Panty Raiders Chapter 1

Monster Girl City College, the campus that first introduced human and monster integration. For 300 years, it has been a social experiment to end the segregation that had plagued humans and monsters.

What ended up happening was unprecedented. The human and monster girl youth ended up getting along surprisingly well, their cultures being only slightly different with several key differences. Namely, monster society was more hedonistic in nature, and most monster girls possessed supernatural abilities. There were a lot of unwritten rules about sex and dating, pretty much all of them were monogamous and taking another monster girl’s mate was socially unacceptable. They often chose their mates by raping them, which although that sounds harsh, it’s really more of a ‘surprise sex you didn’t know you wanted’ sort of deal.


Of course, there’s always a few bad apples…

“Come along chaps, second class is up these sta-” Church paused, holding his cane in front of the two men following him. “-shit. We’ve got a problem.”

A group of satyros were loitering at the bottom of the staircase, giving a wide berth to any students who approached them.

“I don’t see no problem, they’re just hanging there.” Marshall said, scratching the back of his head. “I reckon if we just walked up to them they’d let us pass.”

“You don’t understand, Marshall.” Church glared at him, then lowered his cane. “It’s a matter of principle. Chap, the horn.”

A short russian man in a camouflage tracksuit poked his head from behind Marshall’s frame and produced an airhorn from his pocket, handing it to Church.

“Excellent. Watch and learn, dear boy.” He stuck his cane out in front of him and hobbled over to the group of unsuspecting satyros.




In an instant, all the satyros had gone stiff as a board, and fainted where they stood.

“Haha! Jolly good show. Come along lads, we don’t want to be late, do we?” Church beckoned his friends to follow him up the stairs, Marshall took care not to step over the satyros’ sleeping bodies while Cheslav (called ‘Chap’ by Church) observed all the stares from the surrounding students with indifference.


* * *

“Alright lads, you know our plan for tonight. The gandharva dorm at midnight. I expect each and every one of you to be there. No excuses like last time. Chap.” Church spat, walking ahead of his friends with his usual cocksure attitude. His gait made him look taller than he actually was, which was still fairly shorter than Marshall who towered over both Church and Cheslav.


“Comrade, it was not my fault walmart had sale… on spam and Bits & Bites… and shashlik” Cheslav replied, holding his arms up defensively.

“That sale is still going on today, idiot. Have I told you recently that you disgust me?”

“Da, this morning.”

“Shit, walmart is having a sale on spam and Bits & Bites? I gotta get in on that!”

“You imbeciles!” Church spun around and faced his crew. “Have you forgotten why we do what we do?”


Marshall and Cheslav were quiet. It had been a year since they started doing this whole ‘panty raid’ thing. It was fun, if a bit risky. Even though Church wasn’t the most savory character he was an effective leader… sometimes. If the panties themselves weren’t rewarding enough, the rush was.

Though, they both knew that wasn’t why Church stole panties. They had since forgotten that.

“Uhhh, because it’s fun?” Marshall guessed.


Cheslav stayed silent, as he preferred to.

“You’re both unprincipled fools, you know that?” Church sighed, dragging his hand down his face. “It’s not about having fun, it’s about sending a message. A message that lets the monster heathens in this school know that they can’t just take a male’s submission for granted. We won’t be wooed by their feminine wiles, or allow their rape-happy behavior to go unchecked. They want to harass us in class, we take revenge on them at night. Tell me, you both don’t want to be claimed by Rapey Rachel do you?”


Both guys shook their heads.

“You steal panties, because it’s our way of rebelling against their hedonist grip over our minds! It’s our way of saying ‘fuck you slag, I won’t have any of your poor attempt at courting.’ You’re not idiots are you?”

“No, no we aren’t.” Marshall answers.

“Yes you are, actually. But you’re my idiots. I chose you two because you have a very particular set of skills.” Church turns to Cheslav. “Chap, you’re able to procure anything I need within a day. I don’t know how you do it, but you save me countless hours… days even.” He then turns to Marshall. “And you, you’re a 6 foot 4 yankee with retard strength, if I need a monster taken care of, I turn to you.”

“My ‘retard strength’ ain’t very useful against the stronger monsters, I usually-”

“You still distract them, that’s all I need from you.”

Marshall grumbled.


“So let’s do this, for our honor, and for our rebellion against the monster menace!” Church rallies, his voice full of morale.


“Oh, boy.” Cheslav cheered, though his voice was as devoid from enthusiasm as Marshall’s.

* * *
Esther was walking home from her night class- just before midnight. It was likely that all her roommates were asleep already, so she had to be quiet so she wouldn’t wake the- what the fuck?


There were three men walking down the sidewalk, gas masks over their faces and ear plugs sticking out of their ears. Also… were they wearing two eyepatches each?


“Marshall you fool, stop walking into me. You’re going to run me into the street!”

“Well excuse me, partner. I was the one that suggested we wait until we’re at the dorm to put the eyepatches on.”

“But what if they’re expecting us and stage an ambush! We’ve got to be prepared, boy.”

“Comraaades, of where did you go?”

“Is Chap lost again?”

“Yeah, jus’ a second Cheslav, I’ll bring ya up here.”

“Of thankings, Marshall.”

“Just hold onto the back of my shirt if that helps ya any.”

“Hold it boys, I think I’ve found the wall.”

“Alright, let’s follow it to the back.”

“Careful, don’t make too much- ow! What did I say about running into me Marshall!?”

“That wasn’t me, that was Cheslav.”

“Apologies, tovarisch.”

Only two things ran through Esther’s mind. ‘What the fuck am I watching?’ and ‘Why the fuck am I watching this?’ She turned and walked away, having decided not to bother telling her friends, figuring they’d think she’d gone off the deep end.


Once the trio had reached the backdoor, they took out their earplugs since they would have to whisper from now on. The plan was to jam them back in if they saw a gandharva wake up.


“Alright, this is the back door. Now all we need to do is-”


“Shit, it’s locked.”


“Locked? Well dang it. How are we going to get in?” Marshall asked.

“Wait, check the windows!”

“This will take considerable stealth, and you know how I don’t really excel at stealth.” Marshall said, twiddling his thumbs.


“Well then somebody should have gone on a diet.” Church spat.

“Goddamn dude.”


Cheslav lifted the windows upwards, opening them with little effort.

“Jackpot, lads.” Church whispered. “Now, Chap goes first, then we will both help Marshall in, then I’ll go in last.”

“Da, one moment.” Cheslav surveys the window, then climbs inside, taking care not to raise any alarm.

“Put ass in gear, cowboy.”

“Alright, you pull me through while Church pushes me up.” Marshall reminds him.

With a few moments of effort from all parties, Marshall’s large frame is pushed through the window. In turn, Marshall pulls Church in by his arms, and they’re all in the dorm. They slip one of their eyepatches out of the way so they have at least some idea of where they are.

They’re in a bedroom, a sleeping gandharva lies about ten feet away from them. And next to her, a dresser filled with panties no doubt.

“We’ve done it lads, what luck.” Church whispers. “Nothing like a nice easy heist to break in the new semester.”

“We are not out of Chernyayevsky woods yet, tovarisch.” Cheslav warns, gesturing to the sleeping gandharva who stirs gently.


“Oh shit. Quick, if we hurry we won’t need to cover both our eyes again.” Church hissed. Marshall reacted first, opening the drawer and stuffing handfuls of panties into a backpack that Cheslav was holding open.

“Mmmmnnn…What’s all the racket? Esther is that… you?” The gandharva yawns, pausing when she opens her eyes and sees three men in gas masks wearing eyepatches.


“Quick, the earplugs!” Church snapped, prompting the three men to stuff the orange pieces of foam back into their ears.


“O-oh, are you here to have sex with me?” She whispers, though with their garb she assumed they didn’t want to see, hear or smell her. “…A-am I really that ugly though?”

“What?” Marshall asked, pulling out one of the earplugs.

“No! What are you doing, you bumpkin, you’re going to get swayed by her charms! Oh, blast it all. Let’s go Chap, Marshall can learn not to deviate from the plan on his own.” Church pulls Cheslav by his arm out the window, panties in tow.

“W-wait! Don’t leave- …Without… me.” Marshall reaches out to the open window, but before he can get close, the gandharva wraps her fluffy arms around him.

“Aw, fiddlesticks.”

“Wait, don’t leave yet! I need to know… why did you steal my panties? You know, if you had just asked, I would have given you mine.” She giggled.

“That ain’t the point, miss.” Marshall said, scratching the back of his head nervously. He hated explaining himself to the girls, it was just awkward.


The gandharva tilted her head. “So, why did you steal panties if you didn’t want them?”

In situations like these, Church had given him a canned response to use. “Erm, to send a message or some shit idunfuckinknow.”

“You’re a very confusing man.”

“You should talk to the others if you think I’m confusing.”


“So…” She twiddled her wings. “Are we going to bang?”

“’Fraid not, I have to rendezvous with the others.”

“O-oh.” She looked down, dejected. “W-what if I sing you a song~” She croons, reaching up to touch his face. That was his cue.

“That’s what these are for, ma’am.” He said, stuffing the earplugs back in and hurdling out the window, leaving the poor gandharva to her own devices in her room, now several pairs of panties short.

“Aww. All the dreams I’ve had of getting fucked in my own dorm and I get the panty raiders.” She pouted, folding her arms.


* * *
Back at base, which was an abandoned portable classroom that the school no longer had any use for, all three of them had gathered around the table that lay in the middle of the room.


“Well boys, despite our complications we managed to make off with a good haul. I believe this one-” He held up a particularly new looking pair of beige silk panties. “-will be the one we hang up on the Wall of Triumph.” He beamed, then opened up a drawer that held empty picture frames with glass coverings. He carefully slipped the pair of panties inside, taking great care to keep them properly aligned and pressed relatively flat. Once it was situated in there, he hung it between the ‘f’ and ‘h’ sections of panties they’ve raided. They had a slot reserved for one of every species, though realistically they only planned to hit one or two of the “ultimate challenge” dorms.

“I think this calls for a celebration. PRUDENCE!” Church called, picking up a bell on the table and ringing it. “Get us a pot of Lady Grey- the lavender kind, one milk, and no sugar this time, woman.”


“You can bring a bowl of sugar cubes to the table.” Marshall adds. “And a cuppa ice.”


A small kikimora dressed in a culinary class maid outfit that was standing in the corner snapped to attention as Church literally yelled at her when she was less than thirty feet away. “C-coming right away, master!” She skittered off to the portable that was connected behind this one, which used to be a miniature kitchen. It was filled with snacks and other goodies that Cheslav kept stocked regularly.


“So. Who will be our quarry next, gentlemen?” Church spreads out a list that had the names of all the species of monsters that attended the college. “We’ve conquered the zombies, alps, gnomes, fairies, charbydis, centaurs, bicorns, barometz, gargoyles, holstaurs, angels, goblins and asparas. Now that we can cross the gandharvas from the list as well, I think it’s time we looked to more… ambitious runs.”

“Well, how ‘bout the Ushi oni?”

“Jesus christ, what are you thinking. I said ambitious, not suicidal!”

“I was just suggestin’ partner.”

“Well then, avoid ‘suggestin’’ in the future. What say you, Chap?”

“Cheslav wants to do alps next.”

“Christ Chap, are you a homosexual? We’ve already hit the alps! Are you planning on becoming one yourself?”

Cheslav looks down. “Alps were nice…”


Just then, Prudence came in with a tray containing a kettle, several cups of steaming tea, a bowl of sugar cubes and a glass of ice. “Are you wondering who to hit next?” She asked, giving Church his cup and passing Marshall his glass of ice, sliding the sugar cubes towards him as well. She passed Cheslav and shuddered. There was something about him, something that made her nervous around him. “H-hey Cheslav, here’s your tea!” She placed a cup in front of him.

“Of thankings, tovarisch.”

“Quiet woman, we aren’t asking for your rubbish opinion.” Church snapped. “We need to get more field experience before we hit the particularly dangerous dorms. We need a dormitory with a high population and members that aren’t impossible for a human to subdue.”

“Like alps?” Cheslav asked.

“Oh shut your mouth, you flaming poof.”


Marshall, watching the two argue, quickly grabbed a handful of sugar cubes and furiously stirred them into his tea. Once they were sufficiently dissolved he poured the hot tea into the ice cold glass.




“Makin’ it drinkable.” He replied, taking a small sip.


“You make me sick.”


“You know what is not sick?” Cheslav piped in.

Marshall turned to Cheslav. “What would that be?”



“We ain’t hitting the alps again. How about them wurms?”

“I’d rather not have to use a wheelchair to get around, thank you.” Church quipped, taking a pretentiously small sip of his tea and holding his pinky up.


“Alright, what about the elves?” Marshall suggested.

“Hmmm, they are a populated dorm, and I know I’d be able to take at least six of those knife-eared hippies myself… Let’s make a plan of attack then.”


“How about an afternoon strike? Most of ‘em take either early morning or late night classes and so most of ‘em are asleep around six PM.”


“Six-a-bong, is it? We get out of classes at four, so we need to prioritize speed instead of stealth. We can afford to get caught, but if we stick around too long, those damned beatniks might overwhelm us.” Church ponders. “I think this calls for… Lady Lifts-a-lot.”

“You know, you really oughta change that name.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you petulant fool, I chose that name because it properly describes her noble work.”

“Cheslav also likes name as it is.” Cheslav added, taking out a flask from his pocket and pouring some of its contents into his tea.


“See? Even the Russian dog agrees with me. So it’s settled then, we hit the elf dormitory this Wednesday at six in the afternoon. And if you must take advantage of that Bits & Bites sale, please do it before then.” He rested his face on his hand. “Meeting adjourned, clean up the sugar that Marshall left on the table Prudence.”

“Yes master.”

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3 thoughts on “Panty Raiders Chapter 1”

  1. They’ve been attempting to end segregation for the last 300 years?
    Either shit’s /super/ segregated, or the experiment is pretty shitty.

    It’s unprecedented? That’s not shocking. /Since this university experiment is a world-first./
    If their cultures were so similar, why were they even segregated to begin with? Will this be touched on? Are we going to get some kind of well disguised musing on racial tensions in modern America?
    >that’s still rape.

    This guy best be blisteringly ironic.

    Wait. So these satyros… Are the ones giving the other students a wide berth? So they’re simultaneously loitering and dodging incoming students? How considerate.

    Oh, so this Church guy is just insufferable.

    Yeah. Nah. Nah.

  2. I saw Eyepop’s comments on this on discord and thought I’d give it a chance. I’ve come to the conclusion that this piece wasn’t written for me.

    Don’t get me wrong, I can enjoy slapstick if it’s done well. This came off as high school Drama Club only-teenagers-think-this-is-funny tier.

    From what I gathered of the characters, they fell into these categories of “funny”: the asshole who thinks he’s smart and yells at the others a lot, the big stupid one who receives the aforementioned asshole’s ire, and the guy with the Russian accent who talks about spam. I got their names mixed up in my head plenty during the first half of the piece that I read.

    I couldn’t get behind the scenario, either. Three idiots breaking into a dorm to steal underwear is about as juvenile as it gets. If some kind of ironic comedy was here, I didn’t see any attempt at comedy outside the Three Stooges routine (which works so much better visually anyway).

    In the first half that I read, I found that you didn’t really describe anything. Description only went as far as: there are three guys, there are three satyros, they are on a sidewalk, there is a window, they are in a bedroom. There’s something to be said about minimal description, but this leaves me imagining a pale white void with a floating window in it.

    I would also like to ask what’s up with the formatting. What’s up with the double-spaced paragraphs every few paragraphs? If there are supposed to be scene changes, then they are happening mid-scene. You should always check your formatting before fully publishing something, in order to avoid confusion.

    You should also decide on a tense. There are a lot of instances where in one sentence it will say “he said,” while another will say, “he sits.” The first is past, the second is present. Choose one and stick with it.

    I grinned at “Rapey Rachel.”

  3. Ok, NOW I understand the motivation behind the Panty Raiders. A way of striking back.
    How it’s supposed to do that, IDK. But hey, there are many forms of logic.
    Perhaps after I read a few more, I’ll comprehend what exactly they do with the panties after they’ve gotten a hold of them.

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