A human boy is trapped in his home with a bunch of monster girls camped outside his house trying to get inside. They can’t, so they’re just spending all of their time shitposting on the guy’s forum in a bad attempt to convince him to get outside where they can make him theirs.
— DISCLAIMER! —
THIS IS NOT MY (OTAKUEVANGELIST’s) STORY!
THIS SERIES WAS TAKEN FROM THE ARCHIVES OF 8CHAN, WHERE IT GOES BY THE ORIGINAL TITLE “SHITPOSTING OF THE MAMANOS”, AND ALL CREDIT BELONGS TO THE ANONYMOUS WRITER WHO CREATED IT
Now then, with all that out of the way, please enjoy this wonderful masterpiece!
Shitposting of the Monster Girls
> i found a hol in hoomans house. les pile in dere and fuq him
> lol, gloryhole
> fuck off, mimicfag
> AH SHIT SUM KINDA TRAP YO
> an not da good kind
> That’s called a net you dumbass.
> aw shit son
> doods im super stuck. plz halp. Pull m tail
> lol, lets put stuff inner but
> WOT NO FUCK OFF
> Ugh, for gods sake. AFK.
> HOOMAN FREED ME. TOOK STUFF OUTTA M’BUTT. HE MIEN.
> I’m not yours, I just took pity on you. Now get out.
> FUCK OFF, U JELLYS
> Oh man, they’re camped outside your house too? You’ve got it easy – I’ve got a bunch of them trying to alp me. Dressed me up in a bunch of frilly dresses and stockings. This is stupid.
> i beyt u look gud
> naw man, is all good.
> thats what bois wear now, dumfuq
> wut u got in ur but right now~?
> Right now? There’s this stupid plug they shoved up there. Thanks for reminding me, ugh.
> yo put annuda one up dere
> how big is it
> I need to buy stuff from the store, but the monsters are right outside. Finally managed to get that frilly crap off. How should I do it, guys?
> lol jus jump out
> run 4 it
> leave ur door open, dood
> ill let you eat muh tits
> Guys, I’m starving. This is serious.
> lol, u run outta dix?
> lol, dix
> GUYS, COME ON.
> u no wot is gud? hugz
> yo hugz is best
> hugz suck
> u suck
> cats leave
> Why don’t you all leave my front lawn and stop shitposting on your phones using my wifi?
> lol, he change password. EZ to krak
> oh shit, drgun
> fkin bail
> gold digger incomin
> WHERE IS HE
> lol allcaps dragon
> claws 2 fat 4 keypad
> HOW DARE YOU
> I AM THE GREAT DESTROYER
> THE SHADOW OF CHAOS
> MASTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS
> I AM
> FUCK OFF OLD DRAGONS ARE PRETTIEST
> IM GOING TO KILL YOU ALL
> Please do…
> Yo man, are you still okay?
> Barely. They almost broke down the door last night.
> yo why u lock ur door
> 2 keep u fat ass out
> iz muscle, bitch
> They’ve just been arguing like this all night afterwards. I think they’re mad.
> That’s a good thing.
> why dun u 2 go fuq som
> yeah go be fegs
> alps when
> theys only fegs cause they havent had uz
> alps when
> bet hes like a locksmith
> u wish
> alps when
> alps never
> Maybe I can try drawing them off somewhere with bait or something.
> cum out chu window
> Dude, no
> HEY I’M DESPERATE HERE!
> dood do it
> ya do it
> u fukkrs move. want it
> Oh jeez, they’re up in a frenzy now.
> If you open your window they’re gonna rip your dick off.
> They gonna do that if I don’t.
> Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
> You still have your dick?
> There was a fucking frog girl down there. I think I just had projectile fellatio.
> u luv it
> yo hooman
> wats ur fav flavor?
> ya girl. which 1 u like
> I’m not allowed to say ‘human’ am I?
> I figured… Um, I dunno. Whatever’s closest to human?
> yo zombies win
> unded r shit tier
> wights tho
> wights tho
> wight is samefagging
> he means most 2 human but not hueman
> …leik mimic?
> mimic is all, dumbass
> Nya, he means Neko is the best~!
> cats leave
> Oh, don’t mind me I’m just lyin’ around~!
> CATS LEAVE
> I’ll have to agree if she keeps making puns.
> wans mebe?
> yo hooman, wans?
> You mean dog-girls? I guess they’re okay.
> hes probably got wan toys
> Ah AH! He likes dogs! Master!
> throw stik, get rid of dog
> MASTERTHREWMEASTICK! THIS IS THE BEST
> lol she thinks it waz hooman
> dumb dog
> Hora Hora~
> snektits incoming
> sneks r shit
> Lamias? Oh, that’s cool. I like snakes.
> So have they alped that one guy yet or what?
> I’m still straight!
> Heh, not exactly what he asked.
> oh ya hes totes an alp now
> u gais dont even know
> his but 2 die 4
> Well that settles it.
> Dude, fuck off. I’m not alped, they just stuck me in some stupid dresses. I’ve still got my dick.
> I want alps to leave
> succubtt detected
> BETTERN N ALP FUCKR
> u lie alps r best
> Can we stop talking about this?
> About you alping?
> Says the snakefucker.
> They’ve only got one hole, maybe it’s easier for him to figure the sex out.
> I figure you’re an asshole.
> finger hs asshole
> alps leave
> I think we should focus on trying to get these monsters away from our houses.
> y? so u can have all the dik, alpboy?
> some1 say alp dick
> lol how even
> gaiz Im stuck on the roof
> They don’t seem all that coordinated so maybe we can trick them.
> You’re talking in pub, dumbass. Send a private.
> y u no reply to my pms?
> Hehe, PMS.
> You’re as bad as them.
> ye bad boi
> LOVE BAD BOY
> im stuck on the roof. plz help
> bad boy best hsubando
> y so quiet
> they pming each otha
> I wsh they pm me
> I gotta pic of one. hes bendin ova
> aw yis
> y pants???
> post more pics
> yo hooman, y pants?
> hooman y pants
> Why not.
> the butt
> show uz ur abs
> wanna suk on dem
> GAIZ, ONE OF THEM CAME UP TO ROOF WITH ME
> Oh shit, there was one up there!?
> go harpy go
> gIT WAY FROM HUSBAND
> lol she flappin
> ah shit, they go
> Christ, the harpy got him?
> Fuck, man. Now there’s just the two of us left until the rest come on.
> romanz him
> WHAT FUK NO
> The hell was that?
> I’m not alping.
> Shut up.
> yo whens dik tho
> [ user has entered the room ]
> Yo nerds, what up?
> u nrd
> dik or gtfo
> Woah, what’s with the illiteracy?
> Monster girls.
> Ah… wait, how does that work?
> Big. Meaty. Paws.
> crab fuckr
> I-I thoguht he liked snaks
> I lik snacks
> want fat boi
> fat goes t tits. flatties no undrstnd
> hapry’s npt here 2 be offneded
> Heh, you guys are fucked then. Must suck to be a dude.
> They can still monsterize you, y’know? You should probably barricade yourself.
> barricayde yor dik in me
> Yeah, I did it too late and I’m paying the price.
> Mm, he’s alping.
> FUCK OFF I’M NOT.
> but dik tho
> Why don’t you guys just call the cops or something?
> I did. That’s how we ended up with the succubi in police outfits. They keep throwing up the horns at me.
> lov bad boi
> yo, u like handcuffs?
> cum ride wit me
> I swear I can hear someone in that car’s trunk…
> Come on dude, they’re thinking, sentient creatures. Surely you can reason
> They’re shitposters.
> with them and
> Oh okay, fair point. Nevermind.
> my hooman best hooman~
> harpy leave
> hapry how iz happinez?
> IS BEST. Gonna lay eeg~!
> wans barking up er tree
> kek, she flappin
> U GAiz SUk
> thrw a stik at hr
> kek wans chasing
> Mmn, I need new clothes. They don’t fit around my t
> Your what?
> Typo. They’re big on my tits.
> fattie detected
> Wow, they’re rude.
> Bullshit. You were going to say tail.
> Whaaat? No, don’t be ridiculous. BTW, are we still on for today?
> human/human so vanilla
> worst pairng
> RedditcuckS REEEEEEEEEEEE
> You seriously think I can go outside like this?
> Oh I can come to you.
> Yeeaaah no. You’re being super suspicious right now.
> ye fuk hr
> no don fuk her
> but fuk her tho
> buttfuk her
> Dude, you’re crazy. Just let me in when I text you, it’ll be fine.
> Just go to his house instead.
> Pft, with an alp? What’s the point?
> I’M NOT FUCKING ALPING
> alp 4 me boi~
> Come ooon, when have I ever lied to you before~?
> Much like a bad infomercial, I’m not buying it.
> Heh, dude whatever. Your loss. Lemme know when you change your mind.
> husbando so smrt~
> best husband
> vanilla fuk off
> let me coooil u up~
> bet hs dik so big
> show us big dik
> ya do eet
> hrt go dokidoki 4 husband
> Fuck, now there’s more.
> Anytime man, I can make it all go away~
> Admin: Ok screennames are back up.
> Youkoban: Cool. You free now to hang out?
> Admin: Again, no.
> Alppenheimer: Good to know.
> Alppenheimer: WHO THE FUCK CHANGED MY NAME?
> Admin: Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You can change it later on today.
> Alppenheimer: I’ll change it the second I’m able, bastard.
> yo no namz ere?
> cant mak account
> Admin: Yeah, I decided to freeze all new accounts for a while. The last thing I need are mamanos with privileges.
> so meen!
> yea be meen, bad boi~
> cum party wit uz
> chnge ur name 2 bad boy
> Admin: No.
> be feg wit me
> open ur dor feg
> adminishrtate muh womb
> Admin: You girls really have nothing better to do, do you?
> we cud be doin u
> fuk dors
> snek is stuk in drainpip
> Admin: I know, I can hear her rattling around just outside.
> wans bak
> Admin: I didn’t throw that.
> Admin: I don’t care.
> she cryn
> so meen
> thrw hr a bone
> Admin: She looks fine to me.
> stup wackn me wit ur fukin tail
> Youkoban: I don’t have tails.
> not u vanills
> wan needs wid berth
> i want give wide bith 4 meen boy
> inaris fuk off
> yo turn ur springklrs on. 2hot
> mermalade dryin out
> Admin: Not a bad idea. One second.
> YO WUT
> water in mbut
> lol wans goin nuts
> cats stuk in tre
> admin mermfuckr
> i hope so~
> i herd he wz crabfuckr??
> cancer iz cancer, leave
> i lay my egz 4 u!
> he turnd sprinklr on agin
> SpecialKNight: Greetings brothers. Doth thine eyes witness the plague most feminine?
> Alppenheimer: Larper’s online.
> SpecialKNight: ‘Tis not all I am.
> Youkoban: I think he has some automated thing that converts certain words and he just ran with it.
> il tayk u nite
> sfun wen they rsist
> badmin stil best hsband
> il slip m tentcls in ur armr, boi
> im in hs car
> smels lik man~
> Admin: Yo Special, you better barricade your home quick. These girls will even go for your virgin ass.
> Alppenheimer: Literally…
> Youkoban: Ooh. Tell me more, tell more more; did you put up a fight~?
> Alppenheimer: Fuck off, greased lightning.
> Youkoban: I’ll take $200 for ‘The two words most accurate to describe a dick going inside Alppenheimer’
> yo thers an ideya
> go lube the skank up wit greese n’ send hr in agan
> u men snek?
> thas wt I sed
> SpecialKNight: Regardless, you shan’t fear, mine compatriots, for mine fortress is impregnable.
> shit teer fort bro
> preggers fort
> dus that meen he cums in th wals?
> how els he no dat?
> cum on me 2,nite
> SpecialKNight: They are even more horrifying than I could have imagined.
> Admin: I dunno, they’re growing on me in a stupid kind of way.
> Alppenheimer: Woah, are you watching the news?
> Youkoban: I’m surprised they’re still running.
> whos runnng
> wans excite agan
> Youkoban: Yeah, I don’t doubt that.
> Admin: Zombies officially better at disrupting communications than mamanos.
> badmin liks zombs confrm. othr grls laeve
> zombs r mamanos
> unded still shit
> u liyk cold turky admn?
> Admin: Not as such, but all you’re acting like a zombie horde right now. ‘Cept you eat my bandwidth.
> il et ur bandgurth
> hord ur dik in me
> hw thicc is ur bands wdth?
> i men ur dick
> hs nrt rplyn
> alp waz he lik?
> Alppenheimer: Well I think I saw it once in the gym lockers, very briefly. It’s not that thick but I think it was kinda
> Alppenheimer: ANYWAY, yeah the TV is still up. Aside from some programs running some suspiciously direct content about how monstergirls like everyone’s lives better, there’s still some vestiges of human news running. They just showed live footage of this reporter guy on a boat talking about the lilim when this stacked sharkgirl jumps up and drags him overboard
> Admin: That’s pretty metal.
> alp keep talkin bout his dik
> do it
> SpecialKNight: A terrible way to be dishonored. Pour thine beverages out for the fallen.
> Admin: If we do that I’ll run out of what little shit I have left. Last guy that ran for supplies got plucked by a harpy.
> jelly 4 shurk n hsnbnd
> gon g 2 seesyde 4 hsbnd nao
> addmin, opn wiindow
> les reemak dat on laend
> Admin: Out the window? If I wanted a broken neck I’d go larping with part of a complete breakfast over there.
> SpecialKNight: We have since ceased utilizing recreation weaponry and have converted our armories to crafts from the ‘nerf’ guild. The constabulary no longer interfere with our questing.
> Admin: You might want to bring them back our again. The new cops will stick your foam bats where the sun don’t shine.
> wee gt a trampolyn 4 u badmington
> ye, now opn ur windw
> fuk shs hoggin et
> only traamps on trampline
> FUK SPRINKLRS
> Admin: Vamanos, mamanos.
> Admin: Yo Alppenheimer.
> Alppenheimer: I’m still waiting to be able to change that. Hows that going by the way!?!!?
> Admin: Dunno, hows the alping?
> Alppenheimer: Not alping.
> Admin: Lets test that. If I said I was going to send you nudes, what would your reaction be?
> fuk teesing alp – mannoods on da waye
> dood im nood 4 u
> take noods nd share
> wana see futur husbnd dik
> do it feg
> stond by windw whn do et
> Youkoban: Yeah, if you’re taking nudes just post them on pub. It’s fine.
> Admin: Yeah, no. I already have sprinklers; I don’t need another way to get my lawn wet.
> slim alredy wet
> slym alwasys wet
> slime al
> lol, slime just et her phne
> Youkoban: See? Come on dude. Noone’s against it. What, are you just small or something?
> NO HE BG
> husbnd soopr big
> vanila fuk of
> Admin: As much as I appreciate the sudden interest you’re taking in my body, Youko, I think I’ll pass on the whole thing.
> Alppenheimer: Dammit Youko…
> e gettin dere
> Admin: Dude.
> Alppenheimer: I MEANT GODDAMMIT AS IN STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS. ITS THE LAG I
> Alppenheimer: II DON’T WANT YOUR NUDES. I NEVER DID.
> so noods wen?
> Admin: The hell was that noise?
> Youkoban: Text-only, dumbass.
> SpecialKNight: Has the horde breached thy domicile?
> Admin: No, but they’re trying. I think they’re using a golem as a battering ram.
> we gon git uuuu
> ye we gon fuk ur brans ut
> oww! gais stop
> yse her hed!
> Alppenheimer: That’s one hard head.
> Alppenheimer: N-Not that I’m interested in head, o-or being hard…
> ye we git it
> cum hel pus brek dor, alp
> weel giv u leftova
> Alppenheimer: G-Gross
> SpecialKNight: Chaste administrator, you must act quickly if you are to maintain your defenses! Doth thou possess any mounted weapons?
> il maunt ur wepon
> Admin: Sorry, but my realtor didn’t show me any houses with turrets.
> SpecialKNight: An oversight, I’m sure. Never fear, for I refer to more manageable weapons; scalding oil and such.
> NITE NO
> iv had wurse
> Admin: Uh, I don’t know. That sounds kind of… murdery? I don’t want to hurt any of them.
> bad boi iz nise?
> is he evn bayd!?
> iv bin lied 2 he perf
> Admin: Ok, I’m willing to hurt them a little.
> SpecialKNight: If your premises lack oil, water may suffice.
> Admin: Right, right. Hot water should be good enough. I think I have a hose around here…
> thers hoes rite here!
> il bet u doo~
> yeye stik ur hoase out
> il gag on ur hoas
> Youkoban: Or you could try wax, I have some, I could bring it over and use it on you.
> Youkoban: Your problems. The monsters. Them.
> Alppenheimer: Subtle.
> Youkoban: Oh as if you can talk.
> Admin: …Knight.
> SpecialKNight: Have you triumphed, comrade?
> Admin: Um, no. It turns out hoses aren’t great for transporting scalding water… but they do make great ropes in a pinch.
> SpecialKNight: Oh.
> Youkoban: They got in!?
> Admin: No… but they’re rubbing their bare breasts on my window at least.
> open da wind!
> u leik dis~?
> look tiddes!
> Admin: Luckily I’ve got the thing itself jammed.
> ill jam ur dik in muh windw
> aw ye, tuch em
> tuch mbobs
> fuk glas
> shiz i fel off
> Youkoban: Woah man, that sounds bad. I should reaaally come help you out~
> Admin: Maybe. I mean you don’t have breasts big enough to rub on the window anyway.
> Youkoban: UH SAYE HWAT AGIN?
> Admin: Breaking your facade a bit there, honey.
> Youkoban: No, no, I just fell on my keyboard! That’s all~!
> SpecialKNight: They art among us.
> Admin: Oh shit, the slimegirl is definitely trying to break the hose. This thing is ballooning up fast!
> Alppenheimer: Quick, try squeezing it to force her back down!
> lik a revers peenjob!!
> yeye! sav him frum hores!
> gud think ap!
> Alppenheimer: T-That’s not what I was imagining, girls.
> she nut ur wife yut, admun
> iz his hos as big as dis?
> I hop su~
> alp sev him!
> sev him 4 reast of uz
> u can hav leftovr cum
> Alppenheimer: STOP TRYING TO BRIBE ME WITH THAT.
> firs cum?
> oh he thikn~
> Alppenheimer: No! I was just drinking, t-that’s all.
> mons on grund luv u mor
> not gon brek in
> ye we NOT butches
> lol u jus jell u caynt clim~
> plz invit in
> we luv u
> Admin: I appreciate the thought but
> Youkoban: Evidently not enough to finish said thought.
> Admin: Y’know… Come to think of it, I always did love a polite girl~
> Youkoban: What…
> Alppenheimer: W-What?
> SpecialKNight: What did’st thou sayeth?
> nunu, we nis!
> ye, see nic tits?
> soooo nise
> Admin: I think I might be falling for that one girl on my lawn. You know who you are.
> Admin blows a kiss’
> IZ ME
> FUK NO IZ M
> Alppenheimer: What are you doing, man!? Don’t lead them on, you fucking jerk.
> man scrw dis wind, lawnz whr iz at
> iim climin dwn admin i luv u
> Admin: Oh… W-Wow, you’re all so thoughtful I just
> Admin: HAHA PSYCHE, FUCKERS!
> oh he tuk hos up
> Alppenheimer: Oh good, you were kidding. Nice one~
> Youkoban: Dude, that was mean, even for you.
> SpecialKNight: A mastercraft of deception, sir. I tip my hat.
> Youkoban: *fedora
> SpecialKNight: Silence, knave.
> i shud be mayd…
> but ize 2 horny
> im gon uze his knob 4 now
> Admin: Heh, I bet you’d like to but how are you gonna manage
> Admin: Oh god… you meant doorknob.
> told u
> fuck dors~
> Youkoban: …Sooo, not that listening to you dorks whine about all the – hm, let’s call it supposedly corrupting and forced sex that all the chicks on your lawns are so generously offering – isn’t fascinating, but do we have an actual idea for how to get rid of the squatters?
> wre nt squattin
> we’r jus prematurly movin in wt ur hubsnd
> my hsband
> no myne
> SpecialKNight: As a member of thy aforementioned cabal of corruption, wherefore wouldst thou wanteth to be rid of them?
> Alppenheimer: Wanteth? That’s fake.
> SpecialKNight: Tis not. My translator is-
> SpecialKNight: I mean…eth that mine speech is perfect!
> im innta it
> i herd dragun was pervin on nite
> SpecialKNight: That is… most concerning.
> gud luk wit dat
> Youkoban: Look Sir Lamesalot, Admin’s my… uh, friend?
> Admin shrugs
> Admin: Sure.
> Youkoban: So if he can’t step five feet outside of his house without drowning in unwanted pussy, it’s my problem too.
> Alppenheimer: And this has nothing to do with you wanting him for yourself?
> Youkoban: No more than you.
> Alppenheimer: …Riiiight. Yes, no more than I.
> Admin: Well, given that Knight’s plan almost gave me a lava lamp for a wife, I think I’ll be ignoring him from now on. Any ideas from you two?
> Alppenheimer: …Hm, monstergirls stick to single men, don’t they? So they must have some sense of fair play to stay away from men who already have a mamano wife.
> Admin: True, they seem fairly cordial. The succubi might be a little on the fence about that though.
> hay admn
> llok howe far i can teket
> ye all de way oup dere!
> ooh, iz colrd
> Admin: …Make that a LOT on the fence. Yeesh, I’ll spray… burn that later.
> Admin: Anyway, why?
> Alppenheimer: Weeell, hypothetically, if you were to be ‘already taken’
> Alppenheimer: a-as it were
> Alppenheimer: Then they’d stop blockading your property and move on, right?
> Admin: …That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard of.
> he pickn 1?
> oh yus
> ugh wet duge
> Youkoban: Ho-HOO! Good thinking, alpie! Always knew that boy had more brains than balls.
> Youkoban: Now, somewhat literally~
> Youkoban: Alrighty admin, I’m waiting.
> Admin: For what?
> Youkoban: ‘Heimer’s plan, silly. Heck, I’m already on my way to monsterizing – got some big ol’ fluffy tails just for you babe!
> Admin: Oh no, you kept it so well hidden.
> no she ddnt
> admns a dumbass
> i luv ur dum ass!
> Admin: Ignoring that…
> Youkoban: Look, just confess your undying love to me and you’ll be set. Maybe unlock the door, lemme in for a little love makin’, one thing leads to another and BAM – mamanos are off your lawn and you’re scott-free!
> no don!
> vanisl a trikky bittch
> Admin: I doubt any of the girls out the front are named ‘scott’
> iye am
> Admin: …
> Youkoban: …
> can iye be ur wif~?
> Admin: …Ahem, anyway.
> Admin: Is there any reason why the heck I should settle for you over one of them?
> Admin: Far as I can tell, you’re no different than the girls out there.
> Youkoban: Well, I
> Youkoban: Woah, woah- settle!?
> ya, settl
> ur belowe hm
> lik ur a barrn land
> nt evn wurth stickin a pol in
> Youkoban: WOAHT!? Barrun?! Btich, im FURTLE!
> Admin: And clearly not a valid option.
> u tell it gurl
> so shs allarun?
> r u blind, read er nam
> u koban
> wats a koban?
> fuk if I nowe. i cant red this stoopid encylops-pedyia
> dum syclops shudnt rite wt only wun ey
> Alppenheimer: I totally agree, she’s a completely unacceptable woman for you, admin.
> Youkoban: Ill shw u unnacccpetble…
> Alppenheimer: Clearly, I should be the one to do it.
> Admin: Ok.
> Admin: Wait what
> Alppenheimer: Uh…
> Alppenheimer: W-Well- I mean, I came up with the idea so should take responsib
> Alppenheimer: L-Look, you know I’m not alping, right? But the mamanos believe I am.
> cuz u r
> iz fin, i alpd. diks reel gud, ull see
> Alppenheimer: Stop.
> cum outsid ur hom, weel milk ya n show u
> mm, gt th dild!
> this 1?
> nu the squrnty une
> weel all shre ur shemen til it runz out
> Alppenheimer: AIH!
> Alppenheimer: A-Anyway, that proves my point. They’ll believe the two of us are husband and wife easily. There’s no threat if he confesses to me.
> thers a thret to uz!
> alpz a trikkier fuck!
> gud dmn femboiz ruinin evrythin
> yo, admeeanie, if u lik dix, I gut one!
> futas leve
> Admin: …Temporarily, right?
> Youkoban: You can’t be serious!?
> Alppenheimer: Heh, give it up Youko.
> Youkoban: NO IL BREK INT UR HUSE FURST!
> Admin: Ugh, so much for subtlety. Explain it further, alpie-boy.
> Alppenheimer: Hehee~ So, we might have to play it up for a little while if we do this. Enough to be convincing to the mamanos. What’s convincing to you girls?
> cum in er
> kiss d dik
> wrap hz dik in ur tail
> merg flesh
> lay eg
> stil ur tentcls in his but
> lite petting
> sit un hm
> temt wth swet smel
> hevy petting
> tast da beef!
> Alppenheimer: …See? Plenty of options.
> Admin: Nooo thanks.
> grate pik mye nao
> Alppenheimer: Ahh come on admin. You can trust me; we know each other better than anyone!
> Admin: Didn’t we meet like a few months ago?
> Alppenheimer: Which is exactly WHY I’d never alp for you. Alping’s something close friends do; we’re practically strangers!
> Admin: I’m not really sure if
> Admin: Wait, didn’t you just say we were close
> Alppenheimer: Aw, you really think so~?
> SpecialKNight: And thou thought my tactics were faulty. Pah.
> i lik ur tacts nite
> drp ur drawbrig in m’snach!
> pownd m’gatez wt ur ram
> ramz r hot, baa
> shep leave
> Admin: Look, forget it.
> Alppenheimer: Look, just think it over. Would it really be so bad if t-the two of us were to
> Admin: Yes, yes it would be so bad. Alp alpity alp alp.
> Alppenheimer: You know what!? Maybe I WILL go out there and grab a wife!
> Alppenheimer: YEAH! Cause I’m not alping, cause I’ll be a HUSBAND!
> Alppenheimer: W-We’ll see who’s more straight then, j-jerk.
> Alppenheimer has left the room.
> get th dressz
> nu, get d cupz
> semin prty at applenhamr huse!
> Admin: …Anyone wanna take bets on how long before he jumps back in?
> SpecialKNight: Five minutes.
> Youkoban: Two.
> Admin: I’ll be nice and say ten.
> Admin: So K, any new ideas?
> SpecialKNight: Well, if we were to construct a giant wooden woman, large enough to hide inside
> Admin: Ugh…
> Youkoban: Sounds like a big girl.
> SpecialKNight: For you.
> Admin has temporarily silenced users: Youkoban, SpecialKNight.
> Admin: Take those masks off and it will be extremely painful.
> Admin: Dammit, now I’m doing it.
OKAY, whugh~ this thing took longer than I thought. Drew admin with hair like five times before I finally got something half-way decent. Was deciding between this and Saitama-style baldie for a while though. Also tried colouring but was way too much work and wasn’t turning out that good anyway. Still, hope this sketch is a fun extra.
> SpecialKNight: Compatriots, I know the situation appears grim, but that is no reason to lose heart.
> SpecialKNight: Or to ignore me and play videogames.
> Youkoban: You’re just jelly ‘cuz you suck at this one.
> SpecialKNight: I refine my skill with martial combat, not the single-shot chaos of firearms, Youko.
> Youkoban: Uh, so do I. Melee knife kills are rad.
> SpecialKNight: THAT WAS YOU KNIFING PEOPLE!?
> Youkoban: Nya-ha~
> Admin: He does have a point though. All the plans to get rid of the mamanos have failed so far, but there’s only so long we can hide out before we either run out of supplies or they force their way in.
> weel git in eventlly
> ya were gon get insid u
> wait das rong. Dey get in uz
> i duno. muh tents r lubed up 4 admin~
> Admin: …Okay, we REALLY need to figure a way out of this.
> nono admn, it ffeels supr gud!
> weel staert wit 1 and goe frum dere
> Admin: How… thoughtful.
> Youkoban: Primo-wife material is still up for grabs, boys. Promise I’ll treat you right~
> SpecialKNight: Surrender is for the weak.
> Youkoban: Oh you’ll be weak at the knees when I’m done with you, honey.
> DAZ OUR TING
> Youkoban: Account privilege, sluts~! Nya-ha~
> fuk u
> im nt a slt…
> Admin: That kraken girl is starting to figure out how to climb.
> unleysh th craken!!
> in ur but
> Admin: I need a bigger lock on this window.
> unlok ur cock
> leyt it rour
> hay gaiz i mayde dis
> Anon-29 has linked ‘Touch Fluffy Tail, Mamano Remix – 24 hours’
> Admin: Oh god, they’re making videos now.
> Admin: If they figure out memes, the planet is doomed.
> SpecialKNight: FJIOSADJFSIOO
> Youkoban: Woah, did K get his finger caught in a gauntlet again?
> Admin: I’m not driving him to the hospital this time. He can lop it off.
> SpecialKNight: A HEAD.
> Youkoban: Eh?
> SpecialKNight: THERE IS A HEAD HERE.
> she thre it
> nic shot
> Admin: Youko, if you make a joke about K finally getting head, I’m banning you
> Youkoban: Oh, so you finally got some
> Youkoban: …
> Youkoban: Goddammit.
> he finaly got hed lol
>Admin has banned Anon-34
> e warnd u
> can wi giv u hed, admn?
> Admin: No.
> kk gotchya
> jus a hndjob
> Admin: No handjobs either.
> wat bout tentacol-job?
> Admin: N-
> Admin: …Okay I’ll admit, I’m morbidly curious, but still no.
> Youkoban: So hows your, uh, ‘head’ situation going, dude?
> SpecialKNight: I… I believe it to be some manner of mamano, capable of detaching its own mortal body.
> SpecialKNight: A what?
> borin nitey wimmins
> sooo mor borin then meee~!
> titz in armur. wuz da poind?
> soopr tuff tho
> not zo mutch outta et but
> SpecialKNight: I see… so she is harmless like this?
> ya shur
> yep, dey dont get soopr horni liyk dat. nut at aoull
> SpecialKNight: Hmph, then you shall be the first demon I banish from mine domain!
> SpecialKNight: HAVE AT THEE, HEAD!
> no bulli hed!
> Youkoban: Oh no, he’s going to lightly annoy her with foam weapons.
> Youkoban: How terrifying – if she were made of cardboard.
> Admin: You have clearly never been on the receiving end of a drunken larper’s blade.
> Admin: Foam should not be capable of such bloodshed.
> SpecialKNight: …
> Youkoban: So, valiant crusader, how went the fight?
> SpecialKNight: She proved far more… mobile than I expected.
> SpecialKNight: And very capable with her…
> SpecialKNight: t-tongue.
> Youkoban: …
> Admin: …
> tht explans y hr bod is fingrn hrself
> lol, if u slap er tits, u can here hr squel
> no bulllliy hed!!
> hw r u typin dul?
> Admin: Wait, how capable are we talking here?
> SpecialKNight: I typed this with my tongue~
> SpecialKNight: NO!
> Admin: Wow. Get her a cherry stem next.
> duz dat meen he takn?
> nah. needz boody for marrige
> n’ body too
> kek, no azz dulla
> Admin: Sounds like you’re safe for the minute, Knight. Enjoy the fellatio, I guess.
> SpecialKNight: DEMON, STAY BACK FMR
> SpecialKNight: safkaof’,l,////////
> daz a gud succ
> Admin: Yeah, no kidding.
> Youkoban: Hey. Hey admin.
> Admin: I swear to the very-possible mamano god, Youko…
> Youkoban: HE GOT HEAD FROM A HEAD! BWAHAHAHA~
> Admin has temporarily silenced users: Youkoban.
> Admin: Alright, I’m back. Food and barricades took longer than anticipated.
> Youkoban: Welcome back, honey.
> Youkoban: Say, I’d been meaning to ask: what does a barricade do against slime girls or the like? Surely they’d slip through.
> Admin: I’ve got sealant on the windows, and stuffed towels under the doors. Turns out they don’t like drying out.
> wez got 2 stey wet
> wet 4 u
> Admin: I hope those sprinklers haven’t been giving them the wrong idea…
> Youkoban: Well you’ve been missing the lovely conversation I’ve been having with our dullahan friend.
> Admin: Still have no idea how she’s typing with just her tongue.
> SpecialKNight: Iotrs hARDFghj
> SpecialKNight: Cease your typing, detachable wench!
> oi daz ur wif
> be nic
> be nighty
> SpecialKNight: I shan’t recognize her as such!
> giv im tyme
> corrupshun tayks a bt
> SpecialKNight: Nopt thew way iom onn im~
> SpecialKNight: Cease utilizing thine body to restrain me! THIS IS UNFAIR.
> Youkoban: Get a room, you three.
> SpecialKNight: Three?
> Youkoban: You, the head, and the bod.
> Youkoban: Ain’t all that common when a couple can manage a threesome by themselves. You should enjoy it.
> ud be surpized
> Youkoban: Oh?
> ya, sum girs iz crazze
> slims hav infenity-sum
> cuz th dik splitz uz
> oh, n mimikz
> Youkoban: Pfft, you can’t fuck a box.
> Youkoban: Get out. They can fix in that?
> anee. hole.
> mmimc sex shop, gurl
> sfuckin cray cray
> su many playcez
> Admin: Moving away from that, so the body made it inside after all?
> Youkoban: No, K’s just pulling a very convincing one-man show.
> SpecialKNight: ‘Tis ill tidings – and most disturbing to see her reattach it. Ugh.
> oh, zombs. he dun lik reattchin
> fuk. that wz mah gig
> mebe admn like it?
> Admin: No. I’ll throw up.
> wth ur dik~?
> Admin: What!?
> lol duno~
> SpecialKNight: Such shame. To have been taken captive in mine own domicile.
> Youkoban: A captive of the puss.
> SpecialKNight: Falsehood!
> Youkoban: Oh, my apologies.
> Youkoban: Of the succ then~
> SpecialKNight: Rrng…
> Admin: Okay, to make this easier, I’ll give our headless, horseless woman her own account. Or a name at least.
> Admin has sent a PM to SpecialKNight
> nnnuuuu luky!
> wifs get namexz!?
> want 2 be wyfe MOER DAN EVAH!
> Youkoban: Hehe, you may regret this, darling. So what’d you call her?
> HeadNShoulders has joined.
> Youkoban: BWHAHAHA!
> Admin: Easily amused, I see.
> Admin: I think I just heard something downstairs.
> Admin: …No?
> iz nothn
> go bak 2 admnning
> Admin: …brb
> nuuuuu, ignor!
> Youkoban: Admin, you better not come back with a wife. I swear to the fallen god…
> SpecialKNight: Already with the heresy.
> HeadNShoulders: Honey, come to bed~
> SpecialKNight: I shan’t. There are wrongs to be righted!
> HeadNShoulders: I’m wearing your platemail~
> HeadNShoulders: Well… some of it
> > HeadNShoulders winks.
> SpecialKNight: …Um-
> Youkoban: Heh, and I’m the heretic. Sure.
> Admin: Well, good news. No wife.
> Youkoban: Yay!
> SpecialKNight: Exceptional!
> HeadNShoulders: Happy for you. Husband, celebrate his survival with me~
> Admin: Bad news, its a child.
> Youkoban: WHAT!?
> HeadNShoulders: So fast!? Darling, we need to catch up! HOLD THIS!
> SpecialKNight: DON’T THROW YOUR HEAD AT ME!
> HeadNShoulders: sduury I…/ io ghety excviterdf whjn itsh offg!
> SpecialKNight: …
> Admin: Dude, no. It’s corrupting y-
> SpecialKNight: SHE LOOKS LIKE A HOT WARRIOR ELF.
> SpecialKNight: IN ARMOUR.
> SpecialKNight: I’M ONLY HUMAN.
> SpecialKNight is AFK
> HeadNShoulders is AFK
> Admin: …Aaanyway, there was this weird clay jar sitting next to a broken window in the middle of a room.
> Admin: A giant clay jar.
> Admin: Not the greatest disguise.
> Admin: Anyway, smacked the shit out of it with a hammer and suddenly this little brown girl pops out and starts crying.
> Admin: Make that crying – and shitposting.
> meen to gin
> Admin: Hey, I’d never be mean to a bottle of gin.
> HeadNShoulders: I think they meant a ‘Jinn’. A Jinn of the Jar.
> Youkoban: Oh, you’re back. How was it~?
> HeadNShoulders: Everything tastes like metal.
> Youkoban: Kinky.
> Admin: Wait, as in… genie? Fuck YES – three wishes!
> Youkoban: Knowing mamanos, they’re probably only valid for ‘fuck me’, ‘fuck me’, and ‘fuck me’.
> Admin: HEY! She’s a little girl. Sex-crazy mamanos aren’t children!
> shud we tel him?
> Admin: Tell me what?
> …nah, let im dreem
> Admin: ?
> HeadNShoulders: Actually, without her jar she’s completely deprived of magic. Little more than a child.
> Admin: Well shit, that seems weak.
> HeadNShoulders: Most humans would never consider the possibility of striking such a poor, innocent chi-
> Admin: I am not most people. Shit kids gtfo.
> Admin: Maybe I can tear the wood down and throw her back out the window…
> Admin: HEY! Stop hiding in pots!
> ey nau
> ur n alstar
> git ur dik on
> git laaaid
> Youkoban: Back.
> Admin: Make it stop.
> Youkoban: Eh?
> ay nao
> yur a roksta
> git ur gam on
> get laaaid
> Admin: They found smash mouth. They’re serenading me.
> aaal dat glittrs iz cum
> onlee shootn stahs brek da moold
> Youkoban: Ahh. So planet’s doomed then?
> Admin: We had a good run.
> Admin: AH, THF UKC!?
> Youkoban: Aha, admin was a mamano the whole time!
> wot a tweest
> Admin: Shut your multiple holes. It’s hard to type when you have a fucking arrow in your arm.
> Youkoban: An ar
> Youkoban: What?
> Admin: Yeah, arrows. I guess they’re trying to kill me now.
> wed neva
> altho rope arow s’not bad idya
> Admin: Knight, did you arm the mamanos?
> SpecialKNight: To befoul my good name with such accusations. Of course not!
> Admin: Hmph, yeah… I doubt you carry heart-shaped arrows anyway.
> HeadNShoulders: WAIT. Did you say ‘heart-shaped’!?
> Admin: I dunno. Could be upside-down spade, come to think of it. It’s gold in any case.
> IT BEEGINZ
> Admin: Come again?
> HeadNShoulders: ADMIN! That’s a cupid’s arrow!
> Youkoban: Okay, even I’m lost here. We’re actually talking about that flying baby?
> Ill fly
> no, jus
> HeadNShoulders: It’s a type of angel – not really considered a monstergirl by most.
> HeadNShoulders: Their golden arrows are incredibly powerful weapons, designed to engorge the love of those they pierce.
> i hav fannd th flames of ur heart
> be wif luv, admn
> Admin: So not only does Cupid exist – he has giant tits.
> all da anges do
> Admin: Mamano god has good taste.
> Youkoban: So is admin about to become lovestuck with his harem? Should I book it over there?
> nup, hez fine!
> yah, stay dere
> weel help im~
> Youkoban glares at the anons.
> HeadNShoulders: Even the smallest, tiniest, faintest love that he holds in his heart for even one of those girls – for ANYONE in his life – will swell until it overwhelms him.
> HE SHUD SEE ME FURST
> thas not hw kyupid wurks dumfuq
> yo coopid, shoot me 2!
> I tink that waz a regyular arrowe
> Youkoban: Must. Get there. Before. Alppenheimer.
> Youokoban has left.
> sum1 tackl vanilz when she gits ere
> on eet
> Admin: I don’t suppose you can suck out the poison?
> Admin: Might have a job for that alp after all…
> HeadNShoulders: I’m sorry, admin, but it doesn’t work like that.
> Admin: Damn.
> we can steel suk tho~
> il suk ur blud!
> vamps gettn hornie
> HeadNShoulders: I’m sorry to say, but your resolve will soon be gone. You’ve lost, admin.
> Admin: Of course. Fucking snipers.
> SpecialKNight: How much time is left to him?
> HeadNShoulders: It should be very quick. Even now his love should be grand and beautiful.
> yis yis yis
> Admin: What, for those fuckers?
> HeadNShoulders: He should be
> HeadNShoulders: What? Those… fuckers?
> mayb fukr is his lovy word?
> ill tayk it
> Admin: Yeah, the dumb sluts outside my house.
> Admin: I thought this was established.
> HeadNShoulders: You… do not love them?
> Admin: Let me cite the words of a wise man
> Admin: who is falling off of a cliff
> Admin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> HE STIL HADE UZ!
> SpecialKNight: You may have yelled my lady’s head off just now, admin.
> HeadNShoulders: bnut iths IMP[OSSSIBLL!
> SpecialKNight: Perhaps thine arrow was faulty?
> HeadNShoulders: NOH THEYU CAYNT BN DSUDS
> coopid looks purdy shokd
> lol she jus drop her fone
> hi im an angle and i fuck clowds all dae long
> kek, waz angel-lande liyk?
> oh it suks and were all fukin stoopid.
> ohshit shez comin. agels suq
> GT THE FUK BAK HEERE
> SpecialKNight: Well, the only other explanation is thine administrator holdeth absolutely nill love in thine heart for any!
> Admin: …
> SpecialKNight: …Oh, that’d definitely be it then.
> Admin: HEY
> Admin: eh, kinda true though. Ask my ex.
> no luv
> he did thrw a chiyld owt
> let m’ luve u, aydmn!
> an puncuh m’tit
> i likd it tho
> lol cupids havn a fukin hart attak frum dis
> angels r dum
> HeadNShoulders: How can someone be so deprived of love and still function? That doesn’t make sense.
> HeadNShoulders: To be so utterly cold and alone, so pathetic. A soul consumed by hate – with no love for anyone or anything!?
> SpecialKNight: He IS an admin. For us, no less.
> Admin: He’s not wrong.
> Youkoban: Yo admin. You’ve been quite for a while.
> Youkoban: Something wrong?
> Admin: Youko, everyone. I’m afraid I have something to tell you.
> Admin: I’m… not who you think I am.
> Youkoban: Eh?
> SpecialKNight: Whatever do you mean?
> Admin: I’m actually…
> Admin has changed their username to Alpmin
> Alpmin: ITZ ME, YOKO
> aw SUNNVABICH
> Alpmin: I WZ AN ALP ALLL AlONG
> i cayn nawt beeleive et
> Alpmin: YOu Al BOUWT IT
> Alpmin: U AL BOAUT IT -. HOOK, LYNE AN SINKUR!
> Alpmin: YOW AWL BOUGT ET
> Alpmin: EVEAN MAI IMMEDEATE FAMLY BOUGT IT!!
> they dyd!?
> loowk at yoko
> Alpmin: EVRY DAM 1 OF U WER MAYD FOOLS OF
Enjoy this shitpost of a shitpost, fools. (Actual posts to come)
> Youokoban: So, honey, how are things?
> Admin: Constantly getting worse. Same old, same old.
> let uz kis u betta
> yea, kis u dik
> with throte
> Admin: If I die, tell my wife I hated her.
> HeadNShoulders: I think you’re a little too resistant for little reason.
> HeadNShoulders: We truly do care for our husbands, and hope to improve their lives.
> Admin: Don’t you also vampirically feed off our ‘soul energy’ or whatever?
> admun hats vampre, official.
> amun othr things~
> it feelz gud tho!!
> Admin: At least a regular chick only bleeds my wallet.
> Youokoban: Is that an offer~?
> yoko leav
> Youokoban: No u.
> Alppenheimer has joined the room.
> ohe shit
> Youokoban: Alpie! You’re back.
> Alppenheimer: Um, hi.
> Youokoban: Did you find a nice lap to sit on and squeal?
> Alppenheimer: Agh, no!
> SpecialKNight: Thine resistance is admirable, if naught else.
> lol, they dun no
> Youokoban: Know what?
> Alppenheimer: You girls shut it.
> no u
> ooohhh, he keepin secrut~
> k, we no tell
> Youokoban: Whaaat~?
> Alppenheimer: They’re just being themselves. Shits, like always.
> thn y u no be urself?
> u seemd to liyk it
> alpie cum help uz find men agan!
> Alppenheimer: I-I have no idea what you’re talking about…
> Youokoban: Yo admin. How would you like a clear lawn?
> Admin: So you monsterized into a genie?
> Youokoban: If I did, think I’d be wasting my time on you?
> Admin: Fair point. Shoot.
> Youokoban: A bet. If I can clear your lawn of all monstergirls, you’ll invite me inside to whatever I
> Youokoban: Ahem
> Youokoban: Please~
> Admin: I’m morbidly curious. Deal.
> Youokoban: Woah, Alppenheimer, you didn’t tell me you were having a bunch of guys over!
> wat happen
> Alppenheimer: What!?
> Youokoban: Holy crap, there’s so many single guys at your place. That’s nuts.
> Youokoban: Ooh, they all look pretty hot. And desperate. Also naked.
> u lie
> alp gam too stronk
> Alppenheimer: There’s no-one here, Youko! I just checked.
> Alppenheimer: N-Not that I was curious…
> Youokoban: Maaan, I’m super jealous. They’ve all got their cocks out, ready and waiting.
> i want cox in muh muoth
> Youokoban: Maybe I’ll come over and take them all for myself~
> THE FUK U WILL
> whrs alp howse!?
> waz goin on?
> but amin tho
> but free mans!
> fre man butts!
> only fre?
> no free, dumfuq
> Alppenheimer: W-Where… Maybe out the back?
> Youokoban: Figures you’d check there first~
> Alppenheimer: Oi…
> Mass exodus of anons.
> Youokoban: And tadaah~
> Youokoban: Clear lawn.
> Admin: Huh… that was stupid. Why didn’t I think of that?
> Admin: Guess I wouldn’t throw Alppenheimer under the bus like that.
> Alppenheimer: Oh… admin~
> Admin: Anything can change though. Didn’t realize you had it in you, Youko.
> Youokoban: Oh, there’s something I’d definitely love to have in me right now.
> Admin: I don’t suppose I could exchange myself in our deal for a mystery box~?
> Youokoban: Outside, five minutes.
> Admin: Ugh…
> HeadNShoulders: …So what is in the box?
> Five Minutes Later
> Youokoban: BUT FUCKERING MOTHER FUCKER AHRGOOSG<SOKOGDSAAAA
> Alppenheimer: Fufu~ Sounds like it went well.
> Youokoban: HOW DID- BUT SHE- I GOT RID OF-
> HeadNShoulders: I feel a bit lost. What is going on?
> Admin: Um, so funny thing.
> Admin: gyak
> Admin: I-It seems like that lamia never did get out of the drainpipe.
> Admin: …Until now.
> Admin: CHOKING
> HeadNShoulders: What’s that?
> Alppenheimer: You gotta be kidding! Admin, noo…
> HeadNShoulders: I suppose it makes sense that only the tightest of embraces could hope to break that stone demeanor.
> SpecialKNight: Mine estimate is his bones will breaketh before his demeanor does.
> Admin: This may be the wrong time to mention I have a strange boner.
> Youokoban: RATTLESNARKFUKFHGJOI
> Youokoban: Alp. Du you stil hav a dik?
> Alppenheimer: Uh, o-of course. Why wouldn’t I have-
> Youokoban: GIT OUTSIYD RITE NOW. I’M CUMING.
> Youokoban has left the room.
> Youokoban has entered the room.
> Youokoban: PUN INTENDED.
> Youokoban has left the room.
> Alppenheimer: …
> Alppenheimer: I-I need to find a new dick.
> Admin: I NEED AIR
> Admin: I DIDN’T MEAN GIVE ME MOUTH-TO-MOUTH