Category Archives: Stories

Paladin Reintegration Programme

10 votes, average: 4.90 out of 510 votes, average: 4.90 out of 510 votes, average: 4.90 out of 510 votes, average: 4.90 out of 510 votes, average: 4.90 out of 5 (10 votes) (4.90)

-One of my older stories, edited with the same level of care and attention of a Kubo Tite background and aged like fine milk, this truly will count as something you’ve read today-

Times were hard for the humble Paladin. The Demon Lord had won, and monstergirls were now accepted throughout the kingdom. A Paladin no longer had any place in a world where men now freely slept with these monstrous women. But the new government was determined to retrain these poor men, and reintegrate them into decent society. No matter what the cost.

“How many more times are you going to get sent here this week!?”

You bravely faced your foe, a mighty dragon. But you had battled this monstrosity many a time before, and were not afraid. You were Sir Alfred Yaleton, noble Paladin and servant of our most wondrous Chief Goddess. Compared to her love this demon was but a helpless child. By the end of the day many a tale would be told about your heroic vanquishing of Kathy from Human Resources.

“You kneed Heather in the face! All she did was offer you a titfuck!” The dragon snarled. The evil beast was correct, you had indeed battled with the foul Holstaurus from accounting, and tasted sweet victory before your nemesis had summoned you into her dark lair. “You might have given her concussion, you fuckwit!” Smoke billowed from her mouth as she glowered down at you. Her room had been made fireproof due to health and safety concerns, the concerns being that she might burn down this building like the last two she was stationed at.

How such a mighty warrior had fallen, not long ago you were a legend, a protector of the innocent. Songs were sung of your great deeds by the finest bards of the land, and Tom Jones. But now you simply toiled away in an office surrounded by the repugnant beasts who you once fought bitterly against.

“Ara ara! Alfie’s been a naughty boy!” cooed an Arachne hanging from the ceiling. You didn’t know what kind of incantation “ara ara” was, but you thought it best to assume she was attempting to curse you. You reached for your holy shield to protect yourself, only to remember it was confiscated last week, when you hit that Lizardwoman in the head with it for slapping your ass.

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Cut and Run Ch. 23

21 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 5 (21 votes) (4.71)

“I noticed that you growled slightly just now.” She observed, “Care to tell me why?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. I looked back at her and sighed again.
“It just gets my goat.” I replied with a shake of my head.
“What does?”
“The assholes. The jokers who thinks it’s funny to corrupt a Unicorn into a Bicorn.” I sighed. “I mean c’mon. Unicorns are Mamono already, why do so many dipshits feel the need to turn one of them into a sex fiend?” I asked grumpily.

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The Hellhound Family Moves In

21 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 521 votes, average: 4.71 out of 5 (21 votes) (4.71)

A little yowling yawn alerted Kari that her pup was awake. She turned to see Mali standing next to the counter, scrubbing her eyes and trying to shift the weight of sleepiness off her little shoulders. She smiled at her little sun and with a quick snatch, swept her daughter up off the floor and gave her a hug.

“Mrr….Morning…” Mali mumbled and tried to snuggle her mom’s shoulder.

“Aww, still sleepy?” Kari giggled as she used a claw to brush little bits of dirt from Mali’s eyes. She nodded groggily and tried to shake her head.

“Well, I think I have something to wake you up. Want breakfast?”

That got the desired reaction. Sleepiness quickly rolled off the little hellhound’s shoulders at the mention of food and she began to bob her head up and down happily. Kari’s giggle turned into a laugh and she sat the little scamp down on the edge of the counter. Armed with frying pan and flipper, she set about forging a miniature feast for her famished little girl.

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Let’s Adopt A…(Kikimora)

20 votes, average: 4.10 out of 520 votes, average: 4.10 out of 520 votes, average: 4.10 out of 520 votes, average: 4.10 out of 520 votes, average: 4.10 out of 5 (20 votes) (4.10)

Young, abandoned Kikimora looking for a kind master, and father to work for, and learn from. Currently has abandonment issues, fairly clingy, a tad moody, a bit clumsy, and still new to a lot of things, but she has a heart of gold, and very affectionate and hard working!

Anyone interested in raising a little maid, please visit our Orphanage at your latest convenience.

xoxo- Katy- [Founder]

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Blackstaff

11 votes, average: 4.45 out of 511 votes, average: 4.45 out of 511 votes, average: 4.45 out of 511 votes, average: 4.45 out of 511 votes, average: 4.45 out of 5 (11 votes) (4.45)

-Written for the Kikimora/Satyros contest a while back. This is the story of a Kikimora who wants to be an adventurer, encountering a drunken acquaintance, scheming mages, annoying Shoggoths, dark gods and far too many adverbs along the way-

“How the hell did you manage to get kicked out of a Bacchus temple for being drunk and disorderly?” Susan tried not to sound too impressed, but this really was a special feat. The temple was legendary for not giving a shit.

Kalista leaned forward, still swaying a little. “You ever hear of something called ‘Feeblemind’?” She asked with a grin.

“You mean that thing the Chaos worshippers drink for their rituals?”

“Yeah, that’s the stuff.” The cocky look on the Satyros’ face was replaced by confusion. She scratched her ear. “How’d you know?”

“You told me. You said you’d have to be insane to drink it.”

“…I did?” Kalista asked, looking distantly to the side in thought. Eventually she just shook her head and regained her cheerful composure. “Well, anyway, I was getting bored of the temple’s wine and fancied a change. So I got this bottle of the cultist’s stuff and thought it sounded like one hell of a party. Can’t really remember the rest…”

Susan sat upright with her eyes widened in horror. “You actually drank that stuff? Do you even know what’s in it?”

“Well, no.” Kalista said, downing the remains of her pint. “I wouldn’t really want to, either. I get the feeling it’d just put me off. Fancy another drink?”

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The Testing Phase

17 votes, average: 4.41 out of 517 votes, average: 4.41 out of 517 votes, average: 4.41 out of 517 votes, average: 4.41 out of 517 votes, average: 4.41 out of 5 (17 votes) (4.41)

-One unlucky man wakes up to find himself in the worst testing environment since Aperture Science-

Groggy and uncomfortable, John awoke. This was a mistake, as the fierce glare of the fluorescent lights above him burned into his retinas, making him instinctively roll to his side and tightly shut his eyes. The after image remained, as did the dull pain, and in his half-awake daze he swore never to open them again.

Naturally, it was a promise he couldn’t keep. You can’t just lay around on the floor all day, especially when the floor in question is hard, cold – and as it dawned on John once he had become more wakeful – not his usual sleeping arrangement. Coming to the conclusion that he’d passed out in the kitchen after a night of drinking, he slowly opened his eyes once more, taking great care to shield them from the blinding light with his arm.

Squinting and still hazy with sleep, he sat up and assessed the room around him, slowly adjusting to the light. Both the walls and floor in this tiny room were grimy and worn, as if the place was abandoned long ago. That ruled out the kitchen then, this place was far too clean.

Still unsure of his whereabouts, he staggered to his feet, becoming increasingly aware that something was very wrong. Maybe it was the old television monitor and camera fixed to the wall, maybe it was the strange machine sitting and humming ominously in the centre of the room…

Or maybe it was that the only door to this windowless place was a closed steel shutter.

“HELLO!?” He called out, faintly hoping this was some sort of prank. He was new to his job and for all he knew this office could have some really advanced hazing traditions. “IS ANYONE THERE!?”

The ancient monitor burst into life. A pretty, yet emotionless pale face filled the screen. It stared impassively at John with red, slightly glowing eyes. It’s mouth opened mechanically and began to talk in a distorted growl:

“Hello, John. I want to play a game.”

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Just Another Zombie Movie

13 votes, average: 4.46 out of 513 votes, average: 4.46 out of 513 votes, average: 4.46 out of 513 votes, average: 4.46 out of 513 votes, average: 4.46 out of 5 (13 votes) (4.46)

-Anon wants to make a horror film starring real monsters but quickly learns their “talents” lie elsewhere-

“Get off me, GET OFF ME!” The man screams, as the shambling hoard greedily lunges at his flesh. The mass of writhing bodies collapses onto the floor on top of their victim as he howls bitterly in despair. Cold, pale hands hungrily claw all over his body, desperately pulling and tearing wherever they can as their prey screams and struggles against inevitability.

One inhumanly strong hand greedily clutches its victim by the shoulder and its owner crawls up to the desperately thrashing man’s face. The creature opens its mouth full of razor sharp teeth and-

Affectionately nuzzles his neck

“Oh for fu- CUT!” This is the fourth time this afternoon. I don’t care if it takes all day, these girls are going to do it right.

“But I thought that went really well!” The Zombie pouts, still straddling her victim.

I get up off my directors chair. It’s technically a carp fishing chair, but it helps me feel like the real thing. It’ll have to make do until I prove myself through this project. “Where’s the aggression? Where’s the inhumanity?”

“Well, I am raping him, you can’t get more aggressive than that!” She argues, hands on hips. I can see this isn’t going to be easy.

“What? No, you’re supposed to be eating him.”

“WHAT THE FUCK!?”

“Obviously not for real!” Fuck Craigslist, these extras are terrible even by the usual standard. “Grab a bunch of those organs over there and just cram them in your mouth, like you’re-”

“That’s vile!”

“BUT I’M VEGETARIAN!”

“Wait, we’re the bad guys?”

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