for it.

“WHAT!” she screamed after I finished, which made me wince. I had no idea she was capable of such decibels before, even when we made love! “Are you fucking kidding me?” she demanded. To which I shook my head, which made her even madder.

“Do you have any idea of what I had to give up, in order to spend the time off with you?” she demanded again.

“No,..” I began, but she cut me off before I could get much further.

“I gave up an opportunity for a spot on the Hillywood show!” She screamed. “The HILLYWOOD Show, Luke!” she screamed once more for emphasis.

“I’m sorry.” I replied with a wince. I knew it was lame, but it was all that I could come up with.

“Sorry? SORRY!? Is that the best that you can come up with? Sorry?” she replied, looking at me all exasperated when I tried to come up with an explanation.

“Well,…ummmm, er,…..yes?” I replied wi, staring back at her. She stared back at me for at least a minute, not saying so much as a word as her face turned blue with rage.

“FINE!” she replied, as she let her shoulders drop. “Go ahead and attend your ‘Sensitivity Training’ then! Maybe, just maybe, it’ll do you some good!” she yelled, as she started moving about my bedroom and started to pick up her clothing and things.

“Who knows?” she said loudly, as she lifted up both of her hands in a ‘I dunno’ gesture, after throwing her bandolier belt over one shoulder.

“Perhaps, you might even get so sensitive that you’ll be able to appreciate your now, EX-GIRLFRIEND!” she emphasized, “And what she’s sacrificed for the likes of you!” she continued, as she marched all eight of her legs to the door, and then kicked it open in preparation for another one of her melodramatic exits.

“Don’t bother calling me!” she shouted, just before she slammed the door on her way out. Hard enough to make the walls of my trailer shake.

‘Drama Queen.’ I silently grouse at the now silent door. ‘Women! Ya can’t live with them. Ya can’t fireball ‘em.’ I fumed.

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The next day, I meet up with Anus to hold the prearranged press conference to announce my feigned contrition. Just before it’s set to begin…

“Hey Luke, where’s your Girlfriend?” he asks me all concerned, after grabbing ahold of a wing to get my attention.

“She ain’t coming.” I replied peevishly, as I gently retrieved that wing from his grasp, so that I could sit down at the conference table.

“What? Don’t tell me she’s upset with you, again?”

“Fraid so.” I replied with a nod. “From the way she acted last night, it sounds as if she’s not inclined to come back.” I replied.

“She was that mad?” he asked, clearly concerned.

“Yep,” I nodded, “she was that pissed. Apparently, she gave up a couple of opportunities to advance her own career. All, so that we could spend our time together. Now, we can’t.” I griped, looking at him in the eye while I spread my wings menacingly.

“Sorry man, I had no idea she’d get so upset about this.” Anus replied. If, anything else he had the decency to at least look apologetic for his actions. So, I forgave him. Which is more than I could say for a lot of folks. There are way too many dweebs out there, who are never gonna forgive anyone anything. But that’s life. Fuck ‘em if they won’t be mature about shit. Besides, it’s not like I was a saint myself.

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Well the press conference went about as well as could be expected. I read from the crib-notes that Pettifogger gave me ahead of time. I summoned up my best contriteness-speech as I could manage; explaining how awful a person I was to denigrate the Oomukade community with my insensitive commentary.

Afterwards, I then went on to explain that I was going to be spending my ‘extra-long’ vacation between episodes 21 and 22, learning how to be a better Mamono by getting some long overdue Sensitivity Training.

In addition to that announcement I then stumbled over the next part. That’s where I was cold-cocked by a bombshell. I recited that I was going to be donating my ‘vacation’ paycheck to the Mukade Anti-defamation League, as a show of ‘Good-Faith’ on my part.

It was at that point that I kicked ANUS underneath the table with my leg, along with a deep-seated growl. The kind of growl that I knew that only he would feel.

When I did, he didn’t react visibly at first. But, I did see him sweating bullets shortly thereafter.  Knowing him as well as I did, I was satisfied by the sight of him having to force down a wince and a cuss. After the question and answer period was over. I confronted him.

“What the Fuck, Enos?! What’s the meaning of this ‘donate my paycheck’ shit?” I demanded with a really loud ass growl!

“I’m sorry to spring that on you Luke! But it’s strictly for show. Don’t worry about it! You go ahead and donate your paycheck, and I’ll reimburse you the full amount, once your training is over and done with.”

“Yeah, you’d better!” I warned him. “Otherwise,…” I continued, leaving the end hanging while I coughed up some smoke. His already pasty white face got even paler when I did that.

“Hey, come on Luke! Don’t be like that! When was the last time I screwed you over?” He stammered. I opened my mouth to reply, but then he stopped me.

“Don’t answer that!” he interrupted, pointing another finger.

‘Finger Food.’ Was all I could think of then, by way of rebuttal.

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A few hours later, I’m in San Fran Freaking Cisco! The California city renowned for its Fog, Alps, and Gloryholes. What am I doing there? Freezing my godsdamned tail off! That’s what I’m doing! The most annoying part? It’s supposed to Summer here! Mark Twain said it best about the place.

I was at the corner of Geary Boulevard and Webster street, waiting for my contact to take me to the Psychotherapist specialist, of whom I was contracted to begin my ‘training’ with.

Why was I in that spot? That’s the place otherwise known as the San Francisco Peace Plaza, which itself is located in the heart of Zipangu-Town. The Plaza was created as another way to help smooth out some tensions that occurred between the United States, and Zipangu nearly two hundred freaking years ago.

Anus had informed me ahead of time, that my being there in that particular spot, was another ‘make-nice’ gesture on behalf of Moongrim Studios; Designed solely to help head off any potential bad press from that freaking lawsuit. I was told in no uncertain terms that it would be prudent if I got myself noticed by the public during my wait.

Which I did, several times in fact. Within an hour of my arrival, I’d signed several dozen autographs, and posed for a goddess-awful number of group-pictures with a variety of Mamono. Much to my surprise I, discovered that I could also number some honest to goodness Humans amongst my fans. Even so, I was quite relieved when my contact finally showed up.

“Mr. Sharp!” came a loud clear concise voice, from somewhere in the vicinity of my waist. Looking down, I was surprised to see what I took at first glance to be a rather pudgy looking Ratatoskr of all folks. She looked up at me with a slightly buck-toothed grin. I decided right then and there, that she was kinda cute in her chubby way, what with her oversized eyes and almost pure white tummy fur.

“Yes? Are you Ms. Pika?” I asked with a bow, after I remembered my manners.

“Yes, I am Mr. Sharp! It is both a pleasure and an honor to meet you at last!” she replied, grinning back up at me. “If you will follow me, I have a vehicle waiting on standby to take you to our destination.” She replied, bowing back at me with her arm pointed out to a driverless-taxi sitting nearby. Following her, we both got into the taxi, and immediately set out. The taxi making its usual electric hum as it sped up.

“So is this your first visit to San Francisco?” she asked after a bit, looking up at me from my left.

“Nah. I’ve been here before. Long before I got into acting, my family lived in the Presidio Heights for a short spell, over in the low-income housing.” She seemed surprised by that, almost shocked completely into silence. I took pity on her.

“So, where are we headed?” I asked looking out the windows at the buildings. She seemed relieved by the change of subject.

“Are you familiar with Lombard street?”

“Oh wait, isn’t that the crookedest street in the world?” I asked, surprised.

“That’s the one!” she nodded. “That is where you’ll be staying during the bulk of your Sensitivity Training.”

‘What? There? Oh that’s cool!” I replied enthusiastically. “I’ve always wanted to walk down that street!”

“Well, if you perform well in the tasks my Mistress assigns for you, there’s no reason why you won’t be allowed a chance for freedom,” she stumbled for a second, “Ahem!” she coughed for a second, hesitating.

“Excuse me, I meant to say: Free-time!”, she then smiled at me with a grin that seemed a little too forced. I didn’t think much about it at the time. Now, I wish I had. I was about to say something more, but that was when the Taxi made a sharp right turn, and then there we were!

We began slowly weaving back and forth down Lombard street! It was so cool then, I could tell you! There were some nice looking houses on both sides, all of them well maintained. And of course, there were the inevitable tourists. Of which, I had to admit, I was one of them then.

And, before I knew it, nearly all the way down that curvaceous road, the taxi turned into one of the driveways. Right before us, opened up an automatic gate.

As I stepped out of the Taxi, I saw looming over me in the fog, a tall brownstone type of house. For several seconds, all I could do then was stand halfway out the door and stare at it. Then, I noticed the sign that was attached to a corner. It said: “Mamono Sensitivity Training. Dr. Yoritomo”.

“If you’ll follow me, please?” Pika said politely as she carried my luggage, walking with a pronounced waddle. “The taxi needs to go on to its next fare.” She carefully pointed out then. So I closed the door so it could go on its merry way.  After it sped off, the automatic gate closed and then latched itself shut with an audible clanking worthy of an old Addam’s Family episode.

‘Oh, that’s not in the least bit ominous.’ I thought to myself, when I noticed that rather Edwardian style gate and fence, complete with sharpened spear point rails.

After that, it was a quick matter to simply follow Pika inside the joint. I had to admit, it was nice to get out of that freaking freezing fog! Looking around, I couldn’t help but notice that the place was decked out in a Victorian style setting. It had wooden floors with throw rugs, faux-gas lamps, overstuffed chairs and couches, even an authentic fireplace with a fire going! Everything was in its proper place, and the place was spotless!

“My compliments on the maid work!” I replied at one point. “You must have some exceptionally good Kikkimora maids.”

“Oh we don’t employ Kikkimora here, or for that matter Shoggoth either.” Pika replied with an amused smile. “We have a much more eclectic group who perform those tasks.” She finished cryptically as she waddled down a hallway. I followed.

“And here!” she mentioned archly, “Is your room!” she stopped and pointed to one non-descript door at the end of the hallway. There was the number ‘13’ in gold numerals nailed on it.

“Will you be wishing some refreshment before you meet the Doctor?”  Pika asked, still carrying my luggage.

“Ah No!” I replied. “If you don’t mind, I’d much rather go ahead and meet the Doctor in question.”

“Oh that will be no problem at all, Mr. Sharp!” she smiled, as she deposited my luggage in front of my room’s door. “I’ll go ahead and show you to her, and I’ll come back to place your luggage in your room, after.”

“Fair enough.”

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A few minutes later, I’m hanging out in the Doctor’s waiting room. I’ve been told that she’s busy in consultation, and will be available shortly. While I’m waiting, I amble about the room and admire several of the paintings hanging there.

For some reason I find myself fascinated with the biggest one. It was a still-life of a Lord’s brand bag of rice sitting atop of a rickety wooden bridge, with a Hankyu bow and arrow set leaning against it. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was an obvious reference to the “My Lord Bag of Rice” folktale/historical account from Zipangu.

Finally, the door to the Doctor’s office opens, and I’m invited in by a pleasant voice. A voice that almost sounds as if it’s made of silver bells. When I go in, I have to blink my eyes several times to get used to the now low-light conditions inside.

“My apologies for the darkness, Mr. Sharp.” Said the inviting voice. “But you will soon come to understand my reason for it.”

“Uhhh, sure, ok. Whatever!” I replied, squinting my eyes. It was then that I finally began to get used to seeing the inside of the place. The room itself was huge, but rather sparsely furnished. There were just a couple of Victorian style chairs that were set in front of a modern style desk that was set a goodly distance in from the door. But, that desk was also set well forward from the back wall. Why? I had no idea then. But I was soon to find out.

Squinting some more, I soon saw that there was a rather delightful looking lady of Eastern descent, peering back at me from her position of standing behind her desk.

She, was dressed in a severe grey striped business suit. One that almost, but not quite, managed to cover up her rather ample bust. At first glance, I noticed that she had herself a large mass of semi-curly brunette hair, that was tamed with what I thought was a large banana hairclip. She had a triangular face with high cheekbones, and a nice set of square glasses that almost hid her epicanthic fold-eyes. All in all, she was quite the stunner, looks-wise. The only fly in the ointment, were what I initially thought was an external braces-retainer that she wore around her head.

“Allow me to introduce myself,” she began, “I am Kaiya Yoritomo, a Doctor of Psychotherapy, and I bid you welcome, Mr. Sharp!” she smiled momentarily. “Enter freely!” she continued. For some reason, her words sent a thrill up my spine.

“Thank you!” I replied. “So, when do we start the training?” I asked.

“We can do so whenever you wish.” She replied softly. “Would you care to do so,…now?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. I nodded.

“Then it will begin after you close the door behind you.” She said, raising a hand to point at it. I immediately turned around and did as she instructed. But, for some strange reason, just after I finished, I could’ve swore the door locked and latched itself shut.

Hmmph!’ I mentally snorted, as I turned around.

“Why don’t you take a seat over there.” She said, pointing now at one of the overstuffed chairs. I noticed that there was a tea set sitting atop a nightstand, next to the chair.

“Thanks, but I’ll stand.” I replied. “I’ve been sitting too long today, as is.”

“Would you care for some refreshment?” she asked again, now pointing at the tea set. “The tea there, is my own special brand. It is one I’ve formulated to help all of my clients relax.” She then smiled for the first time. It was a nice smile, all of her teeth were white and even. Which seemed awfully odd to me for some reason.

Then it hit me.

‘She doesn’t need braces.’ I realized then nervously. As my eyes widened, they also dilated enough for me to see quite a bit more clearly. Looking at her Braces-Retainer, I realized that it most certainly wasn’t a retainer! No, not at all!

They were maxillipeds!

“Holy Shit!” I yelped, stumbling back a step or three, my eyes now firmly fixed on the Doctor who continued to stare back at me, never once moving from her position of behind her desk.

“My apologies for my deception, Mr. Sharp.” She began then, her silver-bells voice continuing to tingle my ears. “But, in my line of work, it is has proven to be necessary.” She finished softly, looking down.

“Wha,…wha,…!” I began, panting, “What are you!?” I demanded.

“I think that you already know Mr. Sharp, if not than at the very least you suspect it.” She replied, as what I thought had been her banana clip, uncurled itself from the top of her head, and then it stood almost straight up. Looking back at her, I realized what they were, a pair of yellow antenna. They didn’t move then, they just stood languidly up, with a slight curl at their ends.

 ‘Oh crap, crap, crap, crap!’ I thought in fear, when I suddenly found that I couldn’t move any further, as my wings encountered the entrance door.

“You,….you’re a,….” I stared, then gulped, then started again. “You’re one of THEM!” I yelled accusingly, pointing at her.

“Very astute of you, Mr. Sharp.” She smiled, as she bowed then, her antenna bobbing slightly forward when she did. “I am indeed an Oomukade.” She continued, as she finally began to move from out of behind her desk. I noticed fearfully then, that when she moved, she didn’t ‘bob-about’ like any other person who had normal legs do when they walk.

On no! She, sort of undulated instead.

Luckily for my pounding heart, she didn’t move much. Just enough for her to reveal her centipede bottom part. My already wide eyes, just about fell out of their sockets, when she presented herself.

I could see the classic centipede segments standing vertically as they ‘fell’ down from her severe business suit and blouse. They continued down to the floor, and twisted the rest of the way behind her desk. And with every single one of those segments, there were a pair of pointed ‘feet’ sprouting from them. On the ventral surface of those segments, was a fractal like pattern of blue that inspired me to think that they were a sort of tattoo. At least at first. Then, I realized what they actually were: her poison glands.

I then did, what any self-respecting Dragon would do at the sight of our ancient enemy.

I turned tail and ran away!

Or, I tried to that is. Unfortunately, there was a rather annoying door in between me, and my avenue of escape.

open! open! open! open! open! open! open! open! open! open!’ I yelled mentally, while I did my best to make that door do just that. But, it was all in vain, as not only would that door NOT open, it also resisted by best efforts to scratch my way through it. After what seemed like a second or two, but was probably a lot longer, I was left breathless as I stood and stared fearfully at that completely unmarked door.

“Once again I apologize,…” said her voice from behind me then. At the sound of it, I immediately twisted around and spread-eagled my arms, wings, and legs, while I leaned myself up against that damnable and thoroughly impenetrable door!

“But, in my line of work, deception is rather necessary.” She finished. It was then, in between pants, that I finally noticed that she hadn’t moved so much as a centimeter from where’d she been, just a moment ago.

“What do you want?!” I whimpered then, trying to keep my voice level, and failing utterly.

“The same as before, Mr. Sharp. I am here to guide you in your Sensitivity Training, as far as it pertains to understanding Oomukade.” She replied, once more in her velvety smooth voice.

“Just that?” I demanded, looking around the room for another avenue of escape. There weren’t any.

“Just that, I assure you. I will not do anything, that you aren’t ready for. Obviously, we have a long-ways to go before I would consider you ready to return to society.”

“Am I a prisoner?!” I demanded.

“Not at all.” She replied, shaking her head. “You may leave at any time you wish, prior.” She smiled.
“But!” she smiled even further, “if you do choose to leave before your allotted four weeks of Training are over. Then I will have to let the Mukade Anti-Defamation League know of your willful failure. After that, then they’ll undoubtedly proceed with their planned lawsuit.”

‘Ah CRAP!’ I groused, feeling myself wilt.

“Please! Sit down and relax! There will be no harm done to you here, I assure you!” she stated. I then sat down in the proffered chair. “I also offer you some refreshment again Mr. Sharp!” she stated, as she lifted up one of her arms to point at the Tea-set once more.

“Ok, ok!” I sighed, as I reached out to the night stand carefully. All the while I was nervously waiting for the Doctor to make some sudden move. She didn’t.

“I’ll go ahead and drink some of your tea.” I whined. I then poured myself a cup and raised it up to my lips. I almost drank it, when I realized something.

“Hold it!” I exclaimed, as I looked at the Doctor from just over the teacup’s rim. “Did you put any Mickey Finns into this stuff?” I asked.

“Oh come now, Mr. Sharp!” she scoffed, barely holding back a giggle. “It wouldn’t do me much good to try and poison a paying customer.” She replied, demurely hiding that smile behind a hand.

“All right then.” I replied, as I took a sip of the stuff. “Hey! It’s actually pretty good!” I stated honestly then. “It tastes like a blend of peppermint and green oolong!”

“Why thank you, Mr. Sharp.” She simpered then, blushing slightly. “I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. Drink up!” she mildly ordered me. “It will do you a wonder in the relaxation department. Once you have, then we can really begin your training.” Considering her lack of threatening moves up till then, I did as she asked, and guzzled the rest of that cup down.

“How do you feel now?” she asked me politely.

“I’m feeling pretty good, ….now.” I replied, after hesitating for a bit. “Oh wait!” I yawned then. “This stuff must be really powerful,…” I yawned again, “Because I’m really,” I yawned once more, and then froze as the room started to spin around me.

“Oh shit.” I stated as I tried to get to my feet, and failed. Instead, I fell to the floor in a heap. “But you said you didn’t put any Mickey Finns into it!” I wailed.

“I did not specifically say anything about a ‘Mickey Finn’ Mr. Sharp.” She replied. “I only stated that I would not behoove me to poison a customer.” She smiled down at me.

“The chloral hydrate that I brewed your tea with, didn’t come from my poison glands, oh no. It came from a nearby chemical supply store.” She stated as I finally began to pass out.

“And now Mr. Sharp!” The Oomukade stated triumphantly from somewhere out of the darkness that surrounded me.  Turning my eyes, I could see her looming above me as she then stood herself up to her full height.

“I can begin your ‘training’ at last!” was the last I heard before I was gone.

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When I came to, I found myself strapped naked to a large wooden,…something. It or rather I, was propped up in one of the smaller rooms. Looking around the place I saw that it was ‘my room’. As there in front of me was an open door, with the number ‘13’ in metal letters upon its surface.

At first I tried to struggle. But in the end it did me little to no good. As I noted that the ropes I’d been tied down with, were made of Dragon-hemp.

 It took me a bit, but in the end I realized what I’d been tied to: A Saint Andrew’s cross. Well, the Dragon version at least, which had six arms as opposed to the usual four, displayed in an ‘X’ pattern. The extra two arms were for my wings. My tail had been tied up tight, down along the rope that was keeping the ‘Cross’ firmly set backwards to the floor.

I started inhaling to start calling out for help. But before I could do anything that would matter; that was when I heard that damnable Oomukade nearby. I could hear the sound of her claws clittering and klumping her way down the sparsely rug covered wooden floors.

Of course, she couldn’t just walk in a straight line like any normal Mamono, oh no! She had to walk in several curves in a manner similar to a Lamia slither! When she entered the room, every one of her claws tapped a noisy staccato on the bare wooden floor.

“Ah, excellent! You’re awake at last!” she smiled then breathlessly, as she stood just inside the doorway. I noticed by that time, she’d shed every last bit of her clothing, and I had to admit, that her breasts were a glory to behold! Twin mounds of delectable white, that was marred only by a blue-colored fractal pattern across the top.

‘Poison Glands!’ I realized in a rush. As I watched, I could see the blue-ish liquid seeping and moving underneath the surface of her skin. It was almost hypnotic, the way it flowed.

 “What the hell is all this about!?” I demanded, as I started to wiggle again in an effort to get some of my ropes to loosen. As before, it didn’t do me the least bit of good. Damn that Zipangu Shibari!

“Why, my intentions should be obvious Mr. Sharp! I am here to begin your Sensitivity Training- in earnest!” she almost giggled then. She then moved herself to stand behind me where I couldn’t see her. This of course, caused me to gulp in fear.

“What are you doing?” I asked, all nervous. Immediately, I heard her reply.

“What I do naturally.” She breathed, whispering into my scaly ear, and then she started nibbling on it. Which caused me to yelp in fright.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Sharp! I’m not going to eat you! I’m just going to take advantage of you! In particular, those wondrous double dicks of yours!” she cooed then, as she systematically began sucking/kissing me on my ear scales.

She started on my ear, and then spot by spot she continued onwards, working her way down my neck, past my collarbone, and then played with my nipples with her tongue a time or two.

 Every time she did a kiss, I could feel the scratch of her teeth injecting just the smallest drop of her venom into my skin. When she moved on, I could feel every one of those kissed spots, continue to burn with a fierce pleasure as if her lips were still there, suckling away. I felt an ever increasing urge to moan with pleasure then.

I fought it at first, but with the mounting levels of pleasure her kisses winnowed from me, I found that my resolve wavered. It didn’t take long.

“Aaaahh!” I moaned, when I finally lost control. She hesitated for only an instant then, flashing up at me a triumphant smile from the vicinity of my belly-button. Thankfully, she then continued on her way south, down to the my already fully stiffened double-dicks! About the only downside then, were those damnable-antenna of hers softly batting at my skin or scales.

I shuddered with pleasure, once I could feel her breath brazing the skin of my dicks! By that time I was almost putty in her,…hands? Claws? Maxillipeds?

But then, she did something completely out of the ordinary! She then took BOTH of my dicks into her mouth! AT THE SAME TIME!!!

“Holy Shit!” I cried out then in that instant. ‘Surely she’s just putting on a show! She’ll stop any second now, and start gagging. Just wait and see!’ I thought to myself expectantly. But she didn’t stop or pull back, oh no!

Instead, I could feel my dicks being engulfed oh so pleasantly, as she continued to nibble and suck with the occasional sharp tang of her injecting some more of her venom into me. Down she went, a third of my dicks in her maw, then half! Then three quarters, and still she continued relentlessly!

Until finally, she hilted me in her mouth! But even then she didn’t stop! Even as far as she was then, she continued to suckle me until, at the last, she managed to slurp my ballsack into her mouth as well!

Oh Maou! What a unique sensation! Never before in all my time as a Porn-star had I ever had anyone ever do that! It was freaking wonderful! Right in that instant, I could feel the wave of my semen preparing for a Tsunami-like wave in preparation to overload my better judgment!

Then, I opened my mouth then to let out the screaming orgasm that had been building up!

“AAaaaaahhhhhhhhh,…..” I howled in orgasmic splendor.

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“Today on Entertainment News,” the sound of the radio announcer’s voice echoed inside the Driverless-Taxi that had been running at near relativistic speeds down the streets of Los Angeles. Such being the typical California speed limit since the introduction of the wheel.

Amycoida, Luke Sharp’s now ex-girlfriend, had been paying only half a mind to the radio of the vehicle she was riding in. She was on her way home, feeling despondent after an unsuccessful attempt at landing another acting gig. Unfortunately, that bad mood of hers was about to get worse.

“We now have some breaking news concerning the actor- Luke Sharp,” the announcer continued. Suddenly, Amy started paying her full attention when she heard the sound of his name.

“Mr. Sharp, who is currently playing Allen Belushi on the TFT series, Cut and Run; was supposed to be taking Mamono Sensitivity Training for some off-color remarks he made a short while ago. The very same comments that offended many in the Oomukade community, as previously reported by this station.”

“Apparently,” the announcer continued, as Amy hung on his every word. “It has been reported, that his training has been a resounding success!” the announcer gushed enthusiastically. Which made Amy give off a roll of her eyes, as she let out a huff of derision. What the announcer said next, shocked her to her core.

“Enough so, that he has publicly announced his decision to marry the Oomukade Therapist in charge of his training! We’ll have more on this, as further details are released! Back to you Lily!” the announcer continued. But Amy didn’t hear anything further. Instead, all she could do, was crouch down in shock at the news, her mouth agape, with her all of her eyes widening in disbelief.

“Oh shit!” she cried in horrified loss.

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2 thoughts on “Smut and Chum”

  1. It’s been said that Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

    I’ve also heard it said that many a music group considered having one of their songs parodied by Weird Al, meant that they knew they had made it ‘big-time’.
    🙂

  2. Okay so this is a completely new set up I haven’t seen in a while.

    The cutting back from past to present in the beginning threw me off for a bit, but as I read more, and more of your work I quickly got over it, and followed along with relative ease so I can’t deduct points for that…guess you sort of grew on me. I though chemistry between the characters felt so casual, and modern, like a genuine chit-chat with co-workers, and I give you props for keeping that in check despite the obviously supernatural, and mythical presence they all have.

    Like the little nod to yourself right before Adam visits Pettifogger. There are also some fascinating concepts you introduced, clearly indicating not only a different world similar to ours, but at a different time. I really like the three tier system you had for your entertainment videos.

    All this and much more to go through, I’m just scratching the surface, but it goes to show how much love, and thought was put into this. Even the make-up has it’s own shtick, and I guess it can be a little too much to handle at times. It seems like it’s a good chunk explaining how everything runs, with snippets of Adam’s past, and his disposition as a Dragon Incubus. While I feel some of it was unneeded, it didn’t take me out of the experience I had going through this.

    All in all, it was a pleasant read with some witty comments, and some creative ideas. You really let your imagination thrive in this, while making a seemingly casual tale of acting crew, and most importantly, his sensitivity training.

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