Cheshire-Chan Blues

On request by NightmareAura.

Can I make an one-shot request?

NightmareAura

 

You said you like April Fool’s, so how about a trickster Cheshire Cat who pretty celebrates April first like Christmas.

No rush for this one if you decide to do this.

 

NOTE: This is also a greentext, my second one, hopefully an improvement over the first.

 

Fetishes: None

 

Tags: monster girl, monster girl encyclopedia, Cheshire cat, comedy, funny, April Fool’s, pranks, humour

 

> ‘You can do what I do, move like a make a move, groove like I make a groove

> ‘You can do what I do, move like a make a move, groove like I make a groove

> ‘You can sex like I sex, flex like I flex, I’m the best from the East to the West

> ‘You can step to this, kiss like I kiss, shake your hips like I shake my hips –’

> SLAM

> You hit the top of the clock radio

> Who the hell changed the tune 

> It always played Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

> A face forms in midair

> Purple ears

> Purple fur

> A grin like a Cheshire

> Because that’s who it was

> ‘Fufufufufufufufu, happy to see li’l ol’ me again?

> Dammit

> Stupid pussy (heh) always troubled you at work, why here?

> ‘What the fuck’s your problem?’

> ‘Oh, you know. It’s the first of April, darling, why don’t we celebrate a little?’

> ‘Screw you.’

> ‘Anytime, dear! Just give the word and you can screw me over the desk!’

> Giggling, that damn pussy disappears

> Fuck this

> She’d be on your back the whole day

> Last year, she constantly pranked Joey

> He couldn’t get her off his back, had to constantly put up with the stupid prankster

> There was her silly giggle again

> Somehow, she thought it was a good idea to latch on to you

> Probably because you were new in the office

> Anyway, it was now time to get up and leave for work

> You went to the bathroom

> Open toilet seat

> WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON THE WATER

> There was a scary face of a Frankenstein’s monster in the toilet

> You almost climbed the walls, wondering how monsters under the bed had become monsters under the sewer system

> That damn Cheshire’s face appeared in midair

> ‘Fufufufufufu, you got worried about that? See? It’s just a picture.’

> She lifts it from the seat and shows it to you

> She had stuck a picture of the monster under the toilet seat cover and then waited until you opened it

> You threw a towel at the Cheshire

> She teleported away and it went through her, landing on the floor and getting it all dirty

> Fucking faggot cats

> You swore to get your own back

> But it was still time to get ready

> You took out your toothbrush and toothpaste

> Put a large pea-pod sized piece on it

> Hold it

> Why was your brush wooden

> Argh

> That faggot cat replaced your brush

> With a stick of a plant herb

> Bitch

> She didn’t appear again though

> Resigning yourself to your fate, you started rubbing the stick against your teeth

> ‘It’s supposed to be chewed to clean your teeth, my dear.’

> You nearly jumped out of your skin

> There was that goddamn cat again

> Why did she do this

> You threw the toothpaste at her

> She vanished again

> Bitch

> You chewed up the herb

> Tasted weird

> Of course, it had toothpaste on it

> You ran to your garbage bag and spat it out

> That cheshire was gonna pay

> You rinsed your mouth for a whole fifteen minutes

> Walked to the closet to put on your clothes and jacket

> There’s that damn grin again

> It faded as you threw a punch towards it

> Fucking faggot cat

> You put on your clothes

> Went to the kitchen

> Odd, you don’t remember leaving cereal out for yourself

> Oh well, whatever, it saved you time

> You took a spoon and dipped it in the cereal

> Swallowed the first mouthful

> Not bad

> Just the right amount of sugar, too

> You went for a second spoonful

> THUNK

> The spoon hit the cereal without going in

> Huh?

> Who’s heard of solid cereal

> You tried again

> No result

> What the –

> You saw bits of ice in the bowl

> Goddamn it

> Someone already put cereal and milk in the bowl and left it in the freezer overnight

> Asshole

> Who could it be?

> You didn’t have to look far

> That stupid grin across the kitchen table

> Cunt

> You’d pay her back for this if it was the last thing you did

> Well, you were getting late for work, it might be the last thing you’d have to do today after coming back from office

> You walked to the door and opened it

> SPLASH

> You were drenched

> A plastic cup bounced off your head

> Cocksucker

> Classic door ambush prank

> You looked up to see a pair of smiling eyes float away and disappear

> Jesus Christ

> That cat had it in for you

> You stepped out and checked for your keys

> As usual, they were inside

> You opened the door again a little more slowly looking for more traps

> Nothing yet

> So far, so good

> You looked around the house

> No keys

> As usual

> You searched high and low, looking under the table, the cracks of the cushions, and the buttcrack of your mattresses

> Well, exploring butt cracks could be nice

> If you had someone to do it with

> You looked around the chairs

> There’s the little bugger

> Padlocked to one of the legs of the chair

> Resting on the seat

> What the fuck

> Who could –

> Of course. Who else?

> Something bounces off your head

> You wince, rub the top of your head and glare up to see a fading, mischievous grin

> You look to your right

> It’s a key

> ‘Fufufufufufufu, happy unlocking, little one.’

> Damn fuckin’ faggot cats

> You’d just about had enough of this

> You unlocked your car keys from the chair leg, and ran out to get into your car

> You arrived at your office with minutes to spare

> You went to your room and booted up your computer

> You waited as the desktop loaded

> There it was

> You double-clicked the My Computer icon to load your disks

> Nothing happened

> Huh?

> You clicked even more frantically

> Grrrrrrr

> Why wasn’t it opening

> You tried the other icons

> Nothing

> Why had your computer gone haywire?

> You rebooted it and try again

> Useless

> How could this be happening?

> You Googled for troubleshooting problems

> ‘Corrupted user profile’

> You switched profiles, then told Windows to retain your files and folders

> You logged into the new profile and checked

> Everything worked

> Odd

> It’s not like people have never had corrupted profiles though

> You continued without a thought

> You opened MS Word to start typing up your next report

> You typed a paragraph or so without really looking and then looked up to check if it was okay

> HOLY FUCKING SHIT FUCK

> The whole thing was a mess

> The report had SPACE in several places

> You pressed the spacebar

> It printed SPACE on the screen

> Bloody keyboard layouts

> You went to the Language Bar to check

> Nope, it said US keyboard layout

> You pressed the spacebar again

> Same rotten result

> Why was everything working against you

> You checked the rest of the report

> Wherever anyone’s name appeared in it, it was replaced with ‘[NAME] has a nice arse’

> Dear Ilias

> You couldn’t take this anymore, time to get your own laptop here

> Or tell the stinking IT department to get their asses in gear

> You sent a memo to them straightaway

> Even though it takes a week for them to even read it

> You walked out to get a cup of coffee

> You told your boss something was wrong with the company’s computers

> He takes you to others’ cubicles to check

> He shows you his own PC works fine

> Great, you’re the only one with fickle fortune

> You walk back to your room in disgust

> You press the power button to wake up your PC

> The screen flickers on

> Hold it

> It’s not at the desktop anymore

> There’s a website open on your browser

> Which you didn’t open

> You read the title: Ten Super-Awesome Computer Pranks

> Um

> So … could this be it?

> You read down the whole list carefully

> Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit

> The whole article described exactly what was wrong with your PC today

> You opened Word’s auto-correct feature

> There it was

> Every company personnel’s name was there

> And it was set to auto-correct to ‘[NAME] has a nice arse’

> You found the AutoHotKey script which was causing the spacebar to type SPACE each time you pressed it and deleted it

> Everything was back to normal

> What about the icons which weren’t working in the old user profile

> The last prank explained that

> Take a screenshot of the desktop, hide the icons, and set it as a wallpaper

> You tried it by following the instructions

> Now everything was unclickable

> You reverse the process

> And everything was back to normal

> Who –

> ‘Fufufufufufufu, didn’t enjoy the pranks, little boy?’

> The Cheshire cat appeared in front of you

> Fully this time

> Fully nude

> You threw a paperweight at her

> She teleported away

> And appeared again at the desk

> ‘Stop being so upset. I’m only trying to be friends, you know.’

> ‘You just made an enemy out of me, kitty.’

> ‘That’s harsh for an office boy.’

> ‘Not as harsh as what could happen outside it.’

> ‘Aww, come on. Would you like to go out with me tonight?’

> ‘This isn’t the way to take someone out.’

> ‘Hey, don’t get all serious. I didn’t want to upset you, I was only trying to lighten the mood. Please?’

> ‘Sure, if you can fix this mess.’

> You point to the screen and your messed-up report

> The Cheshire’s face falls and she raises her paws

> Of course

> The claws

> She can’t really type like that

> ‘Fine. You can wait until I do it.’

> You turn back and start typing, ignoring the Cheshire

> She pleads, pouts and offers you flowers, but you just ignore her

> You type it up in record time and leave, ignoring the Cheshire standing outside your door with flowers

> She actually appeared at various spots around your route back home, usually with bouquets or signs saying ‘PLEASE DATE ME’

> You didn’t give a shit

> She actually appeared in front of your car suddenly when you were going to work

> You braked hard and the car screeched to a halt as it went through her

> You leaped out of your car and turned around

> You walked over to some strange image on the road

> It showed the ‘flattened pancake’ Cheshire with pleading eyes, holding up a sign which said ‘I LOVE YOU’

> Yeah, right

> After getting you a couple of black stars at work

> Screw that

> You got back inside and the car purred off to work

> Everyone greeted you and congratulated you at your new productivity

> Mainly because the Cheshire was playing less, rather, no pranks on yourself

> You walked past the Cheshire for the hundredth time, holding up a sign saying ‘I’M SORRY’

> Huh

> You sat at your cubicle

> You coworker leaned over the partition

> ‘Dude, shouldn’t you at least listen to what she has to tell you?’

> He pointed out the Cheshire standing in the doorway, with a sign saying ‘PLEASE FORGIVE ME, DARLING’

> ‘I listened and put up with her, bro. No more.’

> You turned back to your PC

> The image of a sign floated across the top, saying ‘YOU’RE THE WORLD TO ME’

> Sigh

> You had to give her credit for being persistent

> ‘Look, I know she’s annoying, but Cheshires can’t help their mischievous nature.’

> ‘And I can’t help my unforgiving one.’

> Your coworker sighs as he turns back to his computer

> You cast a lazy glance over to her, pouting and holding a sign saying, ‘CAN WE TALK OUTSIDE?’

> Hmph

> You’d rather set fire to your trousers

> You kept working on your spreadsheet

> Yet you couldn’t get the image of her out of your mind

> Odd, it’s not like she’d left a big impression

> You checked the SUM function on one of the cells

> Perfect

> You looked down the other figures and fist-pumped

> Wait

> What was that?

> One of the cells was highlighted

> You clicked it

> It read, ‘YOU ARE MY LOVE, YOU ARE MY HEART, AND WE WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE APART’

> JESUS CHRIST

> Any girl who liked Justin Bieber should be burned at the stake

> ‘Hey, look, I’m sorry.’

> You looked up

> She was behind you.

> ‘I asked one of your co-workers to type that in your spreadsheet for me when you went out for water. Please, darling, talk to me. I know I annoyed you and you spent six hours of overtime figuring out what went wrong with your system, since you were only trained on the job and aren’t that experienced with computers. I could teach you some –‘

> ‘Leave me alone.’

> ‘I won’t do it again. Please.’

> You glowered at her

> She had tears in her eyes, though she was hastily mopping them up with a handkerchief

> ‘Please, Anon. Give me a chance. I didn’t think the pranks would upset you, I only wanted to talk to you. I should’ve realised you didn’t like that method of greeting much. Please understand.

> She was sniffling now

> But your heart was a mountain, you couldn’t just let her behaviour go

> Like the time she made smoking effects appear from your monitor and you ran out yelling ‘FIRE!!!!!’

> You even dragged some of your coworkers along

> Nothing happened, so you went in to check

> Stupid grinning fag kitty was there sitting at your desk

> Waving her hands around and muttering nonsense as smoke emanated from behind your monitor

> It was from a miniature smoke bomb

> Her magic gave the smoke different effects

> Everyone laughed at the prank and congratulated her

> Even a month afterwards, people were hissing behind you or shouting ‘FIRE!’

> You hated it

> And you hated that faggot kitty

> She had done far too much

> And gotten attention from it

> To be fair, you might have clapped too if she targeted someone else

> But being the butt of a joke can hurt a lot in some ways

> There was the time she put a banana peel near the toilet

> You almost landed inside and had to slip and slide around to avoid the toilet and kick the peel away at the same time

> You were quite sure your hair had touched the water though

> So, anyway, no more letting it go

> You finished your spreadsheet and shut down your system

> Flicking the switches off, you walked out, ignoring the remonstrances of the Cheshire

> She teleported to your car and appeared in the front seat

> You sat down, plugged your earbuds in and ignored her all the way home

> Her tears, tempers, and tantrums shouldn’t affect you

> You walked into your home, paying zilch attention to the bouquet she was offering you and slamming the door in her face

> You slept, tossing and turning

> The next morning, when you were going for work, she was still out at the front door, holding up a sign saying ‘I WON’T BOTHER YOU AGAIN’

> Same old, same old

> You drove to work to see her at your cubicle, fresh flowers in her paws and a teary smile.

> ‘Anon, please look at me. I’ve brought you freshly plucked flowers from my own garden, I haven’t bothered you for a week. I know where to get a keyboard designed to endure claws, so I can help with your work too –‘

> ‘Buzz off, pussy ears.’

> You ignored her tear-stained face as you slipped into your seat and fired up your computer

> You sensed her presence all the while behind you as you worked, the silent plea in her behaviour obvious

> Not that you cared

> This went on for a week

> She was always there

> Home, work, and the route inbetween

> No more pranks

> Just more flowers or cardboard signs begging for your forgiveness or pleas to listen to her

> You were harder than stone

> Ha, ha, ha

> As in, your heart

> You just wouldn’t acknowledge that she existed

> That should show her how a breakdown feels like

> She always had wet eyes

> Well, the dry eyes you had from staring at your PC or frustration at figuring out what she did with your stuff had been a headache too

> Karma is a real bitch

> You continued your routine

> Sleep, eat, work, ignore

> She didn’t give up either

> But you weren’t losing this little game

> A week later, your boss announced your promotion

> You were ecstatic

> After all that toil and sweat, you deserved it

> You were invited to an event

> The whole office was

> Oh well, if that Cheshire was there, you knew the drill

> You arrived for the event all decked up

> Everyone was there

> Your boss made an announcement and called you up on stage

> You arrived there to tumultuous applause

> He congratulated you on a job well done

> You nodded and smiled, waving to the rest of the group

> He then said he had something to tell you

> He went behind the curtain of the stage

> You waited for five minutes

> What was taking so long?

> At the moment you were about to go and see what was wrong, he appeared again

> ‘Sorry about that, Anon. It was so hard to get her to come out.’

> Huh

> Oh no

> nonononononononononononono

> He was dragging the Cheshire behind him

> ‘She loves you, Anon. She really does. She’s so upset since you won’t talk to her anymore. But take it from me – Cheshire’s are mischievous with people they like and want to stay with. She promised not to bother you again if you don’t want to be. Let it go and at least try her. Here, I’ve got your table reservations.’

> He handed you two printed reservations

> Screw that faggot cat

> You took them and bowed to your boss

> ‘Thank you, boss.’

> ‘Anytime, Anon.’

> ‘But she’s played her little games too far. I’ll take out someone I actually like. Maybe the cute kikimora from office cleaning services.’

> You turned around and started walking out

> ‘ANON!’

> The Cheshire’s shriek was heart-rending

> ‘Anon, PLEASE, I didn’t mean to upset you. Please go out with me just once and I swear I’ll make it all up to you. I promise!’

> ‘Well, I don’t mean to walk out either, but what to do, my dear?’

> You stuff the reservations into your pockets and walk out

> The Cheshire’s soft sobs follow you out

> You drove back home and walked up to your door

> Your boss was standing there in the pouring rain

> You quickly unlocked the door and invited him in

> ‘Sure, Anon, but I won’t be long. I just wanted to talk to you about that Cheshire.’

> Not again

> You set about making coffee

> You set two cups down and took the chair opposite your boss

> ‘Look, Anon, I know how you feel.’

> ‘Do you?’

> ‘Yes. My wife is a Cheshire. And she tormented me the same way. Please listen.’

> Your boss goes into detail about how his wife played pranks on him

> One was when he was up in a tree trying to get his adopted son’s kite out

> She screeched near him and he fell all the way down

> A few scratches and one fracture

> That’s when her pranks ended since she knew someone could get hurt

> He had also been mad at her, and refused to talk to her for a month

> Her tears and tantrums never ceased

> One day, he came across her injured by a passing car

> He took her to the hospital instantly and admitted her in the ICU

> She was fine apart from the fracture she also received, and he was assigned to take care of her because she had no family

> He did it grudgingly, but also because he did feel sorry for her

> Over the time spent in the hospital bed, they bonded

> He didn’t want to talk much, but she coaxed it out of him by cuddling him close and speaking to him soothingly

> Even though she was the patient

> Over time, he warmed up to her affection

> They shared everything about their lives and developed a close relationship

> Soon, they fell in love, got married, and had kids

> ‘The point is, Anon, we turned into life partners from our mishaps,’ your boss finishes

> He’s been talking nonstop for two hours

> ‘She may have had a bad start with you, but this could be a good end.’

> He stands up

> ‘Would you like to crash here?’

> ‘No, thanks. I need to have my cheshy-poo in my arms all the time. Goodnight, Anon.’

> ‘Goodnight, sir.’

> As he walks out, you cringe at his use of baby language

> Well, it’s clear his affection was genuine

> How the hell could you love a faggot cat like –

> There she was again

> At the door in the pouring rain

> She gazed at you, her eyes sad and melancholic

> You looked back

> ‘Anon.’

> Her whisper was soft, full of affection

> The way she had sounded these two weeks

> ‘Anon, please give me a chance. Your boss made new reservations here. I’ll meet you there.’

> She hands you two fresh tickets

> She plants a soft kiss on your cheek as she teleports away

> You check the address

> La Touche Hotel?

> Hmmm

> Well, if you disliked her, you could sample one of the other mamono there

> You go to sleep with her on your mind

> Not in the dirty sense

> Naturally

> The next day, your boss calls to say it’s off for you

> He also reminds you of the Cheshire

> Yeah, yeah

> You go back to sleep

> You wake up an hour before the timing on the reservations

> Oh hell

> You shouldn’t have slept

> You brush, shower, shave, and rush out to find the hotel

> You ask for directions a few times and get there five minutes before time

> You walk into the lobby, show your tickets, and are directed to your table

> Cheshy-chan is already there

> ‘Hi Anon!’

> She’s dressed up for the occasion

> A long, flowing dress with a deep décolletage

> Not bad, purple actually suits her

> You sit down and greet her

> She seems much happier now that you’re actually talking to her

> You dine together while talking and laughing about  your colleagues and work

> She’s surprisingly normal and cheerful

> Sipping wine, you take a stroll around the park

> All the while making small talk about the sun setting and the birds chirping

> While your eyes talked about something else

> She had a mischievous look in her eye

> Not the pranky type, the sexy type

> This was a sea change

> She took your hand in her paw

> ‘Can I kiss you, Anon?’

> She looked into your eyes for a moment and then, without waiting for a yes, leaned forward and pecked your lips softly

> You savoured the taste of her lip gloss

> ‘What do you say we go back to my place?’

> She kissed your cheek as she waited for your response

> You nodded

> ‘All right, that’s awesome!’

> She stood up and walked out with you in tow

> You both stepped into her sleek car

> She drove off in the direction of her home

> You both made out a little at the traffic lights

> And at a few intersections

> You soon arrive at her home

> The two of you stepped out, closing the doors

> After making sure her doors were locked, she strolled forward to her door

> She inserted the key and swung it open, sweeping her hands apart in a ‘welcome home’ gesture

> You gasp at the sight

> Her whole entrance hall is decorated with the flowers and signboards she kept using to try and get you to talk to her, and the neon lights are glowing dimly to create a more intimate atmosphere

> You look around for her

> She’s gone

> Oh Ilias, not another prank

> You step forwards and call out her name

> She doesn’t answer

> You call out again

> Nothing

> As you’re about to call her again a third time, she starts materialising in front of you

> Her fluffy ears appear first, with her grinning face and purple body appearing next

> She has a crop top and shorts on, different from the restaurant

> She’s in a kneeling position and holding out a box to you

> ‘Will you marry me, Anon?’

> She flicks the box open

> Inside is a little plastic sign saying ‘I LOVE YOU’

> You chuckle at the dud

> She must’ve borrowed it from her mum and made the plastic sign

> Even in relationships, her mischievousness wouldn’t go

> But at least it wasn’t harmful anymore

> You knelt in front of her 

> You took the sign, and pulled out your keychain

> You detached the keyring from it and placed it into the slot near the end of the sign

> ‘I’ll try you on for size, pussy ears.’

> She giggles at your new nickname for her

> ‘I guess I like that. Call me by my new name again.’

> ‘Pussy ears.’

> ‘Mmmmmmm, being called names turns me on!’

> ‘You need to be punished for being a minx.’

> She giggles and runs to the bedroom

> You chase her there, swiping at her tail and ass to catch her and getting quite close, though not enough

> You manage to pin her down in the bedroom

> She lies there panting under you, her soft lips near your earlobe, nibbling it gently

> ‘Take me, Anon. Take your pussy ears. Take your minx and show me how manly you are.’

> ‘Never ask for something you can’t handle.’

> You both undress and make love in her satiny, silky bed

> It was far too comforting

> You both fall asleep in each others arms, worn out

> You woke up late the next day

> Eating breakfast, you didn’t feel awkward at all

> Everything felt just right

> You make love again that night since it’s the weekend

> And every night after that

> It was a perfect time every night to do the horizontal dance ever since you married her

> She was very tender and giving 

> And she was clear on what she wanted from yourself

> You were mostly over your old grudge, you couldn’t have found someone better

> Life goes on this way

> You even go to work together in the same car

> Your coworkers comment on how well you get along now

> Your boss is pleased with the arrangement and high-fives you almost every time you meet

> That cat isn’t so much of a faggot now

> You grow to love her more and more with each passing day

> She’s actually quite sweet and accommodating when you get past her prankster vibes

> She doesn’t stop playing jokes, but they’re very harmless and easily overlooked

> Like how she hung a bug from the ceiling over your face with string

> You got a real shock when you looked up, and when you batted it away, it popped open to show a sign saying, ‘I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER, SLEEPYHEAD’

> You rolled your eyes at that one

> She appeared in the bed and tickled you until you couldn’t stop laughing and begged for mercy

> You stayed in each others arms just like that

> You were late for work, but your boss seemed to have guessed that the lovebirds were having fun and didn’t say anything

> Life was now perfect without a trickster cat and a loving cat waifu in her place

> Two years later

> You have three kids

> You have to chase them all around the house since they get up to pranks, disappearing when it’s bathtime, and leaving paw prints everywhere

> You struggle to get them to wake up in time for school

> Especially as you can have intimate moments when they’re being managed there

> On one such moment, before afternoon when they’ll come home, you’re sitting with cheshy-chan gazing out of the balcony

> You stroked her fur as she sat in your lap, purring contentedly

> ‘Anon, do you remember how all this started?

> ‘How could I forget, darling?’

> She kisses you softly

> ‘I’m glad we forgave and forgot all that. I thought you’d hate me forever.’

> ‘For a moment, so did I. My boss convinced me to give it a shot.’

> ‘Indeed, I asked him to. For our sake. And for those little devils.’

> You chuckle at her reference to the kids

> ‘Say, how about we go and relive the moments of our little spat? I’d like to see those signs I made for you once more so we can recall the times I stood around waiting for you to notice!’

> ‘You’re on, babe. Let’s go.’

> You both stand up and hold hands, or rather, hold hand and paw, and walk in, the memories of how you two first fought, and then made up with each other

> ‘Just one thing. Tell me what you told our boss so he’d try to convince me.’

> ‘Anything you want, cupcake. You’ll know all about it.’

> She starts describing what happened on the day your boss came to your home to talk to you, as you both hold hands, secure in your relationship and knowing that your love for each other has cemented beyond what anyone could’ve imagined.

The End

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