Bonus Episode I: The Raider Menace
Rose was puttering around the front of the mansion, replacing the flowers in the vases, but not doing anything particularly important. She certainly took her job as a maid seriously, but the head maid was a bit pushy about ‘working hours,’ so she was essentially waiting for the clock to run out so she could get back to working on a little something for next wee-
The familiar sound of the doorbell interrupted her thoughts. Well, at least shepherding guests might take up some more of the remaining time.
She pulled the door open, finding three unfamiliar men on the doorstep.
“…Can I help you?”
The tallest coughed, then stepped forward. “Uh, yeah… We’re lookin’ for Lily. Is she in?”
As if any of the maids were allowed to be anywhere else at this time of day. “Yes, sir. Would you like me to bring you to her?”
“Well, I don’t wanna- want to be a bother. We could just go and-”
It was a slim damned chance she was going to let three strangers wander the house unattended. She knew how dangerous it was better than anyone. “Oh, no sir. I insist. Guests are supposed to come first, after all.”
The shortest man stepped forward, looking back and forth between his compatriots and Rose. “Could just-”
Like hell they were getting out of this. She could tell this was going to take at least ten minutes, and there was only half an hour left until she was free. She turned on her heel, cutting off the man speaking. “Please, follow me, gentlemen.”
She allowed herself a little smile as she heard them hesitantly begin following her.
As she led them up the staircase to the second floor, she caught another one of the maids none-too-subtly checking her phone in an alcove. The poor girl nearly fainted when Rose patted her on the shoulder.
“AAAH! O-oh… i-it’s just you, senpai… I thought… I-is she around? I’d better get back to-”
Rose cringed. Why the hell did she always- Whatever, back on topic. “Hold it. Is Lily in the study right now? She’s got guests.”
The other maid rolled her eyes. “Is she ever anywhere else?”
“Oh, I imagine she has to stand outside the door when the master needs to use the toilet.”
The other maid chuckled. “I did hear her chatting with Master-sama a while ago, so I think she’s playing chess with him again.”
Would it kill her to speak like a normal person for one damned day? “Well, Lily’s nothing if not predictable. Thank you.”
Fortunately, the study wasn’t far off. She rapped on the mahogany door as gently as she could, trying not to bother the master if she could avoid it. “Erm, pardon me, Sir, but-”
The man’s voice just barely managed to make it through the heavy door. “Oh, come in if you need to speak with me, girl. I can hardly hear you all the way out there.”
“Ah, of course…” She opened the door softly, finding her master and Lily playing a game of chess by the fireplace.
Of course. Lily almost never left the master’s side. Even if her work didn’t involve serving him, she always seemed to find a way to slip back into the study and suck up to him some more. Rose wasn’t jealous, per se, but Lily did tend to hog him a bit. She even tried to dress like him, for god’s sake! Rose wasn’t entirely sure how she managed to get away with wearing men’s clothes, with the kind of restrictions the rest of the girls had to put up with.
“Pardon me, but Lily’s had some guests arrive looking for her…”
The girl nearly jumped out of her chair at the mention of the men. “Oh! Sir, I joined the polo club at my school, just like you suggested!”
He squinted a little. “Well, I didn’t actually suggest-”
“W-would you mind terribly if we left our little game for another time, Sir? It’s just that… well… we’ve got a big game coming up, a-and… well, if you’d like to come, we’d love to have you! We just need, er… a bit more practice.”
The master of the house scoffed. “…Oh, please do. I’ve got work to do, anyway.”
The next morning, Rose nearly grabbed her maid uniform out of habit. She had nearly forgotten the new term at the college was starting, and she’d just be working in the evenings now.
On the way out of her room, Rose ran into one of the other maids, Daisy, happily bouncing around in her maid uniform. As soon as she noticed, the younger girl dashed up to her, eyes sparkling.
“Good morning, Rosie!”
Ugh. This again. “Would you quit calling me- Whatever. Wait, don’t you have school right now?”
“Well I just wanted to get up early and get a start and talk with everyone before I had to leave! I was just waiting to see you! Isn’t it your first day? Are you going to have fun? Are you going with Annie again?! Wait, what time is it?”
Rose checked her watch, blinking the last of the sleepiness out of her eyes.“I… probably? It’s almost ten, Daisy.”
The younger girl’s eyes began to well up with tears. “B-but I… a-and… w-what do I do?!?! Class already started! Will they think I’m a bad girl?! I didn’t mean to! I just didn’t know what time it was and-”
Rose tried to ignore the fact that Daisy was clearly wearing a small watch. The girl was always a bit… different than the rest of them. “Look, just go get changed and hurry over. You can’t do anything about it now.”
Daisy seemed to be trying to quiver fast enough to go back in time, but she just hung her head. “O-o-okay…I’ve gotta hurry!”
Rose could only sigh when the poor girl dashed off in the wrong direction. She was a good girl, but exhausting to say the least.
Picking up her lunch from the kitchen, she made her way out to catch a bus to the college.
When she got to the bus stop, Lily was already there, standing beside a tall elven girl, who waved to her. “Hey, Rosie. Ready for school?”
“Yeah, you bet your ass I am, Ana. A couple hours without the boss hovering over me are good hours.” Rose said.
Her fellow kikimora straightened her tie and stood up a little taller. “Well, maybe you ought to do your job a little better, then. Sir always compliments me on my work.”
Rose’s eye twitched. “Why? Do you get your nose far enough up his ass that it tickles his prostate? Some of us actually clean the house.”
Lily huffed in indignation, but couldn’t retort before the bus arrived.
A few hours later, the elf and two kikimoras sat down at a table in the cafeteria of the college, Rose visibly fuming.
“Can you believe that damned TA? Uuuu, maybe you should take your time commitments more seriously, Rose. I mean, a day fucking one lab assignment and he’s getting snarky? Your section didn’t even get one!” Rose pointed an accusatory finger towards Ana, who only threw up her hands. “In fact, I’ve got half a mind to teach him a lesson, the prick.”
Lily scratched her chin. “I did hear from the lads in the polo club that he’s like that twenty-four hours a day, even in the dorms.”
Rose scoffed angrily. “He’s doing his doctorate and he still lives in the dorms?”
The elf grinned, leaning in a little. “Well, isn’t that a good thing, Rosie? You’ve been itching to clean out another room since we stole all that poor girl’s underwear last semester.”
Rose huffed. “She deserved it. This is about justice, Ana.”
“Mmmhmm. I’m sure it’s not to impress those fine young men who’ve been stealing underwear. We’re meeting at 7 outside my house again, then?”
“Oh, shut up. And don’t be ridiculous, Lily’s getting us information on his schedule.”
The younger kikimora jumped. “W-what?! No! I’m not doing this again! We barely got away with it the last time! What would the master say if he caught us?!”
“Well, since your nose is so far up his ass, I don’t think he could catch you doing the dishes without an endoscope.”
“Oh, is this it? You’re just jealous because Sir and I have a personal relationship? Maybe if you stopped being so stuck-up around the house sometimes, you could-”
“N-now, now, girls, why don’t we-” Ana was cut off by the two maids, who were completely lost in their own world.
“…Something is going to be stuck up if you two don’t stop your bickering, and I think it’d be a lot less pleasant for the both of you than it would for me.” She said, eyeing the condiments on the table menacingly. The other girls reluctantly quieted down, and she continued. “Now then, there’s no need to be rude, Rose. Lily, you don’t want to do this?”
“Of course not! It’s against… everything! The rules, and Sir’s trust, and… er… You know!”
“Well, nobody said you had to, sweetie. If you want to pass up ingratiating yourself to those nice young boys at the polo club, it’s your own choice.”
“Oh, you know. You said they were having a problem with our dear TA, so I thought you might stick up for them. In the spirit of camaraderie and so on.”
“Well, it’s not like I wouldn’t like to, but it’s just so… underhanded!”
“Well, that’s fair. I suppose a gentleman like your dear Sir would do the same, given the situation. I mean, if it’s not convenient to stick your neck out for your friends, then why bo-”
“You take that back, you harlot! He’s noble and honourable and twice as great as you’ll ever be!”
“Well, apparently he’s more noble than you, as well, hmm?”
Lily pouted, biting her lip. “…F-fine. I’ll do it, but this is for the sake of my lads, not whatever godawful fetish the pair of you have.”
The three girls leaned on a wall outside the boys’ dorm. Fortunately, it was fairly common for girls to be waiting outside for their boyfriends, but their contact on the inside was late.
“You said he’d be here, Lily.” Rose huffed.
“I… well, it’s not my fault! He ought to be here already! He’s probably just cracking open a cold one with the boys somewhere and-”
“Oh, can it. If your beta orbiters aren’t coming, we’ll do it ourselves.”
Ana patted Lily on the back. “Oh, come on. We’ll be in and out faster than you can say ‘harder mommy!’”
The elf patted the younger kikimora’s head. “Shhh. Don’t worry about it, sweetie.”
Lily looked like she was about to object before Rose elbowed her in the ribs. “Shut the hell up before you make it worse.”
Later, that very same raid…
“Is this the one?” Rose asked.
“Three fourty… yes, this is it.” Lily pressed her ear against the door, listening for movement inside. “…Nobody home, eith-.”
“Good. Hold this.” Rose handed off her hat to Lily, rolling up her sleeves and walking back to get a running start before dropkicking the door. She flew straight into the room as the unlatched door swung open with a thunderous crash.
Lily huffed, handing her hat back. “If you’d listen, I could’ve told you it was unlocked.”
“Er, girls?” Ana looked back down the hall, the way they had come. “I think you might have attracted some unwanted attention…”
The younger kikimora panicked. “Wh-what?! Oh no… I can’t get caught like this! We could get kicked out of school! What if Sir finds out? Uh… uh… C-can’t you do anything, Ana?!”
A sadistic grin spread over the elf’s face. “Can I? Oh, don’t worry, I’m an excellent distraction, sweetie~”
“Perfect. Don’t hold back!” Rose called out.
Ana grinned, jogging off toward the sound while giggling sinisterly.
“So, er… How are you planning on doing this?”
Rose looked up from rifling through a chest of drawers to stare at the other kikimora. “What?”
“I mean… are we just running them up a flagpole or…?”
“Look, we can deal with it later. All I know is that this fuckhead is going to have a bad case of dick chafing tomorrow. Check his closet, will you?”
The kikimoras spent a few more moments in silence before they finally found their target.
After a few minutes, Rose and Lily crept down the hallway with their sack of loot, back the way they had come.
“Should we just leave her behind?” Rose whispered. “She’ll catch up, right?”
“What if something happened? We can’t just ditch he-”
Lily was cut off by Ana’s voice drifting out of a door down the hall. “Hey, get back here! We’re not done!”
A man stumbled out of the room in a panic, the remains of his pants around his ankles. Was that? Rose suddenly recognised him as one of the men who had visited Lily the day before.
“L-Lily! Help! I-I was looking for you, and then I got grabbed out of nowhere and-”
Ana walked out of the room after the man, a large pink strapon bouncing with every step. “Oh! Hi girls! Done already?”
Rose began to speak, but realised she had no idea where to even begin.
“You know, if you need more time, I could distract this little cutie for you aaaaall night~”
The man began gibbering incomprehensibly, trying to hide behind Lily in his desperation.
“Ana! This is the boy we were supposed to be meeting!” Lily shouted, shielding the defeated man with her body.
“Ooooh. Whoopsie. I just got a bit excited to try out this little guy here.” She said, gesturing vaguely enough that she could have meant either the broken man clutching at Lily’s pants or the comically large and floppy dildo she had attached to herself.
“I… y’know, let’s just get out of here.” Rose said, reshouldering the sack.
The elf frowned. “But-”
Having split up to draw less suspicion, Rose snuck into the manor last. Lily had gone inside a few moments before to run distraction on the head maid and Daisy, who was guaranteed to spill the beans as soon as anybody asked what they’d seen.
Rose hated bringing all of her ill-gotten gains home, but Ana couldn’t bring it back with her, and it would take a retard to actually leave incriminating evidence at the school. Some guys had already been caught trying to pull that, and like hell she was planning on dealing with that kind of mess.
She’d have to stash it in her room for now and wait until everyone was asleep so she could use the incinerator without any questions.
The front hall seemed to be clear, so she hurried up the stairs as quickly as possible, sparing a few nervous glances back toward the kitchen, where she hoped Lily was doing her job. Just down the hallway and she’d be there. She peeked around the corner and nearly had a heart attack when she came nose-to-nose with-
“Oh, hey Rose-chan.”
Thank god, it was just another one of the girls. Rose just held a finger to her lips and moved on. No time to waste. She was on the home stretch and-
She was smacked in the face when the study door swung open, stopping her dead in her tracks.
The master poked his head around the door to see what he’d run into. “Oh, s-”
There was a long pause as he took in the young maid’s appearance. After what seemed like an eternity, he pointed at the bag she was carrying.
“…and what’ve you got there, then?”
“Then I suppose you won’t mind me having a look, would you?” He seized the bag, then began rummaging through it, finding pair after pair of men’s underwear that were clearly not his. “Are these… stolen?”
“Why don’t you come sit down, my dear.” The man turned and headed back into his study, pressing a button labelled ‘kitchen.’ Oh no. That was-
“Would you come up here? Our dear Rose has something to tell us.”
Not her! Oh god. She could handle a punishment from the master, but if the head maid got involved…
“So.” He sat down at his desk, staring at Rose. “I suppose you’re trying to emulate those… panty raiders so prominent at your school, hmm?”
Rose stayed tight-lipped. Anything she said or did now would only make things worse.
“Well, I can’t-”
He was cut off when a middle-aged kikimora dashed into the room, Lily in tow.
“I CAME AS QUICKLY AS I COULD, MASTER!”
“You would, wouldn’t you? Is there any reason you’ve got L-”
“She tried to escape when she heard you call me! I think she’s up to something…”
“Well, I suppose that would make sense, all things consid-”
Lily looked on the verge of tears, and was nearly vibrating “P-PLEASE SIR! I DIDN’T WANT TO! ROSE MADE ME DO IT! I-I’D NEVER DO ANYTHING BAD LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE! I’M SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY SIR!”
Rose clicked her tongue. She wasn’t surprised in the least, but would it have killed her to just-
“For god’s sake, will you all let me speak?” The master squinted at the assembled women, looking for a sign of defiance. “…Good. Now then, my dear. It seems Rose here has been stealing underwear from somewhere, and she’s managed to smuggle her trophies home.”
The eldest maid paused. “…r-really?”
Rose held her face in her hands. This was it, wasn’t it? She was as good as dead.
“M-Master, that’s wonderful! W-wait, she didn’t get into trouble, did she?”
The older kikimora practically bounced to her Master’s side, hugging him tightly.
“Isn’t it? Rose, my dear, chin up. You wouldn’t believe how proud I am of you!”
Rose was confused. What?
“Finally, Prudence! I was starting to worry about them, you know.”
“Oh, Master! She really is your daughter!” Church cringed a little at the mention of daughters, but the older kikimora carried on regardless. “I-I… we need to have a celebration! Rosie, sweetie, what’s your favourite kind of cake?”
“A-and food! What should I-”
“We need to gather all the little ones, too! Their big sister’s big day!”
The kikimora gave Church a blank stare. “Y-yes, Master?”
“I think it’s time she got her own wall.”
Rose and Lily glanced at each other in confusion while their parents nearly squealed in glee. “Uh…”
“Come along now, girls, I’ve got something to show you.” Church said, almost rushing out of the room with Prudence in tow.
The group reached the dining room, and Church gestured to a wall of empty picture frames, looking back expectantly at Rose. “It’s all yours, my dear. We’re finally going to have a collection again!”
Rose was completely lost. She’d never really thought about why there was a bunch of empty picture frames in the middle of the dining room when there were paintings everywhere else in the house. “Uh, Sir? I don’t really-”
“Go on, then. Pick the best display pair out of your bag there.”
She picked a pair of boxers at random out of the two-dozen-some pairs she’d brought home, and he grabbed them, giving them an impromptu appraisal.
“Interesting. Well, it’s your wall of triumph, I won’t comment. So, where do you want it? Top left, or are you thinking something like an alphabetical? Your mother can whip up a label for it later.”
After much fussing, a single pair of boxers adorned the dining room wall.
“So, you’ll tell us what happened over dinner, right?” An excited-looking Prudence asked.
“Perfect. I’ll be right back down, my dear, I just have something to take care of.” Church turned to the other young kikimora on the way out. “And Lily?”
“Do try and take a little initiative like your sister now and then, would you? I swear, you do nothing but sit around wasting time on playing chess with me.”
“W-wait! Sir? I actually- Sir? …D-dad?!”