Money Can’t Buy Love

“And I expect to see your report by the end of the week. Do I make myself clear? A timid response came through the other end of the line. “Just get it done and you’ll have nothing to worry about.” Samantha hung up the phone and smirked, there was nothing like being in power. Watching people squirm as she pressed down with her sometimes not so metaphorical foot filled her to the brim with glee. Samantha took a sip of coffee and resumed typing. Her home office always relaxed her and instilled more confidence than she ever thought possible. That class she took on Feng shui was really an amazing investment.

Of course she couldn’t take all the credit for her office. Her lovely husband Tom was an interior designer and practically jumped at the chance to help her dream office become a reality. The days they spent looking at color swatches and different models of furniture made him so happy. Samantha on the other hand extracted much joy bossing around the workers as they added on the small addition to the house. Samantha picked up the photo she kept on her desk. It was Tom and her when they went to Bora Bora. Their backs were to the camera as they watched the water crash against the sand. Samantha was resting her head against his shoulder. The danuki blushed and smiled a little as she hugged the photo.

“That trip was so fun.” Samantha mused “We should really go back someday… Maybe this time we could actually try and sleep when night rolls around.” Samantha blushed even more and closed her eyes. “Although I wouldn’t mind doing what we did last time…” Samantha was roused from her daydream by a reminder on her computer.

“Paychecks :(“

Samantha sighed “Well it’s that time again, at least I can make them beg for it.” Samantha thought as she dug around for her check book. “Top drawer?” No “middle drawer?” No “bottom drawer?” No “My purse?” No “My bra?” Samantha pat her chest “Not here either.” “Dear?” Samantha called out “have you seen my checkbook?” There was the sound of paper tearing and someone running down the hallway. Samantha stepped outside her office. She looked down and saw a blank check. She flipped it over

“Follow the paper trail” it was Tom’s handwriting.

“That fool, he knows I hate it when he leaves a paper trail!” Samantha huffed as she made her way down the hall. She heard another check being ripped. Samantha walked into the kitchen and found another blank check in the middle of the floor. On the flip side was a crude drawing of a human face and a danuki face inside a heart. Samantha fought the urge to smile and called out into the house. “Darling can you please stop wasting my checks?! The bank charges $10 to reorder checks on this account!” There was a impish giggle and the sounds of footsteps running through the entryway and up the steps.Samantha walked into the entryway and found another check.

“I love my golden eyed girl” Samantha crumpled the check in her fist.

“Tom!! I this isn’t funny anymore!” Samantha stomped up the steps and found another check.

“You’re so cute when you’re angry” Samantha clenched her teeth.

“Tom I swear to god!! The next payment you get from your current client is going directly to me!” The bedroom door closed. Samantha dashed down the hall and threw it open. While Samantha tried to cut costs wherever possible, she spared no expense in the bedroom. Victorian style with a modern touch, a big comfy bed, a fireplace with two lazy chairs, a connecting bathroom with a nice roomy shower and a drawer filled with exotic oils and toys. Tom was standing in front of the bed with a big grin on his face. There in his hand, was the checkbook.

“Is something wrong my love?” He asked sweetly.

Samantha blew out her nose and charged him. She tried to knock him back onto the bed but failed. Samantha wasn’t the strongest danuki and she only came up to Tom’s chest. Her husband laughed and pat his wife’s head as she groped in vain for her check book. The danuki hopped up and down as her husband kept it just out of her reach. “Toooom! Give it back!” Her husband laughed again.

“Awww, I haven’t seen you all day. Can’t I at least get a hug?” Samantha rapidly beat her fists against his chest.

“You big jerk, quit it!” Tom feigned injury.

“My dear, I can’t believe you’d raise your hand against me! I feel as though I could never recover!” He said in a dramatic voice. He continued to keep the check book out of her reach but turned his back to her and pouted. Samantha hopped a few more times but found it to be a lost cause. She decided to take the path of least resistance. Swallowing her pride, Samantha hugged her husband from behind.

“I’m so sorry my dear, you know that I’d never try to hurt you on purpose.” Tom looked back at his wife. “I’m just so stressed right now, I promise that we can cuddle all night. I love you more than anything in the world.” Samantha squeezed Tom tightly. “That should be enough boot licking right?” She thought to herself. Tom spun around in her arms and pulled her in close. He rested his nose against the top of her head and rubbed her back.

“I love you too, my bushy tailed wife.” Tom tilted her chin up and looked deep into her eyes. “You know what I’m going to do now?”

“Give me back my check book?” Tom smiled

“Even better… I’m going to buy you a bunch of expensive things because I just love you so much!” Samantha’s eyes went wide and she continued to jump for the check book.

“You fucking asshole! You’ll pay for this!” Tom laughed and produced a pen from his pocket. He popped off the cap and began to think out loud. “Hmmm, let me see… Ah! I got it, this check will go towards a truck load of flowers. Tiger lilies, roses, daisies and so many more!” Samantha hopped on her husbands back and reached desperately for the check book.

“Toooom stop!” Tom hunched over and started to write another check.

“And this one will be for a box of imported Swiss chocolate. I’ll even ask for it to be arranged in the pattern of your tail!”

“You idiot! Do you realize how hard I worked for this?!” Samantha hopped off and tried to knock his legs out from under him.

“And this one will be for a trip! You said you always wanted to go to Paris right?”

“You fool! That money is better off in a 4 year CD earning a 3.3% APY!” Feeling her rage boiling over Samantha elbowed Tom in the gut. Her husband buckled over and Samantha tackled him on to the bed. Tom stretched out and put his arms over the side of the bed, determined to write at least one more check.

“And finally, this one will go towards that black dress you’ve had your eyes on for so long. The one that would accent your eyes so nicely.” Samantha scrambled up her husband and forcefully ripped the check book from his hands before giving his cheek a huge smack. “Ouch! What happened to not hurting me on purpose?” Samantha grabbed her husband by the collar with both hands and planted a huge kiss on his lips. Samantha moaned and hit her fist against Tom’s chest. She broke the kiss and looked down at him.

“How do you know about the dress?”

“Remember last month when you fell asleep in your office and I carried you upstairs?” Samantha blushed a little


“Well it was up on your screen. I must say you have exquisite tastes.” Samantha slapped him again.

“Flattery will get you nowhere! Now shut up while I think.” Samantha bounced on his stomach a little. “Hmmm, It’s been awhile since I wore leather…”

“You thinking about the suit with the straps?”

“That’s EXACTLY what I’m thinking about.” Samantha bit her lip and smiled mischievously. “I’m gonna put that suit on, tie you to the bed and get the biggest strap on I can find.” Samantha shuddered with excitement “Ohhhhh, you’re gonna suffer for your sins my love.” Samantha went back down for a kiss and nibbled on tom’s lip. “You’re gonna beg and cry and I’m going to make you lick my boots before you lick me allllll over.”

Samantha felt her underwear getting more and more moist as she continued to lay out her plan. “I’m gonna have you on a leash as I walk you around the house. I’m gonna fuck you in the kitchen and you’re gonna eat me out in the den before we fuck on my desk and I call up my assistant and tell her that I won’t be coming in tomorrow…” Samantha licked Tom’s cheek.

“Tomorrow I’ll hit you with so much manticore venom you won’t know which way is up. You’ll beg me to relive the pressure and I’ll do it ever so slowly… With my foot. You dirty little thief.” Tom’s face grew increasingly flush at her descriptions. “And after all of that, I’m going to have a few friends over and you’re going to be my footstool as I describe in detail what I did to you.

“I have a quick question, mistress.” Samantha made a little circle over Toms nipple.

“What’s that? My pet.”

“After your friends leave, can we cuddle?” Samantha laid down on Tom’s chest.

“Of course, I wouldn’t want my boy toy anywhere else. Samantha placed her ear against his chest. “I want him right next to me so that he knows he’s mine.”

“Can I nibble on those fuzzy ears of yours?”

“Only if I’m feeling merciful.” Tom wrapped his arms around his wife.

“Well, before you ‘punish’ me can we stay like this for 10 more minutes?” Samantha sighed.

“I guess so.” Tom rubbed the small of her back.

“Oh Tom?”

“Yes my love?”

“How about instead of Paris we go to Bora Bora again?” Tom closed his eyes and smiled.

“That would be lovely.”

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2 thoughts on “Money Can’t Buy Love”

  1. Typos:
    > I this isn’t
    > her husbands back

    > 4 year CD earning a 3.3% APY

    I know I’m overthinking this, but given how well the market’s been doing lately she’d be missing out by keeping her money in a CD, even index funds are cleaning up. That said I wish banks were offering 3.3% on CDs, the best I could find is 2.6% for 5 years.

    There were no Beatles lyrics here and that makes me a little sad, even as someone who doesn’t like them.

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