The next day at lunch, Church, Cheslav and Marshall were sitting in the remote corner of the cafe they always sat at. Church had a notebook and was tapping his eraser against a blank page.
“Alright, we’ve hit the cheshires and somehow managed to make it back out with our sanity intact.”
Marshall was going to object to that, but decided against it.
“I think it’s time to hit another dormitory that will boost our notoriety. Aggressive, yet not overly dangerous.” He started to write some potential candidates on the paper. “Let’s see, there’s the werewolves, lizardmen, dhampir, anubis, kitsunes, kakuen, mad hatters, salamanders, and vampires.”
“We ain’t doing the salamanders or lizardmen, I’d rather not have a repeat of the hinezumi dormitory so soon.” Marshall complained.
“Fine, but eventually we are going to hit another dangerous dorm, and you’re going to be our counter to their strength.” Church asserted.
Marshall sighed. “Whatever. I also don’t want to go back to wonderland, so the mad hatters are out.”
“I wholeheartedly agree, Marshall. What say you, Chap? And I swear if you say alps again I’m going to go to your apartment and smash every bottle of vodka you own.”
“Allll of them?” Cheslav asked, leaning forward with a smug grin.
“We’re not doing the alps regardless. Why not them dhampirs? They’re only dangerous if they’ve had a taste of blood, and they have a natural instinct to help men who’re in trouble.” Marshall suggested.
“Hmm, it does sound more appealing than those autistic dogs or fluffy tailed menaces. Alright, might as well. Let’s strike next Saturday, so we can hit them in the middle of the day when they’re asleep.”
“Wait, Church! I think you’re forgettin’ something.”
“And what is that, Marshall?”
“What about the blooded ones? They’ll be strong, fast and merciless.”
“Hmm, you’re right. You may be strong but there’s no way you’ll be fast enough to take them on.” Church thinks for a minute. “What natural enemies do dhampirs have?”
“Uhh, most undead, particularly vampires.” Marshall answered.
“Yes, of course! We must strike a temporary alliance with the vampires. Let’s meet them at their dorm tonight, but bring some garlic just in case.”
Just then, they heard the sound of a chair being pulled back relatively close to their table, which almost never happened.
Marshall looked up, seeing a familiar face sitting across from the group.
“Oh, Jesus, Church, it’s that elf.” He whispered.
“Do not make eye contact.”
“I-I think she might’ve seen us.”
Hearing the commotion a table over, Saria looked up from her copy of Rape Fantasies V.27. What was that- Oh, god.
Ohgodohgodohgod. I-it was him! That cowboy she had met at the dorm was sitting right over there! Was her hair alright? T-the glasses didn’t look weird, did they? He saw them before, but… Did he even remember? He must have, but why didn’t he come back that day? He gave her his number, and she even texted him a few times when she was waiting in the closet. She asked him to ‘pls respond’ a few times, but… Maybe it’s because she didn’t give him her name? No, that couldn’t be it…
Maybe she wasn’t good enough for him? He seemed so nice, but maybe he was just being polite when he said he’d rape her… What if he’s going out with some hot dark elf he likes more because she’s good with all that… um… b-bondage stuff? She was interested, but what if it was too much trouble to teach her all those knots and stuff? Or what if she was just too pushy? Maybe he wanted to just push her down on his own and she just made it weird? What if he was into anal and the blowjob thing just put him off?
She sat there, twirling her hair around her finger anxiously as she wondered whether or not she should talk to him or not. Should she? The three men glanced over at her, and she squeaked, involuntarily holding her book up in front of her face.
They noticed her! Oh, no. What if they… a-and… O-oh… Would it be more awkward to just sit here when they knew she was here? They began whispering and she knew she’d have to.
“O-okay, Saria, you can’t let this one get away. Just get up, walk over there and… Say hello? No, no, that’s not good enough… Maybe-”
“Damn it all, she’s certainly seen us now.” Church hissed. “Well done on getting your girlfriend onto our tails, Marshall.”
“Wasn’t my fault, you’re the one that sicced me on her. All ya did was get her riled up and then I was barely able to get rid of her.”
“Oh, shut up. Chap, we need a diversion, preferably some manner of smoke-bomb.”
“Can only give tomorrow, you did not give warning, comrade.” Taking off his khaki backpack, he began to root through it, finally holding up a metal cylinder.
“Only have tear gas, Church. But do you have-”
“Oh, give me that.” Church spat, grabbing the grenade out of Cheslav’s hand.
Church cackled and crawled onto the table with some difficulty before wobbling to his feet. Cheslav sighed, then pulled out his gas mask.
“I’m sure you monster harlots are wondering who we are. Well, I’ll tell you…”
Church paused for effect, looking around a cafeteria of confused men and monster alike, most trying to ignore the man standing on the table.
He pulled the pin.
“GONE! HA HA!”
He threw the grenade to his feet, hesitating a moment before he realized what he had done, covering his eyes as the acrid gas wafted into his face before spreading through the rest of the room, prompting screaming as the crowd burst into chaos.
“Oy vey! It’s like anodda Remina in here!” A danuki screamed.
Saria fell onto her back as she tried to stand from her seat, tears and snot running down her face.
“This way, comrades.” Cheslav had his gas mask on, leading the others out of the school. Church was the noisiest out of all of them, coughing and sputtering into his sleeve, which was getting drenched with tears and snot.
“Oh god, why…” Church gasped, hacking up a lung. “…why did I think that was a good idea?”
“Because yer a fuckin’ idjit who don’t think before he acts.”
“I didn’t s-see you coming up with any bright ideas! At least I’m a man who actually acts!” He continued to cough.
“And now look where we are? We could have just got up and walked away! But nooooo!” Marshall covered his mouth and coughed up a glob of mucus. “You had to fuckin’ do this!” He hunched over, puking on the ground.
“Oh jesus christ Marshall! What in god’sssuueugh-” Church gagged, slapping his hand over his mouth.
“D-don’t you puke too, we already have enoughoough-” Marshall hunched over, gagging but successfully holding himself back.
“Oh god, oooh god I’m going to be siiiuuuhck-” Church paused, regaining his composure and smacking his lips. “We need to get the hell out of here.” He gagged again.
“Put ass in gear, comrades. You’ll make Cheslav puke.”
Eventually, they managed to exit the cafeteria safe and sound, Church bending over to empty his stomach contents on the ground. Once they were a safe distance from the building, they could see the entire facility was being evacuated, and sirens could be heard in the distance.
“Oh shit, you fucked up.” Marshall remarked, glaring at Church.
“Correction, we fucked up.”
“Don’t drag us into this, you were the one that threw the goddamn gas grenade.”
“And Chap was the one that gave it to me.”
Cheslav said nothing, giving Church a sour look.
“Whatever. What do we do if the grenade gets traced back to us?”
“If worst comes to worst, we will…” He considered it for a moment. “Blame Prudence!”
“You’re an asshole, you know.”
“It’s fine, she loves it when I do that. Now come along lads, we speak with the vampires tonight at ten. Let’s not be late.”
“This is… less impressive that I thought it would be…” Prudence muttered, swishing her tail anxiously.
The group stood before the vampire dorm, less towering and more… squatting. It had been built in the 80s, and despite all the upkeep, it still looked disgusting from the outside, the windows boarded over to keep the sunlight out.
“Oh, pish-posh. If their money’s as old as they are, they’ll have plenty on the inside. Now Marshall, get that door-knocker for me, I can’t reach it and I’ll be damned if I exert too much effort to please a monster.”
Marshall walked up to the huge, out-of-place door, stretching to reach a heavy brass knocker placed nearly eight feet in the air.
Before he had even swung the knocker, the door creaked open to a pitch-black hall, a pair of glowing red eyes leering out at them.
“Uh… W-we’ve been expecting you, mortals! A moment, if you would.”
The door slammed shut, with the sound of rushed whispering and shuffling feet coming from the other side.
“I thought they were expecting us.” Marshall whispered.
A number of minutes passed, with the whispers not subsiding, and Church began to get impatient.
“Right, step aside. I’m not waiting another damned second.” He banged on the door angrily with his cane.
“You’d dare keep my master waiting? He’s the son of the… er… Nineteenth Earl of Banterbury, you know!” Prudence shouted to the vampires inside.
The door flew open, the red eyes slightly wider than before.
“Er, ah, um… F-forgive us, Lord Banterbury, we just hadn’t… er… Please come in. I-if you dare… haha…”
“Oh, we do. Shall we, master?”
“Ah. Yes, we shall. Go ahead, chaps.” Church said, pulling Prudence aside.
“That was fine thinking, girl. Er… Well-done, my dear.” Church looked away, putting his hand onto Prudence’s head and ruffling her hair.
A half-strangled squeal escaped Prudence’s lips as she tried desperately not to faint.
“Come on, then, we’ve wasted enough time already.” He said, striding away as the maid scuttled along behind him, her tail wagging furiously.
“Damn, Church, ya seen this place?” Marshall gawked.
The hall was actually more brightly-lit than it had seemed from the outside, a number of candelabras throwing deep shadows onto a scrolling black wallpaper whose pattern was unbroken, except for a number of red wall hangings littered throughout the room.
Church walked up to a candelabra, flicking one of the LED candles placed in it.
“Lovely place you’ve got here. It’s got a certain…ah, Je ne sais pas.”
The vampire leading the group stopped and turned around, squinting her eyes.
“You’ll have to forgive the lighting, I’m afraid. The fire brigade was rather insistent we not have open flames in the dorms. Something abou- ”
The sound of something hollow hitting the ground stopped the vampire in her tracks. Prudence, her tail wagging, had knocked over a brass vase, the vessel bouncing as it hit the ground.
Marshall picked the suspiciously light pot off the ground.
“Looks like it’s okay, Prudence, not a dent on it.”
“Pointy-tooth lady, pot sounds like bakelite on bayonet, should check for cracks.”
“It’s, uh… fuckfuckfuck… Enchanted! Yeah, it’s a maaaagic pot, it couldn’t possibly break! You’d better put it down, though, it cursed with the spirit of… D-Dracula himself! It’ll suck out your soul if you hold it too long, so just put it down, ‘kay?”
“Uh, ‘kay?” Marshall raised an eyebrow, setting the vase back onto its pedestal.
Church grinned and tapped a brass banister with his cane, some flakes of paint chipping off.
“Ah, it must’ve been very expensive to have all of this enchanted. I really must commend you on your taste.” He said, his words laced with sarcasm.
The vampire seemed to be losing her temper, her voice dripping with rage.
“Well, Lord Banterbury, perhaps you could tell the Grand Council yourself!”
At this, she threw open an unassuming door, where four chairs were arranged in front of a harsh spotlight, leaving the rest of the room obscured by shadow.
“Are we ready?”
“Yeah, just don’t trip over the cord again.”
“ENTER, PUNY MORTALS.”
Church scoffed, striding into the room and taking a seat, motioning his companions to follow.
“W-WELL? WHY HAVE YOU ENTERED OUR SPOOKY REALM?”
Marshall stood up, running his fingers through his hair before scratching the back of his head nervously.
“Whew. Okay. Uh, y’see, ma’am, we were thinking about doing a… That is to say, well, we do that underwear raid thing ya might’ve heard about -n-not for anythin’ weird, mind you- and uh, we planned a raid on a dorm we kinda need some help with, an’ so-”
“SPIT IT OUT, YOU CHARMI- E-ER, PATHETIC WORM.”
“We, you blood-sucking twits, are in the business of nicking knickers, and you’ll be helping us this time around.” Church spat, leaning back smugly.
“HOW DARE YOu say that! I can’t beli- …Ulrika, I thought you said you changed the batteries on the megaphone!”
“U-uh, well, the charger was being really slow, so I just took the batteries out of the remote…”
“Are you planning on keeping me waiting, you becloaked broads?”
A vampire jumped from the shadows, hissing at Church, who kept on an irritated expression.
“A-and what the hell’s wrong with cloaks, you… tweed boy?!”
“Well, I manage to dress like a normal human being instead of that chuunibiyou shit you seem to be so fond of!”
“Normal? Who the fuck do you think you are? A profess-”
The room turned to Cheslav, who had stood to yell and was straightening out his clothes. He looked around and grinned.
“Everyone knows tracksuit is best! Comfortable like cloud and stylish like army uniform!”
Time seemed to stop as Cheslav held up his fists in triumph.
“… So who is this you’re, er, ‘raiding’?”
“Dhampirs, actually. Only reason we came, you see.”
“Aaah. All’s well, then. We’ll send someone out to help you around midnight Wednesday for a cut of, oh… fifty pairs?”
“Lovely. Cheers, then.” Church gives a small salute with his cane, leading the crowd out of the room and leaving Cheslav standing alone in the spotlight, still holding his victory pose.
“Cheslav is invincible!”
Wednesday arrived, and it was just shy of midnight. As they approached the dhampir dormitory, the trio of thieves spotted a dark silhouette standing under a streetlight. Waving, the tall wight walked over.
“Are you those guys Ulrika sent me out for? The raiders?”
“We’d prefer ‘Team Good Old Boys,’ actually.” Church replied.
“Yeeep. Just like she described you. Shall we?”
“We shall.” Church agreed. “What’s your name?”
“Call me Church. Let’s not dally with small talk any longer, we’re burning moonlight.”
The wight led the group to a hole in the hedge that surrounded the building. Two dhampir sat on the front porch, legs spread and drinking what looked like cherry kool-aid in wine glasses.
“Alright, let’s come up with a plan, here.” Church surveyed the area, looking for a good place to enter. There didn’t seem to be any place for them to sneak in, the windows were boarded up just like the vampire dorm.
“Hey Church, I think we-”
“Hush Marshall. Now, if we want to enter through any of those windows, we need a sufficient timeframe to-”
“Church I think we-”
“What did I just say!?” Church snapped, prompting a moment of awkward silence.
“…As I was saying, we can go back to get Lady Lifts-a-Lot and land her on the roof, then quietly sneak down one by one through the chimney…”
“Or we could just distract the dhampir with this lovely lady that the vampires have been so kind to provide us with…” Marshall suggested.
“Marshall you-” Church raised his cane, then lowered it. “Wait, of course! Distract the dhampir using the wight and once they’re lured out we can make our move! I’m a genius!”
Marshall rolled his eyes.
“Hey boys!” Natasha snapped. “Why don’t I just… pretend to be attacking you or something? Those dumb imposters won’t be able to resist rescuing some gentlemen in distress.”
“That’s what I was about to suggest…” Church placed his hand on his chin, contemplating their strategy.
This time, Natasha rolled her eyes.
“Alright, here’s how we’re going to do this, you shambling corpse.” Church pointed to the wight. “You are going to amble after Marshall and Chap in front of the dormitory. Once you grab the attention of those two airheads in the front, run away from them and hope they’re more interested in chasing after you than talking to my colleagues. If they are, just throw sand at them or something. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make this work with what’s left of your brain.”
The wight balled her hand into a fist, talking through gritted teeth. “Alright, and what are you going to do in the meantime?”
“I am going to take this bag of chocolate coins that my bolshevik friend was so kind to procure for me, and throw them on the ground at any dhampir I meet. All vampires have the compulsion to count any and all coins you throw on the ground, and I imagine their half-blooded children are no different.”
Seeing how angry the wight was getting, Marshall placed a hand on her shoulder. “A-anyway, let’s get this show on the road, don’t want to spend too long in each other’s company do we? Eheheh…”
“You’re absolutely right, Marshall. Let’s get to work.” Church motioned them away.
When Marshall was out of Church’s earshot, he leaned in to Natasha, who still looked sour from Church’s remarks. “Sorry ‘bout my friend, he’s uh…” Marshall scratched the back of his neck. “A little prejudiced.”
“Clearly. Is he really not able to tell the difference between me and a zombie? Wights are more intelligent, more graceful! We’re far more capable than… them.”
“Yeah I can see that, but ya gotta understand, Church just lumps you in with ghouls and zombies since you’re all a form of undead.”
“Why does he treat the vampires differently then?”
“If I had to guess, it would be because they also put up the same front of class he does.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve got a decent head on your shoulders at least. What about that quiet one, why doesn’t he speak?” She asked, gesturing towards Cheslav.
“Cheslav ain’t really one for words, more of a man of action.”
“That’s actually kind of… hot.”
“Why don’t you tell him that?” Marshall smirked.
The wight blushed. “Later, perhaps. For now, start running with him, I’ll come chasing after you when you mention you’re running from me.” She said. “It feels good to finally have an opportunity to get back at those stupid half-breeds for clit-blocking me and whiteknighting in front of every guy I strike up a conversation with.”
“Err…Riiight. Come on Cheslav!” Marshall motioned for his friend to follow him.
They ran into the open, Marshall pumping his arms at his sides and Cheslav running with his arms behind his back as usual. “Oh lord, help us! We’re being chased by an undead monster!”
The wight popped from behind the bushes, her hands outstretched in mangled positions in a mimicry of a zombie. “Rrrrgh, I’m gonna get you boys, then bring you back to my grave to uh… rape you and stuff!” She licked her lips.
The two dhampir had been slouching in a very unladylike position suddenly snapped to attention, their legs slamming together and backs straightening out. “W-we’re coming Milords!” One of them opened the door and shouted inside. “Girls! There’s two handsome young men in need of a rescue! Let’s chase this foul beast off!”
In a few seconds, what looked to be about twenty dhampirs had poured out of the dormitory. Was this… all of them? All of them after one wight?
“Shit, looks like I’m going to have my hands full. Good luck, steal as many as you can for me.” The wight salutes them, then uses a blast of magic to propel herself away, all the dhampirs chasing after her. One of them stuck around and pointed at Marshall and Cheslav. “D-don’t move, milords! We will be right back!” She stammered before dashing off in the direction of her roommates, arms behind her back.
“Well, that went better than expected. Let’s get to the dorm, Cheslav.”
“Da, we go.”
They ran up to the door, Church was already standing in front of the empty front hallway. “Haha! Jolly good show, that decomposing bimbo actually managed to empty out the entire dorm! This is going to be by far the easiest heist we’ve done.”
Marshall groaned, remembering Church saying something similar during the hinezumi raid. The group entered the dorm, the hallway dark like the vampire’s, but less ornate. There were pictures of fruit bowls hung up along either side of the wall, and several coat racks they all hung their cloaks on.
“Hold on a minute…” Marshall grabbed one of the few remaining cloaks. “We might not be as alone as we think.”
Just then, a door opened, and a sleepy dhampir peered around the corner, blonde hair in a mess.
“W-what’s going on? I heard voices and shouting and-” She paused, looking at the three men standing in the middle of the hallway.
“O-oh! Milords! What b-brings you to our humble abode? Let me go get the others and tell them you’re here.”
“Shit, we can’t have that happen.”
“Haha!” Church threw an enormous handful of chocolate coins on the floor.
The dhampir looked at them, then the coins, then back at them. “Awww, why did you have to go and do that?” She pouts, kneeling down and starting to count them. “One… two… three… four! Ah ah ah.” She stacks the coins in a corner and starts counting again. “Five… six… seven… eight! Ah ah ah.” Despite her quaint little laugh, it didn’t look like she was enjoying herself at all.
“Looks like she’ll be busy with this for a while, come along men.” Church motioned further down the hall with his cane.
The rounded a corner, then went upstairs, coming across where most of the bedrooms were.
“Let’s see, we can maximize our plunder by splitting up and-”
“No, we are not splitting up again.” Marshall insisted. “We are staying together and systematically going room to room, so we don’t get lost or have to deal with trouble by ourselves. We’re a team, remember?”
“Oh settle down, you buffoon.” Church snapped. “I guess we don’t need to split up when we’ve got at most two to deal with.”
Marshall sighed in relief, finally, he wasn’t going to be abandoned.
They entered the first bedroom, which was empty, and found only two pairs inside the top drawer. Church rolled his eyes. “Must be laundry day, soon. Let’s keep going, we’re going to need far more than that to satisfy the vampires.”
Going through the rooms one by one, the trio found that nearly all of them had less than four pairs per drawer, and they were quickly running out of bedrooms. Soon, they only had two left, and they had gathered a total of 44 panties.
“Alright, it’s really down to the wire here. We need at least 7 pairs for it to be a successful raid, and we have only two rooms left. Let’s just take our time and look through the drawers very thoroug-”
One of the doors slammed open, a dhampir sauntering out wearing a revealing black and red leather outfit.
“Why, hello boys, I was wondering when you were going to get to me~” She smirks, hands on her hips. In the dark hallway, Marshall could see that her eyes were glowing red. That could only mean one thing…
“Shit, she’s blooded! Quick, the coins!”
Church reached into the bag and tossed another handful of coins at the floor, though the dhampir just stared at the coins, unamused.
“…Well? What are you waiting for! Pick them up!”
“Why?” She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.
“W-well, you see, vampires have to count things, so obviously dhampirs do as well! We met one earlier where that was the case…”
“Oh, you must’ve run into Candice. Yeah, she just has OCD… It’s pretty bad, I mean, sometimes she can’t leave her room because she needs to brush her hair a certain number of times and can can’t get it looking right, so she starts over, or she ends up rewriting her notes so many times she runs out of time and does poorly on tests. One time, I heard a rumor that she has trouble keeping a boyfriend because she has to fuck him an even number of strokes otherwise she thinks her dad’s house will get attacked by zombies.”
“Wow… that’s uh… Shit. I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like a pretty sad life.” Marshall looked down.
“Yeah, I’m sorry if I explained too much. It’s just, yeah…”
An awkward silence passed.
“So, uh, anyway, as I was saying… you guys are mine!” She reaches into her room, pulls out a boombox and hits ‘play.’
“It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It’s Raining Men! Amen!”
The dhampir had a troubled look on her face, a bead of sweat rolling down her cheek.
Marshall, Church and Cheslav all stared at her, more confused than anything.
“I’m gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!”
“Errr, o-one moment.” She flips the boombox around to face her, then takes out the cassette tape.
“Take your time, please.” Church insisted, words dripping with sarcasm.
“Ooooh! I see.” The dhampir turned the cassette over and closed the hatch. Before she could hit play again, Marshall held out his hand.
“Sweetie, I think the moment has passed for a dramatic entrance.”
“Y-yeah, I guess you’re right…” She grumbled. “So… You guys gonna start running, or…?”
Marshall immediately turned tail to bolt away, falling on his face as Church tripped him with his cane.
“No need for that. But- I expect him back by 10, young lady.”
“O-oh! Really? I’ll take him. Thank you misterrrr…?”
“Church. Call me Church.”
“Thanks Mister Church, I’ll have him back by then!” She grabbed Marshall’s leg and effortlessly dragged him into her room.
“CHURCH YOU FUCKING ASSHOOOOOLE!!!” Marshall yelled, trying in vain to get a grip on the carpet.
“Necessary sacrifices need to be made, Marshall!” Church called as the door shut behind them.
“Heh, you should be happy you got caught by me~ The other dhampirs don’t know what they’re doing when it comes to sex.”
“You know, as much as I don’t like being thrown under the bus by Church, at least you aren’t what I ran into in the cheshire dorm.”
“Oh? What did you run into there, cowboy?” She pulled him onto her bed, resting his back against the headboard and massaging his shoulders.
Marshall stared off into the distance, having flashbacks. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
The dhampir tilts her head, then shrugs. “Well, I’m glad you’re out of that place. Now are you going to take your pants off, or are you going to have me do all the work~?” She teased.
“Look.” Marshall grabbed her shoulder. “I know I ain’t gonna change yer mind about this. But, at least tell me yer name.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, it totally slipped my mind.” She grabbed the bottom of her tight leather top and peeled it off, revealing she wore no bra underneath. “I’m Isabella, but tonight you can call me…” She snaps her thigh high against her leg for dramatic effect. “…mistress!”
Marshall’s eyes glazed over, his head tilted back. ‘Please don’t tell me she’s wearing all this leather for a reason…’
“Hey, are you paying attention to me?”
Marshall snapped out of it. “What? Oh, shit! Yeah, what was that?”
“C-call me mistress!” She asserted, trying to sound dominant.
“You know, nevermind. It’s okay, you don’t have to. God I feel stupid now” She unbuttoned the top of his plaid shirt and worked her way down. “I know I’m blooded and all but it’s still been a while since I’ve fed and gotten laid.”
“Wait, fed!?” It suddenly occurred to Marshall that she was indeed a human-vampire hybrid who had the need to feed… on blood.
“Yeah, you know, when I plunge my fangs into you and drink your blood.”
“D-don’t say it so casually like that!” Marshall grabbed his neck protectively.
“Oh, no need for that, I’m not going to bite your neck. My fangs are actually in my vagina! Eheheh…” She grinned.
Marshall stared at her, mortified.
“Oh geez, I was just kidding! No vagina fangs, I promise. See?” She started to tug her leggings down, but Marshall stopped her.
“N-no need for that! I believe you. But I still don’t like the idea of sharp needles in one of the most vulnerable parts of my body.”
“I-it won’t hurt! At least, I don’t think it hurts, the only other time I fed the guy didn’t tell me it hurt so maybe it’s painless? I mean, he did pass out, but…”
“Look, Isabella, I’m no stranger to sex with monsters. I’d be fine if that’s all we were doing, but donatin’ blood is a little more than I bargained for.” Marshall held up his hands defensively.
“Aw come on, I promise I’ll be gentle. I’ve just been so thirsty for so long…” She pleaded, grabbing his shoulders.
‘Oh I bet you’ve been thirsty alright.’ Marshall thought to himself.
Now Marshall was in a tough spot. It looked like she was reluctantly giving him a choice on whether or not she fed on him, which he respected. He was absolutely NOT keen on letting her suck his blood, but at the same time, he didn’t want to be rude.
“Nnnrrgh, fiddlesticks. I’ll let ya do it.” He sighed.
“I understand, it was- wait really?” She perked up immediately.
“Yeah, just d-don’t bite too hard or take too much, ‘kay?”
Isabella gasped, latching onto him for a hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I’ll do my best to make it good for you too.” She started to take her leggings off again, and Marshall didn’t stop her. Rather, he felt it was time to get this show moving. He wasn’t going to leave without banging her so he might as well get it over with. As soon as he kicked his jeans off, he looked up to see her already stark naked, save for her hat and her cloak.
“Whoa, that was fast.” Marshall remarked.
“Mmm, thank you. Now, let’s get these off~” She grabbed his boxers and flung them off in one fell swoop. “Not bad, I see you’re as excited for this as I am.”
Marshall didn’t have the heart to tell her about fear-boners.
“Now, to set the mood properly~” She reached over to the side of the bed and grabbed the boombox, opening up a little hatch in the side and taking out one of a few mixtapes she had in there.
“This is the one.” She popped the input open and switched cassettes, then closed it and hit play.
“Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about”
Marshall swung his arm over and hit the stop button. “St-stop that.”
“Huh? You don’t like the song choice?” She pouted.
“This don’t need no music, just looking at you is all I need to set the mood.”
Isabella blushed. “Aaawe, you’re just saying that~” She began to crawl down, grabbing his shaft and rubbing her cheek against it. “It’s such a nice size.” She cooed before wrapping her lips around the tip and descending down about halfway.
Marshall looked down, her eyes were staring into his, half lidded and sensual. He felt the tight, warm sensation of the inside of her mouth slowly enveloping his cock and leaned his head back. Wow, that felt better than he expected. She was better than the other monsters that either caught him or took him as a sacrifice.
“Damn lady, you sure you only had sex once before?”
“Oh I read cosmopolitan magazine all the time! Hold on, let me go get a grapefruit!”
“NO! I-I mean, no, you don’t need to do that. What you’re doing is fine.” Marshall reached down to pat her head reassuringly.
“Y-you sure? I mean, I know this really cool trick and I’ve always wanted to-”
“Yeah I’m sure, just… keep doing what yer doing.”
“Oh okay, got it!” She resumed her blowjob, this time tossing her hair behind her ear before going back down. “Mmmmph.” She slid a little past halfway this time, gradually taking in more of him each stroke.
The more she bobbed her head up and down, the more acutely aware Marshall became of her fangs, which had come out and were just barely sliding against his shaft. He started to wonder, what if she didn’t plan to bite his neck, what if she was going to bite… there? Oh geez, that was going to hurt.
‘Please don’t bite it, please don’t bite it, please don’t bite it…’ He thought to himself.
One of her fangs pricked his shaft, and he started to panic, breathing heavily and grabbing the sides of her mattress. It was too late to tell her to stop, best he could do was hope it wasn’t too painful.
“Mmm?” She noticed his dick starting to throb faster due to his increased heart rate, and looked up to see him sweating, panting and grabbing the sides of her bed. Her conclusion was that he was really getting into it. It seemed to happen after she poked his cock with her fang, so maybe he liked that? Time to do it some more!
He started to feel her poking some more, any chance he had of keeping his composure went out the window. Spasming his hips, he fear-jaculated into her mouth.
“Oh god!” He shouted, eyes watering as he emptied his balls into her waiting maw.
“Mmmhmmm!” She gulped down each spurt, teeth pressing against his shaft briefly every time she swallowed. She vacuum sucked his tip before popping it out of her mouth. “Oh yeth, thuch a thtrong robutht tathte…”
Wait, where did that lisp come from. “B-beg your pardon, miss?”
It took a minute for Isabella to realize what he was referring to. “O-oh, when my fangth come out, I get a lithp. Ith no big deal, r-right?”
Marshall stifled a giggle. “W-what now?”
Isabella played with the now flaccid cock with her fingers. “I’ve got to get you hard again, thith ith where the fangth come in~” She pulled herself on top of him, pulling his head back.
“W-wait! How do you reckon d-drinking my blood is gonna fix me going soft? I reckon it’ll have the opposite effect.”
“According to my mom, ith thuppothed to make boyth hard again. Tho jutht… relakth okay? Thith won’t hurt, I think.” She leaned in, pressing her fangs to Marshall’s neck. Marshall felt a dull pain, then a pressure building in his neck. It felt like the area around his neck was getting colder, but the pain was going away.
Marshall clenched his fist, this felt unlike anything he’d been subject to before, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. It was different, at least. He could feel her gulping the blood out of his neck, and he was starting to feel light headed. For a second, he wondered if she was going to accidentally take too much and kill him… but his fears were thankfully quelled when she let go of his neck and licked the blood up.
“There we go, was that so bad?” She crooned, patting him on the head.
Marshall didn’t answer.
“I can thee you’re ready for round two~”
He looked down, well son of a bitch! He was hard as a rock, how did he not notice?
“Well dang, I guess yer mom was right.” Marshall said, looking down proudly at his erection.
“I know, now lay down for me thtud.” She commands, licking up another trickle of blood that had oozed down his neck. “Altho, I’m gonna be licking up your neck for a while, to thtop the flow of blood.”
Marshall couldn’t take her seriously with that voice. “Okay, I’ll jutht lay here then.” He mocked.
She looked down, shoulders drooping. “Thtop mocking me…” She pouted.
Oh great, now Marshall felt bad. “Alright, alright. I’ll take ya seriously.” He beckoned her to crawl on top of him.
“There we go…” She rested her hands on his shoulders, slowly lowering herself down onto his shaft. His tip touched her labia, the slippery flesh easily parting over it. He could only inhale sharply as she descended on top of him, taking him down to the hilt.
“Oh… oh wow!” Marshall managed to choke out, gripping her hips as she grinded her lap against his. “Y-ya sure this is only your second time?”
Isabella blushed. “Well, I do have loth of toyth to choothe from.”
Marshall stifled another chuckle, not wanting to hurt her feelings again. “Oh? I supposed that combined with reading magazines written by 40 year old women would make anybody a sexpert.”
“At leatht I don’t pay for my thubthcription, mom doeth.” She lifted her hips back up, then slammed them down.
Marshall huffed, squeezing her ass when she lowered herself all the way on top of him. “Y-you wanna maybe switch to doggystyle? I might cum a little too soon if yer gonna set the pace like this…”
“Oh? I’m thorry, I didn’t know I wath that good~” She taunted, giving his neck another lick while lifting her hips up. “Okay, we can thwitch.” She popped his tip out, and Marshall noticed just how hot her insides were compared to the cold air of the room.
After both of them cooled down a bit, Marshall grabbed Isabella’s hips and pulled her closer, rubbing his tip between her warm slippery folds once again. This time, he set the pace, plunging all the way in immediately which caused her to let out a barely contained squeal of delight. Marshall, encouraged by her noises, started to thrust into her at a steady pace. Her tight pussy clamped onto his shaft every time he bottomed out inside of her, and to his delight, it seemed she wasn’t kidding when she insisted there were no fangs in her vagina.
“I’m getting clothe, cowboy~” She warned, moving her hips back when he shoved his forward.
He slid his hands up from her hips to her breasts, squeezing them and tweaking the nipples with his thumbs while he gave his final thrusts.
“Unh! Give it to me Marthall!” She jerked her hips back so he bumped against her cervix while her inner walls relentlessly squeezed and milked him. Marshall was forced to comply, his own limit being reached.
Marshall squeezed her breasts like a stress ball, shaking as he came his brains out inside of her. Isabella was so spent the upper part of her body dropped onto the bed, trembling in ecstasy while her pussy pulsed against Marshall’s cock, eager to accept all of his seed. After several minutes of bathing in the afterglow, Marshall pulled out with a slick pop, and fell to his side, wrapping his arms around her. After all that uncertainty and reluctance, he was pleasantly surprised to finally enjoy an intimate encounter.
“So, I guess you enjoyed yourself?” Isabella asked, tracing her finger through Marshall’s chest hair.
“Mhmm…” Marshall, half asleep, pulled her closer and ruffled her blonde hair. “Your lisp seems to have gone away.” He remarked.
“Oh yeah, my fangs have retracted now.” She nuzzled into him as he pulled her closer. “Also, you’re free to leave at any time now. That suck and fuck was just what I needed.”
“Ah, that’s a relief. I was afraid you were gonna claim me or somethin’.”
“Mmm, I might have, if it weren’t for the taste of your blood.”
Marshall opened his eyes, looking into Isabella’s. “Really, what’s wrong with it?”
“It’s really sweet. Like as far as blood goes, it’s too sweet for me. I’m sure someone else might have a taste for it, but personally I’m not a fan.”
“It’s not the sweet tea, is it?”
Isabella gave Marshall a troubled, uncomfortable stare, like that of a father who must explain to his wurm daughter that her dreams of becoming a theoretical physicist are never going to come true.
“So… ya got any panties I can have?”
“What, you want mine as a trophy for fucking me?” She raised an eyebrow.
“W-well, not exactly. Ya see, those other guys you saw are my friends. We raid panties and just got contracted to steal like 50 of them, and we’re still short.”
“We needed 7 pair at least.”
“Ever since getting blooded, I haven’t worn panties very often. Not sure why, just didn’t feel like putting them on. You can have most of them, I think I got like 10 or so I can spare. Consider it thanks for letting me feed on you~”
“Really? Well thank ya kindly, ma’am.”
“I gotta ask, who contracted you?”
“Do I have to say?” Marshall grabbed the back of his neck.
“It would really really make my day if you told me.” She rubbed little circles in his chest.
“The vampires. Wanted 50 pairs.”
“I’m not surprised at all, really. If you would, make sure you get back at them for me somehow. I got a huge beef with one of them, her name is Cassandra. If you do something, send me proof and I’ll owe you one.”
“Send you proof? Like text?”
“Yeah, gimmie your phone and I’ll add my number.”
“I dunno…” He wasn’t too keen on giving his number to yet another monster girl.
“Come on, we had sex. You’re not really going to deny me your number, are you?” Isabella raised an eyebrow. OI
Marshall sighed, she had a point there. He surrendered his phone to her and obtained her number.
“Well anyway, thanks fer… making this less bad than I thought it was gonna be. I’ll leave once I got enough energy. For now, I’m still more whipped than a bull in a leather club.”
“Take your time, you’re nice and warm~” She giggled, holding herself flush against him.
“Alright, Chap, this is the last room. Pray we find enough underwear in here to satisfy the vampires, or we might-” Church gags slightly, “Have to take… soiled pairs.”
Grabbing the handle with both hands, Church turned the knob with all his might, only to have it click in denial.
“Damn it all, the door’s locked. Did you-”
Church went silent, hearing something creak open from behind the door.
“Hey! What-” a voice from the other side called, before a loud thump cut her off.
The door in front of them slowly creaked open, revealing some Che-Guevara-ass chicken standing there.
“Ah, Comrade Cluckers! I thought you were guarding…” At this, Cheslav leaned in to whisper to the chicken, “…precious cargo.”
“Ah, Cheslav sees. Good chicken, opening door!”
Comrade Cluckers sauntered over to an unconscious dhampir, dropping a bobby pin onto her prostrate body.
“…Chap. I’m not going to ask, but you will be checking it for avian flu if you’re going to keep it.”
“Not of worryings, Comrade Cluckers got over flu, just needed rest and chicken soup to be strong like Serbia again.”
“Isn’t- Never mind, check the closet.”
Cheslav opened up the closet and checked the top drawer, pulling out a wad of panties.
“Ah! Excellent, how many are there?”
“Cheslav counted four.”
“Bollocks, check the other drawers!”
Cheslav opened every drawer from top to bottom, looking through each one very thoroughly. He reached the bottom drawer, looked up at Church and shook his head.
“Are you serious? That can’t be it, they can’t all have so few panties in every drawer! We just need three more, three more to walk out of here victoriously. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we should look for their dirty laundry bags. Maybe we will find some pairs that aren’t that bad.”
Cheslav nodded, letting Comrade Cluckers rest on his head as he sifted through the dhampir’s belongings.
“Hold on, I think I found a laundry bag.” Church grabbed a mesh bag at the back of her closet and dragged it out. “Oh, oh my god!” Church immediately covered his mouth with his sleeve. “That smells awful! Why in god’s name did I even consider taking dirty pairs? Let’s go, Chap. We can figure this out back at the base.” Church scoffed, hobbling out of the room with the backpack slung over his shoulder.
Cheslav looked up at Comrade Cluckers, shrugged, then followed Church out of the dormitory. He stopped outside of the door Marshall had been dragged into as they passed it.
“Eeh, is comrade Church sure we do not get Marshall?”
Faintly from inside, the pair could hear a slightly panicked ‘W-wait! How do you reckon d-drinking my blood is gonna…’
“…S-see? He’ll be right as rain, you’ll see. Safe as houses, he always makes it out alright. I-I bet he’s happy to be getting laid, too! Come on, then!”
“Oh, master! You’re back! How- W-where’s Marshall?” Prudence asked, back at base.
“I… I’m afraid we won’t be seeing him any more, Prudence.”
“Oh! Did he quit the club?”
“No, no… I… don’t think he’ll be making it out in one piece.”
“B-but… What? I thought master said… Y-you said he always made it out! And… I-I mean, nobody would just… O-oh, master… W-why?” At this, the kikimora began sobbing uncontrollably, clinging to Church’s jacket.
“She was blooded, there was nothing we could do. He’s just a faucet now, his soul will be in a better place soon. Let’s have a moment of silence.”
Taking off his hat, Cheslav looked down, while Prudence barely held herself together, Church resting his hand on her shoulder.
“Alright, we’ll always remember him. …Prudence.”
“Y-yes master?” She looked up, tears streaming down her face.
“How much can you bench-press, by the way?”
The door flew off its hinges, clattering to the floor.
“Well at least I’m not a monster fucker.”
“I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”
“I-I’ll get you some iced tea, Marshall!” Prudence stuttered, skittering off to the kitchen.
“I notice you’re alive, by the way. Bit more than can be said for the door, but congratulations on getting laid. How was the old girl?”
“I- fine. She was fine, okay? A really sweet… Uh… Prudence, could I just get a glass of water, actually?”
“Sweet, eh? Well, thank you for your dedicated service. Fornication under command of the King, I’m sure. Our only problem now is that we’re short a few pairs.”
“Wait, that’s it?! Not even going to ask anything else?”
“Unless you have a few extra holes in your dick, I’m not really concerned with how the sex was. You seem alright.”
“H-hey, she wasn’t like that! She was pretty good with her mouth, real gentl-”
“Comrades, Cheslav has plan! If we cut panties in half, have double amount! More than enough for pointy-tooth ladies!”
“Actually, partner, Isabella- uh, I mean that dhampir gave me a couple when we were done.”
“Oh, you got her name, how quaint. I bet you gave her your number, too, didn’t you?”
“Oh, never mind. Come on, get to sorting.”
Digging through mountains of assorted panties, from ‘Junior Ren Faire 2006’ to bat-print, Church finally held up a lacy pair with a ribbon pentagram on the rear.
“Aha! Here’s our girl. Look at this work of art! I’m not sure whether to display this forward or backward…”
Prudence’s ears twitched. ‘A-are they really that nice? Maybe if I got a couple like that he’d compliment me… But then I’d have to flip my skirt and… oooh…’ she shivered a bit just imagining it.
“Hmm… Backward it is. Wouldn’t want something obscuring that design. Prudence, be a dear and put these on the Wall of Triumph, won’t you?”
“Uh, so are we gonna head to the vampire dorms now? Get these things dropped off?”
“No, I’d rather go to bed. Besides, I’ve got a plan for it. Chap, you’ll need a unicycle by tomorrow night.”
“Wait, Church, what the fuck’re you talkin’ about?”