Jinko Heats Up The Beach!

On request by Spazerz.

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTAN!! BRO!!
Tell us a sweet and sexy scenario involving a jinko during mating season on da beach 😛
please?*puppy eyes*

 

You’re scared. Not as much scared as nervous, but kind of scared all the same. You look at the almanac you bought from that friendly Inari a month ago once again in the hope that you misread it. It’s plain as a march hare’s fetish for double entendres.

It’s jinko mating season, and there are thousands of them around your home. They’ll most likely be prowling the streets at all times until they catch someone. You’ve heard all kinds of fantastic tales of their speed, strength, and persistence. Some of them sound a little too unrealistic, like the guy next door who swears he saw a jinko leap right on top of a building from the ground, find the house of the guy whom she was pursuing, leap down his chimney, and then rape him in his own bedroom. Considering a jinko’s strength and the amount of time spent honing their skills, it just might be the case.

You lie around in bed, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Even if a jinko could break into your home, she might get tired of trying to sniff you out or listen to any noise you’re making. Although if the almanac is correct, she could smell the scent of your spirit energy and rape you anyway.

If a jinko did find you, you’d feel really powerful vibrations in your chest, warning you of the impending –

Wait. That song is familiar.

Sure it is. Your phone’s buzzing under you while you were lying on your front.

You grab it out from under you, fumbling with the screen, and swipe the call icon to the right. The call display appears, showing your best friend’s name.

‘Hello?’

‘How’s it goin’, man?’

‘Couldn’t be better, pal. I’m calling since I need you to do me a favour. A really big one.’

‘Yeah, man, yeah. Anything. What ya got?’

‘I need you to step out of your house and reach the beach.’

‘Whaaaaaaa?????!!!!! That’s insane, bro, I gotta tell you –’

‘I know!!!! I know, bro, all the jinkos within a five-hundred kilometre radius are horny as fuck and will all glomp you if you leave!!!! But – it’s special, man. You’ve got to see whom I met. She could be the solution to the temporary troubles you’re having, too.’

‘She? Look here, buddy, you better not have –’

‘Sorry, man, I think she’s gotta tell me something else. Later! Be there.’ *CLICK*

You swear under your breath, dropping your phone and collapsing face down on the bed. Today’s not going to be your lucky day.

How the hell could you get roped into this? You could murder your friend and feed his body to the werewolves, though you’ll still be swamped by jinkos.

You sneak through the backyards, taking the shortcut to the beach you know so well as a child. It’s the one you used when you wanted to avoid the sun until you reached there, so you could put up a sunshade. Also, it was useful for avoiding that little shirohebi who always had the end of her tail wrapped around your leg or wrist whenever she found you. It was cute, but annoying when you had to separate from her to do something else. She just wouldn’t let go, and you were forced to tickle the end of her tail or poke her several times with your pencil so she’d let go. It was hilarious how she pouted for the rest of the day next to you whenever you forced her to release you, though she still followed you around like a puppy. You usually teased her about how she can never get a grip on anything, and that would make her pout further. Teasing her was one of the highlights of your life.

Shame she moved away. Maybe she actually liked you, so if you two were dating right now, you’d have no trouble with jinkos.

Maybe.

Right now, you’ve got zero protection, and we’re not talking about condoms.

Somehow, you make it to the beach without incident, though you had noticed jinkos scurrying around in the bushes and the streets. They were whispering about how hot it was and how much they needed a special kind of lotion. You didn’t want to think too much about it, but you were quite sure they didn’t mean suntan lotion. And it wasn’t that hot, you were wearing normal clothes. Did these jinkos in heat feel the burn dressed as they were, with a pathetic excuse of a tiger stripe bra and panties which looked like shredded tiger skin? Dear Ilias, they couldve shorn it off a real tiger, their demonic mana or power, whatever it was, made them several times more powerful than a human or a tiger.

You look around for your friend, hoping you could give him a piece of your mind. And manage on what you have left, naturally.

‘Hey.’

Oh shit. Fuck. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit – that’s definitely not your friend’s voice.

You turn around slowly, expecting the worst. You come face to face with –

A jinko.

Perfect.

Just what you wanted.

‘Hey, bro!’

It’s your friend. What’s that prick doing stepping out from behind the jinko so casually?

‘Mark? How can you –’

‘It’s all right. Meet Monica – she’s a great one to hang out with, trust me. I was talking to her for the past hour, and believe me, she’s nothing like – well, you know.’

‘Ohhhhhhhh, already having second thoughts?’ purrs the Jinko. ‘Relax, I’m very much in season, but I can assure you this kitty won’t bite! Nice to meet you.’

A white tail connected to a beautiful female torso slithers out from behind Mark.

No.

No. No. No.

‘Hello!’ greets your childhood shirohebi tormentor.

‘Ai??!!! What are you doing here?’

‘Mark and I are a couple!’ she declares cheerfully.

You turn to Mark with raised eyebrows. He shrugs helplessly.

‘Meh, she’s just the clingy type, ’ he says. ‘She couldn’t cling to you forever, so she decided to cling to me.’

‘Oh shush. I still haven’t forgotten my childhood crush, but it’s you I love.’ Ai says, swatting his butt with her tail. Her gaze falls on you and she looks mournful. ‘You never wanted to stay with me. I kept clinging to you because I was so close to confessing my true feelings about you each time – and every time I was going to say I want to be with you, you’d tickle or poke me so I’d let go of you. And what was left unsaid, remained left unsaid.’

‘Oh well, let bygones be bygones,’ interrupts Mark, even as Ai keeps looking at you shyly, yet with conviction in her eyes and voice. Could she still have the same feelings for you? No, surely not. No one is crazy enough to keep childhood crushes into adulthood, those things usually don’t work out. ‘I told Monica here about you and that you were single ’ – you glare daggers at him – ‘and she says she’d love a cute little boy to call her own. She’s as lonely as you are, and she doesn’t like to talk much, just feel the unsaid sensations of love.’ Monica gives a shy, yet adorable giggle which leaves you staring at her even as Mark keeps talking. ‘I honestly thought you’d be perfect together, so I’ll be leaving you two. Try to get along!’

Before you can say a word, he’s taken Ai’s hand and walked away with her, chuckling and laughing about something random. They’re discussing about a reunion of their old school friends and whom to invite. You’re left along with Monica.

You look around, wondering why Monica doesn’t seem to be around … oh, she just sat down on a beach towel. She smiles benignly at you and pats the place next to her, leaning backward with her paws on the ground and her body resting on them. You notice her clothing isn’t any different from any other jinkos, but she seems a little different from the rest.

‘Care to join me?’ she asks, that gentle smile playing around her lips. You feel a strange heat rise to your face. Her words were normal, but her voice was so sultry and steamy that it sounded as if she was playing with herself in her bedroom and wanted you to join in.

You shuffle over to the part of the beach towel she hasn’t occupied and seat yourself, drawing your knees up and hugging them. You look over at her, blinking in the bright sunlight, though your eyes can’t leave that perfect body.

It’s clear how much effort she puts into her bodybuilding, or how good her genes and demonic energy is. Her body is sculpted out of marble. Powerful, shapely calves, joining smoothly to those thick, muscular thighs, and then that tiny bit of stripy cover on her pubic region. Her abs are her most interesting feature – it’s like an artist carved them into her ripped bod and left them there to solidify. Each and every crevice of her eight-pack is clearly defined. They’re not just there for looks, you can tell they’re rock solid and would probably break the wrist of someone who even tried punching her. They’re cut out of solid rock, and even her navel looks sexy by how it goes inwards. Her breasts are surprisingly huge, probably in the F-cup range, maybe 38″, though you’ve never really bothered to measure all the mamono who hit on you. That might have been useful. No normal woman could take steroids and have breasts fit for a nursing mother. Her skin is slightly tanned and creamy, and you can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have your tongue rolling around those abs and breasts. They’d probably feel like warm cream you could lick off her body for hours, or cool yogurt flavoured with mocha and chocolate chips you enjoy eating for health reasons. Her neck is covered in hints of muscle too, the sides bulging outwards slightly, and there are a few prominent veins where it joins her shoulders and chest. Her arms are ripped as well and look like barbells if seen together. The veins and muscles there are standing out proudly, as if to say we’re tasty, but only if you can stand the amount of time it takes to massage us. Her biceps are huge, bigger than the male or female bodybuilders you know, possibly in the 26″ range. They end in fluffy paws which have gel-like, surprisingly soft pads, but those claws look sharp enough to rend a watch tower or electricity pylon in half. With no recoil damage.

‘See something you like?’ purrs Monica.

‘All of you,’ you say reflexively. You rub your face after that, embarrassed, wondering how you could be so blunt.

The jinko blinks in surprise and then starts chuckling. ‘We’ve got quite the forward young cutie here. What do they call you, dear?’

‘I’m Anon Ymous,’ you respond.

Monica places a soft paw on your hand. ‘Nice to see you enjoy ripped girls too, Anon. Most guys are into ultra-feminine, soft girls who look like their mums. You’ve chosen the FBB route, eh?’

‘In your case, I’d say yes.’ You smile shamefacedly, moving closer to her. ‘I’ve been curious about what makes a woman ripped and roaring, but I thought I’d be laughed at for not liking traditionally feminine women.’

Monica pats your hand. ‘It’s nothing to worry about, hun. Times are changing, and us girls know how painful it can be for you men to work out all the time and eat just the right stuff. We might know and sympathize with you better than any “feminine” chick who wants you to be rich and willing to spend it all on her. Or worse, hand it to her in a divorce.’

You nod, your eyes resting on those amazing abs again. God, they look so soft on the outside, yet steely from within. Would she let you touch them? You couldn’t dare ask direcly, but maybe some mutual feeling up is okay?

‘If you’re around here for a while, would you mind helping me with this?’ Monica asks, handing you a little bottle of suntan lotion.

You swallow hard and take it. This is kind of what you fantasized about, touching that ripped body, but in this fashion? You as a personal masseur rubbing down a horny jinko and feeling the muscles in her back squirming at your touch, perhaps having that powerful ass tightening under your skilled fingers as heat rises from her loins to your nose?

‘Paws are not much good in applying this, since fingers are more dexterous,’ smiles Monica. ‘Do try to cover my whole body, I’ve got nothing to hide and I’m quite comfy. You up for it, honey?’

You gaze into her sharp blue eyes as she cracks her shoulder muscles and looks back at you. Her tail is swishing around in excitement, she really wants this. There might be no going back, but since she’s been perfectly normal and natural in conversation without jumping you and demanding that you fulfil her lust whether you want to or not, the gears in your brain are begging to satiate her desires. You nod.

‘Wonderful. Don’t be shy, massages feel good for both the giver and receiver – when they’re us.’ She gives a low chuckle, the laugh escaping from her toned belly and emerging from her mouth almost like an echo. ‘I think you might be getting a burn too, so I’ll be rubbing your cute little bum and chest down with some liquid protection too, don’t worry.’

She lies down on her front and unhooks her bra, letting the fasteners fall to the side. Her entire glorious, tanned back is exposed to you. You gaze at the muscles rolling up and down it as you raise a shaky hand with the bottle over it. Lotion dribbles down on one of her shoulder blades, spreading across her back to the middle and reaching the lower bit, just above her ass.

You swallow hard at the sight of her powerful back flexing as she rolls her shoulders and cracks some more tight muscles. Although the whole of her seems really tight and strong, that lovely big tush, abs you could sharpen rocks on, and thighs rippling with muscles are the things you could watch forever.

Or touch, like you’re doing now. Your hand brushes against her bare back. Her shoulder blades feel like enormous lumps of steel. Her back is smooth and actually really sexy to look at. You feel a stirring within your loins looking at her ripped body. Your hand brushes further down, against some more hard, bulging lumps in the middle of her back. Ilias, she’s the kind of woman whose body you’d love to borrow and give yours in exchange. She’s powerful enough to break you and the rest of the people on the beach in half, and yet her demeanour is so gentle and sophisticated. Maybe she’s your type of woman.

‘You can look and touch, darling,’ says Monica’s husky, gentle voice. ‘I won’t bite, only purr.’

You hastily scoop up the lotion puddle flowing down her back into that muscular ass crack, and start spreading it over her back. You start massaging it into her back, paying close attention to her shoulder blades and her lower back.

Monica purrs happily as your hands rub and knead her sore muscles, making them all shiny and slick. She looks over her shoulder, gives you a pleased grin and throws you a sultry wink. You blush and look down at her body, continuing the massage as she places her chin on her paws and lies back down. She sighs heavily and jiggles her butt, non-verbally telling you she’s enjoying the massage.

You cover her entire back with lotion, and then move on to her bulging arms without any need for cues. You change positions, swinging a leg over her back and sitting on her, your torso bent forward to reach those toned arms. It’s a little hard to reach, she must be really tall – well over six feet, and built like a tank.

You start turning her arms into shiny, gloopy pieces of rock, because that’s what they feel like. You don’t think you could stop massaging even if you wanted to. The delicious contrast between her smooth, flawless skin and sexy, toned muscles which feel like titanium are giving you a growing problem in your shorts. You rub down her shoulders, upper arms, lower arms, and finally reach her fluffy paws. You wipe off the excess lotion on a towel and start kneading your fingers into her paws, feeling the softness and the fluff on her wrists. It feels quite nice, much to your surprise. You keep doing this for a few minutes, her pleased moans telling you you’re doing it right.

‘You know, dear, that feels really good – how about doing my front?’ she whispers.

Before you can say anything, Monica has flipped over on her back. You’re tossed up into the air a little way as her powerful body executes a perfect 180º spin. You land back down on her toned abs as she grabs your hands and quickly places them on her breasts.

You blush hard. This is so sudden – how could things happen just like that??! Impossible!

She starts moving your hands around her boobs, sighing softly each time your palms brush across her rock-hard, stiff nipples. You take some initiative and start rubbing lotion on them, your face still red and burning from the unexpected series of events. You’ve barely said hi to this woman, then you’ve massaged her oh so sexy back, and you’ve now got your hands on a perfect set of 38″ DDs.

You keep rubbing her boobies back and forth, playing with them, fingers circling and pinching her nipples. She’s clearly enjoying what you’re doing – her pussy is rubbing against your butt through your shorts, and to your embarassment, you can feel a really big wet spot on her panties. You look at her, wondering if she realises what she’s done. If she has, she clearly doesn’t care. She’s running her paws over her abs and smiling at you, the hints of what she wants to do to you completely apparent in her eyes.

You grab both her tits, jiggle them around slightly in your palms, your tongue involuntarily coming out to moisten your dry lips. If those jugs didn’t have lotion on them, you’d be licking and sucking them dry for hours.

You move your lotion-smeared fingers to below her breasts, and feast your gaze on those rock-hard, solid abs. Ilias, they do feel strong. You feel an indescribable urge to know what they taste like, and lean down to kiss the first two bulges of her eight-pack, your tongue rolling around them to savour their scent and flavour. That musky smell is probably from her wet little panties which you’d love to tear off with your tongue and chew up so that her juices are part of you and will stay with you all day,

Monica pats your head as you keep worshipping her abs, your nose buried deep in the crevice between two of them. You love this, you want it, and you need to know the odour of her body. Every last bit. You raise your head from your oral ministrations and up-end the lotion bottle over her stomach. You let it pour all over her abs, getting them completely shiny and wet. The crevices and ridges between her eight-packs gleam with moisture. Your hands take up position on them of their own accord, and you rub away at that tummy. It feels so good.

Just as you finish rubbing down her abs and lean down to plant a small, gentle peck on her navel with your wet lips, Monica grabs you with her foot paws and flips you over her. You land on your front, bewildered, as she lands on you with a thump. You feel her huge boobs pressing firmly against your back, leaving it slick with lotion. She’s panting and gasping, clearly unable to control her mating urges. She grabs the lotion bottle and pours some on your back. With a shlick, she pushes her knockers down on your back and starts rubbing the lotion into them. She moves her breasts in circles around your back, her paws rubbing your ass, groping and feeling you all over. You moan quietly into the beach towel as her erect nubs start moving all over your shoulder blades and travel down to your spine. Rubbing her stiff nipples over your spine and the middle of your back, she grasps the waistband of your shorts and tugs. You feel your hard, swollen cock spring free. She pulls your shorts to your knees and leaves them there. Nervously, you look around, wondering what people would say about your naked ass pressing against a big wet cunt in public like that, but then, this is mamono-land where nobody gives a fuck, unless it’s about fucking. Other jinkos and monster girls are too far away to see you, and probably involved in their own shenanigans. It’d be embarrassing to be noticed, but it’s exciting. Kind of. Well, actually it’s so arousing that your cock is harder than ever and leaving precum stains on the towel. You wonder how you can be nervous, a bit scared and still harder than diamonds. Fear boners must be a thing after all.

Monica rubs your buns with her fluffy paws, relaxing you as you sigh and place the side of your face on the towel. She lets the gel-like pads brush against your amazingly stiff and sensitive member, making you moan and thrust into the soft cloth as her titties keep squishing against your back. Ilias, do those nipples never go down? They’re as hard as your enormous stiffy and wet and slick. If only she gave milk … you’d do quite a few things to have your lips pressed against one puffy nipple, her soft, warm breast pressing into your cheek and drinking deeply from her until you’re all full and warm inside. And then she would repeat the same with the other breast. The thought makes your swollen cock throb, and she lets out a pleased chuckle as her paws brush against the tip again.

‘You want this, don’t you, you naughty little boy?’ she whispers. ‘You’re uncomfortably hard there and you need release. I’m in heat and I need your release deep in my womb. I need your hard dick inside my slutty feline box, splitting open the head of my cervix, pumping its hot, boiling load deep inside my womb to get me pregnant. I need your sperm as much as you need to release it, and I’ve always found you intriguing since your friend told me all about you. I know there’ll be less chatter and more fucking with you around. What do you think?’

You let out a grunt as her nipples press against your shoulder blades. She’s on top of you, topless and almost naked, pinning you down with that body fit to smash boulders. She wants you. You know you want her abs along with the rest of her, and you haven’t even felt those sexy, fit thighs. You could be hers now, and explore her body thoroughly with your tongue later. You could be the one sitting at home every night, exchanging gentle kisses which would turn into a full muscle worship and heated, sweaty fuck session. You want her strong arms around you every night when you sleep, hearing her singing softly in your ear as you doze off, feeling safe and protected. You couldn’t care less about your xenophobic thoughts against monster girls, this hottie has proved them all wrong. She knows what seduction is and hasn’t attempted to rape you. She knows what she’s doing – not being pushy yet persistent, getting both your clothes off, carrying out an activity together which would get both of you aroused, and then ending with a much more happy ending than those Thai masseuse parlours.

‘Please take me.’ The words rise to your lips, unbidden. You don’t feel any pressure or compulsions from her. It’s a perfectly satsfying, mutual decision.

‘Huhuhuhuhu. I’ll take you in ways no woman would’ve taken you, and no one ever will. I can sniff out your virgin scent, little boy.’

An even more fiery blush rising to your face, you close your eyes as she spins you around and tugs off her sopping panties.

Her fluids have leaked out so copiously that they’ve stained the seat and front of her panties, and are still sticking to them. She peels them off slowly, wet strands of arousal leaving her pussy as if they’re afraid to be removed. Even as she drops them on the ground and squats over your painfully hard erection, her fluffy paws caressing the sides, sticky strands still connect her quim to them.

She presses her wet pussy to your shaft and starts grinding against it, getting it all wet and slippery. Whimpering and moaning, you struggle to thrust upwards and enter that warm, wet cave of hers, but it’s quite impossible without feeling where her hole is, and the fact that she’s holding you down by the arms. You look up at her grinning face pleadingly. Ignoring you, she slides her pussy slowly up your shaft, leaving an ocean of wetness falling down your thighs, and places the tip of your cock at your entrance. Much to your frustration, she doesn’t put it in and instead pushes your cock down further, squeezing the top part of your shaft against her warm lower lips and letting it slide down to your pubic area. She removes a paw from your shoulder and starts caressing your balls, rolling them around with her digits and massaging them gently. Her paw pads feel amazing, just the right amount of pressure and gentleness without hurting you. You really need to be inside her now, though, your dick is bursting with desire.

‘P-Please,’ you whimper.

Monica looks down at you, a gleam in her eye. ‘Please what, dear? Please you? Sure.’

She lifts up her hips slowly, her pussy lips still brushing over your member and making you moan. When she reaches the head of your throbbing, turgid member, bursting with love juice and need, she starts going back down again. Her sloppy muff has soaked your crotch completely, no lubrication needed. She lowers herself while brushing her cunt all the way down against your aching boner. Her pussy finally rests on your pubis. The tip of your cock is brushing against her tail, and your actual shaft is squeezed into her big, deliciously round rump. Keeping your cock trapped between her tanned, glorious ass cheeks, she starts giving you a very sloppy buttjob, her juices messing up her crack as she moves up and down, gripping your cock hard with her bum and masturbating you with it.

You look around, the intensely public setting of this assjob keeping your member so hard you’re afraid it’ll burst into flames or blow up harder than a foundry’s faulty equipment. Your hot cum would fly into the air and land back down on those smooth ass cheeks, drenching Monica with your seed and marking her as yours. Droplets and streaks of cum would be all along her ass, perhaps stretching across both buns, or anyone who took a photograph would see a huge stream of cum covering her from her butt to her back, reaching up to her neck. The thought makes you thrust up harder and faster into her ass, moaning.

Chuckling at the effect the butt masturbation had on you, Monica suddely lifts herself and lets your cock plunge deep into her, finally letting you pound her pussy, You’re so backed up and frustrated from the unsatisfying assjob that you fuck her at double warp speed, your tool buried deep in her fertile fields and ploughing her harder than any rake or hoe would. You go on at it hard, fast and furious, leaving her in no doubt about how much you want her and how she frustrated you.

Monica keeps slamming her hips up and down on you, gasping and growling with need. Her pussy walls clench tightly around your dong, squeezing and making milking motions. She’s determined to drain your balls and have that hot spunk swishing around inside her womb, perhaps cumflating her with a ton or two of semen. The thought gets you to harden like concrete inside her as her pussy keeps struggling to milk your balls dry. She already teased you so much that you’re nearly over the edge.

With a loud moan, you erupt a hot shower of seed deep inside Monica, gasping and hissing as you thrust your hips upwards deep into her cunt. Monica lets out a few growls and roars, your naked, lotioned bodies glistening with sweat and rubbing up against each other. You keep thrusting your hips and pumping more cum into her. It must be that mamono mana or magic shit which has kept you going for so long, and helped you ejaculate a couple of litres worth of man-juice deep into her cunt. Maybe staining her bowels white would be a nice touch. You’ll definitely be trying anal next.

Monica thrusts her hips up and down, milking the last drops of your seed with an ahegao expression on her face. She lets your softening cock slip out of her along with a huge pool of pussy juice and the semen you just exploded into her. Reachng down with a paw, she wipes iit up and brings it up to her mouth to taste. She puts out her tongue and licks it, moaning. The first guy she gets will have to be a genius or moron to face them.

Monica leans down and kisses you, smiling. Her eyes clearly show more than emotions for a one-night stand. They’re shining with love and tenderness, which is so adorable from someone who’s spent half their life bulking up.

‘That was just round 1. Want me to continue this at my place?’ she chuckles

You moan and hold up a palm. ‘Just … need … to … rest …’

‘After that, we’ll be relieving a lot of frustration in my bedroom for the rest of your life, y’know,’ laughs Monica. ‘I certainly hope my cute little husband is up to the task!’

She leans forward, completely naked and lovely, kissing your mouth and holding you against those large bazooms. Guess your hands and mouth won’t be leaving them for a long, long time.

And that’s how you like it.

LackingFairGoodExcellentPerfect (18 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
Loading...

6 thoughts on “Jinko Heats Up The Beach!”

  1. Mark is a dick for making the main character (who was never actually introduced to Monica and whose name we don’t know) risk becoming the caboose in a tiger train to set him up with a jinko

    On the subject of tigers, where does he live where there are so many jinkos? And do they all sync up their mating seasons like women allegedly sync up periods? Cuz that’s a bit of a myth

    > “You’ve got to see whom I met”
    This might be grammatically correct, but it sounds fucking weird

    > “will all glomp you”
    This is a personal thing, but I find it difficult to believe anyone actually uses the word “glomp” outside an anime convention

    > tiger purring
    I know I’m being a pedantic fuck with this one, but tigers can’t actually purr, they chuff instead

  2. Volcano brings out a few points, but all in all I say it’s still a good story.
    I’d recommend having a friend read the story for you for some pointers in the future. A friend who will give you some good honest advice as opposed to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre ‘editors’ that are so prevalent.
    Keep up the good work.

  3. It was a good, sexy read for a Mamono I usually bypass in favour of Minotaur. In particular, I enjoyed the use of Geography for her muscular structure.

    Two little personal points I would like to highlight:

    I don’t feel the MC was ‘roped’ into meeting his friend. Maybe I’m missing some sort of social convention thanks to being an awkward fuck around people (often on purpose), but a fleeting phonecall probably wouldn’t get me to shift my arse. Maybe a few sentences about rolling around on the bed, curiosity gnawing at your common sense until you decide ‘Fuck It!’ and see what the fuss is about. Of course, the character has to go, otherwise it would be a rather short story.

    Shamefacedly: I know it’s a proper word, but it just sounds awkward. It pulled me from the story as I rolled it around my head before deciding it just didn’t work for me. A bit when you here someone speaking Gaelic; a beautiful language that flows effortlessly; suddenly say Helicopter like some for of linguistic burp.

    Still a good story!

    1. I feel you, I’m awkward AF around my own friends. I suppose that’s the result of the story sounding odd in how the MC just had to run to his friend for no reason at all other than a simple phone call with a potential date. I couldn’t think of anything else to make the character get off his ass, since it was my very first tale and I was told by the requester to keep it short :P, so I thought, screw this. If someone’s got trouble wrapping the idea around their head with helping a friend, oh well.

      I’m not sure where the word ‘shamefacedly’ is used apart from the US and some of Enid Blyton’s tales (if I recall them correctly, like when Timmy the dog gets caught gnawing at food which isn’t his), but it feels all right in my mouth apart from the pronunciation.

      Thanks very much once again for the support. You do a really good job of combining sincere appreciation with what you read along with proper and constructive criticism of what feels wrong or could be improved, if at all. Nice work. I’m wondering if I should set up a firm and give you and NightmareAura jobs as the devil’s advocates there. XD

      ‘To profits, and to happy reading!’ would be our tagline.

Leave a Reply