Authors Note: Well we are all caught up now aren’t we? This will be the last Yankee chapter for a while as I work on the Home Improver side of things. Don’t worry, Donnie has plenty of story left. As many of you can guess this story mirrors June’s Revenge and has a different side to things one might say. Anyway I hope you all enjoy the read.
Would it make much sense for me to keep writing to you? I don’t even know if you or anyone for that matter will ever read this. My old journal was lost, who knows where it ended up. Yet if you are reading this, I think you need to know the truth. That the world you live in, isn’t the real one. You see, I gave the Demon Lord (the Maou) the key to a horrible weapon, giving her the power to come to this world and bring about a change that not only affected her own but yours as well.
If you don’t believe me, I don’t blame you. For what I wrote… Well, I guess what I am writing is something that very well makes me look like a mad man. With everything I’ve been through, I’d say you’re not too far off from the truth. But what I have to tell you, what I have told you, is the truth. In the end, if you can ever believe me, I can only hope you will forgive me for the things I have caused… both to you and to the Earth.
I honestly tried to do what I thought was right… What I thought, what I hoped was best for you all. In the end we were all wrong. I was wrong. I’m so sorry…
– Donnie —————-
It was a sound I had heard many times before. Sometimes in dreams, both sleeping and waking. The steady rhythm of a heart rate monitor. In an odd way, it was almost relaxing… soothing.
I opened my eyes only to find fuzzy images. It was dark in the room save for a single light coming from behind my head. A feminine shape appeared by my side and took my hand, giving it a light squeeze.
“Mom?” I croaked. It felt like I hadn’t used my voice in forever.
”Shhhh…” She said comfortingly as she laid her other hand on my head and stroked my hair.
”Oh god mom, you wouldn’t believe where I’ve been. Or maybe it was just a dream?” I whispered horsely, struggling to swallow as my throat was dry and raw. She helped me sit up and put a plastic cup of water to my mouth as I greedily drank until I started to choke. Taking it away, she grabbed a napkin and gently wiped my mouth. My vision was thankfully starting to clear as I continued to talk.
“Mom, where’s dad? I… I don’t know if it was real but…”
Looking down to the hand holding my own, I saw a black sleeve trimmed with white lace. Tracing my eyes up the arm, I was met with an unfamiliar woman blushing slightly, dressed in a French maid outfit. Confusion set in as to why there was a maid, not my mother, next to me. My puzzlement then gave way to shock as I noticed her head. Two green insect like antenna were attached to her head and there was a large yellow compound eye on each side. She was a Mamono, a Mantis.
It wasn’t a dream.
”It wasn’t a dream,” I said aloud, echoing my own thoughts.
The maid shook her head in the negative as she stared down at me. I laid my head back down and sighed deeply. It was real. In some ways I was relieved. Romie and Victoria… they existed. But that also ment that Mamono had come to Earth as well. I looked back over to the Manits as she continued to observe me. The Maou had done it… She opened the gateway. Ilias’s warning to me quietly reverberated in the back of my mind as reality set in.
“Mr. ———-, my name is Molly, I am a servant to her royal highness, Princess Druella. You have been in a coma for some time .” The maid spoke finally.
Druella? Last I knew of her, she was literally fucking over Lescatie. What the hell was going on?
”Just call me Donnie. Where’s the Maou? She sent me back here to take care of some disaster or something.” I asked, yanking my hand away from hers.
Molly tilted her head, perplexed by my question and replied,
”The Maou is not here, I was sent to awaken you in order to assist in an unfolding incident that is occurring.”
Incidents, disasters, fuck ups… same thing in my book.
“Yeah I guess that’s it.” I mumbled, forcing myself back up and swinging my legs around to get out of bed. Throwing off the covers, I found I was naked save for that of one of those loose hospital gowns that never fit right. The maid continued to stare at me while blushing even more heavily.
“So how is this gonna happen?”I asked, pissed for a reason that I didn’t even fully understand.
Her eyes refocused and from a bag besides her, she took out and presented some clothes to me along with… Oh god could it be?
”Winona?!” I cried, reaching for the holster. Grabbing hold, I took my other significant other out and held her up to my face. It really was her! She looked a little older, but I could tell it was her from the way the metal was forged, the blemishes, the style and shape of the barrel. I kissed her chamber lovingly, beyond happy that I had at least one familiar face here. Gently reholstering her, I set my lady besides me as I reached for the offered clothes.
The simple effort of all the movement took a lot more out me than I would have imagined. Looking at my arms I found they were much skinnier, less muscular than what I was used to. It then hit me, this body had been laying in a hospital bed for god knows how long. I didn’t have the same strength as I had with my other body when I was running around shooting bad guys and playing Cowboys n’ Monstergirls over in Never Never Land.
Seeming to sense my thoughts, Molly held out a cup of an unknown liquid to me.
“What is it?”
“A mixture of complex and simple amino acids, protein, glucose and other chemicals you will need for an expedited recovery.”
I hesitated for a moment then took the drink from her. I guess she didn’t have any reason to poison me and if I was going from a hospital straight to goddamn whatever, I’d need every advantage I could get. Eyeing the questionable liquid, I sighed and gulped it down. There were several times I almost vomited, as I fought to keep it in. I won’t go to the trouble of describing the taste because I’m pretty sure I’ll throw up even now. Let me just say it was nasty as shit and move on.
Handing the cup back to her, I tried to stand only to almost collapse on the floor if it wasn’t for the lightning fast reaction of Molly catching me.
“This is no good,” I said frustrated to her as she helped me sit back onto the bed, “What use am I if I can’t even walk?”
The maid appeared to think for a moment then grabbed a hold of my calve saying, “I have a solution.”
Before I could protest, she began to massage at my weakened legs, her movements quickly paced to a blur as I could feel energy returning to it .
“Holy shit!” I cursed, amazed by my bodies reaction to her ministrations, “How are you doing this?”
“I hold degrees in physical and massage therapy,” The maid said simply as she continued her work, switching to my other leg.
”Massages can not only relax but invigorate muscles, this is only temporary however. You will still need to rehabilitate and perform exercises to fully recover your strength.” She explained, professionally.
My eyebrows raised up in shock. Multiple degrees? I was starting to feel like a dumbass as I still had yet to finish my own. She certainly sounded like she knew what she was talking about and I did feel like I could actually stand on my own two feet now. I was about to remark on her expertise when her hands decided to travel up the hospital gown to my crouch.
”I don’t think you need to touch me there.” I said dryly.
Molly’s hands made a quick retreat as she pulled them into a clasp in front of her. She nodded and said,
“Try again, please.”
I got up again, only this time I was actually able to stand on my own. Taking a few trial steps, my legs and feet were able to hold my weight well enough to at least walk some. Despite her going all molester on me, I couldn’t argue with the results.
”Thanks,” I grumbled, grabbing the clothes next to me. I turned to her and said, “I’m gonna get dressed now.”
She stayed still, seemingly in a daze, just staring at me and blushing.
Did they change the definition of getting dressed while I was gone?
Her antennae twitched slightly that time.
I sighed in frustration and said loudly, “Can I get some privacy, please?”
As if snapping to, the maid nodded shyly and reluctantly left the room.
Well I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. Manono might be college graduates but they’re still pervy as fuck, I reflected while throwing on the clothes she gave me. The pants were a little tight, wasn’t a fan of skinny jeans, but the button up shirt fit well. The underwear was complete bullshit- a man thong, really? I still put it on, not wanting to go commando my first day out on the town.
Bucking my lady around my waist, I felt as ready as I ever would be. Call it a hunch or an odd reflex but I took Winona out again and flipped opened her chamber. She was full up with bullets but they were ones I didn’t recognize. Pulling one out I examined it, the slug tip was blood-red and the metal jacket had a small printed X on the side. Whatever these things were, they weren’t made by Victoria…
A small pang of pain stabbed at my heart as I thought of her but I had to push it away. What was done was done. It had to have been done. The bullet was just another question added to the mix.
I put it back and flipped the barrel closed as I reholstered her, walking out the door. I was shocked find that I wasn’t actually in a hospital but in some kind of private care facility owned by Druella. From what I later learned, I had been transferred here a year back with the absolute strictest orders to keep me safe, secured, cared for and unmolested. Passing through the halls and by the nurse stations, I found that the staff was almost exclusively Mamono. They all stared at me as I walked by. Some acted as if they wanted to say something to me but were all cowed by a glare from Molly.
As we exited out the sliding doors, a blast of hot air hit me hard. It was like strolling into an oven!
”Holy shit where are we, a desert?” I asked, looking around at the arid landscaping. I could feel my body beginning to perspire.
“We are in the San Joaquin Valley of California.” The maid said as we walked to a waiting black limousine.
“It’s gotta be like 100 degrees out.” I mumbled, wiping the sweat from my brow as the sun beat down on me.
”106. Temperatures are regularly in the triple digits during the summer time.”
Great, nothing like waking up from a multiple year nap and finding yourself in the middle of hell. I didn’t do well in heat and that 100+ degree deal she just said was some serious bullshit.
Thankfully the limo was much cooler as we got inside. It was my first time in a limousine and I took a moment to look around. It had black Corinthian leather, glossy wood trim, a fully stocked glass door mini fridge and a tv.
Once we were seated, the car pulled out of the parking lot and we were on our way. A burning question finally worked it’s way out as I asked,
”How long have Mamono been on Earth?”
Molly thought for a moment then answered in a monotone voice, “The dimensional intercourse began approximately 90 years ago.”
Dimensional intercourse… really? What jackass thought up that term? Wait! 90 years! When the Maou did her half ass explanation about the difference in time spans between there and Earth, she made it seem like it was just a few years difference, but 90!
Suddenly the TV came to life. A platinum haired Lilim appeared on-screen, holding a ruler and dressed in a conservative white blouse paired with a black knee-length skirt. Behind her was a classroom set up with a wooden desk and a chalk board.
She smiled seductively into the lens and said, “Hello, my handsome Stranger. I am Druella, fourth princess of the Maou and if you are watching this, than it means you’re conscious and have questions about the world you have awoken into. Well sit back and relax, because class is in session…”
As she talked, her hand snaked it’s way up to the top of the blouse and began to slowly unbutton it. Jesus, I wake up and all of a sudden the Lilim’s are making pornos disguised as educational videos.
Disgusted, I tuned her out as I stared out the tinted window next to me. Roads, sidewalks, other cars, buildings, people walking from shop to shop, all modern mundane things.
So here I am, back home. Home. Sweet. Home. Except this wasn’t the home I left, was it?
At a stop light, I saw a couple of Neko women chatting as they pushed their baby strollers down the sidewalk. Each held a clear plastic cup of ice coffee as they stopped to show each other pictures on their smart phones.
Looking up, I saw a billboard advertising sexual stimulants for Humans to use with their Mamono partners.
I really changed things, changed reality, didn’t I?
But there was something else lingering with me. I absently rubbed the back of my head trying to shake the feeling of it being… full? As if there were more memories in my head then accounted for. Forgive me, it’s the only thing I could really describe it as, I felt there was almost something- a lot of somethings that I couldn’t remember. Every time I tried, the memories would scoot further away, just out of my grasp. It was an annoying sensation.
I felt the limo slow and pull into another parking lot. Looking out the window, I saw we were in front of a large purple building. Pickup trucks with racking on them and burly construction workers – both Human and Mamono littered the place as they loaded their vehicles with lumber, drywall, bags of cement and other building supplies.
“Where are we?” I asked the Mantis
“This is a Home Improver Store. I must meet with one of its managers and deliver an item to her.”
“Huh. Kinda reminds me of a Home D-“
”It once was. Her majesty bought several of those stores and modified them to her own taste. Please stay here, I won’t be long.” Molly explained as she exited. I felt/ heard the trunk being opened and closed as I looked back out the window.
Again, it all seemed so normal. Just people going about their lives. Working, shopping- didn’t matter that there were Mamono of all different species around. I sighed, confused by the harmony and mundaneness of it all. Maybe I was wrong about everything. I envisioned nothing but a chaos of rape, war and death, yet it was the opposite. Maybe good old Maou Ma did know what the fuck she was doing.
Man, apologizing to her is going to be a bitch especially after all the shit I said to her. Gonna have to tighten the belt on my big boy pants extra hard for that one.
Not too long after, the limo door opened again as I felt a rush of heat enter along with Molly. An idea suddenly came to me. This wasn’t a permanent stay, at least not right now and there was something I really wanted before I left…
“Hey,” I said to the maid, “Do we have time for a detour real quick?”
”Welcome to Starfucks! May I take your order?” Said the cheerful Mousegirl behind the counter.
Starfucks… Starbucks… Whatever. It was close enough and the seductive aroma of ground coffee told me not to worry, it would all be ok.
“Venti Coffee. Black, no room.” I ordered.
Minnie Mouse blanched at my order as she asked, “Are you sure you wouldn’t like room for cream and sugar sir? Or perhaps an ice blended- ”
I leaned in closer and cut her off while repeating, “Black. Coffee. Large.”
The mouse paled even more but said no more as she left to quickly grab my drink.
Yeah dick move I know, but I just wanted what I ordered. Nothing more, nothing less.
“There are many varieties of frozen beverages here. Why that?” Molly asked behind me.
“Because I spent a good 3 plus years of my life running around the mother land of yours without it. I don’t give a crap about the other stuff they have. I just want a simple cup of joe.”
“Th-that’ll be $4.” Stuttered Minnie as she set the white paper cup on the counter. On its side was an image of a familiar green Mermaid except in this instance she raping a guy.
Different reality… right.
I realized that I didn’t have my wallet, or any personal effects really besides Winona that was keeping my seat warm back in the limo. I looked back to Molly.
“Hey, spot me on this?”
Figured that was the least that could be done. If I was gonna do this shit for free…
From seemingly nowhere, a solid black metallic card appeared in the maids hand as she handed it over to the mouse barista.
“A-A Lilim Express card?!” She squeaked in shock and awe, holding the thing up in two paws as if it were a sacred object. Then as if remembering it was to be an actual form of payment, she quickly swiped it on her register.
Christ. They have their own brand of credit cards now too?
After she handed both the card and the receipt back to the Mantis, I grabbed the cup and made my way to the exit with Molly quickly following. As I walked, I looked around at the shop. Humans and Mamono enjoying their drinks, pastries, on their phones or chatting with each other. Just a normal peaceful day.
I was wrong. Ilias was wrong. I didn’t have that much faith in humanity being able to share. I didn’t believe that Humans, my Humans would be able to accept a different species as equal to their own. Yet here I saw living, breathing proof of how wrong I was. It gave me food for thought alongside my drink.
Once we were seated inside the limo and it was off, I inhaled the rich aroma from the cup. Molly watched with a mixture of confusion and interest as I slowly took a sip.
The black liquid hit my taste buds like a hammer, imbuing them with words of flavor such as bitter, smokey, rich and full bodied. God, it’s been too long. I sighed softly and smiled at the almost forgotten taste that was slowly lifting my spirits. You may think it stupid, but for me it had been many years since I had a cup. Something so simple and mundane as coffee used to be an unthinkable pleasure for me. Next time you take a sip of your morning joe, good reader, think of those that go without that luxury.
“So what’s going on?” I asked the maid after a few precious swallows
She seemed confused by my question and answered,
“We are on our way to the location of-“
”No I mean what’s the incident or whatever.”
She seemed even more confused as she said,
“Her highness explained in the video-“
“I wasn’t paying attention. Look, I didn’t let my happy ass get thrown across time and space just to end up watching amateur Lilim porn. You tell me what’s happening and why am I here.”
“Her highness paid a substantial sum of money for a professional production company to -“
“Molly,” I interrupted for the third time and counting, “Can we please get on with it?”
Pausing for a moment, the flustered Mantis appeared to collect her thoughts before answering, “A situation has been slowly progressing over the course of a year with a Kejourou named June. She was once an employee of the Home Improver Store we just visited. She had been progressively misbehaving and acting extremely… inappropriate.”
A Mamono acting inappropriate… there’s a first…
“Because of this, she was terminated from her position some time ago but now it seems that she was also in possession of an extremely powerful artifact. She has used this artifact to give herself powers and abilities unrivaled by that of a normal individual. It has also most likely driven her mad as she has taken many of her former colleagues hostage and will certainly kill them.”
Crazy super powered Kejourou’s? Hostages? Holy hell, what did I agree to?
But I had to admit to some deja-vu about what she described. Some aspects of this were very familiar.
“So what does this powerful artifact look like?” I asked before taking another sip from my cup.
“It is described as a small yellowish shard of a larger stone. The energy it emits would make it appear to glow.”
“That fucking bitch.” I whispered under my breath in both anger and disgust as the realization hit me. The Maou had asked about that very thing a month or so back. God damn it! All of this shit was her fault and she manipulated my ass into doing the clean up!
The maid looked to me curiously as I silently fumed. Finally after cooling myself down, I sighed and said,
“Nothing, continue on.”
“It is theorized that she may have ingested the shard itself. If that is the case it must be removed from her body by any means possible. Again, it is very powerful and has the ability to imbue the user with great strengths and abilities.” She said, stressing the fact to me.
Fuck the news just kept getting better and better. I had the sneaking suspicion that old Maou Ma purposely threw me in over my head on this one. No way out now though. At least I had Winona with me. If there were two things my lady was good at, it was going boom followed by making sure fuckers hit the ground and stayed there. I wasn’t too worried… much…
After what seemed like an hour or so of driving we finally pulled up behind some kind of fenced off abandoned warehouse. We both got out as the Manits examined her phone intently while periodically peering up at the rotting structure.
“This is the location.” She said after a moment’s consideration.
“Charming,” I replied, “How do we get past the fence?”
Putting away her phone, Molly walked to the barrier and unsheathed the scythes in her forearms. In a blur that was almost too fast to see, she expertly sliced a large hole in the chain link.
Ask and ye shall receive.
I walked though it towards the building then paused as I noticed that I was alone. Turning, I saw Molly was still at the hole she made.
“What, you’re not going with?” I asked as she walked back to the limo.
“I was specifically instructed not to accompany you. Also, you may encounter other Mamono inside. They are attempting to stop June as well. You should treat them as allies.”
Well that’s just fucking great. What am I, the Calvary?
She popped the trunk and threw me a small pry bar from it.
“Do not go through the front entrance. It’s unsafe.”
”Well how do I get in then? And what the fuck am I suppose to use this for?” I asked holding it up, pissed at all the bullshit.
”The emergency exit.” Is all she said as she got back into the car.
The thing about emergency exits are exactly what they are named. They are ment to be exits during an emergency. Trying to enter through one is a very different, pain in the ass kind of story.
Shoving the metal wedge into the slim space between the door and the frame, I grunted as I pushed and pulled trying to get the door open. God damn it something like this would have been no problem for me in the past but being the way I was now, it was an almost impossible task. My efforts were finally rewarded as I heard the breaking of metal and saw the door pull open from its lock.
Throwing the bar on the ground, I drew Winona and entered into the dark interior. Inside, I found something out of a barbers worst nightmare as long black hair covered the walls. The strands snaked, waved and vibrated as if agitated or excited. Something told me not to touch them as I gingerly made my way towards the sound of screaming and yelling.
“…cking BITCH!” Echoed a feminine roar down the corridor I was walking though.
I had to pause at that one. What the fuck was going on up there? Suddenly an explosion shook the structure as debris and dust rained down upon me.
There was a slight twist in my stomach as I thought back to Victoria’s home and what happened with Faith. All of this was too familiar and panic began to well up inside me. No! I had to pull it together!
I stopped to take a deep breath of musty air in order to calm myself. No, this was something I had to do. I had to keep going, no matter what. Nobody I cared about was here, it’s just a simple wham -bam- thank you -ma’am deal then that’s it. Go home. Just 1 more job. Take out a bad guy… girl, that’s it.
Easy. Real easy.
Against their will, my legs to start walking again. I made sure to step around or over the tresses that were now thrashing about. Finally, I reached an opening into the main warehouse and saw the remains of a battle to end all battles.
There was a large hole in one of the walls, broken glass and wreckage all over. On the floor I saw a ragged and bloodied Succubus with a naked Kejourou standing over her. Her body was stained all over with black ichored blood that was gushing through a wound in her chest.
“Now… you… die.” She wheezed with a smile as she struggled to raise a few strands of hair that wove themselves together into a spear.
Fuck that must be June! And if I didn’t do something fast, she was going to kill that Succubus. Raising Winona up I took aim and yelled,
”Yo Cousin It!”
She frowned and turned her head towards me as I pulled the trigger. Winona roared throughout the warehouse as the Kejourou’s head exploded from the bullets blast. I quickly aimed lower and let loose another shot as her chest blossomed out from the bullets detonation.
Holy shit! So that’s what those bullets were- explosive tips! I had the feeling that Winona was packing some extremely illegal ammunition, courtesy of Druella.
Still though, you couldn’t argue with the results. Taking some crazy, super powerful evil Kejourou down with 2 shots isn’t bad in the grand scheme of things.
“Adam’s family reject,” I commented as I strolled over to the exhausted Succubus on the ground.
“Ya always gotta double tap the crazy ones… Oh, yeah, the Maou sent me to help you guys out.” I said conversationally as I helped pull her up to her feet. She looked to be in rough shape but one thing I knew about Mamono was that they healed fast.
She’d be alright.
“About time that bitch did something.” She mumbled, looking over at the remains of the nutjob Kejourou I just killed.
“Who the fuck are you?” She asked, glaring at me. I was taken back, never heard a Succubus talk quite like that before. Dropping F-bombs… how vulgar! That and in all my time, I never heard a Mamono talk about the Maou like that either. Just who the hell was this chick? I couldn’t help but chuckle, whoever she was, I liked her attitude.
“Well, the names-“
”Angel! Are you ok?” Called a voice from behind us.
Yeah, I’m alright, June… she’s dead. How’s everyone else?” The Succubus, no I guess her name was Angel, called back.
“Get out here quick! Everybody’s with us, but it’s bad!”
“Thanks for the save, cowboy, but I gotta go.” Angel said to me as she flapped her wings and flew over to the exit.
“Cowboy…. Huh….” I mumbled, watching her leave. Guess they still had westerns here.
Did I really come off as a cowboy?
Walking over to the Kejourou’s… June’s… Whoever’s body, I gave it a good kick. Didn’t want the bitch popping back up alive again like in them horror movies. After a few quiet moments, I figured it was safe enough and crouched down. Grimacing in disgust, I dug my fingers in the open, bloody cavity, searching for the glowy stone of power thing that Maou Ma lost all them years ago.
“I really don’t get paid enough for all this crap.” I mumbled to myself as I felt things I really never imagined I’d ever feel. I won’t tell you about the stench or the slimy, black bloody gore… several times I retched and almost vomited. After a painfully long search, I finally found my prize.
This tiny little thing… It had so much power it could twist and warp anyone that held it, even to the point of mutating them like Cousin It here. And yet I felt nothing but a hint of warmth coming from the shiny smooth exterior. Heh, maybe I’m already so twisted and warped enough as it is that the stupid thing doesn’t affect me. Or maybe there’s the fact that somehow even back on Earth, I’m still immune to magic…
After wiping it off, I stood and tucked it into my pants pocket. I struggled a little because they were god damn skinny jeans but I finally got it in there. Making my way back to the emergency exit that I broke in through, a shimmer of light caught my attention. I saw a discarded sword laying on the ground. Walking over, I stared at it for a moment, puzzled, before recognizing what it really was. Picking it up from where it laid, I said aloud,
”Son of a bitch… Fuckin Gramps leaving his shit everywhere.”
The shape, the size, the filigree, it was the same fucking sword that old bastard used to try to kill me! Why the hell was it here of all places?
The Maous voice echoed in my head as I held the blade,
“Perhaps Dam’s sword? Oh well, he never uses the thing anyway, he just walks around with it, making himself feel important.”
This was all apart of her plan, wasn’t it? Should I just leave it there?
Eh, well maybe I’ll get some brownie points with that grumpy asshole if I return it to him. Wonder if he still wants to murder me after all these years?
Looking around, I shrugged slightly to myself before taking ol’ Excalibur with me on the way out the door. Molly would be waiting and I had something for her boss.
During the long semi- awkward drive to wherever the hell Druella lived in Timbuktu, I asked Molly if she had something to write a letter with. I honestly didn’t know when or how I would be back on Earth again, but it didn’t feel right being here without something to my parents. Yeah I could have called but how could I explain everything? It would take hours, hell even days to tell them about how I came to be mixed up in this whirlwind. How I’m kinda married to Romie, how she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, how I’m a fucking in-law of Maou Ma and friends.
As messed up as it may seem, as much as I wanted to hear the voices of my family, I knew it wouldn’t be fair. A short conversation then what? Back to me being a vegetable? A letter was perhaps the kindest thing I could offer to them in this whole screwed up show that was my life.
Just before we pulled up to the large, imposing front gates, I handed the paper to Molly along with an address and made her promise to send it. It was the best I could do…
Druella might have had to downsize from a castle in Lessicate to a mansion in California, but I’m sure things weren’t too bad for the princess. Somewhere in the back of my head I could hear Robin Leach narrating the scene before me as we walked through the place.
There were expensive looking paintings on the wall worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Statues, vases and intricate rugs that were probably made by famously deceased artisans decorated the floor. And of course what mansion wouldn’t be complete by 100” TV’s in all the rooms. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams indeed.
Mantis maid lady lead me down the hallway and into a large study. Monitors of various sizes littered the walls in an extremely creepy ‘Saw’ movie kinda way. I really didn’t care, I was tired and the concoction that I downed earlier was wearing off. I did what was asked of me, now it was time for the Maou of this era to push or pull or fucking field goal my ass back to Romie.
”I need to speak to your mom.” I interrupted, walking past her.
The Lilim turned around slowly in her high-backed chair like a god damn James Bond villain. Except I never remembered any one of them wearing nothing but an open bathrobe.
“First things first, the shard please?” Druella asked sweetly, while holding out her hand.
I was tempted to tell her to go fuck herself but from what I heard of this particular chick, she’d probably just take it as in invitation to masturbate in front of me. I had to bite my tongue, telling myself that it was just for a little longer and I’d be back with my Cheshire. It didn’t matter what dimension I was in, as long as I had her by my side.
Reaching in my pocket I dug out the shard and tossed it to her, silently hoping the radiation or whatever would give the bitch constipation.
She caught it with ease and slipped it somewhere in her lavish looking desk.
“Now then, why would you need to speak to her, when you have me right in front of you?” She asked while smiling and batting her eye lashes at me.
I returned her overtures with a glare.
“Because she needs to send me back to my wife, who also happens to be your niece for starters, Miss Show n Tell.” I growled.
She paused at that, then after a few moments said,
“I’m afraid I can’t do that…”
Anger flared inside me as the urge to draw Winona was almost too great.
“And why the fuck not?!” I yelled at her, slamming the side of my fist into a nearby wall. I could hear the Mantis moving behind me and was pretty sure she had her blades out ready to kill me if I got violent.
Still didn’t give a fuck.
Druella made a shoo’ing gesture with her hand to the maid. Evidently the Lilim didn’t think I was much of a threat. For some reason that made me even more pissed off.
“Mother is… unavailable. Hasn’t been seen for quite some time actually. She was… is… the only one that has the ability to send you back.” The Lilim said hesitantly to me.
I stood in stunned silence as I tried to process what was told to me.
‘Unavailable… The only one… to send you back…’
She… She lied to me… She said she would be here. That she could send me back. That Romie and I would be…
I sank to my knees in despair. This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening, I remember repeating to myself over and over again as if saying it enough times would make it true. That I would just wake up, like before, in bed with Romie. This whole thing nothing more than a nightmare.
“I’m sorry.” Said Druella as she knelt down beside me. I barely heard her over the crushing sound of my heart breaking.
It had been a few days since I locked myself in the room Druella gave me. I didn’t eat, didn’t drink, I just wallowed in a pit of depression, self loathing and regret.
How could I be so stupid to trust her? The very being that I once saw as a plague on the world, a different side to the same evil coin being marketed as a god damn savior to everyone and everything.
In reality she was just as selfish and horrible as anyone else out there. Another someone with their own agenda who knew and said all the right words. She didn’t care who she stepped on or fucked over, just as long as she got her way.
And my dumb ass fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.
How stupid… so fucking stupid…
Eventually hunger got the better of me and my body forced me to exit out of my haven. I didn’t know what time it was, mid afternoon if I was to guess by the sun. The mansion had an enormous, spotless white kitchen. I doubted it had ever been used much, Druella didn’t seem like the Rachel Ray type.
More like the rape Ray type.
Raiding the well stocked pantry, I pulled out a loaf of non GMO, gluten-free bread and some organic peanut butter. Guess even the Lilims got on board with the whole healthy eating thing. I also snooped into her fridge which was one of them massive meatlocker types with the weird foreign name that pretty much ment it was worth more than a new car. After digging past some caviar and other gross ass, extravagant shit rich people eat, I found a jar of strawberry jelly in the far back.
Finally I had the makings of a dearly missed comfort food…
It was then I heard the front door open and the approaching echos of high heals on expensive marble tile. Druella briskly walked by me wearing an all black business suit, holding a matching black wide brim hat. Throwing the hat and a dark Prada purse on the counter next to the jelly, she opened the door to the wine cooler.
“Rough day at the office?” I asked quietly, as I spread the peanut butter on the slice of bread.
“Funeral.” She said shortly as she slammed the bottle of wine on the counter and grabbed a glass. Waving a hand over its top, the cork exploded out and into the air, landing by my plate. Pouring a full glass, I watched as the Lilim downed it in a single gulp. Without any other words, she took the bottle with her as the black stilettos echoed once more through the mansion on her way to the study. A loud crash of its doors closing told me she probably wouldn’t be seen again for the rest of the day.
I returned to my fortress of solitude, plate in hand with my lunch… dinner… whatever. If I was now stuck here in this altered world, I suppose I should learn more about it. Thankfully, being the rich bitch she was, Druella had furnished a state of the art computer in the guest room I stayed in. Invoking the power of the internet, I was able to accomplish some research.
Facebook was now Fuckbook, Xbox turned into Sexbox, PlayStation… was still PlayStation, go figure. Burger King ended up as Burger Queen and a million more little twerks spread across reality along with so much more.
When Grandma Maou used Big Boy to break into Earth, it seemed that she ended up popping in pre-World War 2 Japan, 10 – 14 years before Pearl Harbor or Hitler’s retake of Europe. The whole event prevented any of the war from ever happening. Japan calmed the fuck down and that moustached asshole in Germany ended up getting thrown into jail before he ever came to power. But then how did Eric, Romies dad, get to Wonderland? How did Romie ever get born?
The only explanation I could think of was it created a kind of alternate reality. Some kind of fucked up Star Trek reboot style screw up of the time line. And yet I was the only one with memories of the previous reality. Only I knew the real truth.
I started to laugh. Loudly, hysterically, I couldn’t control myself. I fucking broke reality… me! Some dumbass kid from Connecticut, broke the mother fucking world, reality itself!
Hearing a noise, I looked over to see that Molly had broken and entered into my room. She was staring at me with a confused, almost frightened look. My laughter slowly changed to tears as I continued to process what had happened.
I wasn’t quite too sure of my own emotions. Everything was kinda steamrolling over me. I lost so much. Victoria, Romie… my own world…
I stood only to collapse on the floor from the chair, still crying. The Mantis walked over and wordlessly cradled me in her arms. The very gesture reminded me of that Christmas night, long ago, when Romie comforted me. I cried harder at the thought. Eventually, after some time, I stopped. Looking up to Molly’s blushing face, I mumbled an apology,
“Don’t be.” She said simply while shyly looking away.
I’m not sure how long she held me like that. Eventually, I managed to pull myself together as she reluctantly released me from her embrace.
That night I laid in bed, contemplating thoughts darker than I really feel comfortable writing.
Was this a life really worth living?
It was another day and another lunch time when true to her mommy’s fashion, ol Dru Dru summoned me to her study for a little chatty chat on some bullshit.
”What’s the life span on a Cheshire Cat? Could Romie still be alive? Especially if she’s related to you guys? She has royal blood in her or whatever the hell you all have to make you immortal.” I asked before she could start in. I had been thinking long and hard about it, was it possible she was still out there?
“It is reasonable to assume she is still alive, yes. I have also been doing some research of my own and inquiring with various persons that were alive that long ago. It seems that Romilia vanished not too long after you did. Many just assumed the both of you simply went on to live your lives happily ever after in some quiet corner of the world. From what I can tell, Mother tried to keep information about you as scarce as possible save for a single source…”
”Fine where’s your sister, Mirsrelda? The Queen of Hearts?” I asked, frustrated. Happily ever after, that was the plan wasn’t it? In both A and B forms; there in Wonderland or back here on Earth in Connecticut.
The Lilim put an immaculately manicured finger to her cheek in thought before saying,
“If I had to guess, I would say somewhere in the United Kingdom. She always did like the scenery there.”
Finally, something god damn useful. Maybe she’s with her? Maybe they buried the hatchet and are just hanging out somewhere in jolly old London? You know, doing British stuff like drinking tea, eating fish n chips and watching a shit ton of Dr. Who episodes?”
“Send me there, if I can track her down and talk to her, she might be able to help.”
For what seemed like forever, I felt a ray of hope. If I can find her, I can get answers or maybe even find Romie herself!
Druella chuckled at my remark.
”What’s so damn funny?” I growled.
”Nothing, just big sister Misrelda hasn’t been seen in as long as a time as Mother. Perhaps even longer. The idea of you “tracking” her down is completely laughable. If you truly knew her, as you say, than you know she’s not exactly the most sociable,” She paused in thought before continuing softly, “None of us really are. It’s in our blood. To lead, to reign, not to share with each other. She does not wish to be found and you will have no hope of finding her, Donnie. I will not risk you causing havoc in Europe for a lost cause.”
A lost cause.
Bitterness filled my mouth as hope was extinguished. Seems like all I’ve been doing is fighting for lost causes. A peace treaty, a way back home when I actually wanted to go, protecting the Earth… Every single god damn one I’ve failed at…
“So you won’t help me?” I mumbled, depressed and looking down at the floor.
For just a brief moment, it seemed that the Lilims haughtiness disappeared as she said, “Donnie… from what little I do know of her whereabouts and of the last time we talked, she was alone. She wanted to disappear into this world and just live in it. She was always the weird one. But you running around Europe, alone with no idea of how things are would only end up with you getting hurt or worse. I can’t have that, I’m sorry.”
I pressed my lips together and nodded slowly. I didn’t want her to see any more weakness…
”What about my folks?” I asked. Molly told me she didn’t send my letter yet so there maybe just another route to take. If Druella wouldn’t help me, then I would beg them to. Borrow some money, enough to get a plane ticket and get around. I didn’t know how I was going to explain things to them. It all sounded so damn crazy and impossible. I mean what would I say?
’Yeah mom and dad, you see while I was in a coma I was actually in another dimension running around being a mercenary. Then I hooked up with this cat girl from Wonderland who happened to be a princess, we kinda -sorta got married not really but we are by their standards. Had some crazy shit happen, gave a nuke to the Maou that let them come to this world, blah, blah, blah… So now I’m a prince, but that was some 90 odd years ago give or take a decade and I need to go to the UK to try to track down my wife and mother in law because the Demon Lord herself ROYALLY screwed me over.’
Damn, even to me that sounded nutty and I actually lived through it. Really had to work on my explanation for all this and that.
”I’ve made arrangements for your parents to be flown here, however a particularly violent storm combined with the recent pilots strike has pushed their departure back a few days.”
I nodded absently again. Some decent news. I’d take anything remotely positive at this point.
“Now then, I understand that this is all very difficult to take in, which is why I am going to have Molly accompany you in the mean time. She will assist in the acclimation to your new… reality.”
Looking over to the Mantis maid, I saw that she was looking down and blushing quietly.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Really?
I turned back to Druella,
“Excuse me?” I said to the Lilim with a raised eyebrow that would make a Vulcan proud. “I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself, thank you. I survived well enough on my own back in the day when you were going all hostile take over on Lescatie.”
”Mmm yes, those were savage times, weren’t they?” She purred as she leaned back in her chair.
“When rape and conquest were the only laws of the land and pleasure it’s ultimate reward…” Her facial features grew more feral as I looked into her distant eyes and saw fire in them.
Pretty damn sure she was zoning out while remembering them good ol’ days when ‘no’ ment- ‘Why yes, I’d love to be violently raped by you, Miss Mamono’.
Figuring that I better bring Dorthy back to Kansas before she decided to go all sex warlord on the world, I sighed and brought my fingers up. Doing a quick snap of them in front of her, she instantly blinked and her eyes refocused on me as she asked,
”My apologies, what where we talking about again?”
“You assigning a babysitter to me…” I answered dryly.
“Ah, yes.” She said, looking slightly embarrassed, then after composing herself, she stated, ”My decision still stands. You believe yourself to be already familiar with this world, which is dangerous in itself. Things here are not as you remember them and I don’t need you getting into trouble.”
“Oh come on, what’s the worst that could happen? Me shooting another Kejourou hyped up on super PCP again?” I asked.
Oh yeah, in case anyone didn’t know, that was the “official” story for the ‘Philosophers Shard Incident’ as Druella called it. Drugs… cuz you know, just say that word and all of a sudden everything makes sense as to how a Kejourou went crazy, got insane powers and went all super villain.
“You will leave that damn weapon of yours here!” She shouted while pointing her finger at me. For a minute she almost sounded like my mom, back when I was a kid and wanted to take all my toys in the car.
”I prefer to bring Winona with me, thanks.” I grinned back at her.
“Donnie, this is California, do you have ANY idea how difficult it would be for me to get you a permit to carry? Let alone one that allows you to conceal and carry?” She groaned in a pained voice with a hand over her face.
”You’re super rich and powerful, I’m thinking not too hard…. Auntie” I said defiantly.
“Don’t call me that,” She growled, glaring at me through parted fingers .
“No? Like it or not for both of us, we’re family. Your sister, Misrelda called me ‘Son’. And that’s what your mom was spoon-feeding me before I gave her the means for you all to come here even all the way up to before she sent me. Maybe you believe that too, otherwise you’d have kicked me out of Casa de Lilim right after I gave you the stone, isn’t that right?”
Druella said nothing for a few good minutes, just grinding her teeth and glaring at me, before saying,
”You’re very annoying, you know that?”
“So I’ve been told.” I replied sweetly, fondly recalling how I pissed off the Maou, her husband and their BFF Ilias. It’s funny, Romie was the only one that could piss me off in a similar way.
My smile faltered as I remembered her face, her smell, the softness of her skin and fur.
“Something the matter?” Druella asked me quietly.
“Nothing…” I mumbled looking away, after clearing my throat.
“Fine,” She sighed, seeming to soften again at my depression, “I’ll get you the damn permit if it makes you feel any better. Just for the love of Mother, don’t kill anyone… please?”
“A little late for that,” I said, then quickly followed as she began to bristle, “Okay, okay! I promise I won’t kill anyone. Scouts honor.”
“You were never in the Boy Scouts, I’ve read your dossier.”
“True, but I did do alot of hiking back in the day.” I said brightly, relishing the chance to piss the Lilim off again.
Grinding her teeth for the second time, Druella gestured at the maid,
”Get him the hell out of here! Take him and go buy some Burger Queen or something.”
”I prefer McDonalds!” I called back as the Mantis maid dragged me out of the study.